This work lark is rather tedious
I might kill myself and I've only been here thirteen minutes. The upside is it's my aunt's office so I might wheel around on my chair butt naked whilst screaming "LONG LIVE NEPOTISM!" if it gets any worse.

I can't wait to start my placement at Ogilvy in a few weeks. What can't you wait for?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:13, 225 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Which Ogilvy office will you be in?

(McChinaman banned, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Canary Wharf.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:02, Reply)

I hope you don't say London, I mean how obvious would that be.

(McChinaman banned, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Well don't I look stupid
I work for similar company in Beijing, that's why I was asking.
(McChinaman banned, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:14, Reply)

I am on the road to Chompsville today
In that I have 6 months worth of support incidents from 2011 and 2010 to analyse and write a report about. Excel FTzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Fuck.
I hate Excel. It's boring and makes my eyes go square. And I still have trouble with vlookups and pivot tables.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:31, Reply)

I quite like Excel
It's a very useful and flexible tool if you know what you're doing. On the flipside I can't stand Word, but that's probably because I don't know what I'm doing and Word seems to like to do too much of the thinking for me.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Word is a piece of piss compared to Excel.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:37, Reply)

I disagree, it's far more difficult to personalise IMHO

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:39, Reply)

I use Excel 2003, I'm very comfortable with it, and the way it works.
Unfortunately, for certain aspects of my job, I have to swap machines and use Excel 2010. I'm still not certain on it, but I really really do not like the Printing function in it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Leeds Festival
And am I right in assuming that Darth flounced?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:27, Reply)

I hope not

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:28, Reply)

What actually happened?
I understand Kristine commented on his girlfriend's appearance, but that's about it.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Not a clue!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:31, Reply)

No I haven't
I'm just not in the mood, I feel like hell
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:37, Reply)

Alright fella?
If it helps, you can laugh at Sunderland's new star players?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:38, Reply)

I assume you mean the Man U rejects
Wickham and Westwood will prove good signings I reckon though. You alright today mate?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:41, Reply)

Aye, not too bad thanks, had to delay the trip to tonight though

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:43, Reply)

Sonisphere was good I take it?
A mate of mine texted me from there in an attempt to make me jealous, which would have worked had he not cited Biffy Clyro.

Hope tonight goes alright mate. You know where I am
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Aye, absolutely superb
Biffy were excellent, but I didn't enjoy them, due to being piss wet through, and cold.

I stuck a full review online - justpaste.it/Sonisphere2011AA - it's worth a read if you've got a few mins
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Is it going to fill me with bitterness and resentment?
Cos I think I have enough of that to be going on with
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Not too much, there's a fair few injuries to me in there

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Oh I'll fire it up right now then
;-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:08, Reply)

I think Sunderland have bought well!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:45, Reply)

They've bought ridiculously well.
All the players they've brought in cost the same as Henderson. Wes Brown is a fantastic and stupidly underrated defender.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:50, Reply)

I think that there is still £7m to spend to break even from Bent and Henderson
i.e. we are in profit!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:54, Reply)

The benefits of getting other teams to pay Young English Player Tax
£20m for Jordan Henderson. I bet Niall Quinn's still pissing himself over that
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Just please let us have Malbranque back.
I can't put into words how much I love the man.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:03, Reply)

He is available

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Better than Forest thus far
You still need a really top-notch striker though. Same as us then.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:53, Reply)

Would that be because you kicked off in flamboyant citrus style
at someone whom really didn't deserve it?

That'd make me feel pretty crappy, too.
( Kroney, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:41, Reply)

I really don't see how this concerns you
I feel like hell because of the Labyrinthitis, as you asked.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:41, Reply)

Labryinthitis?
You danced the magic dance?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:44, Reply)

His trousers were too tight
and they've knackered his knackers. Common complaint amongst the good with colours crowd.
( Kroney, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:45, Reply)

And now I have "dance magic dance" going around and around my head.
My brain has become at least 30% gayer thanks to you, Luggage.
( Kroney, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Bwahahaha...
And for your next track...

