My chin hurts
As you may or may not know I got hurled out of a pub by some bouncers on Saturday, landed on my chin. As a result I have quit drinking forever. Have you ever done anything that's blah blah blah, attention-seeking blah blah blah?
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:33, 200 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

No pics of offending facial injuries?
Also I got breathalized for the first time ever yesterday. It was just one of those random police check points that pop up at this time of year.
( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:34, Reply)

Nah, I'm firmly embarrassed enough by it all as it is.
It's fair to say I had a massive lump on the bottom of my chin where a fair proportion of beard has escaped for fear of being scabbed on forever.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Forever? Or just for the next week?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Forever.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:36, Reply)

That's a long time Noel.

( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Long enough for me.
I properly scared myself at the weekend, and it's not the first time I've had massive fails while off my face. Safer, happier, less blobby and more stable without it.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:37, Reply)

I once woke up covered in blood, my clothes in tatters
not knowing where the fuck I was, following some ill-advised 'pint of vodka and Red Bull' activities.

I give you a month.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:39, Reply)

I have never even come close to being asked to leave a pub before.
The whole episode was hugely out-of-character for me, whereas I'm by no means surprised that you posted this story. I bet you've got a dozen others too. Man, you so cool.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I really don't, you know.
I never, ever lose my grip like that. It scared me shitless.

I can get absolutely fucked up and no-one can even tell, usually. I just get a bit quieter, if anything.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:44, Reply)

Exactly.
I'm not kidding, I spent Sunday and Monday in a perpetual state of shock and hangover, and there's absolutely no way I'm going to put myself in that position again. The only way I can be sure of it is by stopping completely. I've tried cutting back, I've tried moderation, and neither work for me. There's no middle ground here I'm afraid. Just wish me luck please.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:46, Reply)

Good luck hon!
You're doing the right thing and deep down we all wish we could do the same, apart from Monty, and of course Scarpe who's already ahead of you.
( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:48, Reply)

*bows deeply*

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:48, Reply)

If you're serious, then good luck.
It took me a few attempts to get this far. If you fuck it up, don't beat yourself up over it. Get help if you need it. And, god this is going to sound fucking soft, give me a shout if you want to talk about it.

OK, that's enough of that, I am now going to resume normal service by calling you a cunt.

Noel, you are a cunt.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Thanks, cunt.
I managed three or four months in 2010 and really enjoyed it. It was an attempt to moderate and I thought I had it in the bag. Saturday proved that I didn't. But yeah thanks, and I might just do that. You cunt.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:52, Reply)

I've been molested by a monkey while pissed as a fart and I'm still drinking : )

( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:59, Reply)

That's no way to talk about [redacted]

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Look, I said I was sorry, what more do you want?!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:21, Reply)

I'll wish you luck Noel.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Cheers!

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:06, Reply)

I hear you.
I was filled with a creeping dread that I was going to find out I'd done something really bad. I lost a good four hours and to this day am none the wiser. I can recall the sick, low-level panic feeling instantly.

But a week later I was back on that horse and have been fine ever since. No need to over-react, young man. MTFU, have a pint.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Haha
I still have that creeping dread, refuelled by the fact that I keep getting flashbacks of the whole episode and I'm sure the booze and shock combined have actually clicked something in my brain. Someone offered me a pint yesterday and I felt physically massively anxious. Perhaps I've found the cure.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:53, Reply)

You've gone bent.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Oh, so THAT's what that is.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:58, Reply)

Ah, bloody hell
Well, I applaud your willpower
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Applaud him in three months.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:46, Reply)

Fucking copy cat.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:36, Reply)

You're my muse baby.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:37, Reply)

+plug in

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:37, Reply)

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:37, Reply)

You do realise I'm going to stay off beer forever just to spite you now?

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Quit forever? In that case, I can recommend Becks Blue.

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Hahaha like you ever drank any Becks Blue.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Just add vodka, it'll be fine!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Hahahahahaha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:36, Reply)

I still have your two bottles left.
I don't want to throw them away.
( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Although they might be a little sticky now...don't ask why.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Ok.... I won't
*narrows eyes*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Hey, I'm one of the only ones who hasn't been back since!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:41, Reply)

That's a fairly good alibi, I'll give you that

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:42, Reply)

They should be in the National Lol Museum.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Foist them on some unsuspecting soul at your next bash :)

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Hahahaha bravo

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:37, Reply)

I saw an Islamic transvestite last night. Unfortunately she noticed me before I could take a photo.
She was not at all convincing.

My work colleague has just told me that he was the unwitting victim of an attempted noncing on Friday night.

