Test a theory
Everyone has a "type" of person they generally find attractive. For me its long dark hair, medium to tall, skinny, nice boobs. The hair for me is what I really like.

My partner is generally not this type! But of course I have no problem with this, personality wins the day and if our relationship was based on looks, then she wouldnt have given me a second glance! We are happy. All my previous partners are generally not of my "ideal" type.

I know people who only date/go out with/marry their types - exclusively. They also strike me as the ones who arent really happy - some self confessed.

I know people who date who they want to, regardless of type and they, on the whole, seem happier long term.

So, is this a terrible generalisation or what?

Yes yes, man the cunt up I know.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 11:13, 28 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Referencing the porn collection thread earlier
Was anybody else surprised by the vanilla nature of Bert's porn? Blondes with fake tits having sex? Good lord. I'm not sure I own ANY porn that mainstream.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 11:13, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Swine Flu (part 15)
"U.S. pork producers are finding that the name of the virus spreading from Mexico is affecting their business, prompting U.S. officials to argue for changing the name from swine flu."

Any suggestions?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 11:10, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Whoops
I've just sent an email at work asking for some more details about a project I'm appraising... it's a food festival.

Just before hitting 'send' I noticed that I'd typed 'foof festival' instead... which could be interesting, but ultimately not fundable. I don't think that Europe would look too kindly on it.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Apr 2009, 11:01, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

STUFF!
Even now in my 40's I fear the ever growing pile of stuff I own.

I bought a leather pouff last night and afterwards I nearly had a panic attack.

What happens if I want to up sticks and run away? (Not really something I would do but what if?) What do I do with my stuff?

I feel trapped by my belongings. Anyone else have this problem?
( girlinthehole, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 10:43, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Have you ever met,
or are you lucky enough to be with, a girl (/boy) for whom you would delete your porn collection?
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 9:29, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The sneezing song
In honour of the outbreak of Swine-Flu, I'm posting the Sneezing Song.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYLpSyP9seY

Enjoy.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 9:26, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Your stock psychiatric advice
As someone who frequently likes to give advice out to others, be it in real life or over the web, I find that there are some common themes amongst much of my advice. So here are a couple of pearls of advice I like to give out.

• Don't allow yourself to fall into a downward spiral of negativity. Your perception of the world is shaped by your thoughts. If you believe this, you will start thinking more positively and adopt a more positive attitude to life.
• Have faith in your personal goals.
• If you find you're too aggressive, take up a martial art to relieve the tension in a positive and controlled way.
• Be yourself.

So what's your stock psychiatric advice?

[EDIT: It seems I've confused psychiatrist with counsellor. I was just asking what pieces of advice you give to people in need - I wasn't trying to trivialise psychiatry. Apologies to anyone I may have offended]

[EDIT2: I've made yet another semantic blunder. Apologies if this came across as trivialising the work of mental or emotional healthcare professionals. All I wanted to do was ask other people for the advice that they often give out]
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 9:23, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Teh Rage
My morning sleep on the train was ruined thanks to a fatteh woman who insisted on coughing and rummaging in her handbag every five minutes and nudging me with her flappy elbow.

Despite numerous tuts, sighs and evil looks she still wouldn't desist. And then she had the audacity to give me a filthy look because I dared put my elbow on the armrest!

Grrr...

What has caused rage in you lot this morning

(-10 points if it's Bert related).
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 29 Apr 2009, 9:22, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sometimes
when I want to give myself a little treat, I'll cut my sandwiches diagonally to make little triangles. It makes me feel special.

What sad little things do you do to brighten up your miserable, insignificant life?

-10 points for 'I post on Off Topic'
+10 points for 'Kaol touches kids'
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 9:05, 27 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Inspired by VC's attempt to aid the human race...
I was at Reading Festival year before last, along with the tens of thousands of other people who'd come to see lots of bands playing the same kind of music and The Smashing Pumpkins.

I'd noticed that I was spending a fair amount of time getting out of other people's way while they went about their business, so I decided upon an experiment.

I just wouldn't move out of the way. And what do you think happened?

I got walked into a lot.

This got me to thinking, there must be two types of people: those who politely move out of the way, and those who barge through regardless.

Which are you?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 29 Apr 2009, 8:47, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My People, hear me!
And by 'my people', I mean 'people I hope don't hate me'.

I call upon your wonderous wisdom, as I need to come up with an idea for a design project for uni next year. I ask for your suggestions, of things you would like to see, or based on things that annoy or cause problems to you in everyday life.

Hopeful thanks in advance
PoD
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 23:31, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Driver trauma
dear Auntie B3ta

I am a fairly new driver, I have my licence less than a month, and am just getting to grips with driving alone. Yesterday I was going an unfamiliar route and got lost, and was struggling to find or landmarks, when I almost jumped a red light. I jammed on the brakes and stopped about 3 metres from the lights.

