wow bobby
you've succeeded where jmg and every other /talker have failed... you've killed off-topic with that last thread!

not that this will breathe any life into it, but it's all i can think of today. what are you looking at right now (beyond b3ta, smartasses)?

alt q: if something looks great but is really uncomfortable, do you wear it and suffer, or look less great and be more relaxed?

alt alt q: having done holidays with family, small and large groups friends and various other halves, i am ashamed that i am reeeeeeally tempted to a holiday all by myself next year. is this chilled out and cool or is it horrendously anti-social and weird?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:15, 208 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

From here I can see
2 monitors, 4 Lego men, a wallet (empty), mobile, 4 music CDs and an empty coffee cup.

Alt Q:
No, its all about the comfort for us blokes. Ladies feel free to wear uncomfortable but attractive attire by all means

Alt Alt Q:
Do it!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:18, Reply)

In order.
Bob. You cunt.

Alt q: No. That would be silly.

Alt alt q: No, go where you want, do what you want and enjoy yourself. And there won't be family or friends to judge you (or) the quality of Italian waiters you decide to get under.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:18, Reply)

Hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:20, Reply)

Product codes, thousands of them
Alt: No, even my tight clothes aren't uncomfortable
Alt Alt: Nothing wrong with that, you'll soon meet new people and have fun.
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:21, Reply)

it's just that the alternative is going with a big gang of girls
and some of them bicker and it's exhausting and-

gah, i know i am totally going to end up on the girly holiday, i just had this sophisticated image of myself actually chilling out round the pool and getting some early nights with a load of new books.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:25, Reply)

Do girly holidays mean pampering, or is it a 'screeching harridan' hen night mentality?
If it's the latter, please god don't.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:29, Reply)

Hah
rachelswipe in a nurse's costume with an L plate on the front, a tinsel halo and a fairy wand.
( Kroney, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:31, Reply)

Read first 5 words - Woo hoo!
Read the rest of the sentence - Shit.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:33, Reply)

it usually means the following:
months and months of "what are you going to pack" and "can i borrow your gold sandals" and "do i need ten bikinis" and "if you take your straighteners, i'll bring my travel iron".

half the group getting leathered at the airport before we've even checked in.

someone forgetting their passport. someone else hating the accommodation/their roommate/crying because their boyfriend is on a stag do and might cheat on them despite the fact that they fucked the barman the night before in a moment of pre-holiday madness.

7 or 14 days of gossiping and drinking and hangovers and lying around the pool eating too much. and yeah, a certain amount of massages/manicures. but in general mostly the drinking and the gossiping.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:33, Reply)

Go for the holiday alone
depending on how long it is
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:38, Reply)

would be a week i think
i have a few oxford sessions, a week in the new cornwall cottage, a week in madeira/somewhere in europe on my dad's holiday bond thing, a hen weekend, my brother's wedding long weekend and the usual family christmas trip, and i only get 30 days holiday a year, so.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:45, Reply)

It might be a nice idea
to get some time to yourself then
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:51, Reply)

I've been on nights out with a group of girls
Some of stuff you have to listen to makes you want to rip your hair out. I can't imagine anything worse than a couple of weeks of that non-stop :S
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:40, Reply)

That sounds like hell.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:42, Reply)

My thoughts exactly
Then again, so do 'Lads holidays'
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:45, Reply)

I did my fair share of those in my youth.
How none of us died from alcohol poisoning is still a mystery.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:48, Reply)

I hate the idea
I'll happily drink, but I'd much rather relax with a nice cold beer by the pool, than throwing them down my neck.

In Lanzarote, we did drink a lot, but it was always chilled out (except for 2 nights), and so it was relaxing, and wonderful. Although one afternoon we found a beer called Reina, which I'd had to drink, and that was quite strong, so it led to me having a considerably drunker afternoon than I'd intended.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:52, Reply)

I am looking at the purchase & sales ledger of a builder
It should win the Nobel prize for fiction.

