Sluts
Emily Bruce-Dickinson:

You have a point, and I am relying on several assumptions here I'm comfortable with.

1) She says she didn't sleep with him, but it was pretty apparent she did. She often claims not to have slept with people and later is contradicted.
2) She had it, no mystery. She did not get it from him and had had it for a while and knew what it was.
3) He, after sleeping with her, gave it to three other girls.
4) They all have the same strain. There are many different strains of HPV, some worse than others. All four girls have a particularly bad case.

You will be happy to know that the male slut was expunged from that social circle. Personally I am shocked that he nailed all three of those girls and not a single one thought to warn the next one in the chain. They were all pretty good friends. One was even a virgin. He must have been doing something right in bed.

I'm surprised there aren't more answers on this thread. Let me think and I'll try to find more stories for you.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Mon 20 Nov 2006, 8:40, Reply)

I'm the daddy of psycho lasses
And got engaged to both.
First one was when I was a student. All was well until one night at hers I woke up with my sixth sense a tingling. She had gone downstairs and when I found her crying on the sofa she told me I was too good for her and admitted she was a bullimic. I loved her more than I have any other woman before or since and quite the contrary it was she that was too good for me, but she didn't want me near her so asked for some space. I would have done anything for her so I reluctantly agreed. We ended up splitting up though, and she then became a big fan of Tim Henman.

Even appearing on Sportsnight saying how good a role model he was etc etc.

My mate's lass at the time was a uni housemate of hers and one day they showed me into her room. It was like that episode of Alan Partridge with Ged only it stopped marginally short of the life size doll. However, the pictures of Tim's childhood house, his folks house and the tennis ball mounted on a pedastal alongside the numerous lifesize posters and cut outs was quite a worry.

Just before we finished I'd bought her some tickets to the wimbledon semis for her 21st and turned down the chance at going with her. Twas that which tipped her over the edge methinks.

Still love her and have a big part in my heart for her though.

I'll post about the second one sometime soon
(spike starski, Mon 20 Nov 2006, 2:15, Reply)

The crazy girl
The crazy girl (as she is known to me and friends) was sweet and petit. To be honest she had the body of a 13 year old and I even had larger boobs than her but she was sweet and did it for me at the time.
Nice girl and thought the world of me.... then the text messages started... if i didnt reply in 2 min i would get another and another. Then the break ups came. "its over" followed by "I love you dont ever leave me" 12 hours later. She would complain i never saw her then said ok Monday do you... no, Thuesday then...no, and so on. I guess the reason i stayed with her for a few months and put up with this was she would hint at sex but would get silly when i got close. Nearest i ever got was finding a few pubes while my hands were fumbling around her arse. In the end i got the balls to not reply to her and thankful I did as now got a sane GF although I would still have liked to have shagged her. Seriously it would be the closest to shagging a 12 year old without spending 15 years in jail getting bummed. (ftr i dont want to shag a minor but would have been fun)
(DarkSavior, Mon 20 Nov 2006, 1:05, Reply)

Anything that moves will do....
I was about 16 years old and was going out with this girl who was known to be a bit of a slapper. But let's be honest, when you're 16 if a rattle-snake with a festered asshole said it would sleep with you most guys would jump at the chance. In hindsight, a rattle-snake with a festered asshole probably would have been the better choice of partner.

Over the course of our 6 month *ahem* romance, she tried to stab me on three seperate occassions (once with a spoon???) and threw a wine glass at my head. That was the best one as about a month later I was looking in the bathroom mirror after a shower and removed what I thought was a bit of optical-snot from my left eye, turns out to be a very small sliver of glass.

