More Scary Dave
By popular request, (ok not really), more Scary Dave.

It was a very odd workplace in which Dave was just the oddest and scariest - there was one guy who could only get it up by shagging his wife's armpit (and would happily tell us this) and the guy who accused every other man of wearing anal intruders to work. The list, unpleasantly goes on. It's the only job I have had where I have been glad to be considered boringly normal by my workmates.

At work one day, Dave suggested that we should all club together and buy, as he termed it, "Some East European tart. You can get them for about five grand you know..."

He even claimed to have a rota worked out. Sort of like some twisted prostitution timeshare.

I worked out a way to deter him (and some of the others, who were marginally less odd than Dave, one of whom was known as Uncle Fester because of his physical resemblance and shambling zombie gait).

I said "I see where you're coming from Dave, but I know what would happen. One day, you would come in and say 'Sorry lads, I've broken her'."

He looked thoughtful for a bit and said "Yeah, you're probably right."

'Moisty in a box' is the inevitable sorry conversational conclusion if you work in an all male environment, on shiftwork doing a job you all hate. The culture and banter becomes increasingly obscene. Not for those guys normal obscenities, they invented their own. One particular one sticks in the mind: 'Moisty'; pejorative term for the female gentalia.


So on yet another day Dave said "Ok, if some fit bird went under a train and you could get there before the ERU or emergency services what would you do?"

A normal person might think that he was angling to get someone to say he would shag her corpse.

Unpleasant, but far too obvious by Dave's standards.

He said "What you could do, is get a knife, cut out her moisty, put it in a box and take it home and fuck it. You could put it in the freezer and keep defrosting it in the microwave when you needed it."

When he finally left our work for a job as a layabout we were all very happy.

Although reading a story a bit further back, I think he might be a plumber now, I recognise his handiwork...
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Fri 10 Nov 2006, 20:10, Reply)

Shot my older brother in the heel
We were up the woods plinking with my new air rifle and it was his turn to change the target which was about 10 foot away.

I got the heel of his leather adidas trainer bang in the sight and pulled the trigger.

He leaped about 3 feet on the air and was already running after me as he landed.

He never caught me or got anywhere near my air rifle and the bruise was 6" up his ankle and 4" down his foot.

Sorry Jim :-( NOT !!

p.s: LOL @ Handel
(sham-il-eer-tak-tak noes better but still can't give a fuck at, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 20:08, Reply)

Slim Fast
There was the fat girl from my form at school.
She was completely oblivious to the fact that she was the most irritating person EVER!
So was subsequently confused as to why people shouted weight related abuse at her to fuck off.
But I took it too far when I gave her the slim fast leaflet I was nominated to kindly donate to her...

Her face was a picture though :¬D
(The Mighty Mantrap Mantra Man, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 20:03, Reply)

.
Urban legend from the town I went to school in. One of the local fuckhead chavs took his sisters hamster, and fed it an ecstacy tablet.

Bad enough, but they took a video of it, spazzing out and (unsurpisingly) dying, and showing his sister.
(himseelf, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 19:50, Reply)

Ole leather face ......sort of
All of the following is true! Mother got pissed one christmas eve and brought another piss artist neighbour with her. Mother went to bed pissed leaving the neighbour alone with my siblings and drinking OUR christmas ale and not having the decency to leave. Brother decided to get rid of her by shouting/singing from upstairs "Fuck of home". He then bounced into kitchen arse first with his trousers around his ankles showing his bare arse and waved it around in her direction. Lady was pissed and non-plussed but the free drink must have enticed her as shemade no moves to go. His finale was to walk into the room wearing an old hooded coat and a plastic bag over his face with with two ripped holes in it whilst scraping two knives together saying "whos not fucking going home then"....She did. Its so wrong but still makes me piss myself laughing
(freddred, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 19:45, Reply)

Lack of tact.
Can’t beat my dad. He’s always saying something wrong (he can’t see how darkie bob is an offensive term for a black man)

His crowning glory has to be this though;

We had just come back from Spain on a family holiday, for him to find he no longer has a job. (the arse bandits he used to work for are now tits up, were as he’s doing pretty well for himself, so justice is done) We go to a family party were he gets a little drunker then he intended. He earned himself a complaint from my grandparents neighbours for playing with my little cousin (which involved shouting in a pretend Indian accent). He’s still adamant that he’s sober though and drives off to visit my mothers brother and wife, who had tragically had a miscarriage a week in her mid 40s which really ruled out having kids.

