Victor Meldrew's missus
used to get me thinking.

I remember watching One Foot in the Grave years back and would imagine that what with Victor being a miserable old bastard, the action in the bedroom would very probably be non-existent.

She would have loved a good seeing-to so she would.

Absolutely would've loved it.
(Helmut McBucket invites you to pull his finger on, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 0:09, 1 reply)

I believe my friend has a crush on Carol "Skeletor" Vorderman...
...which may not be too iffy if you like that sort of thing. The worst part of it is catching said friend vigourously stroking his weasel to an episode of Countdown.

On second thought it may have been over Richard Whiteley.
(grendalsbane, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 23:43, 5 replies)

Miss Jones
Frances de la Tour definitely had something about her, to this day I still can't put my finger on it. I know she looks like a hungover drag queen, Tim Curryesque, but i would stil like to have have tag teamed her with Don Warrington, while Leonard Rossiter beasted himself in the corner.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 23:27, Reply)

Jo Frost
aka Supernanny.

I'd sit on her naughty step anytime
(Bitter and Twisted, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 23:27, Reply)

Nicola Bryant

Tell me you wouldn't like to have some vengance on her varos...
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 6 Oct 2011, 23:24, 7 replies)

Probably not that dodgy
Sara "Massive Norks" Beeny

and

Alice Bhandhukravi, I like to call her Alice Bhandapervy
(Nitrous Nitrous, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 23:14, Reply)

Dirt Girl World
I know its only a kids program, but it sounds like it should be on the adult channel. I bet she's filthy tho!
(Nitrous Nitrous, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 23:02, 4 replies)

Anne Aston from The Golden Shot (a game show from the last century)
Wholesome but filthy
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 22:58, 1 reply)

Oh god
is this page long enough?

Patsy Palmer (why!! Goddamnit I dont know. I just do)
Girls with iffy noses - Claire Goose, Kelly Macdonald. And the one from Hollyoaks who played a teacher but shagged Justin. Oooooh I'd have sex with her.
Toyah Battersbee/Georgia Taylor. I'll defend her to the hilt, shes my dream girl in every way.
Donna Air. Thick as pigshit. But soooo fit. Spent years 12-15 learning how to wank thinking of her.
Brian Molko off of Placebo. I'm pretty damn straight. I'd think about it, a lot, if it was on the table.
Amanda Knox. She must be GAGGING for cock after 4 years of jail fangita. She is after all, a sex lady. You'd have to hide yer cutlery though.
Juliette Lewis as Mallory Knox. Good lord thats a bit twisted, didnt know I had that in me.
The olson twins. I really, really would.
I have more. I shall think on it.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 22:58, 4 replies)

kai
the last of the brunnen g.
sexy as hell.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 22:51, 7 replies)

A most unusual crush
I realise my own earlier posts aren't apparently that niche, and for once, you lot have succeeded in making me feel normal. Well done, it doesn't happen often. Please keep it up!

So anyhoo, story time. My new housemates had just moved in, and we were all still in the stage of getting used to each other's habits, and so the kitchen was just about the cleanest it's been in the past four years.

I'd just left the kitchen, and was on my way upstairs when I heard what sounded like a hyena being strangled. That could only be my other housemate laughing. He doesn't get much practise, he's a moangy sod at the best of times. My interest piqued, I went back into the room to see one new housemate with a face like thunder, the other new housemate grinning like a rapist, and my existing housemate on the sofa, paralysed with laughter. Damnit, I missed the joke. Again.

I asked the grinning housemate to repeat what had been said, at least to try and get what was going on. I've always been a nosey (and loquacious) bugger. So she told me. They'd all been comparing who they fancied on TV. The grinning one fancied Johnny Depp. So far, so normal. The giggling one, I already knew. He's always carried a candle for Keira Knightley. Not my thing though, she's got less meat on her than a butcher's pencil.

My annoyed housemate's crush?

John Snow.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Thu 6 Oct 2011, 22:43, 1 reply)

Nicola Roberts and Jayma Mays.
With a big bowl of whipped cream.
(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Thu 6 Oct 2011, 22:40, 2 replies)

The Queen
Just so that I can say that I have
( Kingtoke was shit at life on, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 22:39, Reply)

sue perkins.
sobs, why are you a lezza???
WHY!
( skeltonator Needs some new daps., Thu 6 Oct 2011, 22:27, 6 replies)

Politicians
I want to do dirty dirty things to George Osborne, despite being a bleeding heart liberal.
(ToysForBigBoys would spread her legs for Nick Clegg., Thu 6 Oct 2011, 22:17, 4 replies)

James Murdoch
GAH. There I've said it. I feel so wrong about this but every time he crops up on telly I go to yellow alert. And yes I know he's pure evil and his father is purer eviler.
( thecrapgatsby isn't listening LALALALALALA, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 22:04, 4 replies)

Fernella the witch from
Chorlton and the wheeleys
if only for all the bobing up and down
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 21:49, 4 replies)

Hayley Cropper & Deborah Meadon
If Roy can do it so can I..
I'm not being out done by a trainspotter..
Deborah Meadon,seen her on something the other night not bad for her age,be handy so she can tell you whether you in or not
(badoosh, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 21:49, 1 reply)

Chel
from Road to Eldorado.
Oh boy!

(Rumbling Bear rumbled on, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 21:48, 1 reply)

Kim Possible.
I'm pretty sure I've moved on, now, but she's not on telly anymore, so I can't know for sure.

At least I have the decency to be thoroughly ashamed of myself, for this.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 21:44, 1 reply)

Ruth Archer,
as she's more than David deserves.

Then again, Lizzie must be getting lonely, since Nigel died, so I could step in there...
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 21:41, 1 reply)

Sally
James of tiswas fame
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 21:41, Reply)

Harriet Harman.............
.......and that is not a political statement. More because she likes a bit of porn, even though she blames her husband (I know that was Jacqui Smith, but I don't fancy her)

.........eh?
(Colonel Blink is now officially a pretentious prick, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 21:38, 2 replies)

For the Yiffers on here

( The Scrunt Wants a Dozen Pints, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 21:35, 15 replies)

anne heche from volcano
www.imdb.com/media/rm112310784/nm0000162
and i did it with out getting the keyboard sticky
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 21:32, 3 replies)

My
missus reckons I'm the dodgiest one she's ever had a crush for.

Fair enough, she's probably right.
( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 21:30, Reply)

A political threesome
Yvette Cooper on the left and Louise Mensch, she of the dirty novels, on the hard right.
(rogerzilla, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 21:30, 3 replies)

Judith Keppel
Her of Millionaire and Eggheads fame. There's just something about her that makes me wanna bang her, preferably with Chris Tarrant or Jeremy Vine asking her trivia questions throughout.
(FUXTIX Not my words, Carol, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 21:19, Reply)

Kathy Burke
I had this thing for her back when Gimme Gimme Gimme was on. I think I must have been suffering a mental illness at the time as thinking about it now makes me feel dirty and violated.
(grendalsbane, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 21:15, 3 replies)

Dr Alice Roberts. Throw that North Face fleece on the ground and let's do this thing.
(tyrefire2001 Is it a fast ship?, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 21:06, 7 replies)