Happy Mondays
I've got a real spring in my step this morning. How the devil are you?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 8:36, 187 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

They were shit
Not too bad thanks Jeff, only complaint is that I've got a massive fucking mouth ulcer, which isn't pleasant.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 8:39, Reply)

Step on.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 8:42, Reply)

Dire.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 8:46, Reply)

Is that the popular opinion among the younger generation these days?
No wonder my Dad always said kids don't know anything...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 8:54, Reply)

Don't know tbh
But I find their music dire, and in all interviews, they come across as drug addled pricks.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:00, Reply)

They come across as drug-addled pricks
because they were drug-addled pricks.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:02, Reply)

Family get togethers I'd like to see #1
When Shaun Ryder was married to Oriel Leitch (daughter of Donovan - himself no stranger to mind-altering substances). Christmas dinner must have been a riot with the Ryder-Leitches.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:05, Reply)

I always wondered what Christmas would have been like at the Carter/Cash household
when Nick Lowe was married to Carlene Carter.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:10, Reply)

Cruel, but in the interests of being kind, I would imagine.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:14, Reply)

Ha.
I'm not sure if that's actually funny, or if my tolerance for bad jokes is at a decent level today.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:24, Reply)

I'd agree with the second half of that.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:02, Reply)

Not too bad today ta
Fucking knackered all weekend and had to work Saturday and Sunday too.

COFFEE!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:03, Reply)

I fear the chilli chicken mosalla I had last night is wreaking its revenge this morning.
Worth it, though.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:04, Reply)

At least you don't have to be in work while you're suffering.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:07, Reply)

This is true.
Which reminds me, I need to speak to my ex boss about something.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:09, Reply)

Any news on the job?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Not yet.
Got a few applications in or in progress. Closing date for one of them was yesterday, so hopefully I'll hear something this week.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:33, Reply)

I have a post-chicken-wings glow about me.
The sun has got his hat on. I might go out for a walk in a bit.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:05, Reply)

FOUR DAYS!!!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:06, Reply)

until they cut off your benefits?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:08, Reply)

zing

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:09, Reply)

They need to sort the fucking claim out before they can do that.
Six weeks. Six weeks and I've still not heard anything. In my day we'd have been hauled over the coals for that.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:10, Reply)

That's not a healthy breakfast.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:10, Reply)

It's fucking cold out there
and it feels like it might snow. Almost certainly won't, but it feels like it.
(berk, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:18, Reply)

I had that on Saturday night
Chinese style glazed chicken legs, magnificent!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:29, Reply)

i have a new desk by the window so i can gaze upon the glory of Ealing

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:07, Reply)

I tried to book today off work, but wasn't allowed
But don't worry - I probably won't do much anyway.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:10, Reply)

I am in an irritatingly good mood today
We had out Ballroom medals yesterday and both got honours in both disciplines (this is very good, non-Ballroom types) and then went to a competition and got our first-ever win in Beginners' Latin. Chuffed as fuck.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Morning Darth

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Morning mate
If you are still my mate, that is. If you've stopped listening to Oasis
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:19, Reply)

*cranes head back*
*sings tunelessly*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:26, Reply)

SYUNSHYIIIIIIIIIIINEAH

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:37, Reply)

Aye, stopped that last night.
Twas rather odd.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:28, Reply)

That was easily the most worrying text I received last night
and the rest were from my sister about the X Factor, so I hope you feel suitably chastised.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:37, Reply)

Haha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Vinco Vici Victum?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:18, Reply)

You can stop with that dago-talk right now chum

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Chipper, Jeff?
Surely not. Where's the miserable old cunt that we know and... know?
(berk, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:18, Reply)

oh god their all dead ohgdohgodohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod
THEYRE ALL DEAD OH GOD OHGODOHGODOHGODOHGODOHGOD
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:26, Reply)

i jus woke up this morning and they were all dead, all 8 of them ohgodohgodohgod
oh fuck
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Morning Gary

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:33, Reply)

morning sportscow, please help me what am i supposed to do now there all dead?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Did you try to take your goldfish for a walk?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:34, Reply)

no i don't have any goldfish you silly man
i woke upo this morning and all 8, maybe nine of them were dead and gone, i has a sad
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Are you Gary Speed?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:36, Reply)

no i was a bit bored by the news this morning tho
omgrofl gary speeds ded omfg i can't believe it omg
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:36, Reply)

I WAS TALKING BOUT MY TAMAGOTCHIS YOU SPASTICS

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:37, Reply)