Ooh eee ooh ah ah ting tang wallah wallah bing bang
Ooh eee ooh ah ah ting tang wallah wallah bing bang
Ooh eee ooh ah ah ting tang wallah wallah bing bang
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:50, Reply)

Hahahah you cunt, Luggers

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Di di dadada

( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:53, Reply)

I don't know what's more annoying
That the song is now in my head or that I got it from that reference in the first place
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Oh, you twat.

( Kroney, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:57, Reply)

And next up in your "Oh God, get out of my head you cunt of a song playlist", we have...
Boom boom boom boom! I want you in my room!
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:05, Reply)

Yo back up now and give a brother room
The fuse is lit and I'm about to go boom,
Mercy, mercy, mercy me
My life is a cage but on stage I'm free
Hiked up, psyched up, ready for wilin'
Standing in a crowd of girls like an island
I see the one I want and say "come here, cutie"
I flip her around and then I WORK THAT BOOTY

You're welcome
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Work the body, work work the body
Slow down girl, you're 'bout to hurt somebody
Oh and yo let's get just one thing clear
There's only one reason why I came here

You really done want me to tig-a-tig-a-tig-a tell ya wassup (go)
You really done want me to tig-a-tig-a-tig-a tell ya wassup (go)
You really done want me to tig-a-tig-a-tig-a tell ya wassup (go)
I came here tonight to hear the crowd go

Boom! shake-shake-shake the room
Boom! shake-shake-shake the room
Boom! shake-shake-shake the room
Tick-tick-tick-tick Boom!
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:25, Reply)

You so looked that up

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Nope.
Typed (worryingly) from memory.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Even the "tig-a" bits?
I stopped when I did because I didn't feel able to transcribe that!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Ok, well I clarified those bits
But the rest, from memory. If I can find a way of using this power for good...

I could be...

MEMORY MAN!!
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:54, Reply)

or Bert.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:56, Reply)

You can use this skill for financial gain, you know
There's this quiz show called "The Weakest Link", right...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:01, Reply)

I cannot use my powers for personal gain.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:08, Reply)

Good
Stay off my turf
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:16, Reply)

Yeah
Apparently messing with the power of voodoo (who do?) causes you to grow a massive blonde mullet and recruit an army of unconvincing goblins. And be really fucking dizzy all the time.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Hahah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:50, Reply)

The worst kind of 'goblins'

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:50, Reply)

If indeed they are goblins

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Public domain, old boy
yell in public and everyone looks around.
( Kroney, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:44, Reply)

The turd-freezer has a point Darth.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Granted
Am snappy and irritable at the moment and have apologised to K. However I've had quite enough of reading other people's opinions about me and my better half this morning, so am politely asking you not to.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:49, Reply)

Actually, I think your other half is quite fit, if that helps.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Cheers
That's something else we agree on
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:02, Reply)

I saw some pretty boy celebrity on the front page of some film magazine yesterday
and thought he looked a lot like you.

I mean it as a compliment though. Oh and it wasn't GT.
( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Haha, cheers mate
Anyone I'd have heard of?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Probably
I just have no idea who it was and I wasn't going to pick up a magazine in Tesco to find out, I had steaks to buy!
( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:01, Reply)

There's not much arguing with that

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Fair enough.
I'm not really having a go at you, Darth. And I wasn't about to start on your missus, neither.
( Kroney, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:53, Reply)

That is a whole different argument!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Note to all concerned
I am not saying I would start on her because she looks 12. I am not FreeFair.
( Kroney, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Apologies for snapping at you sir
Am doing it a lot lately, and not just online
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:56, Reply)

You're pregnant.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:58, Reply)

That would explain a lot
It also means I can give up this preposterous "jogging" malarky in an attempt to shift my gut
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:07, Reply)

If it helps at all, I would still totally do your misses. Like, whatever she wanted, she could sit on the tumble dryer while I get my spin-cycle on if she wants.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:12, Reply)

That's the second girl I've seen you make that offer to in two days, Gonz.
You're such a philanthropist. Have you considered working for a charity?
( Kroney, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I'm not sure what a Philanthropist is, isn't that what Russ From Friends was? Like, someone who studies dinosaurs?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:19, Reply)

No, that's a paeleontologist.
I didn't mean philatelist either, that's stamps.

