pubs
what makes a good pub? which is your favourite pub/bar and why?

alt: most entertaining spat/meltdown on b3ta EVER?? bonus points for links.

alt alt: white or brown bread?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 9:58, 273 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

There is a pub in Sunderland called the Ivy House
A proper pub, which sold good, cheap beer and had a cracking juke box too. I fucking love that pub. Started drinking in there aged about 16-17 and was always chock full of student totty.

When I go out in Sunderland, I always end up there, even now I'm a sad, fat old man.

Alt:
I seem to miss all the proper meltdowns these days. Shoddy work 'cow
Alt Alt:
50/50 bread at the moment. Trying to get the kids onto brown bread
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:01, Reply)

Two-for-one coffin discount?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:05, Reply)

One big coffin is cheaper than 2 small ones innit?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:15, Reply)

Good beer
No kids, no televisions or silly machines with flashing lights.
My current favourite is the Hearsall Inn, which serves decent local beer at a reasonable price.

Alt: the next one (hopefully)

Alt alt: Brown.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:02, Reply)

I think I'll take a look...
As I'm a Coventry type - I might drag Pooflake along too. Thanks for the recommendation!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:29, Reply)

I'll be in there after work tonight.
Have you tried any of the Byatt's Brewery beers yet? There is usually one on at the Hearsall.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:32, Reply)

Can't make it tonight
We'll have to arrange a meet though - there's a few Cov B3TANS.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:37, Reply)

sigh sigh, sympathy reply...
pubs: something that is not a tedious chain and that is in a lovely old building with stripped floors, battered leather sofas etc. must also sell icy cold vodka and great sharer platters. sloaney pony in fulham is a great favourite.

alt: i enjoyed "the cat hater" unmasking himself as everyone's favourite sister-fucker because he couldn't resist the opportunity to announce that he had once gotten laid.

alt alt: depends what for. white for toast. granary for everything else. wraps better yet.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:03, Reply)

I think I did see the cat hater one, now I think on

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:03, Reply)

i had such a long string of gazzes from him
where he swore blind he was NOT bert, but a happily married man with a kid. totally weird to realise the whole lot was a lie!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:04, Reply)

Edmund gazzed Bella quite a lot, that cracked me up when it turned out to be him again.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:05, Reply)

I feel left out in the mental gaz stakes

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:15, Reply)

I once received one saying "i am a heron. i ahev a long neck and i pick fish out of the water w/ my beak. if you dont gaz this to five other b3tans i will fly into your kitchen tonight and make a mess of your pots and pans."
I lolled.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:17, Reply)

Haha!
This is what I'm on about!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:22, Reply)

Good ales, well priced, friendly bar staff, a jukebox with good songs on it.
A pool table is a nice touch, but a beer garden is an even better one. Also, no poor people.

EDIT: The pub at the top of Dalton is one of the best pubs I've ever been to. Good food, well priced ales, huge beer garden, and during summer, you can cross the car park, and watch cricket being played, tis a great place.

Alt: Got to be Wormulus' one.

Alt Alt: White, every time.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:03, Reply)

no poor people?
but you live in macc....

....... however, you are the only one so far to post a link, so here, have a swipe point. spend it wisely.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:03, Reply)

The Swan With Two Necks keeps most of the riff-raff out
Helped by the fact that despite the landlord being 70, he's hard as nails.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:05, Reply)

hahahahah
'Psycho Chomp
You look like a paperclip salesman and have a fucking stupid name, other than that you should stick to being the coolest person on QotW. What an accolade!
'
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:21, Reply)

best thing about me posting a new question
is that he can't see it, so we're spared his endless pontificating about how he knows the MOST about EVERYTHING on EVERY SINGLE TOPIC because he's never left milton keynes but he can READ IT ALL ONLINE and that's JUST THE SAME AS REAL EXPERIENCE.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:25, Reply)

Did he put you on ignore for any one particular incident?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:31, Reply)

i don't like him
and he doesn't care?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:37, Reply)

Ah. Thought there had been a big row or something.
BTW -did you get the msg re cheese?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:38, Reply)

no gossip i'm afraid
oh yes i did thanks, v rude of me not to reply, yes just keep me posted!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:43, Reply)

Flying Duck, cause it rocks.
There's been loads. Adam, Sammi and Wombat spring to mind.
Wormulus done a good one too.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:03, Reply)

I have many favourite pubs and bars, different ones suit different types of evening. A particular favourite is Gordon's wine bar on Villiers St. I am also a big fan of this place for Sunday lunch in the country: www.thegoodpubguide.co.uk/pub/view/Shepherds-Crook-OX39-4RR

Alt: The cat hater being outed as Bert.