It should have been a sombre and upsetting visit. But not for my Dad, Noooo.

Driving while a little too drunk he decides it’s funny to sway the car doing an Indian accent. Mounts the curb, burst two tires on his company car (they probably thought it was revenge)

So turning up to a clearly emotionally drained couple’s house slimly the worse for wear, with a damaged car (which he thought would be fine to drive home in) would be enough for most people.

Not Barry. He isn’t great at reading the mood at the best of times, but when drunk he’s sure to crack bad jokes, laugh a lot and mention how lovely our holiday had been (my aunt had miscarried on holiday) and generally act a dick.

His crowning glory how ever was the joke he made while we were being shown the new bathtub with an impregnated Jacuzzi system.

“I bet a few things have been impregnated in there!” He shouts before laughing loudly.

It was a moment you just can’t imagine being in. Literally the most awkward moment of my life. We called a taxi soon after.

Sad part is, he still can’t see what the big deal is.
(Mong goose, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 19:40, Reply)

got on a train at motherwell
thought it was going to edinburgh

instead it was bound for birmingham

got off at lockerbie and had some bar snacks while waiting for the train back

so essentially i went too far by posting a dull story
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 19:12, Reply)

I went too far once..
Woke up in Debden.

I wanted Bethnal Green.
(luckymcdanger, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 18:35, Reply)

Ah yes
The subject of this little missive is a little scrote who was my first next door neighbour at uni in halls. I shall call him Chris Ross, as this was his name, and he is such a cunt he doesn't deserve to be left anonymous. Anyways. First of all, he broke into my room and broke some eggs all over my furniture. Next, he turned on the firehose and left it running outside my door. Then, late one night, he upended a full rubbish bin outside my door. After this, he broke into my room again and stole my mobile phone, and proceeded to call the speaking clock and my family at midnight. This is in the end what got him kicked out of university in the first semester of his first year. Last I heard, he was rounding up shopping trolleys for a living.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Fri 10 Nov 2006, 18:20, Reply)

Reading Festival
Some posh inner-city kid types were camping next to us and pissing off everyone in the vicinity. They were the kind of kids who were like "Marco! Pass me that cannabis cigarette! I want to experiment while I'm away from Daddy!".
One evening, one of them absent-midedly tossed an empty beer can into our tent circle.
So one of us tossed a full, but open can of beans at them.
This escalated into a full scale food-fight which resulted in the "Fire-inspector" coming down from his watch tower to calm us down.
THEN WE ALL THREW FOOD AT HIM TOO!
Hahahaha - Festivals. They're great.
The thing that really clinched the "going too far" bit is that later that night, when one of their tents was left empty and open, a mate of mine snuck in there and shat on one of their sleeping bags.
For the rest of the week they biccered about who it was, not once suspecting it was us.
(Dooley, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 18:16, Reply)

When rivalry goes way too far, or How To Make Liberace Look Butch
During sixth form, Stalker Boy got it into his head that he should "pretend to be gay" so that he would be able to encourage girls to adopt him as their gay best friend and not his friend/enemy/fwap-object, Tris. This was because he got insanely jealous every time Tris made friends with a female of any kind (Will & Grace has got a hell of a lot to answer for) and felt that the girls were "stealing" his friend.

Therefore, by his reckoning, all he had to do to appear to have the gay was to drop 2 stone (which he never did - he would go to the gym and then eat a fry-up for dinner), gel his hair up into a quiff and shop in Next. Oh, and acquire a boyfriend.

It was for this reason that I ended up wandering around my local Asda till closing time, trying to help him suss out whether the guy behind the till on the George counter was a) gay and b) fancied him. This involved having to leave him a note in my handwriting with his phone number on it behind the till.

Not only this, but when the guy decided he was straight (and demonstrated this by kissing someone we both knew) and did not reply to the text, I ended up being the one to send him texts from my dad's phone pretending to be from "Michael" and having to allow Stalker Boy to tell me I looked "divine!" in the most over-the-top fake gay way I have ever heard in my life.

Some time later, people started to believe that he was gay, and, sadly, it didn't have the desired effect after all. Shame. I just find it hard to believe that someone would go to so much effort to fuck someone else's life up, but then this is Stalker Boy we're talking about.
( Maladicta, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 18:04, Reply)

Ketchup
I used to live with a right little scumbag at uni, for anonimity's sake we will call him Y.

