He'll get it eventually
first time poster long time lurker

amazingly camp person at a friends party giving us the lecture on about how gay people were eventually going to take over the world and heterosexuality would be seen as "being strange", eventualy i snap "yeah that may be true but youl all die out eventually!", looking annoyed he came back with "what, because we cant have children!?", room now completely silent i hit back "No, cos youl all die of AIDS"......shocked silence as he says "my friend died of AIDS you prick!"

couldnt resist it

"you see, its started already!"

not homophobic by any means but he had it comin

length-hel never know, he'll have the AIDS by now
(rocknroll_pirate had a dream involving holly willoughby and custard, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 22:23, Reply)

i found out my friend was gay yesterday
'choad chomper'
(Papa Chocolat, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 22:19, Reply)

He's as queer as a bottle of chips
That's it. Heard that, and promptly pissed myself.
(Mark3y needs to put some welly in to it, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 21:31, Reply)

meh
please consult rogers profanisaurus before posting any more standard insults thank you.

my token gesture is "low resolution fox" (roger's it) or the seminal classic "you don't sweat much for a fat lass".

i thank you
(harestylenumber1 loves weiner, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 21:15, Reply)

I saw a Ferrari 355 today.
So I said to the owner "nice MR2".
(Cuthbert Annihilator, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 21:11, Reply)

Flange patter
Just search deep inside your own mind (a bit of alcohol helps) and you'll be amazed at what you can come up with, especially sat in pub with your mates.
Then when the time comes to use them you'll have a shitload at your dipsosal. Some might not be that insultive but worth a laugh.
Minge basket.
Buttock fusser (for the puffs).
Cockshine.
Cunt liquid.
Pomegranate pumper.
Budgie's elbow.
Cunt bunker.

It's just that some people are better at it than others cock froth.
(samgasm, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 21:04, Reply)

Username
Me and my boyfriend regularly spend abou ten minutes a day just putting together random words and using them as insults.

Hence, how my username was born.
( Lollylegs lite, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 20:50, Reply)

To the tune of Winter Wonderland, to insult lazy (and shit) footballer Andy Evans,
Its a ball, Andy Evans,
Its a ball, Andy Evans,
You kick it around, it rolls on the ground,
Don't just stand there watching like a twat.
(David Fishwick Minibus Sales - notmad.co.uk, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 20:47, Reply)

richard pryor will always be the man
I've been reading his autobiography, this is Mr Pryor on his woman leaving him...

"Well, fuck it then! Take your shit and get out. Shit, I'm gonna find me some new pussy". Women come back at your ass though, "If you had two more inches of dick, you'd find some new pussy here"
"I know the dick was good to ya. If it wasn't good, why was you hollerin'?"
"I was hollerin' to keep from laughing in your face".

Class
(bollox, not again, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 20:42, Reply)

As clever as. . .
. . .a sack of bricks, but only half as good-looking.
(louveciennes , Volvospotter, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 20:33, Reply)

Fanny Ear
Friday night was my friends camping party in a field. Got a tad wasted so sat down with my friend and boyfriend to look at the stars and talk about utter shit.
Suddenly the topic about vaginas explosing inside you came about.(Don't ask me how, I was in the state where I had to be constantly reminded about what I just said.)
And thus "Fanny ear" was born, the morning after I still rembered it so it is my duty to use it as a regular insult.
(Ellytots Last thought of chocolate on, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 20:05, Reply)

Calling someone a lesbian?
Cock dodger
Pussy lover

Know someone of the gay persuasion?

Marmite miner
Knob jockey/Cockjock
Vagina decliner
Beaver leaver
(kris kringle I only posted this message to find out the date on, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 20:03, Reply)

kleenex at the ready...
Cock-Snot

not much gonna beat that.

ithankyorverymuch
( Adolf Jitler is editor of Practical Shoelace Collector, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 19:59, Reply)

Allusions to violent homo sex...
Rectum ruiner
Sphincter splitter
Anus annhilator
Bum breaker
and other allitlerate gems.
( the_rhyme_minister has a little bit of gold and a pager, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 19:56, Reply)

This one time, at band camp...
I remember this twat said to me "I fucked your gran last night and really enjoyed it"

"I can imagine why", I replied, "She has been dead for some time."
(Mong The Merciless Older not wiser, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 19:43, Reply)

Chavs
Or the people who have to have the tuned exhaust on their cars so that other people notice them, or insanely large pick-up trucks (over here, they are far too common):

I say "Sorry about your penis not workin'!" as they are SURELY over compensating for something else.
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 19:40, Reply)

From my old English teacher
He used to like the odd anecdote. One of these involved a relative of his describing a girl as "uglier than a bucket full of arseholes".

