Uni
The end of year union party was always the biggest and best event at university. Everyone tried to go, but with the union capacity at about 3,000 and more than 10,000 students, obviously most people weren't going to get in. The tickets were sold out within an hour of them going on sale, and my best mate and I didn't manage to get hold of tickets.

Because the union was open all day, when holding a ticketed event, they would kick everyone out about 15 minutes before the start time so only people with tickets were admitted.
Hiding in the loos was no good - that was the first place the stewards would look.

So my mate and I hatched a cunning plan! We scoured the union for a suitable hiding place, eventually discovering a broom cupboard in the basement. For a whole hour before the event started we crouched in the darkness, in between the hoover and the mop bucket. It was very uncomfortable!

But we got in! Not only did we not pay to get in (everyone else had paid a tenner - huge sum of money in student terms), but everyone we told the story to was so impressed they bought us a drink!

You've either got it or you haven't!
(turquoise, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 16:45, Reply)

arstroboy
i've cheated on nearly all my boyfriends to one varying degree or another but what i really excel at is cheating at a game my family invented. its a hybrid of a card game called "arsehole" and a dice game called "seven boy" - we like to call it "arstro boy" (like the anim, but dirty). naturally these are both drinking games and hence after a few rounds quite easy to cheat on.

when it comes to arsehold the aim of the game is to get rid of all your cards first. cards are played face up and must be laid either as singles, doubles or triples according to what has been led. there are two ways to cheat. the easy way is when sweeping the dead pile at the end of the round to craftily slip a few of your crap cards in with the dead lot. i always like to be seen as the considerate one by sweeping away the dead cards for the gang but occaisonally my consistent position as president of the game arouses suspicion and i have to forgo this method for the much riskier, though ultimately more satisfying method of cheating. the hiding cards underneath one another WHEN YOU LAY THEM. now everyone nows that if you're playing doubles, you put two cards down. uh uh. put as many of those motherfuckers as you can neatly stacked one on top of each other and do it discreetly and no one is any wiser. am yet to be caught on that method - get in!

in between hands of the arsehole part of the game we have as many rounds of seven boy as you can. too many rules to go into, but basically two dice get rolled and whenever 7 comes you have a 7 boy (or bitch) that has to drink, and then there's doubles and all sorts of other numbers that force a drink on people. the trick is to pick your favourite (or least) person to be 7 boy and then constantly hammer them with fake 7's by rolling so quick they don't notice. make a big song and dance about rolling 7, scoop the dice up, roll again, make another big song and dance about doubles or whatever and hit em again....poor fucker ends up completely paralytic in half an hour and chunder is inevitable.

aaaaah makes me want to crack out the dice and cards now and have a round....sadly i'm stuck at work cheating my boss out of his money by contributing this post....bad bad person
(firesnake, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 16:44, Reply)

not so much cheating as being sneaky, but...
as a wee nipper visiting my grandma, i was rather disgruntled to only be allowed one biscuit with tea, when the grownups were all allowed 2!

They all went out into the garden to look at some new plants; the perfect opportunity, you would think, to have a sneaky biccy. But no, my mother counted them all before they left the room! curses!

My evil little mind took offence at this, and thought "well, if I can't have more, than neither can they!". So I licked all the biscuits.

When they came back in, and someone reached for the biscuits, I said "I've licked that one." They reached for another: "I've licked that one too."

Evil me!


...evil me got a spanking. and they ate them anyway, knowing that i didn't have herpes or anything. dammit, foiled again!
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 16:21, Reply)

I only cheated once in my life.

When I was about 5 I got Guess Who for Christmas. When assembling the two boards I put them in sequence with one another so that I could work out who the other person was when they put down theirs on the first go. Quite ingenious for a littl'un - I even waited a few goes before guessing as not to get caught.

Everyone thought I was a child Guess Who Prodigy until my uncle worked out the very simple sequence... I'm still not trusted on my own with board games to this day.
(Chom, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 15:58, Reply)

Mine's crap.
I hated P.E at school, I hated having to expose my skin to the bloody freezing weather in early winter as Mrs. Kilpatrick made us do.

So, one day we were separated into teams and told to stand out in the cold in shorts and t-shirts. A bit later said teacher handed us table-tennis paddles and those stupid ping-pong balls with the holes in them. The objective was to bounce the ball on the paddle while walking to a bollard and back. By waggling my thumb and moving the paddle erratically, I was able to mimic this very well, I thought.

I held the paddle and slipped my thumb into the ball when the teacher wasn't looking and went on my way. As the teacher was so far away she didn't see me do it, but became suspicious when I showed the dexterity of something other than an epileptic having a wank.

