That thread was rather a damp squib.
What does the weekend ahead hold for you?

I'm off to a wedding in Lancaster, so no daughter but boozy wearing-a-suit LOLz instead.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:00, 226 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Looking for my wallet.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Have you tried looking in El Segundo?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:06, Reply)

I get this joke.
I feel clever.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:06, Reply)

excellent stuff
really excellent
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:11, Reply)

ur shit

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:11, Reply)

hip hop lolz

( Peej, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I'm gannin oot in the toon man pet love.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:09, Reply)

It's reet canny like.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Aaalreet!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Am ganna cop a feel of all them reet canny geordie birds

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Tourettes?

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Sadly probably not.
Although I hear her son is going to the concert too, so I don't know if they are intending to come into town.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Mint!

( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Have you seen moohala's geordie accent on talk's popular page.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:12, Reply)

It's wonderfully accurate.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:13, Reply)

He has a gift.
The bloke who got HIV from a transexual prostitute then told /talk made me do a :o
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:16, Reply)

I saw that post
was that what it was about? I assumed it was part of a joke.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I feel bad for him if that's true.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:19, Reply)

yeah
but you can't help but think he brought it on himself by choosing to have sex with a transexual prostitute from Sau Paulo
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Without a condom
(second time anyway)
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Quite.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:23, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/talk/7252853
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)

well, that sucks

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:25, Reply)

SO DID THE PROSTITUTE!

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:25, Reply)

The capslock here is an intergral part of the humour.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Bleeding hell!

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:32, Reply)

/talk really is the most pleasant place in the world
I can't understand why more people don't holiday there
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:38, Reply)

I bet if you hired a prostitute there
you'd get something really nasty
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Oh come on, mate.
firstly, the AIDS post is bullshit. Secondly, even if by some miracle of that not-being-a-wormulus-or-mortal-wombat-sockpuppet, someone who no-one knows and has barely posted before comes onto a messageboard late at night and announces that, what do you expect?

Imagine walking into a packed pub you've never been to before and announcing something like that. Imagine what would happen. It's not /talk's fault the world is full of attention-seeking mentals.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:42, Reply)

People want the abuse
I wouldn't want people fawning over me and crying if I had bad news like that, I'd want people to take the piss.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:44, Reply)

I suppose that anyone who didn't want the piss ripped out of them in the wake of such news
should probably avoid /b3ta like the plague
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:47, Reply)

As ever you make a well-reasoned argument to which I have little riposte
*doffs cap*

I should have said that every time I read anything from /talk, it seems to mostly consist of unpleasantness. But that might be that only the most unpleasant conversations are worthy of linkage.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:46, Reply)

meh. It's difficult because there are some people
who've posted personal stuff that I have some sympathy for, because they are regulars here and have real life friends here and are genuinely looking for support. But always, you're laying yourself bare in public. Doesn't always make abuse right, at all, but you can't ever say people didn't leave themselves open to it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:57, Reply)

^this

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:07, Reply)

If Al eats too much of a certian chocolate bar his sweat smells of coconut
Well its boun'tae
( Peej, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:31, Reply)

morning!
More paint and then some birthday beers at a friends' house. Hopefully bacon butties, too.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:10, Reply)

making beef wellington tonight and drinking champagne and strong Russian beer
working on my dining room tomorrow followed by dinner with friends.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:11, Reply)

but in Russia beer wasn't alcoholic until
yesterday or something
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:13, Reply)

it just didn't count as alcoholic
because it wasn't vodka. by beer standards the stuff I've got is quite strong
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:14, Reply)

yeah, but if it doesn't
count as alcoholic, it wouldn't have got you drunk
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Anything less than 10% was counted as food
You've got to love the Russians
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:53, Reply)

You're so fucking boring Vipros
You should be interesting and find yourself a HOT MAN.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Me and vippers both.

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Oh pish - you're nowhere NEAR as boring as Vipros.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:35, Reply)

I know
I should work longer hours, have had my house bought for me by someone, and obviously marriage is the worst thing I could be thinking of.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Ooo! Meow!

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:16, Reply)

He is SUCH a little bitch isn't he!

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:20, Reply)

if only I had a HOT NEW MAN
who was a DEMON IN THE SACK
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:20, Reply)

If he was a DEMON IN THE SACK
in your house that someone else bought for you but you never got to see because you worked until 3am every day then your karmic balance would be about even.

