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This is a question Abusing freebies

A friend of mine recently attended a 'Champaign Lunch', where he was compelled drink as much fizzy stuff as he could between the first and last courses. In an ideal world we'd ask restaurant staff to tell us stories about fatties stuffing themselves at All You Can Eat places, but we recognise that our members don't all work in the catering trade, so for the rest of you - tell us something about abusing freebies. BTW: Bee puns = you fail.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 14:16)
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I work for the telly!
Hmm I work for a "steve" as a freelance writer, this takes me around the country (and the world a bit), I usually get a few freebies, dvds of projects I have worked on,posters etc, Noel fielding painted me a picture once. Its on my wall (if you want proof i'll post a piccy).

best freebie ever though, I got a digital hd camera for free, a company that leases camera's and other filming stuff went bust , and we had a massive load left over.

Previous to my current job I worked for a gambling site as a security developer, I use to take servers , computers , laptops , projects ,screens, ram ,hdd.

And I worked for a bank before that as a It security manager , I disposed of a fair few machines by putting the "broken" ones in my car.

click I like this and I will tell you how to claim back you vat on ALL items under £1000 pounds totally legally.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 23:19, 6 replies)
Works xmas party
I once worked for a company that was very generous with the xmas freebies. One christmas a few years ago we were treated to a posh slap up meal at one of cambridge's nicer restaurants. On the table were a bottle of white and a bottle of red. There were six of us on the table.
Once we had finished the wine, I put the empty bottles on a little shelf behind me. As if by magic, a waitress appeared and asked if we wanted any more. "Is it free?" we asked. She replied that all booze was free for our company.

Oh dear.

Over the course of the next 2 hours we drank 24 bottles of wine, a bottle of port and a bottle of brandy. Which isn't bad going for a group of 6. Needless to say, the company directors (not to mention the owners of the previously respectable establishment) weren't all that pleased with our conduct for the remainder of the day...

The best bit was, the following year an email was sent round to the effect of "due to the behaviour of a select few at last years party, there will not be a free bar at this year's party". We felt genuine shame, and felt bad that we had spoilt it for everyone. Until it was revealed that although the bar wasn't free, the wine brought to the table would be...

Did they not read the damage sheet from the previous year..?
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 23:07, 1 reply)
Probably been said already, but
What really pisses me off Is when you see those some cheapskate selling free dvds from the newspapers at car boots (sometimes up to £1.50!)

Something else that pisses me off is...going to car boot sales....
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 22:59, 2 replies)
Maybe not technically a freebee, but...
A friend and I were doing some temp work in a warehouse that supplied videotapes for rental places. They were upgrading to DVD and our job was to take racks and racks of VHS tapes out of their plastic rental boxes and put them back in their original cardboard boxes, then put the tapes in a box. After about an hour at work, I left to go home and get a TV and VCR so we could watch movies while we worked, then I came up with the great idea that since all we were doing with the plastic boxes was throwing them away, we should throw the good movies that we found in with the trash and pick up the bags from the trash bin after work. After 2 days of work, we came away with about 5 industrial sized garbage bags; 1 filled with around 200 free movies and 4 with 1000 empty boxes. We forgot which bag had the movies so we had to take them all.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 22:47, 1 reply)
Do children count as freebies?
I certainly haven't paid for one yet
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 22:31, Reply)
I got...
...Radiohead's new album earlier today from their website and paid nothing for it. Don't know if that counts really...
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 22:15, Reply)
My freebies were abused...
I was recently sent to an event out in the country where I was expected to support my client's cause during the day, fending off bogans and handing out showbags to boagnlettes all day, and put major dents in the free bar during the night.

In return for our showbag proffering, we were put up in a hotel, and as mentioned, had all our food and drink supplied. Which was nice.

Unfortunately I was sharing a hotel room with one of the most important people on the client side, so had to be very careful of stumbling in drunk and being generally raucous. I almost managed this.

Anyways, as a further thank you (all you eat/drink not considered being enough) they left us some lovely little showbags full of tat.

I returned to the hotel one afternoon to shower and get changed before drinking and eating myself into oblivion, and noticed my show-bag. Full of goodies it was! Hats and stickers, sweets and toys, all kinds of stuff. I pocketed a stubby holder and legged it back to the venue, all clean and shiny and thoroughly grateful to my client for supplying me such bounty that I couldn't wait to get into once safe and sound back home.