Alt alt: Depends. White bread for bacon sandwiches, granary bread with soup, brown bread with smoked salmon, etc.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:06, Reply)

Good pub:
1. Either no music or good music
2. Not too many people
3. Within two minutes’ walk from my house
4. Open fire in winter
5. Decent beer and food
6. Whites only
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:07, Reply)

Open fires are great things
My friend used to work in a pub with one, I'd spend Sunday evenings in there with her, the place was empty, it was great.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:08, Reply)

The only food should be crisps and nuts.
Most pubs serving food nowadays fall into two categories:
Shite pub grub, either microwaved or deep-fried
or Gastro pubs which serve over-priced food and neglect the pub side of things.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:11, Reply)

Needs moar pork scratchings.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:13, Reply)

Place near me serves an exceptional lamb shank with mustard mash for £8.50
Absolutely terrific
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:16, Reply)

it makes every fibre of my body shudder to admit it
but actually some of the food at wetherspoons is ok. and i really like allbarone and the slug and the pitcher and piano.

god, the p&p used to do this sharer thing, it was a 20 piece combo of cheddar, mozzarella, brie and goats cheese, each batttered and deep-fried. can you imagine how many calories that must have had?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:18, Reply)

Pikey

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:18, Reply)

A wetherspoons mixed grill is rather enjoyable the morning after the night before.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:19, Reply)

This^
Saved my life after my stag do, that did
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:22, Reply)

Ha ha

It contains 208% of your recommended daily fat in take

www.jdwetherspoon.co.uk/home/food/menu/breakfast/breakfast-9
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:50, Reply)

racist
just because i have irish grandparents
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:19, Reply)

Where I live, nearly everyone has at least one Irish grandparent.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:24, Reply)

so, britain then
see also, USA
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:26, Reply)

You can take the girl out of the north...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:24, Reply)

whites only?
wow you feel strongly about your breads.

i would say wines, but i've seen you guzzle red, so.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:16, Reply)

My favourite wine is Cornas.
I fucking love that shit, yo.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:21, Reply)

An embargo on the following;

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:08, Reply)

Semicolons?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:09, Reply)

So, all gays are banned?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:09, Reply)

V good indeed
Took me a second, that did.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:11, Reply)

Thank you

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:17, Reply)

I fucked up
but the responses are too amusing to delete.

Except this one
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:10, Reply)

An embargo on the following;
Fosters, anyone under the age of 21 unless they are staggeringly attractive, all televised sport save football and cricket, old people who tut at piercings, minging barstaff and cunts.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:09, Reply)

I'd rather watch fucking tiddlywinks on television in a pub than football.
Just to be spared the arse-aching tedium of having to listen to 'blokes down the pub' talking drivel about how 'we should never 'ave bought that donkey' etc.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:14, Reply)

You'll notice I also banned cunts
For exactly that reason. I enjoy the bonhomie of wtching football in a pub but there's such a good chance that the bloke you accidentally strike up conversation will prove to be a bellend
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:18, Reply)

I sware down if some cunt tried to have bonhomie with me down the boozer I'd fucking do time for them

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:21, Reply)

But you're such a gregarious, outgoing type online

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:24, Reply)

You'd make a good pub doorman Rory.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:25, Reply)

Anything to do with pubs is a mugs game

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:28, Reply)

Give it some thought Rory
I'd love to see some chavs turned away from a pub in tears following a succession of increasingly cutting insults concerning their life choices and personal hygiene
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:31, Reply)

I suppose I could always knock out shit pills for some pocket money

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:34, Reply)

We can use some of my lolmeds (as I get free prescriptions) and we can split the proceeds.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:35, Reply)

I@M IN!!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:39, Reply)

What about showing rugby in pubs?
I shall be watching as much of the six nations in the pub as I am allowed/ fits in with looking after my daughter.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:15, Reply)

My only problem with rugby in pubs is that it often clashes with football
The people who watch it are generally pleasant enough, but the sport itself bores me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:20, Reply)

I like pubs.