There were four of us in our house and Y would consistently steal from us and lie about it, spread rumors about us to girls we liked, fail to pay rent, whilst still going out every night clubbing etc...

My flatmate X started extracting revenge on Y by spitting in his ketchup.

Then he pissed in it.

He decided a bit of his own blood would go nicely.

Later, put a little nugget of turd in there.

This led on to a handful of fresh jizz.

He followed by 3 months worth of crushed up contraceptive pill.

I think he went too far somewhere. Can't make my mind up where.

(the punchline is that Y once offered X some ketchup, and X said "No thanks, I dont like that brand, too salty")
( TheAlmightyBeev, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 18:03, Reply)

The Ballad of Davey Broon
I was at a music festival in Scotland called T in the park. After many beers and smokes on the Friday night we rose on the Saturday morning rather bleary eyed and got straight back into it.
Sitting there in my mate's big tent, a few of the boys let off one or two large farts (or "pumps", as my mum used to call them). Well I felt confident in my colon to produce a louder and more comical noise than them so squeezed out a beauty which was gratefully received by all. That is except my boxers. I shat myself terribly. However, I managed not to cry and skulked off to my tent to change and get washed with the baby wipes. I then disposed of the soiled garment in the rubbish pile of a nearby gathering of tents. I didn't tell anyone about it until I confided in a friend at the gathering the next year. Seconds later I was named Davey Broon, and 8 years later, I still am. Shite.
( drbroon abloooobloobloo, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 18:01, Reply)

one lad in halls at uni
he was an asian lad built like a brick shithouse and like most asians alcohol affected him far more than most due to the fact they haven't been drinking it in the quantities we have for generations so haven't built up a tolerance so things were bound to get messy.

Several times he managed to set the fire alarm off from drunken cooking (nothing major I know as I managed to do it in the first week there) but one of the times he couldn't find his frying pan so was cooking chicken straight on the hob.......
(just to set the scene of what may happen)

2 major times he went over the top that i can remember

1. for some reason flat 2 (next to ours) didn't get on with our flat all that well cos of noise issues and the many fire alarms we caused, etc etc, so one night this lad decides that he's had enough of them and goes up to write on their front door "You C*NTS" or something similar (i forget what) whilst they are out clubbing. now this may not sound all that bad but considering that his ink of choice was his own faeces it really really really was. On the way back into our flat however he then managed to fall over in our corridor spilling the pint glass he had used as an ink pot onto the floor meaning that it didn't only smell outside our front door but also all throughout our section of halls. Way over the line there (you could tell from the way flat 2 rang our doorbell when they got home - there was vengeance in that pressing)

2. The Final straw - One night, drunken antics after a night out as per usual but someone has managed to turn the hob on and a pizza box left on top of it which starts to smoke and sets the fire alarm off (culprit still unknown but guess who I blame). so the whole block of flats marches outside. following a fight between some of my flatmates and some other people who they had 'bumped into' previously in the night we finally were allowed back into the flat after ascertaining that no-one knew who had turned the hobs on etc (this was also during a fire fighter strike so we're lucky the army fire fighters didn't turn up instead). Once everyone got back inside me and 3 of my other flatmates were standing outside talking to the security with another one on the phone in his room and the Asian lad unaccounted for. Then the fire alarm goes off again. and once that was sorted it went off one more time by which time it was about 4am and no-one evacuated the building. Then whilst we were all trying to sleep at last our fire detector was changed which stopped all the alarms

Later when called into the halls office to discuss the night we were shown the fire detector and it appears that someone had tried to set fire to it with an aerosol can and a lighter. This appeared to be the cause for the 2nd alarm and subsequent alarms were because it was bust. Since everyone else from the flat was accounted for it couldn't have been anyone else but the asian lad but he never admitted it.


Eventually we got him kicked out of our flat and things returned to relative normality (for first year students anyway)


I think there were far more incidents I can't remember about (including him hitting a girl and then a bouncer in a night club getting himself banned) but he definitely went too far too many times.
(The Director of Directing, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 17:57, Reply)

A mate and I visited Auschwitz on our Eastern Europe student exchange.
It was March, and perishing cold. The place is completely soul-destroying and dreary, exactly as you see it on TV and the movies. We soon felt strangely crushed and sobered ('sober' being unusual in itself for that trip.)

However, you can't keep it up forever. We eventually got the giggles, and I somehow found myself standing on the demolished roof of a gas chamber, miming the dropping-in of a poison gas pellet, saying ''Ave it, Jews!' while my callous friend doubled up with scandalised laughter.

