Ive Been Hit By a Golf Club
After reading Beastie's story i felt i had to write my story thats from the side of the hit person,

When i was hit by a 7 iron by my younger brother it didnt hurt, the sound of the thud when i was hit shocked me, the view of green grass in one eye and the view of everything red in the other like 3-D glasses was very strange as just above my left eye on the brow was spewing blood all down my face,

Long walk home back to grannys through the village was met by lots of shocked faces, what was the horrific thing i saw i hear you ask . . .

Well it was when my dad was wiping the wound clean and something grey came out when he was cleaning it (thought my brain was escaping because i was 10 at the time)

But the thing to top it off was when i saw the needle n thread moving across my vision while my eyebrow was being stiched up without anaesthetic because the local doc didnt have any in his surgery, my gran bless her, knew the local doc and didnt want me going to the local hospital incase anyone got in to trouble, so me being the little soldier i was i took the pain, im fecking 'ard i am!

(i fear needles and have been close to fainting when ever im jabbed by one now)
(Old Fella Doe a Dear a Female Dear . . . ., Sat 23 Jun 2007, 16:54, Reply)

Hair!!!
I have a slight phobia of hair. Especially wet hair. It's fine when it's attached to someone but when it's loose it freaks me the hell out.

About a month ago my flatmate had been cleaning the bathroom and shouted down to me that I had to "come and see this". I wasn't too sure what to expect but when she pointed into the shower I looked down to see a greasy, tangled, wet mass of hair and gunge about the size of my fist sitting in a pile a putrid water next to the plughole. It looked like something had tried to crawl up the pipe and had just died an inch short of freedom. Cue me nearly vomming and running away like a little girl. Turns out my other flatmate's stupid girlfriend doesn't clean her hair out of the drain and thus gives birth to these disgusting aquatic tribbles.

This probably doesn't horrify anyone else but I shuddered twice while typing it.
( Raindance Work is inversely proportional to post-count, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 16:39, Reply)

Similar to the cat one below..
I was out running the other night and heard screeching brakes, I turned in time to see a baby bunny get KO'd not 5 yards away. That wouldn't be so bad but it started fitting and trying to run away despite the fact it was on its side with half a head - it even made a pattern in the road in a perfect circle. I could have cried.
(Poptart epic lurkage ended at, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 16:23, Reply)

At least I was being paid for this...
So there I am. I'm a computer engineer, so a job not normally noted for dishing out lumps of horribleness. Until one day. I get sent on a project to implement home working. Not a problem, bit of Citrix, how hard can it be?

I get the basics done, it's a stroll in the park. People are great, hotel's OK, me, I'm sorted.

Then I put the application on. It's some kind of photo viewer. Hey, still all good. However, I then need to view about 100 images, just to check that it's working, and categorise them, as that's what this application does.

I come back from an excellent lunch, and settle myself in my chair. My equivalent of Spider Sense hands me a small message at this point. I distinctly remember thinking "How bad can this be?"

The answer is, as you might expect, "Bad. Really bad."

The images are from a medical charity's Tropical Medicine research department. I've survived the worst that the Internet could throw at me. But this...

Image 1 is "Elephantisis of the scrotum.". Someone's nutsack hanging around his knees. Nine images in, we hit "autoamputation of breast". And my lunch hits the porcelain. Somehow I kept it together long enough to make it to the disabled toilet.

For those not of a medical bent, I think "autoamputation" means something like "it fell off all by itself". For those who know, I'm sorry if I've got this wrong.

Got my revenge, tho' - I goatse'd the guy who gave me this assignment.

And I had 91 more images to do. It took the best part of two days. Luckily, it seems that my vom reflex had almost completely broken in the accident, and now I can look at almost anything quite calmly.
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 16:17, Reply)

Cat
Hmmmm, first one that springs to mind is coming back from town many years ago, night, headlights pick out a cat that had (presumably) been whacked by a car. It was still alive, leaping and spinning around. Obviuolsy distressed.
The worst bit is I didnt have the nerve to go and finish it off, I still feel guilty about that.
(kitescreech still here, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 16:11, Reply)

Rabbit Stew
My brother used to go out lamping at a very early hour in the morning, and he would usually come back with something be it a duck, pigeon or other.