( girlinthehole, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:11, Reply)

I don't have a favourite pub as such.
But I'll be happy enough as long as they don't turn the music right up at 8pm, the patrons aren't either old men or wankers and there's a decent selection of beer.
( Kroney, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:14, Reply)

I like the Ship, it has a good atmosphere and some nice beers
i don't think i ever saw a proper meltdown here, but you have some good moments

alt alt it depends, brown is good most of the tiem, but i like white for bacon sandwiches and that
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:15, Reply)

pfffft
that's just me telling you to fuck off. a meltdown would be accusing X of being a shit fuck, Y of being a racist twat, Z of being a wife-beating imbecile, outing people's real names, posting photographs of people's cocks and then deleting my account.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:19, Reply)

oooooooooooh!
i'm bookmarking this
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:23, Reply)

dunno, you've seemed quite upset online a few times.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:29, Reply)

that's your interpretation of my words on the screen. i can be upset if you want me to be, baby
reminds me though, your prediction was totally wrong about the boxing day tube strikes, they totally went ahead. and they ruined boxing day for lots of people. even the bbc called them "cynical". so now your words mean EVEN LESS than WORDS ON THE INTERNET.

how do you feel now, eh? nice and low, i bet. lower than a snake's arse.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:35, Reply)

its this kind of not letting ti go that i was talking about
hardly the end of the world was it? minor inconveniece for a few people wanting to do some shopping
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:37, Reply)

he was WRONG ON THE INTERNET
i don't know quite how much more serious you want this business to get.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:38, Reply)

i don't think it counts as wrong, you both shared opinions and a very minor strike happened
no-ones boxing day was RUINED , the only person getting serious is rachelswipe
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:40, Reply)

how can you say that?
have you asked every single person who had plans and had to change or cancel them? no. this is just factually inaccurate and frankly you can do better.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:45, Reply)

please stop, this is embarrassing for you
nothing was ruined, at best they'd have had to make slifght adjustments to there plans and find other arrangements for travel on a bank holiday
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:46, Reply)

No quentin, the enconomy was ruined because of it.
That's the reason why we're in a financial mess, cause the underground in London went on strike for one day.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:48, Reply)

THOSE BASTARDS
I HOPE THEY ROT AND DIE AND DOGS EAT THEM

even tho 99.99% of people would have just shrugged and stayed at home or got the bus instead
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:49, Reply)

Those greedy STUPID drivers.
How fucking dare they. I hope they get flogged.
while I fuck off on holiday
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:52, Reply)

no live in london, no opinion

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:57, Reply)

i'm in kensington, you dolt

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:00, Reply)

course you are, sweetheart
course you are
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:00, Reply)

i vowed to stop lying on the internet, and i've stuck to it for over a week

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:04, Reply)

we wouldn't let you into kensington
it's as simple as that
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:05, Reply)

what?
please tell me you're not anywhere near courtfield?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:07, Reply)

not now, no
i'm at work in the city.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:09, Reply)

i've got my guys workign on a restraining order as we speak

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:13, Reply)

believe me
we can do that by way of consent. have them send over a tomlin order, and whatever distance you put in it, i'll add 1,000 miles.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:16, Reply)

but i would walk 1000 miles
and i would walk a thousand more
just to be the man that falls down
at your door
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:19, Reply)

that's 2,000
let's make it 3,000 then.

in fact, 3,001.

this is like an e-bay bid.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:29, Reply)

its a song

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:31, Reply)

Couldn't care less doll.
This is kinda what I mean, good of you to remember something so pointless and bring it back up.

Well played.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:39, Reply)

thanks
i like to help.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:44, Reply)

thats what i thought
she does come across as a woman in dire need of some evening primrose
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:36, Reply)

oh man you could have such a laugh.
I would have to spill that shit.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:39, Reply)

one of them hasn't posted for nearly a year
if it goes over the year, i might break the gaz seal.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:40, Reply)

Back in the day,
it would have been no music, quiet enough for me to get a table to myself that I could spread The Guardian out flat on, guest bitters, normal bar snacks and Sky Sports News on all day but, crucially, no live sport at all. Except possibly cricket. And a barman who controlled the music with an iron fist and had similar taste to me. So basically, it was The Swan.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:19, Reply)

Many years ago I used to rehearse above a pub
The landlord showed me a button he had behind the bar which allowed him to skip any track that he didn't like that came on the jukebox.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:21, Reply)

That would certainly make working behind a bar more bearable.
The one pub I worke in didn't have a jukebox, luckily, just an old tape player that I could put what I wanted on. Or at least, when I was working the afternoon shift on my own I could anyway.

