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This is a question Abusing freebies

A friend of mine recently attended a 'Champaign Lunch', where he was compelled drink as much fizzy stuff as he could between the first and last courses. In an ideal world we'd ask restaurant staff to tell us stories about fatties stuffing themselves at All You Can Eat places, but we recognise that our members don't all work in the catering trade, so for the rest of you - tell us something about abusing freebies. BTW: Bee puns = you fail.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 14:16)
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UCAS Convention, G-MEX, 2006
Every University had a stand, with lots of Prospectuses, free bags, free pens etc.

I went with my college, 2 coachloads of 40+ 17-year olds, all looking for as much free stuff as we could get.

Put simply, on the way back each coach weighed roughly twice as much as it did when we got there in the first place.

I think i managed about 24 prospectuses, 17 pens, a couple of plastic gym-bags and numerous other tidbits.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 17:28, Reply)
I've alluded to this before
...but in the computer games industry at least, freebies are (or at least, when I was still a part of it) a useful source of extra income. Review material (mostly hardware rather than the games themselves, since you'd rarely get a boxed copy) would be tested, photographed and then either traded with other reviewers for whatever kit your own PC lacked, or flogged at the local flea market (or more recently, on eBay). I still miss the way, when some component on my PC failed or became outdated, I could just ring up some friendly PR and ask them to courier over whatever was their latest piece of kit.

Beyond that, PR reps exist purely as devices to carry around a corporate credit card and make it available whenever there is food and/or alcohol to be purchased. Their presence under any other circumstances is simply an irritant.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 17:28, Reply)
I stuck two fingers up at freebie lunch and a major royal ...
... accidentally!

Having been invited by phone to freebie lunch in a posh club in London where Phil the Greek was going to be in attendance it duly was added to my diary. The day dawned and as I took the train was amused to read the Queen was doing her little chat to Parliament - Phil must be skiving off and getting trollied with us instead - what a lad!

Only to arrive at a very _quiet_ "club" on Picadilly opened the envelope with the invitation inside - swore - and went to Starbucks.

Length? 24 hours late ...
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 17:22, Reply)
I went to Bestival as an 'artist' and met Beth Ditto - shes very nice, and she said she liked my tee shirt.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 17:20, 3 replies)
Christmas Do's
14 of us from IT were taken out in London a couple of years ago for a meal and a bit of clubbing at christmas. All started well with everyone drinking merrily on the busses and getting half cut in the hotel rooms & bar. Then the taxis arrived and took us to dinner where the first round of drinks consisted of 3 of us getting 4 double vodka and cokes 'to be getting on with' and everyone else slugging champagne.

After our lovely insanely expensive meal we bowled over to some club in Leicester Square to further drown our sorrows and in a period of 4 hours we cleared out the bars entire stock of champagne. I left after my vision got hazy around 1 stumbling out the doors of the club with 4 bottles of moet rammed into my pockets, bastard bouncers saw to that tho :(

Last thing i remember was attempting to steal a BT guys tool bag somewhere around 3......freebies are awesome
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 17:19, Reply)
Went to a language show last weekend at Olympia. Left with:
-33 pens
-2 dvds
-a rubber blackberry
-a yoyo
-half the contents of a fridge in Virgin 1st class
-virgin trains complemetry earphones
-and some random crap!
All for a £10 trip, since my school payed for the hotel, virgin train and entrance, meaning I just payed for the underground
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 17:14, 1 reply)
Pizza hut
This chain of restauraunts has an 'all you can eat' buffet, it is very cheap, as they don' actually expect you to eat much, I go in, ask for it, they point me in th direction of this buffet:
"Help yourself!"
"Oh, I will"
Two and a half large pizzas later I find myself vomiting in their toilets. Totally worth the £3.99
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 17:13, 1 reply)
Blind drunk in front of (minor) royalty
It's the early 90s, and I'm in my first proper job, working for a charity which happens to have the word 'Royal' in its name and happens to be celebrating an important anniversary.
To mark this event, there is a service of Thanksgiving at St Paul's, followed that evening by a reception in the Mansion House (for non-UK people or those who have to move their lips when counting - both locations are in London). As a member of staff - and there weren't many of us - I have to attend both functions, and mix with the great and the good.
The service at St Paul's was fine, finished at 1pm with the function at the Mansion House starting at 7pm. Six hours free in That London - what should I do ? Shopping, sight-seeing ? No, I meet up with an old university friend (who co-incidentally is now a Professor of Astrophysics) for a drink. This, predictably, is where it starts going wrong.

