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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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It must be new thread time, judging by the speed the other one has slowed to.
Um...so...hello...

How are you?

Oh, this is too polite isn't it? I better just aska a question.

Why are you such a cunt? Why am I such a cunt? Who is the biggest cunt? Who isn't a cunt? Is it offensive to use the word cunt in this manner?

Alt: It's Google's 13th birthday today, no wonder it appears to be such a know it all, what were you like when you were 13?
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 15:53, 210 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
Who are you?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 15:55, Reply)
I'm you
but smarter, prettier, funnier and more charming.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 15:58, Reply)
You might have wanted to add
"and less of a rapist"
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 15:59, Reply)
Let's just say
that's not a club with an exclusive membership.
(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:50, Reply)
thin

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 15:56, Reply)
Is Freefair Google?

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 15:56, Reply)
A 16 year old addressed the Labour Party conference today
I like to think he is Freefair's nemisis
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 15:58, Reply)
That'd be the most pathetic battle.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:02, Reply)
"I counter your Kensian economic policy
with a series of public spending cuts designed to reduce the burden of the government's borrowing deficit to free up liquidity to invest in business"
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:08, Reply)
*invokes +17 Elven cloak of fiscal prudency*

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:09, Reply)
hahaha
That's what they do in those midnight COBRA meetings

'No Gordon, you promised to bring the nachos!'
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:11, Reply)
So do I.
Luckily he lives in Maidstone.
(888777555, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:31, Reply)
Alt: a compulsive masturbator
Not much has changed since then really.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 15:56, Reply)
If it looks like a cunt, sounds like a cunt and smells like a cunt, it's probably a cunt.
I think that covers the cunt question.

Alt: I looked like the drummer from Hanson.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 15:59, Reply)
I always thought she'd be hot when she grew up...

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 15:59, Reply)
I was once wolf-whistled by a builder from a van when I was about 19.
followed by a "jesus fucking christ mate, thought you were a bird" as he got closer.

That was pretty much the final straw and I bulked the fuck up after that.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:07, Reply)
Is that when you decided to lose all of your hair?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:08, Reply)
up till then it was down to my shoulders.
So I cut it short and bleached it. took about another ten years for it all to go.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:10, Reply)
You should have
washed the bleach off sooner
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:46, Reply)
I'm not much of a cunt really, not anymore.
Alt: When I was 13 I can safely assume that I was probably a little shit. That was the time I started to actually listen to my own music, rather than simply whatever was on in the house, so that led to arguments between my brother and I (the prick).

This is how I looked

In unrelated news, I'm cooking a chicken, mushroom, herb and cream sort of thing tonight, do you lot reckon a bit of wholegrain mustard would work with chicken?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:00, Reply)
of course

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:02, Reply)
Good good, cheers

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:07, Reply)
It was good being the older brother.
I managed to impose my music on the house almost until I left for Uni. Mainly because when my brother did get control of the stereo he played NWA and my mother freaked out.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:03, Reply)
My brother used to play all sorts, mostly stuff I couldn't stand
But he'd play it so loud you couldn't get away from it. He also used to insult what I listened to at every opportunity, but if I dared say anything back, he'd kick off.

He once threw a remote as hard as he could at my head because I pointed out that a 5 year old spastic could write better words than the ones he was listening to at that moment.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:07, Reply)
So he was a Nirvana fan then?

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:15, Reply)
Nope, at the time I remember he was listening to "Let's Get High" by Dr Dre

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:17, Reply)
totally
but careful with the herbs, not all of them go with mustard.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:08, Reply)
Hmm
I'm considering Thyme, Parsley and tarragon?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:11, Reply)
parsley is a no-no.
it's very much a "fresh" herb, I wouldn't use it with cream and certainly not with mustard. Tarragon or thyme are good shouts, although I wouldn't necessarily go for both together. I'm a big fan of tarragon with chicken and it'll go with the cream and mustard well
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:14, Reply)
I concur with the badger
*nods*
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:15, Reply)
Ahh, thank you.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:17, Reply)