He also used a few on some of us. To one boy, "What's the difference between Will's sister and the Eiffel Tower? Some people haven't been up the Eiffel Tower". To which Will responded "Sir, my sister's 12". All credit, he soldiered on with the lesson.

Another was "Chris, you could ruin a wet dream".
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 19:24, Reply)

I'm proud of the 'Your Mum' joke I did on my flatmate
He was impressed that his portable camp table could spread it's legs so far.

No punchline needed.
( __, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 19:12, Reply)

Never understood...
... the whole "your mum" style insult. The old "I fucked your mum" routine.

My mum's in her fifties. Good to know she's still got it.
(animal252 last activated his kitten hammer on, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 18:28, Reply)

I hated marketing
Used to work in a back-stabbing marketing department (I was the token techie). My favorite was "He's got his head so far up the boss's arse, he can see Hayley's feet!"

I'm sure she went far.
(Papa, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 18:28, Reply)

Sheer Genius
after a skirmish (ok, brawl) ensued in an Indian Restaurant, a significant amount of damage had been done to tables, chairs etc... the owner, quite understandable upset by the thuggery going on in his establishment, uttered (well, screamed actually) at the protagonists, the now immortal lines: "YOU...YOU...YOU... SHITTY BISCUITS"

genius man. genius
( Adolf Jitler is editor of Practical Shoelace Collector, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 18:12, Reply)

My Insult to Little Chavs......
They complain about everything that isn't about them, whilst I was wearing a suit, I walked past a lad, he shouted an insult, so I replied

"Specualtor, speculator, premature ejeculator"

I didn't think he would expect this from a man in a suit and chased me down the street, they reached me , so I hit him right between the eye with my breifcase , layed him out cold.

I ran.


Length? Too long? Maybe? Definately not short?
(poolcue123, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 18:05, Reply)

Farty Mcfart pants
Is what I called my boyfriend the other nite, I think u can guess why I called him that. The next day I called him snotty Mcsnot face, again for obvious reasons. He had man flu all week so I couldn't be too mean to him

Other good ones I like include knob jockey, butt monkey, arse bandit and r-tard (south park).
(wench, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 17:57, Reply)

Internationally minded...
Another good one is "german ambassador". As the german for ambassador is Bottschafter.
(animal252 last activated his kitten hammer on, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 17:51, Reply)

Insults
In Greece, the word Malaka (wanker) is a bit more than an insult, depending on intonation. When said in an aggressive style, it is offensive, but mothers walking their kids down the street will often call to them, "Malaka!" in effect saying, "come here, my little wanker".

[edit] : Oh yeah, just remembered the one I was going to post originally - "There's someone who should have been a blow-job"
(Tyburn Finds the name Lauren Muff inexplicably funny, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 17:13, Reply)

worked in a young offenders institute
where the scrotes always tried to wind you up .
upon being called a fat bastard one officer retorted ,I'm only this fat cos each time I fuck your mom she gives me a biscuit..
classic
( hyperspacial puggling, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 16:59, Reply)

One for the Germans...
Untermensch
(governmentyard, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 16:53, Reply)

I'm quite sure it's already been posted somewhere, but "BOBFOC"
/Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 16:30, Reply)

two sisters.
in the playground last month. the youngest one shouts to anyone within earshot (about 1 mile radius),
" my sister emily, has NITS"
(brussellsprout Im a fucking genius. official., Sun 7 Oct 2007, 16:25, Reply)

Fuck off!
Then come back and fuck off again.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 7 Oct 2007, 16:25, Reply)