Internet hero HimJim claims never to have seen 'Carry on Up the Khyber'.
Until recently I had never been to a 'football match'. What is there that everyone but you seems to have seen/done/whatever - excluding that most hilarious of replies, 'MY MUM'. At my age I don't think I could cope with that level of humour, and might die.

Alt: best 'Carry On' film? 'Khyber', 'Camping' or 'Don't Lose Your Head', I'd say. The LOLarious antics of 'The Black Fingernail' have me in fits every time. I'm so 'into film' that I have had a half-formed idea for an essay on 'the 'Carry On' films as British social barometer' for many years now. I really am that dull.

Alt alt: perhaps you hate the 'Carry On' films. Why is this? Are you bent or something? Do the adventures of 'Dr Tinkle' and his pals hold no mirth for you?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:12, 240 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I haven't seen Withnail and I.
People look at me like I've shit on their nan when I tell them that. I don't drink tea or coffee like it's going out of fashion. That makes me weird. I used to be a vegetarian and I'd never eaten meat, fish or eggs until the age of 28.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:18, Reply)

OK yeah I'm odd.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:19, Reply)

I wish I hadn't.
Bar a couple of scenes it's shit. And not 'good shit' like Jackie Chan films, 'shit shit'. Awful student 'ooh look they get pissed and take some drugs' bollocks.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:19, Reply)

This is what I'm afraid of.
My good mate bought it the other day and I told him I hadn't seen it. He and his missus both looked at me like I'd shit on their respective grandmothers and insisted I watched it. That kind of fanatical dedication freaks me out because if I think it's shit I won't able to break their porcelain dreams of sharing something awesome with me.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:23, Reply)

I don't know your friends, obviously,
but I will happily wager £100 internet pounds (the only kind I have available to me) that were you to watch it with them, one or more of the following would happen:
1) they will 'say the lines' either just before or after they appear, and guffaw heartily
2) they'll keep checking on you after each 'classic scene' to make sure you are in full appreciation of its 'genius'
3) you will end up hating your friends' guts
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:26, Reply)

Number 1, unlikely, these guys are wonderful people.
2, quite possibly. 3, no chance, as above.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:31, Reply)

My brother saw The Matrix long after everyone else on "video"
and said that the people he watched it with ruined it by constantly telling him what was about to happen or going, "ooh there's a good bit coming up".

I was, I confess, one of those people.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:31, Reply)

The Matrix is shit guff for bellends and LARPers.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:41, Reply)

It's all subjective innit.
I happen to think it's ace.
( girlinthehole, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:44, Reply)

Never seen Forest Gump.
And I've never seen the Carry on films either.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:19, Reply)

I am unable to watch any film with that cunt Hanks in.
I once saw 'Big' and that was quite sufficient, thank you. He's a fucking wanker.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:22, Reply)

I don't think he's that bad.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:23, Reply)

You should get a job as a film critic.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:24, Reply)

You're right,
WATCH OUT, 'PAUL ROSS'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:27, Reply)

Seriously Paul, watch out - I am planning to kill you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:27, Reply)

IT'S TV'S PAUL ROSS
Show some fucking respect.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:39, Reply)

Soz, Doz.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:07, Reply)

I've never seen This is Spinal Tap.
I feel none the worse for it.

Carry on up the khber is a superb film. Particularly the dining scene where they are under bombardment, and too formal to mention it.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:23, Reply)

Actually Spinal Tap is in parts as good as people think it is.
It is a masterpiece of parody.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:29, Reply)

It is very nearly completely ruined by 'Billy Crystal' though.
He's in it for less than a minute but that's enough. What a fucking spastic.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:30, Reply)

You've spoiled it now.
I hope you die shortly after Christmas.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:35, Reply)

Well, I hope to see it one day,

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:32, Reply)

so, this "sex" people not on the internet keep having
any good?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:32, Reply)

You are asking the wrong people here

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:01, Reply)

It was the family mens christmas curry night last night.
My farts are disgusting today.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:34, Reply)

How disgusting?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:41, Reply)

Disgusting enough to wake me up and make me leave the room.