fan of tarragon with chicken and it'll go with the cream and mustard well screaming gaylord for thinking this, never mind typing it on the internet. i will never get laid again for my lack of machismo and y-chromosomes.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:18, Reply)
But he will be able to advise you on the latest handbag and shoe trends.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:21, Reply)
Fuck that shit.
handbags are a dark art.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:22, Reply)
Woah. Steady, petal.
The ladies love a man who can cook, did you not get the memo?
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:22, Reply)
i must have missed that one
i only got the memo that says we like tough macho men who can make us feel all feminine and make us enjoy spoiling them. and drill us to paradise and back not less than 3 times a week.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:29, Reply)
I'm all for the above
but I maintain it's nice to be cooked for occasionally, even if he does cheat and buy cheesecake for dessert instead of making it.
(berk, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:37, Reply)
I do enjoy baking a nice cheesecake.
I realise Swipey Boyce will regard this a further signs of quenderism, but meh.

Vanilla with an amaretti base, for preference, but lime on chocolate cookies works well too.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:40, Reply)
the only cheesecake i've ever managed to make that I was proud of
is the chocolate and tia maria one off bbcgoodfood. I've made several others but they all fail to convince, somehow. Most upsetting. If you have a favourite recipe though, gaz it me and I'll give it a whirl.
(berk, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:44, Reply)
Will do
baked ones are tricky as they are like souffles, getting them to stay light is skill/massive fucking luck (delete as your arrogance takes you) ... but a bain marie (well, a deep roasting tin filled with water, let's be honest) makes a huge difference.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:46, Reply)
+ to our opinion of your masculinity

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:47, Reply)
the mighty bender more like

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:46, Reply)
yes, yes, of course, I'm definitely a raging trouser bandit.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:47, Reply)
hoorah
it has taken about 8 years but we agree on something!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:49, Reply)
Darth is going to be so happy he has some new friends.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:55, Reply)
Well, yeah
since I'm being sarcastic and you know full well I'm not gay, I'm sure we do.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:58, Reply)
now hang about a bit
how do i know you're not gay? i've never slept with you. you could be a total botty mincer hiding behind your not remotely phallic shaped hockey stick and balls for all i know............
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:00, Reply)
as I think we've clearly identified here recently
sleeping with you is hardly cast iron proof of heterosexuality anyway, is it?

I meant I don't believe for one second you actually think I'm a quender.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:05, Reply)
to be fair
none of the guys i've dated from here would do anything other than turn a girl gay. apart from the very first one, years ago. he was lovely.

and no. if i thought it for one second, it wouldn't amuse me to go on about it.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:08, Reply)
I'll just carry on acting like a total Barrymore, then, and keep you entertained.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:10, Reply)
being able to cook in no way prohibits any of those things.


3 times a week is a pretty low baseline, my dear.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:37, Reply)
depends how many people you're seeing...

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:47, Reply)
granted.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:48, Reply)
Swipe does not eat, Badger
You forget this
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:31, Reply)
not actual real food, no.
I hadn't forgotten. I just assumed that a vegetarian would consider understanding of flavours even more important, seeing as how they've removed the only seriously tasty food group from their diet.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:42, Reply)
men mincing around talking about extracts of nettleflower
and cream of gaylord...

hmm!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:51, Reply)
Hello, Ms Kettle
I've got a fire-roasted Miss Pot on the line. Something about a midnight charcoal colourscheme?
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:59, Reply)
me? i am many things
but i ain't no rug muncher!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:01, Reply)
haha, no, but you can hardly accuse someone of light-footedness
on the basis of food descriptions considering the stuff you come out with about lunch...
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:06, Reply)
BUT I'M A GIRL
i am allowed to sound gay!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:07, Reply)
you're allowed to sound gay, without being gay, I presume you mean?
So is anyone, though. me included.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:09, Reply)
Try a touch of honey in the sauce too

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:14, Reply)
Lose the mushrooms
And you're onto a winner. I might make a risotto this evening, or if I'm in a supremely lazy mood, cous cous.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:16, Reply)
Nope, the mushrooms are a definite.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:17, Reply)
Mushrooms are fucking horrible.
And smell of death and stale farts.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:19, Reply)
I used to hate them
But since finding that white mushrooms are shit in comparison to, say, chestnut or porcini mushrooms, I've become quite fond of them.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:21, Reply)
White mushrooms dont really taste of anything
Portobello are your friend
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:22, Reply)
Mushrooms are the one food that I refuse to eat.
So slimy. Urgh.
(DeeDee, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:24, Reply)
nomnomnomnom
Mushrooms are fucking brilliant if cooked well
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:25, Reply)
No way.
Even the smell of them makes me gag. I try them every so often to see if I've acquired a taste, but no. Minging.
(DeeDee, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:26, Reply)
Try different types

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:28, Reply)
like magic ones?

