i have been reviewing the ancient laws on distraint
and amongst dull stuff, amusing myself on the fact that you can distrain on wild animals but not pets (unless they are high value show animals or other pedigree).

what utterly random fact have you learned from your job that you can share?

alternatively, best insult or compliment you've ever heard or had.

GO!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:04, 257 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

A while ago I worked for a company that painted road markings
I learned the code numbers for the different types of arrows and stuff. Apparently it's 'weird' for a passenger in a car to say "Ooh look, a 1030 arrow!"

Alt: my new favourite insult
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:09, Reply)

You'll make me sound like a CHEAP WHORE
Oh
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:18, Reply)

You're hardly Belle De Jour

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:23, Reply)

I could be!
You don't know!

I'm not. You do know
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:25, Reply)

The phrase 'housewarming'
comes from the times when lots of homes were made from sandstone (I think) and as such had very thick walls which would render them very cold (pre central heating, see?) When ever a new family moved in, all of the village would come round to the house; the heat generated by all the bodies would be absorbed into the stone, thus warming the house up for the new residents.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:10, Reply)

that is fucking class!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:14, Reply)

It's one of those "whey y' bugger' facts and no mistake.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:15, Reply)

It is that

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:16, Reply)

this is great

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Why, thank you.
The things you learn when you're doing an appraisal on a village hall renovation project, eh?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:35, Reply)

That the taxi trade is the utterly fucking shittest trade you can take part in
unless you started thirty years ago with some competence.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Best compliment.
My mate saying to me, 'If I was a bird, I'd shag you'.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:13, Reply)

to which you replied
"If you were a dog, I'd shag you"
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:14, Reply)

hahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:16, Reply)

I hope you replied, "if you were a puppy....."
Mindpiss
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:15, Reply)

ZING!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:15, Reply)

hahaha
want a mop?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:15, Reply)

I acknowledge your speed, don't milk it.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Too slow!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:17, Reply)

The Tenerife air disaster
in 1977 is still the worst aviation accident in history.

It's all fucking "go" here.

Alt: Still love (when asked by a female colleague how you are) "All the better for seeing you!"
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:15, Reply)

That was two 747s bumping into one another, wasn't it?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Yep
One turned too early on a taxiway
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Is the north airport where it happened still closed?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Yes
They built a new one in the south (Reina Sofia I think) where there is generally no cloud or fog.

The 2 747s crashed in fog on the ground.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:38, Reply)

That's a nice compliment

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:17, Reply)

What does it mean, "distrain on wild animals"?
I'm learning a lot about renewable energies. I've learnt that you get so many bonusses by the goverment for trying that your company doesn't even need to be efficient or give any benefits to make money.

Walking in Madrid in winter, I was told by a guy that I hadn't met before: "I didn't know roses could grow in the snow"

Not a compliment said to me directly, but my friend told me a week ago that, during our wedding, when Mark was pretty wasted, he went to talk with her and said that I was the best thing that had ever happened to him. Makes my heart warm when I think of it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Removal of goods due to debts

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:18, Reply)

So
they can take wild animals from you but no pets. Well, if they take them from you that means they are yours, which means they're not wild anymore...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Probably means livestock
like cattle, sheep etc.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Yes, I get that
but they're not wild. I'm sure you can make a case there.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Well they're not domesticated

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:27, Reply)

They are not wild either
I think there's a hole there.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:33, Reply)

For distraint outside of personal stuff such as the shirt on your back and shite like cutlery it's all up for grabs for your debtors
So you're allowed to carry on 'living' you won't be stripped bare and thrown into the street, but if you're a farmer then all your 'stock' ie cattle sheep etc can be removed and sold to pay for your debts.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Or like a petshop n stuff

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:27, Reply)

That is a lovely compliment!
*keeps*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:18, Reply)

I know
It made me giggle like a teenager.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:20, Reply)

basically if the bailiffs come round
don't let them in. they can't force their way in without a court order.

however, if you let them in once, they can keep coming back.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Really?
Are they like vampires, then?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:33, Reply)

vampires herpes
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Not that I have a job
but that while everyone thinks of "Greek Love", anal sex was for sluts and Persians. Good upright Greeks didn't do it.

Alt: Being told I'm gorgeous vs. "You can still be really pretty sometimes, even though you're fat"
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Who told you that!!??

