Skills.
What are you totally awesome at? What do you want to do but utterly fail?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:18, 289 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Art.
I'd love to be able to put pen to paper and for the result to be 'wow' rather than 'hahahaha'.

Tis a fine morning weather wise, and I'm feeling fine.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:19, Reply)

That's something I probably could achieve with a little practice but I much prefer doodling to producing actual art.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:31, Reply)

This
I can do landscapes and possibly still life but not a great deal else. No doubt if I practised I'd get better, but again that would mean slogging away at something I wouldn't be very good at and I don't like doing that.
(berk, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:33, Reply)

Yeah, when it becomes effort I lose interest.
It's a bit like writing music - collaborating with someone keeps the motivation going but when I'm working on my own it's nowhere near as much fun.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:38, Reply)

Cake
and cooking to a lesser degree, but I don't think I've ever made a cake that's gone wrong, unless I've burnt it. See also: science.

It annoys me hugely that I am crap at the saxophone. I wouldn't say I fail utterly but I fail quite a lot, which means I never play mine and I never get better.
(berk, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:28, Reply)

*Sits on Lisa's bed holding the sax to my mouth*
Sax-e-mo-phone, Sax-e-mo-phooooone.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:29, Reply)

Technology, I seem to have some sort of magic touch or whatever, things just seem to work and make sense.
I think it's because my brain thinks differently to most people.

I still had to google a walkthrough for some bits on the Zelda game I'm currently playing though.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:28, Reply)

I fail keeping to times, completely, I don't think I've ever been early for anything in my entire life.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:30, Reply)

And organizing, I'm shit at that too.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:31, Reply)

Good at cooking, or more like, try my best, most of the time it comes out good, but a lot of the time I tell myself it's good to make myself feel better.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:32, Reply)

I'm good hearted, mostly. There are only a few people I 100% honestly want taken off the face of the planet....
... I mean, so they're in space, so they can't breath, and all the air rushes out their bodies until they explode in agony.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:33, Reply)

Which game are you playing?
Phantom Hourglass?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:39, Reply)

Yup, that one mostly, I've also got
- Jamie Oliver Cooking Something (shit, the iPhone app is better)
- Quit Smoking You Twat by Darren Brown (haven't tried yet)
- AceKard 2i (I need to buy something to get it working first)
- Super Dooper Street Fighter 4 3D Edition (it's alright I suppose, the 3D is ace, but playing on the small machine isn't as good)
- PilotWings (haven't played it that much, but it's the most fun 3DS game yet)
- StreetPass (yay for being in london, I've meet 3 other people and am about half way through the hidden RPG game).
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:48, Reply)

Phantom Hourglass is one of the best games I've ever played, full stop.
I've completed it twice, even getting Poppet hooked on it when she was here. Also: do you want Chinatown Wars? Gaz me your addy and I'll post it to you sometime.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:50, Reply)

And I LOVE Phantom Hourglass.
I wanna finish my game that's saved on there...
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:17, Reply)

Sweet ! Thanks, but I don't really enjoy the GTA games, thanks though =)
Spirit Tracks and Leyton games are up next, and hopefully when they're all done, Zelda: OoT will be out =D
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:55, Reply)

people
I'd love to be less internet autistic and meet real people in real life


**Edit**
I am visiting "the land of gold and poison that beckons to us all" this weekend anyone fancy a pint on Sunday in EC1
(CheatingRabbit, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:29, Reply)

I hope that doesn't happen.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:30, Reply)

We missed you al.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:32, Reply)

Get yourself to a bash then
meet internet autisms, but in real life. Best of both worlds.
(berk, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:31, Reply)

*shudders*

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:34, Reply)

I work in EC1 followed by a letter, but I don't work on a weekend.
Tell me more about you to entice us to want to meet you; do you happen perchance to be Nancy From Hollyoaks ? Maybe you could be Sophie Dahl ? I don't know, could be.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:34, Reply)

I can't be sure, but as chompy hasn't been all over this one I think that's a dude.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:37, Reply)

