raw tomatoes are the vegetable-cum-fruit of the dark lord himself
horrible little red squishy things, with pips. jesus, why do you people insist on putting them in salads?

the very though gives me the willies.
( new_matt, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 21:40, Reply)

Cucumber
Most pointless, vile tasting vegetable ever. When I want water, I'll drink a glass of the sodding stuff. If I want to eat it in a slimy green form I'll stick to pond scum - it'd probably taste better.
(lolwhites, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 21:38, Reply)

Also eggs
when ever someone tries to shove them down my throat i tell them it is an animal by-product, counts as dairy, and i will sue their ass for attempted murder.
(Philosophacles Now is my chance to be funny, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 21:35, Reply)

Dairy
Granted it will kill me.
(Philosophacles Now is my chance to be funny, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 21:34, Reply)

I'm American.
and I know how to say "really long" instead of "real long". For example.
(Corn Dog, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 21:28, Reply)

Snack a jacks.
Indistinguishable from packing foam.
( evil_andy Stick stick stick stick sticky sticky stick stick, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 21:22, Reply)

Peas.
fuck off peas.
(Slurpy The Frog, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 21:08, Reply)

rollmops
My dad made me try rollmops, its pickled herring wrapped in a pickle.
I'd have prefered it if he was a nonce
(b3rnie c, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 21:04, Reply)

Fishsoup (fishhead soup anyone?)
Fish soup (soupe de poissons)

Olives (I live in olive capital and the smell when you walk through the market place makes me retch (and gets me whacked for being embarrassing in public by anyone walking with me)

Courgettes and Aubergines: everytime i'm out at someones house we get the gratin d'aubergines (mince em, mix the juice with watery cream and foot smelly cheese and serve lukewarm)

Snails in garlic paste: yes it's true they do eat these at big occasions like xmas or new year. I've tried it and it's like big garlic tasting slime covered dried out bogeys. NEVER AGAIN.

Oysters: I mean come on dudes, swollowing undead (they are alive) salty mucus and enjoying it = you need a visit to your shrink or sexologist.
(Saffy, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 21:00, Reply)

Another vote for celery...
I love decent coleslaw & salads etc. (with criminal amounts of real mayonnaise), but I hate picking foul bits of celery out of them.

Sprouts; I'm partial to most veg. if they are cooked properly (i.e. al dente + small amount of salt), but sprouts are vile.

Liver, kidneys, and any other non-muscle bits of animals that are laced with piss & shit.

Anything not butter, like I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Because I'm Either Fucking Stupid Or Haven't Tasted Butter Since I Was Five. Small amounts of butter won't kill you, so eat less of it and keep margarine for the few recipes where butter won't work (e.g. cakes).
( custard, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 20:59, Reply)

tdub:
I'm american also (seriously) aaaaand:
* There is such a thing as unfresh salad. Ever eaten at a bad salad bar? And everything's all wilted and brown?
* Baked beans are gross. 'course, I don't even like chili or macaroni salad so I'm probably a terrorist. And may the lord help people who eat beenie weenies.
(fantastic german, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 20:58, Reply)

pork rinds
i thought they'd taste like, you know, bacon or something. They don't. They taste like packing foam dipped in crap.

I don't like anything manufactured fatfree. Not even skim milk. I've always been underweight so I didn't grow up with it, I'm not used to eating it.

I also can't eat hot dogs unless they're hebrew national. This is actually more of a mental block that's too long to explain.

Spoilt milk. I thought that was an obvious one but true story: Last year our dorm had a really bad refrigerator. You pretty much had to buy your milk in pints because anything larger would spoil before you got a chance to drink it. My roommate always bought hers separate from mine because she liked it skim. And she'd drink it after it had been in that lukewarm refrigerator for *weeks*, long after the expiration date had passed, with chunks and everything. She seriously could not tell the difference between good milk and spoilt milk.

It was the same thing with cheese.

