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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Well whoop-de-doo. Freitag is here. Named after Frei, the Hittite god of Turkish Delight, fact fans.
I've been paid and will be treating myself to a luncheon costing between 50 earth pence and a pound to celebrate. Meanwhile my 'unemployed single mother on the sick' ex is flying out to Spain for three weeks in the sun. The poor thing.

The weekend is upon us, so what're you doing*?

HimJim poster (late of this parish) is actually in the 'lympic opening ceremony, the big chutney, so if you see someone waving a two foot black dildo, chances are it'll be him. If of course you are stupid enough to watch that shit.

*I don't wish to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm afraid you're *not* doing my mum.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:26, 218 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
Is it because your mum is dead?
I'm going to be studying - lots. Today I have written up a prac report on proteins found in milk and their functions, and ALLLLL my notes on coenzymes, vitamins, and their functions. I feel a little brain dead. I think I may have offended a few people on facebook too by declaring my complete lack of interest in those Games thingos.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:30, Reply)
No, that's mine.

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:32, Reply)
I'm fairly sure you don't have a monopoly on that one, Aggie old boy.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:34, Reply)
mine too

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:35, Reply)
I'm going out on a limb here,
but I'm going to say that I reckon this is true for quite a few people.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:37, Reply)
Not me!
unless she's died in the last 15 minutes from rage that I won't be watching the olympics.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:38, Reply)
I'm afraid she has, yes.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:38, Reply)
How could anyone be offended by that?
If I was to be offended by people not being interested in, say, obscure 1965-66 'freakbeat' bands etc, I'd spend my whole life angrily complainig about....oh, hang on.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:33, Reply)
I dunno, because I"m australian I'm supposed to be obsessed with sports I think.
No one has publicly said anything, but I've already had a very TERSE email and text AND phone call from my mother and brother saying how disappointed they are in me.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:34, Reply)
If you give me their email addresses
I shall take care of this for you, no problem at all.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:38, Reply)
No thank you dear.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:39, Reply)
I've got people round tonight, possibly a small BBQ tomorrow, then I'm at my friends Mum's birthday tomorrow night
All in all, should be a good weekend.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:33, Reply)
This thread's brilliant!
Where are all those knobbers from yesterday? Was that a one-off, then?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:51, Reply)
I've been booked to DJ. Not until Hallowe'en though.
Hip hop, trip hop, funk has been requested. I'm assessing the opportunities to drop some post punk in there too.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:53, Reply)
I really have to get my skates on and book a venue for the bash
or it'll be a pissup down t'pub only. In some respects that might be better as it will mean I get to talk to people.

Actually fucking hell I REALLY need to book somewhere.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:58, Reply)
I think I will acquire Metal Box
Just so I can drop Death Disco.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:00, Reply)
I used to have a copy of that.
It came in a metal box.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:03, Reply)
POTD!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:04, Reply)
probably.
I didn't see anything, did something exciting happen?
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:55, Reply)
no.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:56, Reply)
Haven't a fucking scooby, soz.
I won't be watching the oompalympics, though.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:52, Reply)
Me neither. Eff that, niggy.
I'm 'camping' in 'Royal Tunbridge Wells' with Mr & Mrs Stunned poster and Lusty. I'm hoping it'll be the hotbed of small-minded racism and petty nimbyism it is reputed to be.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:55, Reply)
I am off to amble in Amble from lunchtime until Sunday
A visit to Alnwick castle and garden was purchased last night for Saturday
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:52, Reply)
I can do friday lunchtime next week.
The missus might join us too.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:55, Reply)
\o/
Consider it booked
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:08, Reply)
12 at the forth?

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:28, Reply)
Deal

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:40, Reply)
Not sure yet
but hopefully will involve burning the edges of meat, and drinking.

Love the way the Olympic TV programme starts at 5 but the actual ceremony doesn't start till 9 - so 4 hours of waffle before anything even starts!
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:57, Reply)
on the plus side, Sian Williams. Yum.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 8:58, Reply)
on the minus side, Lembit Opik

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:07, Reply)
that was Sian Lloyd, you quim.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:07, Reply)
Phew!
Don't mind being wrong on that one.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:09, Reply)
'Is there anything happening yet?'

'I'm outside the stadium now, where in just four hours the ceremony will begin...'

'someone's coming outside. Surely this....no, it's a cleaner'

I HATE that shit.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:00, Reply)
So rob says qotw is being given a week to get drunk and shit the bed
I'm gonna take this as a personal tribute to my bedshitting story. Because it's all about me, natch.

I have a day off today to prepare for bridesmaid duties tomorrow. Thank fuck the dress fitted!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:04, Reply)
please stop bullying me.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:08, Reply)
Are you sad because nobody ever asked you to be a bridesmaid?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:09, Reply)
Always the page boy, is out Plummers.
BECAUSE HE'S THE SIZE OF A SMALL CHILD!!!
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:10, Reply)
yes

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:11, Reply)
Is your faggot accompanying you?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:30, Reply)
hahahaha!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:40, Reply)
You suck!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:55, Reply)
Much to my annoyance, I have (been ordered) to go to a party tonight, to watch the opening ceremony.
I also have to take food of a country nominated by the host. In our case, Italy.

