hated him..
when i was about 10 i had this dentist who hated kids so he was
always quite mean to me. then once i had to have a filling.

so i went to have the filling in my tooth done and i was ok till
i panicked cos he was scrapin my tooth so i tried to breath through
my mouth an he got pissed off cos then he had to keep taking his hands
out of my mouth so it was takin about an hour longer than it normally
would do.

then as he was nearly finished i tried to breath through my
mouth again an he said "i'm nearly done just wait" so i tried
again an he started shoutin at me "I'M NEARLY DONE JUST WAIT!"

did i wait???
did i fuck!

i bit the cunt an left a mark on his hand!
he retired shortly after.

.
(i eat crayons, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 22:07, Reply)

A few years ago, I had braces fitted
Prior to this, however, I had to have four molars removed - under general anaesthetic. Which was fun. The stuff doesn't wear off as soon as you wake up. I remember telling the nurse to bring my shoes as they were "bloody expensive".

Anyway, fast forward about an hour and I'm leaking copious quantities of blood from where me teeth used to be - all this in the back of the car. My grandad gave me salt water to congeal the blood - unfortunately it congealed in my mouth, which is utterly disgusting.

This was followed by many hours of bleeding into tissues. Bloody braces! I've had them off since, and my teeth still aren't straight.
( The Coast Of Yemen, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 22:05, Reply)

capped
When I was younger, I broke my front teeth after falling off my bike. My mum took me to visit Dr Whitehouse (yes) the next day, and he was happy to cap my teeth for me there and then, which according to him would hold until my adult teeth came through.
However, what the dear doctor had failed to realise that I'd already had my bigboy teeth come through, and subsequently spent the next few months sporting a straight set of teeth, with two blindingly white caps right at the front.

There was also the time when one of my molars to remove an abcess, without allowing time for the painkillers to settle in. Ouch
( Dazz - In Your Base, Killing Your Dudes since, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 22:04, Reply)

My dentist
If you look closely at his drill you can see the words 'black' & 'decker'.
(Good Looking Deity Grew a magnificent beard on, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 22:01, Reply)

My dentist is currently on trial for Serious Professional Misconduct.
He also happens to be an absolute twunt. He was found one night doing laps of a car park in his son's Corsa with his wrists slashed, doped up on his own anaesthetic. The next day he removed one of my teeth. Needless to say, it didn't heal all that well, as he left half the fucking thing behind. He suffers from severe Short Man Syndrome and me being 6ft 2 does not help that situation. Every time I went he would attempt to punch me. The reason he is on trial at the minute is because he "forgot" to anaesthetise a patient of his and began root canal work on her, causing her to flee the surgery in tears and requiring a fair amount of private dental treatment. What an absolute cock.
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 22:00, Reply)

Mr Stiff?
I had a dentist called Mr. Willy. I shit you not.

I had to ask if I'd heard right when they told me his name at the reception desk, and then it was all I could do to keep a (reasonably) straight face until I got to the waiting room (which fortunately never contains any staff to hear my guffaws).

And no, he wasn't a giant willy that spunked Listerine. He was just a normal human guy. More's the pity :(
( Albert the Mildly Deranged purveyors of nothing much since a year or two ago, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 21:47, Reply)

Mr Hacket
That was his name.
It made occasional giggles.
( Letum Your Ad here £2.40, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 21:43, Reply)

Erotic dentistry
I'm so old that I was having orthodontic work done when the lie-flat dentists' chairs were being introduced. Until then, the chairs were situp with just a bit of tilt.The orthodontic work was done at the dental hospital, part of the university, so it wasn't unusual to have students doing some of the work. One well upholstered specimen decided that for better access she would work from above. The beauty of this from my point of view was that she rested her ample knockers on my forehead. No anaesthetic necessary except in the trousers department . . . .
(The Jannie, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 21:29, Reply)

My dentist was a sheep fecker
My first dentist was a fat elderly Australian with thick, greasy glasses, halitosis, dripping brylcreemed hair, dirty looking hands and no gloves. He'd prod and poke like he'd learned the trade on a sheep farm, his attentions fixed firmly on flossy the sheep and not flossing. Evil.
(whatswiththemonkey, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 21:18, Reply)

Stupid dentists
The stupid dentist told me my wisdom tooth was impacted. As the years passed it eventually grew in but rather quickly broke and began to decay.