Made good use of the stubby holder that night and retired to bed. I rose very, very early the next morning to get back to civilsation.

All to aware of my very important room-mate, I didn't make a sound, just got up, threw on some clothes, grabbed my bags and headed out the door.

It wasn't until I got home that I discovered that the important client man had stolen all the good stuff from my show-bag. I was left with some mints, a panadol and a handful of flyers from various goods and services that are offered in this weird country town.

He stole my tat! The head of PR for one of Australia's largest companies and he feels the need to steal my tat. I am so outraged that I want to tell everyone, client or not, but this would reveal a) that he is a tat thief and b) I was actually excited about said-tat.

Woe is me. I guess my tale of loss shall forever have to live on the internets for your singular enjoyment.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 22:04, 2 replies)
careers fairs
One of the great things about being a student is the Careers Fairs which are held at the University. Now these fairs are always full of the investment banking, law, engineering, more banking, more law etc. firms which will never employ an archaeology student like me! So instead, I just cruise round the Fairs picking up all the freebies. I have countless pens (and nice pens like Parker ink pens, rather than crappy biros), mugs, bags, sweets, some rather nice 512mb USB thumb drives, an mp3 player, a few clocks, a poster of Europe from space, an electronic dice (which rocks) and much else I've forgotten!
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 21:42, Reply)
Finally! A story without references to bodily fluids.
In the dawning years of my career, I was asked to entertain some visiting dignitaries from another office.

My job was simple. Show them my department, walk them through our procedures, and how we did things differently in the UK and then take them out for the evening for some entertainment, paid for by the company.

So they arrived, and the showing of the office and procedures went without a hitch, (I may or may not have broken wind on a couple of occasions and enveloped our group in a primeval fug so pungent it made the eyes water and caused one or two members to involuntarily regurgitate parts of their breakfast, but generally without a hitch), and so it was time to entertain them.

I had asked our secretary to arrange a drinks party, and a meal for our guests at a local hostelry, and it was to this we repaired after work.

To begin with everything was going well, the conversation flowed and everyone seemed to be getting along well.

As the conversation flowed so did the wine, and I found myself in an extremely merry mood, goading our guests into more raucous behaviour with a spring in my step and an increasingly red nose.

The rest of the evening falls into a blur, however I am reliably informed that having quaffed down copious quantities of free wine, I performed the following heinous acts.

1. Belched my own name at regular intervals and laughed like Sid James at this.

2. Referred to my manager as "Postman Pat - the miserable twat" repeatedly.

3. Attempted to 'cup' one of the visitors. Apparently my excuse was I wanted to make him a suit and I needed to get his measurements.

4. Following protestations for 3, told the victim to 'not be such an antisocial tosser'.

5. Suggested we smoked cigars in our underpants and began to remove my trousers.

I was forcably ejected by a member of staff and placed in a cab - with my trousers on.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 20:54, 2 replies)
Yep - the advantage of running a website all about biscuits does mean we get sent a lot of freebie biscuits. Also we've had mugs, tea-bags, tea-towels, aprons (!), cake and even clipboards etc. My favourite thing is a big inflatable packet of biscuits. When blown up it's about 4 foot square..

Unfortunately I got conned into giving the last lot of freebies to the schools auction - made them £20!
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 20:52, 3 replies)
I get abused for freebies
I am a member of one of Southern California's most famous fishing clubs, and a member of their actual fishing team (freshwater).
This means that I go to lots of conventions, openings and other fishy things.
My non-club friends who I take out fishing quite often will usually attend one of these functions with me.
So far, my friends have come away with several rods and reels, cases upon cases of Powerbait, lots of lures and various other items.

When Bass Pro Shops recently opened, I was invited to opening day and got absolutely trollied on free champagne. Talked the shop into giving me a float tube and fins "to review" for our website. Still haven't opened the box.
I also managed to grab a shitload of Lip Ripperz Spoons (a type of lure) at a recent gathering.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 20:43, 1 reply)
Christians with free pizza
Back in high school the Christian Club always had pizza or some other food delivered every Friday at lunch. They let anyone in. At first they didn't realise that people would swarm them, take all the food and leave (myself included). This went on for weeks and I was quite happy on Fridays. Eventually they saved the food to the end and closed the doors after 10 minutes.