(DeeDee, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:29, Reply)
Shitake
Portobello
Oyster
Chestnut

They all taste different
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:30, Reply)
No thanks.
It's not just the taste, I hate the texture and the smell too. I would make a terrible vegetarian.
(DeeDee, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:31, Reply)
Not that anyone cares
But mushrooms aren't technically vegetables anyway, being halfway between plant and animal.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:44, Reply)
On my plate, I tend to have them on top of the animal!

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:49, Reply)
They can be cooked very nicely.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:25, Reply)
I'll have to print that off and wipe my arse with it.

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:21, Reply)
I'm beginning to think you are an Al sockpuppet

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:23, Reply)
So what you're saying, is that you want me up your arse?
You fucking queerbo.

Sorry Rory, I don't go for sexually repressed internet virgins.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:24, Reply)
No, I'm going to wipe my arse with your picture
This is a picture AA, this is not in fact you. I'd rather not soil my arse with a head dobber.
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:28, Reply)
So, you're printing out pictures of 13 year old boys and taking them to the bathroom with you?
Let me guess, it's for 'research' though, eh Chris?
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:31, Reply)
Who wrote this?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:32, Reply)
Oh it doesn't matter what age you are in the countless photos that you link AA, they all improve with a good rub of shit on them.

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:36, Reply)
Is that what turns you on then Chris?
Rubbing shit over younger boys? No wonder you were sent down, you've clearly been a nonce for a while.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:38, Reply)
Is it wrong I find this post hilarious?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:38, Reply)
on just about every level i can think of

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:45, Reply)
Could be worse, could be poorly-written...
I don't have the heart to complete the rest of this post.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:46, Reply)
In this photo you look like the kid who tried to burn down the gym

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:42, Reply)
Which one?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:43, Reply)
The one in the post I am replying to.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:46, Reply)
I meant which child/gym?

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:50, Reply)
You/the one at the school to which your uniform belongs.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:52, Reply)
Nope, we never had a problem there.
It was rebuilt the year I left anyway, it went from being nice old buildings to looking like a fucking hospital.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:56, Reply)
I'm not a cunt, I'm lovely.
Alt: gangly and awkward
(DeeDee, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:04, Reply)
God yes.
I was a right little shit as a teenager.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:04, Reply)
Is what I is
I don't know, I don't know who you are or why you're as cunty as you are.
I am the biggest cunt.
Gonz isn't a cunt.
No.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:10, Reply)
Thank you John-Paul Sartrer.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:13, Reply)
I dont know who this is
as I don't like philosophy.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:16, Reply)
Sartre
"he was a good golfer"
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:17, Reply)
So you DO know.
I don't either really except for the fact he was German.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:18, Reply)
An Existentialist, I believe, and French
I don't know much more about him, but these facts alone mean he was probably a pretensions tosser.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:20, Reply)
I KNOW he was French.
If Red Dwarf taught us nothing else.

Waxworld I believe.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:22, Reply)
Dear dear, where to start....

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:27, Reply)
I'm so glad my knowledge of Red Dwarf isn't *this* encyclopedic.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:39, Reply)
Nor mine.
I think Stunned just admitted to being a virgin.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:47, Reply)
I hate him now.
The bash is cancelled.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:48, Reply)
Oh good, that means I don't have to bottle it after all.

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:49, Reply)
We'll have to apply the Al/Rory standard to this.
Seeing as they claim to be such experts on the matter.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:49, Reply)
Red Dwarf taught us that Craig Charles is a cocaine-rapist
crack-smoking taxi-wanking CUNT who has never been, and never will be even remotely funny or entertaining.

Oh no hang on we knew that already.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:48, Reply)
Actually, I quite liked Red Dwarf.
But they should have left it alone after the 6th series. The latter two were like watching something you loved die slowly and horribly.

It's a shame really, as Chloe Annett was quite fit back in the day.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:50, Reply)
I know he wrote some plays
that I had to study.

