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This is a question Iffy crushes

Who would you like to have sex with who isn't probably top of everyone's list and why?

(, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 14:54)
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This question is now closed.

After WWF bought WCW, Brian Adams' work simply wasn't the same as before.

(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 15:20, 3 replies)
Short cuts.
Here's a handy short cut to help you with the rest of this weeks answers. As there is minimal effort going in anyway, I may as well make it even easier.

(INSERT FIRST NAME) (INSERT SURNAME) : I would (insert word from list A) a (Insert word(s) from list B) IN/UP/DOWN/ON (delete as applicable) HER (CHOOSE FROM LIST C)




pink oboe
trouser adder
wee man
handful of gravel
12 lords a leaping


poop chute
next door neighbour

Here's a list of handy names for you that I don't believe have been used yet, in case you need more help

Bella Emburg
That woman from the old fat ballet dancers
Jilly Cooper
Edwina Curry
The Virgin Mary
Mother Theresa
Daisy Duck

And for the really, truly disturbed and depraved: Jodie Marsh.
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 15:20, 9 replies)
I downloaded a copy of Mandy Moore's third studio album, only to find that the data for track 7 had corrupted and it woudn't play.

(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 15:17, 1 reply)
I'm in love with a German film star.

(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 15:12, Reply)
Susannah Doyle
AKA Joy Merryweather in "Drop The Dead Donkey". Something about her just says to me "dirty bitch in the bedroom."

Need I say any more?
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 15:11, 7 replies)
I once bought a copy of ..
.. platformer-puzzle video game developed by Kuju Entertainment's Zoƫ Mode studio and published by Sega in 2007 for the PlayStation Portable; its protagonist is Danny, a teenager suffering from insomnia, who uses an experimental device to explore his mind and discover the cause of his sleeplessness off a bloke at a car boot sale.

It never worked.
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 15:10, 1 reply)
Sarah Palin
I would throw a hotdog down that hallway.

(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 14:59, 3 replies)
My dad once had to bar a famous English pianist, songwriter and television presenter from his corner shop.
Apparently the former presenter of daytime ITV game show, Sounds Like Music(1989-1991) was an inveterate shoplifter.
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 14:44, 6 replies)
Once, on a trip to the USA, I got the shits after drinking an out-of-date fizzy drink.
I believe REM once had a similar experience and wrote a song about it.
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 14:37, 6 replies)
Crush? Apparently I'm in with Col Gaddafi's missus...
...and I have proof:

Asalamalakum? Greetings,

I am Safia Farkash, wife of embattled Libyan
leader Colonel Muammar Gaddafi, who is
presently been embattled by the unfaithful
opposition leaders in my
country. Following the heat as a result of the
crises in Libya against my husband, Col.
Muammar Gaddafi, I have been able to escape
to a Neighboring
country,Algeria with my daughter who recently
gave birth to save our lives. I am desperately
looking for a foreign reliable partner whom I can
trust to
handle some funds on our behalf. A deposit was
made one time ago by my husband in one of
the security Companies in the West Africa in my
name. The UN and the
Western world have freezed most of our assets
and funds bearing Gaddafi's name anywhere in
the world Consequently, our status/position of
the present state
does not permit us to open an account or run
any huge financial business at the moment,

hence I contacted you to claim the funds. The
necessary Legal documents will be changed to
your name to enable the release of the funds to
you by the finacial
Company. Your assistance will enable us invest
the funds in your country. But before we proceed
you will promise me that you will not betray or
abscond with
the funds when it eventually released to you.
Last time the government moved to officially
freeze the assets held by the Libyan regime in
the UK following
sanctions imposed by the UN Security Council
Find below the links where some of our assets
were freezed.


I will furnish you with more info as soon as I
hear your response indicating your interest to
partner with me. At present I don't receive or
make calls for
security reason (s) as it is being monitored. All
communication is based on internet. Waiting for
your prompt and positive response.

Mrs.Safia Farkash Gaddafi
[email protected]

(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 14:34, 3 replies)
oh what the heck...
Laurene Powell Jobs

I always liked a lady in black

sorry !
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 14:34, Reply)
Arnold Rimmer
Not even Ace Rimmer. I want the neurotic one.
/edit - although it has to be pre-Series 6
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 14:32, 8 replies)
YES! Minister!
Sir Humphrey Appleby. And Barnard. And me. On Hacker's desk, while I tickle Mrs Hacker's village. Scuse me, I have something to attend to in the other room.
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 14:24, 4 replies)
Dame. Helen. Mirren.
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 14:20, 5 replies)
Probably not top of everyone's list but she should be .....
Yesterday I subscribed to the facebook page of Scottish weather presenter Judith Ralston. She's sizzling hot - very much in a Nigella Lawson kind of a way.

And while we're on the subject of Scottish weather girls you'd have to admit Carol Kirkwood's got a cracking set of norks.
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 14:11, 6 replies)
Last year my dad revealed his crush on Penny Smith by saying something along the lines that she looked like someone who "enjoyed sex". I really wanted the armchair that I was parked on to spontaneously burst into flames right there and then. I don't visit my parents very much these days.
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 14:09, 1 reply)
full bodied with a hint of bullshit....
Went through a bit of a mental breakdown type thing when I was around 23-24 and developed a MAA-HOO-SIVE crush on Jilly Goolden!

Wrote off to the BBC (this was the days before the tinterweb) asking for a signed photo....

And I got one through the post! but someone had written on the back "Dear Pervert, you should be locked up"

Now all I had done is ask for a signed photo not for her to roger me with a donkey's cock strapped to a pneumatic drill!