Not only lost my virginity to her but nearly an eye to boot.
(goatbot, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 23:29, Reply)

Only time I ever pulled in a pub. Never again
While working on contract up in the Manchester-style area I went out with my landlord to a local pub that had a late licence. Being separated and not ahving had any girlie action for a few months I was interested in seeing what I could get. In a queue outside waiting to get into said venue we got talking to a woman of about 5 years less age than me, dressed quite sexy and revealing and obviously in the mood for fun. We went in, we went out, she fancied a club in another town, I paid for taxi to get there. We got there, went in,(I paid) no-one there she wanted to see (later on I figured she was trying to display me to an ex) so back to the home town (I paidf for taxi). Went in to the same venue (I paid), had some drinks (I paid) then back to mine for sex...oops, too drunk to fuck. The next morning I gave it my best and then she said we should go back to hers for lunch. Only...via her mums to pick up her two kids.

Aw shit.

But never mind, let's see what the kiddos are like. Oh dear, mum was a chav nightmare and was flirting with me despite having a face like an african sun-baked river bed, terrible blonde bleach perm and shell suit (think Tasha Slappa's mum from Viz). Kids... thick and undereducated. The younger one was about 3 and was pleasant enough, if unable to use words, the the older one was 5 and could only refer to me as 'Man'. Like, if he wanted a biscuit, he'd ask me 'Man? Bikk?'

She was stretch-marked to hell but I'm a sensitive person on those matters and didn't complain. She kept leading me up to the bedroom for sex but never seemed to enjoy it, and would not let me go down on her (which is a downside for my tastes, let me tell you. I like a slurp. Ahem.)

Over a few days it's obvious she's a bit loopy, claiming to be stalked by someone else who then texts my phone with threats. All the time she tries to shag me and claims to be safely on the pill so no blobs needed.

I finish my contract and rather than hang about, tell her after 2 weeks that I'm leaving the county. So long, good luck etc.

'Ah... I've been meaning to tell you. I think I may be pregnant'

Bad luck. Who's the father?

You are.

AFTER 2 WEEKS? get real, woman.

It's true. I've been to the doctors. It's true.

And I repeat, 'After Two Weeks??'

How the hell can they tell? (knowing the truth that they can't)

'I've had a scan'

And I repeat- 'Two Weeks??'

'It's twins'.

Okay.

I leave the county leaving a trail of abusive phone calls and constant 'I love you' texts. Eventually I let my pay-as-you-go phone run for 3 months without a credit top-up and my phone number is disconnected (this is the year 2000 by the way).

I always preferred to get to know a girl before asking her out, and the one time I didn't, this happene3d. Turns out I had the right idea all along.

"Two weeks?????"
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Sun 19 Nov 2006, 23:21, Reply)

she's fit...but thick as a freight train
Theres a girl in my maths class - pretty fit (read:huge knockers - in fact my brother tends to refer to her as "Big titted Carmen"). Sitting in maths the other day when, for some reason or other she puts her hands over her ears. My mate, sitting in front of her, turns around and says "Carmen, can you hear me?"

She replies only with a shake of her head.


Bint.
(littlenipple hate's bad grammar, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 21:30, Reply)

Seasonticketless
Thank goodness! I'm not the only one!

I too have those bloody monks at the end of the bed and that chuffing ninja on top of the wardrobe!

Mr Chickenlady has been woken more times that I care to remember by my screaming about the people in the room and the ones that keep coming out of the walls....

Only last night a huge hairy guy walked in to the bedroom and this time I held it together enough to ask him who the hell he was and what he wanted....Mr Chickenlady just told me to shut up and go back to sleep....But he was there!!!

And not so long ago I woke up a dog with my screams....not so strange...except that we don't have a dog and we live in the middle of nowhere - the dog is half a mile away.....But strangely the neighbours have never complained about my nocturnal screaming.....
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 20:21, Reply)

I'm not a stalker....Really!!!
I was 21 Sweet and innocent living away from home at college.

I met this guy, cute if a little self absorbed and hair obsessed. I fancied him from the first time I saw him handing out flyers at the cinema.
I did things for this guy that I would never have expected (some of which are not even legal in the UK).
I started going to places I knew he was going to and hanging out with his friends.
I found out where he lived and even ingratiated myself with his mum.

