You can only get into university if you're academically gifted.
They let any fucker in nowadays.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 10:23, 2 replies)

Bus fares
What in the name of christ happened to the price of bus fares ?

Its costs me (in Bristol) £2.50 each way to go to town and back home on the bus !!! 5 fucking quid !!! to go to work each day....

How is this supposed to promote a greener message to people

its cheaper for me to run a small motorbike (including servicing)
than it is to use the cunting bus
(Cov Boy, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 10:18, 9 replies)

Fit people to be allowed to walk around naked
All munters to have to wear burkhas.

Stupid people and those with incorrect opinions to be shot.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 10:17, 9 replies)

Clipboard Charity Pricks
Ban them from all town centers no ifs no buts
get the fuck out.

If we really need direct debit charity sales in the middle of town
have one web kiosk all charities can use and register on and let the public decide
if they want to set up a direct debit to the charity of
their choice at their leisure.
(Cov Boy, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 10:11, 5 replies)

clears throat
Get all the chavs/rioters etc who are locked up and force them to learn a builders trade. Get them to build another prison cheaply, which most of them will probably end up living in. If it collapses killing the occupants, no one will complain.
( mikeyyy, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 10:02, 1 reply)

Ban all parent taxi's at schools
No more morning commute nightmares for people travelling to work
No more horrendous parking around schools in general
No more children being bought up thinking its their right for a easy life
No more radio show slots that are dedicated to school drop off times
Less chubby/semi-chubby kids

I can think of no reasons not to ban parent school taxi's ?
What the fucks wrong with a decent school bus or walking / bike ?
(Cov Boy, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 10:01, 1 reply)

My Pennyworth

Bring back free university education for people taking useful degrees. Science, engineering, medicine, IT etc. Arts graduates can pay for their fucking education. Psychology, Social Science and other numpty degrees can join the Arts graduates as can lawyers.

Make it possible to sue politicians and political parties for breach of promise. Yes, Nick Clegg, I thinking of you, you lying two-faced power-whore.

For something as important as going to war with another country, for sending our soldiers off to fight and die, make it a compulsory referendum. The whole country get to decide if a spat with another country is worth killing for.

If you lose your driving license, for any reason, you must resit the driving test. No excuses.

Drink driving. First offence - you lose your license for three years. 2nd offence - you lose it for life.

Cyclists. They use the roads - they should pay road tax. Those roads don't build and maintain themselves. If the cyclist also has a car and pays road tax for that, they're exempt for the tax on their cycle. The extra revenue raised by this goes to a dedicated team of traffic police who would hunt down the cuntish cyclists who break the law and are danger to themselves and other road users. (Thankfully, a minority)

Lemmings. The lemmings who wander out into the traffic at random, secure in the knowledge that cars will swerve, slow down or stop to avoid hitting them, should have their kneecaps broken with sledgehammers. Try crossing the road now, fuck-tard.

Compulsory implanted birth control for both sexes (when possible). Implants can only be removed when you can prove that you can afford a kid and have the skills necessary to bring it up. Lawyers and Estate Agents should never be allowed to breed. *Especially* with each other.

NHS. Attack or threaten NHS staff while they're at work and you are banned for life from any NHS treatment. Get sick? Go private or die. Doctors, nurses and paramedics have enough shit to put up with already.


Won't fix everything, but it's a start.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 9:51, 28 replies)

Man farts
Why is it that I could eat the same evening meal as my lovely ex, but 6 hours later his straight from the dragon's den man farts, visibly green like cartoon gas, would wake me from kittenous slumber? His man farts, I deduce, came from a man sac inside his man bits that are hidden to xray.

It should be fixed by being bottled and used as a bulemic drug for instant puke and making me moneys.
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 9:26, 5 replies)

Right (rolls up sleeves)
Where do you start?

How about anyone who has a baby has to go through the same kind of rigmarole that people wanting to adopt have to? If they fail the test, the baby is taken away to the state orphanage where they are brought up to do menial jobs for the rest of us, and potatoe picking.

Once you fail the test, you are sterilised.

Should only take a couple of generations to weed out the chaff (i.e. c. 30 years).

More later.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 9:04, 3 replies)

Fuck you, that paint stick story from last QOTW shoulda been voted tops.
Every other fucking story I think is funny is usually up there, where the fuck was the paint stick story?

Obviously my humour button needs to be fixed.
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Public transport
As QOTW is bordering on the serious this week I feel I have to mention public transport

Climate change and everything else needs us to reduce our energy use and stop using cars, so why are all the alternatives to the car so expensive!! We need investment into a better and reliable infrastructure that is cheaper so more people can use it. It seems stupid that we are told not to use our cars yet it is about half the cost of most other forms of transport to do the same journey.