"Me and MrsRabbit got married"

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:38, Reply)

LESBIANS!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:38, Reply)

Oh damn, I can't complete with a Rabbit, not even a cheap chinese knock-off version without the two little antener things at the base.
=(
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:40, Reply)

Cheer up Gonz there'll be other n00bs to pester for sex

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:42, Reply)

Yeah, that Rory Lyon looks like a dirty goer

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:46, Reply)

I'm proper filth me

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:48, Reply)

Gonz, its over to you

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:48, Reply)

Agnostic Antichrist or whatever his name is, is probably hanging around farringdon station* now waiting for sunday like an over enphusiastic Apple Product fanboy.


* the station for EC1
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:50, Reply)

*checks*
Nope, I'm still in Macc
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:57, Reply)

waiting for newbie tuesday?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:00, Reply)

Noooooo...
*looks round suspiciously*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:22, Reply)

"Fancy meeting YOU here, I was just on my way to Subway..... erm can I pat your fanny, please???? I'll leave you alone then, I swear down, just the once, go on you'll like it, Bella lets me do it like ALL the time, oh Jesus I'm so lonely and afraid......"

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:00, Reply)

Awooga

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:01, Reply)

WHAT A RUSH

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:03, Reply)

BUSTED

(CheatingRabbit, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:47, Reply)

Wow!
Are you the eyebrow one, the 4 year old one or the other weird looking one?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:48, Reply)

Is the username blue or purple on his computer? You can tell via that.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:38, Reply)

Hahaha!
Nice one
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:39, Reply)

Another NMA fan?
welcome my friend.....
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 11:39, Reply)

I'd love to be good at music
to play an instrument really well or be able to sing. I'd also like some topnotch nuclear physics skills please.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:35, Reply)

I appear to be good at my job
and doing without sleep. Do they count?

I want to be a better Dad
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:36, Reply)

I appear to be good at not being missed when I disappear off the internet for a few days : (
I am very good at drawing.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:40, Reply)

We missed you bgb.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:41, Reply)

Lies on the internet.
Btw tell Jeff I'm not speaking to him.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:45, Reply)

Jeff, Blousie's not speaking to you
Where have you been, darling?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:48, Reply)

I wondered yesterday where both you and al were.
I thought there might have been some gossip involved and started to write out some rather rude fanfic about the pair of you in a hot tub with a massive pack of Dunkin' Donuts, but I had to stop as I couldn't bring myself to picture al naked.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:49, Reply)

I was really down so I stayed away for a bit. Plus I was busy at work so that helped.

( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:52, Reply)

What were you down about?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:57, Reply)

Just generally feeling shit but I'm ok now, hence my reappearance.

( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:58, Reply)

Well that deserves a yay
YAY!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:01, Reply)

A couple goes to a sex theorpist and says "Doc, you need to help us, our sexlife is in tatters, the very thought of doing those things makes us phsyicly ill...
... I don't know what to do !"
So the theropist says "On the way home, get some grapes and a dougnut, then when you get home, get her to ley down with her legs shut, and put a grape an inch apart going from her knee up to her vagina, and eat them all up. Then, when you're done, it's his turn. Lay down and put a doughnut around your errect member and get her to eat it all up."

Well, they do so, and they have the best sex of their lives, better than their wedding night !

So they were talking a friend couple about this theorpist and say "You have to go see him, he'll help you out". And off the went.

"Ok, I'm not a usual sex theoropist, first I will have to examine you, and if I feel I can't help, no charge". The sex theoropist examines them one by one and says "Sorry I can't help.". "But why can't you help? We're desporate to try anything, please, we'll pay anyway, even if it doesn't work."

