As we're posting 'woe is me' stories
here's one

www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2110383/Anakin-Skywalker-actor-Jake-Lloyd-Star-Wars-fame-turned-life-living-hell.html?ito=feeds-newsxml
(Monkee girl not a monkee, not a girl, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 3:20, 4 replies)

Being made a public spectacle
just due to collecting one's rightful First World benefits:

news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/
( Squilliam but . . . . *I'm* the one with all the talent!, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 2:21, 1 reply)

Microsoft Office
MS Word - each document opens in a new window, so you can put a window on each of your two screens and then cut-and-paste between them.

MS Excel - each document opens by default as a new pane inside the existing Excel window, so you can't EASILY put each spreadsheet on a different screen and cut-and-paste!

Bastards!
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 8 Mar 2012, 0:13, 8 replies)

Here's another news item for you...
...this time from your side of the pond.

news.blogs.cnn.com/2012/03/07/u-k-pants-label-give-laundry-to-your-woman/?hpt=hp_c4

Gotta love real-life trolling.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 7 Mar 2012, 23:26, 3 replies)

I've got a first world problem with people who all of a sudden claim to care about the third world
Fuck off out of my news feed with all your Kony shit!

At lest he's giving young black people a job

But in all seriousness, why do all these people, who only yesterday had the biggest problem of getting enough money for the latest computer game or night out with their mates, now care massively about African politics and then assume that putting up posters and spamming Facebook is going to make a difference in a country thousands of miles away!?

As said further down this page, they seem to think that they could stop the likes of Hitler, Kim Jon Ill, Mussulini etc. by fly postering their local town and telling all their mates about the nasty man in Germany/North Korea/Italy
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 23:13, 9 replies)

This man has problems with the first world
www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/9121424/We-cannot-afford-to-indulge-this-madness.html
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 7 Mar 2012, 21:33, 7 replies)

Can't get my 5 a day because my benefits aren't enough.
No - you are too stupid/lazy to budget, select and cook properly.
(Hansdown, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 20:05, 11 replies)

The nanny state has taken my civil liberties
because I can't smoke in a pub.
Next you'll lose the vote and then be stoned to death for unproven adultery.


For the record I would bring back smoking in pubs after 10pm. Bit of atmos.
(Hansdown, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 19:11, 37 replies)

Genetically Modified Crops
GM crops should be developed as they will save the developing world from starving to death, or so the argument goes.

Funny how the advocates of this tend to be large US bio-tech companies who really only want to make money out of the situation (see "crop termination", aka the "terminator gene", or "traitor technology" to understand what a bunch of scumbags they are).

I've got a better idea. The US, the fattest nation on Earth, goes on producing food at the same level as it does now, and we put its population on a diet. The difference between what they consume and what they produce can then be sent off to help the starving.
(An eejit passing by in a purple satin skirt with sparkly bits, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 18:26, 17 replies)

The planet will explode because I'm so selfish
Maybe humans will be responsible for the end of the world, maybe before that sea levels will rise causing catastrophies on a scale that we've never seen before. Science is nowhere near to answering those questions. There are more pressing issues in this world right now than your carbon footprint. Stop being a sheep, grow up and stop being so self indulgent.
(Hansdown, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 18:19, 2 replies)

My Ipad battery ran out 15 minutes before the end of the lecture, I was stuck listening to the lecturer..
( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 17:38, Reply)

And another one straight out of the headlines...
www.cnn.com/2012/03/07/living/end-r-word/index.html?hpt=hp_c4

Okay, I understand political correctness. I understand not wanting to have your kids stigmatized and all of that. But banning the R word in favor of "intellectual disability"? Is this really worth getting all a-twitter over?

I have a disability myself, namely that my left ear is non-functional. I can't hear anything on my left, and often have difficulties in understand people's speech in general. But if someone refers to me as "hearing disabled" it annoys the fuck out of me. I'm deaf. Not differently abled, not auditorally challenged- DEAF. Similarly, I've had mood swings all of my life- not enough to be disabling, but unpleasant enough. I'm not bi-polar, I'm manic depressive, thankyouverymuch. Bipolar disorder sounds like magnets. It doesn't really carry the same meaning to me. But they banned the term manic depression because it wasn't politically correct enough.