I have been on diving holidays on my own, but you end up in a dive group.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:24, Reply)

i love hearing about your clients
makes me realise that mine are not entirely unique and i am not all alone in dealing with them
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:42, Reply)

I complained to the director that the ledgers are drivel & half the bank statements are missing.
His response, "It's more than he usually gives us"

Hey kids, can you say "Tax Investigation"?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:46, Reply)

oh holy jesus
what is the matter with people?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:52, Reply)

All our builder clients are the same
a lot of cash flying around and no paperwork to back anything up.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:57, Reply)

do any of them want to come over to my place
and fit some light fittings and paint my ceiling?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:08, Reply)

I have an excellent electrician client who sorted out my light fittings
and I am excellent at painting ceilings (and painting in general)
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:12, Reply)

how's your head for heights? my stupid ceilings are about 15 feet up
but i could bribe you and your electrician client with copious quantities of beer and pizza (after you've been up the ladder, clearly)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:24, Reply)

Yowzers? High ceilings indeed.
That might be a bit beyond my "roller on a broom handle" technique
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:43, Reply)

Uh
Couple of monitors and my phone. WILD TIMES.

I don't wear it. This is possibly why I look like a trapm 90% of the time.

Go by yourself. I ended up being by myself after having gone on holiday with a friend and it was the single best holiday I've ever had. There's a lot to be said for being a free agent.
( Kroney, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:25, Reply)

My desk, and the office (mainly focusing on the arse of one of my coworkers, she's got a rather nice one)
We're open plan, so only the fact I'm a shortarse stops me from seeing everyone in the office.

Alt Q: No, as I'm not a woman.

Alt Alt Q: It's entirely your choice. I wouldn't do it, but the best holiday I ever had was 4 of us, just chilling out for the day, and having a few drinks at night.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:26, Reply)

I've got a co-worker
with a nice bottom, too. How about that? We're practically twins!
( Kroney, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:27, Reply)

Magnificent.
*handshakes*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:27, Reply)

I'm sure
her personality is interesting and her opinions valid.
( Kroney, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:29, Reply)

She once sulked for a week after I called her tubby, and it couldn't have been clearer I was joking.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:30, Reply)

never call anyone tubby
it's one of those things that has no possible flattering meaning, and it's quite hard for people to tell if it's a joke or a genuine dig
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:33, Reply)

What about if someone is REALLY fucking fat?
Suggesting they are just a bit tubby is being kind then, surely?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:34, Reply)

Nope in that case
you should just refuse to speak to them 'in case you catch the fat-germ'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:37, Reply)

*Makes notes*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:41, Reply)

In my defence, it was 100% clear a joke
Some women came round in tight tops and hotpants, advertising golf lessons. Every bloke in the building found an excuse to be downstairs to perve on observe them. The girl came down, grinned and said "How can you find that attractive, they're just skin and bones?"

I responded "Ah, shut it tubby" with a massive grin on my face, and followed it with a laugh. From looking at me, it's clear there was no malice, and everyone here already knows that I'm happy to take the piss.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:41, Reply)

Even as a joke, that was poor timing
She said "How can you find that attractive, they're just skin and bones?"
when really she meant "I've got more meat on me, but I'm still attractive, right?".
Your reply gave her a resounding No, even if it was meant in jest.
Also, tubby funsters are usually touchy about their weight.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:59, Reply)

And even more touchy about cake.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:02, Reply)

Thing is, she's not even close to anything tubby, she's just not skin and bones.
She's very attractive.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:05, Reply)

still calling her tubby
in front of several very slim girls is not ever going to endear you to her
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:10, Reply)

See, now you're just making me feel bad.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:11, Reply)

It's not as bad as FATAIDS

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:55, Reply)

bumchums

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:27, Reply)

HA!

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:31, Reply)

Jealous?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:31, Reply)

They're both SKILL
*Retro laughs*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:34, Reply)

No, they are shan

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:35, Reply)

The Law of the Playground doesn't tell me what a 'shan' is.
can you explain please?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:38, Reply)

certainly
shan is when something or someone is crap/gay
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:01, Reply)

Books on Modernism and all that hippy shit.
And a work station.

Alt: I love my corset. Next question.
Alt Alt: No- in fact I was talking to someone yesterday about this, I've been feeling a little wanderlustful and quite fancy it. Poppet is an inspiration to us all.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:29, Reply)

Doesn't she only live in North London?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:30, Reply)

What does Monty make of this?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:31, Reply)

boom boom.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:35, Reply)

i don't find corsets all that uncomfortable
but I suppose I don't tie them to masochistic levels
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:19, Reply)

Maybe painful's the wrong word. I oftne end up feeling uncomfortable though.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:27, Reply)

bbciplayer
Alt Q: I'd wear it unless it made me feel too selfconscious. In which case no matter how good it looked I'd still be tugging at it, and awkward.