So the theopist says "Ok, on the way home, pick up an apple and a box of cherios....".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:59, Reply)

*snorts*

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:02, Reply)

Al gets some new cowboy boots, he's so proud of these boots, he loves them. So off he goes home and says to his wife
"So, see anything new?" and she says "Nope". He goes into the other room, strips down completely naked except for the boots, and says "So, notice anything new?".
She goes "Nope, it's still pointing down", and this is when he sees his moment, he announces to his wife "Yeah', but it's pointing at my new shoes! ". So the wife replies "I wish you bought a new hat instead".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:11, Reply)

A rabbi, a priest and an Imram are at a function about inter-faith issues.
They have all managed to knock down racisism, and restore the local children's playground together. A women with a tray of martinis walks past and the priest takes one and says "Brothers, will you join me in a drink to a continued relationship between our congrigations?" and takes a glass.
The Rabbi goes "Sure, why not?" and takes a glass.
The Imram then goes "Drink alchole? I would rather commit adultery than let that poison cross my lips".
It was then then the Rabbi puts his drink done and says "Sorry, I didn't realise we had a choice".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Hahaha!

( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:02, Reply)

to picture al naked off
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:22, Reply)

Of course we all missed you!
Post us a drawing on here please
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:45, Reply)

I haven't drawn anything for ages.....that is the sad part.

( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:53, Reply)

Do you have anything older to post?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:56, Reply)

The only stuff I have is from art school and it's on slides.

( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:57, Reply)

Aww!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:59, Reply)

I'd like to be better at dancing
Not that I fail at it, but I'd like to be as good as Ms Foxtrot so I don't feel like I'm holding her back.

I'd also like to be able to sing. At all. Also: seeing things without the aid of contact lenses or glasses.

I'm pretty awesome at storing useless trivia in my brain, but I think I may have mentioned that before
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:47, Reply)

I don't think I'd like to be better at dancing, I'm pretty useless so I just don't do it.
I prefer leaning against the bar and watching the world go by. I'm aware that probably makes me look like a creepy sex pest though.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:49, Reply)

I'm firmly of the opinion that dancing is something you have to love to get good at
Which is my excuse for not persevering with styles of dance I don't enjoy; eg Ballet (fucking, FUCKING difficult unless you've done it from an early age), Salsa (not really a dance, just wiggling) and contemporary (just fuck off)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:53, Reply)

Mrs Cow wanted to learn to dance so we went to classes a few years ago
Conclusion: We cannot dance, even with instruction
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:50, Reply)

What kind of classes?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:53, Reply)

Just generic ballroom stuff
Tango, waltz, etc
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:56, Reply)

Nobody realises until they do it that Ballroom is bloody difficult
It's stupidly technical, you can't let your brain turn off for a minute. Nobody gets good at it quickly. Ms Foxtrot does private lessons for couples who want to learn the basics. Bus fare might be pricey though.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:59, Reply)

It was £5 per lesson each and the school was supposed to be very good
The reason I work with computers is because I am a spaz when it comes to manual stuff. This would seem to include dancing
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:00, Reply)

More money in computers than dancing anyway
Unless you're really fucking good at dancing, in which case it can be extremely lucrative and comes with added Cheryl Cole.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Does she ever get molested during these "private sessions"?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:07, Reply)

I highly doubt it
The woman's disapproving stare could cut through glass at thirty paces
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:11, Reply)

SHE MIGHT LIKE IT

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Good point
Tell you what, I'll spend all day worrying about it.

*frets*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:15, Reply)

Not being a 12-year-old girl from Los Angeles,
I don't consider myself 'totally awesome' at anything.

I would say I am above average at musical stuff, drawing, knowing shit, I’m told I am very good with people and language too. I am utterly, hopelessly shit at making money and managing it. I HAVE to deal with this.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:56, Reply)

You are totally awesome at being a misanthropic old wankbag most of the time.
Something something sage advice...
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:57, Reply)

I wish I could offer you some sage advice on this last point
However my moneymaking endeavours extend as far as offering you the contestant application line phone number for the BBC.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:57, Reply)

I have tried my best in sage advice regarding money matters too

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:58, Reply)

It was good stuff, but too late for me, son...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:02, Reply)

Worth a try though, eh?
Anyting good occuring with the financial planning?

