MOrnin

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 8:54, 255 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Morning
We're all a little late getting going today no?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 8:57, Reply)

Looks like it !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:00, Reply)

I blame the thorn that went straight through the sole of my trainers for my lateness.
It took me 10 minutes to get it out so I missed my train. I split a finger nail and bent a key. I eventually had to pull it out with my teeth.

Hope I hadn't trodden in anything nasty. Should I get a tetanus shot now?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Nah, but please take photos of yourself every hour
so we can chart your decline and death.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:22, Reply)

It'd be more interesting than that fucker growing his hair.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Who is this?

( Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:25, Reply)

I think I may be mixing up my tedious youtube videos actually.
Wasn't there one of a bloke who didn't cut his hair for two years and took a photo everyday or something?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:26, Reply)

I had a dream that I stood in dog poo, scrapped the poo off with my hand, and then had to cook a meal in a kitchen without a tap to wash my hands.
I donno what this means, but it seems related.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:29, Reply)

It means you love me and feel my pain.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Morning!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 8:58, Reply)

Jeff, what do you recon? Instead of getting a TV service...
... I'm gonna get a www.boxee.tv instead.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:00, Reply)

I'm on my phone
At the moment, I'll Google that a bit later.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:03, Reply)

It looks alright to me.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Alright?
My guts are in turmoil this morning, I've already been on the can twice, and my bathroom is so cold since they took the radiator out that I didn't know if I was shaking with cold or with the effort of totally evacuating my entire colon.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:00, Reply)

Nice curry was it?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:01, Reply)

One of the best ever.
We actually under-ordered and had to get MORE DRY MEAT.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Best extra order EVAH!

( Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:18, Reply)

That was a really, really good meal.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:19, Reply)

It was indeed.
I still haven't been able to contemplate any sort of breakfast.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:22, Reply)

I was drinking round your way yesterday
Didn't see you anywhere though, but I did see Alistair Darling strolling along Victoria Embankment.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Either you put that on facebook, or two people I know saw Alistair Darling last night...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:27, Reply)

I don't think I put it on facebook...
*checks*
Nope, not me...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:29, Reply)

You should have come for a curry.
Alistair Darling was there and everything.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:29, Reply)

I would've gazzed a few London b3tans to see if they fancied a pint
But sadly my boss was with me and I don't know how he would have taken the suggestion that we meet the people I talk to when I should be working...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Plus that cunt Darling always orders more food than everyone and never pays his fair share

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:33, Reply)

He walks round this area a lot.
I've seen him crossing Hungerford Bridge (or whatever it's actually called in its new fancy guise) a couple of times.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Probably trawling for cock

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:36, Reply)

I waved mine at him

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:37, Reply)

No wonder it was the first time I'd ever seen him laughing.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Doesn't your towel wrack now heat up the bathroom along with your towels?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:02, Reply)

It's not been installed yet
they've only just finished tiling the walls.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:18, Reply)

You need to get your shit together.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:30, Reply)

I feel your pain, Al
After several pints around some cheap boozers in that London, I returned home for a very spicy paneer chettinad with pulao rice and am now teetering on a knife edge.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:07, Reply)

Morning Gonz

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Mornin' AA
How's the swagger?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:03, Reply)

Not too bad, not too bad at all thanks Gonz
Was a bit pissed off last night, but ah well.

Made a lovely stew the other night, having a portion of it tonight, should be good!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Anything worth venting?
I gotta freeze my onion soup today, I don't have any containers or freezer space for it, I might just dispose of it, it was easy enough to make.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Nah, tis football related
The football was a tad irritating, but ah well. It was my mate texting me and gloating the entire time was really pissing me off.

Never good to throw away food, but I know how you mean, I'm the same. Is there anyone you could maybe give it to instead?