Unless you were unable to recognise casual racism, in which case you'd still be skewed.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:22, Reply)

this is all getting very complicated
perhaps I need a plan of some kind to follow. Could you oblige?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:25, Reply)

I find this whole thing very, very funny.
Of course you realise, she's doing all of it to, like, totally wind you all up?
( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I know, that's the best bit about all of this
it's all an elaborate joke on me and Vippers.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:27, Reply)

She totally knows how to pronounce James.

( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:28, Reply)

don't forget the sad truth behind it all Al
we've made the wrong life choices. That's the bottom line here.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Don't you think you'd be happier if you ploughed through an unending amount of men
instead of settling down with somebody you love?

You're such a wanker, Vipros
( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:30, Reply)

I suspect some terribly expensive cocktails would have helped as well

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:31, Reply)

And when you don't get it
she'll not-flounce because she's frustrated that you keep taking what she's saying seriously, seriously?
( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:27, Reply)

you know
that hadn't crossed my mind at all.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Well maybe if your HOT NEW MAN
earned THREE TIMES MORE THAN YOU, you would.
( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:29, Reply)

How I wish that were the case
I'll just go and cry into my vegetable garden, at my mortgaged house, in the provinces.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:30, Reply)

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:45, Reply)

it's as if a veil has been lifted!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Haha QUOTED!
My life is immeasurably improved.
( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Lol

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Oh Al, Sad Face, you didn't chase her off again? I reckon I could have gotten my leg over given enough time and enough string of useless boyfriends.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Gonz, unless you have a simple name, a HOT BODY and are a demon in the sack
I fear your chances may have been limited.

I'm sorry.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Sadly Gonz has a hot demon name and a simple sack body

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Oh that's cruel
but since it's not directed at me, I like it.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:01, Reply)

I hope Gonz knows I don't mean it

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:01, Reply)

sorry to say it Gonz
but you don't earn enough
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:52, Reply)

You only need to earn THREE TIMES
what she does, and she's on a fucking pittance. So I reckon GOnz is in with a shot.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Hold on, I think I worked out who she's seeing
Rich Asian man, hot body, it can only be Jackie Chan!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:06, Reply)

I love how they all look the same.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:08, Reply)

But how ARE you supposed to pronounce their names?
At least her HOT NEW MAN has to simple good manners to choose a nice, white name for her.
( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:09, Reply)

A nice, white, Hebrew name, obv.

( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:10, Reply)

I took a gamble on it being a Noodle-Hiroshima Asian
Not a Curry-Talk Centre one, because I don't think the latter bunch have a word for 'rich'.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Actually I'm pretty sure she said he was indian.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:15, Reply)

Way to pick holes in my mild, friendly jibe
Thanks al. THANKS.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:17, Reply)

No worries labs
I hope you don't get radiation sickness when you're in Aww-So-Noodle land.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:23, Reply)

RACIST!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:24, Reply)

I think you mean LACIST!!!!

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:29, Reply)

So is James just his call centre name then?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:24, Reply)

Oi - that's my dad.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:29, Reply)

You don't treat her enough like shit.
You'd be nice. She wouldn't like that. She'd spend all her time worrying that all your decent treatment means that you're going off her. Then she'd find some excuse, such as not texting her immediately after sex, in order to decide that you're a cunt, and dump you.
( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:56, Reply)

i like breasts

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Why isn't this on the popular page?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:10, Reply)

I don't know and it upsets me

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:16, Reply)

Popular page takes a while to update, doesn't it?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:17, Reply)

don't think so

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:18, Reply)

Sometimes it does.
It's a bit weird.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:23, Reply)

I'm getting my hair cut.
Depending on the outcome, I shall either be grinning a lot and preening or crying myself to sleep in bed all weekend.
( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:14, Reply)

is that today?!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Tomorrow.

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:18, Reply)

eek! exciting stuff

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Trying to make the Skype app work with something approaching end-user convenience
on my NEW PHONE.

And piracy.

My life is so boring and uncool I may have to kill myself.

If only I could go out drinking every night and meet a new man who's, like, totally a demon in bed and stuff.
( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Wow, you could almost be rachelswipe with that.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:17, Reply)

piracy is what the cool kids do
you got a decent boat? Got your mega-trousers ready? YOu need to do more swashbuckle training
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Boatlol
Fuck me I'm bored.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I've gotta go to the gym, now
Can I pencil you in for later?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:33, Reply)

That was more of a statement than a command, but by all means!