EDIT:

Apologies for the Sun link but Monty's borthday is sorted now

www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3512851/Bakers-cakes-leave-a-Nazi-taste.html
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:03, Reply)

Hopefully.
No one will approve so I am going to be somewhat taciturn about it, though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:07, Reply)

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1371091/Swansea-house-looks-like-Hitler-complete-naff-parting.html
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:31, Reply)

It really doesn't look like Hitler does it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:32, Reply)

it did when I saw it on tv last night when I was stoned

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:37, Reply)

You know what you have to do Monty, it's just doing it that's the hard part.
Good luck!
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 8:59, Reply)

No I really, really don't. What do I have to do?
Seriously.

(welcome back, my dear)
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:03, Reply)

You need to become a shut-in, sever all contact with the outside world, except the internet of course
Chop all those cards up too
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:05, Reply)

And stop chopping stuff up with them too.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:07, Reply)

Well yeah perhaps binning MD's off would assist
It happens to the best of us at some point
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:08, Reply)

I wouldn't know what to do with myself, seriously.
I've been hammering it since I was about 14, so literally all my adult life. I think I'd be utterly, utterly bereft. Or a terminal alcoholic.

I'd have to ditch every single friend I've ever had, too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Nonsense
You'd still have us!

/worst silver lining ever
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:22, Reply)

*buys kilo of smack*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:22, Reply)

Just out of interest,
are there any drugs you haven't tried or have absolutely no regard for? Apart from speed. Obviously.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:24, Reply)

I've never tried ayahuasca - that's top of my to-do list.
I have tried ketamine twice and hated it. I'm scared of opiates because they're lovely but speed is the most 'not for me' drug out there. I reckon crystal meth would be funny though - a pal of mine did loads of it and went to a strip club in Las Vegas and left 24 hours and about five grand later.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:28, Reply)

It sounds to me like crystal meth is absolutely the last thing you should ever do
but I will concede that sounds like a fucking good laugh. I've no idea what ayahuasca is. I'm one of those deeply crap drug-takers who found a favourite and stuck rigidly to it for ten years.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:30, Reply)

If I ever win the lottery
I'll take you to a desert island for 6 months with no alcohol, drugs or tobacco.

I've always fancied doing that.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Most people would love to maroon me on a desert island.
There's a queue, you know.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:25, Reply)

I'd be there too!

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:48, Reply)

HimJim and Monty sitting in a palm tree
B-U-M-M-I-N-G
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Then get treatment for addiction.

( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:24, Reply)

:((((((((((

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Dunno it's not like he's hopelessly addicted, it's an integral part of his life though
It's about staying away from places and people. There's also little point in replacing it with alcohol *Taps nose*
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:37, Reply)

This last point is especially true
You won't save any money, but it will make you fat. *Taps stomach*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:43, Reply)

*septum drops onto table*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:43, Reply)

If you can't stop doing something then it's an addiction.
He's a functioning addict and only that because of his constitution. I know how hard it can be. I've been there and I'm not being trite about it.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Monty! you've had a good time for a good chunk of your life.
Now it's time to start a new part of your life.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Monty is scared that without drugs he wouldn't be able to laugh off the fact he's a bitter old man with only other bitter old men for friends
He might start appreciating his girlfriend more though.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:48, Reply)

I'm a bitter old woman and I get by without MDs.
It can be done.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:54, Reply)

Yeah but you're totally lovely

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:54, Reply)

: )

( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Cut down the spending and up your debt repayments. Sell stuff if you have to.
You're not going to fix this overnight.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:11, Reply)

Sage advice?
Mix it with onion and breadcrumbs for a delicious stuffing.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:22, Reply)

Leave the internet, there's a dear.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:24, Reply)

I'm pretty good at building PCs, and teaching others how to
Then again, that's seriously simple once you've done it once, so not particularly impressive.

I'm good at quizzes, as I have the ability to retain useless shite in my brain.