My soup was chorizo, bacon, onion, peppers, potatoes, chicken stock, paprika, plenty of cayenne pepper, and a few other bits. Very spicy, very nice.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:41, Reply)

Nobody I can think of.
Cool, soup sounds good.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:02, Reply)

They bought some magic beans from a geordie
And they grew into a donkey.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Last night was by no means a bad game for him, tbh
Better than other games he's had.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:55, Reply)

I am aware you think this
Just taking a moment to compare his strikerate with, say, Shane Long. :)
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Well, these things happen.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

His confidence is shattered. He'll come good.
I think Liverpool is probably the wrong place for him, but, could be OK. The lovely lovely shirehorse.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:08, Reply)

*nods*
*non-committal grunt*
*avoids eye contact*
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:05, Reply)

You are me at my Christmas dinner last night.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Must be bloody miserable having to enter into such festivities in your condition

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:08, Reply)

Hey! Tedious benders can have fun too, you know.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:10, Reply)

We can, we really can!
Although not last night.

Also, I'm not sure Tedious Benders is strictly Shakespearean*.

*Strictly Shakespearean, coming soon on Saturday nights on BBC4, no doubt.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:12, Reply)

SHHHHH.
Someone from the BBC might be reading this and commission it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:16, Reply)

I think B3ta is more BBC3.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:22, Reply)

No, I've laughed at things on b3ta
I've never seen anything funny on BBC3
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:23, Reply)

There was...um...
...didn't Gavin & Stacey start on BBC3?

Oh, I see what you mean.


(Although I love Being Human actually, that makes BBC3 just about worth keeping).
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Mongrels is BBC3 isn't it?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:39, Reply)

oh man i liked the chimp last night
well good
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Being Human is excellent

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:42, Reply)

It is.
Although now that George is following Mitchell out the door, I'm a bit worried it's not going to carry on being.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Hmm, not good
I do have quite a soft spot for Annie though, phwoar!

Also, I'm rather fond of her sister.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Haha, yeah', I've had a few exes where that was the protical next morning

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:31, Reply)

No, just taking a shit.
Literally.

My father's sent me a superb Shakespearean insult generator and I was going to share it, but I intend to be making liberal use of it in the coming months and don't want to 'show my workings' so nerr.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:05, Reply)

I have a Shakesperean Insults Mug
So I don't need your workings you lump of foul deformity.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:07, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1459326
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:23, Reply)

If you're looking sympathy, then you won't find it here. Perhaps you'll find it in the dictionary somewhere between shit and syphilis.
/ac
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:32, Reply)

If only there was some sort of global spanning lattice
that one could search for such a thing,
Thou rancorous pottle-deep mangy-dog!
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Morning
I wish the weather could decide what to do. It was getting wonderfully crisp last night around 9, but then this morning it's back to being a damp chiller cabinet.

I want crisp white parks dammit!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:14, Reply)

It's rather nice up here in Finchley.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:22, Reply)

Lovely in Finchley.
Hmm.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:28, Reply)

I know.
Not a phrase I ever thought I'd use.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:30, Reply)

verily you quenders!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:22, Reply)

lol

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:22, Reply)

ah shit replied to the wrong one this was supposed to be to the victorian insults thing

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:23, Reply)

I rather liked it as a reply regarding the weather!

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:28, Reply)

yeah but your obviously some sort of coque quaffing blaggard!
lol
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:30, Reply)

LOL
lol

(lol)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:32, Reply)

forsooth quender! en gard!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:33, Reply)

*proffers griddlepan*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:35, Reply)

stop quending at me!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:37, Reply)

NEVER
for I am an incorrigible bumlord.

Alright I'm stopping now, feel sick.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:40, Reply)

yeah i gave up when himjim took it serious, fucken dippit shitcunt prick

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Yeah but you wish you were a quintessential english chap like the b3tans

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:45, Reply)

like as fuck i does, bunch of fanny dodgers the lot of em

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Forsooth! Thine insults sting from afar
you rambunctious imbiber of jizm.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:35, Reply)

oh go fuck yerself you prick

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:36, Reply)

The games we play.