The hotel I worked in had Nat King Cole on a loop though. I am sure Nat King Cole doesn't really deserve to be hated quite as much as I hate him after that.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:24, Reply)

i should also have said:
best name for a pub ever? as there seem to be a lot of swans flapping around here at the moment.

there's one near me called "the live and let live" which is quite cool. the actual pub is a total shithole though.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:20, Reply)

I always liked 'The Old House At Home', which has a lovely warm glow to it. Unfortunately I never found one that wasn't a run down dive though.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:22, Reply)

I hate to say it but Jamie Oliver's mobile pub has a brilliant name
The Cock in Cider
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:22, Reply)

There is a pub in Sunderland called the City Tavern that is the gay pub
It is on a street called Fawcett St and is locally known as:

The Force It Street Inn
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:26, Reply)

I worked my way through different accents in my head, but I got there eventually.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:27, Reply)

I just actually had to ask someone what its real name was!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:27, Reply)

There used to be a gay bar in Kennington called The Chocolate Lounge.
I never went there.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:27, Reply)

We have a street in Norwich called Upper Goat Lane
Sadly there are no bestiality-related pub names to be had near it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:28, Reply)

There's the Goat & Vag in Putney.
Which is absolutely no use whatsoever except you just reminded me of it.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:29, Reply)

I think I walked up that looking for somewhere to eat

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:29, Reply)

You should have given me a call mate
I'd have knocked you up a lovely curry, you wouldn't even have tasted the rohypnol.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:32, Reply)

Probably for the best

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:41, Reply)

There is a pub near me with a sign that actually makes me laugh. They've written "1AM BAR!" on it, but it really looks like it says "I AM BAR!", which cracks me up.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:39, Reply)

There used to be a pub in Coventry called the live and let live
Blood on the floor every night - frequented by some real headjobs from the local estate (dumping ground).
It was not a pleasant place at all. Was closed by the police with no chance of ever getting opened again.
Hope yours is more posh!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:28, Reply)

a bit
but not much. i took the ex recently, as it was the only place serving past midnight that was really close, and he HATED it. mind you, he was the only one in there who wasn't a white shaven-headed ape
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:29, Reply)

There's a lot in the 'white shaven-headed ape' ratio
That could be used as a pub rating system. I tend to look for these idiots as I walk in, if there's less than say 20% then there's a chance it could be a decent place. Above 20% and I don't generally stay for a second pint!
That being said, sometimes I stay just to make them feel uncomfortable - I've been told on many occasions I look like a copper!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:34, Reply)

copper nonce
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:42, Reply)

We had one of those in Guildford
I didn't realise it was a chain. Ours was pretty rough, too.
( Kroney, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:30, Reply)

Still love the Knights Templar
especially for the toilets. It's not bad at all for a Spoons. I also like the Market Porter for Fruli and Font for cocktails. Actually, the Roadhouse for deadly happy hour too. And the neon DRUGS sign. I've got a picture of Monty with that.

White plastic toast is a thing of beauty. Not too keen on brown bread.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:21, Reply)

There's an excellent pub in Manchester we went to for the last bash
Using some creative censorship, we managed to get one of the signs on the wall to say 'minge'.

This amused me far more than it should have.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:22, Reply)

we should GO to the knights templar
when you are next stuck in the library, as it's so near both of us.

but not when i am still on this stupid detox. how's your diary for april???
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:22, Reply)

Full of library!
Deadline is 23rd of April, so should be around a lot. I will put it in my diary with hearts around it.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:24, Reply)

wonderful. i am free to drink alcohol again after 14 april, so any time towards the end is GRAND

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:27, Reply)

I will write it down to remind you end of March so we can make solid plans and I can see how much I'm shitting myself.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:34, Reply)

amazing
then we can drink through the pain of the exams/essays afterwards!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:37, Reply)

The Colton Arms in barons Court
run by a chap in his severnties who wears a three piece pinstrip suit every day, the till is brass and mechanical, there are two fires, no televisions and the closet you'll get to food is some pork scratchings.

alt: AdamQC was funny when Al and I spent all day baiting him.

altalt: brown in 90% of occasions, sourdough, ciabatta and bloomer are acceptable white bread substitutes
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:31, Reply)

mmmm
toasted sourdough drenched in golden butter
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:32, Reply)

FACTS ^^^
I'd love to make my own, but it's a right old polava
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:34, Reply)

It's a woollen sweater?