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:15, Reply)

Shit dude, what the fuck did you have at the curry house?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Anal

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Bombay Duck, Garlic Naan, Aubergine Bhaji.

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Carry on Abroad was pretty good.
Made all the better by the fact that when I first went abroad, to Lanzarote on my honeymoon, none other than Jimmy Logan was on my flight and I stood next to him on the wee airport bus.

Jimmy Logan appeared in Carry on Abroad as an atypical hard drinking Scotsman. I never had the bottle to commend him on his accurate porttayal of my fellow countryman.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:35, Reply)

I have never seen a carry on film.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:35, Reply)

There's some good moments in carry on films but they look a bit dated now.
Frying tonight! etc...
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:37, Reply)

Star Wars.
Never seen any of these films and have no desire to do so.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:40, Reply)

A confirmed trekkie is what you are.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:41, Reply)

What's a 'trekkie'? Something to do with hill walking?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:43, Reply)

Yes, in a boldly going manner.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:44, Reply)

I think I could recite every one of those films for you.
My son is obsessed with them.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:42, Reply)

I'll pass on that thanks.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:43, Reply)

You sure? I could come round and act it out with Lego.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:44, Reply)

No? What about if I used star wars action figures?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:53, Reply)

I know that passes for an extremely sophisticated evening in Scotland but I'll pass all the same. Thanks for the offer.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:55, Reply)

Aww man, guess I'll have to do it on youtube then we can watch it together.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:56, Reply)

You are slightly scaring me now.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:10, Reply)

Nah, it'll be cool. We can dress up in costumes and then have a wrestle.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Star Wars is brilliant.
Love them!
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:51, Reply)

Halfords heroes
In other words the dickheads who spend £1000 on a car and then spend £6000 adding spoilers, stupidly sized alloys, an exhaust pipe the size of a sewer drain and a 100000 watt stereo.

Why don't they just buy a car for £7000 to start with?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:48, Reply)

Because they are as individual as the next Halfords hero next to them

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:03, Reply)

Never been to Disneyland
Never seen Scarface
Never had a birthday party in McDonalds
Never tried drugs (apart from spliff)
Never had a ra-ra skirt.

I like Screaming, Camping and Abroad. My mum doesn't always let us watch them. I'm 33 and my Dad's almost 55.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:55, Reply)

I had a birthday party a wimpy when I was a lad.
You should totally have a mcdonalds birthday party next year.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:57, Reply)

I hear they're not the same now.
In my day it was all new and exciting so you got a tour of the kitchens and a cup of root beer at the end.
I used to go to Wimpy for my birthday, but it was like a shit restaurant then.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 8:59, Reply)

That's sad to hear. You should do it anyway, just to say you have had one.
I also miss Wimpy. They had real plates and cutlery.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:00, Reply)

Nah, I'm going to make sure I never do any of those things now.
The only one I'm miffed about is the skirt.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Nowt to stop you doing that.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:02, Reply)

Don't think they make them any more and it's not really my style these days

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Ah well, chin up and all that.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:06, Reply)

I want a jumpsuit like Ginger Rogers now

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:08, Reply)

Haloween costume right there.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:13, Reply)

Not like that1

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:14, Reply)

Never been a litterbug, given head, taken drugs.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:03, Reply)

This reads like a song lyric

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:05, Reply)

Funny that...

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:05, Reply)

That's OK then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:05, Reply)

I picked up a coke can once and threw it into the gutter, it wasn't even mine.
Just my luck a copper saw me and told me I could have caused a car crash. I sobbed and sobbed. Never before or since have I dropped litter.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:06, Reply)

That's good.
Litter Buggery is a bad thing.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:07, Reply)

I knew that,
trust my one act of rebellion to be spotted by a bizzy
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:09, Reply)

I have never been to a football match and I have no plans to go any time soon
Alt: 'Carry on' films are fucking shit
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:00, Reply)

I never went on a bus until I was about 15

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Not even a sunshine one?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:04, Reply)

after the "stickle-brick incident" i wasn't allowed to play with others again

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:07, Reply)

This is understandable

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:08, Reply)

They would be fucking painful up the arse
...I imagine.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:16, Reply)

It'd be like a chimney sweep when they were pulled out

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Like being roughly buggered by a tiger
'cos they have those spiky penises, you see.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:23, Reply)

+I

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:25, Reply)

I've never seen or read anything beyond the first half of the first Harry Potter book and film.
I've also never seen a Carry On Film all the way through, although I did used to watch those 'Carry On Laughing' clip shows.