Alt Alt Q: Going on holiday on your own is fine in my eyes. Probably not for more than a week though.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:29, Reply)

I've got a mate who tries to travel for 3 months of the year.
He just organises his visas and jumps on a plane.

He never gets bored, largely down to the fact you are constantly moving about and meeting new people.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:32, Reply)

I could fancy that
I'm unlikely to have three months of holiday a year though!
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:34, Reply)

He is self employed.
So he can do pretty much what he wants.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:35, Reply)

yeah
there is a huge difference between travelling, when you meet loads of people, and a resort for a week. i can't decide if it would be blissfully peaceful or depressingly quiet. as i can't normally move without my blackberry and my iphone being glued to each hand, it is oddly appealing.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:37, Reply)

They you'd probably find yourself working for most of it.
Albeit with a cocktail and the sunshine.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:39, Reply)

I opt for blissfully peaceful
take the iphone and blackberry obviously. Or maybe rather than doing a resort go somewhere with less heat and more things to do. Rome, Prague, Berlin these are all good options
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:41, Reply)

I'm guessing your mate is a self-employed IT contractor?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:36, Reply)

Designer.
He does clever stuff with pictures and advertising campaigns and things.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:40, Reply)

Tell him I hate him

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:42, Reply)

I will do when he comes back.
He'll be away until the middle of this month.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:46, Reply)

*Narrows eyes*
damn his interesting life. I bet he's a fun guy and a hit with the ladies too! (Don't answer that)
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:48, Reply)

Your first alt answer reminds me of my penis.

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:46, Reply)

I'm looking at an absorption spectrum taken from an aircraft at about 34,000ft over Cornwall
And wondering why it doesn't look the way it's supposed to.

Alt q: Depends if it's actually supposed to be clothing. If yes...well, I don't know, I tend to dress like a middle-aged lesbian anyway so I don't really have any uncomfortable clothing.

Except my suit. I hate being stuffed into a suit.

Alt alt q: I've taken holidays by myself before. It feels a bit strange but is quite enjoyable. Keep a little diary of where you go and what you do and write it up for us in the same riveting and entertainingtiresomely self-indulgent style as my trip to Croatia.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:36, Reply)

Swipe - I've been on holiday by myself for two months now - and it's the best thing I've ever done.
it's not horrendously anti-social and weird at all!
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:37, Reply)

ah but you are travelling
if i could have 6 months or more off work, i'd do that by myself like a shot! i am just talking about a week in barbados or something.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:38, Reply)

well yeah do that too! there's nothing wrong with it.
I'm enjoying it because I just do what I like, when I like.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:42, Reply)

But your hanging around with people pretty much all the time
if she went to Barbados it would just be her, the barman and a sense of misery and loneliness that her life has descended to this level.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:50, Reply)

ha
that won't work on me, nor anyone else who would be hanging out around a five star infinity pool with the click of a finger being all that was needed to summon chilled towels, unlimited drinks, etc.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:54, Reply)

The bed is still cold when you're alone ...

(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:56, Reply)

which is a good thing in Barbados really

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:58, Reply)

yeah right
having the bed to yourself is the best thing about being single. nobody sleeps as well when someone else is there!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:07, Reply)

I'm alone for the next two weeks.
once I leave amsterdam for berlin tomorrow, I won't know anybody for two weeks until I get back to england.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:56, Reply)

Do you speak much German?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:14, Reply)

I have no german at all . WOO.
I don't have a phrasebook or anything, but I'll be right.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:18, Reply)

It is a bit of a myth that 'All Germans speak English'
So you might want to get a phrase book, at the very least, you'll be able to get a beer and all will be right with the world.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:23, Reply)

well considering my first stop is a trainstation, I"m sure I'll find one.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:24, Reply)

I'm sure you will.
The surly fuckers at the airport station were a shower of unhelpful cunts.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:28, Reply)

I'm chirpy and perky and smiley though.
always works for me. :D

Seriously, even Chompy didn't loathe me, that's saying something.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:31, Reply)

Of course he didn't
you're female.
( Kroney, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:33, Reply)

pfffffffffft!

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:36, Reply)

Some work, boingboing, email... exciting times.

Alt q - Normally don't wear it, but for the likes of TG as long as it's not uncomfortable enough to ruin your night then go for it.