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:18, Reply)

on a related note
we were watching the new series of Spartacus last night, and a poor slave girl was getting a couple of holes filled. Seems mr b3th was aware of the phenomenon (hopefully in a theoretical sense) but didn't know the term 'DP'.

He looked at me a bit funny after that.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Give with one hand...

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:18, Reply)

One that always gets trotted out is
TWAIN, a technology used for scanners, etc stands for

Technology With An Interesting Name

Alt:
Go and take your face for a shit
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:16, Reply)

I thought TWAIN was a backronym?

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I have learnt this morning
that it is OK in my company to threaten me with physical violence (for the third time in a week) at the top of your voice with your face rammed into mine, in front of the managing director: it's fine. You will have absolutely no comeback from that whatsoever.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Maybe you can do the same to him
and expect the same consequences?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:18, Reply)

I expect this is probably the case.
I am, however, a civilised man who believes firmly in reasoned argument as a way to resolve dispute. As soon as you raise your voice/lose your temper, you have lost - that's how I was raised.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Kick him in the cunt at lunchtime

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:21, Reply)

But then
how are you going to dominate the world, if you can't dominate your office?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:23, Reply)

With the use of ninja, of course.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Of course
I had forgotten the ninja.

Clearly, you're meant to be our leader.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:32, Reply)

I prefer this line of argument myself
The problem is that if the other person does not respect it, they're unaware that they've lost, and will probably persist.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:26, Reply)

This is what is happening here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I am going to make the massive assumptive leap that logic and reason on your part have failed
It's time to get stabby
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Industrial Tribunal
solve your money problems via the medium of compensation!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:35, Reply)

D:

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:19, Reply)

what does this smiley actually mean?
horror? shock? glee?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Troll

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:30, Reply)

0/10
Hi Darth, how are you today?
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Morning Rory,
Very well thank you. And your good self?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Shit's goin down
I have 24 census forms to fill in tres rapidement, I shouldn't be dicking here really
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Seeing as how I have no idea what you do for a living,
I choose to believe that you're running a halfway house for illegal immigrants or brothel and have to fill out census forms for all of your charges due to their lack of English/motor functions/safety crayons
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:51, Reply)

His real name is Nicolas van Hoogstraaten.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:57, Reply)

I am not Googling that name
Not after you introduced me to that Moser woman
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:01, Reply)

He's a slum landlord, basically. An all round piece of shit.
Ended up in prison for the murder of his business partner, then got released on a technicality a bit later. One of the richest men in the country.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Fuck
If I'd known Rory was a loaded murderer I'd probably have been nicer to him
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:07, Reply)

rory used it on me yesterday
i was unclear as to his intentions.

now i know.

thanks rory. thanks a lot.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:41, Reply)

(")(O.O)(")

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Invent your own
Something involving a massive pile of cash, or possibly some excessively large breasts
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:52, Reply)

( £ ) ( £ )

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Excellent work

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:01, Reply)

It means "my face is on upside down".

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Dismay I suppose
d-(^.^)z
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:32, Reply)

excessive ascii emoticons
are shit, and you must now leave the internet.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:37, Reply)

( . ) ( . )

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:44, Reply)

WTF?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:19, Reply)

You should
have cunted them in the fuck.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Bollocks to that
*sends boys round*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:20, Reply)

As much as I'm sure Monty would appreciate a blow job
It's hardly appropriate in the workplace.

Well, except for you, obviously...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:22, Reply)

effeminate mincing men will not help here

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:23, Reply)

I dunno.
If they flap hard enough they might *just* manage to give him a nosebleed.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:23, Reply)

I can see them now, rocking up in the queermobile and piling out dressed in pink tutu's

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Running around in circles, screaming "bitch" in high pitched voices...

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:28, Reply)

8/10

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:29, Reply)

You said
marking posts was shit beakering?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I can't get enough of arbitrary scoring
I'm so complicated
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:35, Reply)

What happened
Did you vomit on someones slippers?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Blimey...