Get over yourselves and man the fuck up.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 7 Mar 2012, 17:31, 29 replies)

People keep posting Kony videos on my facebook.
I don't like rap music so I just delete them but it takes up so much of my time.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 16:51, 4 replies)

Brian
This wasnt his name, it was something different. He had a habit of whinging about everything and anything. and then typically within the same breath, mention his intentions to do something which obviously would lead amplifying said issues.

Let me explain.

Brian would whinge that he never had any money. Despite being on the same wage as me, and living at home with his mum and dad, he would would regularly update our team with his woes and debts. He would then boast of the expensive things he was buying that night.

Laptops were a common one, where in one breath he explained he was having to lend money off his mum for petrol to get to work, and in the same breath that he was hoping to buy a new laptop at the weekend. regardless of the fact he already had 2 laptops less than 9 months old, which he would boast of its power in his email signature. He needed another, purely for using in the bedroom.

I remember another time where he told me how he needed to buy a new car, the Clio he had just wasnt powerful enough, so he bought a new Audi, and then the following week complained that he was 'chewing tyres' this i assumed was down to his appetite to agressively pulling away from traffic lights over and over again. We warned that this would probably end up in another 'costly event' he laughed us off.

Instead a week later when he was driving me to work he 'aggresively pulled away from the traffic lights and both front tyres exploded. The next day sure enough, he explained how expensive a set of top of the range tyres were going to cost him, and that he was baffled at why he had managed to chew up a set of tyres so quickly.

Its not that im the type of person that skits or laughs at peoples woes, its that I cannot abide people who whinge about the woes they create without any intelligence to learn from mistakes.

He still lives at home with his mum and dad, with his wife... and 2 children.

Massively in debt.

I think it sums up a generation where Greed dictates, and that nothing gets in the way of getting what you want.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 16:41, 6 replies)

I dislike people who don't wear sandals or flip flops after showering in the gym, thereby making the changing room floor all wet
It's a right pain in the arse when you're trying, Zammo-style, to hoover up spilt drugs.
(square go, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 16:37, Reply)

It's dreadful
When you can't find a soup spoon.
And then when you do you can't find your soup spoon fork to pick it up with.
Nor your soup spoon fork tongs.
Or your soup spoon fork tongs tongs.
Or your soup spoon fork tongs tongs server.
And then your soup spoon fork tongs tongs server slice is dirty.

(Thanks to Mr. Mark Evans for alerting me to this situation.)
( Amish Information Systems hates misplaced, commas, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 16:04, 11 replies)

I am annoyed that a certain amount of people have made this site like a clique
that is now unusable by regular b3tards, thusly making it a playground for cuntish cunts to work their cunt-tastic magic.

If I get more annoyed I may make a list...
(King Nightmare, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 15:06, 17 replies)

The Game

(BeatsWork, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 13:54, 15 replies)

Whenever I copy a URL
and right click in the address bar, I always click 'paste' before I notice the next option is 'Paste and go', and I have to hit return manually.

What a dreadful waste of my precious time.
(username failed moderation, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 13:35, 1 reply)

AIDS
No wait, that's a 3rd world problem. lol. My bad.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 12:19, 3 replies)

My old flatmate Danny...
Way back in the mists of time, I was living in a temporary house while I was between jobs. Nobody in the house knew each other, but four out of the five of us got along all right, and generally bore up in the spirit of the blitz.

And then there was Danny.

In a simpler age, the young Danny would have been left on an exposed crag to perish. Sadly, such practices have fallen out of custom, and it was up to the rest of us to try to get along with him.

Danny had been spoiled rotten as a child and then, when his parents had realised what a shitty job they'd done, cut-off and kicked out to fend for himself.
His reaction to even the smallest inconvenience was to go apocalyptically mental, toddler-style. For example, when he was told to pay all that inconvenient rent he owed the landlord, he took a pair of knives from the kitchen and started running up and down the stairs with them, threatening people.