I'd like to be able to sing, as I'm fucking dire at it. I'd like even the confidence to have a laugh at being a shit singer, but as soon as I hear my voice actually coming through speakers, I go incredibly quiet, and sound even more foolish.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:00, Reply)

Oh yeah, that reminds me
According to AA's FB picture game last night, I am good enough at oral sex to teach a class
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:17, Reply)

According to that I have to ignore legal niceties to save my home and family
which is worrying.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:27, Reply)

I don't think performing oral sex on a blow-up doll is illegal per se
Pointless, certainly, but not illegal
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:34, Reply)

I'm pretty damn good at FPS computer games
on consoles. So much so that I was considering entering the paying tournaments for a living. I decided a mortgage would be more fun.

My sense of rhythm is appalling, I always go out of beat or out of step when playing an instrument or dancing. Kills me :(
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:02, Reply)

Making things. I'm pretty good at creative stuff. I wish I could understand maths and science more easily. I get it after a while but it doesn't just appear simple to me like language and stuff does. I can write essays on literature in under an hour but when it comes to working out stuff with pi I really have to stop and think.

I'm also pretty good at pole dancing but you knew that already.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:02, Reply)

Yes Al, we know you're fat
+e
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:05, Reply)

I probably eat the same amount as al but being a douchebag online doesn't burn as many calories as actually exercising
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:20, Reply)

It doesn't?
Fuck... is this why I'm still not sexy?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:21, Reply)

I wish I understood science and maths too.
I'd be a string theory expert.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:05, Reply)

Yorkshire stereotypinglols
theory vest
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:12, Reply)

If I find something interesting I'm usually good at it but science only gets interesting once you've done the boring bits
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Science is just magic made boring

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:21, Reply)

That is a superb little phrase.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:24, Reply)

I can back it up too
For example. You're in the kitchen. You mix eggs, flour, milk, baking powder and I don't know, whatever else in a tin, and put it in the oven for twenty minutes. Then a fucking CAKE comes out! Science my arse, that is categorically magic.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:27, Reply)

emulsification of fat and sugar traps tiny air bubbles
these expand and stretch the gluten in the flour as the cake rises. The protein from the egg turns from liquid to solid and stabilises the bubbles. Finally the Maillard reaction of sugars and proteins browns the cake. Am I spoiling it for you?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:33, Reply)

You possibly could
but luckily I don't know what half of those words mean so can continue to exist in a state of blissful ignorance and magic cake
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Not for me. Cake's fucking shit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:36, Reply)

It's a fookin disgrace

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Hahaha
Good work there
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:41, Reply)

One young kiddie on Cake cried all the water out of his body. Just imagine how his mother felt. It's a fookin' disgrace
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:41, Reply)

Cake isn't fun anymore. You've ruined my business. I hope you're happy
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:36, Reply)

haha. I made a fucking AWESOME chocolate cake yesterday.
that's really awesome in the Monty sense, not in the teenage surfer sense.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Cake ruins lives
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:44, Reply)

It affects a part of the brain called "Shatner's Bassoon" which deals with time perception

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:49, Reply)

haha, what utter arse.
Magic is just science for toddlers.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Bollocks is it
Gandalf was properly old and he was like, WELL magic
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:28, Reply)

pssst. He's not real.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Hahaha, yeah alright
Next you'll be telling me that Star Wars didn't ACTUALLY happen, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:31, Reply)

OK.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:43, Reply)

innit

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:31, Reply)

It's less interesting than it sounds.
Although I'm not in any way an expert. Maybe it gets better if you are.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:28, Reply)

I'm totally awesome at like, drawing and stuff.
I wish I should be great at .... actually... I can't think of anything. I'm happy with what I can do. I'm sure I'll think of something later.
OH. Sports. I wish I was good at a sport. Any sport. Then people wouldn't think about how fucking cack-handedly clumsy I am.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:07, Reply)

You are indeed.
I treasure the portrait you did of my little'un. Best 'rent' payment EVARR.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:37, Reply)

:D
you're more then welcome, thinking about selling some of my art....
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:48, Reply)

I'm awesome at everything

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:10, Reply)

Truefax!

( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:18, Reply)

WOOOO I'm counting down to BGB BASHAGE!