Apologies
My internet psychic abilities appear to be defective
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:37, Reply)

I knew you were going to say that
*stares into the middle distance, wistfully*
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:39, Reply)

you shoulda just asked instead o tryina be funny mate

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:40, Reply)

At least he tries, eh?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:49, Reply)

WE'RE ALL DOING OUR BEST GRANDDAD

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:54, Reply)

oh waht i was just told he done hung himself,. why he dot hat?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Maybe he was a secret /OT lurker and got fed up with you?
OMG YOU BASTARD YOU KILLED GARY SPEED!!!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:40, Reply)

i sorry to the family of speeds, i sorry your daddy no love you enough to not kill himself when he had so much going for him

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:42, Reply)

You might as well type in Klingon, for all the sense you make at times
you blithering numpty.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Sperm does usually die once outside the body, Quentin.
Hankies do not a viable sperm survival receptacle make.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:37, Reply)

They bloody do.
As do old socks, tissue paper and your mum's hair.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:40, Reply)

The key word here is 'survival'.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Apologies, I missed the word 'survival'.
Which makes my joke pointless now. Bugger.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:44, Reply)

dunno what this is, thanks for the input tho

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Does anyone want to talk about what a bug eyed cock Danny Alexander looks like on telly?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:30, Reply)

what am i gonna do superfly?? ohgod help me please

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Someone here looks like an uglier version of him...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:34, Reply)

Oooo, a guessing game
Okay, I reckon it's Kroney.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Who are the known gingers of /ot?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:37, Reply)

I don't know that there are any.
I haven't met one at any rate. And I've met quite a few.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:39, Reply)

i had a couple of hours to kill on sat in covent garden
so i spent some happy time in the second hand bookshops on charing cross road. and bought a book called "nobody wants a ginger baby" !
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Chris Evan's autobigraphy, no?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:41, Reply)

it should have been

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:43, Reply)

In other news
I started gutting my bathroom yesterday in preparation for the plumber coming on tuesday or wednesday.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:31, Reply)

^convoluted euphemism of the day

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:34, Reply)

How do you gut a bathroom?
Tell it that next door's is prettier and doesn't smell bad?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Nope
Aim for under the ribs, up and twist
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:36, Reply)

cold, overworked and out every night this week
on the plus side, will be in barbados this time in 3 weeks. so i can whinge, but i have no sympathy even for myself.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:35, Reply)

which resort are you off to?
i like sandy lane myself
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:36, Reply)

resort?
urgh. i'm staying at our villa, thank you very much.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:39, Reply)

PRICK

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:40, Reply)

you could have come
there are a couple of spare bedrooms. and a sock doesn't take up much room.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:42, Reply)

oh cool, i'll pack my stickerchief
are we having sepret rooms or do you want a bunk up?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:43, Reply)

i said "could have"
it's too late now.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:45, Reply)

well i'm booken my tickets online now so i'll probs see you there

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:48, Reply)

did i say barbados?
i meant antigua
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:49, Reply)

Steady
he'll be able to use his helicopter to get from one to the other, after all.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:50, Reply)

wow
that'll take a LOT of AA batteries
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:52, Reply)

he probably got some rechargables for his birthday, though.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:53, Reply)

my recahrgables were leaking at the weekend, bloody stupid AAA and AA batteries
dunno what happened bloody batteries
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:55, Reply)

nah for serious, my helicopter couldn't fly that far anyway
will probably have bought it by February
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:54, Reply)

well, if you bought the R44 it could
but, again, of course, you knew that.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:55, Reply)

i'm not an EXPERT on these things mr badger sir, merely an enthusiastic amateur

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:56, Reply)

i didn't know lego was quite that accurate in its model sets

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:00, Reply)

i got a lego boat, well 3 actually, lego planes, lego cars and vans
no chopper tho
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:01, Reply)

i got a ninja with a spinny thing that could be like a chopper tho, maybe that counts?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:02, Reply)

I'm freaking brilliant.
I've had the best weekend. I went to Melbourne for a swing dance event and I danced with SO many people. I am utterly exhausted now, but it was fantastic.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:40, Reply)

so is you a swinger?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:41, Reply)

I totally am.
It's a brilliant thing to be. I met so many lovely people and the dancing ranges from fun and funky to close and sexy and intense.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:45, Reply)

dirty boy, dirty dirty boy in your bed

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:49, Reply)

I have no idea what that is from.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:51, Reply)

it's from the mind of Quentin Oftiweak, aged 12

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Harry Hill circa 1998, actually

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:53, Reply)

clearly there is something wrong with him.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:53, Reply)

SHUT UP WHAT

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:53, Reply)

My cold is on the way out thank fuck.
But I have given it to the BF so now I have to look after him. Swings and rounderbouts and all that.