Over the next 8 years I have followed him around, even preventing him dating anyone else.


Then again I did marry him 2 years ago after a 6 year engagement:-)

Honestly the things you do for lust.


Be gentle its my first time.
(frankiemouse, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 20:11, Reply)

I love this thread
My story... well everything seems pretty cool. She wasnt exaclt hot, but she was good fun, if not a little moody. HArd as nails, may-bite-your-cock-off-I-dont-feel-apin type tho.
Been 3 months (My at-the-time record).
Untill a member of her imedeate family became ill n she told me that she dneeded to stop seeing me "for my own good". Christ, if your bored, just say so!
Then she tells me to hang on, n we can work things out. She starts getting REEEELY close with another dude, n goes skitzo when she saw me sitting with a female friend (a friends girlfriend!)
After a wile of head games, I had enough n told her its over, go away you mean mean munter.
It was like watching Hitler sob... Someone scairy sobbin like a girl.

Best bit Is I go out with her best mate every month or so, just for the fun of it. Guess what pisses her off? =D
(iowaseven hates your animations., Sun 19 Nov 2006, 20:08, Reply)

Mrs ST
I’d been with a girl for a few months, and we were asleep in bed. I’m a naturally heavy sleeper – hurricanes, cars crashing into the front wall a few feet from where I’m sleeping with the window open, foxes mating – You name it, I’ve slept through it.

Yet just a few months into a relationship with a girl, she woke up in the middle of the night, screaming and crying. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever been startled awake by anything.

“Help, help. Babe, wake up!” she was shouting, simultaneously hitting me to wake me up. I shot up in bed, convinced that she was about to be raped or murdered.

“What? What’s the matter?” I asked, worriedly looking around the room and being unable to see the cause of her distress.

She continued to cry. “I’ve swallowed a carrier bag!” she wailed.

The incredulity of this hit me after a few seconds.

“What?”

“I’ve swallowed a carrier bag!” she repeated, rubbing her hands round her throat despite there being nothing there, no pieces of carrier bag on the bed, no distortion to her voice and – most importantly – no crinkly carrier-bag sound.

Still, love keeps you together and I’m pleased to say she is now Mrs SeasonTicketless. And she’s still weird and prone to waking me in the middle of the night to tell me about the monks that are surrounding the bed, or the ninja perched on the wardrobe.

It’s been almost seven years now, and yet I still refer to her as the mad one.
( SeasonTicketless is too often the statue, and rarely the pigeon., Sun 19 Nov 2006, 19:54, Reply)

This explains a lot
I don't go in for emotional abuse, screaming like a harpy or week-long crying jags when I don't get my way. Neither do I demand timesheets of what boyfriends are doing when they're not with me, regard it as an offence against my human rights when they see their mates instead of me, nor do I screw other people.

No wonder no-one wants to go out with me. Perhaps they think I don't care. Or maybe I'm just boring.
(littlesunshine licked your blinky diodes on, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 19:52, Reply)

faking my own death would only make it worse...
i dumped a girl after a year for her general arragonce and sense of security in our relationship, she'd really let it slip and thought i was joking about it when i confronted her. the abuse, sob stories, phone calls, emails, internet messaging, abuse of future girls, getting drunk to make me feel bad, telling me she missed my family, physical violence and shadowing me- still completely arrogant of her faults, still thinking i wanted to get back with her after her treating me like shite in and out of a relationship- she was beautiful, we got on well for the most part- but i could never think of the consequences of doing that. it still goes on and every party i see her at i dilute her alcohol- it reduces the abuse level to a manageable level. fucking nuts.

my mum still asks if she wants to babysit my sister when im out, i make appropriate excuses. fucking nutter.
(so_im_cynical, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 19:30, Reply)

Never...
Never go out with a Jehova's Witness.

No matter how gorgeous they are.

Actually, even if they've been disfellowshipped, still don't.

Just don't.

Unfortunatly, I seem to attract them.