These two things have made me very happy today.
( Kroney, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:38, Reply)

You work in a Victorian Chimney Sweeps?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Hello Christmas-user-name.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:40, Reply)

You don't need a christmas name.
you ARE a christmas name.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:41, Reply)

*dances*

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I'm partly doing it because I'm starting to look forward to Christmas
I'm mostly doing it because I know it annoys Monty.
( Kroney, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:42, Reply)

It's taken me five minutes to work out who the fuck you are.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I've just twigged who you are.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:44, Reply)

Oh DG, it's like we were made for each other.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:44, Reply)

What can I say?
I seem to be in a 'posting something the same as someone else' mode today.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:46, Reply)

It took me fucking ages yesterday too.
I had assumed it was Al for a while.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:46, Reply)

Al never changes his icon.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Al also has Al in his names
He likes a cheap name pun, as do I.
( Kroney, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:50, Reply)

That was what gave it away,
I'd just assumed it said something like 'Frankalsense' and hadn't bothered to read it properly.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Who is it?
Oh it's Kroney.
( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:50, Reply)

I'm surprisingly young.
And surprisingly nice.

Edit: Don't sound so disappointed "oh, it's Kroney"
( Kroney, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Great. It's 'dressing gown boy' to the rescue.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Don't fucking give me that.
You're just holding out for the Lt Uhura themed knee-length gown.
( Kroney, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Because William Shatner!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Just got it.
I am slow today.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:50, Reply)

They never are convincing.
I saw an atrocious one in Camden Town station a couple of weeks ago. He was just fucking terrible and walked like a cocky brickie, to make matters worse.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Was he wearing a burka?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:44, Reply)

Hah, no, just a hijab

( Kroney, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Morning, shit stabber

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:46, Reply)

Well dunno about attentionseeking,
but I was having a bitch to one of the girls I work with tonight about a table that were being really rude, arrogant fuckwits, and said as much (in the privacy of our little nook) only to turn around and have the lady who was head of the table standing right behind me. I was more than a bit embarrassed.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Did you punch her in the tits and run away?

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Nah, but I wish I'd kicked her son in the nuts.
He whistled, clicked his fingers and tried groping to get my attention. I was not the least bit amused.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Hahaha, nice!
The closest I've had to that is not one of my prouder moments. My friend and I were in a local bar, and I realised that I knew the sister of one of the barstaff, and pointed this out to my friend. He asked what she was like, I gave a description along the lines of "Hmm, not bad, not very pretty though, preferred her friend, wouldn't surprise me if she'd turned out to be a right kinky bitch anyway." (I was drunk, and as said above, not proud of that)

It's now my turn at the bar, and I turn to see the girl I'd just been talking about on the other side of the bar. Now, I have no idea if she's just heard me, so I think the only thing to do would be feign surprise, say "Oh, I didn't see you there!", have a little chuckle, and leave at great speed. Sadly, this didn't go to plan. Instead, I laughed in her face, and ran off.

Didn't go in there for weeks, just to avoid her after that.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:41, Reply)

you crazy fellow you.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:45, Reply)

I agree, it's a crap story
But seeing yours just reminded me of it.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:46, Reply)

ATTENTION SEEKING? ME? NEVER.
NOW CHECK OUT EVERYTHING I EVER DID WITH THIS ACCOUNT
AND ALSO THIS
ME ME ME ME ME ME MEMEMEMEMEMEEMEMEMEMEM
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:43, Reply)

100039.
You attention-seeking ballbag.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:44, Reply)

FUCK YEAH!
I'm scared that, somewhat like a tree falling in an empty forest, if nobody is attentioning me, I might not exist.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:46, Reply)

That's quite existential for this time in the morning.
Needs more breasts.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:49, Reply)

I'm scared that there's a pussy in a box that is either dead or not dead and I can only know by feeling up some tits.

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Hello MONTY.
My bell end is itchy and producing lots of smegma. What's that all about?
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:55, Reply)

Stop having sex with JMG and it will clear up.

( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:01, Reply)

It's nothing to worry about.
Just beat the shit out of Noel and it will go away.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:04, Reply)

FORTHCOMING FREE-TO-DOWNLOAD CONCEPT ALBUM RUMOURED TO BE SCHEDULED FOR RELEASE IN MARCH 2012

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:45, Reply)

The countdown starts HERE.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:06, Reply)

I've been chucked out of loads of places, I wouldn't worry about it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:53, Reply)

^^ This
I used to be a complete nightmare when I was pissed. Toned it down nicely these days.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:54, Reply)

I've been a pleasure 999 times out of 1000.
There's been about five occasions over the past five years where I've woken up and gone "Oh god, where the FUCK did all that come from?" and I really, really hate that feeling.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:56, Reply)

I've never been chucked out of a pub,
but have had to leave one as one of my bosses got thrown out for being lippy to a bouncer.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:56, Reply)

I'm more likely to fall asleep in a pub these days

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Hahaha.
I've done that on a few occasions, at around the period where my first marriage was going tits up.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:00, Reply)

PMT does strange things to a man

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:04, Reply)

More like eight pints of Theakstons in the afternoon and a huge meal.
Apparently I was out cold for about half an hour.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:06, Reply)

This doesn't surprise me.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Man up. Don't act like a minge and you won't get ejected from these places.
If you do, apologise to the bouncer as you are being kicked out and chalk it down to experience.