She came in sight just as I loosened the ball (waggled a bit harder) and dropped it in front of the rest of my team as I finished. The next person picked the ball up, took the paddle and went on their merry way.

Kilpatrick was none the wiser.
(ElectricMonk is falling awake on, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 15:30, Reply)

We used these psudonyms for him at times...
Connor Black...
Conan Drake...
etc

"Yeah, I hit the demon."
"What did you get Bonrad?"
"What do I need?"
"Well, what did you *get*?"
"Er...."

He never actually smelled or anything, don't get me wrong.

(appy polly loggies for the repetition)
( no cake for the impuritay Patrick Stewart hasn't aged since, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 14:52, Reply)

When I was little I would cheat at eye tests.
I would memorise the tiny bottom line before I sat in the chair and then pretend I could read it.

It never occured to me that it was anything other than a competitive challenge.
( Peregr1n @peregr1n, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 14:27, Reply)

cheaty cheats,,,,,,
I love cheating against my little niece when we play board games. If she looks away for even a second i move my piece forward a few squares, fix the dice etc.

She looks at me , then back at the board, and her mouth drops open and her eyes get all huge, like she can't believe her uncle would cheat her at snakes and ladders.

Well sorry honey, its payback for all the times your good old dad used to cheat me..


And i tell her, "its all good practice for when your little brother grows up", then she can cheat him and the cycle will continue.

Ahhhhhh.
(uptonogood, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 14:13, Reply)

So pathetic, yet still a source of shame
When I was just a kid I cheated on school sports day in the egg-and-spoon race... but I had my reasons.

You see, we'd had a practice race the week before. The scool budget not stetching to a couple of dozen eggs, we'd all been given egg-sized lumps of plasticine to run with. Everyone (except me) immediatly pressed their lump into the spoon, sticking it in place, and belted down the track. I wobbled along behind carefully balancing my 'egg'. I finished last, angry and tearful at the unsportsmanlike behaviour of my classmates. I think I even complained to the teacher.

Come the day of the race, again there were no eggs, but there was no plasticine either. Instead we were given small potatoes! No sticking the 'egg' to the spoon this time, or so everyone thought. The first time my starchy load hit to the grass I was struck by a sneaky idea. Picking up the spud, I jammed the end of the spoon into it, just a few millimetres under the skin so at a distance it would look like I was carrying it, and with a wobbly sprint and many elaborate 'whoops I almost lost it that time!' arm movements I crossed the line first, scored a point for my house and took the potato as a 'souvenir' so it couldn't be inspected.

No apologies for the size of my potatoes or the length of my spoon.
(Plyck, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 14:04, Reply)

Central Cheating
I grew up in the shadow of my older and smarter brother and whilst some may have wilted under this pressure to excel I positively shone. Not in an academic manner but more in a lazy, slack jawed duplicitous manner who used the fact that I had an elder brother to my advantage.

My proudest moment came in the practicals for my biology exam. Understanding the effects of wavelengths of light on the growth of Brassica Hirta (it's a classic). I bribed someone (one Wham bar and a can of TNT) to break into the store room where they found an old project completed by my brother. Coincidentally he too had seen it fit to understand the effects of blah blah blah. It took me just a couple of hours to copy his work out word for word.

He had only managed a c whereas I got a whopping b+ for exactly the same work.

Now I have typed this out I wonder why I didn't take somebody else's project. No wonder I am where I am today. Could have done better.

p.s.
whilst my partner in crime was breaking into the cupboard he also saw fit to liberate the school of a pickled kitten. On reflection I would rather have had a pickled kitten then an A level in Biology.

p.p.s.
he later stole a live american bull frog, I'm wondering if it was me that set him on his road of petty thievery.
(I'M JACK MEADOWS, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 14:01, Reply)

You can't forge the verify part of the "I like this link" as it changes each time the page is loaded,
so all the people faking those are not doing anything at all! XD
( stevierar, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 13:45, Reply)

grr boy
very clever
(rhyddman, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 13:44, Reply)

Well, there was this one time,
I did this this, and then a couple of days later, probably completely separately, someone else did this.

Now im not pointing any fingers, but you're only cheating yourself.
(Rushy, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 13:12, Reply)

I once cheated in a competition...
It was to see how popular I could make my made up story on a message board, QOTW I think it was called or something like that.

Anyways, to cut a long story short, I made up a story about sexually attractive women and then promised photographs of them that can be found by following this link tinyurl.com/7plw4

Edit: - it is work safe.
But not that cunning
(Troncmaster, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 13:06, Reply)

In college
I submitted the same major project for both my Computing and ICT A levels. Exactly the same.