And that's all I have to say on the matter.
(inflateable, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 18:43, Reply)

And old boyfriend of mine
allegedly lost his virginity to someone four years older than him when he was eleven. Probably not true, but you know.

I know that his mum bought him porn mags at the age of twelve, as he wasn't old enough to get them himself, because he took the time to show them to me. As though I wanted to know what a diseased cock looks like. (I was a year younger than him).

Whilst I was going out with him he spent his spare time playing strip blackjack with older girls, but went mental when I accidentally called him by a male friend's name in a normal conversation, legging it around the house smashing things and scaring me somewhat. He was that obsessive I'd end up spending about fourteen hours a day with him.. and when he got home he'd phone me.

I think he's done just about everything it's possible to do with one or more girls, and he has now slept with about fifteen different people... the most recent of which was a friend's soon-to-be stepmum.

Not bad for a sixteen-year-old.
(qwerty123, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 17:41, Reply)

All I can say is...
...One night stands should only ever be with people outside your social circle. I need to change my identity, job, haircut. Can't afford rhinoplasty.

Also, fucking work colleagues = the most bad idea. Ever.
(Grobie, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 17:26, Reply)

She liked my little brother.
She said one time, "How's your brother?"

I said, "Not bad, you know, he's just starting year 3."

She said, "He's so cute, your brother."

I said, "Yes, he's a nice kid. I like him a lot."

She said, "No seriously, I could just eat him up!"

I replied with an affectionate laugh.

She said "If I was a paedophile he'd be right on the top of my list."










Well, that killed a little more than just the conversation.
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 16:22, Reply)

miharu,

I'm surprised that a lesbian would be into fucking dogs. I would've thought they'd prefer pussies.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 16:12, Reply)

I'm sure I've posted this here before...
...but I should have known better than to start a doomed office romance with Barking Mad Sharon. Cracking norks, and the hairest minge I have ever seen, ever. She was what you might call sexually adventurous, and mixed with her demanding nature, this was not a good combination.

So, after a couple of exhausting weeks, and a realising that I was failing to come up to her demanding standards, I was somewhat relieved when she went off in search of new victims.

The final straw being - on a night down the pub with mates - her shouted request of "Well - are you going to piss on my tits or not?"

Yes. I said 'Yes'.

The full sordid tale here.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 15:20, Reply)

Phone frenzy
Not me but my friend.

One day he received a text from someone he didnt know, so as you do, replyed to find out who it was. Turned out to be a girl of a similar age from the otherside of the country he met once on holiday. Both my friend and I thought it would be a laugh to keep texting, keeping it clean and friendly.

This went on for about 3 months then the phon calls started. However they always happened just as we walked into one particular pub. Then we would have 20-30mins of crying down the phone about how she couldnt stand livin in the home and how he parents hated her. At first his was amusing and we took the piss a bit, then she started threatening to kill herself and we kept hanging up. After a couple of weeks of this we threatened her with the police, and this kept her off for a few weeks.

Then it restarted, texts and calls. Eventually I took a call and screamed down te phone that my friend had killed himself and I was on the way to the funeral and would she kindly sod off. Mot heard from here again...touch wood.

Oops, length almost as long as the timeframe
(sameness, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 14:42, Reply)

I am a crazy lezzo magnet
I have been known to indulge in the odd bisexual... fumbling. And a lot of my friends are lesbians. One day I was chatting to a lesbian online, who looked normal enough. After a few minutes of chat she said "have you ever had sex with a relative?" I said I hadnt,and she just kept on going on about it. Eventually she asked "so would you ever have sex with a relative like your sister,mother or aunt?" When I said no, she signed off and never spoke to me again...

Another time, I was chatting to a girl who was actually really pretty, very sweet and kept offering to come over to the UK to see me, and calling me her "online girly". She seemed mad, but quite sweet.

She then said "oh, i see on your myspace profile youre against animal cruelty.." I told her I was, and she said "ah,well, I fuck dogs."

