Woo! Yay!
Radio 4 are bringing back I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, with Stephen Fry as the host.

That's cheered me up no end.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 9:29, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hitting the wall
As most of you know, I like to keep fit. I run, swim, cycle, climb or do whatever it takes for the endorphine fix.

However of late I've found I've been hitting my limit sooner, my blood pressure is up and my resting pulse has jumped from 49bpm to a whopping 71bpm. The cause is due to some meds I've been prescribed.

Do I junk the pills or am I merely getting old?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 12 Jun 2009, 9:24, 47 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The right way of doing things and the wrong way of doing things.
Sometimes, some things in life seem so simple that they're intuitively obvious. Yet, sometimes, some people manage to get them bewilderingly wrong. So tell us the wrong way of doing something, alongside the right way just to juxtapose the wrong-ness. Here are some examples.


Buying a condom

The right way

"Hello, I'd like to buy a condom for 50p please"

The wrong way

"Hello, I'd like to buy a tool of the devil for £40 please"


Getting on a train

The right way

When you see an open door on the side of the carriage, pass yourself through it.

The wrong way

Find someone standing inside the train near the door, say "Alright mate!" to them and watch with disappointment as the train then pulls out the station.


Using a toilet door

The right way

Push the toilet door open and walk through the doorway.

The wrong way

Rest your finger in the hinge space of the toilet door and wait for someone to crush it.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 9:19, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Do you ever get random really sharp pains in your head

Random, "hold your head" pains, that disappear as quickly as they arrive.


I think I might be dying...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 9:11, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Important question of the day
which hand do you prefer using?

I'm ambidextrous so I can do other stuff at the same time.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 8:50, 36 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

today is my last day at work
before I have a week off.

jealous? I thought so.

some interesting looking threads last night, particularly the blatant Al / DiT gayness. Stirling work though everyone. Hot job.

Tonight I shall be heading down to the quay (after some reefers and mario kart) to catch a ten-piece ska-funk band and to enjoy the fireworks at the opening of the festival.

What are you doing? yes, you.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 8:42, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning!
Is anyone awake? Or are you all sleeping off the drug induced stupors that Krod Mandoon inspired?
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 8:21, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

something very suspect about this
www.japantoday.com/category/crime/view/2-japanese-carrying-134-bil-worth-of-us-bonds-detained-in-italy

134 billion dollars!!!

if they're fake, it's the biggest forgery ever.

if they're real, we can kiss what's left of the world economy goodbye.
(knackerz is skinning up, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 3:49, Reply)

my hamster done 7 poos
just now in his ball.
(Jam Mincer Geordie is oiling his biceps, Fri 12 Jun 2009, 0:04, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm currently doing
This programme.

It's quite good. I'm just coming up to the end of week two.

I've been watching Dollhouse too. It's a very good show and I'm glad it's been given a second series.

So, read any good books lately?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 21:23, 114 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Men of b3ta, do you agree with this?
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/5498375/Men-prefer-average-sized-women-over-fashion-models-and-Playboy-centrefolds-claim-scientists.html
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 21:23, 40 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

In-jokes
Me and a couple of ex-college friends piss about with language and end up with obscure phrases that only we know the meaning of.

For example, "put the kettle on" was mispronounced as "pat the cattle, Anne". Then with a bit of word association, and swapping Anne for another member of the 'Famous Five', it became "Tap the horses, Dick" and so on. Saying to your mate, "it's your turn to tap the horse's dick" raises too many questions.

What extremely esoteric in-jokes do you practice?

Edi: Clicked Post This Message by accident
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 21:01, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

in the minority
I'm quite proud of the fact that I can describe maybe 3 scenes from Star Wars IV at most. In fact, my description would be more concise than a 30 second reenactment with bunnies.

Anyone else proud of not been familiar with a massive anchor of popular culture?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 20:36, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

news
Watching the news earlier, and some bloke was on who was described as a "psychotherapist"

For the last two hours I've been singing "psycho the rapist" to the tune of Frosty the Snowman and it's beginning to get on Mrs SLVA's nerves.

What family-member annoying Yuletide-standard defilement have you committed recently?