It was very hilarious watching people just swarm over the pizza and leave quickly.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 20:42, Reply)
I get free AA batteries. Many, many free batteries.
I work in musical theatre and the wireless mikes used on stage (if you look closely you see them sticking down their foreheads like a dribble of blood from a headshot) are powered with AA batteries.

Because we can't run the risk of batteries failing halfway through a performance, we use brand new batteries every time. So there's a massive box of AA's backstage with well over half their power remaining.

I have been hoarding them at home. The box is so heavy I can't lift it. I forget why I started collecting them, but now I can't stop. I have a horrible feeling the ones at the bottom have started leaking, and they will all short out and go up in flames as a spontaneous incendiary bomb.

Any suggestions as to use for them? My Wiimotes eat batteries at quite a rate, but I am really collecting thousands of the buggers.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 20:22, 9 replies)
does stealing count as freebees?
i once had a tin of free cat food (i don't have a cat) through the post after filling in a questionaire online :)
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 20:05, 1 reply)
Taylors select reserve port
I'm currently abusing the bottle I got in the current buy one, get one free offer at somerfield.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 19:55, Reply)
A good friend of mine had someone very close to them pass away. This someone wanted to put their ashes in sachets and drop them in various fast food establishments and wait for people to get their free "pepper".

I *may* steal this idea.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 19:46, 2 replies)
English Corridor, secondary school
Room 3b.

Never seemed to stop my friend from saying "look! 3...bee! freebee! geddit?", twice a week... for an entire DAMN YEAR.

She also giggled at the concept of photosynthesis (apparently she could connect it to sex and thus, is reason to giggle).

Help me. b3ta just seems to make me sound like I hate people. I *really* don't. Promise.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 19:43, 3 replies)
IKEA Criminal Mastermind
Forced by your significant other to go on a family trip to IKEA?

Liven up an otherwise dull and boring experience by offering a prize to your offspring for the child who can steal the most pencils.

The boy Scaryduck Jr - who rattled as he walked past the tills - won with 186, pipping his sister who racked up a mere 152.

Subsequent shopping trips can be enlivened by stealing all the pens from Argos and confusing the staff by replacing them all with IKEA pencils.

And there's literally pence to be made from your swag at car boot sales.

I realise, as the evil Fagin figure behind this sorry affair, that I should be doing hard time in a Scandinavian prison, forced to knit lingerie for the female inmates. Where do I hand myself in?
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 19:24, 3 replies)
we went to the Imperial War Museum in london, and to sleep on the HMS Belfast.
On the way there, a girl introduced me to the wonders of splenda. (The little sweetener tablet things you can get, one in a packet)
Each time we stopped at a service station, I stuffed my pockets with them, to the point that they were bulging fairly noticeably. Take note that these are quite thin sachets with one single tiny (but extremely stong) sweetener inside.

Think battleships.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 18:57, 1 reply)
I got a freebee once
Pulled its stupid little wings off. Fucked it right up.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 18:46, 2 replies)
She stole my weary heart
When I was a lad, a girl of 12 stole my lad sized heart with a superb game she had invented. Let me start at the beginning.
She was a fairly plain looking girl with fiery red hair, piercing blue eyes, metal spindlefingers and a heart as black as coal.
She was Mo Mowlam.
She was Sting.
We could talk to each other about anything, sex, drugs, spindlefinger. You name it, it was on the cards.
One day we were playing said game, it was called 'wheeltrim catching'. one of you would stand at one end of the park, the other at the other end and then, without warning whom so ever was holding the acquired wheel trim would launch it at the other brother and other said brother would attempt to pluck it from the hardened sky.
The yoghurty duck pond was shimmering in the twilight.
One day I threw said wheeltrim at my earnest companion, she attempted to catch the thing but alas it was never seen again.
"F**& you, you F&*&ing stupid wheeltrim!" she screamed. "F&*& you and your F&8ing deadbeat friends with their pathetic little lives! I've got the fingers now!" She cried "I've got the F&*&ing Fingers and you've got C&*t all you snivelling little b^%$ards!"
I left immediately, trolleys around my ankles making a dash for the sanctuary of home.
I set up camp in at the base of some iron steps and waited until morning.
I gingerly tiptoed out of my den and realised that she had gone.
All that was left was me and the body of the girl I'd raped and murded to keep myself busy in the night.
I turned to her.
"Well I never!" I raised a quizzical eyebrow. "That's the worst case of abusing Frisbee’s I’ve ever seen!"
We laughed and laughed and laughed.
She has no eyes now. We dance to circus music in the dark.
Sometimes I cry on what's left of her.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 18:40, 4 replies)
Barclays Graduate evening
For reasons known only to themselves Barclays bank decided to organise a Graduate promotion evening at the Hilton Hotel (milton keynes) right opposite my university which was a small place.