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Is there an HR department?
You could be a cunt and demand to file a report.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:25, Reply)

No there isn't.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:26, Reply)

I imagine it's a put up or shut up scenario

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Get a restraining order served on him.
along the lines of 'You must not come within two feet of Monty Boyce's face, unless you are offering him MASSIVE DRUGS'
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:29, Reply)

If there is no HR
then follow the fucker out of the office at lunchtime and give him a dry slap.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Offer him your hand
smooth or furry?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Or knock the cunt out.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Monty is a refined fellow, he does not engage in backstreet fisticuffs with ruffians
Plus he is, by his own admission, soft as shite
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:31, Reply)

This rapscallion sounds like a bully
and so will likely resile from physical confrontation.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:33, Reply)

A good point, esteemed colleague
Perhaps the impending threat of a spot of Queensbury rules will see him suitably afeart to offer retraction of his previous sentiments.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:38, Reply)

He put someone into a coma last year.
The only reason he is not in prison is that the chap was an illegal immigrant.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Surely if he has previous form in the field of physical intimidation
there must be some recourse you can take along the lines of "get this psychotic cunt out of my face"?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:54, Reply)

This would be a good reason not to get involved in fisticuffs, I suspect.
But still, whether the person was an illegal forrin or not... WTF? Is it a case of two illegalities cancel each other out or something?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:55, Reply)

My guess would be that once the chap woke up he decided not to press charges
as he'd have been flung into France via trebuchet
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:08, Reply)

^ yup

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:22, Reply)

The immigrant
was probably fucking asking for it.

Coming over here falling on our tattooed fists.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:22, Reply)

This made me laugh a lot

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:26, Reply)

omg
poor monty.

want me to get them for you?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Yes please.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:22, Reply)

Best insult and compliment
"My sister thinks you look like Justin Timberlake."
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:18, Reply)

"Look" is vaguely flattering; he's bringing sexy back, don'cha know
"Dance" would be an absolutely immense compliment.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:21, Reply)

I would prefer
"fuck Cameron Diaz and Jessica Beil like"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:24, Reply)

And that is the difference between us

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:27, Reply)

For those on Facebook
You know when you save pictures from Facebook the default filename is something odd like '76788_1***************4_635630153_15955883_1255377_n.jpg'? Well the longest string of numbers I've partially obscured is a unique reference to the Facebook account of the person the pics came from.

Alt: Wooks told me that I look like Brendan Frasier if he lived Charlie Sheen's life for five years.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Wow that is a spectaculary dull fact

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:29, Reply)

The question was for a random work fact, not an interesting one
Sure beats any wacky U-bend lolshenanigans from your windowless hellhole.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Buuuuurn.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:36, Reply)

wacky U-bend lolshenanigans
sounds a bit, erm, wrong...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:37, Reply)

but feels so right

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:39, Reply)

You are Darth Foxtrot aicmfp.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:41, Reply)

oh man that hurt :(
*flounces*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:44, Reply)

You're a MEAN MEAN MAN

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:50, Reply)

You only just noticed?
Don't let facade of gentile playful banter disarm, you. In reality I am a cunt of the highest order who kicks small children and puppies for shits and giggles.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:53, Reply)

And robs those spastic charity boxes then pushes them over.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:54, Reply)

All of the above is child's play
compared to drawing comparison between me and, well, anyone. I feel sorry for anyone.

You bastard.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:55, Reply)

I have learnt that there are an absolutely absurd number of acronyms used in the telecommunications industry
However a colleague told me (therefore it counts) that the origin of the word "posh" relates to seafaring journeys taken in times of old, when upper-class passengers would sit on the Port side on the way Out, and Starboard on the way Home. Something to do with sunsets, probably. Can anyone here who is posh confirm this?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:24, Reply)

I believe that is true
/notposh
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Your colleague is correct.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Isn't that one of those debunked urban myth things?
I shall defer to Stephen Fry for the final answer....
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:26, Reply)

He lives round my way
Don't bother, it's too easy
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:28, Reply)

False etymology I think.
like fuck being derived from 'for unlawful carnal knowledge' (it isn't).
(berk, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Disappointing
Especially fuck. How about golf? "Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden"?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Get out lady's fanny?
It's funny because golf is a game played by cunts.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:33, Reply)

No, that's football

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:35, Reply)

No, it's definitely golf.
You don't see footballerists playing the game wearing STUPID FUCKING TROUSERS AND HATS!!!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:38, Reply)

I refer the honourable gentleman to my facebook post of last summer sometime
when England were 'playing' in the world cup:

'Must have been women's football today, because there were definitely eleven fannies on the pitch'
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:40, Reply)

I take your point.
But they weren't wearing stupid fucking trousers and hats.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I'm not entirely sure why golfers can get away with such sartorial horrors
Probably because golfing fashions were defined in the early part of the 20th century, and no-one ever bothered to update them.