So I wrote back and had the producer of Food and Drink phone me to apologise profusely...

I did ask why Jilly had wrote such a comment, "Oh it was probably a temp who signed it and wrote the message" was his reply...

So Jilly hadnt actually signed it...I was heart broken!

Soon got over her and went back to fantasizing about popular BP duo Sarah Greene and Janet Ellis and also Nicola Bryant :)
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 13:49, 7 replies)
lovely Julia...
I'd cut off my right arm for a go on Julia bradbury..
the missus cam only express her disgust every time we see her on telly
I can't see wants wrong?
Anyone else get a Willy wobble on over her?

Ninja spelling edit
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 13:35, 9 replies)
Tenuous, you say? Not even fucking close, you say? A fucking PEA, you say? Oh alright, then.
I was just 13, and my French exchange student chum was - in my eyes, at least - unutterably cool. He liked U2, could name several other bands, didn't smile when he had his photo taken, and could dance - boy could he dance! I could just about move from foot to foot, looking embarassed. He could spin 'round and do the robot and everything.

There was a disco in our little Somerset village hall, and we were allowed to go to it - oh joy! There would be, I told him, girls there. He just shrugged gallicly, and I said that we could probably get some cider as well, at which he shrugged, gallicly.

We got there, and the DJ was at the other end of the hall, the music was pumping, the bass line thumping, the lights were glowing and there were THREE girls, sitting at a table, near the DJ, near the speakers.

Well, obviously they needed chatting up, so we flipped a coin, and I lost.

Being English, and being a gentleman, I took a long swig of cider, and squared up to my duty.

I strode down the middle of the long hall towards the girls, the music pumping, the bass thumping, the lights glowing.

I got within shouting distance; the music pumping, the bass thumping. I knew I was in shouting distance, because one of the girls turned round and shouted

"No thanks."
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 13:30, 4 replies)
My mate's wife
I'd always liked her. But gradually, like turned into attraction, which turned into lust, which turned into a crush, which turned into a desperate, all-consuming, obsessive desire to jungle-fuck her till her fillings rattled. I would have crawled a million miles over broken glass just to wank on her shadow.

But I kept it to myself. After all, they were both mates, and I'm not a bastard. Not that she would ever have strayed, anyway - I knew she took fidelity seriously (which is probably why I managed to be so virtuous, of course...) It wasn't easy; I don't think I've ever wanted anyone so badly. I'm surprised my balls didn't explode every time I was in the same room as her.

Then, one fateful day, I heard that their marriage was in trouble. This was hardly a surprise; even at the wedding reception, we'd all been running a sweepstake on how long it would last. No-one went higher than two years; one bid was two weeks. And I remember quipping to another mate that I hoped I'd be around to "offer comfort" to her when the marriage did implode, as it surely would.

But now joking had become reality. Rumours abounded that he was desperately looking for a way out. He was hoping she'd have an affair, so it would be easy to end things. He was apparently asking mates if they'd like to "Take her off his hands"!*

He even suggested this to me, though he had no inkling of the warm spot I had for her**. Naturally I declined, because I'm not a complete bastard. And clearly the correct thing to do would be to wait until they were formally broken up before making any kind of move - at least by an hour or so. It's just politeness.

And that's what I did. I can highly recommend fulfilling an apparently impossible obsession, if you get the chance. All those desperate longings for the unreachable girls of my youth were erased by the delivery of what felt like an imperial pint of semen into this golden-haired angel.

OK, so this isn't a crap RomCom, so we didn't end up together in the long term. The obsession burned out, in the end. But we're still friends; in fact we swap babysitting duties these days.

* Yes, he was a complete arse.

** A mattress.
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 13:28, 3 replies)
Posh ladies swearing
I can't be arsed to list any but basically any really posh sounding woman who's even vaguely feminine does it for me. Looks and age are pretty irrelevant (that's sometimes where the iffy comes into it) and if they swear i'm reduced to a gibbering wreck.

I fear if I ever met Rachel Swipe I may do a sex wee in my pants.
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 13:24, 25 replies)
Penny Smith
A bit bonkers, but cor, eh readers?
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 13:19, 3 replies)
Has anyone mentioned Cheetara, from Thundercats, yet?
I'd like to see her diddling Fiona Bruce, with her staff.

Bet no one's mentioned Fiona Bruce, either.
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 13:13, 1 reply)
Chitara (Thundercats)

nuff said.
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 13:08, 8 replies)
Oh yeah, also
I am completely straight and not prone to man crushes in the least. However recently I've been watching the prisoner and Patrick McGoohan genuinely does make me a bit weak at the knees. Be seeing you!
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 13:07, 2 replies)
Jenny Agutter
Ever since I saw her as the nurse in "An American Werewolf in London".
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 12:59, 9 replies)
bath time fun
The cast of 'TENKO', the prisoner of war thing from beeb one years ago. When i was a tweenager i dun seen an episode where they had a bath in the nudderz and i was like the first naked lady i did see.

(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 12:54, Reply)
Kim Hartman
Who played Helga in Allo Allo. There was just something about her in that German uniform.
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 12:52, 7 replies)
Greg Davies
The guy who plays Mr Gilbert in The Inbetweeners.

I know it's wrong and my closest friends have all looked on in horror/wet themselves laughing when I've confessed to my unlikely crush, but he's sexy as hell.
(, Fri 7 Oct 2011, 12:51, 7 replies)

This question is now closed.

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