I recently pulled it out with a pair of pliers. Actually, I just managed to break it off at my gumline.

Yes, it hurt and no, it hasn't healed very well. At least I didn't have to goto the dentist.
(scarsfromknives, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 21:13, Reply)

Ahh...
I remember my first trip to the dentist.
(abignumber, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 21:06, Reply)

Dentist?
I didn't think we had them anymore in the UK
( thistle, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 20:56, Reply)

Yep!
My dentist got me mixed up with my brother and gave me a filling meant for him.

tosser
( NAWS Whats all this then, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 20:55, Reply)

Oh....
... and IIRC I never reached the vinegar strokes over Judy that morning either.
(LunarJim, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 20:52, Reply)

Mine was a comedian
Well not quite. As a kid I went to a pretty bloody good dentist in Newmarket called Mr Gould. He was always very professional and got my wonky old buggars into good shape.
Then he left the practise. Bollocks!
A year or so later I was polishing my spam javelin to a younger Judy Finnegan on This Morning (It must've been a school holiday), and suddenly on the screen is Mr Gould talking about a new sitcom he's written called Rude Health and starring John Bird.
Sorry Mr G, if you're reading this, you were a much better dentist than a comedy writer.
(LunarJim, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 20:51, Reply)

You think YOU'VE had it bad?
They took seven of my teeth out. SEVEN. AT ONCE. Fair enough, seven teeth isn't *quite* the eight that another b3tan had removed, but...

As well as the missing teeth, I got my gums quite literally peeled back, and had these "packs" sewn to the roof of my mouth to cover up the gaping holes where they had wrenched some new teeth through. (Heh, and a week later the threads on one of the packs broke, so I had half of it hanging off. This meant it caught on all my food and tried to rip out the tender skin it was attached to.)

After the "procedure", I demand a mirror through mime the second I get back to my hospital room on my wheely bed. Argh. Pete Burns lookalike, covered in blood, teeth like a zebra crossing. Can hardly breathe through my mouth without pain, never mind talk.

Icing on the cake, this, though. I can go home that same day, but I'm not allowed to leave the hospital until I've eaten a plate of tuna sandwiches.

Bastards.
(qwerty123, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 20:41, Reply)

My worst experience
was when i chipped my tooth next to my left canine (god knows how i done it) but i went in to get a filling and had to get the drill ¬_¬. see, id never had it done before and was told i needed the numbing stuff and it doesnt helo that im afraid if needles either so i said no, just drill away, it was fine for the first few seconds then im like "FUCKING HELL!" so i finally decided to get the numbing in and after that it was still painful so im hopin i never get the drill ever again.
(Sceeb-O, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 20:37, Reply)

Melbourne
I have a mate who ever since the age of 12 has wanted to be a dentist. He decided this was the profession he wanted to join during one PHSE (fuck about period in your form) lesson. We're looking through a careers booklet, Melbourne has a butchers. 'Fuck me is that what they earn! I'm gonna be a dentist'

A vocation indeed. The lad has just finished the five years training, so if any of you get your teeth sorted in middlesboro and are seen by a 6 foot + built like a brick shit house black lad, it's gonna be him.