When I sat down to watch a full film, I realised there was lots of dull talking and bad acting and really appalling jokes in between the few good bits they cobbled together into those clip shows and was very disappointed.

tl:dr version: I'm bent.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:03, Reply)

bent correct and bent
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:06, Reply)

I read one of the Harry Potter books when I'd run out of my books on holiday once
It read like a Choose Your Own Adventure book. i.e. shit
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:06, Reply)

So nothing like a Choose Your Own Advenure book then?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:07, Reply)

It just didn't seem to flow at all
Dreadful writing
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:07, Reply)

Yeah, that's pretty much what I thought.
I forgot to take a book on a flight to Canada so borrowed the first one from my then girlfriend. I was about halfway through, probably not even that, by the time we landed and never picked it up again.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:09, Reply)

I read "PS I Love You" when i had run out of all other books
i cannot even begin to tell you how awful it is. Fair enough some people want a soppy love story, I'm cool with that, but it was so cliched and so badly written and the caharacters were so two dimensional that i cannnot believe anyone ever published it.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:11, Reply)

I want to laugh and point at you for reading that.
But I've read two Jane Green books in my life. So I can't.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:13, Reply)

I was in a villa in the middle of the Tuscan hills, i had no choice
then it became sick fascination
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:14, Reply)

This was my step-daughter's book

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:14, Reply)

I have never to my knowledge eaten a red apple
I was somewhat of a latecomer to drugs, having not bothered until about 22-23.

Alt:
The hospital one was funny. Carry on Matron?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:04, Reply)

22-23?
Fuck. I used to be off my head by 8pm.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:04, Reply)

I made up for it

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:05, Reply)

red apples are shit, you are missing nothing

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:07, Reply)

You speak sooth

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:10, Reply)

for
quenderly
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:11, Reply)

VERILY

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:14, Reply)

Quoth you

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:19, Reply)

*proffers turd*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Clearly you've never had a Pink Lady.
They're gorgeous.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:12, Reply)

lezza

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:13, Reply)

*joke about having a number of different coloured ladies*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:14, Reply)

lame.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:14, Reply)

I know
*bows head in shame*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:15, Reply)

You should be ashamed.
really, I mean, come on.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Yeah, ASHAMED

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:17, Reply)

*goes to KFC*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:17, Reply)

I agree, they are quite nice and I usually prefer green apples.
But Golden delicious are crap.
( girlinthehole, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:14, Reply)

Granny Smiths out of the fridge

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:15, Reply)

Hell yeah!

( girlinthehole, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:15, Reply)

Granny Smiths are the best

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:15, Reply)

Fucking lovely!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:17, Reply)

I couldn't have them for years because they were sold by Cape
and I was all political when I was a kid so I was boycotting South African goods.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Golden Delicious apples are not the best, I agree.

(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:15, Reply)

Apples should be crunchy, not soft like GDs

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:18, Reply)

He prefers the little brown ladyboys
THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT SPORTO
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:20, Reply)

I like 'em green

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Actually i do like a Breaburn, which are kind of red
the really red ones are still shit though
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:16, Reply)

I liked Carry On films as a kid.
As an adult I have come to the conclusion they are 'fucking bent'. Worse still they should never have attempted to revive the franchise, the old ones were 'of their time, as we say when trying to excuse a well meaning but slightly racist grandparent, but the recent one(s?) were just inexcusable.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:13, Reply)

I liked the two Carry On Sherlock films they have done recently.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:14, Reply)

Are you mocking Robert Downy Jnr.?
You'd better not be. I have a man-crush on him and I shall give you a bunch of fives if you are.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Robert 'Downsy' Jr more like.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:58, Reply)

What recent ones?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:14, Reply)

Recent-ish
the one with Julian clairy in it, may well be the one Mumps names below. Never seem it, the trailers were enough.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Well i'm surprised it was poor if it had the excellent and versatile Julian clarey in it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:24, Reply)

I wasn't.
And yes, it seems there was only the one and by recent I mena nearly 20 years ago, but in all other respects I am dead right.