Alt alt q - I don't think I'd go on holiday on my own as I am well aware that I would spend the whole time in bed, but that's no reason why you shouldn't.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:37, Reply)

Your signature
is a good one.
( Kroney, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:45, Reply)

Thank you kindly.
I nicked it off a webcomic t-shirt.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:50, Reply)

Do I win a prize?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:38, Reply)

You should win a prize for knowing the most (possible) murderers
they let your old teacher (Mr. Strangle) go
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:41, Reply)

I know, they now think it was more than one murderer.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:43, Reply)

Did he have a teaching assistant?
If not, then I'm stumped.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:44, Reply)

hahaha nope

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:51, Reply)

It's hard work getting a tarp-wrapped body down a flight of stairs
and into the boot of my a car

Probably
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:55, Reply)

It isn't easy for the Bristolian police.
They are waiting for Waddingtons to print some new rules, at the moment the investigation is hampered by the fact they can only accuse one person at a time, as long as they are standing in the room they think the murder was committed in.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:59, Reply)

They can't solve the crime until they find the pizza
It's very important that they find the pizza. Everything hangs on that pizza.

I mean...was it tasty? Did it need a bit more cheese grated on top? Were the cooking times accurate? Could it have been spiced up with tobasco sauce?

Important questions Jeff.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:06, Reply)

The local news keep going on about it, saying how important it is and how they need to find it.
I called Crimestoppers to say I'd seen loads of them in my local Tesco Express.

Will they give me the ten-grand reward? Will they fuck.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:16, Reply)

Hang on...do you live in the westcountry?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:30, Reply)

Yarp!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:39, Reply)

We'll have to meet up for a pint and crunch carrots.
How do you fancy leaning on a gate and giving townies bad directions for a day or so :D
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:45, Reply)

Genuine bad-direction-laughter from me.
Bad directions are the future.

Do you mind if we stand outside Dixons and protest about those new fangled Microwave Ovens that cook things dead quickly? It must be witchcraft. WITCHCRAFT I TELLS YA.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:50, Reply)

I'm sharpening my pitch fork as we speak
someones in for a serious arse-forking!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:53, Reply)

I'll fire up the tractor!
Are you one of the Somerset Freedom Fighters?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:57, Reply)

Fairly boring
Here's a pic.

Alt: If it's REALLY uncomfortable no, but if it's only a little bit, then I'll suffer to look awesome.

Alt alt: No that's not weird at all, I've gone on mini-breaks by myself before.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:41, Reply)

You could have a panoramic wank!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:44, Reply)

That I could
Were it not for the open plan office.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:47, Reply)

Fire alarm wank?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:48, Reply)

I could make it an extra danger wank
By starting a real fire.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:52, Reply)

i am sure
it wouldn't be the first time
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:49, Reply)

I have seen some exceptionally amazing porn here

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:51, Reply)

DANGER WANK!
the less successful follow-up to 'Danger Mouse'
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:50, Reply)

Was his side kick called
PENisFOLD?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:55, Reply)

Pfft!

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:00, Reply)

is that because the episodes were too short?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:59, Reply)

That's too clever for me
I only understand lowest common denominator smut
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:01, Reply)

it will cum as no surprise
that i can do that, too.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:05, Reply)

Ha!
thank you, that's my level
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:07, Reply)

smut
is a very important feature in a man, i find. best paired with other attractive features, such as opening doors, putting toilet seats down, saying "thank you", not complaining at having the duvet stolen/cold feet put on you to warm them up, always having a fridge full of cold diet coke... but still, base smut is a very important feature.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:11, Reply)

As crazy as this sounds, I actually have that
Granted, the fridge of Diet Coke is at work, but I just thought I'd point it out, haha.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:12, Reply)

you haven't yet mastered the skill
of not calling women tubby though
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:14, Reply)

hahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:16, Reply)

I've only ever done it once!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:18, Reply)

But how many times have you called a woman tubby?
I think the two might be connected.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:21, Reply)

*makes notes*
toilet seat down...diet coke...cold feet (I have been known to shriek at cold feet...in a manly way of course).
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:15, Reply)

it's cold feet or pink bedsocks
whichever you find less unsexy.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:17, Reply)

I'm all for better socks in the bedroom
Edit - does that make sense? It was that or "Improving your socks-life"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:22, Reply)

ok so that's black fishnet hold-up stockings with lace tops
with criminally short black see-through lace negligee.

and hot pink fluffy totes with anti-slip cat pawprints on the soles.

i'll be round by 8.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:26, Reply)

Aww, cat paw prints
I mean...giggidy.

but ickle paw prints? awwww
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:29, Reply)

i can send you a reeeeeally smutty picture now.
of the soles of my feet.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:32, Reply)