Wouldn't it be fun if other sports allowed such lolwacky costumes? "And the England team takes to the field. Playing today in purple tartan and pink LaCoste polo shirts."
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:48, Reply)

That is nothing short of preposterous
England would never wear tartan
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Hahaha
OK, how about Adidas - All Day I Dream About Sex?

I know the company was actually founded by a German called Adi Dassler, don't bother
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:36, Reply)

*rocks out to Korn*

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:40, Reply)

I thank you
Morning, former eye-mong. Hope this day finds you well
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:42, Reply)

That sounds like the spam emails I get a lot of
They normally start "GREETINGS OF THE DAY!"

This day has to be better than yesterday so woot!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I like your style
Best of luck with that
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:49, Reply)

*balltongue! balltongue*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:49, Reply)

It's a fucking good job for your sake that I was a huge KoRn fan in the 90s

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:50, Reply)

After Dinner I Did A Shite?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:44, Reply)

aka a Backronym

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Oh, THAT's what that means!

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Oh, Combichrist tickets have been bought
The booking and postage fees have been sworn at, but begrudgingly paid.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Postage fees?
The site I used was "collect on door only". Flag Promotions.

Good news all the same though mate. Can't wait.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:56, Reply)

I went through the Assembly Rooms site
Me neither, it's gonna kick ass!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Already sorting my playlist for the journey :-)
Am even vaguely tempted to dig out some Mortiis as they're supporting
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:00, Reply)

An old friend's band is also supporting
Deadfilmstar. No idea what they're like though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:15, Reply)

Depends on the dead film star they modelled themselves on
If it's Marlon Brando we could be in for quite a night
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:20, Reply)

I'm hoping to get to Brixton Academy this year.
For the Mission / Fields of the Nephilim / Gene Loves Jezebel triple header. Mostly for the Nephs, though.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:59, Reply)

God, my brother will be at that.
I did quite like Dawnrazor as a wee lad.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:00, Reply)

£25 for three bands, Monty.
Elizium is a fucking great album. As is Dawnrazor.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:02, Reply)

My brother had their first 12"
It was green and had a terrible black and white drawing of a topless bird on it - Back to Gehenna, perhaps? I have to say Wayne Hussey is the worst lyric writer of all time, great guitarist in't' Sisters but I really cannot abide The Mission. GLJ were a bit bent.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Like I say I'd be going mostly for the Nephs.
Although I do have a soft spot for the Mission's first album, lyrical banality aside. On the sleeve notes to Floodland, Eldritch said something like "The problems came when Wayne wanted to write more songs for the second album. I vetoed this, as all he'd do was string buzzwords together; the guy didn't have a clue".
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:23, Reply)

You are correct.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:38, Reply)

I work in science
there is a lot of utterly random stuff I could tell you. Errrrmmmmm...the human genome is something daft like 1.7m long, and it's only by intricate folding that it all condenses to fit in your cells.

According to you, Swipe, someone on here thinks I'm one of the prettiest girls he's ever seen. But you wouldn't tell me who. I've also been told I look like Zooey Deschanel, which made me extremely fucking happy.
(berk, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:28, Reply)

more than one guy on here has told me that, ACTUALLY
but i won't name names, not even for you!! xx
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I'm sure it's true, too.
Us lady b3tans are generally an attractive bunch.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Pfft, seriously?
people on here need to get out more.
(berk, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:32, Reply)

They're all
myopic from staring at computer screens for too long.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:36, Reply)

This is almost certainly the reason.