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Seeing Harry Potter
And a bit of gardening. Maybe some booze, also setting up a home gym. Might nip over to Tameside on Sunday for party in the park as a friend of mine is running it.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:16, Reply)

I saw that on Wednesday

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:18, Reply)

I've still not seen the one before
why isn't it on iplayer, yet
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Because God hates you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:19, Reply)

harsh but fair
that god dude knows what's what
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:20, Reply)

they are both pretty good
significantly better than the other films I reckon
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:19, Reply)

More updates as they happen!

( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:20, Reply)

two days after they happen

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)

*thumping News jingle*

( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)

lol you mean 'a damp squid'.
I don't know why we put you on a pedal stool on here.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Nope it's squib.

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:19, Reply)

*belms*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:19, Reply)

It's a squid on a japanese girls head.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)

it was a jokey TV reference, you arch-quender.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)

I wasn't belming at you, you fucking Blue Peter bungalow-dweller

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:24, Reply)

who were you belming at then, you flappy handed cottager?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Perhaps the person he replied to?
At a guess.
( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Good Lord, Holmes - how do you do it? Your powers of deduction border on the supernatural!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:48, Reply)

It's elementary, my dear Boyce.

( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:51, Reply)

You see, PDizzle's shirt
carries yellowed watermarks down the front of it, indicating that a significant amount of his time is spent dribbling. This, plus his apparent lack of capacity to spot the empirical progression of board posts marks him out as a window-licking megatard.
( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Small flecks of blood *here* and *here* in the back of his saggy grey y-fronts
indicate he regularly 'accommodates' lonely sailors in the dockland area.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:56, Reply)

psst
he was making a joke
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:20, Reply)

psst
Can't have been very good if I didn't get it.
( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:25, Reply)

it only works if you know The IT Crowd

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:26, Reply)

I strongly dislike the IT Crowd
and I could tell it was a joke
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:30, Reply)

That is because you are a clever clogs.
I'm stoopid innit.
( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:33, Reply)

I can certainly spot a shit joke when I see one

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Why don't you like it?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:35, Reply)

1. It's not funny
2. The characters are cunts
3. The script is piss-poor
4. Self-styled 'geeks' and 'nerds' like it
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Horses for courses innit.
I find it amusing enough, and I'll freely admit to being a geek.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Don't take any notice of Monty.
He hates EVEYTHING!
( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Yeah, he's like an emo trapped in an adult's body.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:46, Reply)

o u
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:01, Reply)

the reasons Monty says
plus: it over plays the stereotypes, rendering it woefully unfunny. The canned laughter is some of the worst I've ever heard.

for future reference, I also hate:
Gavin and Stacey
Two pints of lager etc.
Hollyoaks
Every soap
TV shows as a vehicle for American comedians (i.e. Everybody loves Raymond)
Ricky Gervais
Peter Kay
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:48, Reply)

You've missed McIntyre
You must hate McIntyre
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:54, Reply)

not as much as the rest
he's not in your face so much now as well
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:55, Reply)

I think I hate his popularity even more than I hate him
It absolutely confounds me.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:57, Reply)

How can anyone possibly hate two pints of lager?
It's a televisual MASTERPIECE
( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:02, Reply)

It's terrible.
Awful, awful programme.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:36, Reply)

*facepalm*

( Kroney, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Get down off your pedal-stool!

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:26, Reply)

YOU FUCKING SPASTIC!!!!

(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:32, Reply)

*dribbles*

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:34, Reply)

You will enjoy Lancaster
you can sneer at provincials.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)

I have a last weekend With The Boy before my ex takes him to Florida for 2 weeks
The Plan is to choose a meal we'd both like, toddle up to Burrough Market and buy ingredients, have a fun day on The South Bank, and go home to cook a feast together, Sunday will be swimming and maybe a film, unless we've had to do that already on Saturday due to Rain.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Whilst you're in the area you should also visit Borough Market -
it has the edge on Burrough Market in that it is a real place that actually exists.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I'll add it to the list
but I like imaginary places better.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Going to the beach for a friend's birthday BBQ tomorrow
Ms Foxtrot cleverly suggested I take her sister's car so I don't have to camp there, which is fine except then I won't be able to bloody drink will I.