OH!! A palaver!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:58, Reply)

Wot about the merengues?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:00, Reply)

My local is the Polished Knob.
Says it all really.
( girlinthehole, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:32, Reply)

At least this means you have some knob in your life

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:34, Reply)

I rarely go : (

( girlinthehole, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:35, Reply)

says it all really :'(

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:38, Reply)

INORITE!

( girlinthehole, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:39, Reply)

Wetherspoons is shit, horrid, pikey, cheap and nasty, has horrid food and ghastly clientle
there is no excuse for frequenting them
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:33, Reply)

But the toilets!

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:36, Reply)

Aren't you the wrong sex for cottaging?

( girlinthehole, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:37, Reply)

...

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:38, Reply)

This is the only reasn I've been into one in the last few yeasr to haev a piss
and only then because i was desperate
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:38, Reply)

Are you drinking now?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:39, Reply)

ha, no just busy so popping an and out
like a Little Barrymore in Darth's arse
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:43, Reply)

Wand in Hogwarts mate
I hope he's got a bungee rope
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:52, Reply)

i think she asked about good pubs
mister negative
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:38, Reply)

least popular mister man eva
well him and mister peado
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:46, Reply)

mister glitter is a personal fave

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:47, Reply)

What about Mister solitaire.
Oh god I've depressed myself I hate that song
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:49, Reply)

i don't know it
little miss child abuse victim was fairly bleak
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:50, Reply)

The Spin Doctors?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:52, Reply)

I thought about that too

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:53, Reply)

When two nonces kneel before you
That's what I say now
Nonces, nonces who adore you
That's what I say now
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:55, Reply)

Hahahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:57, Reply)

oh you arse.
Not only is that song now swimming round my head, and probably will do all day, it's doing it with those lyrics.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:57, Reply)

Beebeedeepdedeedp scababdoobydabbadooby

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:57, Reply)

NO FUCKING NEED

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:58, Reply)

I am genuinely sorry.
If it's any consolation my day is now ruined.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:01, Reply)

My 2p not turned up then?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:01, Reply)

You deserve it for that.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:02, Reply)

The solo in that song is quite cool and easy to play too

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:58, Reply)

if i wrote one of those abuse memoirs I would call it
HAIRBRUSH
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:53, Reply)

No football ever, ever, ever in a pub
it's loud, distracting and attarcts the kind of fat phlem spitting ,bonehead thugs who should be deposited North of hadrians wall for all ours sakes.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:36, Reply)

I disagree
Every decent pub should be near a shit one that shows football so you can pop in if you want to see the game then head back to the decent pub as soon as it's over.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:38, Reply)

Good plan

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:42, Reply)

^ this ^

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:39, Reply)

My local.
We hate everyone, we sometimes refuse to make tea because "this is a pub", we laugh at people who ask for a wine/cocktail/tea menu becuase "this is a pub", we wish death upon groups of five who come in with their Christian clothes and their individually paying for five 'half a squash please' orders because "this is a pub", and woe betide you if you come in at 3 mins to 11 and want to drag your night out til midnight.
We WILL put Judith Durham on the jukebox really loud and stare until you leave.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:42, Reply)

Where is your bar?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:44, Reply)

Near the university

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:48, Reply)

Ahh, cool cool
Might be in Liverpool on Saturday actually
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:05, Reply)

Where are you going? Town?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:06, Reply)

Getting the train down, then heading to Ormskirk
Easier to go via Liverpool than it is Wigan.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:14, Reply)

And wigan is vile

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:17, Reply)

This is true, but the upside is that the bus station is next to the train station, so I wouldn't have to spend much time there.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:24, Reply)

Roota's rivers of pub speech

( Kroney, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Hahahaha!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:48, Reply)

Gonz's Dream Pub.
1) It would be next door an aquarium so on one wall of the pub (going up 2 or 3 stories, the one or two higher ones having a balcony rather than a floor that goes from wall to wall.