(berk, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:33, Reply)

I thought the human genome sat by ponds with a fishing rod.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:32, Reply)

It has been a while

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:34, Reply)

It's been a while since I've seen that picture.
*Must try harder*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:35, Reply)

I love that picture

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Zooey Deschanel eh?
We need pictorial evidence if you're going to say you look like my future missus.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:26, Reply)

I'm sure there are enough people on here who've met me
and will agree that there is a passing resemblance, without having to stick a photo of myself on here.
(berk, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Calling people a philistine for not embracing new technology is actually wrong
The philistines had a very diverse culture and were actually ahead of many other cultures, especially in the area of iron smithing.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:30, Reply)

I like this
is it true?
(berk, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Yes
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philistinism
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:35, Reply)

I thought that was not appreciating arts, rather than technology.
Luddite would be more your anti tech person.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:34, Reply)

People misuse it for technology
But it all stemed from Hebrew cultures who the Philistines wouldn't trade iron with, so I'm guessing they sent the Hebrew women off to tell nasty stories about them.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Blame the jews.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:39, Reply)

define
High value show animal or pedigree...

The bailiffs can have my first born but they ain't touching the dogs.
(CheatingRabbit, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:32, Reply)

'Nuff respect!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:32, Reply)

I have learned
that I can't believe any of the facts I have been told about the IT world because as I am double checking them all before posting them here I am discovering they are all bollocks. For example I have been told the J in JPEG stands for JPEG (it doesn't) and that the head of IBM said he predicted a worldwide marker for five computers (he didn't)
( Peej, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Joint Picture Experts Group?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Photographic

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Near enough

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:43, Reply)

FACTS
- If you don't fill up the coffee machine at work with water after you've used it someone will shout at you.
- The best way to avoid doing more work is to answer "yes" when anyone asks if you are busy.
- The man at the shop on the corner where I live barely grunts at me when I go there however my girlfriend likes him because he is 'very friendly'.(not a work fact, but still a fact)
- Last week I ran over my foot with the wheel of my chair while lording it in my multi coloured socks. This hurts.
- The plant in the corner of my office has no natural enemies in the office environment. Apparently in the wild snails love them.
- The plant in the corner of my office was grown in a greenhouse and was "definitely not grown in a greenhouse that looks like an office to get it ready for it's future life....you moron!!". This helpful fact was provided by my colleague.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Random fact.
This generation, rules the nation. With version.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Bom biddly biddly biddly biddly bom.
The video was directed by Don Letts, fact fans.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:53, Reply)

How does it feel when you've got no food?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:59, Reply)

I'm a man on the internet - never happens so I've no idea.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)

As Chompy isn't here I'll fill in for him
The modern paper clip was patented on November 9, 1899 to William D. Middlebrook of Waterbury, Connecticut. Middlebrook invented not just the paper clip but he also invented a machine to produce the paper clip. Cushman and Denison purchased the Middlebrook patent in 1899. That same year Cushman and Denison also trademarked the name "GEM" for their new paper clip.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:46, Reply)

That's it, you've thoroughly fucked my attention span.
Oooh, shiny things!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:48, Reply)

You are getting sleeeeepy and want to give me preeeseeeents
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:50, Reply)

I could do with a nap.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:53, Reply)

paperclip rape?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:10, Reply)

I guess he was bored into a life of rape

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:50, Reply)

POTD

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:56, Reply)

*takes a bow with arse to the wall*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:00, Reply)

Oooooooh dear
You've used that before and I only gave you 5/10 then. So I have to award you a 4, for repetition
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Oh dear...I'd better fall back and regroup

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:09, Reply)

How far back can you fall with a wall behind you?
*advances menacingly*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:12, Reply)

ena in
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)

Too easy
7/10 nonetheless. The way you swoop down upon my posts is most unnerving.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:18, Reply)

LIke a winged bovine harbinger of strikethrough

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:19, Reply)

That is brilliant
I really like this
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:27, Reply)

I have learned that some people really can't take a fucking joke
One lad here has raised the Bullying alarm, claiming he's being victimised. This is the lad who has no issue whatsoever in calling our Bureau Manager a midget, telling me I'm a cunt because I told him he had to change his desktop, etc etc. And yet, we produce a card with a well known Circus name on it, and his name, and he kicks off. He's a fucking cunt.