"Moi, j'ai les mains sales. Je les ai plongé dans le merde et le sang, jusqu'aux coux"

That is mostly all I can remember from two of his most famous literary pieces.
(I helped save b3ta! b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:31, Reply)
He was also "polyamorous"
which is a posho way of saying "sausage-smoking arse-jouster"
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:40, Reply)
I thought it meant he fucked parrots?

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:43, Reply)
Or Amorous Badger?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:44, Reply)
I tend to think I'm a bit of a cunt.
everyone else mostly things I'm a hippy I think.

At 13 i was more of less invisible and happily so. life got better.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:15, Reply)
I'm fairly sure alot of people think that you're a prick and make wanker signs behind your back at every opportunity.

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:18, Reply)
Aged 13 I was tiny
For some reason aged about 17-18 I grew another 6 inches (!!)
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:21, Reply)
fuck off

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:22, Reply)
May I have some time to consider this request?

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:42, Reply)
I wasn't far off 6' at 13.
But my feet grew first - for about a year I looked like a fucking clown.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:23, Reply)
Was this year 2011?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:24, Reply)
Wot Krizzle said.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:26, Reply)
You would have been upset if no-one had picked up on it

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:28, Reply)
I amused you?
etc.

^FILMCUNT
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:24, Reply)
fuggedaboutid

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:33, Reply)
A man comes home from work to find his wife propping up the washing machine with 2 bricks
"what on earth are you doing?" he asked

she replies "a wash a thirty degrees, you thick c**t"
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:26, Reply)
That is actually not bad

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:29, Reply)
a man is seeing his son off on his first date
"don't forget to wear one of those things..." he says as his son heads done the garden path.
"you mean a condom?"

"no a hat, you little ginger shit"
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:31, Reply)
Also not bad

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:32, Reply)
After hours of troubled labour a woman finally gives birth,
the newborn is rushed out of the room followed by medical staff. After an hour the doctor comes back in.
"I'm afraid I've got some good news and some bad news for you." he says.
"oh god I'll have the bad news first please doctor"
"well I'm afraid your son was born ginger" he says sadly
"oh no, that's terrible how could this happen, but what's the good news?" she says welling up.
"he died"
(PsychoChomp, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:35, Reply)
oof

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:36, Reply)
*jazz hands*

(PsychoChomp, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:59, Reply)
^ your best post to date by far.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:45, Reply)
the bar was set fairly low by the motherfucking puns, in all fairness

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:48, Reply)
^FACT

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:49, Reply)
Spag-ney and Lacey

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:49, Reply)
Sister-cian Monks.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:50, Reply)
Monk is a tv show, but I don't get this one at all

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:51, Reply)
Gaddchester

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:53, Reply)
Michael Jackson - 'Gadd'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:54, Reply)
Dave Clark Five - 'Gadd All Over'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:57, Reply)
Status Quo
Gadding All Over The World
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:58, Reply)
Gadd About You

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:59, Reply)
Gadd Men

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:59, Reply)
It's a Gadd, Gadd, Gadd, Gadd World

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:00, Reply)
Gadurday Night's Alright for Gadding.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:00, Reply)
Agadin.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:01, Reply)
In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida
...hang on
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:03, Reply)
Tune.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:05, Reply)
Far from the Gadding Crowd

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:04, Reply)
Nurse Gaddis Emanuel.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:05, Reply)
Saint Francis of Ass-sis-i

(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:51, Reply)
The Scissor Sisters

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:50, Reply)
Sister Sledge

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:51, Reply)
The Under(age)tones

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:51, Reply)
Cock off.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:52, Reply)
I don't get this one.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:55, Reply)
you don't get off cock?
you must be dreadfully sore
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:56, Reply)
I don't get off on fucking my underage sister.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:58, Reply)
The Final Bertdown.

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:58, Reply)
Hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:05, Reply)
Pointer Sisters

(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:53, Reply)
Stick to the food/tv puns Truthbert
I really like them, they really really make me laugh.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:30, Reply)
You dropped this (!)