I was obviously not such a good friend as it wasn't until we had our first drink that he told me it was his birthday that day. I had 2 alternatives - vanish to the toilet and buy him a packet of novelty condoms as a present, or buy lots of drinks. Which one did I choose ?
By 6:45, I am fairly wasted. I stagger off in the dark towards the Mansion House, repeating the mantra to myself "I must not drink any more tonight" and munching Polos to try and disguise the 7 or so pints that were sitting uneasily in my stomach.

On arriving at the Mansion House, I'm surprised to find that the butlers are dressed up in Civil War uniform, and absent-mindedly accept a glass of champagne off them. Crivens - my promise not to drink didn't last. Oh well, just the one glass...

I then endured a 2 hour wait in the Mansion House Library, where the "high ups" were located whilst our Patron, Prince Michael of Kent, was being shown round the rabble in the main hall. The canapes ran out quickly - my lunch had been purely liquid - but even then I could have survived OK but for the fact that every time I took a sip of champagne, men dressed in Civil War costume kept replenishing my supply.

By the time HRH came to greet the staff, I was last in the line and visibly swaying. I was virtually blind drunk, but managed to slur something - what it was, I'll never know - to His Beardiness when I was presented to him. Apparently my boss was horrified when she saw me in the line-up of people awaiting their introduction, and just prayed that I didn't vomit over him / anyone. I was visibly pissed from some distance away...oh well.

That ordeal over, when the food was served I rushed to stuff myself, but it was all too late. I ended up collapsing in the toilets, being woken up enough to be put into a car for the long drive home, whereupon I passed out again and apparently farted like a bastard until dropped off at my destination.
Next day at work was Not Good. Apparently most of my colleagues (the female, sexually-frustrated, stuck in a crap job and unhappily married ones) wanted me sacked, but I just got a severe bollocking and told never to drink alcohol again at any formal function.
Funniest thing - I meet HRH a month later. Out of all the staff, he recognised me, saying "I've seen you before...".
I felt like saying "more than I can say for you" but felt that would have been pushing it.

And with that, my B3tan cherry is popped. Sorry for the length, but it's my first time and I don't know what to do with it...
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 17:12, 1 reply)
there was emancipation of insects in the US recently.

That has led to a lot of free bees also.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 16:56, Reply)
gratis apiary
My uncle was once given a number of free bees. They were freebies.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 16:51, 8 replies)
In the past three years I've failed to get:

1) Free tickets to the opening match at Arsenal's Emirates Stadium. Despite writing their ticket sales 3D virtual stadium thingy, I was away on holiday and some arse from the office went instead of me.

2) 4 Xbox 360s, 2 Nintendo Wiis. All offered as incentives to spend over 5 grand on hardware a week (or in one case, 2 days) after I've spent 17 grand or so. Would the sales people give it to me retrospectively? Would they arse.

3) Free drinks at launch parties for new buildings in London because I'm the techie who wrote the software rather than the artist who did the nice piccies of the building and so don't count.

I'm really not cut out for this freebies thing. It's lucky I'm not bitter, eh?
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 16:50, Reply)
PeaRoast about Amsterdam Trade Fair...
Went to Amsterdam to a big broadcast convention. A group of about 5 of us (the team and our boss) all stayed in various hotels around the city for 4 days then flew back (SleazyJet) and the next lucky team from another area of the department would take over our rooms.

