Morning!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 13 Jul 2013, 9:25, 12 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Oops

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 12 Jul 2013, 23:47, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Cheers.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 12 Jul 2013, 18:41, 14 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Swipey's undercrackers - granny hampers, g floss or commando to keep the gorilla salad fresh? Discuss...
Alt: Have you got a fav pair and why?

Alt Alt: When is acceptable to slope off on a hot sunny Friday?
( b3tz, Fri 12 Jul 2013, 14:17, 188 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S ME
Use one word to describe yourself, you can say fuck off.

Alt: Favourite type of fish. If you don't like fish, to hell with you.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 12 Jul 2013, 13:05, 92 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Stick 3 random films together to make a new trilogy
e.g.

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
Kill Bill
Ted
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 12 Jul 2013, 12:40, 41 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

F F F F Friday!
Right, fuck this shit - I'm going to the pub for lunch. What delights are you up to this weekend?

Alt:
LUNCHEON
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Jul 2013, 10:50, 117 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Reverse Foggsy Negative Vibes Thread.
Where is the worst place you've ever been?
Alt: Who is the biggest cunt on here?
Altalt: Why is everything so shit?
Altaltalt: You don't understand me OR my music. I hate you. Why can't I paint my bedroom black? It's so unfair.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Jul 2013, 9:48, 95 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Morning, Lordlings.
Edit: wow QOTW is even shitter than usual this week eh.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Jul 2013, 7:59, 165 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Saddo evening thread?
I'm having a quiet evening after a stressful week and before a parental weekend. what are you up to?

Alt:nope, can't think of a damn thing, write your own.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 11 Jul 2013, 20:20, 6 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Well done Nakers. Your last thread has obviously killed /OT off.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 18:27, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

a new low
when have you scraped the barrel?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 16:09, 93 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I need a name for my new wireless router.
I was thinking of labelling it 'Yewtree Surveillance Unit 4' but that's a bit old hat. Another option would the 'Eddie Kidd Centre for Domestic Violence'.

Your suggestions please.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 15:33, 55 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

what is the planet's most stupid animal?
alt: do you have a conscience, or do you think you are always right? what happens if it pricks you, do you listen or ignore it?

altalt: what do you find difficult and what comes easily to you?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 14:08, 146 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

BOOM! Fourth, bitches! Eat that, haters.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/article-2357480/Britains-best-beaches-50-nations-stretches-sand.html

What's your favourite British beach?

alt: Tell the class some amusing tales of seaside-based japery.Or what you're having for lunch.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 11 Jul 2013, 12:47, 154 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Techy Thread
Any of you lot on bog standard Freeview? 'cus TalkTalk and BT are so cheap for internet/telly, there are loads and loads of chavs out there who have got their boxes but don't want them 'cus they probably got sky or something better......

.... so on ebay, for about £80 or soo, you can get a YouView box, which does all the OnDemand stuff, High Def stuff, 320gb recording, plus its a really fast and responsive guide with all sorts of other clever bits. You can even download an app and get it to record via your phone like Sky and Virgin.

A normal recording first-hand Freeview box will set you back £100 at least, and there are no monthly bills.

Well worth it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 12:06, 77 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Rory pulled out the wad of cash from his pocket, flicking through the notes gained from his latest tarmacking job. The dozy old woman who’d coughed up hadn’t even realised she didn’t have a drive. There was loads of cash to be gained from senility.

Glancing around he realised how much he loved this caravan. It was his 18th birthday present from Pa. He’d named it ‘Dun Poaching’ after his last experience with a gamekeeper & his 12 bore. Christ knows how he was going to adjust to being part of the settled community.

Pa. Now there was a man to admire. He still held the Romany record for living the most laybys in the south east. Hell of a scrap business he’d built up as well. Shame about that incident with the lawnmovers. How was he supposed to know his cousin had robbed 20 sheds in a week? Still 4 years wasn’t too bad a sentence.

He felt his frustration rising. He didn’t want to settle, but if he wanted kids then this was the sacrifice he’d have to make. He knew how to make himself feel better.

He fired up his laptop, typed in B3ta.com and chose one of his many usernames. Now who to start with?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 11:29, 22 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Time for a version or two about other B3tans
Swipe stood in front of her extra wide mirror, next to her reinforced bed, tugging forlornly at her ginger hair. No matter how much she spent or which hairdressers she went to, nobody could help her truly disguise her true rustiness.

She then struggled to fit in to her size 20 work suit whilst reciting the phrases she was learning at her elocution lessons to subdue her northern accent. Then walked in to her kitchen, reached for another Krispy Kreme and checked her diary:

Tuesday evening: liposuction (she hoped they’d got a more powerful hoover this time, surely it wasn’t her fault that the engines had burned out on three Dysons last month?)

Wednesday night:
Nothing. Hopefully Tesco’s would have an offer on their extra-large pizzas, that way she could stave off the loneliness for another night on the sofa watching Emmerdale.