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:30, Reply)
thanks I'll take your advice under consideration
Sesame Seedtreet
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:32, Reply)
Hello
Englebert Hump-a-sister.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:40, Reply)
Indeed.
Hello there, Twisted Sister (fucker).
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:43, Reply)
keep it up
i am looking forward to a good bertdown.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:44, Reply)
Indeed
It would be worthy of Shakespeare's (sister fucker).
(The Luggage is haunted..., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:45, Reply)
oh come on
even if you aren't bert, which i doubt, you could at least do us all a favour and have a bertdown.

this place needs moar drama today.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:44, Reply)
I'm not sure I know how to have a bertdown
if you give me a little info I'll do my best
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:50, Reply)
My shoulder hurts.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:51, Reply)
have you tried calomine lotion?

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:52, Reply)
It's more muscular than skin related.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:53, Reply)
long hot bath, cup of tea, sorted

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:53, Reply)
The thing is, Bert,
no matter how many sockpuppet accounts or whatever you try, the problem won't go away. You're still you, and you're still a nonce.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:16, Reply)
Wow

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:21, Reply)
You could just Change your name to Bert
it would be ironic, or something.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:24, Reply)
just kick and scream and yell pointless insults
then admit you are bert and... that's about it really.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:58, Reply)
Errr, what about 'post graphic porn'?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:15, Reply)
Is that like 'Post modern art'?

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:26, Reply)
It's interesting to think how you could make porn 'post-graphic'.
Would it just be less explicit, or wholly non-visual.....
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:28, Reply)
Non visual porn.
That's just sex with the lights out.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:31, Reply)
I tend to agree.
I even wandered over to /talk out of boredom. it was odd, they seemed quite nice.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:50, Reply)
No matter how little work I have to do in a day
/talk still manages to move to fast for me to ever be able to spend any time there.

They could actually all be firefighters, peace activists, nobel prize winners and kitten protectors for all I know.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 16:57, Reply)
you're kidding, right?
it's about ten times as slow now as it was only a couple of years ago. Mostly because all that's left there are a few good people clinging on and Mono and MW having mental breakdowns in public. And Baldmonkey, obviously.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:01, Reply)
Well OK
it used to move too fast and I never went back, so I didn't realise it had slowed down.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:02, Reply)
So far, they seem surprisingly nicer than people on here.
One of them even knows a fair bit about motorhead.
(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:15, Reply)
I think I'll stick here anyway
I'm too old and set in my ways to adapt to a new crowd now.

I'm like my Nan when all her bingo friends died and the younger generation took over the show.
(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:28, Reply)
I'll stick here too, but nothing to say I cannot wander over there when it gets dull here.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:36, Reply)
I can only read text with my right eye up to two feet away now.
I should probably do something about that.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:06, Reply)
stop wanking so frenetically?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:09, Reply)
How is that going to help or harm my eyesight?
You have some damned funny ideas, woman.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:10, Reply)
You'll get less spunk in your eyes?

(I helped save b3ta! scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:11, Reply)
God, from my pelvis to my eye is about four foot.
Do you take me for some sort of superhuman? It'd have to go off like a rifle.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:14, Reply)
You'd be amazed at how far that stuff goes
surely, as a man, you should know this?
(berk, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:20, Reply)
*knows this*

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:23, Reply)
No, not at all.
I drop it off gently just outside the fallopian tube.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:44, Reply)
For a start, I'd put your right eye back in its socket
so that it's not two feet away. That'd help.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:11, Reply)
It's weird. I always assumed my eyesight would start going more or less evenly
the sight in my left eye is still perfect.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:15, Reply)
Just wear an eye-patch and tell the right one it can come out again when it decides to play ball.

(I helped save b3ta! CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:16, Reply)
Haha, yeah
Alt: haha, yeah
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:14, Reply)
When I was thirteen I was a miserable cunt.
Just like now really but more spots.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:45, Reply)
What ho, Bigsy Malone.
Are you excited about Saturday? I have a semi-on.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:47, Reply)
The last two sentences are unrelated.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:50, Reply)
I couldn't be more excited if Jeff Bridges himself was going to accompany me to the bash and Roger me senseless afterwards.
Truefact!
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:55, Reply)
Excuse my tardiness at replying.
I'm at Manchester airport waiting for pater to arrive.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:57, Reply)
alt: a boring bookworm who everyone thought was a swot but rarely revised/worked hard at anything
who spent all her spare time at school in the music practise room or the art room.

so not much different to now
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 17:56, Reply)
edit: also I was that fat kid
who managed to be odd enough not to get completely bullied.
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 27 Sep 2011, 18:00, Reply)

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