One day however he came back with a rabbit, and starts to pick the shot out of its carcass.

That done he then guts it, and skins it, then puts it into a stew.
Cue his friend coming round to see what he had shot, and walks into the kitchen to find its heart lying on the worktop. So he picks it up and squeezes. Blood splatters all up the walls and all over the floor.

It took hours to clean it up.
(LiL_Arsewipe licked your face on, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 15:44, Reply)

Fratellis, Jobby.
After seeing the Fratellis play the Edinburgh Corn Exchange, I saw my friend's dad taking a shit in the car park round the back of the building.

Not a pretty sight really.
(Zutroy started without you, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 15:29, Reply)

And now, this:
www.b3ta.com/questions/horriblesights/post83015/
( ClanSoul, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 15:17, Reply)

gruesome though it certainly is,

Woodside Industries' post (2 posts below) does give a good example of what people see in chubby women.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 15:04, Reply)

Nut Job Takes A Poo
My mother used to work in the kitchen of a local mental hospital and I went to meet her one day, I got off the bus outside the hospital and a sweet little old woman got off with me, now there's a big hill to walk up to to get to where my mum works so off I go, about a quarter of the way up I wonder how the sweet old womans getting on so turn round to have a look, only she's not really a sweet old woman she's a patient at the hospital who's been let out on day release and I turned round just in time to see her drop her pants, squat down and do a poo on the path, man I fuckin ran for my life up the rest of that hill.
(felgekarp, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 14:47, Reply)

Well I don't know about you
but this ranks pretty high on my list of gruesome sights (NSFW.)
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 14:46, Reply)

little boys legs
little boys legs aren't really as durable as one old lady seemed to think.

He was sat on the pavement with his legs in the road when said old lady walks out of her flat and proceeds to get into her car.

She has it in the wrong gear. She reverses. Snap!. Cue the screams and me peering out of the window to see a little boy with both his shins snapped in two and sticking out of his skin.

Length? about two inches shorter now.
(LiL_Arsewipe licked your face on, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 14:44, Reply)

AIDS
When I was a slightly younger lad I worked week nights in my local library. My job was to shelve all the returned books, was very boring but hey it gave me a bit of beer money.

One night I remember being in the medical section and deciding it would be a good idea to open up a medical textbook on AIDS. It was not a good idea! Cue pictures of people in the later stages of AIDS. Not nice!!!

Funilly enough, they never show that sort of stuff to schoolkids. They should, scared me off sex and drugs for life (well, for about two weeks) !
(Red Morning Light, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 14:42, Reply)

Glenda
Glenda McSwiggins is a long-faced idiot. Sometimes as I wander through town I come across her sitting on a bench stroking her long face. I try not to look but as I stare ahead, generally watching where I'm going, I find my head being turned against my will. "Don't look at her son, she's got a proper long face" the voice in my mind warns me.

It's no use though is it? there I am - staring at the giant pineapple with eyes. The way she gently trails her fingers down her bulbous fat forehead down onto her stupid pointy cheeks, before resting a quarter of a mile south on that enormous cunting chin.

vomit builds inside of my stomach/gut/belly/Subaru and I clamp my mouth shut, but it's too late. I've sprayed the fucker. Uh-oh, everyone locally knows that Glenda McSwiggins will sit all day calmly stroking the long-face and not acknowledging a soul, unless however you vomit on her. At which point she becomes aroused and the courtship is on. It's a bit like the bit in Pan's Labyrinth when that lanky bastard only wakes up if you nick his Hula Hoops.

So there I am, being held down by old Glenda as she forcefully removes my jeans and sticks her intrusive javelin of a chin up my arse.
"Thats where I get rid of poo" I plead with her
"please leave it alone?"