Chicks love that shit.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:56, Reply)

I am manning up, by getting rid of the thing that turns me into an occasional cunt.
I reckon others could learn from my example *shines*
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:59, Reply)

Don't beat yourself up about it mate.
Life, innit.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:00, Reply)

I'm not any more, just making changes for the better.
God I sound like a cunt.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:01, Reply)

+ let the bouncers do that for you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Yeah, let the bouncers do the beating.
*edit* Damn you, Monty.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:01, Reply)

In your own time, son.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:02, Reply)

this in spades
you said you were having a bad month, all that shit probably came out.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Racist

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:02, Reply)

yes?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Yeah maybe, months worth of shit in truth.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:03, Reply)

You're cutting your cock off?
Steady on.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Nah, my cock turns me into an ANIMAL.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:02, Reply)

The animal is nothing more than a dirty dog, sadly.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:03, Reply)

A very, very dirty dog.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:05, Reply)

I once made the mistake of kicking a bouncer in the head
While being slung over the shoulder of the other one that was ejecting me from the building. I don't recommend hitting them back.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:01, Reply)

^this.
NEVER retaliate to a bouncer. EVER.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:02, Reply)

I looked up and saw this massive fist <i>descending</i> from the sky
Then it's a bit hazy
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:03, Reply)

I had a "Get your fucking hands off me" moment with a couple of bouncers at a place in Brixton.
*smack*

I wake up having a nice sit down outside, with a sore temple and rapidly blackening eye.

What have we learned?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:09, Reply)

The best lessons are the harshest

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:10, Reply)

I remember resisting like fuck.
Hence being thrown as opposed to escorted.
(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:05, Reply)

That'll do it.
The only acceptable response is "I'm going, I'm going!"
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:10, Reply)

I only wanted my new hat I bought myself for Christmas :(

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:14, Reply)

just because i once went to punch some guy who was chatting up my girlfriend.
Yeah, turned out he was a quender of the verily forsooth variety.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Hahaha you tried to punch a gay.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Schools and universities mostly, I bet.
Possibly the odd library.
( Kroney, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Well they should put such sexy pictures in the biology books

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:57, Reply)

I said this on FB in response to Noel mentioning it
but the first time I was thrown out of somewhere was for drunken fighting in The Bedford in Balham. The problem was the fight was basically: Some bloke barging into me. Me giving him some abuse. Him punching me. Me getting back up. Him punching me again.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:56, Reply)

Most of my fights are like that.
I get lippy, then I get hit. The guy doing the hitting tends to get kicked out.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:00, Reply)

MORAL VICTORY

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:01, Reply)

The only type I ever seem to get.
And then I usually have to redefine what 'moral' means.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:10, Reply)

While we're on the subject of ATTENTION SEEKING can I spam this lump of Christmas I made again?
www.tinyurl.com/legonativity
Only I was happy with it.
(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:54, Reply)

I already spammed that a bit on Facebook, it's linked from the /talk populol page I think.

(NoeI «:::P:::» «:::E:::» «:::R:::» «:::V:::» «:::E:::», Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:56, Reply)

HUZZAH!

(The Personality Horse www.tinyurl.com/perhor, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:00, Reply)

I have already this morning sought attention from the office Villa fans
By innocently enquiring which might be the top Midlands team for Christmas. FOOTBALL WOO EREWEGO EREWEGO etc
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:56, Reply)

That's like coming top of the class in special school though.

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 10:58, Reply)

*Awards ice cream*
Still one of favourite jokes, that.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Wahay!
Can't wait for New Year by the way.
Going to be the best festive time ever this year!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Woooooooo!