And watching as much of the first test as I can manage.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Darth, I have a question for you about lube.
I know you're a massive "runner" and you really like "running" so I thought you might know a thing of two about the best lube to use while "running" to stop your nipples getting sore.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:24, Reply)

I've never experienced nipple-chafage I'm afraid mate
and I never have any lube left over anyway
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:29, Reply)

big pile of paperwork to keep/shred/bin
little else I suspect. Rock'n'roll!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:23, Reply)

How is the new job at News International going?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I bet that's a brilliant place to work
You must be able to get away with murder, the bosses have no idea what goes on there
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:33, Reply)

I'm not so sure.
Apparently, there was one bloke who was the Harry Potter correspondent. Changed his name by deed poll and everything, and he had to wear full Potter regalia into the office. The one day he didn't want September 11th, 2001.

And was promptly put on a disciplinary, and ordered home to get changed.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Yeah I can't make head or tail of that post
Sorry mate, not enough coffee in me. Hurry up 11am, the rest of my day is meaningless
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:40, Reply)

There was a bloke who had to dress up like Harry Potter for his job.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Surely that's just normal clothes with a robe over it?
And glasses, which is not a huge stretch for someone like me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:44, Reply)

Hat as well, apparently.
And a wand, too.

You can imagine him getting ready for work in the morning "I put on my robe and wizard hat".
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:45, Reply)

harry potter doesn't wear a hat
and carrying a stick is hardly much of a chore
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:47, Reply)

They did in the first film.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:48, Reply)

for about 30 seconds

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Yeah, even fucking blind people manage that OK.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Vippers is right about the hat
We've all forgotten the most important part of the outfit; the scar. That must have been a bastard to apply each morning. Lancome do quite a nice shading foundation which might have made the process easier.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Are you playing up to your meme here?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Yeah it was a total fabrication
Well called.

Lancome are fucking shit.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:52, Reply)

^this

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Blood Ninja
Lolz
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:53, Reply)

You're the only one who got this.
And I thought this was a place that understood internet pop culture.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:55, Reply)

I just assumed that the Potter fans
would miss the reference due to their respective tumescence causing a lack of blood to their brains
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:03, Reply)

More than likely.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:04, Reply)

UPDATE!!!
I will actually spend my weekend over-planning a demonstration lesson for my interview ON WEDNESDAY!

This better go well, I have no back up plan
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Woo congrats
I'm sure you will amaze and amuse.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:30, Reply)

cheers
I have a feeling 3/4 of the panel will be people I know. It's going to be hard taking it seriously/not feeling incredibly self conscious. It's a topic I'm good on, though.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:33, Reply)

LARPing?
Good luck, though. *crosses appendages*
*falls over*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Good luck!

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:46, Reply)

Don't forget to practice yelling about rocket cars
it's bound to go down well.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Did you see the thing about the Finnish education system?
The Finland Phenomenon - it was on my facebook. Those crazy Finns!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:32, Reply)

I cannot imagine you in a suit. At all.
I have study to do. And a printer that needs fixing.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:40, Reply)

www.homepagedaily.com/uploads/20100111/8ebfea63-a8b7-4909-9484-2066855428b4/chaplin-tramp1922.jpg
(PsychoChomp, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Have tried all that. I brought it home for dad to fix.
If he can't fix it, no one can.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Is your Dad Bob the Builder?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:48, Reply)

No, he's Jimmy Saville.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:49, Reply)

One of the mice on the Marvellous Mechanical Mouse Organ

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Those fucking mouse wankers.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:54, Reply)

They make me HEEEAVE!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:05, Reply)

I met Jimmy Saville in 1992
My Dad was on Jim'll Fix It. He was absolutely barking even then. Jimmy Saville, not my Dad.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Now then now then!

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Nah he was one of IBM's senior technical analysts for 25 years here in Aus.
He used to get sent all ofer the place to fix things.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:53, Reply)

I don't want to shock and amaze you all too much
but i have no plans. I know, it's not what you'd expect of a social butterfly like me, is it?

Ask me again next Friday - so I can tell you about my plans to jump to a squishy death from a great height!
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Too much excitement is not good for us petal.
But when you do exciting you really go for it don't you.
( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Monty at the wedding.