I'm glad the Mossad-looking 'escorts' with the Israeli youth groups who were visiting didn't overhear. Too far by half.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 17:35, Reply)

Me and a few mates of mine went too far...
When I were a nipper (well ok, in my early teens), this kid had been mouthing off to us, for no real apparent reason. Right mouthy little fuck that he was. He used to hang around with us, but he'd always end up dropping all of us in the shit with the neighbours and the Police, giving us all a bad name.
The last time he did it we'll all gotten involved with the Police due to him (he'd vandalised a local primary school), and we were all pissed off and promptly ousted him from our fold.
About a week later....one faithful evening, we are sitting down on our tods minding our own business. Lee's house was ahead of us, but we weren't really doing anything as such to provoke his, or anyone else's attention. Lee comes out of the house and starts hurling abuse at us all, for pretty much no reason at all. I get a bit fucked off at this, so I start walking up to him getting ready to lamp the little cunt. I get halfway and notice that one of my mates is standing right next to a wall just to Lee's right waiting for him to step forward. He's looking at me going "Shhh" with his finger. Lee takes one step toward me, and is quickly uppercutted six steps back by me mate from behind this wall.
It turns out that all of Lee's family had been watching this through thier windows, and they pour out on the street (parents included), attacking anyone in sight. There were about 20 early-teens versus 4 teens and a few adults as anything goes, filling the entire road with the Welsh Royal Rumble. A key moment and turning point in our Campaign was when one kid called "Blaena" beat up the mum with half a bush, which screaming "Leave my friends alone!!!!". It was fucking bedlam.
About 10 minutes, 4 Police cars and a Riot Van later, there are kids running everywhere (me included). 10 of us were holed up in my friend's living room, and the Police turned up to find 14 people in a living room watching Coronation Street :D
Those were the days...
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 17:34, Reply)

Diverting Behaviour
There was a young lad in our halls at uni that was every bit the shy, socially-inept engineering stereotype and being from the sticks most things seemed to frighten him, including booze, women, bright-lights, horseless carriages etc.

Being charitable types, my friends and I decided to take him under our wing. I'm not saying that we were the naughtiest students, but we knew how to have a good time, and this involved the occasional drunken prank or two.
Initially, however, he was not a promising student - the first time we took him out for a drink, he'd fallen over and broken his collarbone by 8pm. He improved swiftly though, and it wasn't long before he'd dismantled his first pub bench and reassembled it in my room. Perhaps setting fire to it was going to far but, no, he was destined for bigger and better things.

It was the third year and our little lad had flown the nest and had his own social network, of which he was King Nerd (there are some things we couldn't change). At the time there were major road works going on on the dual-carriageway that passed by our glorious alma mater (That's university for any one that went to a tech). One morning there seemed to be a hell of a lot more traffic around campus than usual. It seems that our enterprising young student had spent the whole evening carefully moving the traffic cones for about a mile stretch of the dual-carriageway forcing the entire London to Brighton traffic through University grounds! For those commuters it was definitely going to far. (sorry)
(Mr Broadtrousers, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 17:33, Reply)

The first, and only, time I ever went 'trick or treating'.
Me and a couple of my little friends were wandering the local streets knocking on doors and asking for sweeties (or cash). Virtually no-one else was out doing it in those days and we didn't really have any 'tricks' lined up as we were good kids all in all. Most of the responses we got were variations on 'go away or I'll get the police. You'll only spend it on booze if we give you money.' We were getting a little disheartened when we bumped into a mate of ours who was out wandering with a well known nutcase from his school. "Can we come with you" they asked and foolishly we agreed. The first house we went to as a collective turned out to be, as I say, the last time I ever did it. When the bad-tempered old bag told us to go away, away we started to go. "What about a trick" asked the famous miscreant. "We don't know any". Without a further word he removed one of the iron gates from the front of the drive (I didn't even know they came off), took a run-up across the lawn and hurled it through the front window. I was rooted to the ground in a mixture of fear and adulation but didn't hang around to weather the consequences. I still laugh about it to this day whenever I'm reminded of it. Like right now! LOL!
( routine has perfected burgers, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 17:28, Reply)

chthonic deleting my earlier post (the first for this QOTW and my first ever)
now that was going too far


Mod Edit: Bollocks it was. It was a "First post" post with no story. Those get deleted after you've had time to put a story in instead. You didn't: you posted a new story. So we deleted the old post.
(Handel blah blah blah, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 17:26, Reply)