The guy who's room I was due to take over was a 'Manager without Portfolio' - you know the type - so had kicked off when he saw his room and inststed he be upgraded. Everyone (my boss included) were in the cheapest rooms available, whereas thanks to the upgrade (which could only be done for the length of the booking) I was in a suite.

Things then just got better and better. Got wasted on exhibitors stands every day, gathered some quite expensive freebies ... some of which were actually USEFUL!

We ate at the 2nd finest restaurants every night and, every time, the boss would buy the first round of drinks then nominate one of us to put the meal etc on our credit card. When challenged that he hadn't bought a meal he simply said "Yes, but *I* sign your expense claims, if *I* pay then *my* boss (Made Scrooge look generous) gets to see the size of the bill."

The best one (for abuse of expenses and free for us, so I guess it counts) came when he *did* put something on the company plastic: He took us 20-somethings to see a live sex show. We couldn't believe he'd done it, but he showed us the statement when he got back to the UK. "Live Entertainment" and an innocent sounding company name. In the 'reason for expense' box that accompanied the statement he wrote simply "Team Building Exercise" and sent it back for payment.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 16:48, 1 reply)
Me, Cowes and Sailors don't mix
A last year I was dating a sailor, who being very good at sailing was being paid by the RYA. In exchange for this 'training' money, she had to sell her soul to the RYA which involved all sorts of publicity, especially at Cowes week.

Cowes week 2006 involved the launching of the 'Sail for Gold 2008' Beijing campaign, and with it a lovely opening ceremony involving some well know sailers, some bloke off the telly and a free bar.

Now, I don't sail, and am a fully qualified land dwelling mammal, and as such I was the only one there not wearing deick shoes, chinos and some sort of sailing jacket. I was infact wearing baggy jeans, Etnies trainers and a hoody. I stood out like a sore thumb. meh.

anyway, not knowing anyone there, and getting bored of being introduced to people who instantly ignore you, i went to the bar to get myself and the good lady a drink, to find the bar was indeed free, and even a scruffy urchin like me could have whatever I wanted (as long as it was white wine or bottle of bud). One tray later I'm carrying 6 buds and 1 glass of wine (for her) back to my table. one hour later, feeling rather bloated, the bar announces it's shutting, so i cram my pockets with bottle (8 in jean pockets, another 4 in hoody) and leave jangling ever so slightly.

We then got taken to dinner by some rep, who was peeved that he was paying to feed someone never likely to buy his products, I got hammered, argued with the lady and stormed off round Cowes while waiting for the ferry.

Good times!

And I still hate sailors!
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 16:47, Reply)
Not trying to be funny at all here.
But I completely misread the question and thought this was a question about 'amusing frisbees'

I was going to tell you about the time I got my head cut open when someone threw a metal plate at my head on Scout camp when I was about 10 years old and I had to be taken to hospital.

I wonder if me misreading the question is related to that incident?

Length? It was thrown from a good 10 feet and I seem to recall I cried for a good 20 minutes.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 16:47, 2 replies)
Beach fun and abuse
I smashed mine on a rock in a fit of rage when I missed a catch and it hit me in the mouth in front of a bevy of hot Baywatch quality bimbo babes.

Not played frisbee since.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 16:47, Reply)
I've been at university for one month and eight days
And so far I've been to three graduate careers events for second and third years just because they give out free stuff.

1) "Hello there, I'm interested in working for you..."
2) Wait for them to stop talking (often several minutes)
3) Appear interested throughout
4) Smile and grab all the free stuff they've got
5) Try and remember what the company was called as you walk away
6) ??
7) Profit.

