It's a short one
One of my housemates doesn't believe in climate change, he says this but it's more so that he can make excuses for being incredibly lazy. He will drive from department to department around uni, a distance often less than 0.1 miles.

Walking through town the other night he comments about an electronics store "Wow, that's a lot of wasted energy".

Proof in point.
(g256, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 23:46, 1 reply)

A neighbour of mine always used to say,
"F-ing and fucking blinding."
( the_rhyme_minister has a little bit of gold and a pager, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 23:34, 2 replies)

Government and
or councils - they put CCTV covering supposedly every square inch of even our localist of local towns, yet fail to: 1) Ensure the quality is anything other than 1970's 15 times dubbed Marcus's German hardcore we hide in the treehouse.

2) Ever have it pointing or monitoring at any incident involving my wallet, my face and a fist or me, a bike and a car bonnet.

3) traffic cameras that can spot the registration details on a pigeons ring, cross reference that to a central database, and send out 3 point penalty notice and fine to the relevant coup.

Britain - hypocrites...
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 23:13, Reply)

yey !


146th !

and proud out I am too

j
(The Cats Twat, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 23:11, Reply)

Ethical South American Produce
Conversation with hippy house-mate way back when:-

"I'm just off to the shop to get some coffee"

"Don't get Nescafe man, get the 'Fare Trade' stuff. Nescafe exploit the workers man & destroy the environment!"

"Oh, yeah... Like the ethically produced cocaine you were hoovering up at that party last night?"

"Umm... OK, point taken..."
(Veni Vidi Lurki had attitude constipation on, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 23:04, Reply)

Ooh, that's an easy one.
Those dribbling, misogynist morons who claim to be pro-'life', then turn around and support the killing of millions through wars while voting against programs to help children and trying to take human rights away from women. So the 'sanctity of life' ends at birth or whenever they can't use it to treat a woman like a mobile incubator, it seems.

And then there's me, who prefers non-violence but would happily go after the aforementioned fuckers with a bat.
(louveciennes , Volvospotter, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 22:52, 2 replies)

Since we're doing vegetarians ...
Squeamish meat eaters ... people who get the grilled trout from the waiter and ask for it to be taken back to the kitchen for the head to be removed ... people who cry when Bambi's mum gets shot then go for a Happy Meal with the kids ... people who spew their ring over documentaries about factory farming then complain like buggering fuck when the price of mince goes over two quid a kilo or whatever ... the ones who are happy to buy vacuum-packed, cellophane-wrapped slabs of red stuff, but couldn't even twat a mackerel to death if it jumped out of the water looking like an ailing Emo in black and green listening to My Chemical Romance on its fishPod ... Tories who serve BSEburgers to their kids as a PR stunt and anyone who sticks something in their mouth without giving a flying fuck where it came from or how it got there then they turn round and say veggies are hypocrites? fuck the fuck off you fucking brainless cunts...
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 22:47, 11 replies)

Snivelling Health & Safety Tosser...
/unlurks

Below is an email dredged from my 'Sent items'

I had what could be described as 'the right arse' with an email I was forwarded. Thought I'd forward it to various former colleagues to see what they thought...

My edits are marked in (brackets)...

Email:-
**************************************

From: (Veni Vidi Lurki)
To: (Various former colleagues)
Subject: FW: Helpdesk Procedures?

Dear All,

I wonder if you can help answer the question posed below.

One of our over–worked stalwarts took time off from cracking-one-off over pictures of livestock to raise the following point regarding my modus operandi today

I would be interested in your professional opinion of the Risk Assessment discussed in this communication:-

******************************************************************************************

Subject: Helpdesk Procedures?
Importance: High

Hi(SNIP),

Not sure if you are the right person to ask this of? Please forward it to the appropriate manager if not.

This morning we had someone (who I think is called (Veni Vidi Lurki)?) come round to (SNIP) to look at her desktop PC. He recommended that it needed more memory and to tell her how much to buy he had to open the PC case.

As H&S adviser I am very concerned that he did not turn off the PC at the mains nor disconnect it before opening the case.


(Not enough to come running over shouting “NNNNNNNNooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!” though, or even mentioning it at the time… Which surely constitutes negligence???)


I assume that however carefully one opens the box, there is a risk of dropping the metal casing or touching it onto the electrical parts inside and if the chassis is live there is a real possibility of electric shock to him or his customer.

Please would you confirm whether there is a Risk Assessment in place for this operation, if not I consider and recommend that there should be, and that all your 'troubleshooters' should be aware of it.

rgds

(SNIP)
European (Important stuff) Manager
(MyCompany)
+44 (0) **** ** ****

******************************************************************************************

My Risk Assessment of opening the case & looking inside with the power on is in the same league as going to the zoo & looking at the caged lions without taking the precaution of getting the zookeeper to shoot them with tranquilliser darts beforehand

I am however interested in your views...

