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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Good morning.
But is it? Is it really?

Why? What would make it better? NB anyone mentioning 'cake' will have a visit from the Gestapo.


Alt: I put it to you than 'zombies' are bent, and an affected obsession with said 'zombies' is even more bent than the zombies themselves. Convince me otherwise, or warmly congratulate me on my correctness. God I'm bored.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 8:47, 229 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
It's a well known fact that 'zombism' is mearly a severe strain of GAIDS, so your assumption that they are bent is correct
a bomb/fire scare so we all have to go home
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 8:53, Reply)
I cannot believe how bored I am already.
I really am going to struggle today.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 8:54, Reply)
It is a good morning.
I work overlooking the defunct Eurostar Platforms at Waterloo and they are using them as a venue for a London Fashion Week catwalk.

You know the platforms I mean, the ones with the glass roofs. Really, I'm so close I can almost smell the amphetamines and backstage bulemmia.

What would make it better? If the models were nude I suppose.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 8:54, Reply)
You can actually smell the designers' AIDS?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 8:55, Reply)
Yeah, but it's OK, I'm wearing a breathing mask to be on the safe side.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 8:59, Reply)
If you find yourself 'voguing', seek immediate medical attention.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:02, Reply)
Fuck, you earwormed me again.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:03, Reply)
When I start tapeworming you,
that's when you need to worry.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:04, Reply)
With all the far too skinny models I can see out the window.
I suspect I am already at risk of seeing some of them today too.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:07, Reply)
Not missing the bus this morning, and not having to wait in the pissing rain would have improved it.
Although, I was lucky to run into a colleague who gave me a lift in.

Also, after having heard a discussion about what makes the perfect English Breakfast this morning, I wouldn't mind one of them.

Alt: Some/Most zombie films are shite, but there are one or two half decent ones out there. Versus being one of them.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 8:54, Reply)
Today is crap.
The only thing that would make it better is if Jeff Bridges were hiding under my desk.

Alt: you know my stance on the zombie debate so I'm not going there.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 8:57, Reply)
But even if one was some kind of halfwit with an unhealthy interest in fictional monsters,
zombies are shite. Godzilla is much better.

The Kraken shits on zombies. Grendel wouldn't wipe his arse on zombies.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:00, Reply)
Godzilla is just a big lizard.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:05, Reply)
Godzilla is a radiation-mutated quasi-dinosaur.
He is amphibious and the size of a large building. Not some barely-functioning rotting corpse whose 'special power' is 'shambling along slowly and smelling'. Don't make me laugh.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:07, Reply)
You can easily hide from Godzilla and you always know where he is by the fact he's so fucking huge you can't miss him.
Zombies spring out of nowhere and they can run fast when they're chasing you.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:11, Reply)
Zombies can't run.
Only 1990's cheating, pseudo Zombies that aren't really Zombies can run.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:14, Reply)
First zombie film where I saw them run was 28 Days Later.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:17, Reply)
Exactly!

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:18, Reply)
2002 that was
And it was shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:19, Reply)
Well I was guessing at 90's.
Because it was 28 Days Later that I had in mind. I suppose i could have looked it up, but, meh.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:20, Reply)
Can't really argue with that.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:23, Reply)
Made them a damn site scarier too.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:18, Reply)
They never freaked me out
But them running, making that stupid noise, makes me laugh every single time.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:19, Reply)
Is that 40 shades blog yours?

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:40, Reply)
It's AA's on/off girlfriend

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:46, Reply)
Ah, ok
I left quite a long reply about it in the previous OT thread and wanted to make sure it found its way to the right person.

I'm not saying its important but it completely undermines a very long blog post and they might want to change it.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:28, Reply)
Oh, alt.
I've been reading Garth Ennis' "Crossed" which could be considered in the Zombie genre, and it's most definitely not gay. Apart from when it is. Like the bit with the crossed going all bisexual.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:00, Reply)
Ooo! sounds interesting.
*googles*


Edit - nope! not my thing.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:02, Reply)
To be honest it's not really mine,
I can't imagine I'll be reading the follow ups. I'll stick to The Boys and rereading Preacher I think.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:06, Reply)
I'll bet you'll 'stick to the boys'.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:10, Reply)
Oh Monty,
That was so obvious that I'd hoped you'd be the better man and skip over that one.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:11, Reply)
who's this bert, then?
bert?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:15, Reply)
Nope
I left my signature the same in the hope it would make it slightly less confusing.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:16, Reply)
it didn't
therefore you might not think you are bert, but you ARE bert.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:17, Reply)
Bugger.
I've been Berted.