Haul so far: A mug, three mousemats, many pens, paperclips, post-it notes, two 2008 diaries, a British Intelligence poster, a bar of chocolate, a pot of "fair trade" (pfft) cocoa powder, a spatula and a banana stress toy.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 16:40, 2 replies)
My mates and I were flying to Buenos Aires
and Fiona and I were sitting together and her being a true Scot wanted to grab as many bags of complimentary nuts as possible "so I don't have to buy lunch during the day when we are there".
I said I would help her so we kept wandering to the different food prep areas on the plane saying we were hungry and can we have a bag of nuts.
This continued for the entire 8 hour flight and kept us amused and giggling.
We manage to amass around 85 bags of them.

As the plane neared B.A. and we started our descent, a gaggle of giggling Space Waitresses arrived at our seats, one had a very large, brown, hardwearing carrier bag (the type with straw handles) 3/4 full of peanuts and dumped the entire lot on our laps.

We shrieked with laughter and delight, raised our arms in triumph \o/ and told them they were the best Space Waitresses EVER to grace the skies (Malaysian Airways).

On the return trip some of the crew were the same and as we took off, one came over to us and said "We have plenty of nuts if you are interested".

We we all peanutted out by then and politely declined.

BTW, she returned with half of the peanuts in her suitcase, bless her tartan socks.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 16:39, Reply)
I used my company car to 'prong chicks'.
I was a young 21 year old and the year was 1993. I was given a 2 year old Astra GTE in polar white by the company I was working for.

Regularly around the streets of a grotty market town in Cambrigeshire, I could be seen wheelspinning away from the lights and doing donuts in the market square as a way of getting girls to put out for me on the back seat.

On one particular occasion, I pulled a wheelspin so long, that I lost 5mm of tyre rubber and left a skidmark 200 meters long which was only visible once the cloud of acrid rubber and exhaust smoke had cleared.
It wasnt all bad though. Tracey - who had big tits and wore greyhound skirts (2 inches away from the hare), was so impressed she slid over to my car on a veritable skid pan of fanny batter and sat on my face THERE AND THEN.

When I gave that car back the back seat had to be industrially cleaned and they were finding used johnnies in the creases in the seats for months after.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 16:33, 3 replies)
I touched up a liberated hive

(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 16:33, Reply)
I used to work for a well known office supplies company
And, as you'd expect reps came around on a regular basis whoring their freebies. All you had to do was play the game and you were quid's in.

From Brother, to name but one, I still have 8 gym towels, 3 laptop bags, one labeler, and a shag.

The last one puts the others to shame.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 16:29, 2 replies)
Hotel Rooms! Gullible Hosts! Excess! World Cup Glory!
Some time ago my girlfriend worked in a responsible position for a major food company. Various sales people would give her small gifts to promote their products and naturally a huge amount of this stuff found its way to our house although you can run out of room for Simpsons merchandise and chocolate after a few months.

One chap, Paul, was desperate to sell her stuff, and invited her (plus one) to a weekend supplier jolly and charity dinner. This sounded good so I was straight down Moss Bros to rent a tux and prepare.

We got to London and found our way to The Royal Lancaster, overlooking Hyde Park, (and the geekier amongst you will recognise it as the hotel featured in The Italian Job) and were escorted to a £400 a night room. We were staying for two nights. We met our host downstairs, later, who said that we were more than welcome to enjoy ourselves, but as his company was paying and he was responsible, please guys, please, don't get carried away and irresponsible.

Within an hour I'd emptied the minibar. We ate the overpriced food, stashed the overpriced soft drinks and poured the booze down our throats. Then, just for the fun of it, we called roomservice, who were also pricey, and asked them to restock the minibar. What followed was a real weekend of excess. We went, that evening, to a very good restaurant in Camden (Cafe Soleil, I think), where booze was laidon, as was a 4 course meal. It was ace, I got tanked, and drank very pricey cocktails until unable to walk. I remember some ill judged comments about someone pissing himself, and a tirade about obesity (our host weighed twenty stone and sweated freely).