Turned out,she likes girls, but prefers dogs. It got creepy when she went into detail about the time her dog peed in her mouth while she gave it oral sex,and she kept asking me if I'd ever do anything with me dog.... I then blocked her.
(Miharu, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 14:25, Reply)

Lego Nutter
Last year I was sitting alone in my basement thinking about apartheid when I came across the idea of building myself a girlfriend out of Lego. I'd seen the film 'Weird Science' so I knew that stuff like that was possible so I got to work.

After about 10 minutes I had built her lego tits and lego head. She was quite a looker but was slightly ginger. This upset me a bit and I toyed briefly with the idea of dumping her. "No Brady" I thought to myself "you cant dump a bird comprised only of lego tits and a lego head. Besides, you made her ginger! What did you do that for if you don't like gingers? Fucking idiot!"

"Good point" I said out loud in response to my own statement and carried on working. I got busy grafting her legs and arms and then begun the most important job of all - her lego fanny.
This was a work of art. "i'll give her 3 labias" I thought to myself before deciding against it and just sticking to the basics.

Soon she was completely finished and I tried to fuck her. She was having none of it and just lay there completely rigid. "Come on you Lego bastard" I bellowed in her face. Nothing.

Not even a word of thanks for building her. I got angry at this point and punched her in the tit, knocking her lego nipple clean off. It made a pinging sound as it bounced off the wall.

Still nothing!!! Couldn't believe it. "dont you ever say anything? You idiot? I don't know why I go out with you". At this point I had a moment of epiphany. I realised she was completely deranged and I decided to end it there and then. I knocked her down and built a car out of her. Vroom vroom!!
(Andrew Avetoom, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 14:19, Reply)

luckymcdanger.
im ok, both the guys in question were 'snipped' and just for added fun we never have sex unprotected. I cant stand kids. Ill never have them.... on the bright side niether does my current partner and this one is looking to be the one that lasts....

Just in case it doesnt i give you all permission to say 'i told you so' but hopefully that day will never come.
(Serbitar Has a furry shit canon called Whitey., Sun 19 Nov 2006, 14:08, Reply)

Damn
Ah shit. That sounds like me.... Oops...
(Miharu, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 12:37, Reply)

I attract only the finest calibur of girls
a few months back I was coherced into meeting a girl from the good ole t'internet. i say cohersed the conversation went somthing along the lines on:

g:so do you want to meet me later?

m:im busy i think im waiting for someone to text then im off out

g:ok then, ill meet you in birmingham

M:birmighams quite far away , plus I may be busy,,,,

g: ok ill come to merry hill then , call me in an hour to see where i am {goes offline before i can reply}

I was too nice and met her because i knew id feel guilty for weeks if i stood her up even though i never agreed to meeting her


she was annoying and talked alot of crap ,i survive
she's on a darts team that scares me more than alot

, i recently spoke to her and casually asked if she had any news, turns out she's moving to amsterdam for 10 months..... to do missonary work

met a georgous girl yesterday shes 17 half spanish georgous , moms a hippy dads a punk has a pink dog and a lizard and is an ex junkie
:| wish me luck

sorry about length, although is a cold morning its still sizable
(Zrya Loves the new presidents album > 80% of kittens, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 10:33, Reply)

Mental of Stevenage
Ok, she didn't live in Stevenage but I did and she lived nearby. Anyway, I'd just been successfully dumped by my lady of three years to find that she was humping anything that moves since the split. Fine! At least she got rid of me before doing that rather than behind my back but that's only taken 7 years of therapy so sort out.

So, I go out to Pulse in Stevenage (yes, anyone who has been there knows it's shit) but it was my birthday and what could I do?

I bump into a lady who was a little on the butch side but in full rebound mode, I danced, snogged and we exchanged numbers. Over the next few days, we arrange to go for a drink (where I picked her up from hers and got introduced to her family - I should have seen the warning signs) and see Mission Impossible 2 but I decided that I wasn't ready to see anyone yet (and nothing was happening on my part anyway) so I decide to end it.