A philanthropist is someone who gives and gives and gives, Gonz.
( Kroney, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Dictionary corner
Origin: mid 18th century: from Greek philanthrôpos, from philein 'to love' + anthrôpos 'human being'
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:26, Reply)

I'm such a hero, in that respect.
I'm supprised more people don't worship the ground I walk on.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:33, Reply)

I was just going to say that!
Gonz, you made that same offer to me!
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:23, Reply)

It's an open invitation, but to make you feel special, I mean it even more for you than anyone else.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:31, Reply)

That hardly chimes with your comments about her in the last thread

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Chill out, I don't even know her, I haven't seen a picture of her in yonks and aside being blond, I can't remember what she looks like.
I think this is the case for everyone. If you keep on and on about how you're punching above your own weight, then as much as you think it's deprimental to you; it is to her too. Like she has no self-worth and will settle for just anyone. Plus this is b3ta, sure, you'll get some sympathy, but you'll get people taking the piss too. You're the one who has to see her every day or whatever, and you're the one who's happy with that, so it doesn't matter what anyone else says.

Thank you very much from me and the crew, a big thank you to the audiance and the wonderful people at home, and a big thank you to you. I'm Pauly Pops and this is all we have time for today, see you tomorow for more Pauly Pops.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Damn it, my right testicle is hurting again.
I really wish it would stop doing that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Didn't this all kick off between you and kristine when you were calling me ugly online,
now you're getting upset about other people making judgments about people online?
(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:40, Reply)

I think you're quite average looking, I don't know why so many people find you so ugly.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:43, Reply)

ha ha ha
best compliment ever.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:44, Reply)

You make a good point in essence, but there's a difference
My girlfriend isn't around to defend herself, and as K correctly pointed out, my opinion of you is coloured by the fact that I hate you. I did overreact and have apologised to K accordingly, however.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:45, Reply)

When a film comes out and all the reviews go on about how amazing it is and all your friends tell you that you've absolutely got to see it
and Empire gives it twenty stars or whatever, it's inevitable that when you go and see the film, it's been built up so much it's only going to disappoint. That's what you're doing every time you tell someone how hot your girlfriend is.

And I really think we should stop calling each other ugly on here. There are so many personality flaws we can have fun with, why fixate on physical looks?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Shut it, Scarface

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Sadly, as stupid as this sounds, I don't really have anything to look forward to currently, as everything is up in the air
I was looking forward to my friend coming back from Singapore, and now she is, everything feels the same again. Ah well, with any luck I'll be able to make the Mecha Bash, and have a good time there!

I also can't wait to stop receiving texts from people saying 'Huh?', 'What do you mean?', and 'Who is this?', after my phone sent 2 massive group texts at the weekend, all pocket typed. I'd respond, but I don't know who half these people are anyway, the group text was from Christmas time, before I deleted half my numbers!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Oh woe is me. Cheer up man for christs sake.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:30, Reply)

I'm not particularly down, there's just nothing I'm looking forward to currently.
It's a bit of a shitter, but ah well, what can you do?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:31, Reply)

arrange something to look forward too.

(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Impossible when I'm this skint
Add to that the fact that I'm recovering from a (frankly superb) festival, and I have to make what is likely to be the final visit to a family friend tonight, and it's not a great day.

I'm considering arranging another BBQ soon though, even though they stress me out, I have so much fucking fun!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Make a 'countdown to Mecha Bash' calendar and start crossing off the days.
Then plan a suitably garish outfit for said bash, and maybe customise it with sequins or something?