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:28, Reply)

*sadface*

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Are you sad because I'm going, or because you're not?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Because I'm not

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:30, Reply)

i just need LiC to drop out as well then it will just be all awesome people.
Oh and maybe Lampito
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:32, Reply)

A bash without Cockneck?!
What'd be the fun of that?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:33, Reply)

He's claiming he won't break anything or pass out this year

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Pfft
Yeah right.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:36, Reply)

I'm taking a marker pen just in case

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:40, Reply)

I'll take a can of spraypaint
and write "who's laughing now?" across your arse when you pass out.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Me either mate
Thereby making the possibility of football chat at said bash significantly less likely. We're just doing our bit for everyone else's enjoyment.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Last time I had to turn off the TENNIS because people wanted to watch DOCTOR WHO
I was most annoyed
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:35, Reply)

We did get to watch an awesome Grand Prix the next day though

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Oh yeah where Webber went flying, literally

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Those red shells really are bastards
I'm still not sure how they overcame the rape problem either...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:37, Reply)

By locking Chompy up?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:38, Reply)

I think he was in disguise that day...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:41, Reply)

Hang about
You were at a B3ta bash, and didn't see that coming?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:42, Reply)

I don't know when Doctor Who is on

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:44, Reply)

You are a rare and beautiful flower

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:54, Reply)

I would love to be able to contradict this
but all evidence presented to me so far suggests you are correct.
( Peej, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:20, Reply)

I've never seen your high-wire act
but look forward to doing so at the next bash, over a busy London street.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Oh Mr Grumpy! *pinches cheeks*
Aren't you just the cutest little grumpy bear! Yes you are! Yes you are!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:48, Reply)

While juggling burning chainsaws

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:28, Reply)

this is 100% TRUTH.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:30, Reply)

OH HAI BADGER!
How's you? You seem to be on here more now, addict. As long as people don't start calling you their favourite badger I'll be fine :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:32, Reply)

BADGER FIGHT

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Aww I wouldn't fight MB
Mainly because I have met him and pretty sure I'd lose that one
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:34, Reply)

I thought you meant me then
Stupid reality
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Massive Bummer?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:38, Reply)

How many times?
In PRIVATE!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Especially as I've never met you

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:39, Reply)

I've only met one B3tan to date
It'll be two in June!

I thought my initials were common knowledge anyway.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Who are you meeting in June?
Someone shit?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:42, Reply)

One Labia Majora of this parish
We're going to see CombiChrist in Leamington Spa. Which may be the fastest any sentence has ever gone from one end of the cool scale to the other.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:45, Reply)

so in answer to my second question
Yes
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Well that's not very nice
but then, you have met him, and I haven't.

*prepares cunning disguise*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:53, Reply)

badgers only fight in jelly, though.
or so I keep being told.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Oh man I am still really full form the half tonne of popcorn I ate last night
I don't think I could face jelly
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:37, Reply)

damn
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Maybe at the weekend

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:39, Reply)

score.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:43, Reply)

Meh. depends on work

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:36, Reply)

I am awesome at building custom PC's and laptops and fixing broken PC's and laptops
I utterly fail at playing piano despite trying to learn for about 4 years.
( Peej, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:17, Reply)

I'd like to be better at skiing deep powder
But it's a bit expensive to keep practising.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:26, Reply)

Get a lot of that on Scottish slopes?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:28, Reply)

let me think about this ..
no. You do occasionally get some good off-piste, but off-piste in scotland is rather like costantly poking a tiger with a stick. Sooner or later you're going to lose a limb.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:30, Reply)

I have only been up to Aviemore
once and that was for crosscountry stuff. The snow was pretty deep though.

Stick to the helicopter drops in the Rockies.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Alaska is where it's at this winter, baby.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:34, Reply)

Oh I'm excellent at that.
ssnnnfnnfnfnfnffffffff
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:39, Reply)

I hope you're carrying your avalance kit.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:42, Reply)

I am good at my job as I can deal with people quite well.
And I can cook.