Other coutries have good public transport as they have invested in it, something we have not done for a long time...
(Studentken is looking for motivation on, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 8:54, 1 reply)

The world has two (2) problems. We need to fix them both.
1. ENERGY
Seriously, we are fucking up the planet with fossil fuels. Common renewables such as wind and solar, even when combined, even when scaled up to the max, cannot provide enough energy for all humans to live nice comfortable modern lives. We need a new technology: we don't know yet what it will be, but we NEED it. One possibility could be Focus Fusion www.focusfusion.org/

2. POPULATION
We already have so many people that we need four (4) planets like this one to provide enough resources for all humans to live nice comfortable modern lives. To make matters worse, the world's population is growing incredibly fast. This has to stop! It's time for effective world-wide family planning.


Blimey, that was all a bit serious. Have a knob gag...
Q. Why mustn't you let your flies come undone in Russia?
A. Chernobyl fallout!
( Purple Martin is board sigless, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 7:55, 8 replies)

Killing several birds with one stone*
I feel there is a consensus that the Chav/Scumbag/Lowlife dumbshit issue is one that will take many many years to deal with - all that education, job creation, training etc will take years.
I firmly believe I have an answer.
Anyone on the street wearing more than 3 items of sports-branded clothing (trainers excepted) should be rounded up into a van and given a basic intelligence/general knowledge test - y'know, nothing too taxing but the kind of thing that the late sainted Jade Goody would have failed miserably. As and when they fail, DNA test them and give them a barcode tattoo, then release them into the wild.
Now the clever bit.
When a worthwhile, tax paying CONTRIBUTOR to society needs an organ (you can see where this is going) then we have a huge database and bank of compatible organs, all being kept nice and warm by the aforementioned scumbags. So! We find them, cull them (humanely, of course) harvest the organs and Bob's your uncle, a repaired useful member of society, back in the land of the healthy and one less oxygen-thieving waste of DNA roaming the streets.
This would drastically reduce the transplant waiting lists, hell it may even get us loads of foreign cash as we could well have a surplus of organs we could export!
There is a serendipitous side effect of this. Once the word getrs around that this is likely to be their fate, the oxygen thieves might just leave, hopefully to our nearest neighbour - France. So we could end up pissing off the French - as I see it, a plan with no drawbacks.

Vote for me!

*Awaits flaming*

*Tongue firmly in cheek
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 7:54, Reply)

A few suggestions
Give all children a free e-book reader and unlimited free downloads to boost literacy levels.

Raise the age to purchase cigarettes every year by one year to attempt to bring up a generation who don’t smoke. Triple the price of cigarettes.

Reduce income tax to stimulate economic growth.

Ban litigation companies such as Claims Direct in an attempt to reduce the “compensation culture” and reduce the automatic sense of entitlement people feel if they have an accident.

Make it more difficult to obtain credit to make people more financially literate.

Introduce two year’s community or military service for 18 – 20 year old’s. Those who gain a university place to be able to defer their service until they have graduated.

Make cyclists register their bikes and display number plates. All cyclists to be made to have insurance.

Fine anyone playing music at a level that others can hear on public transport £500.00.

Ban chugging.

Fine councils who fail to work with charities and other NGO’s to reduce homelessness

Jail anyone found to carrying a gun (without having the appropriate license) for 30 years with no parole.

Ban James Corden from ever appearing on TV again.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 7:53, 7 replies)

heads of european money have said that they will not let greece leave the eurozone
i think Greece should tell them all to fuck a kebab and get on with its own recovery , i also think that they should set up a paypal account for donations to the country's black hole of debt and finally they need to stop fat fucks from eating all the stuffed olive leaves
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 7:50, 2 replies)

World Financial Crisis
Easy to fix, cease the use of money and make every body work for the benefit of society depending on their skill base. Stop paying the cunts who rip every body off a huge sum and put them to work in the fields. Anybody who does not want to work for society does not benefit from it's produce. Cut down on morons breeding by ripping out their wombs/testicles and if anyone has more than one child, turn the other kids into food. Criminals are painted bright colours so that people know that they are scum and avoid them, this self regulating method will allow them to die out. Remove Welfare and put every one to work, Work shy lazy bastards will quickly learn how to plough a field with their bare hands when they are starving to death!

Holy shit, when did I become Pol Pot?
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 7:46, 2 replies)

"Intelligent Design"
Anyone trying to masquerade creationism as so-called "Intelligent Design", especially the cunts that try and get it taught in science classes, should be forcibly raped by badgers.