( girlinthehole, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:07, Reply)

It's going to be bloody busy for us, but so worth it.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:07, Reply)

busy + because me and the mrs are actually serial killers in our spare time.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:08, Reply)

Damn, found out.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:10, Reply)

It's like winning gold in the special olympics.
Or winning an argument on the internet.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Well I've never won an internet argument
So I have no idea what my point is.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:08, Reply)

simply invoke Hitler

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:10, Reply)

I thought that meant an instant loss

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:12, Reply)

damn, foiled

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:13, Reply)

I like villas; but mainly when they are in the South of France or Tuscany
I can't imagine they fit in nicely with the industrial moonscape that is "The Midlands"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:05, Reply)

You wouldn't pay to have some people from West Bromwich
come and "shit on the villa".
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:16, Reply)

Clearly you've never been to Aston
The Brummy Riviera they call it.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:26, Reply)

I have only been to Birmingham bus station, that was plenty

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Saying 'The Brummy Riviera' in a Brummy accent is super fun.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Rivvy-YARE-er
You're not wrong.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:37, Reply)

I've just laid a log so potent my house mate has gone over the road to the pub for a shit.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:05, Reply)

fetid old spunk does smell rank

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Hahah

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Up the bum, no babies

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:08, Reply)

One in the rectum. Doesn't effect 'em.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Anal sex is unlikely to lead to unwanted pregnancy, due to the lack of reproductive organs in the lower intestine

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Click

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:13, Reply)

She had my reproductive organs in her lower intestines so that's not strictly true, is it?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:14, Reply)

stifling office giggles here

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:16, Reply)

That made me laugh, that did.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:17, Reply)

twat

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:19, Reply)

LOL

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Yule log

( Kroney, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Dirty bastard, why can't he stay dead instead of coming round our houses doing our shits

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:09, Reply)

It's only a proper Christmas if the ghost of Brynner comes round
and takes a dump under your tree
( Kroney, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:10, Reply)

"is old Rasssian tradition"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:11, Reply)

i don't seek attention, attention seeks me

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:06, Reply)

That's not *quite* true, now is it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Says the man giving him attention.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:09, Reply)

i hardly even have to try

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:10, Reply)

I like it when you try
the look on your face makes me smile.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:11, Reply)

:)
i was reading that bit up there where theat monty said he'd downed pints of vodka red bull and i was like WTF? he's supposed to be internet hard
I downed pints of neat vodka with a firend of mine, it took him 3 days to recover, but i was back wrestling tigers six hours later

beat that
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:13, Reply)

How many pints?
I will only be impressed if the number of pints you downed exceeds my "impressed" threshold.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:17, Reply)

only two that i remember, everything went black after that
i was a teenager, and apparently still somehow managed to evade the police after a bout of drunken disorderly, my mate was taken home by the filth and given a proper rollicking by his ma an pa

we had been drinking before the pints too
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:18, Reply)

Nope. Not impressed.
my limit for being impressed at pints of vodka has bee previously set at three. You sir, are a lightweight.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:19, Reply)

we'd been drinking beforehand! please, your validation means so much to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:20, Reply)

I'll only validate you online if you send me a picture of Swipeys saggy funbags.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:29, Reply)

deal, whens she back from the bahamers?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Dunno, I thought you had gone with her?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:34, Reply)

she invited me, but i have too much to do here for xmas
(i'm not santa btw)
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:38, Reply)

How about pints of homebrewed wine?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:20, Reply)

I'd have knocked your fucking socks off then.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Pervert

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Me? Al is the one with a pair of 'fucking socks'

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:22, Reply)

The ladies love a man who makes love with the days of the week written across the sole of his foot.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:30, Reply)

drinking tennants super and pissing yourself isn't impressive to anyone

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:22, Reply)

understatement of 2011 right here

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:10, Reply)

My boiler broke again.
Where is my god now?
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:37, Reply)

gas boiler?
whats up?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:38, Reply)

Fucking leaking again.
Arsehole fucking shit boiler cunt.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:40, Reply)

leaking from where?
if it's a pipe a bit of old fashioned sealant could be a half decent temp fix
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Cold water inlet, same as last time.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:55, Reply)

Hill Head, he's a bit busy

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Selfish prick.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:40, Reply)

don't call him that, he hasn't even got a mum!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:42, Reply)

I don't know, but I know where my God is
Sat in your boiler, fucking shit up. Enjoy the Scottish winter, dude.
( Kroney, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:42, Reply)

The pump on our boiler broke this time last year.
Right in the middle of the bloody cold snap. That was fun.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:47, Reply)

always have a back-up electric heater, they're fairly cheap
only about a third of your weekly dole
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:48, Reply)

Got two, thanks.
And the gas fire still worked, so all was not lost.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:50, Reply)

what the fuck you complaining about then?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:54, Reply)

The inconvenience of it.
A cold bathroom is not a joyful place at 7:30 in the morning.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:56, Reply)

theres kids starving in fucken africa

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:58, Reply)

I broke my teeth and then beakered about it on the internet.
Does that count?

Also, now that I have joined teh end of this thread, I predict someone will start a shiny new (non QOTW poll-related) thread in about two minutes.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:39, Reply)

fingers crossed, this one has run out of steam...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 11:47, Reply)