************************************

/email ends
/relurks
(Veni Vidi Lurki had attitude constipation on, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 22:15, 12 replies)

Probably been done but...
A former flatmate of mine, plus quite a few of my female colleagues in any job I've ever had, adopting the "I'm allowed to say whatever I like about MEN (which they can't even utter without screwing their noses up and spitting the word out as though it was an obscenity) but if you say anything remotely negative about me and my attitude, I will take it as an attack on all womankind (of course, I speak for all of them even though there's never been an election) and come down on you like a ton of bricks for being sexist" attitude.
(lolwhites, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 21:57, 5 replies)

I wish this story wasn't true......
Although this isn't EXACTLY hypocrisy, it does deserve a mention in this thread. The following story I read somewhere (I can't remember where) but I've been assured that it is 100% true.......unfortunately.

The story starts off in a bank's headquarters in London. Now, there was a gentleman who worked there, who for the sake of this story we'll call Bob. Now Bob was a quiet sort. He wasn't quiet in a sort of "The Yorkshire Ripper" kind of way, but quiet in the sense of "I want to do my work". Now Bob had a boss, who for the purpose of this story we'll call "Git" (For reasons which will become apparent later). Now, Git threw a project on Bob's desk, one day. Bob read the project and threw a bit of a wobbler.

"You what?! I can't do this in 3 weeks!"

"We've done a cost projection and time analyses and determined that it is feasible. So, get it done!" (Apparently, a bunch of managers and some accountants know progamming better than progammers!)

Bob sat down and flicked through the document.

Over the next 3 weeks, Bob became a fixture in the office. He was there first thing in the morning and the last to leave. Every moment he had was dedicated to this project. Now because Bob was spending so much at work and so little time at home, his hygene, kind of, took a second priority, if you know what I mean? This became apparent in the last week and a half. It just demonstrated his dedication to getting this project done.

Anyway, on the final day, Bob finished the project and handed it back to Git. Git's bosses were throughly impressed with Git.

Bob was asked "Why did you bust a blood vessel to do this project?" Bob replied "Because next week is my annual review! This should leave me in good stead for a raise, possibly a promotion!". Bob's logic was impeccable or, at least, it should of been.....

Next week comes around and Bob goes to his annual review with Git performing the ceremony. After about 15 minutes, Bob stormed out and wasn't seen for the rest of the day.

Everyone in the office was curious as to what happened. So a colleague phoned Bob to find out. What happened defied belief.

Bob went into the review expecting the majority of it to be taken up with his 3 week project. But it wasn't. Git spoke about the project being "acceptable", but a few people in the office complained that "Bob's hygene was unacceptable" so, for that, he gave him black mark on his review!

Bob resigned 3 days later...
(The Stig, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 21:53, 3 replies)

Saying how disgusting it is...
...that a 12 and 14 yr old can (supposedly) produce a sprog.
Then complaining about children losing their innocence too soon if you give them elementary sex education (including contraceptive advice) during their early school years.
(paof2 Nude might not be rude, but rude could be nude..., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 21:11, 7 replies)

Reading B3ta...
... whilst also buying the Daily Mail every day.
(paof2 Nude might not be rude, but rude could be nude..., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 21:08, 4 replies)

Jeremy Kyle
(*words fail me*)
( The Lone Groover has mal des nuts., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 20:57, 2 replies)

The national media
Made a fool of yourself on TV? Portrayed yourself as someone thicker than two short planks nailed together with extra thick nails? Taken part in racial bullying on a prime time show? We'll lambaste you in our editorials, harangue you on the front pages and poke fun at you in our letters column.

What's that? Suddenly announced you're dying of cancer (after ignoring abnormal cells on a smear test 18 months ago)? Come this way, we'll pepper the public with how brave you are, pay you mountains of money for "your story", and revere you as though you were the daughter of god himself. We'll make the general public sympathise with your plight, forgetting that three months ago we were organising a flaming mob outside your house.

Whatever your views on Jade Goody, the about face and hypocrisy of the media piss me right off.
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 20:39, 6 replies)

Hypocrites
In fact all footballers, football managers, football pundits football journalists etc etc.

Nuff said.
( The Lone Groover has mal des nuts., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 20:35, Reply)

Hypocrite
Harry Redknapp.

West Ham, Bournemouth, Portsmouth, Southampton, Tottenham to name but most.

A really good football manager, but does he ever listen to what he says?

(And this from a lifelong Spurs fan)
( The Lone Groover has mal des nuts., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 20:32, Reply)

"Jokes are better than technique"
Or is that more of a lie than hypocrisy?

*grumps at lack of technique*
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 20:22, Reply)

I was accused recently of
saying I loved someone and not meaning it.