Fun doesn't have to be expensive, you know.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Dude, how about me and you go out on the pull? We could go down TigerTiger and drink beers and drop Es and pull birds and fight geezers and afterwards go for a kabab with extra hot chili sauce.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:04, Reply)

You really are magnificent Gonz.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:23, Reply)

The next morning we can go "Oh man, I have a hang over" and then go for a fry-up !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:35, Reply)

*marks on calendar*

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:46, Reply)

Tattoo time today. Then cinema tonight.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:28, Reply)

What you off to see?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:30, Reply)

'Run Fatboy Run' I think.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:30, Reply)

With that cunt from friends and spaced. Jog on Adolf

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:31, Reply)

He's been in 2 films with cunts from Friends.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:31, Reply)

You're the one who needs to 'jog on', sunshine.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Adolf Eh?
I've always thought of you as more of a Ludolf von Alvensleben or Josef Dietrich type personally
( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:38, Reply)

I know! This boy knows nothing.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:43, Reply)

Josef Marlene
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:46, Reply)

WOULD!
've
( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:54, Reply)

Dunno yet, watched four lions though, not what I exPected but great

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:30, Reply)

It really is superb, isn't it?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Clever, very clever.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Yes but to you, 'Transporter 3' was 'clever, very clever'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:37, Reply)

Someone put something in your tea this morning Monty, you seem angrier than usual?
Aside from that, Morning! Good weekend?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Compared to the stuff Monty normally says about Bobbypires
he seems quite laid back today.
( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Yes thanks. Lots of fun with daughter, and a Sunday afternoon pissup and meal out.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Ahh, fantastic

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:00, Reply)

You've watched transporter 3? You sad old cunt. What happened?
Did you fall out of your chair and were unable to reach for your helping wand? Or did the nurses just decide to leave you on the floor again?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:53, Reply)

-1/10
poor effort
( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:55, Reply)

It's ok Darth, you can stop hiding now.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:58, Reply)

My account is far older than Darths

( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:01, Reply)

I can't wait til Friday.
It's my daughter's third birthday.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Awwww! They grow up so fast.

( girlinthehole, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:33, Reply)

They grow up too fast
cost a fortune in clothes that they wear once before they are too big for them and then suddenly they are stealing your stuff, trashing the house, breaking your TV, throwing your 1tb hard drive on the floor losing all your data and then when they get to about 3 they start calling you an "Old bugger" and laugh about it.
( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Only 1 more year
then you can take her on "holiday" to Portugal... Profits



*Well I thought it was a funny comment*
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Hahaha as did I

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Oh I can't wait to see her little face when she opens her presents
I hope there are enough batteries in the camera, oh I'm just so excited.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:09, Reply)

I've met Rory Sutherland a couple of times now after he's done lectures at the university I work in
He's a really interesting bloke. If you ever get a chance to speak with him listen to every word he has to say.
( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:31, Reply)

I've got two London based trips coming up this year that I'm looking forward to
The first this Friday involves the wife and three younger children and GUARANTEED FUNTIEMS! at Chessington World Of Fun Stuff.

The second involves me and my eldest son in London for 24hrs with lots of drinking and music and whistlestop touristy stuff.

(I might be looking forward to the second one more)
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Another London trip and visiting DG and sweary in a few weeks.

( girlinthehole, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:34, Reply)

Awesome
Hello Blousie, how was your weekend without your resident panderer?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Lovely thank you.
And still got some pandering from others so fine all in all.
( girlinthehole, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Woo!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Time for a threadjack.
Probably more for the Northerners here, but sod it. Someone called me a Northern Monkey yesterday, and then seemed very put out when I referred to them as a bog-dwelling troglodyte.

Was I wrong to be harsh, or should they take it on the chin?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:49, Reply)

I think you were wrong, you pigeon-fancying, coal-eating outdoor-lavatory-having cuntstain.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:53, Reply)

Y'see, that was funny.
His was just the un-original boring stereotype.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:01, Reply)

You're not a monkeyhanger bastard are you?

( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Fuck off am I.
I can tell the difference between homo sapiens and some orange tart in a short dress.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Good good

( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:03, Reply)

One thing I'll never understand
Is why some people think it's a good idea to put makeup on with a plaster float.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:07, Reply)

My stock response to 'Northern Monkey' is 'Southern Fairy'

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Yeah, but he's from Cambridgeshire, so that doesn't really count.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:02, Reply)

As an Essex boy who now lives
In the frozen cultural wasteland that is Cumbria... I can categorically state that you ARE a Northern Monkey, and you should have meekly accepted this and tipped your hat to your betters
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:05, Reply)

Essex boy in ironic "i'm better than other people" shocker

( Kroney, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Its the Orange glow
that makes us that much better
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Nah mate, that's just Bradwell.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Hello pot, this is kettle, come in, over!
If you can't find culture in Cumbria, then you're fucked mate.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:07, Reply)

The only culture here,
Is beneath the fingernails of the farmers
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:16, Reply)

hahahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Are you kidding me?
Vindolanda? Hadrian's Wall? Lake District? Daffodils?
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Not wishing to fans the Northern flames...
But Vindolanda is in Northumberland...
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Barrow in furness is a fucking great shithole

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:33, Reply)

I can't wait for my Japan holiday in August
Also I'm keeping an eye on the post/email for a possible job offer.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:50, Reply)

In that there London?

( girlinthehole, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Aye
Pretty much been headhunted, had an interview, expecting an offer this week.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Fingers crossed. That would be superb.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:57, Reply)

I understand the workload is quite intensive
So their offer will have to be damn good. I could do with a change in scenery though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:59, Reply)

Good luck!
Are you going to live in Badger's closet?
( girlinthehole, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Thanks!
No I am not. If I get the offer, and if it's decent, I'll look into flats/sharing etc.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Get one with Lusty. She does all the cleaning.

*HI! HOW'S THE VANITY SEARCH GOING?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:01, Reply)

A dedicated one too
She showed me her maid uniform.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:03, Reply)

You should see some of her other ones.
Cor!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:05, Reply)

Cor blimey Mary Poppins indeed!
See I'm learning the lingo already, I'll fit in nicely, or as you Londoners say, 'like a knife in a 12 year old ASBO drug dealer from an impoverished council estate'.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:06, Reply)

I hate you Boycie.

( wanderlust, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Oh thank goodness, that's the first step to my true happiness.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:37, Reply)

What's the second?

( wanderlust, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:39, Reply)

CAYKE

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Blowjob competition where I'm the winner.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:40, Reply)

A mouth full of 1m30s microwaved minstrals.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:41, Reply)

getting a dog

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:41, Reply)

+pregnant
/Jefflols
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:43, Reply)

You want to win a compo for giving the best blowjob?
I'm not sure you've thought this through.
( Kroney, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:42, Reply)

No, that's not how it works.
Basicly, Lusty, Berk, Chickenlady, B3th, Roota are all having an arguement in rachal's hot tub (everyone forgot their swimming clothes, so they're all naked) that has loads of soapy bubbles. They are all like "No, _I_ give the best blowjob ! It's simply Not Fair that you think you give better blowjobs" when the door bell goes off. It's the pizza delivery boy, who happens to be me, so I say "Alright ladies, I'll settle this once and for all...." and then I get naked so we're all naked and soapy in the jaccuzzi and I go "Alright, who goes first?" and they..... etc etc etc, I'm not going to cockblock myself any further on this one, don't want to ruin my chances if this situation ever comes about.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:46, Reply)

But only when my right testicle stops hurting.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:48, Reply)

How many extra lumps has it got ?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Eww, I'm not going to touch it, I know where it's been.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Ask your gp for an urgent referral for the bollock doctor
He'll know what to do. It could be a bird of course, but you shouldn't get your hopes up
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Last year I had a female doctor play with my balls, I wasn't sure of the ettiquate so I got her some flowers.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Dude, you need to feel for any lumps.
It'll probably be just a cyst if there is one, but you should still get it checked out.