There cannot be many other people fitting that description can there?
PS He loves it if you're a bit racialist to him. No seriously, try it.
(luckymcdanger, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 19:56, Reply)

sadistic
I still shudder at the memory of the dentist i had as a wee boy,took a tooth out without enough anesthetic and he seemed to know i was in fucking agony.
(shug, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 19:54, Reply)

Scary old man
I have never had a filling, but I have been to both Dentists and Orthopaedists privately for years. Anyway, as me Grandad was GP he knew a dentist whose practice was on Harley Street (posh posh posh) I suppose the clue was in his name Mr Clifton-Sammuel. I remember as a small child being absolutely pretrified of this lecherous child-catching old man, made far worse by the fact his waiting room was covered head to toe in UKIP propaganda and newspaper clippings of what he would call Fuzzies doing bad deeds, he said he liked them up there to remind people of the reason that the UK as a nation should be mindful of who we let in and who we deal with. The old man (who's teeth were appalling it must be said) had a different assistant everytime I went all of whom were busty and pretty, but horribly incompetent, but did I care? Yes I fucking did! The image of a squinting old man examining you while a otherwise attractive torture wench held me down scarred me for many years. I havent been to the dentist since and I still have my winning smile!
(jambolio, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 19:53, Reply)

Only 8 teeth
When I was a wee lad I loved the sugar, typical horrible child.
Anyway at one point my teeth were so bad that I had to have EIGHT removed at once, No kidding.
This wouldn't be too bad unless I was knocked out using gas.
So waking up and your mouth suddenly realizing that eight teeth are missing leads for a lot of pain.

At least I had plenty of sugar to make up for the torture.
(g256, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 19:48, Reply)

Transylvanian Dentist
My old dentist had an accent I couldn't quite place - somewhere mid-European - but he sounded suspiciously like The Count from Sesame Street.

Normally that would raise a smile, but it was a lot less funny when I'd see him coming towards me with pliers as the anaesthetics were starting to kick in saying, "You vill not feel a thiiiiing, ak ak ak".

Spoils the story somewhat, but he was a very pleasant chap when he wasn't mangling your gob for money.
(superscape blames it on the bogie, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 19:44, Reply)

Me friend had a bit of work done by his dentist on him......
...after the side of his face lost a 60mph collision with the side of a Volvo (I fucking hate Volvos btw, they're as bad as BMW drivers). His ex-mate at the time had given him a backy on a motorbike, and failed to tell him it was stolen. He spotted a cop car and floored it, hitting another parked car during the getaway. Jason got thrown over the top, slamming shoulder/face first into the Volvo. Ouch.

So Jason has reconstructive surgery on his face, and hell of alot of dentistry. In fact, the next time I saw him he looked like he was wearing Lisa Simpson's braces (ie the hideous American Football guard) in his mouth, with wires sticking through various parts of his cheek.

In fairness he still went out on the piss, and could only eat/drink through a straw, but everytime I made him laugh he'd split his gums open and cough up blood, while mumbling "MMmmmmbbbaaarrrggghhh!!!!!" through wire-mesh. Ohhhh, I'm such a cunt.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 19:30, Reply)

While I remember the fear I used to have of dentist things.....
...I popped my cherry to a dental nurse about 10 years ago, quite a fit bird too :D

That helped my fear a bit.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 19:19, Reply)

I had to go to the dentist a few weeks ago, to have my back teeth taken out so I could have my wisdom teeth row through.

So I'm waiting in the small pathetic funtcucking excuse of a waiting room, and all I can here is screaming from the next door, with my dentist saying "It's only a small pair of pliers"
At this point I promptly get up, walk into the room, and stab my dentist in the eye with his fuckoff drill he was wielding in his other hand.

With blood spurting from his eye, I expected them both to shut the hell up, but alas, this was not the case.

I am now wanted by East Berkshire police, and will most likely get bummed by a big black guy called "Big Jeff" if I get caught.
(NickB haberdasher to the stars, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 19:17, Reply)

I warned him...
Went to have my wisdom teeth taken out last year, all four of them. The first two went quite smoothly, apart from leaving me with a bruise under the left side of my chin for which I got pitying "you should leave him, love" looks from people in shops.

The second two didn't go quite as well. It took a while for the dentist to get the top one out, by which time the local anesthetic had worn off considerably on the bottom one. The dentist began to pull at it enthusiastically with his pliers (they are, aren't they?) so I started to protest, the only way I knew how with his hands in my mouth.