It took her 3 hours to get her out of my flat! I had tears, sob stories about her ex beating her up and everything. Heart-wrenching maybe but she's worrying me now. When I FINALLY get her out, I breathe a sign of relief...

Then there was the phone calls
Seeing her car parked outside my flat with her sitting in the drivers seat and staring at my window
Seeing her drive past at times of the day I'd be walking to work
More phone calls

Thankfully, I had bought a new flat and she didn't know the address. I also changed my mobile number too. Didn't hear from or see her again after all that. Thank goodness!
( betpet is the fun in dysfunctional, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 9:49, Reply)

Since the Dawning of time.......
Back in the 80s met a beautiful single mum-of-one via a newspaper ad. (Baad idea)She was mid 20s, redhead, (should have rung warning bells)georgous body, big tits, you get the idea.First night we have a few at the pub then back to her place and 5 minutes later she's sucking me off on the sofa.I'd been almost 2 years without sex so this was christmas time for me. Then upstairs where we proceeded to run through the whole catalogue, including anal, for the night. Over the next few weeks we're meeting up every 3 or 4 days and she starts telling me about her life history. Turns out she grew up in a town near Leeds where from the age of around 13yrs half the population had her. From boys her age to the neighbour in his 30s she used to babysit for.As if that wasn't enough she then tells me about 3somes with the neighbour and his very willing wife.Bearing in mind she's only around 14/14yrs at this stage I'm starting to back off and yet get incredibly horny at the same time.So against my better judgement we move in together in my place.BIG mistake. Within a few months she'd alienated both neighbours,and almost distroyed the relationship between my mum and I.Then we're on the sofa one night and she starts giving me details of how she'd seduced her daughter's teacher who'd come around that afternoon regarding some problems at school.I assumed it was a fantasy and was turned on until she strips off topless and shows me the lovebites all over her tits. Damn she was so hot and got me so hot that we ended up rutting like animals on the carpet whilst she whispered all the details in my ear.Eventually we had to move and step-daughter went to another school.Over the next 3 or 4 years we moved twice more! Same sort of reasons except this time a painter/decorator and finally a friend's husband were involved. Then I'd finally had enough and we split. A few months later she comes round to mine with some paperwork for me. She's wearing a top that shows off her tits almost down to nipple-line and it was clear what was on offer. The only thing that gave me the strength to close the door on her was a mate telling me only 2 days previously how she'd been seen half naked being vigorously fucked up against the side wall of a local club by some guy at least ten years younger. I've left out the abusive phone calls,throwing stuff at me, brandishing a kitchen knive etc whilst we were together because the sex stuff alone was enough to make me say "enough's enough!" So if anyone comes across (!)a teacher's daughter from "somewhere up North" called Dawn then be warned!
(niknak, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 9:25, Reply)

But... it's just a necklace.
Memorable points in our 4-and-a-half year relationship include:

1. Attempting to kill/maim a girl i once knew and flirted with because she asked me to adujst her necklace whilst we were pished.
2. Screaming drunkenly as i left her home, worse for wear, "Don't dump me, please don't dump me, please don't dump me" ad infinitum.
3. Turning the other cheek when Mrs Schumann was my mistress and i convinced her otherwise even though she caught us canoodling in a more than comprimising position (incidentally, i waited for the eventual revenge, but it never came. I still watch my back).
4. Taking up karate when I broke it off with her and threatening to kill me, and telling me her new Karate Boyfriend would kill me too. She's only 5' 4, and he's only 5' 6. I'm at least 5' 9.

She turned out to be quite the bunny-boiler, tbh, and as a consequence she 'ran' into me from time to time with new lad in hand, or friends in tow.