As ever.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:41, Reply)

Carry on Columbus was painfully shit.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:15, Reply)

Agrees
That was woeful
(mon bison powered by magnets, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I've doine everything ever.
alt: screaming
altalt: they're alright
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:15, Reply)

Have you ever eaten your own head?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:17, Reply)

He once tried to give himself head, but his mum walked in witha cup of tea
does that count?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Keep that for QOTW

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:21, Reply)

It's a winner alright, maybe I'll add that his supermodel mum was jacked up on Meth, just to cover the drugs angle

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:23, Reply)

and it all happened in a Honda Accord.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:25, Reply)

Bye bye Kim, you fucking mental.
According to Kim's former tutor, who's now living in exile in Virginia, in 1989, he had a dislike for disabled and short people. In preparation for the ‘World Festival of Youth and Students’ in the capital Pyongyang in 1989, the government distributed leaflets advertising a wonder drug that would increase the height of short people.

Those who responded to the leaflets were sent away to different uninhabited islands along with the disabled in an attempt to rid the next generation of their supposedly substandard genes.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:26, Reply)

hahahahahaha
*sets up petition on government website*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:28, Reply)

A biography on the North Korean state Website also said that King Jong-il never needed to defecate.
That's a whole other level of fucking crazy.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:32, Reply)

was he a girl?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:34, Reply)

Nope he was an epic QOTWer
North Korean state television has said that he is the best golfer in history – shooting a 30 under par, complete with a stunning 11-holes-in-one the first time an 18-hole golf course was opened in North Korea in 1994.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:35, Reply)

He was 5'2" as well
Bit of a Napoleon Complex going on there.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:46, Reply)

five eight in those platforms though.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Hmmm
If I got those platforms I might scrape six foot!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:50, Reply)

Quick, to the cobblers!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:51, Reply)

They're all fucking short in Korea.

( girlinthehole, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Dog isn't very nutrious

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Apparently in China, those in the south are taller than the north
As in the north they can't grow enough rice and have to grow wheat instead.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:32, Reply)

It's nearly fucking Christmas!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:30, Reply)

I'm not in the fucking mood for Christmas today
Grrrrr
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Fuck christmas this year, it's shit.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:33, Reply)

I with you Roota me old mucker!!!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:34, Reply)

I'm about ready to join the Pro-christmas party
*posts final christmas card*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:45, Reply)

I hope mine is in the post.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:48, Reply)

And you are?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:51, Reply)

I really don't know anymore

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Don't say that.
I haven't bought anyone anything yet. I had the best presents for my mum and aunt but they are no longer feasible and I'm stumped.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:49, Reply)

I haven't watched a carry on film
the reasoning is similar to why I haven't eaten a dogshit sandwich.
( WormuIus, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:33, Reply)

You don't own a dog?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:34, Reply)

He ran out of bread.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:42, Reply)

I've never been on a "lads holiday".
I don't think I've missed out on much.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Me neither
Was invited to Estonia next year for my mate's stag do but I've politely declined. I've met his other mates and they're dickheads to a man. I'd be lucky to get back alive.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:49, Reply)

So why have I been kept glued to your postings detailing your visitations abroad with your 'mates'

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:50, Reply)

That was a football tour

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:51, Reply)

I wouldn't describe spending two nights somewhere to watch football as a lads holiday.
In fact I'm not even sure it counts as a holiday.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:53, Reply)

I'm not sure I can think of anything better described as a "Lads Holiday"
than a trip somwhere to watch football.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:54, Reply)