Can I just confirm I don't actually make any images I put on here. I steal them from the internet.
( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Hahahahahahahaha!
This. This. This.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:58, Reply)

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:00, Reply)

Is Biscuit cross eyed?

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:03, Reply)

He does look it in that picture, doesn't he?
I think I just had the camera too close to him.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Also
I've just realised that since this picture was taken, a few years ago, my dog has got fat.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Fantastic!

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:02, Reply)

I spent last night triple fisting
rather enjoyed it, might do some more over the weekend
( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:53, Reply)

I hope you washed your hands.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Things I'm Doing This Weekend.
- Getting my bedroom up to scratch so I'm not entirely 100% embarassed by it.
- Getting Pasta Machine
- Using Pasta Machine
- Making some sort of cookies or muffins or donno what for people at work as I forgot to get some Brighton Rock for them.
- Watching the F1
- Might toodle off to see Captain America
- Watching Oz
- Might have a moosh around Enfield Town or Wood Green or something, turns out, getting out the house and doing something in the day is _soo_ much better than watching the same eppisode of Man V Food a billion times over.
- Meeting a friend for coffee.
- Getting brochures for local collage for night-classes, want to do a food-related course. It's for leasure though.
- I'm at the itchy-chin stage of facial hair so will give myself a shave.
- Hopefully I'll see a dog at some point, just on the street walking past. That'll make it a good weekend.
- Being a Generally Happy Generally Mostly Full Functioning Human.

OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Sounds like a jam packed awesome weekend hon : ))))

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 10:56, Reply)

you've just given me an idea for dessert ravioli
with jam in it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Ew. You wouldn't make that with pasta, though, surely?
Pastry or something, maybe?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:02, Reply)

pasta and pastry are almost the same
if you make the pasta fresh then there's no reason why it wouldn't work. Simmering it wouldn't be the best cooking method, perhaps deep frying.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Deep frying makes everything taste better.
But then, I am Scottish.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Nah, brush it in olive oil and stick it in the oven.
Sorted.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:06, Reply)

that is an option
but 10 seconds in hot oil would do it. Much quicker

actually, you'd want to use butter if you were doing it in the oven, not olive oil. Olive oil wouldn't go with jam.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:09, Reply)

anyway
stop being so negative. You've got to try these things.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Yeah, but what happens if you make it and it's shit?
Who's going to eat it then? Wasted food is bad, Vippers. There are people starving in Africa.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:09, Reply)

I haven't tried something and it turn out too shit to eat in years

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:10, Reply)

You're obviously a better chef than I am.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:11, Reply)

I can hold my own

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:18, Reply)

I suspect you often have to.

( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:20, Reply)

that's what comes of being in a long-term, stable and loving relationship

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:22, Reply)

Haha

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:36, Reply)

hurr hurr
In other news, I am dosed off my tits on prescription pain medication today, so I may, at some point, be acting either silly, or naughty, or both.

Let this be a lesson to you all about the dangers of doing drugs you're really not equipped to handle.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:20, Reply)

excellent!
I look forward to it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:22, Reply)

But we don't live in Africa, thank god.
It doesn't matter if it turns out shit and you don't want to eat it. It doesn't matter if you spent hours making it... You probs was going to spend those hours online or on the telly instead, and how many of those hours are you actually doing anything?... And there are the chances of having a meal that makes you smile and remember. There are chances of feeling satisfied at the pure creativity involved, of a hard work done right. There is a chance of pleasing someone you like or love. A story to tell friends no matter what the outcome,
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:41, Reply)

My Dad's made me some cherry and chilli jam
I'm going to have it with croissants every day.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:03, Reply)

That sounds delicious.
Which reminds me, I must use Noel's onion jam he gave me.
( girlinthehole, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Nonononono NO
Get out of my head, I asked the pasta teacher if the Italians do that, jam with masciponi, and he said they don't but he does a banana one with a syrup sauce. I told him about my steaming and shallow frying them and he was impressed, asked me how I thought that one up and I said I was eating Goyaza and thought that it's not different from stuffed pasta.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:35, Reply)

that's good chefing

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:39, Reply)

I'm sorry to say this, but you're really starting to remind me of the dog from Up.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Morning all
This weekend I am abandoning all family responsibilities and going to this: www.atpfestival.com/events/ibymportishead.php where I intend to drink too much and fall asleep whilst listening to music.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 22 Jul 2011, 11:30, Reply)