I'm in a weird mood lately. I think it's because people are all selfish cunts who will screw you over in a heartbeat and then look surprised when you tell them to fuck off.

I may excude Ma and Pa from this because they are totally fucking awesome
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Woo!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:48, Reply)

I should be excluded too for going to TGBs shop and buying things from her.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:50, Reply)

You totally should.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Ok Al is also excluded

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:54, Reply)

I should be excluded because I am a sterling human being.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:54, Reply)

hmmm
I may need a bit more than that
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Don't exclude him TGB
He's sometimes wrong on the internet.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:56, Reply)

only very occasionally, though.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Will fifty pounds do?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:56, Reply)

I bought you some cider once.
and I loves you, obviously.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:56, Reply)

I think most people on here have bought me cider
I'm a cider whore!

But the love may just swing your exclusion
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:59, Reply)

thanks for your gaz about him
all very informative and useful gossip...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:59, Reply)

like you needed it..

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Did you enjoy the diagrams?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:01, Reply)

i thought you were a bit cruel there actually

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Don't exclude me, i wanted to have my work Christmas party at Club Cloppicana!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:05, Reply)

haha
ok that made me laugh. You get a pass.

I may make badges
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Whoop!
*parties like it's 1999*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:15, Reply)

*waggles eyebrows*

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:12, Reply)

haha
I didn't think I needed to state your obvious exclusion :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Not bad today.
I seem to be quite cheery. Probably due to a productive weekend where I got the bulk of my xmas shopping done and tried on suits for my best mate's wedding. Generally feeling pretty together and organised, despite being tired.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Tired, Jeff.
I've got a conference this week but don't really have the time. Plus still trying to sort out ECI thing in San Diego for Jan, flights are £4K FFS. Wankers, the lot of them.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:53, Reply)

Get Quentin to fly you there in his helicopter

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:54, Reply)

only if he pays petrol money

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:56, Reply)

You should get a diesel helicopter, better MPG

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Or an LPG conversion.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Morning!
I'm not too bad considering how drunk I was last night. Hooray for late night sausage sandwiches and a half-pint of water, I say.

Today I have the day off. Might go out and stroll the German Market in a bit. Woo!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Sunday drinking, LiC?
A man of your advancing years.

Cocoa and 9pm bo-bo's for me.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Well, I knew I had today off, you see.
And since there was Friday drinking, and a bunch of mates are Oop North this weekend, Saturday was a quiet one.

And I have all this wine to get through - wine goes bad if you keep it more than a few weeks, right?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:11, Reply)

weeks days
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:13, Reply)

You need to drink that wine tout-de-suit
Before it turns to vinegar. I'd say end of today?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:25, Reply)

That's a challenge
I still have 11 and a half bottles.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:29, Reply)

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Shit my alarm didn't go off this morning and it's really set me off funny today.
Thinggy McThinggies.
- I get some treatment this week that'll fix me for a little while.
- I got the head doc later on, first time I've seen one in about 2-3 years, not got a clue whats gonna happen, head wise I've been fine for a long time. I heard that you can get these people who are in the NHS's payrole who'll wank you off every now and then, hopefully I can scrore me some of that.
- I've basicly finished 75% of my mobile phone app, hopefully I'll finish it and it won't take long to appear in the app store and therefore in public's phone.
- No matter what I watch at night, I always wake up to find Two and a Half Men. CHarlie Sheen is a dooche who thinks saying the ovbouse is funny. I don't think i've once 'lol'ed cus of that show.
- This week I'm gonna look into fitted waldrobes and beds. I think a fitted waldrobe is out of my budget but I'm gonna look it up anyway.
- I really can't wait 'till midnight when I get paid, I have to be resourceful today and try and not spend any money except for the fiver in my wallet. I've got fags so it should be OK.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:31, Reply)

This week's "Idea that I really really want that'll never happen" is that I want to learn how to play the violin

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Woah, back up there...
You can get handjobs on the NHS now?
Also, the violin is quite hard. Can I suggest you try an easier instrument?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:37, Reply)

I suggest the recorder
or the triangle.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:38, Reply)

I think so, it's all very clinical, they probably wear cloves, but I don't mind that. I presume they're very efficient, which works for me too, it makes no difference to me if it lasts 25 seconds or 5 minutes, and they can always move onto the next person
afterwards. I think I prefer it clinical, in their mind it being no different to checking a prostate or checking someone's blood pressure. I won't even feel bad about not buying them chocolates or flowers.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:39, Reply)