That's the best offer i've had all day!
week
year
decade
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:35, Reply)

i may have misled you
they might be tiny cats on the soles, not tiny cat pawprints.

i will check it out when i get home.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:39, Reply)

*Gasp*
It's all secrets and lies with you, SECRETS AND LIES!
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:41, Reply)

i have to preserve a tiny little bit of mystique

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:43, Reply)

Starting high pitched, then your voice dropping as quickly as you can possibly make it?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:18, Reply)

That's the one
I have certainly never shrieked like a sissy-girl. Oh no. Nope.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:24, Reply)

My living room.
High points are a fucking brilliantly decorated tree and a birthday balloon from my son's 21st (good times).
Altq. Comfort every time.
Alt Alt Q. It is only horrendously anti-social and weird if you don't take me.
No sexual shennanigans and undemanding, calm, witty and well-read conversation.
Do I get the job? (Don't tell the wife though.)
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:42, Reply)

no sex?
hmmmmmm.

what KIND of conversation?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:56, Reply)

Usually starts off ok and descends into peurile humour.
No sex cos I'm far too lazy these days.
My reading tends to be quite eclectic so the conversation can take, shall we say, unusual turns.
I think something in my head is broken as I seem to see weird connections others miss and find them wildly hilarious. Alcohol tends to help in this.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:10, Reply)

no sex, no holiday
sorry, next?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:11, Reply)

Oh alright then.
That's a hard sell you've got there. It's ok I'll bring my own viagra, that way I can get some sleep while you busy yourself.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:22, Reply)

Don't holiday by yourself
pay for me and the missus to come with you, we're great company and we promise not to just ignore you once we get to Barbados.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:44, Reply)

i have told you repeatedly, al
i don't do odd numbers, mm-kay?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:55, Reply)

numbers +ities
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:57, Reply)

I'll come too

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:58, Reply)

this could work

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:59, Reply)

but if I go as well
that's another odd number
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:59, Reply)

Perfect, you, Vippers, swipey, Vippers' missus, me and mrs al.
That's a great holiday party right there. I'll work out when I'm free this summer.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:01, Reply)

Hey I'm coming too
But that'll make it odd again... can I bring Idi Amin? No, wait, shit he's dead... can I bring Amberl? Damn, already on the list. I hate making snap decisions!
Ok, I'll bring Jesus Christ. It's ok, he won't need a plane ticket, as he's in all our hearts.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:03, Reply)

I'll do the same
this is going to work out very nicely
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:05, Reply)

I'm packing my swimming costumes already.

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:07, Reply)

this does actually sound pretty damn cool
we could throw al in the pool and see if he floats
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:09, Reply)

And if this diet goes to plan
I'd even think about a bikini
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:12, Reply)

so would i
if the rest of you were wearing eyemasks and massive gloves
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:17, Reply)

Massive gloves?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Oh did I forget to mention
the burkha that would be worn over my said bikini
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:24, Reply)

*Does my bomb look big in this?*
Predictable joke is predictable.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:26, Reply)

This is clearly the best solution
In fact, why don't you bring your missus and one of her friends, then we won't have any awkward silences when we're having dinner on the beach.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:00, Reply)

What's odd about my number?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:58, Reply)

you, me and your missus = 3!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 16:59, Reply)

There would be 4 tits though.
So that is an even number.

Does that help at all?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:04, Reply)

Seven tits, can you not count?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:05, Reply)

7?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:17, Reply)

i shouldn't be laughing at this

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:18, Reply)

nu me
(TheColonel, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:04, Reply)

I'm quite gutted that I haven't been invited to this imaginary trip.
It's not that I would have gone on the imaginary trip, I have to many imaginary commitments, but it would have been nice to have been thought of at some point in the imaginaing of the imaginary trip.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:35, Reply)

Don't worry Gonz, neither have I
We'll go on our own holiday to a Jap restaurant or something with all the other internet people who aren't going on this imaginary internet holiday.
( Kroney, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:39, Reply)

Can we go to one of those islands where you can just buy whatever you want from the phamacy? Or a place with a doctor who'll just write out 'scripts if you buy him a bottle of booze?
But one where it's safe to walk down the streets at night.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:43, Reply)

It's an imaginary island Gonz
we can have whatever we want. I'd like a Greek island, if that's ok? Although I think I can forgo all the stray cats.
( Kroney, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:45, Reply)

Greek food can be so dull though, how about a Thai one that is the distance of a Greek one?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:55, Reply)

Sure, but in that case
I'd rather keep the stray cats and lose the terrifyingly convincing lady boys.
( Kroney, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:56, Reply)

to be fair
the only person who was invited was me.

everyone else has invited themselves.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:41, Reply)

It's probably something to do with my creed, it's always my creed that is getting me uninvited to places.
Anyway, i'm off home, gotta get home in time for the +1 hollyoaks.