/speaks from experience.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:04, Reply)

I'm sure it's alright, I'll check it out tonight when I get back from work.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Maybe it's hurting because you keep thinking about a mass blowjob
with loads of b3tan hotties. It's pressure.
( Kroney, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:50, Reply)

I am lost for words.

( wanderlust, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:58, Reply)

It's rude to talk with your mouth full

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Haha, yeah', that would imply I can last longer than 5 strokes.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Can I order a large American Hot with extra olives and mushrooms please?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:02, Reply)

THIN CRUST.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Thanks Gonz.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Eugh, mushrooms?!!
You sicken me.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Eh? It's not like I said sweetcorn or pineapple or something.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Both of those are fine by me
I hate mushrooms. And onions on pizza. And peppers.
A pizza should just have meat and chillies on.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:06, Reply)

That is a fair comment.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:09, Reply)

I have no idea why people would put pinapple on a pizza

( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Because they are bent?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Pineapple makes me do a sick.
Vile stuff.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:17, Reply)

A pizza without mushrooms is like a day without sunshine etc etc

( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:05, Reply)

I think onion on a pizza is an abomination.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Hmmm I had one in italy that had red onion on and it worked
Regular onion though, definitely not
( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:06, Reply)

You want Gonz to deliver a pizza to you so you can suck him off don't you?

( wanderlust, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Yes. Yes I do.
*fires up hot tub*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Knowing you it's more 'hot box'

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Does he like it when you grab onto his hair and tug at it like a harnis on a horse?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Ahh, the Allison Hannigan Special, coming right up.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Where are you going in Japan?

( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Fukushima.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Fukurmomma

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Hahahaha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Tokyo for a week
Then we'll go wherever we feel like, definitely want to see Kyoto, maybe Osaka and Nara.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Kyoto and Osaka are gorgeous
Make sure you get out of town and go to some of the temples. Amazing place. I prefer Kyoto to Tokyo.
( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 9:59, Reply)

That's the plan
I'm buying a 7-day JR pass for the trains, so we'll make the most of that.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:01, Reply)

I have just realised
that when they made the new capital, they simply swapped the syllables for Kyoto around. I don't know how many years I've been seeing those names together without making that connection.

*face fucking palm*
( Kroney, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:02, Reply)

What about Okinawa?
My mate Daniel-san reckons it's wicked.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Can he catch fly with chopstick?

( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:02, Reply)

That was
Beginner luck
(McChinaman banned, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:16, Reply)

It's on my list of places to see
But then that list is currently "Everywhere that's not Fukushima".
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:05, Reply)

I really wish I could go.
Given my finances I shall not be taking a holiday for 5 years, though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:07, Reply)

It is costing a fortune
It's going to be mint though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Haha, gutted.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:10, Reply)

I can't wait to fling myself to a squishy death
in less than three weeks.

Had I not mentioned that?

also, thank you to all the wonderful, charming, lovely, super b3tans who have agreed to sponsor me. So far I'm at £90, which is pretty awesome.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Parachuting, or bungee jumping?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Beachy Head

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Hahaha you should post more.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Why thanks,
young fella me lad.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:19, Reply)

200ft bungee jump
I'm well excited.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:29, Reply)

If you die during your jump
you need not worry, OT will have a special memorial to you once a month where we make bungee jump death related jokes.

I have a mate who did a Bungee Jump with AJ Hackett in Australia, he isn't dead if that makes you feel any better.
( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:03, Reply)

If you die, can I have your death-knickers?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:28, Reply)

You'd have to ask mr b3th about that
but I'm sure he wouldn't mind.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:29, Reply)

If the cord snaps use your bra as a parachute

( Peej, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:37, Reply)