The lying cunt didn't even go to the game, he turned up to 'have it large' wif his m8's
Otherwise known as a 'Lads Holiday'
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Lies on the internets?
FOR SHAME
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:57, Reply)

I've seriously pwned Barry here
I hope he cries now
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Ask him to send you some of the tears, so you can taste his defeat.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:01, Reply)

You are Mason Verger AICMCT

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Really?
I consider a lads holiday going to somewhere like Magaluf and drinking shit cocktails whilst trying to pull hanging girls from Doncaster. Not going to Rome for a couple days to take in a game of football.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:01, Reply)

I consider sarcasm to be the highest form of wit.
It doesn't make it so.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:12, Reply)

I loved the Carry On films
My son saw his first one last week - Carry on up the Khyber - and loved it. The shelling of the palace is one of the funniest moments in British cinema. I'm really into cinema.

Best one - Carry on Screaming. Fenella Fielding would most certainly have got it.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Have you seen her recently?
Scary stuff :S
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:53, Reply)

Oddly I saw her twice in two months earlier this year.
She was doing a signing in The Vintage Magazine Store in Soho when I happened to be there. And then she was doing another one at CollectorMania which shared a venue with this years MCM Expo that I went to.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:55, Reply)

I'd rather remember her as she was
Hot.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Yup, she certainly was
Smoking, in fact.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:15, Reply)

There are lots of things I've never done that most people seem to have done.
- Watched a sunrise with a loved one on a hill sitting on a tartan blanket with a bottle of champaign, two glasses and an empty box of strawberrys and cream.
- Cried a single soltitary tear as a tiny hand grab my little finger for the first time.
- Stayed up all night with someone who I _could_ have sex with, but have chosen to talk instead.
- Known what it is like to have someone who I love, love a lot of me.
- Been drunk on my own for the sake of being drunk.
- Learnt the cords to a loved one's favorite song on the guitar and sernayed her with that song.
- To help with the above, found someone who likes the song Wonderwall by this band who went by the name Oasis.
- Cried over the deep loss of the Mother to our future king; the pincesses of our hearts, as she was taken from us by the paparanazis.
- Watched The Gladiator.
- Been to a live football match.
- Made love on top of the washing machine while the spincycle is on at 40 degree economy wash.
- Smashed some crockery at the wall in anger and stormed out the room in a really manly way.

Only that last one I want to do.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 9:57, Reply)

I've kicked a door in before, that was quite manly,
Ning Gonz.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:00, Reply)

door tramp

for shame MMPS, for shame
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:05, Reply)

I'm not shamed by this.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

My dad once kicked in a door, we were in an abandoned house we wanted to buy and wanted to see the room.
I was so shocked, never thought he'd manage to do it, but 4 or 5 kicks and it was done, everyone was so shocked. Turns out there is a knack to doing it right, rather than strength, and he used to have to do it a lot in his days when he worked in property.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

First time for me. All kinds of smug.
If only it wasn't in my own house though.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:07, Reply)

I tried it once and my foot just went through it
Half-arsed chip board piece of shit.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:10, Reply)

My mate kicked a door in in the flat we lived in at uni
we glued back every splinter and the landlord never noticed...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:08, Reply)

My ex locked me out of my own flat once.
It was snowing. I had to kick my own door in and now it looks like shit. Not one of my favourite memories.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Wormulus has got tiny hands.
I'm sure he'd pull your finger if you asked.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:03, Reply)

I always assumed he would have long spindly fingers
with one long finger nail for nose picking, and they would be bizarrely soft as he never does any work and rubs in "hand cream" all day
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Wormulus is like a young Mr Burns.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:07, Reply)

I have no idea why I think that, I just made it up, I think it should stick though.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:07, Reply)

We should make up more Wormulus rumours.
Wormulus doesn't like the sport of baseball as the stitching on the ball "looks mental"
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Wormulus can't stand the taste of cheese as it reminds him of his mothers milk

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:13, Reply)

YES !
He once went to Harrods "For the ethnic experiance".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:13, Reply)

wormulus has a tattoo of Micheal Buble on his arse, when he bends over the mouth opens