No; perhaps not--I've got nothing against badgers.
(herbivorous, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 7:42, Reply)

I remember when all this were fields...
well sort of. I remember when b3ta didn't exist yet and neither did the Eurozone.

~~~~~~ wavy lines as we travel back twenty-odd years ~~~~~~

I remember my dad saying a single-currency Europe would never work because the economies in different parts of Europe were so different: he said that there was no way an economy like Germany's could be lumped into the same system as an economy like Greece's, because they work at different speeds. It would all turn into a total train-wreck, he said.

~~~~~~ wavy lines bring us back to the present day ~~~~~~

Well who'd have thunk it, the old git was right! It IS a total train-wreck, and he even correctly picked the country which would cause all the problems! Idiot politicians couldn't see the common sense in not having a Eurozone. An ordinary bloke like my dad could see it, but he wasn't a politician, so no-one payed any attention to what he was saying.

I'm not sure how this fixes the world, as the damage is already done. But I do think that the Eurozone has to go: it is fundamentally flawed and can NEVER work effectively. All the different European countries are just too, erm, different.
( Purple Martin is board sigless, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 7:38, 4 replies)

Get rid of endorsements and penalty points on driving licences.
Done something stupid/dangerous when driving? You lose your licence and have to retake your test to prove you are fit to control a fast moving vehicle.

Done that more than once? Caught driving without a valid licence? Then substantial fines will ensue for you due to endangering the lives of members of the public.

Still continue to be a twat on the road? Actually managed to injure or kill someone? Prison time.

And I'd go along with the idea that folk should have to retake their driving tests beyond a certain age... in fact, I think it should be mandatory for people to retake their tests once every ten years or so. People do forget stuff - important stuff - and rules do change. But we are so laid back about dangers of the road that when someone is killed due to the negligence of others the penalty is all too often a slight slap on the wrist and being let off to carry on as before.
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 7:01, Reply)

Instead of tagging scrotes take away all their hoodies and track suites and force them to dress as clowns, complete with makeup and huge flappy shoes.
Same for driving bans, big clown car that explodes and two doors drop off every time you stop at some lights.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 23 Sep 2011, 6:59, Reply)

I'd just like to reiterate something andythepieman said on page 3
It sort of got mixed up in all his other not so useful ways of fixing the world but is probably the most sensible, achievable thing that has actually been suggested on this qotw.

Instead of giving out benefits give them food/electricity/gas/transport coupons so they can't go and spend it on Sky tv, fags and Special Brew therefore giving them an incentive to get a job but still giving them the means to live
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 6:33, 7 replies)

Make old people re-take their driving test
Say at the retirement age. If you're apparently too old to work then you need to prove that you're not too old to drive.
There are far too many avoidable accidents and frustration that leads to accidents caused by old people not being aware of their surroundings, driving too slow, failing to indicate etc. etc.
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 6:21, 4 replies)

Don't fuck about
Lifetime driving bans for drink drivers - everyone will soon get to know who shouldn't be driving a car. You had a chance, you fucked up. Now you're on the bus for the rest of your life with all the other window lickers.
(SausageWarrior destination Zululand, come on boys jump in the van, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 5:49, Reply)

Vasectomies all round
It should be pretty obvious that scumbaggery is passed on by memes rather than genes, that is to say it's a cultural thing that you pick up from parents and neighbours. Still, the solution turns out to be the same - sterilise the bastards and you short-circuit the cycle of chavdom forever. It's not like Ratboy actually wants kids, so you're doing him a favour anyway. Offer them 3000 or so (enough to buy a spoiler kit and sound system for a scum-car, but not enough to tempt a sensible person) and watch the sink estates slowly leach away all their foulness over a generation or so.
Also, ban brussel sprouts.
(mudskipper, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 4:17, 3 replies)

Corporate Speak.
Especially the word 'incentivi(z/s)ed'...WTF??
( BeefJerky Hands off my jerky.., Fri 23 Sep 2011, 4:11, Reply)

Schools
They should start at 7 years old, and be from 9am till 5pm with four weeks holiday a year, to be taken a week at a time, any time through the year with a week at christmas. That would stop the ridiculous price hikes for holidays during the summer, which they only do to exploit people with kids.
(Freakmandu, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 4:06, Reply)

Trolls
NO
(McChinaman banned, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 3:13, Reply)

Democracy
It's really just not working...
( difficultchild, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 2:20, 5 replies)

License to breed
After constantly hearing stories of and seeing first hand such horrific acts of child neglect and abuse I think there should be some sort of licensing system for prospective parents.
Drug addicts, alcoholics, severely uneducated red necks and so forth can then not use their child as a form of income (From government financial assistance).

Oh, and *insert humourous knob-gag*...
(technocore, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 1:50, Reply)

counting pennies
I and I alone should be given permission to get in the front of a line of old people at the grocery checkout and slowly count out what I owe in small coins.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 1:25, 2 replies)