When the TV didn't get the channel he was after, he shouted swore, covered the living room in kebab and threatened physical violence to the next person he saw (Me).

When he was asked to contribute to the power bill, he actually threatened suicide, and after several months of living with him I'd have been glad to help.
"No, you see Danny, you're not really getting in deep enough with that razor blade. Why, it's almost as though you're an Emo cunt who just wants the scars for show! Silly, silly. You see, what your really need to do is FUCKING JAM IT INTO THE ARTERY LIKE THIS!"

To be fair to him though, I've never been so motivated in a job search.
"Got to get a job and get out of here or I'm actually going to murder him. Got to get a job and get out of here or I'm actually going to murder him. Got to get a job and get out of here or, God help me, I'm actually going to murder him."
It took me three weeks, applying for five or six a day.
(universalpsykopath loves what you've done with your hair., Wed 7 Mar 2012, 11:29, 1 reply)

It's shit
I hate it when some asshole writes a condescending reply to a poster who has a valid objection to a previous unreasonable reply to a reply with dignity and gravitas about a twattish response to a sensible and well thought out retort to someone else's ignorant comment about a perfectly legitimate counter point to an intemperate statement about a sapient and perspicuous argument proposed against an ill thought out and frankly ranting post on a puerile internet discusion board.

That really annoys me.
(Mystery_Machine, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 11:04, 17 replies)

If I was a government, and I found myself sanctioning the formation of a police "Anti Party Squad"
...then I think I might pause for a while and wonder if my priorities didn't perhaps need a little tweaking.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 10:11, 7 replies)

My fave 'First World Problem' story, sorry I cannot recall the sauce, may have been on here:
A couple go to Burger King (other burger joints are available!) and the staff aren't ready yet as they've just opened, so they sit the couple down with a free drink each till they are, but they forgot the straw.

The man then sits and moans and sulks about not having a straw and awaits, maddened and glowering at the staff and his untouched drink, for them to issue one, till eventually, unable to stand this any more, the mrs takes the tops off and says,'Let me show you how to use a sippy cup, darling!'

Made me LOL!
( ..wil, Wed 7 Mar 2012, 8:51, 14 replies)

People in London
who bitch about the tube and other public transport there.

Do you have any idea what public transport is like for the rest of the country? It's dreadful. If you live in a town you've got half a chance of getting a bus going near your work but if you live in a village then nothing, one bus a day if you're lucky.

So London, shut up.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 6 Mar 2012, 22:47, 14 replies)

Rehashed Pearoasted Rant.
People who complain they don't receive enough dole money to even live hand to mouth on, when they actually do receive decent money, and all they waste it on booze and fags etc, leaving them- surprise surprise- without enough cash for the basics.
Such persons then often turn futher towards the welfare state and force taxpayers to subsidize their irresponsible lifestyle even more handsomely.
Well, screw you buddy.
EDIT- This isn't a rant against the 90% of decent, work-hungry people on the welfare state, they are honorable social group. This is against the minority of people who knowingly waste their income and then try to push the consequences onto others. Anecdotally, everyone seems to know several people who could perfectly well but choose not to.
(Glucose-Maximus All over the world., Tue 6 Mar 2012, 22:22, 13 replies)

it's not fair
No mis-sold pension, mortgage or loan protection. No whiplash injuries. Never been so much a touched by a priest, teacher or care worker. Never been damaged by a vaccine or been a victim of crime. Never tripped on some wood that shouldn't have been there while carrying a bucket of hot tar. No dodgy breast implants or bodged botox.

Not one fucking penny in compensation.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 6 Mar 2012, 22:14, 4 replies)

People who moan about British public transport have no idea how hard and miserable life could really be.
They could have to use the Brussels metro.

*shudders*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 22:08, 6 replies)

I have a special disdain for hippies into techno.
Cunts.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 21:07, Reply)

Middle class crusties
Trying out a 'lifestyle' as it's quite liberating to be able to mingle with the poorer folk and experience that sense of doom and gloom and heavy drug-use, but it's also nice to ring Mummy or Daddy when shit gets real (lice, overdoses, angry people, lost credit card etc).
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 21:03, 8 replies)