But I am shit with money and emotionally quite selfish.

Oooh, self analysis, don't like that.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:28, Reply)

I don't want to worry or upset you, but having re-read this post a couple of times I can only draw one conclusion
You are me AICMFP
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:29, Reply)

I suspect it may
ring true with a few.

Hence why we are chatting and NOT GETTING ON WITH SOME FUCKING WORK.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:31, Reply)

That sounded suspiciously like a bollocking
You're not the boss of me!

(You're not, are you? Cos I can't see my boss' screen from here, so you might be)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Haha.
No.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Thank fuck
In that case; shan't
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:37, Reply)

That would be hilarious
You'd either become best friends or never be able to look at one another again.

Or, you would get laughed at even more Darth.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:34, Reply)

I'm pretty sure I passed the event horizon for being laughed at
quite some time ago
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:37, Reply)

Nice choice of phrase

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:50, Reply)

That should be your sig.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:51, Reply)

I'll need to trim it down a bit
but I absolutely agree
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:52, Reply)

'passed the event horizon for being laughed at' would do, no?
You are inviting trouble witht that, though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:58, Reply)

I guess we'll find out whether I'm right then, won't we?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:05, Reply)

I am
Get some fucking work done, you two. And get the fucking coffee on. And a cake
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:34, Reply)

Yes guv!
*doffs cap*
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:37, Reply)

I'm still waiting......

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:38, Reply)

No you're not
Although you do have the same first name as my boss, he is utterly hopeless with women and has no children.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:38, Reply)

No one has ever actually
seen any evidence Cow isnn't making his "family" up
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:43, Reply)

Lusty and I took him to Tayyabs
He's the epitome of 'internet fantasist'.

*does 'cuckoo' hand motion*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Hahahah!
First LOL of the day
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:46, Reply)

I have
Unless he's so desperate to cling to this perpetration of family that he sneaks into hospitals and gets people to take pictures of him cradling a newborn baby and its mother
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Those photos
cost me a lot of money to fake setup
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:50, Reply)

That sounds like Sportscow alright.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:50, Reply)

Damn!
Outed
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Ironically, I am a 16 year old girl
pretending to be a married man
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:47, Reply)

I fucking love irony.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:49, Reply)

Are you actually the 16 year old girl in said baby photos?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Yes
except she was 19 in those photos
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:53, Reply)

*buys flowers*
Busy tonight?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:58, Reply)

haha!
Mrs Cow's daughter would tear you a new arse!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:58, Reply)

That is very obviously exactly what I am looking for in a woman
This one's extremely well-used
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:04, Reply)

chortle

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:05, Reply)

I take it your stepdaughter is terrifying then

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:09, Reply)

No, she is lovely really

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:10, Reply)

I see
And is she busy tonight?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Let's face it
no-one's going to want the old one, the state it's in.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:05, Reply)

I am utterly hopeless with women though!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Your marriage says otherwise.

( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Occasionally I do well

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:10, Reply)

I'm good at manly stuff and bad at girly stuff
but that's OK because that's what girls are for.
( Kroney, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:48, Reply)

I am shit
at DIY and stuff.

Can you fix your own car?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:50, Reply)

Yeah, the reasonably simple stuff.
I don't have decent garage space, so there's no point investing in the requisite tools for the larger jobs. I'm of the opinion that if you're going to use something every day, you really ought to know how to maintain it.
( Kroney, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:52, Reply)

You're lucky.
What MB said below.

I can barely wire a plug. I changed a full light fitting a couple of weekends back and fitted a new shade and whatnot. I did it but it took me look 2.5 hours. I was telling my mate when he came round about it. He laughed his arse off when I told him about it, reckons it should have taken me 20 minutes.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Better safe than sorry
It took me ages to change the lights in our house too. Electricity is like magic string for me. I understand the concept but I'm sure there are pixies involved
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:00, Reply)

It's just practice, really.
If you pay attention to what you're taking apart, there's no reason why it shouldn't be just as simple to put it back together again.
( Kroney, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Last time I wired a light fitting
I electrocuted myself pretty badly.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Me too. Fucking hopeless.
When I was a boy we had maintenance people who did all DIY stuff for us so I never learnt a fucking thing from my father. So it's his fault.