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:40, Reply)

that will be the title of the film in which my character brutally bum rapes your character and after years of therapy you visit me in jail and i STILL give you a big bumming rape and in the end there's no moral to the story

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:41, Reply)

So arthouse then

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:44, Reply)

bit too rapey for arthouse, gonna have steve mcfadden as the lead

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Farthouse
I think. Wet.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Beautiful here in west London, sunny and crisp

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:24, Reply)

...but, sadly, chock full of cunts.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:27, Reply)

It was here in Edinburgh too
The air tasted so much like snow, I was surprised to find I wasn't in the middle of a blizzard.

Edit: Lovely and sunny now.
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:26, Reply)

That's what I'm really looking for
Love the snow, especially in London. Keeps all the cunts inside.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:29, Reply)

We've got a bit up here
It's been very cold for a few days and it keeps threatening to chuck it down overnight, but nothing's really happened yet.
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:34, Reply)

I can't wait 'till the snow comes down, that with a wrap of smack and it'll be like god is tucking me into my street bed with a snow-dovet and then giving me a kiss good night until I fall into a hpyothermic oblivan.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:33, Reply)

I'm in a car wash, where are you?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:22, Reply)

Hey, Rose Royce!

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Home, I'm not in too much pain today, I think my brokenness has unbroked.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Morning
I have finally sorted out my sleeping schedule so I'm not awake all night and asleep all day. This makes me happy.

I've been doing some work on a little side project recently. If you're not interested in skiing or snowboarding, look away now.

Inspired by a series of increasingly shit articles on skiing in Scotland in various papers, I've had a go at putting together a fairly comprehensive guide to what you should take with you, how to interpret snow forecasts, what to bear in mind if you're going on a day trip and so on. It's in three sections - roughly corresponding to general advice applicable anywhere in the world, stuff that's specific to Scotland, and advice on making day trips. It's still in a very unfinished form so any comments would be appreciated, but I think it's worth reading if you're planning to go skiing for the first time.
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:33, Reply)

i haven't read your post and i'm not going to
but i've assumed that your a cunt
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:34, Reply)

Most people take at least a few minutes to come to that conclusion
I commend you.
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:35, Reply)

it was the extended text that done it, i saw all them words and i was like
'cunt'
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Once, twice,
Three-and-a-half-thousand times a cunt.
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:43, Reply)

The app I'm working on at home has a load of skiing/snowboarding videos, true story.
Apparently the season is really late this year. One of our brands, Whitelines, just organised the world's longest rail for snowboarding.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Good name.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:38, Reply)

cos it means DRUGS
greatbigmassivegrownupLOLs
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Well observed, Captain Maturity.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:47, Reply)

STOP QUENDING ME

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:48, Reply)

You're quending yourself.
I am merely an observer, you fucking dunce.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:53, Reply)

verily forsooth your quending has verily disturbed my countenance and there shall be vengeance verily in your quendering

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:54, Reply)

Brilliant work.
More please.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Go, prick thy face, and over-red thy fear,
Now THAT'S a good name.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:41, Reply)

Yes it is.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:43, Reply)

It's the only one I know.
From my GCSE Macbeth.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:44, Reply)

I had King Lear and Twelfth Night,
both of which are shit.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:45, Reply)

As far as his "comedies" go
Twelfth Night is pretty much the best.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:50, Reply)

Christ alive. It's awful.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:09, Reply)

We had Henry IV parts one and two
Lots of drinking and violence.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:54, Reply)

Julius Caesar for us

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:56, Reply)

I think I win in the tedious stakes
Taming Of The Shrew.

AND they made us go and see Kiss Me, Kate as a result.

Then did Merchant Of Venice, which I actually really liked.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:03, Reply)

"thou cream faced loon"
is a personal favourite of mine.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:54, Reply)

i bet you've had more cream on your face than anyone else here

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:56, Reply)

what?
i don't understand you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:00, Reply)

i emant htat birds with high powered city jobs usually like to be submissive in their private life to get a balance
so they bukkake themselfs out to japanese businessmen
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:03, Reply)

accurate as ever
how well you know me

nearly hit the 3,000 OT posts in less than 3 months now. what a record...