"Whaaaarr," I said.

He kept pulling.

"WHAAAAAARR!" I repeated a bit more loudly.

The bastard kept pulling.

So I did the only natural thing and shut my mouth, screaming "That hurt!" as I did so.

"Well I'll give you some more anesthetic," my dentist said calmly, "As soon as you stop biting my fingers."

I'd clamped down on his fingers as hard as I could as a reflex, through his gloves and half through his skin. I was quite impressed at how cool he stayed, but then again dentists are emotionless bastards in general aren't they.
(Topoana, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 19:03, Reply)

Dying Daddy
I haven't been to the dentist for a stupidly long time: It must be getting on for 10 years. I actually thought I was a fucking scrubber but so are a lot of people here so now I don't feel so bad.
I have a good excuse though: childhood trauma :/

*wavy lines*

My dad went for a filling or something similar when I was a wee nip of about 5 or 6. All good. Daddy came home speaking like a bit of a spaz but nothing much new there. Fast forward a few hours.....

Daddy rolling around the living room floor screaming and crying in agony as Mum desperately tries to call neighbours, friends and an ambulance.

Turns out the stupid twunt of a dentist had stuck the pin holding the filling in into my Dad's FOOKING NERVE. Imagine the fun when the drugs wore off.

Dad spent a few weeks doped on morphine. He regrets coming off it.

And one more thing you bunch of bastards. I have spent approximately one year working up the courage to go for a checkup. No word of a lie. I just cancelled the appointment I had for tommorrow plus the day off work I had planned to recover from the stress. Thanks. Cunts.
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 19:00, Reply)

I've generally had good experiences
with dentists. Even having all my wisdom teeth out and stuff. There was one though, named Dr. Leslie.
He must have been nearly 80, and you could feel his hands shaking while he was working. And he'd forget your name half the time.
He had a degree for clinical hypnosis from some time in the 70s on his wall. And he'd always hum this tune that sounded vaguely like Tubular Bells.
I'm really amazed he didn't kill me in the end.
( trintrin has jam for blood, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 18:57, Reply)

A friend of mine...
...has a titanium implant in place of one of her teeth, which she got when she was in her teens. Not cheap - a grand and a half if I remember rightly. Parents paid of course.

The reason she has the implant? She'd been to the dentist and was told she'd have to have a tooth out as it had a rotten root. Not great news, but not the end of the world either.

Said friend unfortunately didn't like the idea of the dentist removing her tooth, so in her infinite wisdom (aha, see what I did!) decided to set upon loosening and removing the tooth herself - wiggling and waggling it with some vigor and a lot of determination. And eventually she managed to extract it on her own. 'HOORAY!' she must have thought.

But oh no...

Now I suppose it's an easy mistake to make, but seriously, if you're going to do something as extreme as pulling out one of your own teeth then MAKE SURE IT'S THE RIGHT BLOODY ONE.

The tooth that SHOULD have come out was one of those middly, unimportant ones. The gap would have closed naturally and it wouldn't have been a problem.

The one she plucked out? A front incisor.

Somehow she managed to conceal the truth and, indeed, the tooth from her parents. (I have no idea what the dentist thought - I like to imagine he shook his head in disbelief and sighed a lot.)

Home dentistry...it comes with a price. £1,500 in this particular case.
( The Helpful Bear, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 18:36, Reply)

I can always remember my first dentist
I was six, and needed one of my jaw teeth removed. Any single touch of the tooth cried purple blistering pain in my mouth.
The cunt gassed me. I woke up an hour later puking blood, and completely confused about what the hell just happened. I left the surgery and garbled what happened to my mam, who promptly changed Dentists. It was one of the most traumatic memories of my life and really made me get teh fear over the average Dentist.
PS - Mrs Jeccy is slightly opposite; her job - DENTAL RECEPTIONIST. I must be mental.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 2 Nov 2006, 18:07, Reply)