Psst: It's scarpe. But in a case of shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted I realised that using the same names for Twitter and here may not have been smart.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:18, Reply)
it's a bit late
google is not your friend.

however, you're bert now, so it doesn't matter anyway!!!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:21, Reply)
Oh I know, I know.
Anyone who wants to connect the two most definitely can, but I think most of the people who would want to already have anyway. And I may as well at least make the rest use google rather than just follow a route through FB to Twitter to here without even trying.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:24, Reply)
Are you the one with the picture of Elvis Costello?

(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:27, Reply)
Hang on, is that picture actually you or is it Elvis Costello
as you do look remarkably like Elvis in real life.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:31, Reply)
It is Elvis
because I've been told so many times I look like him.

Unfortunately, mainly in that particular picture where he looks like a drunken tramp...oh...I see their point now...
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:33, Reply)
Yup
I probably should have drawn less attention to this, huh?
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:32, Reply)
i feel somehow responsible
and thus a little bit proud
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:35, Reply)
Wow, you look exactly like Elvis Costello
Soz to be the bearer etc
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:28, Reply)
Well at least start following me then so I can figure out who people are and follow back.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:34, Reply)
He is Scarpe

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:21, Reply)
he was
but now he is bert.

and so is "the truth fairy". although there may be more truth in "the truth fairy" being bert.

fuck that is a confusing sentence.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:22, Reply)
You can't handle the truth fairy
/film
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:28, Reply)
i know
i'm not his sister. maybe if i were, i'd be in with a chance.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:29, Reply)
Ooo! sounds terrible.
*gargles*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:04, Reply)
This morning is a good one for me.
I have tea and the whole day off and am posibly seeing my brother later for burritos.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:07, Reply)
Say hello from me.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:08, Reply)
To my brother or the burritos?

(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:10, Reply)
The burritos.
Tell them I miss them terribly but not to worry, they'll be back in my arms very soon.

Then say 'nom nom nom', please. Thanks.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:13, Reply)
You big gay.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:29, Reply)
Are you calling me a man?

(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:48, Reply)
Might be.
On the other hand, no man should say "om nom nom nom nom" and not have his sexuality questioned.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)
And that old guy you live with is out of the house
so the smell of wee is getting less.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:12, Reply)

less fewer

Is that right? Morning all.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:31, Reply)
No
fewer less
Mornin'
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:34, Reply)
not having to get the tube when it is rammed full of smelly plebs taking up all the seats and breathing in all the air. cunts.
also, why is it that people think they can make a lift come faster (or the green man at traffic lights, for that matter) by hammering the button even though it has clearly already been pressed and is all lit up?

why do they do that monty? why? why?? why???
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:07, Reply)
Mental retardation. That is why.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:09, Reply)
it's bizarre but everyone does it
then they look so smug when the lift arrives.

IT WAS ALREADY ON ITS WAY YOU TOTAL TOOL.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:13, Reply)
'Hi, I ordered a cab/pizza etc. and it's not arrived. Where is it'
'it's on its way'
'Oh OK thanks, bye'

That wasn't a pointless call, now was it?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:18, Reply)
hahahaha.
Guilty.


In my defence, when I'm waiting for a cab it just makes me feel better to have done something rather than stand around like a plum.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:21, Reply)
It probably wasn't
because that's normally the prompt for the retard on the other end of the line to actually order the pizza/cab etc. which they had previously forgotten to do.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:22, Reply)
i got so mad with addison lee the other morning that i accused them of fraud
i got the cab journey for free, but i was still nearly late for court and my blood pressure was through the roof. they're like the nestle of cab companies. they are so big and so busy that they simply don't care.

but turns out accusing them of fraud might squeeze a result even though it is legally UTTER bollocks. oh well.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:23, Reply)
Hi honeyz, I'm home
There you go Monty, your day's improving already. However bad your life is, at least you're not me.

You're welcome.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:08, Reply)
You're welbent.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:09, Reply)
That was really shit.
Soz. Lol.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:09, Reply)
ARGH!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:12, Reply)
Soz AA.
SOZ.