To no avail, she goes at me relentlessy until she collapses in a long-faced heap. I pull up my jeans and waddle off to find sanctuary.

Do NOT vomit on Glenda McSwiggins.
(Andrew Avetoom, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 14:09, Reply)

Murder
I was going to conjure up a nicely-written piece about what I witnessed; put it in context of the ongoing conflict in Northern Ireland, use lots of interesting big words to make you squirm while shielding the real horror, then round it off with a pithy joke about sex.

But I'm not going to do that.

I went to the local bonfire with my friends seven years ago, when I was only a young lad. I ate burnt burgers, drank small amounts of cheap champagne and sang songs. It was late and the fire was dying down when I saw two men leading another seemingly drunk man away from the circle of light and people.

I saw them throw him to the ground, repeatedly kick him in the head (a wet thumping sound) and ribs (a dull thwack), before producing a pistol and shooting him twice in the head. The gunshots were shockingly, crashingly loud - they sliced through the miasma of revelry. The two men walked away calmly. I ran.

I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened. Did I really see someone's life being snuffed out, just like that? I had nightmares about the killing for years afterward; it affected me quite deeply and was a significant contributor to my hatred of this backwater little shithole of a province.

I later spent a few months inside the daughter of the chap who, it turns out, ordered this 'execution'. I think my mistreatment of her was a reaction to what he had done. Sorry Rachael.

Seven years is quite long enough, I think.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/831717.stm
(SurferRosa causing the lamentation of the womenfolk since, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 14:07, Reply)

banjo string
i expect plenty of banjo string reposts.
(suboftheday, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 13:47, Reply)

My ex
Spotted my now ex-wife on a date with another man....
(wackers1, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 13:15, Reply)

Titanic - the movie
nuf said.
( RedWine President of the S.C.U.M., Sat 23 Jun 2007, 12:58, Reply)

Dual carriage way mayhem.
Told me a story (he was the guy who cleaned up accident scenes)...

A young bloke had jumped off the bridge over the dual carriage way and hti a truck before he even hit the ground. My mates uncle then spent several hours scraping skin off the road, collecting limbs and searching for an elusive testicle that had burst out of the guys sack.


Also, an old boss of mine was once a police officer. Told me a story. Him and a rookie had been called out to a crash on a dual carriage way and were first on the scene. Turns out it was an old man who had decided to drive the wrong way along the wrong lane. A truck had hit his car and totally peeled of the roof and subsequently the old blokes head. Whilst my boss was examining the scene, the rookie cop came running along the road carryin the blokes head and tried to 'fit' it back on to the corpse. Obviously the noob was in some sort of shock. My boss had to quickly grab the blokes' head and run back 60 yards down the road to its landing place... grim.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 12:45, Reply)

Dead squirrel
School days. We used to wag it in the cemetary down the road from the school. One day a few of us were eating snacks and smoking on the cemetary walls and just watching the world go by. Then we smelled this fucking awful smell... like sour shit! Turn sout one of the lads had sat on a decomposing squirrel. As he raised his fat arse, sticky strands peeled between his buttocks and the wall and the smell just hit us. Two of our group started dry heaving, whilst another lad decided to whack the squirrels skull away with a stick.

Happy days eh?
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 12:34, Reply)

cock caught in zip
never never as long as i live want to see blood coming out of my penis again.
(fwack bang on it, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 12:31, Reply)

I do not like this.
I worked in the Crown Court, so take your pick, really.
Apart from the photos of bloated, undiscovered bodies and axe murders, there was one picture of a baby which had been held against a radiator for a long, long time. Add to this the photograph of the 14 year-old girl who had been murdered by her older "boyfriend" and several child pornography images which I'm not even going to go in to, and you can probably imgaine why I decided to fuck it all off last year and head for the speed camera department. I might now be public enemy number one (at least with the Top Gear team), but at least I don't have to see some of the most grotesque, hideous things that humanity is capable of.
The irony? I still get paid the same pittance for looking at peoples' driving licences instead of their dead babies.
(Miss Hobart, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 12:29, Reply)

Anaphalaptic Shock
Stood outside my local MacDonalds as a 15ish year old.
Some other kids were there messing around, I was waiting for a mate (who never showed).
Suddenly, I realise the kids aren't laughing any more, but one of them is walking towards me.