Alt: I'm still fairly proud of this one...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Zippo's?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Zippo the clown is my mate Lee's dad.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:55, Reply)

Does Lee suffer from nightmares, paranoid delusions or an irrational fear of his car falling apart on the M1

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:58, Reply)

Yeah, but he always looks happy

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:00, Reply)

*click*

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:00, Reply)

He is quite the worst keyboard player I have ever seen.
My daughter is better.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)

*Parent in my-child-is-talented-shocker*

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:20, Reply)

talented
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:20, Reply)

A mate of mine posted a pic on Faecebook yesterday
of her eldest child's first shit in a potty. I love her to bits, but that was not what I wanted to see first thing in the morning.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:26, Reply)

One of Mrs Cows mates posted a bath shit oh there
Really? Is that necessary. I was tempted to tag her in it
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:28, Reply)

I noes, rite?
If I wanted scat first thing in the morning, I'd go to Veronica Moser's website. At least that's got tits on it as well.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Bobby Roberts

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:11, Reply)

In the 50's a house was built with microwave emitters in the walls
When you gopt cold simply turn the house on and volila toasty warm. Of course whne you turned if off it got instatntly cold agijn as the microwaves were mearly agitating the molecules in your body.*

*may cause cancer
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Do you type with your elbows?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Ape, earlier.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:59, Reply)

I'm a victim of the Thamidolide scandal
I have to type with my claw and my face
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:00, Reply)

Today I have learned
that if something happens to you in 2009 but you can't prove it in 2011 that you shouldn't tell QOTW.
( Peej, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Allow me to refine
in 2009 but you can't prove it in 2011 that
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Have you been flamed?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:00, Reply)

You are Harry Hill AICMFree Punch
l r
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:05, Reply)

BADGERS!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Did you delete the thread? oh man you totally did *deducts marks*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:04, Reply)

I don't think I had any to deduct in the first place

( Peej, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Ssssh the elders state that nobody must talk of the deletion

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:07, Reply)

yeah
who would delete a thread because someone accused them of shagging piston, eh?

poor poor piston.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:10, Reply)

He's shagging Blue Star as well by all accounts, it's good that you're not the jealous type

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:13, Reply)

you have to give a fuck in the first place
before you can be jealous.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:19, Reply)

AWOOGA

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:23, Reply)

Elders being Monty-if-ever-proven-wrong-will-delete-all-evidence-because-he-is-a-cunt-like-that-Boyce?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:18, Reply)

I'm sensing some bitterness here...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:18, Reply)

I'm bitter all the time
But I don't appreciate someone who critises everyone on here for being wrong ALL THE TIME, then when he's wrong deletes everything
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:21, Reply)

*shakes head in despair of lost thread*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:08, Reply)

My favourite insult for a time
was the one shouted at Roy Chubby Brown when he was walking down the road with a woman on his arm. It was something like "Oi Chubby! Are you going to shag it or enter it in to crufts?"
( Peej, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:10, Reply)

I'd have made do with "Oi Chubby, you're an unfunny cunt" personally.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:12, Reply)

*unfunny racist cunt.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)

I like the come back from a Jo Brand gig
I member of the audiende is heckling her and eventually she says "Oh look we've got a comedien in the house" to which the heckler replies "We fucking wish!"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:14, Reply)

I learned that there are FREE DOUGHNUTS OUTSIDE!
We have boxes and boxes of them in the office now. I arranged an errand, and it would seem that some other staff members went and got some too...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:11, Reply)

It I was a major dugs company and wanted to test new medicine on people
but couldn't be assed to get approval, I would put it in doughnuts and give them out free
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)

Yeah
but free doughnuts
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:19, Reply)

You can be patient OOHSHINYSHINY

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:21, Reply)

I was born for the role
just like Bella
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:22, Reply)

Rolling of the Belles
If you type in "tolling of the bells" to google you get an animated gif for a masturbation technique
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:24, Reply)

Let's put drugs in doughnuts anyway

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:20, Reply)

JAM drugs
nomnomnomnomnom
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:22, Reply)

There's already a drug called Cake so you're half way there.
Although cake is a made up drug.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:27, Reply)

It's fuckin' disgustin'

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:28, Reply)

I was quite insulted when I got back yesterday.
First thing my mum said was "make yourself at home". Cheers mum, I think I will make myself at home in my own house.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:15, Reply)

It belongs to the Council Barry

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)

Were you so angry you stole her coat?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:16, Reply)

jacket*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:27, Reply)

No but she'll be wondering where some of her fancy dresses have gone when she gets back later.
I like to dress up. What?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:32, Reply)

*psssst Baz*
MASIVE?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 11:33, Reply)