Thursday night: Drinks with Greggs Hat. Oh how she loved him! Oh how she loved his wallet! Such a shame that try as she might, she couldn’t turn him straight, despite his partial blindness & lack of a sense of smell.

She drowned herself in the latest Superdrug special offer perfume in an attempt to hide her body odour and then jumped in her car to drive to her conveyancing job in Leyton. She remembered that she must phone Daddy and ask for some more money, after all that stomach stapling operation was going to cost at least £10k.

To be continued…
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:42, 79 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Girth Ironblade cast a grizzled eye over the castle parapet, and looked out across the Forest of V’irgynns.
His weather-beaten, tough face told of hard years fighting mighty battles with fire-breathing dragons, and squiring buxom wenches ALL THE TIME. Not made-up ones, REAL ONES. The suggestion that he was, in fact, a speccy dickhead with Asperger’s was laughable. Laughable. As he leant on his oaken spear, his cloak billowed around him in an epic, really cool way. He oozed dignity from every pore and no one ever mocked him or bullied him ever. No way. He was shaken from his reverie by an elven beauty with MASSIVE JUGS. ‘Take me, my lord’, she pleaded….

‘MATT? MATT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE? YOUR TEA’S READY!’
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 10:00, 110 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

'A GAME OF STONES'. by Lord LycraMatt of I'gh-Tee. Chapter One
Mince Gaydar threw back his rugged head and laughed a gruff, manly laugh, and quaffed a hornful of mead. 'Hahahaharrrgh'. All the other Lordlings really respected him and he was always having sex - REAL LIFE sex with actual women, for free and everything. Mince knew that Laird Wan'qorr, Thring Larpling and the rest of his band of outgoing, popular heroic warriors who were in no way spotty, pathetic IT knobbers by the way ACTUALLY, would carouse deep into the night that night, for their mighty quest was at an end. He stretched out on his wolfskin, and looked around his castle with satisfaction. Yes, his lair, Castle Flatt'shayre, was indeed a mighty domain. He beckoned to a maiden (with MASSIVE TITS) - she meekly obeyed and came to him. They always did....

To be continued....
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 8:20, 176 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Sport. Love or hate it?
British sport has been in the headlines this week, rugby and yesterday's cricket. And a cyclist getting piss lobbed at him. Is sport important? Do you participate or merely watch? Or is all sport just bent?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Thu 11 Jul 2013, 6:58, 28 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So property eh?
Like where you are?
Hate it?
Want to do stuff to it but can't?
Or is it not important to you where you live?

I don't care a fucking jolt. Just needed an excuse for an evening thread.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 19:54, 62 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

hahahahaha yeah cricket hahahaha

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 18:54, 6 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

So, there's a woman lives over the road.
Every day around this time she gets out of a taxi, and proceeds to negotiate the pathway to her flat in a manner that suggests she's about to faceplant herself on the pavement, but always manages to stay upright. At first I thought she must have Parkinson's or something, but our neighbour recently told me she's a chronic alcoholic who's boozed her looks away over the years.

I also live next door to a pair of conspiracy theorists. Nice people, but utterly bonkers in some respects. What are your neighbours like?

Alt: Should Andy 'cheery bastard' Murray get a knighthood? Who actually deserves a knighthood?

Alt alt: Is /OT running out of ideas?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 10 Jul 2013, 14:38, 103 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Have you ever tried to talk someone else into signing up for this here websight?
Do you hate them. Who would you try talking into joining if you didn't think they'd not talk to you again?

Alt: If you could only watch one television channel for the rest of your life what would it be?

Altalt: Let's have a 'bash'. Where will we have a 'bash' that's not that there London? Oooh, I cannae wait!
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:49, 135 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

little-bit-o-politics-ladies-n-gentlemen?
This:
www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/british-public-wrong-about-nearly-everything-survey-shows-8697821.html
Confirms my suspicions about people knowing shit all about anything.

so, do we blame polititians or the media, or both? Yes Monty I know you blame the coons...
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 10 Jul 2013, 12:48, 4 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

You lot are fucking shit at this
Fine I'll fucking do it

Ever boffed a mate's missus? Or gender-neutral equivalent?

Shitty grammar. How much does it bother you? There's a place called "Angel Nail's" in Norwich. Were I ever to feel a curious urge to have my nails done I would avoid that place as if it were a pool of vomitus with bits of undigested kebab floating in it.

How can we improve /OT?

Your mum; shag or die?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 11:26, 137 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Privatising the mail, good or bad?
www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-23249466

Do you play the stock market? Successful or not?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 10:24, 63 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

What a frightful start to the day.
Shall we try again?

1. Given your life over again, if you could make one change what would it be?
2. Where do you see yourself in five years' time?
3. Duran Duran or Spandau Ballet?
4. You can only eat one nationality's traditional food for the rest of your life, which do you choose and why?

Answer, one, some or all. Or indeed none - get fucked.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 10 Jul 2013, 8:59, 188 replies, latest was 12 years ago)