2) The aquerium would have a good mix of sealife in it, including sharks that get feed every hour. People can lay bets down like what shark would get the steak first, or how many times the depressed turtle will circle the pool. People would make drinking games based on it.

3) It would serve lots and lots of cocktails, proper ones, none of these "No mint? Try Creme de meth instead" bullshits, we're talking about real cocktails.

4) Our drug dealers will be registered medical staff who know what they're doing and would even give advice like "Don't try an E, try blahblahdone and blahblahnite, it's much smoother high, and safer too", so people would get decent drugs and safely. They'll even be a menu with different cocktails of drugs. Think opium den style.

5) Our prostertues will be there because they want to be there, rather than being forced into it.

6) Live music will never be rediulously loud, and will include a guy at a peino, and people like "The Four Queers" from Jonathan Ross. Really relaxed and refined music, maybe even a girl with a harp. They'll also be comedy nights.

7) A big mix of different foods and platters, think food you don't need a knife'n'fork with. The most important one will be real proper double-fried chips and loads of home-made condiments.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:49, Reply)

an interesting take on happy HOur

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:51, Reply)

I really hope the capital O was intended

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:56, Reply)

yes, emphasising the ho

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:57, Reply)

*golf claps*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:59, Reply)

With the exception of point 4 and 5, you have just pretty much described The Exhibit, in Balham.
Or at least as it used to be 4 years ago, I wouldn't know anymore.

It also has a cinema showing classic and cult movies on the top floor now, i believe.

(also, no sharks, but I assume that was a given)
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:51, Reply)

Sharks look nothing like gibbons.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:53, Reply)

Nope, don't get it, sorry.
edit: Oh, yes I do. But it was shit.

Possibly better as a spoken joke...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:53, Reply)

It does have a cinema.
I prefer The Grove in Balham. Better food.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:57, Reply)

I don't think The Grove even existed when I lived in the area.
It was The Beford, The Exhibit and the ever changing Tapas place just the other side of the railway bridge. Which I suppose could conceivably now be The Grove.


Edit: Oh, I googled it, apparently it did exist, but I just didn't know about it.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:59, Reply)

It's been there for years: www.grovebalham.com/ I occasionally go to the Bedford as they get some good comedians upstairs. I don't know about the tapas place.

Edit: "The Grove has been around since 1877"
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:02, Reply)

I used to love The Banana Cabaret, yes.
I think the tapas place may have been called The Lounge at the time. It's opposite that dodgy Carribean bar that used to have lock-ins until...well, actually, as far as I am aware it never closed before I chose to leave. I don't think I ever did know what it was called, but it said 'Cafe Fusion Bar' in cheap transfers on the window.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:04, Reply)

Aye, that's what I saw when I googled it. It's over the other side to where I lived, so I guess I never ventured out there.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:05, Reply)

Did you ever go to The Duke?
It used to be The Duke of Devonshire but they changed it to The Devonshire. Used to be a good pub, it's "gone gastro" now which has spoilt it.

There used to be a good italian in Balham - I think it was called Bouchi's.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:07, Reply)

Yes, lots.
It used to have that back bar that stayed open late. I got very drunk with Arthur Smith in there once, oddly.

Well, I say 'got', we were both already very drunk before I started talking to him.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:09, Reply)

talking to licking
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:22, Reply)

Well he looks like a caramel covered walnut, so do you blame me?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:23, Reply)

hahaha

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:27, Reply)

He's a monumental cunt. I was chatting with him
in The Clachan off Carnaby Street about 10 years ago. He was asking me if I knew what it was like to have writer's block???!!

He is a smoker though, so not all bad.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:25, Reply)

He seemed nice enough, to the best of my hazy memory.
But these arty types are a bit self centred, so that sort of question doesn't surprise me.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:27, Reply)

I've met him too,
well I've seen him on telly which is nearly the same. He is a cock.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:30, Reply)

He's a Balham resident.
Who calls himself "The King of Balham".

The CUNT.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:49, Reply)

Hahahah.
He doesn't!