What makes my blood run cold, however, is that fact that I saw a kid of about 5 cross the road on her bike, I will never forget the look her mother gave me.

Now, I wasn't going fast enough to cause much damage, I would have been able to stop before contact even if I'd gone through the light, and the people had not left the pavement (on the right) by the time I would have gone through the light.

But still, I am tormented. All day yesterday, I've been running through what would have happened had all of the things going for me not happened and I killed the child, and I am distraught. Mintue by minute I imagined the ambulance, paramedics working unsuccessfully on the child, her parents being told, having to tell my family, them having to tell other people, basically ruining a lot of people's lives. Today I've moved onto imaginingg the police inquest and funeral arrangements. I've not been able to eat or sleep, and any driving I've been doing has not been above 20 mph.

All I can think of is how easily these things can happen, and I just want to curl up and die. All in all I think this was a cheap lesson, and will NEVER allow myself to be distracted again.

So, b3tans, have you had similar experiences behind the wheel? Will I recover?
(Lolitaslittlesister, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 22:45, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Brian Blessed on Dave!
Well Dave Ja Vu.

My life is one hour behind :(.
(TheColonel, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 22:31, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If there's one thing Kevin Smith knows how to do
it's tell a story.

Well worth watching.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 19:18, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Right then
Now that I've announced I'm off, leaving the country, scarpering, buggering off and departing into the sunset, any thoughts on what kind of a leaving party I should have?

Incidentally this will be around New Year's.

Actually while we're at it might as well make it the evening HSH thread.


( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 18:39, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So, in the last few days I've spent over 100 hours working on a design project
This included doing a 24 hour spot in uni over my birthday on Sunday, and staying awake for 36 hours.

So, what's the longest you have had to work for in one go? And the longest you've stayed up for?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 18:30, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Why is it
that different alcohols affect you differently?
I can drink countless shots of tequila and be fine but a single glass of wine will have me on the floor.
( Mellicious is made of candy, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 18:12, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Why is it...
That the word "paedophile" when looked at linguistically makes no bloody sense? A lover of children... odd that.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 17:44, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Twice today
various people have made a game attempt at the word cojones, but fallen tragically short of the right letters in the right order.

For reference, this is how it's spelled. Thank you for your co-operation.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 17:38, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

On the subject of making positive decisions and best of all... freedom.
I've made a choice today. As some of you who know me better, know that I really want to escape the country for an extended period of time, and basically scarper for a bit.

Recently I came across an opportunity to teach English in South Korea... and today I made the decision to actually go and do it. And you know what? Now that I've made the decision, it suddenly feels as though a weight has been dramatically lifted from my shoulders. Amazing.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 17:05, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My wife bought me my first car car wooyay
But............

She bought it from her uncle, who, when we were on holiday sold it to someone else and gave her her money back when we got home.

What a complete total utter complete total utter bastard.

We'd bought a new steering wheel and seat covers for it too. *insert sad face here*
( Peej, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 16:42, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Inspirational?
I've just finished watching the TV series 'From the Earth to the Moon', the opening titles to which feature a section of a JFK speech which I find absolutely electrifying:

"We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too."

It makes me want to go and do something amazing (maybe I'll settle for nipping the shop and buying a Cornetto).

Anyway, it inspired me to ask...what inspires you lot?
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Tue 28 Apr 2009, 16:36, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've discovered the secret ingredient to Internet Cake


Now, if only I could get you all to like me, I'd be plied with this stuff day and night.

I've decided to make it my mission in life to earn your respect back, please post suggestions here for how I might go about doing so.
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 16:34, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Monkey Magic, Monkey Magic!
Should I buy the DVD box set or is this one of those things that are great when you are a kid but are now just shite nostalgia?

PS Tripitaka used to make 'young me' very confused in the winky-wanky-woo department.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 16:24, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So, Teh End of Days is close...
What would you do with your last few days as Swine Flu takes hold, grasps the very life from your loved ones, and turns on you?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 15:55, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So this whole swine flu malarky
Your thoughts please? Are you scared, indifferent or a little troubled?

I'm not greatly concerned, but then before I left my place of work, I procured a box of tamiflu vaccines.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 15:24, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Shoes
A couple of weeks ago, someone posted a link to a pair of running shoes that looked like feet. They're supposed to improve your posture &c.

Was it you that posted it? If so, could you gaz me the link?

Failing that, could anyone else point me in the direction of the OT post I've described?
Cheers
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 14:00, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bishop
I have never attended a bash before.

What might I expect?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 13:31, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I don't often do this, but it's a special day
Seeing as it's DiT's birthday today and he's still infuriatingly younger than me...

*passes cake around*
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 12:49, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)