My brother is superb. Ten years as a squatter does that to a man.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:53, Reply)

I am improving over the years at DIY stuff
I am fucking brilliant at improvising fixes though. I built a bookshelf using only a garlic press once
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Course you did, old boy.

Course you did.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:56, Reply)

'tis true!
My finest DIY moment. Bought a fucking Ikea jobbie and went back to my flat only to find I had no hammer and the shops were shut
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Did I ever tell you about the time Sean Connery helped me with my DIY?
He was fucking rubbish at it. He looked at the wonky wall mounts he'd put together and said "I am ashamed of myshelf".
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:01, Reply)

And sho you should be.

( Kroney, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Should, certainly
Not though. I love that joke, cheap and crap as I am aware it is
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:03, Reply)

it is I am.

Morning, Nemesis. How's you?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Cheap and crap
Congratulations darling, you've hammered my nail on its head. I'm just going to give you a minute to savour that mental image.

And your good self?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Please find enclosed your first LTI

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Bless you, work firewall
I have no idea what that is
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:03, Reply)

An angry baby with a LTI caption

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Can't see it; doesn't count

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:24, Reply)

( Peej, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:05, Reply)

Hahaha!
The puns buuuuuuuurrrrrn
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Was that back when you were an RAF doctor?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Yeah
Just before I went to the ballet or some such fantasy
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:06, Reply)

This is fairly similar to the reason I can't cook
Not living at home, I didn't have my mummy to teach me. And my school was a high-falutin' grammar school that didn't go in for that domestic skills shite.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Once again we are in accord
My brain stores the wrong type of information. I can tell you which films won what at the Oscars but not how to rewire a plug
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:02, Reply)

See I don't understand this.
You put the wires in the same place as they were on the old one. I genuinely don't understand what's so hard about that.
( Kroney, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:14, Reply)

OK that was a bad example
As you say, it's a fairly straightforward matter. I suppose what I should have said is that I wouldn't know where the wires would go without an example to hand.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:17, Reply)

*giggles*

( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:50, Reply)

*pats bottom*

( Kroney, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:52, Reply)

I learned that the hard way the other day.
After a trip to the minor injuries department to have my hand stitched up I vowed never to wash up again.
( Peej, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:52, Reply)

You see? Girly hands are more delicate. Easier to manouevre through narrow gaps
between stabby, steely knives.
( Kroney, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:54, Reply)

This time it was a glass that split in to two pieces resulting in this
www.b3tards.com/u/98480917b02b1414508e/dsc01562.jpg
( Peej, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Warm milk?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:04, Reply)

???

( Peej, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Just because you've cut your hand doesn't mean the milk can sit out of the fridge

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Ahhhh
Those are empties, I rinse before I put them in the recycling so they don't stink.
( Peej, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:14, Reply)

ewwwww ewwwww ewwwww ewwwwwww ewwwwwwwwwww!
*bokes*

One word, man: dishwasher!
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Leave it to the experts, eh?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 9:54, Reply)

She's good at cleaning and making babies,
and I'm good at drinking and taking the lids off jars. Seems fair to me.
( Peej, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:02, Reply)

I'm great at
Picking the questions when there're already more than 200 answers. Every day this week it's been the same...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:00, Reply)

I know what you mean... I do that too.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Oh, thank goodness
I thought it was just me.

Buenas Dias, Aber. Qué tal?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:07, Reply)

I seem to a bit Rain Man with languages. They come spectacularly easily to me, and I really can't understand why people don't get them
Also, though the above may suggest otherwise, I am a very good teacher. I display a patience I do not afford to my nearest and dearest. Or anyone else, in fact.

Alt: I can't sing a fucking note. Doesn't stop me, though. I sing along all day at home, and I seriously couldn't carry a tune if it came in a bucket with a handle.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:06, Reply)