SOZOZOZOZOZOZ.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:13, Reply)
Hugz 4 U Bbz

(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:13, Reply)
*waggles eyebrows*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:14, Reply)
i'm so glad i have you guys to remind me of that
so that i can keep reminding my friend. no matter how bad it gets, at least there is no more DR HUGZ.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:20, Reply)
Why are you now 'Big Monty'?
You should be warned that my refusal to give each name more than a cursory glance means I'm going to assume you're Blousie
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:15, Reply)
I've been doing this all week
it gets confusing.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:16, Reply)
He'll change it back as soon as I accidentally flirt with him

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:19, Reply)
Ha can't, some bounder has nicked his original name.
this is, or course, not at all funny.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:25, Reply)
I actually feel rather sorry for Monty
I'd be furious if some cunt did that to me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:29, Reply)
I always feel sorry for Monty, for several reasons
Doesn't stop me laughing at him though.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:34, Reply)
You do have to wonder about the sort of person who steals usernames
They should be shot in the knees
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:36, Reply)
*keeps very quiet about masquerading as Monty for a while*

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:41, Reply)
It relates to the Leighton Buzzard gyppo slave story that was in the news.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:19, Reply)
I completely missed that
Frankly, I was blissfully unaware of what was going on in the world whilst I was in the capital. I'm starting to understand why you don't like people, Monts
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:25, Reply)
They are cunts.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:32, Reply)
We've missed you Darth, but I'm the only one here who would admit it.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:10, Reply)
FINE. BE LIKE THAT. MY BREASTS DIDN'T MISS YOU AT ALL, THEN

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:12, Reply)
Morning b3th

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:15, Reply)
Wrong guess.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:25, Reply)
I went with Swipey first then she threw a hefty
Who else has breasts?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:26, Reply)
you "went with" swipey?
hmm, does she know about this?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:27, Reply)
I was supposed to keep that secret
It's such an exclusive club I'm in now
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:29, Reply)
it is Swipey you knob, she's just winding you up.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:29, Reply)
i suspect he may have guessed
by his subtle reference that i put it about a bit...

... chance'd be a fine thing, stupid bloke getting in the way of my sex life....
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:32, Reply)
Well get another one then.
A less bent one.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:33, Reply)
Or turn over

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:35, Reply)
I've tried telling her this
but for some reason she resists bum love, no idea why.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:43, Reply)
Swipey is correct, I would never say such a scandalous thing about her except RIGHT TO HER VIRTUAL FACE
Which reminds me. These legndary breasts. POIDH
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:33, Reply)
If only you'd been here last week....

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:34, Reply)
I smell bullshit

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:41, Reply)
*shrugs*
Ok then.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:44, Reply)
Aww thank you Blousie
I missed you too. Singular, not plural.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:15, Reply)
Morning fella

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:13, Reply)
Morning mate
How've you been keeping?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:16, Reply)
Not the best, but ah well!
And as you can probably imagine, that result at the weekend didn't help matters.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:18, Reply)
No football was played at the weekend
NONE
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:18, Reply)
Oof, I can see yours was a bit worse.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:20, Reply)
I don't know what you're talking about
The cricket picked a fine fucking time to stop
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:22, Reply)
Good to see you back Herr Foxtrot.
I hope you enjoyed London, even if you missed all the good bits.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:15, Reply)
London was fantastic thank you
With hindsight, most of the things I enjoyed most - Wicked, Legally Blonde, Kew Gardens, a private dance lesson with KAREN FUCKING HARDY - could easily be classified as "bent"; maybe you lot are on to something with your constant abusive.

Or has the aforementioned abuse turned me bent? Power of suggestion and all that? Discuss.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:18, Reply)
My wife used to work at Kew, before she got all pregnant
i used to sneak in through her back door and explore the palm house in depth
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:19, Reply)
BEST EUPHEMISM EVER!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:21, Reply)
I fucking loved it there
How's the family?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:22, Reply)
Excellent, thank you.
The little one is just too sweet, she is so alert now and loves to smile and giggle which is really rewarding.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:23, Reply)
Aww that's adorable
Glad to hear you're enjoying it now. Sleeping yet?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:28, Reply)
Sleep is overated, tbh i think I'm pretty used to it now
i mean i am tired and sometimes need a nap to catch up, but it's not debilitating.

Glad you enjoyed London, i suspect it is a little more exciting than Norwich!