Too Far
So many other people lived with twunts at Uni! Wish I´d known when I was in my first year at uni and thought it was just me who had to share a flat with Dave. The guy didn´t like sharing a fridge so got his parents to bring him one up from home. Didn´t like the matress on his bed so got his parents to bring him one up from home. Thought "nigger" was the funniest word in the English Language. Didn´t wash his clothes, just sprayed Fabreeze on them and ironed them again. Bought paper plates and cups so he wouldn´t have to wash up. Covered all four walls of our shared kitchen in porn/cut-outs from FHM yet put up "arty" posters in his bedroom so girls would think he was sensitive if he ever got any back to his room. Bought a laminated poster of Jordan for the shower. Told everybody frequently that he was "going for a knob wash". Watched animal porn in the kitchen/living room with his friends. Came home pissed once and smashed all my plates (did I mention that for some reason we didn´t get on?) That guy pushed me too far. Wish I could say I exacted some terrible revenge but I just moved out. Twunt.
(ComplexStuff Was confused by life on, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 17:20, Reply)

A collection
Munted at a party - Door bell goes, I answer, Asian chap there "Hi Is Mike Here"
"Hangon...MIKE?, DID YOU ORDER A CURRY?"..he was a friend of Mikes...Not Nick Griffin standards you understand , but just too far.

Fed Housemates Hamster chow-mein and killed it...what was too far was the fact that my other housemate danced on its grave singing motorhead songs....just as we finished burying it.

Rendered Friend unconcious with Choke Hold...for throwing a glove at my younger brother...i was cunty.

Fell out with Liz over stupid rumours (teenagers eh?) beat her at cards and got to torture her (in the card sense)...smashed her hand...she was a concert pianist...Sorry...

Mubnted with friends - they placed a clothes horse around me and told me it was a prison...they left me sobbing in the lounge.

In a club, friend tried to give me wedgie...and tore my Shorts off my body...then called me boring.

At Donington, with my brother, enjoying the flying bottle battles as you do, my brother had half an apple, which he lobbed and hit a Security Guard on the top of his shiny bald head...Too far.
(Rockster77, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 17:18, Reply)

Stop, too far!
Twas a lovely chrismas(ish) day and our uni household had decided to cook a christmas dinner complete with a big chicken.

After a very nice meal we started on the shots of vodka. And then sambuca. Then the tequila. About midway through this session my friend and I decided it would be a good idea if we were to dress up like ladies. Luckily a female house mate lent us her wardrobe and make-up so we really looked the part, much to the amusment of the other 4 housemates.

After further drinking it got too hot so we took all the lady clothes off and were left strutting about in boxers.

The party was wanning but I spied the chicken carcass! Surely it would be funny to pick bits off and throw them at the house mates? This esclated to the point where the chicken had been rubbed in to the faces of every housemate at least once and bits were dropping off the ceiling and walls.

I knew it had gone too far when I found myself straddling my lipstick wearing friend and rubbing the congealed chicken jelly left on the plate on to his naked chest.

Everyone locked themselves in their rooms at this point and couldn't meet either mine or my friends eyes the following day.
(cakemaster, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 17:02, Reply)

MSN loser
While at Uni I got with a lass while she was 'on a break' from her long term boyfriend from home. She started to chat to me on MSN Messenger a few weeks after and It soon became apparent that it wasn't her but her now back with boyfriend.

He tried to wind me up a bit until he asked me who I actually was. I told him I was bloke who stuffed his misses when he wasn't around....and then listed all the other people she had been with in his absence.

I don't think they are together any more
( Devon Dan without geometry, there would be no point, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 17:00, Reply)

Hand injury
Another Northumbrian tale. As it was about 30 years ago the details aren't very clear.

Folks took us to a local out of doors antiques fair. My little brother and I found a big stone knife sharpener. Think a giant millstone held horizontally in a metal and wood framework, with a handle so a little boy could spin it really fast.

I don't remember how it happened, but as I span the stone at high speed, my little brother's hand got stuck between the stone and the metal frame.

Most of the skin on his forearm and hand got scraped off.

Probably was a bit excessive.
(woodchopper likes chopping wood, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 16:57, Reply)

I stood on a beggar
It was at a wedding in Poland. There, they throw coins instead of confetti and you often get a group of scruffy looking beggar children hanging around to collect the coins so they can run off to buy some glue.