Other than that, she's perfectly normal.
(fantastic german, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 20:47, Reply)

Worst Food
Pineapple. Not quite a pine not quite an apple.

Not only does it taste disgusting but it pricks you with all those spikes.

Also it tries to cross over into savoury food through the mediums of pizza, salad and gammon but a fruit has no place at the dinner table. Okay, so tomato and cucumber have done it but good luck to them - they've done it well.
(Chom, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 20:42, Reply)

ok, I'm American
and ignorant, apparently. What the hell are these things? Half of them I've never heard of. Fresh salad--is there stale salad? Donner, goblin meat pudding and canned pasta? You can't can pasta, it gets all mushy. Speaking of mushy, what are mushy peas? Is jellied eel really long squiggly fish in jelly? Who would eat that?

What flavour is black pudding? And Please don't tell me marrow is bone marrow. That's worse than liver and kidney. English baked beans must be different from ours--baked beans are tasty and savoury! And I've always wanted to know what salad cream is. Is it mayo?

Ok, on to nasty food. My dad's idea of spaghetti: A pound of overboiled pasta, dump in a can of stewed pulped tomatoes, a bottle of ketchup and a pound of cooked loose hamburger. I sat for hours one time with him determined to make me finish my platefull.

My mother's signature dish: hamburg and beans. Browned loose hamburger, can of kidney beans and another full bottle of ketchup. Served over mashed potatoes. My gorge is rising. (Ketchup is very important to American cooking.)

Cottage cheese. I like cheese, but this is just too close to spoiled milk.

Sandwich spread. Apparently it's ground up boloney with pickles and mayo and dogshit.

Margarine.

Cooked raisins. Like sweet snot.

I'm making myself sick so I'll quit now.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 20:39, Reply)

Swede...
...it's like the scene in The Fly where Brundle transports a steak through the telepod and gets Geena Davis character to 'test it'

Swede is what you get when you put a carrot through the same process. :(
( COCKLES, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 20:21, Reply)

School Puddings
fuck me forgot about this whole new food group, if you can call it that.

Semolina - watered down insides of smashed up stag beetle. You gotta smash a stag beetle, not those buzzy maybug things, the black-evil-looking-flying-death-bombers-with-big-claws and teeth that fly like bricks don’t. Then pour on a bit of water and stir the white stuff around. That for me is semolina.

Rice Pudding. Smashed, watered down, stag beetle with the bits stirred back in with a stick. And that menstrual dribble of sauce they pour on....oh god no.

Spotted dick - bathroom sponge with smashed up stag beetle bits.

Butterscotch tart - christ what are they thinking. Gritty fucking mud covering slightly damp cardboard.

Anything with a liquid that could form a scum...or what they called *skin*. Thats not fucking skin, its coloured pond scum.

All the variations of crumble..rhubarb , apricot , last weeks left over desert crumble, mystery crumble.
(lastingdamage, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 20:12, Reply)

That jelly shit...
in which they pack SPAM. The texture makes me wretch. Kind of like holding a huge lunger on your tounge whilst eating a ham sandwich.
(Right-Sequitur follows along rightly, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 20:07, Reply)

Yullo
I once heard on the telly that people who eat pork pie jelly are also partial to the taste of the skin on a good old rice pudding?

Back in the day of GCSE's I rememeber many a day returning home from food technology with the shits. Bloody unqaulified teachers.
(panicking_apathy_love_mutilation_for_a_few_weeks_the_fish_were_plentiful, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 20:04, Reply)

least fav sweet
You know those selection boxes of chocolates?

Right, throw away the instructions, then play Russian chocolate roulette ..nasty game someone always get hurt. During one game I discovered the evil horror of crystallised ginger covered in dark chocolate.