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Have you seen the homer simpson vagainal tattos?
img.ffffound.com/static-data/assets/6/fc12bf3da378576345058a1dca9f5f7c21cc69c6_m.jpg

NSFW NSFW NSFW
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:16, Reply)

*moves from computer to phone*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Wormulus once gave his penis botox because he considered it to wrinkly.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Wormulus strips completely naked to have a shit

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:15, Reply)

I heard he stands up to shit and sits down to pee

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:15, Reply)

I heard that he has more scarfs than socks.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Magnificent

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I heard that he has 119 stars on Super Mario 64 and refuses to get the rest on principle.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Wormulus owns the largest collection of Elizabeth Duke rings in England.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Wormulus hates the texture of thermal paper on bare skin.

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I heard he sneeked into a pregancy-test factory and replaced all the strips with Liptus paper.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Wormulus is sexually aroused by polystyrene balls

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Wormulus once herded a sheepdog.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Wormulus had a part as an extra in 90s kids TV Show, Woof!

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Wormulus doesn't believe in giraffes
but is quite scared of werewolves
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Wormulus can't look up

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Wormulus doesn't like the Posiedon Adventure.
Everytime he sees Shelly Winters it brings him out in hives.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Wormulus owns a well stocked wine cellar.
He doesn't touch the stuff though as it's just "grape piss"
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Wormulus has four gonads

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:24, Reply)

Wormulus can actually smell what The Rock is cooking.

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Wormulus takes his own cutlery to restuarants, just incase.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Wormulus doesn't "do maths"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Wormulus had all his teeth replaced with those of deceased tramps as this gives him magic powers

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Wormulus watches live snooker for the banter.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Wormulus was abused as a child by Mike Reid
And now prefaces all sexual acts by screaming "Runaround... NOW!"
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:29, Reply)

wormulus only goes to the library for the smell of books

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Wormulus doesn't believe in Santa but won't dismiss the possibility that he might exist.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I like this one.

( WormuIus, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 11:58, Reply)

Wormulus is the youngest person to ever win Big Break.
I'm clicking all these to make an all-wormulus popular page.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Wormulus has a problem with the kids TV show funhouse.
On the grounds that it is neither fun nor a house.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:35, Reply)

I also like this one.

( WormuIus, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 11:58, Reply)

Wormulus keeps all his left shoes in a different cupboard to the right shoes
And is prepared to explain why at considerable length with diagrams.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Wormulus enjoys fishing as it's the least brutal bloodsport.

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Wormulus wears a leotard and sweatband to the gym for the lols.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Wormulus inspired the song I wanna be adored while dating Ian Brown.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:44, Reply)

Wormulus volunteers for an Elderly Charity so he can absorb their powers.

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Without the billions though.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:08, Reply)

The drunk one is easy, i did it last night
it makes TV better, but not as good as weed does
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:04, Reply)

I find TV is better when you're so out of your head that you can't remember it too.
The last show I remember watching last night was hollyoaks, and I was up watching telly 'till about 11.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I did the stay up all night in bed with a girl and talk to them instead of shagging them one on Saturday.
I'm worried I might prefer it to sex. Mostly because with talking I don't have to see the inevitable disappointment on their face after I'm finished.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:10, Reply)

simnply fuck them from behind then leave quickly

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Gaylord, unless it was the coke making you chat shit with a wonky willy.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:13, Reply)

POTD

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:26, Reply)

I've done this with a couple of people.
I actually kind of love it.
(Poppet some assembly required., Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:16, Reply)

The staying in bed all day sleeping and having sex is preferable.
With a bit of talking inbetween.
( girlinthehole, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Well shoot your 'disappointment' onto their tits instead.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Sage advice, or if you aim for the eyes she won't be able to look at you at all

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:30, Reply)

If you then leave before she can see again
You'd be like a mysterious jizz-ninja.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Given the choice I bet most birds would prefer it if you chucked your muck up em as opposed to listening to you drone on for six hours about jackets and popular former gladiator 'Wolf'

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:46, Reply)

and Fulham's European misery.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 20 Dec 2011, 10:49, Reply)