... a stuck record...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:08, Reply)

lonely, lonely swipe
if only one of the desperate creepers here would fling one up you and give you a cuddle after
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:13, Reply)

it's funny because
if you actually knew anything about me, you'd know that the chance to have enough time to be lonely would be a peaceful blessing.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:20, Reply)

you can be lonely in a crowded room

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:25, Reply)

genuine serious answer here
i've never felt lonely in my life. rare occasions when i am by myself i fucking love a bit of solitude. sure it might change as i get older, but i can't see that happening.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Tee Hee Eee

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:03, Reply)

It's pretty late on the continent, yeah
Canada is fine and it's on course up here for a start in the next couple of weeks, which is fairly standard.
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:41, Reply)

cool

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:04, Reply)

There's fuck all in the Alps
it's fine everywhere else. The Brits are just terrifying precious about skiing = French Alps.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Also, I've never "got" rails
they are a piece of piss on a snowboard and unfeasibly hard on skis. something a little more "middling" would make more sense.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:53, Reply)

Oh man I had the best meal EVA!! yesterday. CHCB stuffed herself full of meat
Although unlike Al my iron guts are fine and dandy this morning *does a little skip*

It's my last day at work which is cool. Although I should probably start looking for something at some point. I heard Jeff is amazing at looking at CVs so I am going to be super nice to him and maybe he'll offer to look at mine which would be super nice of him.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:51, Reply)

I give it 4 hours
I doubt you could be super nice for any longer.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:56, Reply)

I'm only super nice to interesting people

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:57, Reply)

hello all
how is everyone's tuesday?

i am hungover after drinking banana vodka last night on my date (i am surprised he liked me as much as he did, no way would i like anyone who was drinking banana vodka) but is my christmas do today, so hopefully (for you lot) fucking off at about 2pm.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Sorry swipe but you are no longer in my wank bank.
Banana Vodka... yeuch.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:56, Reply)

SEX PEST II
Pest Harder with a vengeance
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:58, Reply)

http://www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1459424
"hello, Mr Kettle? I've got a Quentinsel Pot on line 2. Wants to talk about the Black account"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:00, Reply)

how is my insult to a chunker putting it about me being a sex pest?
i'm not sure you understand how the itnernet works whirlybirdo
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:01, Reply)

you clearly do though
heading up to beat 5,000 posts in 3 months. that's quite the record there, lifeless.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:02, Reply)

i've been really quiet for days :(((((

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:03, Reply)

why don't you try not posting until the new year?
2014?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:04, Reply)

kk bbz
wehy don't you try not being fat/desperate/unfunny/overly upset until then too?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:07, Reply)

you got it lifeless

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:09, Reply)

STOP BEING MEAN TO ME

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:11, Reply)

If I have to explain it
I suspect there is just the tiniest chance that it's you that doesn't understand how the world works in general. But, don't despair, there's still time, you are only 15 after all.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:03, Reply)

its true, so much yet more to come

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:04, Reply)

I think you'll find I have never denied this.
I take it as a point of honour that Chompy finds my creepy.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:00, Reply)

telling someone they're no longer in your wank bank?
verily you giveth whilst taking away, sir.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:58, Reply)

He's like one of the biggest wankers on this board

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Yup, that I do.
Still I'm sure you can 'console' the little lady Mr Badge.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:01, Reply)

we've discussed terms
but so far his offers of champagne, satin bed sheets, twin roll top bath tubs on the private terrace overlooking the gloucestershire countryside, 8 foot four poster bed and 3 shots of viagra vodka each are not enough to compensate for my fear that he might leave his pink socks on during sex.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:04, Reply)

you can get viagra vodka? seriously?
fucking hell. The mind boggles.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:04, Reply)

well, you can't buy it
but you can make it, yes.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:10, Reply)

christ, what for?
well - i mean, I know what for ... but what for?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:12, Reply)

when the goods are that unappealing, you need all the help you can get

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:14, Reply)