L8erz t4taz
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:44, Reply)

You realise there is now a danger that you'll wander down with your towel to a beautiful beach in a virtually undiscovered corner of Barbados
And then be crushingly disappointed as hoves into view a peculiar and incongruous shamble of people sheltering from the sun they haven't been exposed to for years on end, discussing what they're having for lunch and occasionally extolling the virtues of breasts.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:46, Reply)

Haha, we've ruined Al's imaginary holiday.
It's like your half sister ending up in your wank bank.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:54, Reply)

I'm looking at some old notes on theories of increased feelings of victimisation in todays society
'cos I'm cool like that.

Alt: Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.

Alt alt: No, it's fine, the only reason I wouldn't do it is that I can't stand my own company.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:07, Reply)

i can see on my desk
3 cameras, an empty rice pudding can with a spoon in, CDs, pens an ocarina, a recorder, a fife and a mouse made of felt

i have a messy desk
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:13, Reply)

If we're going on messy desks, mine's worse
4 packets of tobacco, a million and five (I counted) loose rizlas, 2 empty bottles of wine, 4 pages of gig listings, 5 lighters, painkillers (various), 2 boxes of filters, 3 mugs, 2 tea spoons, a DVD (Wire, s4), an ashtray and whipped cream.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:16, Reply)

nice work
I chucked all the beer bottles away as it always looks bad if someone comes round. Usually there are plates and more mugs.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:20, Reply)

Ah you see, I have mastered the art of not caring
My housemate, however, hasn't. I've decamped to my Mum's to babysit for an hour. I expect to have a cleaner desk upon my return.
(BelladonnaAnodyne Melissa's gonna wet herself, I swear..., Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:27, Reply)

Its the rolling tobacco that does it.
gets everywhere. I reckon non-smokers would get a buzz from using my keyboard.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:26, Reply)

I can't remember the last time I had a can of rice pudding.
I think I've got mild Ambrosia.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:19, Reply)

*mexican waves*

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:21, Reply)

Ariba! Ariba!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:22, Reply)

you've got all the puns
on tapioca
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:22, Reply)

Oi, you can't start a pudding-related pun thread.
I didn't hear anyone saygo ...
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:30, Reply)

Less of this, or I'll have you taken into police custardy...

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:40, Reply)

pardon, can you repeat this?
I'm a trifle deaf
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:44, Reply)

That's not very dairy dessert eaten either hot or cold.
Oh, wait...
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:47, Reply)

So I said to him, "Doctor, I've got a spot shaped like a strawberry."
He said to me, "I've got some cream for that."
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:47, Reply)

To say that was bad would be pudding it politely...

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:49, Reply)

When it comes to puns, I'meringue'un, that's for sure.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:53, Reply)

You should try these out at a comedy club.
But don't be surprised if somebody Eccles.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:56, Reply)

that one was so bad it
yoghurt
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:58, Reply)

smoothie-ly done

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 18:01, Reply)

It was as close as we were going to get to culture, anyway.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 18:01, Reply)

I think it had rennet's course.

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 18:03, Reply)

heh.
whey to go.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 18:05, Reply)

curd that get any worse?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 18:06, Reply)

oh don't you sTART

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 18:03, Reply)

Im just reading my daily webcomics.
also much to my girlfriends chagrin I always put comfort over looks.

plus. go on treat yourself.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:25, Reply)

Are you calling your missus fat?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:43, Reply)

How does that song go?
"I'm built for comfort, I ain't built for speed..."
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:44, Reply)

No Im saying that I usualy dress like I escaped from a flood


at comicon
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:45, Reply)

Nono, willenium is not AA
although AA *was* only joking when he called his co-worker a horrible fat biffa and then told the internet and laughed.
( Kroney, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:46, Reply)

Fired much?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 17:49, Reply)

My exact words were "Shut it, tubby"
She's a mate of mine, we've worked together for a year, it's not like I insulted a woman I work with out of the blue.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 4 Jan 2011, 19:25, Reply)