He does call himself 'Night Mayor Of Balham', but in fairness, that's clearly a (shit) pun.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:56, Reply)

Alt alt: onion rye

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 10:52, Reply)

What makes a good pub?
Me, holding court and enlightening eveyone with my opinions. My fave pub at the moment is the Captain Kidd in Wapping, it has river views and seating.

Alt: The most entertaining thing about Bert's meltdown was that he got Monty to bite. Everytime.

Alt alt: Walnut.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:01, Reply)

The Capt Kidd is so good
that you should blow out your missus and we should go there THIS VERY NITE.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:07, Reply)

You're on.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:21, Reply)

MAGIC

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:29, Reply)

i think you are doing this all wrong, poor lusty

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:22, Reply)

Hahahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:29, Reply)

PS the alt alt was not 'which food does your bell-end most closely resemble'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:09, Reply)

i fucking LOVE that pub

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:12, Reply)

oh man guess what???
LORISES ARE VENOMOUS! who'd a thought it eh?

i saw a documentary last night, kerazy shit man
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:10, Reply)

they secrete this poison from a gland near there elbow to repel insects and predators right
and as a defense thing they cover their eyes like a crying abby when they feel threatened,a nd they lick this poison and then bite you like a bad boyee and you can't heal or owt

i kept thinking its not strictly venomous in that case, but thats what the lady kept saying
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:15, Reply)

would you like one as a pet?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:16, Reply)

nah apparently they stink and they're poisonous so even tho their cute
no thanks
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:18, Reply)

since they turned up on youtube videos
people haveing been takiong them as pets, with generally bad consequences for the poor little Loris
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:19, Reply)

i thought a lori was a kind of bird
what is a loris then? some kind of lizard/dragon type thing?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:19, Reply)

Isn't it a type of sloth?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:20, Reply)

They're a small furry primate.
With big eyes.
( girlinthehole, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:22, Reply)

Ah. Close.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:23, Reply)

www.google.co.uk/search?client=opera&rls=en&q=loris&oe=utf-8&channel=suggest&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hl=en&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&ei=FTchT7DEHur74QTx5tiXCA&biw=1085&bih=796&sei=GjchT4vYI9HoObH_nacI
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:21, Reply)

The best pub in London, if not the world, is The Palmtree.
It's a magical place. Once, they had some very old looking prawns in a bowl on the bar, so you could help yourself.

They were in a dog bowl.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:14, Reply)

Wo ist Die Palmtree?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:22, Reply)

www.timeout.com/london/bars/venue/2%3A15148/palm-tree
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Ahhh. I've been there a couple of times.
Proper boozer.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:31, Reply)

It's ace.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:36, Reply)

Is that the place you and I ended up at last time we had a beer?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:38, Reply)

No that was The Griffin in Shoreditch.
The SECOND BEST pub.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:41, Reply)

Saw this, and thought of you
Mildly amusing
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:26, Reply)

Same jeans.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:28, Reply)

Same nose

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:29, Reply)

His guitar is better than any of yours.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:29, Reply)

Shame he wasn't as good at playing it as me, eh?
Or as white.

Or as good as me at vomiting without dying.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:31, Reply)

SACRILEGE

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:28, Reply)

is it a statue of Jimmi?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Jawohl
It's in Seattle
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:34, Reply)

And the best bar is Gordon's Wine Bar.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:31, Reply)

If you're bent.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:32, Reply)

or a tourist
or have never been to any other wine bar ever.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:33, Reply)

I don't think it's a tourist place. Seems to be full of people who work nearby most of the time.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:34, Reply)

Cunts then?
This must be true, as I work nearby and I'm a cunt.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:39, Reply)

Not helped by PWC having an office directly across the road.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:39, Reply)

Absolutely.
I'm actually not THAT close. I'm the other side of the river, I just walk past it a couple of times a week if I need to go to my bank or to go to the comic shop on Wednesdays.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:42, Reply)

Yeah God that Pete Waterman is a right cunt and Sonia never gets a round in.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:42, Reply)

You'll never stop her from loving you though

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:44, Reply)

My good friend works there...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:44, Reply)

Lies
You dont have any friends
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:45, Reply)

OH GOD THE AWFUL TRUTH :' -((((((((((((

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:52, Reply)