It was over email, you understand, because we couldn't have her husband finding out, could we.....
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 20:14, Reply)

Thou shall not steal
Grandparents of my nieces and parents of my sister-in-law.

Round their house one day. "Where's your wife and her mother?" I say to my brother.

"Church" he replies.

I cast my eye over the kitchen and it casts upon and packet of fags (with the warning in Spanish) and a DVD (for the kids you understand) of a movie that’s just out in the cinema.

"Untaxed smuggled ciggies and a bit torrented movie. Nice work."
(Fluke feels bitter as well as thick, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 20:10, Reply)

He is a loving God but he'll fucking smite you if you step out of line.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 20:07, 1 reply)

me.
I used to be concieted, seriously!
but now i am absolutely perfect!
( skeltonator Needs some new daps., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 20:03, 2 replies)

Tom Robinson
Sang that he was Glad To Be Gay.

And protested, demonstrated, marched, ranted and generally insisted that Homosexuality should be an accepted, integrated facet of modern life.

Now he is'nt gay, and has never been gay, and that must have been a different Tom Robinson, Eurasia has never been at war with Eastasia etc..

Scuttling back into the closet is deeply undignified - regardless of the hypocrisy - even to an unreconstructed heterosexual like me who deeply admired his former stance and convictions.

Twat.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 19:55, 5 replies)

parents
upon my temporary (and i do mean temporary) moving back in the with the 'rents three months ago after flat sharing for two years with a couple of mates (with all the associated headiness that comes with it) my mum has become convinced that i have a booze problem, and constantly berates me every time i have a drink... all because i like the odd beer at home every now and then, and get rather pissed and stagger in at 4am on occasion. i accept that it is a parents job to worry and all that malarky, but this is all in spite of the fact that my dad has 2 or 3 cans of guinness and a couple of measures of old grouse (dad measures, that is) every night after work without fail. she bloody buys the stuff for him aswell!

and for the record i literally do mean every now and then, i'm not one of those who smashes through a 6-pack of lager every night and gets arrested for indecent exposure every weekend (that only happens once a month, tops).
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 19:17, Reply)

I'm probably a hypocrite
But then, I never claimed I wasn't.
(Cuthbert Annihilator, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 19:03, Reply)

Irony rather than hypocrisy
My mate Matt once opined

"The English language... well,.. I mean... fuck!"

How apposite!
(seedybee68 not involved in any rioting since 31 March 1990, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 19:02, Reply)

I'm not even going to fucking bother answering this one

(__, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 18:58, 3 replies)

Sure to raise some ire
After the smoking ban, the amount of people who would continue to bang on about what a great idea it was, good step towards a healthy lifestyle, can't stand smelling like an ashtray at the end of the night, etc..

EH? You're in a _pub_ for fucks sake. It's not a gym, and unless you're stopping by for a medicinal glass of claret every now and again, hardly likely to prolong your life expectancy.

FTR: I don't smoke (any more - since looooong before the ban) but I can't quite fathom how sitting in a boozer pouring pints of wife-beater down your neck is made any healthier by the absence of smoke. You're still filling up on (very tasty and enjoyable) toxins.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 18:56, 13 replies)

A company I worked for
was excessive about animal rights to the point of advising their minimum wage staff to wear coats and scarves in the shop and jump around to keep warm while they kept the door open all year round to let the smell entice people into the store.

They'd make a huge fuss about animal welfare and how all forms of animal testing was cruel, going so far as to say that it was wrong for medicinal reasons. Granted I'd never agree with it for cosmetics purposes, but animal testing has kept a lot of people I care about for a long time.

They donate money to animal right protester groups who have the sole intention of abusing others who are trying to do their jobs within animal research.

The final straw came for me when they said that animal shelters who put to sleep very aggressive animals or those who had been in cages for a long time with no hope of rehoming. I'd rather have them put to sleep than watch them slowly go insane through being in a cage 24 hours a day, or attack someone.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 18:50, 7 replies)

Hypocrite
In case I haven't said before here, I'm an Amish Mennonite from Ohio. Now my dear Old Grandfather fell off his cart ferrying some hay into town and had to have his hip replaced. Being Amish however, he doesn't believe in new technology, so had the replacement carved out of a very strong old oak instead of steel or plastic wrought with ungodly technology. After the operation however he was so shocked to find that he had been summoned to court for not paying his hostpital bills! The money worshipping fools at the hospital saw that he didn't have insurance, so instead of asking him to pay upfront (which he could and later did) they just sent the bailiffs round!

It was the biggest hip oak writ I had ever seen!

PS. Gramps is fine now lol!
(Papa Chocolat, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 18:48, 3 replies)

"I've told you a Million times..."
"Stop exaggerating" !
(TheRiddler Hmmmmm... I concur., Thu 19 Feb 2009, 18:41, 5 replies)