Except Mrs Schumann is part Arab, part Italian - with the chablis to boot - meaning it's always fun to run into the ex.
(Schumann makes awesome quiches., Sun 19 Nov 2006, 8:50, Reply)

sluts
She messed around with one of the other guys at the paper, and then he went on and messed with three other girls at the newspaper (over the course of six months). Then one day all three of those girls realised they had HPV. So that means Crazy Jenn gave it to the guy, and five people in our social group now had the same STD.

Er, not necessarily - the guy was obviously a whore, he could have got it off anyone!
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 8:40, Reply)

Crazy Jenn
I had one friend who fits this topic perfectly. Where to begin?

Meet Crazy Jenn, circa 2001
www.angelfire.com/gu/smersh/015jenn.html

I met her in university when I was working as news editor for the student newspaper. We got along pretty well as friends. I was in love with a girl at the time (because she had an English accent) so I was off-limits. She messed around with one of the other guys at the paper, and then he went on and messed with three other girls at the newspaper (over the course of six months). Then one day all three of those girls realised they had HPV. So that means Crazy Jenn gave it to the guy, and five people in our social group now had the same STD.

Later on, my friend James took her home. He was a hopeless 20-year-old virgin on the verge of either suicide or homosexuality. He was drunk so he was going to crash at her place rather than drive home. She invited him in to have sex. "I don't have a condom but that's okay." He slept in his car. Good boy.

I started dating a short girl who was half Filipina half Native. She couldn't understand why I'd date her when Crazy Jenn is 6 feet tall and very attractive (the only reason Crazy Jenn didn't become a model is her jaw is crooked). I tried explaining to her that Crazy Jenn earned her name a certain way, but we were just friends (plus, I preferred Asians; see username). Exactly ten minutes after I gave this speech, Crazy Jenn told me "I've been hitting on you for months, and I'm starting to get frustrated that you aren't responding." Uh-oh.

She could have stalked me, but she was an ADD stalker. She would divert her energy to stalking my friends. She stalked my friend Jebus, and out of pity for his less handsome best friend Adam, she stalked him too. She stalked every musician in our city, leading one guy to dive out of a taxi to escape her. She cornered the girlfriend of one guitarist in the washroom and said "I know you think I'm after your boyfriend..." Then realised "Wait, I am after him."

I'll lead you off with the climax. My housewarming party at my new apartment. She showed up, came up to my girlfriend and said "Like my necklace?" Anyway, girlfriend left for home early, I got high and drank way too much. I ended up in my underwear in the bathroom barfing out blue. This might have been in a previous QOTW story. One of my friends had to use to bathroom, so I told him to go off the balcony. Another friend boiled some perogies, then asked me if I could have them, and I shouted "No!" through the door. I was a speedbump.

I woke up in the morning to find everyone had gone home save for my friend Powermann. I asked if anyone else had stayed the night, and he said "Crazy Jenn slept in your bed." Oh holy christ. I was not in a state where I could perform, but just the thought she was in there sent willies through my skeleton.

Crazy Jenn called my girlfriend and asked her to look for her necklace, which had gone missing. She found it, several months later, while rearranging the bedroom. It was under the bed. As best as I can tell, she planted it there to break us up. At that point I decided never to talk to Crazy Jenn again.

Next time I had a party, several people called up beforehand and said they'll only go if Crazy Jenn isn't there.

I'd insert a penis joke, but I really can't remember what happened. I don't have the genital warts though.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Sun 19 Nov 2006, 3:31, Reply)

Mad women..
I know a few women that fit this category, but I'll post two..

One happened to me. I went out with an amazing girl for over 5 years. The relationship ended because I found out she had cheated on me (I had hear rumours, ignored them and then saw her with another bloke).

After I dumped her, I started a new job (not related). She started leaving her car in the roads she knew I would need to take to work, and appeared there a couple of times.

Another girl is a friend of mine. Very pretty, and a good laugh. However (and this is what she told me), when one relationship ended, she went to the bloke's house, picked up the yard broom and used it to smash every window on the ground floor of his house.
(Ok, I'll get me coat, Sat 18 Nov 2006, 23:37, Reply)