They decided 1 or 2 A4 sized notices around the university would be plenty to notify all possible students of this event.

So 2 days later me and 2 flatmates turned up at the hotel properly suited and booted believing this to be some event where by they were looking to interview graduates for possible future employment.

They weren't.

Turns out they were trying to flog their student accounts package to us.

The attendees;
- approximately 9 Barclays employees
- 4 students, comprising 3 of us from my flat and 1 girl from the college in town.

This girl had driven to the event so remained sober. Of the other 3 of us 1 was teetotal, leaving James and I facing food and wine for approximately 50 people!

We got stuck in being social while Barclays delayed the start hopeful of late arrivals.

Then not to lose face they asked (!!?!?) if they could do their presentation. By this point (barely 30 minutes after arrival) we've each consumed an entire bottle of wine each.

We grab fresh bottles and take a seat. They go on about accounts etc but I'm not paying attention and nicely one of the helpful Barclays staff brings James and I 2 more bottles of plonk after 20 mins of presentation as we've run dry.

At the end they ask for any questions, as you can imagine from 4 bored students there were none.
SO, off goes girl from the college and our Tee total friend leaves too.

So now the poor Barclays staff are stumped. They have 2 semi pissed students and A LOT of freebies, wine, food etc.

As my car was in the car park they put plenty of sandwiches etc in my boot and decided to leave. James and I retire to the presentation room with yet more wine.

By the time the hotel staff wanted to close the room we were pretty far gone.

So of course we went to the bar to finish what we could.

By the time 3am rolled round James and I were on different planets. He heads off walking and I don't even make it out of the car park (on foot!). Together we put away nigh on 20 bottles of wine (I was a very heavy drinker back then!).

James stops for a wee in the field (which was a short cut home) only to keel over backwards creating a fountain of pee which rains down on top of himself and his suit, meanwhile the back of the suit is crusted in mud.

I realise I have no hope of walking the 1/2 mile home and crawl to the back seat of my car to rest. I stick my feet out the window and begin eating voluvents and sandwiches, chucking anything nasty out the window.

Roll on 6am and the first rays of sunshine rouse my slumber. I pull myself up, push open the car door to discover a molehill of half eaten snacks. The movement of someone in the car park certainly surprised the duty security guard in his little gate house who proceeds to watch me wobble across the car park and head for home.

Eventually I went to lectures for the day and got home about 5pm. Nobody had seen James and his girlfriend comes looking for him. A little voice pipes up "I'm in here", where it emerges he's spent about 18 hours curled round the toilet being very ill.

Anyway, needless to say I had no intention of using or working for Barclays it's just how can a student turn down an offer of "FREE WINE"???
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 18:09, 3 replies)
A Sweet Story
Back in 1994 I left a feminist babysitter with my son whilst my wife and I attended a sweets convention. I outfitted my wife in an oversized trenchcoat and crammed sweets from the various stalls into aforementioned item of clothing until it was quite literally at bursting point. I then noticed a rare and extremely valuable sweet which, with the aid of a fizzy drink and some Pop Rocks, I was also able to swipe. I thought I'd lost this rather tasty treat until I dropped the babysitter off... low and behold, there it was on the rumpside of her jeans. But that's another story...
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 17:56, 2 replies)
Well, it was the xmas party of 2001 at the since 'killed by bill' search engine looksmart in London.
Booze was free.
Did I/We drink sensibly.
Like hell did we.
Last round ! So I ordered shots of jackdaniels - for everyone, even if they wanted it or not. Approx 40 shot glasses later my friend (Horrah Chris !) had drunk the lot. I had a rather nice dance in a very drunk state..
Later on signed off with an amazing rainbow yawn which somehow landed on my back..
Looksmart - it was the best freebie ever..
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 17:54, Reply)
Bright futures my arse!
During year 10 our school decided that taking the whole year group to a ´careers fair' would be a productive use of our time. We didn't concentrate so much on the offers of free career advice, more on the offers of ´free´ stuff.