Got a B in both. Funny that.
(Carling, pint of, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 12:54, Reply)

technical test at interview
I was asked to do an AS400 RPGIV Technical Test at an interview with Skandia in Southampton. They left me in a conference room on my own for 1hr. Got my Introduction to RPGIV book out and copied all the answeres out of it. Finished in 40mins.
Started 3mth contract there 1week later.
(cowkicker, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 12:51, Reply)

Running and Risk
When I was 11 we had to run 4 times round this running track at school. My friends and I hid in the bushes on the first time round and came out on the last time round to pick up respectable 4th, 5th and 6th places. Too polite to go for the podium

Also, I used to add extra armies to the Risk board with my toes when no-one was looking.
(breakfastwithjam, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 12:44, Reply)

meh
I'm fairly intelligent (4 or 5 points on the IQ scale from being a genious, BLAST!)
anyway, I'm also a lazy little fucker and on more than one occasion I've resorted to "creative problemsolving".

this has mostly happened on maths, physics and chemistry exams since I could never be arsed to learn that stuff. Writing stuff to the memory of the Ti-83 is a classic, come to think of it I think more than half of the people in my class did this.

I used to cheat a lot on computer games too, but not that much nowadays.
( The little pink animal is mostly harmless, except on, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 12:31, Reply)

Cheating with Max Power
I am a civil engineer and there was an engineering conference at the NEC last year, so went there for, essentially, a skive. Which was nice. Naturally, my manager and I had to stay in Birmingham in the hotel attached to the NEC. However at the same time there was the Max Power 'show' going on with all their chaved up cars and pus-faced youths tossing off over the purple saxos and ear-bleedingly loud stereo systems. Crucially though, there were some astoundingly fit models in bikinis being paid to entice testosterone filled lads to their stand on the pretence being interested.
Now these models were also staying in the hotel where my manager and I were staying. Wooo! Problem: They had their own conference room booked in the hotel, so they wouldn't have to be bothered by anyone when the night was over, and they could carry on boozing. This was downstairs and had their own security apes on the door not allowing anyone without a pass in to bother the girls. A shame, but understandable, too many people had seen them in the Max Power show, and some might turn out a little weird, especially as the girls had been paid to flirt with them.

This is where the cheating came in. My manager and I had our laptops with us, but we also had a high spec colour laserjet printer with us, in the car - we thought we'd try to blag our way in to meet the fit, drunk girls.. So we spent a few minutes designing ID cards with 'Official Max Power crew' on them, printed them on the BACK of our own company ID cards and tried our luck!!

IT ONLY WENT AND FUCKING WORKED!! WOOOO!!!!

So we managed to get in and spend the night drinking with these spectacularly fit Max Power models - even managing to get extra friendly with one of them
Nice, huh?

Managed to get a picture of me with several of the models, see here: http://tinyurl.com/duph4

See how cheating works? Its amazing, and very very cunning.
(grr_boy, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 12:27, Reply)

Teacher/Student Cheat Shocker
My english language a-level teacher was an absolute legend, not only because she'd cancel lessons because she "couldn't be bothered to teach us today", but she came into her own when it came to coursework. After learning absolutely nothing for the year we had her, next came the possible minefield of A2 coursework.
Cue the whole class handing in questionable first drafts, only for her to say that she would write extra things for us that we could add to our work. She also constantly marked our work so that we got the best marks. I also borrowed majorly from my media studies coursework forthis, as I basically did the same subject for both courseworks.
I absolutely bricked it when my coursework was chosen for moderating by the exam board. I got off scott-free though, as did the rest of the class, as most of us got A's for the coursework! :D......cheating bitch
(Dazzorifik is bored of b3ta, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 12:16, Reply)