Or really like draft white port.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:34, Reply)

NOM

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:35, Reply)

Indeed.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:37, Reply)

Ever drunk this?
www.waitrosewine.com/230508717/Product.aspx?source=gs

It is absolutely incredible. My dear old father got me into that one.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:41, Reply)

No but I will certainly try it.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:46, Reply)

I thought sherry was 'not for me' until I tried it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:58, Reply)

It's becasue you are of a certain vintage

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:59, Reply)

I fucking love proper sherry (not that shit cream stuff)

(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 12:01, Reply)

probly shouldn't be shopping at waitrose if your a povver

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:59, Reply)

It's how I maintain my poverty at tip-top level.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 12:19, Reply)

WE DON'T WANT YOUR KIND HERE

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 12:21, Reply)

Oh, for goodness' sake
The best pub in London is The Wenlock Arms, near Old Street. There are several close contenders but nothing quite touches it. If you'd like to suggest a superior pub in the London area, I'll have to visit it.

Contenders throughout the rest of the country include The Evening Star in Brighton, the one across the road from the brewery in Lewes, the one above the Fernandes brewery in Wakefield, the visitors' bar at the Theakston Brewery in Masham, and a handful throughout Bristol, Manchester and Leeds whose names I've forgotten. And a special mention for the Clachaig Inn in Glencoe Valley.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:43, Reply)

You 'touch it'.
That's what it says in the bogs of the Wenlock, anyway.

I also see that you've changed your phone number. I don't believe you're only 18 though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:44, Reply)

Does it possibly say that in the bogs at the Wenlock because you wrote it there yourself?

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:46, Reply)

...in a post-coital fug
His arse still puckering
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:47, Reply)

POTD

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:48, Reply)

Maybe that's why he wrote my number down wrong
He was so tight I could barely enunciate while I was climaxing.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:48, Reply)

You could have "Zorro-ed" it on the wall in shitty spunk

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:50, Reply)

"Zorro-ing" sort of worked because its namesake could execute it with three quick strokes of his sword.
(fnar fnar)

It wouldn't have looked quite so impressive if he'd had to take enough time and precision to scratch a nine-digit number across the same surface, perhaps with an awkard,
"Hang on, hang on, I've almost finished...what do you mean, you need the international dialling code as well?"
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:53, Reply)

Can't do, won't try

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 12:05, Reply)

There is also not a chance he is packing
"a quarter pound of red hot meat", I'm calling the the deparment of weights and measures.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:48, Reply)

"I would say, sir, that is not so much a 'quarter pounder' as a 'Chicken McNugget.'
"And...oh, 35^oC? Not exactly 'red hot,' now, is it, sir? I'll be needing some suitably embarrassing photographs for the national press, and a signed statement from your elderly, white-haired mother."
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:51, Reply)

i MISS THAT SHOW

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:53, Reply)

SO DO I

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:57, Reply)

He was simply holding a burger
and by burger I mean a Scotsman's cock
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:51, Reply)

Now, not being a Londoner, I can't be sure.
But I suspect there might be some sort of "in the know" "in-joke" going on here. Possibly involving this pub being a famous "gay bar".

" "
( Kroney, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:53, Reply)

Nope. The in-joke is that I'm a raging bender.
(As started, quite accidentally, by the woman who is now my girlfriend, no less...)

The Wenlock is a regular and very local boozer, and free of bum-jockeys last time I checked*.

*_{'Checked': hung around in the gents' near closing time waiting for 'business.' Seriously, it was so fruit-free I dozed off and realised I'd been locked into the place...that was an awkward one to explain to the cleaner the following morning.}
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:56, Reply)

Well, as a 19th century dragoon, I imagine you're used to a sore arse.

( Kroney, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:58, Reply)

Unlike me, a C19th drug goon...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 12:06, Reply)

Excellent work

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 12:08, Reply)

Pfft.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 12:23, Reply)

Is The Evening Star the one near the station?
If so, I quite liked that actually, yes.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:46, Reply)

That's the badger.
Nice place, good selection of beer. And more importantly, it was the starting place of one of my favourite breweries.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 11:47, Reply)

Will some cunt start a new thread, preferably one where i can moan about work realted things
Kthxby
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 12:25, Reply)

Done.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 26 Jan 2012, 12:29, Reply)