To start with it was who could get the most pens/career advice sheets but we quickly got bored; the game evolved to ´if you can take it without being noticed it counts as free´.

The chef wandered off for a break and when he returned his stall had been stripped, not just of the chocolate and wafer things he had left out on the table, but the massive (about twice the size of a football) bag of chocolate, that was presumably his supply for the whole several day event, and his hat also were gone.

There was a stall that had a coconut, I took it once, however my bag was so bulging with ´freebies´ that the handle broke, spilling stuff everywhere- my attempts at looking subtle while a coconut rolled off along the floor weren't entirely successful. It wasnt long bofore the coconut had once again ´gone missing´, this time safely tucked into my jacket.

I still don't know why marmalade would be an incentive to follow a particular career path, but a jar ended up in someone else's bag; that slightly backfired when the lid fell off resulting in a rather sticky bag.

The bus journey back to school was reminiscent of a storm with the amounts of paper/pens/pencils/chocolate flying- the teacher soon gave up his attempts at controlling us and just ducked down to try to avoid being hit.

The best part of it was the next day when we all got called to a special assembly with the head. We were all braced for a bollocking and nobody was surprised when he starting off by saying we had been called down in relation to our conduct at the event the day before, we were however somewhat surprised when he congratulated us on our excellent behaviour. Im still not entirely sure at what level it was decided not to mention the stripping of anything not nailed in place but no one felt it would be a good idea let on what our behaviour was really like.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 17:42, Reply)
i organised a marine fuel sustainability conference in the hotel intercontinental in athens
and all i got was a mug thats says 'cepsa marine fuels' on it.

and some grey hair.

woo me.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 17:38, 1 reply)
Carphone Warehouse Christmas Party
The best freebie night ever. Free gig (Jamiroquai last year), free food, drink and travel. Verrrry messy

Mobile manufacturers use stingy PR. No free phones!Lost of Pens though. And a USB flash drive, cookies, haribo, go karting, etc etc
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 17:37, 1 reply)
At my company
There is some quality award. This involves setting up stands where I'm trained and giving stuf out, trying to get votes. I got a laser pen, shedloads of chocolate, a T shirt saying scrap (painful reminder, I'd just done that to 2 days work :(). It were good.

Length? Yesterday afternoon and all day today.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 17:36, 1 reply)
Thai Ai'! We lu' you loh' thai!
Apologies for length of this prologue:

The ill-fated trip to the 'Nam, back in '02 led to this disaster. Distraught, lost in Hanoi and utterly out of our depth, my ladyfriend and I decided to depart. Post-haste.

And we did. That very evening that we coined our escape plans, we celebrated by drinking a sufficient amount of alcoholic beverages in a quaint French bistro. I hasten to add that we had coined the plans, and not set them.

Upon returning to our hotel [was a lovely place, i tell thee!] i booked our flights. Now, being a little inebriated the page was a little... hazy. So i booked our flights and let fate take its course.

Fastforward to Bangkok International Airport:

We receive our tickets, only to discover that i have paid approximately twice the amount to fly from BKK to Phuket.

This is a half hour flight.

And we're flying business.

So, what does one do in this situation, having hauled ass from Scotland to Vietnam and back again... in just over 2 days?

We drank.

We drank lots.

We sat in our comfy, huge seats. With our personal waitress, in shorts and shades and we drank.

Tea. Biscuits. Lunch. Beer. Wine. Stolichnaya. Johnny Walker. Beefeater. Rosé wine. Thai Whisky. Tequila. Long Island Ice Teas.

It was free, and we were going to get our money's worth.

The personal waitress was first visibly shocked that a) as Scots we could imbibe alcohol with such ferocity and b) that we were still standing [cautiously] when the plane landed.

Length? Half an hour. Girth? Well, the eventual tab (which i asked to see!) was near 9000, 10000 baht. People, you have my permission to see what that works out at.
(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 17:34, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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