This carried on, accompanied by belly dancers, until the early hours whence we repaired to the hotel. And carried on getting pissed. Bottles of beer at £4.50 a pop were brought in threes, baileys and whisky drunk by the bottle, and then a fight broke out about the 2002 Rugby World Cup (with the final being played a couple of days hence). I'm told I was called a whinging pom and responded with a tirade about convicts. Then all hell broke loose.

So I left the mayhem behind me, went to bed and re-emptied the minibar.

Saturday dawned, and with it came a hangover and hunger. So we ordered room service (this is a theme). We had the minibar restocked and went into it ravenously, and spent a significant sum on breakfast. To be honest, we spent the whole day on the booze, ordering drinks left, right and centre, and having two room service meals. We wanted to make the most of it!

Then the banquet... 9 courses of deliciousness, accompanied by enough wine to submerge Wales. Again, it carried on until the small hours, and finished with a bacon sandwich feast.

Bedtime came, the minibar was emptied again, and sleep took us.

The following morning I was feeling seedy, but the world cup final was on, so I heroically pulled myself upwards, went to the fridge, and got stuck in as my girlfriend slumbered beside me. As Jonny Wilkinson's kick gave us victory I felt compelled to celebrate, and orderd a breakfast for the pair of us at £90 quid, and accompanied it with a couple of bottles of champagne.

As we left, we were hungover (and pissed), slightly swollen, and staggering under the weight of hotel branded stuff.

We worked out that we spent approx £2300 of someone else's money.

Best. Weekend. Ever.

*I have been informed this was actually in 2003, not 2002. Just goes to show how good the weekend was!*
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 16:22, 4 replies)
Freebees from the National Lottery
About 9 years ago I was sent to Camelot’s head office in Exeter for a day of training. The day was completely pointless but I did get a free Camelot pen, some headed paper and best of all, a sample "Jackpot Winner" printout slip.

At the time, my best friend Neil was obsessed with the lottery; he was having trouble getting a job and was still living with his parents. All he ever talked about was winning the lottery, "When I win the lottery" this and "things will be different when I win the lottery" that. It really got on your tits after a while.

Neil was a practical joker. A couple of years previously he had posted me a fake court summons for an unpaid parking ticket, this had sent me running out of my halls of residence on the verge of a panic attack to phone my dad. Here was my chance to get my own back. I printed out a letter on the Camelot headed paper explaining that there had been an error in that weeks draw and that he had actually won the jackpot. I attached the sample winning printout slip and enclosed in the envelope the official Camelot pen. Apart from the winning slip being marked “Void” it looked authentic. At the very least he would think he was a millionaire and that all his worries were over for a few seconds before harsh reality dawned on him. I put the letter aside to post the next day.

That night the news had a report of a man who had shot himself in his attic because he thought he had won the lottery but hadn't. Shit. Would my prank horribly backfire? You have to understand that Neil was completely obsessed with the lottery; he hated his life and saw a big lottery win as his only way out. Neil was not in a stable frame of mind about the lottery and my prank could easily send him over the edge....

.... But the letter was so good! It looked so real, I would never get a better chance to get my own back and he would definitely fall for it!....Should I send it? Yes or no? Send it? Don’t send it? Get my own back or be a friend?

Did I send it? No. I wasn’t worried about abusing freebies from Camelot but I was worried about Neil’s mental state. I showed him the letter a few years later when he was a bit happier in life. He was stunned at how official it looked and thanked me for not pushing him into a fully-fledged mental breakdown.

Click "I like this" if you would have posted the letter.

EDIT - Fictional account of the letter being posted for the whingers (Yes that's right, "Fiction", like half the sodding QOTW entries).