Perhaps you've pissed off an aunt by repetitively singing "I'm creaming in a shite cunt mess"

Edit: Christ my English is shite
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 20:25, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Time for a weekend thread
I'll be at college tomorrow so wont be around much...
Saturday I'll be sunbathing and reading books if it's sunny, if not I'll head to Borough market for tasty foodstuffs and then onto the bash in the evening

Sunday I'll be mostly lounging around in bed and eating whatever I buy at the market.

What will you be doing
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 20:18, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

For the love of Ancrenne
She probably wont see it until after the weekend, but just in case. Tell me why you love the sexy lady that is Ancrenne...
- She's very very sexeh
- she's a happy drunk
- she's creating an ethical business and doing it on her own terms
- not much phases her - other than stupid routers and computers being rubbish
- she has a very sexy arse
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 19:45, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Home Sweet Home
We've not had an evening HSH-thread for some time, so let's have one.


( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 19:32, 151 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I fixed two peoples bikes today
anyone else in an altruistic mood?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 17:37, 49 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What action figures/dolls/toys of your childhood/films you have loved do you still own?
I have:
Obi Wan Kenobi
random storm trooper
random death star guy
Chick from Mars Attacks
Darth vader
Hey Arnold
Edward scissorhands
Marv from Sin city
3 Kodama that Lusty's brother made me
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 16:10, 78 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just noticed
some of you are utter cockstains and should be put onto ignore. How many people do you have on ignore?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 16:05, 160 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bleurgh
My job is shit. And I have no time left to waste on here. Living in the real world is HARD.

You are all stinky.

And the lorry driver that honked at me for trying to get OFF THE FRICKING MOTORWAY god forbid can go shove his arm up his rectum. After he has beaten himself around the head with it. Utter, utter twunt.

Give me some shiny stuff.

*I'm going now*
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 15:48, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm going to visit the bum specialist today
to find out why I've been shitting blood the last few weeks.

What fun things are you lot doing today?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 15:47, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just noticed I've got an apple on my desk
when did something fun last happen to .... oh ffs.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 15:34, 54 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm currently running on raw fear and coca cola
I have started a 3600 word report, to be written and handed in tomorrow at lunchtime, and I'm currently sat at work. My boss has been throwing hissy fits at me over me doing this report, saying I should do it in my own time, despite me trying to explain that I can either do it at work and do something productive at work, or I can do it after work and stay up all night working on it and turn up to work a wreck tomorrow, so I've had to give up on writing it for the time being.

It's really strange as she doesn't really care about me going on B3ta/FB/other sites, but says I should do this report in my own time.

So I'm running on raw fear, coca cola, and confusion. What should you have done recently but haven't, and how is not doing it gonna affect you?
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 15:08, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm coming up to town on Saturday
That's London to the plebs and I'm wondering:

1)What I should wear

2)Where I should go during the day

and

3)The best place to purchase some 'adult' gifts.

Tell me oh great and good of OT.


I've got a pile of marking to do - let's change the site name to Procrastinators 'R' Us!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 14:24, 62 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I wanna be a Drama Queen, I want you all to look at ME!
What have you done to get people to pay attention to you? Perhaps you've done a dance in a pair of frilly pants? Perhaps you've painted yourself red and run the length of Oxford Street yelling "I'm Janet Street-Porter's Vagina!"? Perhaps you update the internet with the minutae of your life?

Why are YOU a drama queen?
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 13:26, 97 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I love learning accents.
I find when I'm by myself, I practice them, cirtain key phrases that get me into the accent.

I've got the Northern Irish one down to a charm, my key-phrase is "I demand, cheese and pineapple, on a stick, right now, and if my demands are not meet, there shall be consiquences".

My South African one needs some work, but it's getting there. My 'generic affrican' one isn't to bad eaither. Southern American is also easy.

I find the hardest part is skipping and using the right words, as different languages are different in that respect.

Are you any good at accents, got any plugged down to a key?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 13:25, 74 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cake help please!
Rather than go to Tesco and buy one off of the shelf, I've promised to make the Mrs a cheesecake from scratch this weekend.

Do any of you lovely B3tans have any suggestions that would help me make it a bit more interesting than just a tub of Philidelphia spread on a digestive?
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 13:04, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)