EDIT: you might like this www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gw-f22Bul4c
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:32, Reply)
Fuck me, that's brilliant

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:34, Reply)
Welcome back trotter
Not much has changed since you were last here: everyone has either changed their username, flounced or is Bert. The rest have been locked in a horsebox by Big Monto.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:32, Reply)
I don't know exactly why
but I bloody love this post
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:37, Reply)
You've been away too long?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:40, Reply)
Can't rule it out
but I've re-read it and it still makes me giggle
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:41, Reply)
It's OK I suppose.
Cake, or rather a Danish and a coffee would indeed make it better. *Readies spetznatz to repel Gestapo*

Alt: Zombies themselves are pretty bent, however preparing for the zombiepocalypse can be a useful discipline and if it encourages people to keep weapons handy and build bunkers, then it's all good.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:10, Reply)
I watched 'embarrassing bodies' last night
it included a close up shot of a 60 year old transexual's new vagina. the only thing worse than a 60 year old woman's vagina is a 60 year old man's vagina.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:12, Reply)
I'm 14 years away from being 60.
I can't imagine my vagina will deteriorate that much in 14 years.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:14, Reply)
Soz, I'm sure you have a lovely vagina
but the type that turn up and out on 'embarrassing bodies' are fairly well ruined
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:16, Reply)
I guess CQ will just have to try harder then.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:18, Reply)
I actually happened to switch over when he was showing his new cunt off
The scramble for the Sky remote was a terrifying 3 seconds
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:19, Reply)
Is it just me or had 'he' dyed his pubes blond?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:24, Reply)
I didn't stay on the channel long enough to find out

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:30, Reply)
Bored? At 8.47?
You must really really, hate your job.
It is a good morning, I've had green tea and bhajis for breakfast, and look forward to doing nothing for the next few hours.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:19, Reply)
I really, really do.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:25, Reply)
Not especially good
But it could be vastly improved by the hearing in my left ear returning. Usually I can hear better out of that one, but after attempting to clear them both with some Otex last night, I now cannot hear a thing through it. It is most disorientating.

Alt: I bought the reissued vinyl of Odessey and Oracle, The Zombies misspelt classic. It's ok I suppose, but I'm not going to see the reformed band.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:19, Reply)
I tell you what
making it Sunday afternoon again would be mint. Sort it out would you?

In other news, I got paid yesterday but only noticed today. Happy Tuesday to me.

Alt. I'm sure people can be passionate about zombies and not be hugely bent.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:22, Reply)
That could have turned into an epic day out on Sunday, eh?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:25, Reply)
Almost did for me
luckily I saw the light and realized I'd had 5 pints in the space of a couple of hours and toddled home at about 6.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:28, Reply)
I had an OK time at my 'not dead' pal's.
Got home about 10, utterly pissed.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:31, Reply)
It's fucking shit, train companies have just fucked me over
I'm going from milton keynes to Wakefield tomorrow 139 miles. Train cost £213.70, and it's a fucking nightmare journey.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:26, Reply)

"I think it (the railway) is a fantastic deal for the amount of money we put in”
Michael Roberts

Chief Executive, Association of Train Operating Companies
(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:27, Reply)
Serves you right for going to Wakefield.
That's where they make Piston Brokes.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:27, Reply)
Work innit, I wouldn't go there by choice.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:28, Reply)
Then why are you paying for the train fair?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:30, Reply)
I'm not, I do give a shit that tax payers money goes on this crap though.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:32, Reply)
If the taxpayer wanted to save money
it would have given you advance notice so you could have got a cheap ticket.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:33, Reply)
I've actually found that walk up fares are £80 cheaper than booking online the day before.
I'll just pay it and claim it back.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:44, Reply)
I may be driving into your beloved Milton Keynes tonight
In order to catch a train into London, as all the cheap fares from here had gone.
True story that. If you get bored on your journey you can use it to regale your fellow passengers.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:50, Reply)
Tell the people at the station you know me, you'll get on for free.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:23, Reply)
Wow. Now I'm really starting to reap the benefits of hanging around on b3ta.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)
riiiiiiiiiiiiight
so you care that £220 is being wasted. but you don't give a monkeys that your £10,000 a year salary is being wasted by you cocking around on every news site going and b3ta all day?

i smell horseshit and it's heading to wakefield shortly.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:33, Reply)
Did you see the story this morning about the regional 999 centres?
Half a billion pounds spent, for absolutely nothing...unbelievable
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:36, Reply)
no...... fuck!
*seethes*
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:37, Reply)
It's not that unbelievable is it.
I mean, the fact that it actually happened makes it quite easy for me to believe it.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:38, Reply)
is that the best you can manage this morning?
basic facetiousness
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:39, Reply)
Could I do an impression of Nick Clegg instead, and answer every question in a rhetorical manner?
Yes.

Would this make me a face punch worthy twat like him?