I suspect the entire jobby might be prostate fired

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Can't you just get hookers on the NHS
or have I imagined that? Or are they called "sexual surrogates" or something more official sounding?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Oh good, I'll remember that when speaking to the doc later.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:41, Reply)

for autisms and down's people?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:42, Reply)

*takes notes*

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:52, Reply)

I want to learn to play the guitar
I have three of them sitting in my lounge and a willing teacher so really it's quite viable. But I think I'd have to cut my nails.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:37, Reply)

I realised that my hand is far too spazzy to make the requisit claw shapes to make notes come out

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Nonsense, playing the guitar is easy.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:41, Reply)

I can play an A chord!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Do you use it to duff up pedo drug dealers?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:42, Reply)

what the fuck are you talking about? on a guitar mother fucker

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:58, Reply)

I'll show you how hard I can make it...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Just learn D, A and E
and you can play any song* U2 ever wrote.

Or just open tune it, and you don't really need chord shapes

*insofar as any U2 thing can be called a song.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:45, Reply)

I learnt this the other day on james may's Man Lab
Are you james may?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:46, Reply)

No, I'm not.
I am a stratospherically lazy guitarist though.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Do you ever wish you were
Or are you more of a "Clarkson man"?

Hamster hammond is my favourrite, he's so funny with his big eyes and brain damage
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Clarkson is basically the world's greatest troll
however, I have no desire to be like any of them.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:00, Reply)

I like May.
His toy stories series was excellent, especially the Spitfire one.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:08, Reply)

He is much better away from "top gear"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Did you see man lab
when they sent the ashes of a budgie and cat up to the edge of sapce for a "sapce buriel" it was brilliant, and how I would like to be disposed of
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:13, Reply)

I think Monty's budget will only extend to dumping you off Westminster bridge.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:16, Reply)

I actually expected him to pop up with some sort of body disposal plan
where is he anyway?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:17, Reply)

He's probably out and about buying up football memorabilia
now that he's really into the beautiful game.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:29, Reply)

More likely to be bidding on this:
www.windsorstar.com/Hitler+linens+auction/5776635/story.html
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:32, Reply)

I didn't, no.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:17, Reply)

Thanks for the offer Nakers
I'm flattered, but I'm not gay.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:53, Reply)

: (

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:04, Reply)

I find just having a decent guitar in my living room
but not bothering to know how to play it acheives the main effect, which is to make women think you are artistic and deep and therefore encourage them to remove their clothes with you, but without all the bother of actually having to learn how to play.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Have none of them asked you to serenade them?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:44, Reply)

The drugs have usually kicked in before then.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:46, Reply)

I suspect these women had already made their decision.
The guitar just helped them justify it as the right one.
I've been playing nearly all my life and it has contributed little to my success with women.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:51, Reply)

you need more incapacitating drugs, then.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Tried that, but they've usually buggered off by the time I come round again.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:06, Reply)

You get these hard bits of skin at the end of your fingers, rock hard and rough. Learning to play the guitar, in that respect, is a group desision.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:41, Reply)

What's the app about?
I hope it's about angry birds, i love angry birds, you should make it about angry birds
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Just tell them you think they've put on weight
That usually makes them quite angry.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:39, Reply)

+ but only on your arse, face and legs, not on your tits

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:41, Reply)

EXTREME SPORTS VIDEOS PERSONALLY SELECTED BY THE [name in that sport's industry]'S INBOX AND INTO YOUR RETINAS ON THE MOVE !!!!!

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:43, Reply)

My housemate is doing an app for his course.
It is the most stressed I have ever seen him.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:45, Reply)

He should make a yogic claming app to help

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:47, Reply)

I am fantastic.
I have woken up to discover that a mate who went to Krakow last week bought me a load of fags which turned up in the post today, as a thanks for giving him a detailed list of where to go/what to do.
Also I'm going abroad in two days. Good week so far.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:40, Reply)

A woman I work with was off for weeks with arsenic poisoning
from knock-off Eastern Europe fags.

Just saying, like.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Well I've got through twenty six packs of Camel Blues I bought in Krakow airport last month.
And I'm still feeling dandy. Another ten packs from the same place can't hurt.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:00, Reply)

FAMOUS LAST WORDS

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:02, Reply)

The coats of london are crossing their sleeves

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:06, Reply)

pfft

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Nov 2011, 11:08, Reply)