oh come on
don't waste your goal of 3,000 posts on the same old repetitive shit. i mean, that's a big deal for you, you've worked so hard to get there.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:19, Reply)

tjhis shits easier than you at a christmas party

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:24, Reply)

if only you were as sparkling and interesting
you tedious little mongmong
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:25, Reply)

mwah xxxxxx

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:26, Reply)

urgh, close your mouth when you do that
i don't want mongmong slobber on me
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:27, Reply)

get all you can, you'll be too old soon

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:27, Reply)

yeah
because that happens in real life. you tool. you can get laid however young or old you are!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:30, Reply)

most can, you can't

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:37, Reply)

it took you that long to come up with that?
boring is bad enough. boring and slow... jeeez.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:42, Reply)

I'm quite sure she can console herself, old boy.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Ah, what an image.....
*reinstates Swipe in wank bank*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Morning all
How are we today?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 6 Dec 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Still alive but barely breathing.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Unlucky mon.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Poor Badge.
*proffer lemsip*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Why? Who died?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Jimmy Saville.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:05, Reply)

you're well known for your conflict resolution abilities and your knowledge of facebook
What do you do if someone deletes you on facebook because you didn't respond to a facebook message simply saying "hey" you recieved while on a train.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:08, Reply)

You laugh at the overly sensitive prick.
And congratulate yourself on no longer having to deal with them.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Cunt them in the fuck, obviously

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:11, Reply)

marry him

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:12, Reply)

It's a girl obviously, I would deal with a guy doing the same thing by loling and then telling his friends.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:13, Reply)

MARRY HIM

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:14, Reply)

In that case
beg for forgiveness and woo her until she falls in love with you, because she doesn't sound like she'd be high maintenance at all.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:14, Reply)

^very very much this.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:18, Reply)

I have a feeling you're both trying to ruin my life.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Send them a series of increasingly disturbing naked photos of yourself.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Ha ha
This is why I asked you.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:14, Reply)

chalk her up as the 137th teenager you're never gonna get to molest and move on

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:14, Reply)

why you so bitter rachelswipe? you had a hard life?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:22, Reply)

It's funny because gonz is dyslexic.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

i get it!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:08, Reply)

gary speed, you insensitive prick.
Didn't you know Gonz is a Welsh Jew? *launches into tearful chorus of "Bagel of Heaven"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

I had no idea who he was before he died.
I just knew him as one of the many rent-a-pundits I see on sofas talking bollocks.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:09, Reply)

yep, but then presumably you are a mere child.
That or you watched no football at all from about 1990 to 2006ish.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Like me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Finally, you have embraced your desperate need for validation.
It's OK though, we like you, we do.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Hahahha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:21, Reply)

"like" might be over-egging the pudding a bit
"pity" is closer to the core of it.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:23, Reply)

*cries*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:37, Reply)

He was also a very caring and sensitive lover
What do you mean 'too soon'?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:12, Reply)

That's quite an achievement
unless you have no interest in football, in which case it makes sense.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:14, Reply)

I like football a lot,
I just have no memory for names and usually turn it off as soon as the games over.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:15, Reply)

In that case, it really is quite an achievement.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:16, Reply)

There are only 5 players to have played more than 500 games in Premier League
of which Speed is one, so that's a SPECTACULARLY bad memory.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:17, Reply)

+ he's played for more Premiership teams than Chompy's sent cock-gazzes.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:20, Reply)

I remember Cantona played for Manchester united.
.... that's it.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:20, Reply)

I've heard of Stanley Matthews.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:21, Reply)

my dad wanted to name me after him if i'd been a boy

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:26, Reply)

my dad wanted to call me Cynthia if I was a girl
the stupendous cunt.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:29, Reply)

you so know that's what i'm going to call you now, right?
funnily enough i had a (smoking hot) maths teacher at school who always called me cynthia.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:33, Reply)

You mean you don't find badly-suited cretins
stating the arse-clenchingly obvious OVER AND OVER A-FUCKING-GAIN FOR HOURS entertaining?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:20, Reply)

^^ Fashion expert right here

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Speaking. How may I help?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:21, Reply)