Yes.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:40, Reply)
Been on radio 4 this morning?
I thought justin gave him a bit of a hard time
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:42, Reply)
I thought Justin gave him a jusifiably hard time
I normally dislike Justin, but he was spot on the money whey he pointed out that we are not the same as Greece or Italy, and what annoyed me is that he didn't pull him up on continually confusing "debt" and "deficit" as if they were one and the same.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:44, Reply)
he annoyed me by continuingly asking why things were not happening more quickly with reagrd to 'bankers bonuses'
when the point nick made about leaglly binding contracts really answered it, full stop.
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:45, Reply)
Yeah, fair point.
Still, it was better than the pathetic attempt to interview him made by Bill Turnbull on BBC breakfast.

That said, did you by any chance hear PM yesterday when they had Richard Dawkins and some secondary school "science" teacher talking about intelligent design.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:47, Reply)
Bill is a light weight
No i didn't hear Richard Dawkins, not sure I can stomach himm in the morning, no matter how uch I agree with his 'beliefs'
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:50, Reply)
He was remarkably restrained
especially when the "science" teacher started questioning the legitimacy of radioactive dating techniques.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:52, Reply)
gosh, you seem to have misunderstood. i think he means "how it could have happened" is the unbelievable part

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:39, Reply)
I reckon whenever these things happen, the person or people involved in the waste of money should have to go to every nurse, doctor, fireman, police man, army man...etc.... who is out of work
... and say to them "I'm sorry you don't have a job, it's because I wasted half a billion pounds out of the public purse, my bad."
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:59, Reply)
Have you ever heard anyone ever say "I'm doing fuck all for this company, just sitting about pissing away online, I'll quit my job to save the company some money."

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:57, Reply)
Those paperclips don't sell themselves.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:32, Reply)
it's hardly fair on poor fucking wakefield
to send him there though, is it?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:28, Reply)
Yeah, fucking hell, I might end up bumping into him.
Christ on a bike. Luckily, I have other things that require my attention, and I won't be in Wakefield.

So there.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:32, Reply)
Even if you did bump into him
he wouldn't take your virginity.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:33, Reply)
good for you
you dodged that rapey bullet
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:34, Reply)
Indeed.
Man-rape is not my thing. Not my thing at all.

Now Darth on the other hand...
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:35, Reply)
what, darth is your thing?
interesting, i did not see this one coming.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:37, Reply)
That's how you get pink eye

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:38, Reply)
It's not just you that's intoxicated by Foxy-lust you know

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:40, Reply)
this may be the gayest post by a non gayer EVER!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:40, Reply)
What, accusing a girl of fancying me?
Anyway, we both know I've done much better
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:42, Reply)
no, referring to fancying you as "foxy-lust"
that is quite pink!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:46, Reply)
Well "Darth-lust" is too geeky
and "trot-lust" is a bit too diarrhetic
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:49, Reply)
Morning mate
How was Leeds?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:40, Reply)
Muddy!
Fucking brilliant fun though. Blinding sets from Madness, Muse, Elbow, Frank Turner, My Chemical Romance (oddly enough), and of course Pulp.

The Strokes were a sore disappointment... boring as anything. No passion.

Jared Leto from 30 Seconds To Mars is self-important tit with a messiah complex.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:54, Reply)
Of course he is
He's a ridiculously good-looking rock star who was in Fight Club. I'm confused as to why you'd be surprised that The Strokes were shit

Glad you enjoyed yourself though, in all seriousness
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:57, Reply)
Liked them at uni.
But Jared Leto... what a tit. He came on stage dressed in white, with some skirt thing down to his knees, with some sort of white gown thing on top. All very gay.

Some wag shouted "BUY SOME BLOODY TROUSERS!!" at him during a quiet moment.

Oh yes, it was me.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:03, Reply)
Take three points
Excellent heckling
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:05, Reply)
Many thanks.
Even better was the angry staring of several thousand angry teenage girls.