homemade game
Played a homemade game with some friends recently. 8 of us present and everyone had to think up and write down 20 famous people. All the names were cut into strips, folded up and placed in a bowl. Two teams were then formed and one person from one team had one minute to take a name from the bowl and describe the person named on the paper until one of their team guessed who it was, then another name was picked and so on until the minute was up. The names that were guessed correctly were placed in a pile to be counted at the end of the game. So for example if i took out a piece of paper and it had 'Bill Clinton' I would say 'ex president of US who didn't have sex with Monica'. Someone on my team says 'Bill Clinton', i place bit of paper onto my teams correct pile.
The two teams keep taking turns until all the names in the bowl are used.
Halfway through this game it became glaringly obvious that we were going to suffer a big defeat so I decided we needed to 'help' ourselves. As we were drinking I went to the fridge to get beers and pocketed a scissors and a sheet of paper. Then everytime I went for wee I could cut strips of paper similiar to the ones with the names on them and put them in my pocket, then I would quietly 'add' them to my teams correct pile when no one was looking. This tactic was proving extremely succssful and our teams 'comeback' was looking good. Well it was until someone asked me for a lighter whereby I stood up put my hand in pocket, whipped out my lighter and, as I'd forgotten they were there due to beer, I also pulled out about 15 folded bits of paper which fell onto the floor around my feet. After this I was searched by the opposing team who uncovered two folded sheets of A4 paper in one sock and a scissors in the other sock. I was well and truly caught. My teams winning pile was examined for 'blank' bits of paper and they were all removed. For the record, we lost.
( sneep used to date Freddie Starr's hamster, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 12:09, Reply)

Stealing candy from babies
Not me this time, but my former boss used to be the head of his (much more sandstone than MY sandstone) university's German club. This had several benefits:

1) the constitution of the club specified that decisions must be made by the president and one other executive member. Not by "3/4 of the membership" or any other democratic quorum. Cue my boss appointing his girlfriend secretary and running the German club as their personal fiefdom.

2) The university granted money for the club's "educational" role. Me: "So what did the club do?" Him: "Drank beer and ate sausages." Cue sandstone university paying $1000 a term for the club to eat sausages and drink beer. Awesome. The "educational" grant was kept by the expedient of teaching one word of German per swill session. "The word for the week is... BOCK."
But that's not the best bit...

3) At orientation week (I don't know what you Brits or Seppo's call it, but here the first week of term is O-Week) vulnerable first years, bloated with excitement and free beer, sign up for every club and society in sight. Cue my boss and his girlfriend charging about 150 dumbass first years 15 Pacific Pesos to join their club, knowing damn well that only about 1/3 of them will actually turn up for the beer and sausages.

Chris, you fucking rule. Really.
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 12:05, Reply)

I have never cheated but ...
I helped someone cheat. And got caught!

I gave a friend at uni the source code of a program I had written for a piece of coursework and she copied it verbatim.
Yes, even down to the comments!
I had not put in my name in the comments, which I soon regretted, as we both got done for plagarism.
( coder.keitaro I like pies!, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 12:05, Reply)

haha!
I cheated on a uni exam right in front of the examiner. I had one of those programable calculators and wrote my entire years worth of notes on it. At the start of the exam all teachers told us to erase the memory on our calculators so i thought i was up the creek. Turns out my calculator was different to everyone elses and when the teachers came around to check if the memory had been cleared, they couldn't figure out how to do it. I insisted that i cleared it, and because i was one of the quiet reasonably well behaved students, this wasn't questioned.

Suckers.
(brotagaia, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 11:46, Reply)

Cheating at flying
well, ok the aeronautics exam. I studied Aeronautical Engineering, where the exam room had a fairly low ceiling and a nice wide joist protruding down about 2 feet from the ceiling. Just right for sticking helpful hints to the back face. If you sat right at the back of the room, you could read them from your desk whilst chewing the end of your pencil in a pensive manner.

Would have worked really well if it hadn't been for people in the rows nearer the front craning their necks to read the notes, or leaning back on their chairs to get a better look. Cue the invigilator strolling to the back of the room to see what everyone was looking at...

Arse. It was taken as a group conspiracy and we had to sit the exam all over again.
(DickScratcher, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 11:33, Reply)

Sneaking looks at Xmas Presents Early
I was notorious for this, as one one occasion I found where my parents had hidden "Donkey Kong Country" on the SNES. When the parents were out I'd unwrapped this and played it. I worked out what time they were coming home, and had it all wrapped and put away again.

Come Xmas day, me mam gave me the game and I plugged it in and started playing. Slight prob was my mother wanted a look, and when she saw I'd already got 56% through the game she was a bit questionable.

I think that is classified as cheating really. Also, Busterbeckett, that cheat was for half of the Konami games ever released on the SNES. Feck that is sad. Used to use that for TMNT tournament Fighters (gives extra characters for 2 player games). Now that is sad.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 10:47, Reply)

Maths GCSE Cheating
I cheated on my GCSE Maths non-calculator paper by taking my mobile phone in my pocket with me.

Needless to say it was useless. I got one incorrrect answer off it, and funnily enough, a Nokia 3310 didn't handle trigonometry very well.

Pile of shit.
(Black_Dwarf frawD_kcalB, Fri 18 Nov 2005, 10:17, Reply)