How do you get jizz out of tartan?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Dinnae spill your orange jizz in the first place, lad.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:28, Reply)

epic accent fail, chap.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Hugely unfunny too
Sadly, I decided to write it, even knowing this.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:33, Reply)

That does not sound terribly authentic in my head
^^^ And what he said
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Hahhahahaha
You're an accent spaz.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Spaz in general, really

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:36, Reply)

choose a tartan
that jizz does not show on.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Might be slightly too late for that now
Anyway, how many tartans don't show up jizz FFS?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:33, Reply)

I can't say I've tested mine
but I reckon it'd be OK. Dress MacDonald so a fair bit of cream anyway.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Thankfully it's not on my kilt - which is Black Isle

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I've just realised that this does not sound good if it's not on MY kilt.
For clarity, the jizz in question is on a ladies mini kilt, ok?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:44, Reply)

well, ceilidhs can get a little exciting..

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Not usually THAT exciting though

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:51, Reply)

well, if you aimed REALLY carefully on Black Isle you might get away with it.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Er...how?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:51, Reply)

black isle is grey criss-cross on black background, isn't it?
so aim for where two grey heavy bands overlap. It's almost white. It's just quite a small target.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:53, Reply)

Not really, mine is the full dress one
It's almost completely black.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 11:02, Reply)

With FREEDOM.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Send it to Liz jones

(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:36, Reply)

^this is a contender for POTD.
So somebody please up the game, we don't need to be offering chompy praise.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:39, Reply)

I don't actually get this
Is liz jones well known for sucking spunk of kilts?
( Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:49, Reply)

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2056875/Liz-Jones-baby-craving-drove-steal-husbands-sperm-ultimate-deception.html
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:50, Reply)

She's the woman who stole used condoms from her partner to get pregnant

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Didn't you see
the weapons-grade mental (and I mean weapons-grade by her standards, not the rest of us) article she wrote about being so desperate for a baby that she was harvesting spunk on the sly from the used condoms after blokes shagged her and shoving it back up there? And how no man should trust a woman not to do that because really ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT, THE MENTALLY UNSTABLE BABY FACTORIES?

Terrifying. Regardless of whether it's true or not, the state of her mind is remarkable.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:52, Reply)

But I've been told that she's actually just very clever and this entire thing is an elaborate joke
on us stupid people who think she is merely a cunt.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:56, Reply)

No, I'm inclined to think that she's a cunt and perhaps now frantically trying to undo the damage already done

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:59, Reply)

The obvious statements are what grind my gears.
"they've got to start scoring goals"
"If they'd scored here then it would have been a draw"
(PsychoChomp, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:22, Reply)

well, true
when Gary Neville is a breath of fresh air as an analyst, you know you've pretty much hit the bottom of the barrel.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:28, Reply)

I know.
I am dangerously close to liking him at the moment.

I'm sure they'll beat the banality into him soon enough though.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I loved the description of Luiz
as "like he's controlled by a 10 year old on a playstation"

The fact that Villas-Boas spat the dummy over it just shows it hit the mark.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:41, Reply)

'They won't be happy with that.
They'll have wanted to win that match, not lose it'.

Thanks for that, you simpleton.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Morning
I just walked three miles. I feel like I should do something productive now.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:36, Reply)

start a new thread??

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Go on, go crazy.
Talk about your shoes or something.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:39, Reply)

why do you want to hear about amberl's shoes?
weirdo
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:41, Reply)

They're very nice
I don't know why he wouldn't want to hear about my shoes
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Exactly, I don't have a reason why I wouldn't want to hear about your shoes
so please tell me about your shoes.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:43, Reply)

i'm sure they're beautiful
i'm also equally sure he is a weirdo. but perhaps no more so than a lot of people on here.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:47, Reply)

And now he knows

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:49, Reply)

It's a shame I've already had my morning wank.

( Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Save it for later
the thread will still be there
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:52, Reply)

yay
two new threads to play in!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 Dec 2011, 10:50, Reply)