Excellent.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:07, Reply)
I assume you did the gentlemanly thing
and went round each of their tents in turn to apologise to each of them thoroughly
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:22, Reply)
Ah, the 'quiet moment'
Best of all the 'moments' during a 30STM gig.
(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)
If indeed that really is a moment.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)
If indeed there are any best moments.
*Edit* Piss
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:09, Reply)
Hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:10, Reply)
I work with several people who are zombies
and I can categorically state that they are indeed bent.
(I helped save b3ta! Peej, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:49, Reply)
This made me laugh.
thechive.com/2011/09/20/you-deserve-a-low-down-dirty-good-time-35-photos/low-down-dirty-16-2/
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 9:59, Reply)
Well
Judging by the fashion show I just watched, I can conclude that the trend for the forthcoming season is going to be 'looking ridiculous'.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:01, Reply)
That's the trend of every single fashion show ever.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:04, Reply)
This^

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:04, Reply)
It did seem rather similar to last years, I admit.
Although if I remember, the key tones of ridiculousness last year were plum and crimson, this year they seem to have been eggplant and scarlet.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:07, Reply)
Excuse me?
"Eggplant"? Where are you from?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)
Is that not the name of the colour
regardless of the name of the vegetable?

To be honest, after 'plum' I couldn't think of another shade of purple to use for the purposes of the lame joke, and that's what popped into my head.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:10, Reply)
Possibly you are correct
Eggplant is just one of those words that annoys me more than it should. I really don't see a) what's wrong with aubergine and b) how the fuck it's an egg-plant
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:13, Reply)
Eggplant refers to the fruits of some 18th century European cultivars which were yellow or white and resembled goose or hen's eggs
Yes, I am reading the wikipedia page on aubergines. What of it eh?
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:20, Reply)
It really is a pointless exercise to accuse a fellow b3tan of having too much time on their hands

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:22, Reply)
WooHoo!
My favorite look.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:04, Reply)
Whilst in London, which I'm assured is a fashion barometer
The NOW LOOK is "preparing for floods". Those ridiculous body warmers that encouraged someone to ask Marty McFly if he'd jumped ship - "what's with the life preserver?" - are back, and girls are wearing wellies with knee-socks and shorts.

Every time I think fashion can't get any dumber, it proves me wrong.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:04, Reply)
The new look for fatties appears to be skintight see-through leggings
*bokes*
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:06, Reply)
I'm not sure they are intended to be see through
I think they are stretched opaque black...
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)
That's not new unfortunately mate
It's just taken a long time to get that far north
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)
I saw one of those this morning.
Near put me off my Gregg's steak bake.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:12, Reply)
The look seems to have been around for about a year
1 year of looking at jelly arses and big knickers.....sighs
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:13, Reply)
It'll be different when the B3ta Party rises to power
Burkas for fatties, leggings for Muzzers. That'll sort this country out.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:15, Reply)
*raises fist of solidarity*

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:20, Reply)
Splitter, or something

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:23, Reply)
EVERYONE SHUT UP
This guy www.b3tards.com/u/313f276056b3485b1c22/9527_273903225023_692760023_9055688_2311910_n.jpg is giving fashion advice.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:22, Reply)
And.......................

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:23, Reply)
I just like linking to the photo.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)
RUFIO RUFIO RUFI-OOOOOOOOOOOOO

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:30, Reply)
If you can watch video
this is a good take on the peter pan stories vimeo.com/22692359
(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:46, Reply)
I'm trying to stop myself using the word 'gay' to describe something which is naff or irritating.
It bothers me.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)
I'm too old to stop doing it now.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)
I think the best way to stop yourself saying something is to correct everyone else who does it.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:38, Reply)
*everyone else who does it is correct

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:42, Reply)
Last night
I said that people who speak their every thought are retarded, and then immediately afterwards said 'I wonder where my phone is'.

I am a wanker.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:45, Reply)
What about people who post their every thought ONLINE?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)
And what about the losers who read them?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)
I like gonzo

(PsychoChomp, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:49, Reply)
More shit comes out of his head than his arse

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:50, Reply)
If you are tired of Gonz, you are tired of life.
Or something.
Always an entertaining read. Possibly the best person on here.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:50, Reply)
You're thinking of Tea
Gonz is Ace though. I was well chuffed when I first met him in person.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:52, Reply)
Double-wanker.


Hmmm. I wonder if Tangleupinblue's band are as shit as I suspect them to be. He certainly seems like a cunt. I'm glad I decided to beat him up at his gig tonight.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:50, Reply)
Quite possibly even shitter than you have imagined.
You're still coming then?
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:52, Reply)
If I can convince Lusty.
It's our only night together this week, you see, due to her job. She likes going out more than I do so it's promising.

Where is it again? Somewhere on Kingsland Rd, right?

And what are you called and when are you on?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:54, Reply)
He has songs up on Faceb..... Oh, never mind.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:53, Reply)
bender

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:37, Reply)
Queer

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 20 Sep 2011, 10:40, Reply)

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