In the end I thought, "Fuck it" and posted the letter, little realising the disastrous results my actions would cause. On receiving the letter Neil fell for it hook line and sinker. He went on a celebratory bender that lasted two weeks, maxing-out his credit cards and overdraft in the process. It wasn’t until he tried to claim his jackpot that he discovered that it was all a practical joke, but by this time he was twenty thousand pounds in debt and hooked on crack cocaine. In a fit of rage he murdered the newsagent who told him the bad news and burned his shop down, tragically killing his wife and two young children who were trapped upstairs. Neil is currently on 24-hour suicide watch at Broadmoor high security psychiatric hospital, where he is expected to remain for the rest of his natural life.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 16:18, 5 replies)
Not much recently
But my employers quite frequently lay on buffet lunches for meetings of any considerable size.

I'm constantly amazed that people earning VERY comfortable salaries, who drive new cars and live in posh areas relish the opportunity to ravish a 2nd had buffet like ethiopians with skunk-munchies, while I, the lowest paid member of staff would gladly pass it up to retain a shred of dignity.

(As an aside, I'm a finance monkey and as part of my job, I go through the payroll in detail for various reasons every month, so I know for certain what everyone XXearnsXX - is paid, including expenses, allowances, bonuses etc)
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 16:13, Reply)
Mickey Mouse
I went on a skiing trip to Austria with Ford in the early 90's and beer was about £3 for a half in the hotel.

Ford picked up the tab but wouldn't pay for beer in the bar the tight bastards so we (about 30 dealers) got the room number for the Marketing Director of Ford and just billed his room, signing "M Mouse", "D Duck", "Mike Hunt" et al.

That was a VERY big bill he got and he didn't see the funny side...
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 16:11, 1 reply)
Company Christmas do
Many years ago I was working up North for a company that leaches off government contracts, ie privatisation. There were about 35 people at the company christmas do but they put a grand behind the bar..

I got VERY VERY pissed, worked my way through virtually every different kind of spirit they had in the place, and then started singing and loudly telling everyone what I actually thought about privatisation.. oops.

Good pissup though :)
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 16:08, Reply)
4 words....
British. Airways. Executive. Lounge.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 15:53, 4 replies)
Another free booze one...
But I could easily imagine most involving free booze at work related events.
Christmas party with my company a few years back, I knew before hand I'd get pretty drunk so I'd already asked a friend to pick me up. I vaguely remember the meal, I vaguely remember chatting up / getting drinks from the barmaid (she was great, as soon as I finished my drink she'd whip the glass away and fill it back up with another vodka and coke). I don't remember how I actually got home but was helpfully filled in by my friend, who did carry me home.
I’d apparently told the barmaid about this awful drink me and a few mates came up with for a dare: doubles of Aftershock, vodka and Baileys. She poured me a few of those that afternoon.
For this year we've been told three drinks each maximum.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 15:47, Reply)
Taking teh piss
How about somebody I know who was putting a large system into a large hotel who was provided with free food and accomodation in said 5* luxury hotel for SIX MONTHS.

The only thing he had to pay for during his stay was drink & phone calls. So for 24 weeks, he drank like a fish and phoned everybody he knew including his mother-in-law in the US for hour-long chats.

The day before he checked out, he brought the server down for one last "safety check" and promptly wiped his room account at the same time...

Now *that* is abuse.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 15:44, 2 replies)
The same flatmate again

In his next job, with a bleeding edge multimedia company.

They had a staff area which had several fridges stocked with cans of lemonade and bars of chocolate where you could help yourself. In fact, everyone did, all the time. They also had free cakes and sandwiches delivered every day whether anyone wanted them or not.

A year or so later and money was tight so they did an audit to see what could be cut from the budget.

Apparently, stocking the staff room was costing them 120K (Sterling) per year. It seems people were emptying the contents of the fridges into holdalls and taking them home.

My flatmate's job was in the burner room where he filled out order forms for blank CD & DVDs and then, err, well authorised the order form himself no questions asked.* He was also running a couple of warez servers without anybody knowing as it was his job to maintain the servers in the first place.

* I worked for a huge company at the time which, despite its umpteen million turnover, only let you order blanks a few dozen at a time as the cost varied so wildly. My flatmate had no such price concerns.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 15:39, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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