Turns out she was allergic to peanuts, and had just kissed her boyfriend who had been eating a snickers. Whatever, the terrified look of someone trying to convey they can't breathe through the panic in their eyes isn't nice.

She died on scene, even with my somewhat poor attempt at a tracheotomy (my pen knife and a MacDonalds straw doesn't cut it when someone's trachea is actually slammed shut all the way down).


Man, this qotw is really fucking depressing ain't it? I mean, how can you get a funny answer from a horrific scene?
( Pointy Head poked another hole in my anorak on, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 12:20, Reply)

Standing next to someone who was shot in the head by a sniper with a high powered rifle.
I will never forget the sound. Not like you would expect. Fistly a loud thud as the bullet strikes the skull just above the eyes followed by a sort of splashing sound as the blood hits the deck the sound of the body collaspsing to the ground and then the report from the discharge of the gun which is more like a crack in the distance.
( Captn Hood-Butter is not dead yet., Sat 23 Jun 2007, 11:49, Reply)

Oh, and
the video of the Japanese girls with the baby eels.

I can never eat jellied eels again- you may've seen this video but:


Two cute little asian girls, kissing, touching, generally doing all the things that cute little asian girls should do with each other when naked.

Then one produces a funnel; the other puts her arse in the air and raises her legs, whilst the funnel is slowley inserted into her puckered bumhole.

Then a tank of elver are produced, they're squirming and writhing and all together rather gooey.

Japanese girl # 1 giggles hauntingly as she pours baby eels through the funnel into japanese girl # 2 stretched bumhole. Japanese girl # 2 is moaning like a cheap whore. One of the eels just won't go in, so girl # 1 pushes it into the other girl with a finger.

The funnel is removed, and girl # 1 puts her face right next to the other girls eel filled bumhole. Girl # 2 strains and does a massive eel/crap. The eels are litterally shooting out of her bum, covered in poo.

Girl # 1 catches some eels in her mouth, and as they squrim she starts chewing and eating them.

live. poo covered. eels.
( KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 11:35, Reply)

In order to get into medical school you have to do alot of voluntary work
A LOT of voluntary work.

One of the things my school arranged for me to do was to go to the hospital and view some operations- these include:

A femoral bypass (the woman had her intestines in a kidney dish by the side of her, and i could see her heart beating)

Removal of an osteoarthritic wrist (The sound of a saw cutting through bone is an interesting one, and flying shards of old man wrist are dangerous)

and finally, some kind of gastrointestinal surgery- The surgeon managed to nick the large intestine with his scalpel- as the room filled with the smell of poo he uttered the words...


"bugger."



Strangely enough, None of this freaked me out in the slightest, and I can't wait until I'm the one wielding the bone saw!

The other student did faint, however, when they showed her the intestines, which promptly gurgled at her.
( KernKraft Gosh, there isn't much noise outside today, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 11:10, Reply)

The morning after St Paddy's day...
walking past Trafalgar Square on my way to work, with the mother of all hangovers.

Pigeons eating bright pink sick.

Grim. I nearly toosed my own cookies.
(toomanydecibels has bleeding ears on, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 11:00, Reply)

The Nazis
used to make lampshades out of Jews' skin. And some of the kit in Mengele's lab would make anyone's stomach turn.
(rogerzilla, Sat 23 Jun 2007, 10:26, Reply)

Yuk
I saw my grandad's willy.
(Give me the cheese you cocksucker No board sig in protest., Sat 23 Jun 2007, 9:53, Reply)