Not wishing to be pedantic, but ITS FUCKING GINGER AND SHOULD BE IN CURRIES, NOT FUCKING CHOCOLATES!

nuf said.
(lastingdamage, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 19:54, Reply)

where's my list
As an unsuspecting child I was fed brawn. For those who've never met this stuff, its the brain of a sheep, boiled for a life time and smelling of ...... Have to leave that one there. Oh yeah, nowdays of course we have CJD, and the sheep version of BSE is called Scrapie or something . Oh well I will just have to wait and see which gets me first, the heart attack from the health scare or my slow painful brain filling with holes type of death while dribbling like an imbecile . . cheers mum n dad.

Next on the childhood horrors list.. ready for it ? ...tripe, again boiled to death with potatoes. I remember vividly the moment I stepped through the front door of the house and the smell of boiled pigs guts assailed me, followed instantly by the burning sensation of bile as it forced its way up from my stomach and through my nostrils thankfully clearing the smell, although I would have happily turned around and left the room given the chance. . Ugh, instant vomit.

Thinking about it, my mum had a major pig thing going on at one point, Christ, I’ve seen pigs trotters being singed over the gas hob to burn the hair off prior to again being boiled to mrs beatons age old recipe; an hour of boiling for every year of life or something. Just the look of trotters in butchers or Chinese supermarkets gets me glancing around for something to unload into.

I also recall opening the pot one day tempted by an interesting bacon smell . After the vast bacon clouds of steam had cleared I was confronted by an entire pigs head bobbing about in the boiling water, complete with partially detached floating eye ball. Strangely that one didn’t make me upchuck. I fished the eye ball out wrapped it in my hanky and took it took school next day. Got confiscated in the first lesson (barely lasted an hour it was that much fun) teacher stuck it in her draw without looking at it and forgot about it. Until about three days later when it really started minging.
(lastingdamage, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 19:46, Reply)

Hands down
It's head cheese. It's enough to make me vomit on sight. Generally in the direction of the head cheese, which is generally sitting somewhere in the direction of the butcher's display. Butchers don't like me very much.
(Ecclesia, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 19:46, Reply)

Now I like fish and I like pie
but fish pie? Which evil incarnate created such a hideous monstrosity, lumps of scanky fish, those brown chunks that you can't quite tell what it is and a foul,phlegmmy sauce.

Then if this wasn't enough, it's all topped off with some insipid lumpy pissmash. Admirals Pie? Well the admiral can take the fucker back and stick it right up his fat stinking rectum.
*Vomits*
( Scary Mary The D'oh Fairy, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 19:21, Reply)

Cheese
makes me retch in a very literal sense. I just hate the taste of milk that is not slightly off, but completely, climbing the wall rotten. Which is what cheese is.
And it also comes from a cow's tits.
Mind you I do eat things from hen's vaginas.
(Xybex, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 19:19, Reply)

Fish
I had such a bad reaction to fish once, I ended up having to go and see a Sturgeon
(And I don't agree with that in the workplace, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 19:16, Reply)

Veal.
I had the misfortune to eat it once or twice as a child, eventually convinced myself I was eating another human child.
(three hams, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 19:15, Reply)

Tofu
i mean honestly, why does anyone bother with the stuff - no matter what you do to it, it never tastes of anything, and it has the worst texture ever

the damn stuff makes me want to puke just thinking about it, let alone eating the stuff

to be honest i'd rather eat my own sick than tofu, unless of course it's tofu induced puke (i guess that would be the worst thing ever)
( status: jones, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 19:13, Reply)

My Fathers Fucking Cooking
Dispise it. Doesnt matter what he cooks, he allways uses a slow cooker (circa 1972) which renders any meat about as suculent a German's leather Shorts and any vegitables as soggy as an old man's pajama bottoms.

Just the look of some generic lumpy (usualy gray) fluid come pouring out of the brown ceramic bowl thing makes me feel ill. i usually leave the house and buy some chips from the takeaway down the road.

Needless to say, i usually cook for myself.
(ClockworkDespot, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 19:11, Reply)

Second Top Tip
My Second Top Tip of the day - make Top Tips the next 'QOTW'!
(And I don't agree with that in the workplace, Mon 12 Jul 2004, 19:09, Reply)