As soon as the coins went up in the air, they rushed in, knocking the bride and groom out of the way to grasp the coins with grubby little fingers. I thought this was a little offensive and decided to act.

There was one maloderous urchin scrabbling round my feet so I lifted up my sole for him to get the large coin from there. Then, as he delved under, I crushed his pre-teen fingers with my solid leather heel.

He whined a bit and I kept my heel down until he whimpered. Then I kicked him over with my knee so he rolled on the floor. He looked at me with vicious young eyes, the insolent cur.

Had I gone too far?
(frankspencer, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 16:56, Reply)

Basic Instinct
I was sat in pub with an old friend called Stacey (a bloke by the way) several years ago - We had had an afternoon toking but decided to venture out for a couple of beers before I made the long walk home.

It was a quiet weeknight and we were sat in the main part of the pub, surrounded by couples and old blokes, all supping their pints of bitter and mild to some shitty jukebox in their conservative northern idiom.

Stacey kept looking at his watch whilst we were supping and looking very anxious to get out of Dodge so I asked him what the matter was,

"BASIC INSTINCT IS ON IN HALF AN HOUR - I CAN GET AT LEAST 4 WANKS IN BEFORE THE NEWS!" - was his extremely loud and resounding response.

I spat my beer out choking in suprised and embarassed laughter as the locals all turned and looked - Stacey continued

"WHAT? HAVE I EMBARASSED YOU?" - He stood up, pointed at me and bellowed,

"THIS MAN'S BEEN IN ME!" -

I spluttered, choked on my beer with embarassed laughter but managed to squark out -

"THAT'S NOT TRUE!"

He leant over the table and said quietly - "I know that, but these other cunt's don't" and with that grabbed his coat from the back of the chair and walked to the door, then turned round - pouted at me and hollered over the pub

"YOU'RE A SHIT FUCK ANYWAY - GO BACK TO YOUR MOTHER"

And he left - and I sat there nursing what was left of my pint surrounded by a pub full of people looking at me - wondering..... as I sat there wondering how do I get out of that with some composure, trying desperately to finish my pint and crawl up my own arse
(Catchag "You know!....For Kids!", Fri 10 Nov 2006, 16:56, Reply)

Get that fucking thing out of my living room!
About a year ago, after a typical student night of smoking a giant 6 man Hookah and generally getting pretty mashed we decided a walk was in order. 3 hours later we spot a giant diversion sign located on a nearby road. Being nearly 15 foot tall and about the same wide, it took several people to carry it home. It's one of the biggest tropheys I've seen in a while.

We took it too far the next day by going back and nicking the stand. The workmen were less than 15 meters away looking for the sign in a bush.
( Spam Filter Formerly known as Superdude, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 16:56, Reply)

Revenge is sweet
Being greek there are really only 2 job options, hairdresser or chip shop work. I used to work in my dads chip shop with my 2 older brothers. When bored as you can imagine pranks ensued, one played on me was one of my brothers punching a small hole in my can of Pepsi which poured over me when I drank it runing my shirt. Boy did I think he had gone to far so I decided to take it to the next level. Being summer and really hot in the shop we were all drinking loads of fluids and this was also the time that Lucozade Sport crusher packs came out, I almost emptied one and then refilled it with washing up liquid then bided my time. Friday busiest night of the week and over 100 degrees behind the chip pans when my brother asks for a Lucozade which I obligingly get him and grin to myself as he downs the whole pack he then turned and ungodly shade of green while running for the toilet. He was ill for days and him and his missus still say I went to far. I have not eaten or drunk anything round their house since and that was 12 years ago, I certainly did not eat the birthday cake she made me the year after even though I told her it was lovely. Oh the fear of retribution.

POP! Cherry Gone
(CarlosTheJackal wants some tissues, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 16:54, Reply)

Head injury
About 25 years ago in rural Northumberland. The local scout troop had a fund raising morning at a very posh (or at least I thought so at the time) lady's house.

As the adult chat and coffee munching was getting boring, a group of about ten cubs went down to the river next to the house.

We started chucking stones into the river. But that soon degenerated into a group on each side hurling hugh rocks at each other - the aim being to hit the water just in front of the other lot and splash them.

Ineitably someone threw a bit hard and one rock split my brother's head open. We then carried him into the house where he bled all over the shag pile carpets and all over the immaculate bathroom (pink shag pile).

That was a bit much for a coffee morning and raffle.
(woodchopper likes chopping wood, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 16:52, Reply)