I feel totaly bent. We are supposed to wear national colours too, I'm wearing a black shirt.

Tomorrow I shall be in the office, which will be fun, as I'll be by myself. My holiday period is now over, and I can get down to some work.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:06, Reply)
That sounds uber-bent.
I'd get myself to a reenactment supplier for an SS outfit pronto.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:08, Reply)
They only had Goering in my size.
So, is your nipper off to Spain with the bitch?
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:10, Reply)
Jawohl.
Not back til Aug 11th. Fucking bollocks.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:12, Reply)
Only a couple of weeks.
Chin up.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:18, Reply)
I'd mind less if the bitch hadn't taken her away last weekend too.
To see the Olympic torch. In Kent.


That's the same Olympic torch which went past the end of her road in London on Saturday.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:25, Reply)
And breathe.
As Barters says, it's a couple of weeks and to be fair people do go on holiday in the summer.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:28, Reply)
I don't.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:31, Reply)
I was talking about people.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:33, Reply)
You being sensible makes me feel slightly uncomfortable.

(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:33, Reply)
It makes my bum hurt.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:33, Reply)
haha!
I loved your FB pic last night
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:35, Reply)
Cheers,
I have to amuse myself at home.
(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:37, Reply)
Is that a euphemism?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:38, Reply)
No.

(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:43, Reply)
Or maybe yes.

(I helped save b3ta! wanderlust, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:43, Reply)
MOAR of this kind of thing

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Black shirt should be fine.
Just tell them you're dressed as a Fascist.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:11, Reply)
I think they already know that..

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:13, Reply)
I just ate some avocado houmous.
No idea such a thing existed. Not very good breakfast food but jolly nom all the same.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:18, Reply)
I have the red pepper one ready for lunch
Avocado one sounds a bit gay
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:21, Reply)
Isn't houmous gay anyway?
take away u and us and you have?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:23, Reply)
You mousse?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:27, Reply)
Another euphemism like man-gravy?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:29, Reply)
Man fat.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:29, Reply)
No thanks, I've eaten already

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:31, Reply)
I'll be the judge of that.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:33, Reply)
No, I really have

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:34, Reply)
you're still alive :(
I've got my tribute thread all ready, chop chop
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:42, Reply)
Think of this week as a tribute tour

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:43, Reply)
See also Roger's Profanisaurus
pages 10,12,16,18,22,25....etc, in fact nearly every page.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:36, Reply)
Sneaky Hitler is today's favourite "Roger"

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:42, Reply)
Avocado houmous sounds gay
Chilli houmous is not
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:31, Reply)
Great story, Bro.
You will be challenging Poppet for the pointless post prize.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:23, Reply)
I'm rather proud of it.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:25, Reply)
You can't polish a turd.
But you can roll it in glitter.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:27, Reply)
...and freeze the mo'fo, for later use in 'the bedroom'.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:28, Reply)
A la Kroney.
I totally won my company quiz last night.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:29, Reply)
I would expect nothing less from you.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:31, Reply)
To be fair
it was the minimum requirement.

I also managed to get drunk and go on about how big the CEO's house is. In front of him. And everyone else. Twerp.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:32, Reply)
It'd be worse if white powder was falling out of your nose to compliment a streak of piss down your trousers

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:36, Reply)
Were you there?
I kept catching the white snot trail with my tongue which was grossing people out.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:37, Reply)
You only get to keep your job because everyone still enjoys the novelty of being sucked off by a fat harry potter

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Expellius Spunkypants

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:41, Reply)
You've seen my old travelcard photo haven't you?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:49, Reply)
I scanned it after you left it at mine.
How does it feel to be an internet meme?


(I didn't really)
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:55, Reply)
Thanks M8TE.
You are now banned from the Gryffindor common room.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:59, Reply)
Avacados are bent

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:56, Reply)
I love the olympics!

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:35, Reply)
Me too.
I have a weird sense of patriotism today. The whole world is looking at us today. Brilliant. I think we should show off.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:36, Reply)
*moons Russia*

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:38, Reply)
God you're gay.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:39, Reply)
God bless this hallowed land
*wipes eye*
(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:41, Reply)
wipes COCK!!!!!!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:46, Reply)
You're a fucking misery.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:50, Reply)
You're COCK fucking COCK!!!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:54, Reply)
My COCK?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:58, Reply)
I think it'll be good
I'm hoping for more North/South Korea incidents though
That, and Joe Allon being English in the programme again
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:36, Reply)
Uppity. Sheep. Shaggers.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:37, Reply)
Oh yeah that's half the fun.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:42, Reply)
I'm hoping they raise a swastika should Israel win a medal

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:42, Reply)
I don't think they have Nazi flags in the cupboard

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:43, Reply)
pffft
Max Mosely has a few spare. Monty is just round the corner too
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:44, Reply)
No spares, soz.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:47, Reply)
There was a good ad in the paper this morning with the two Korean flags
'should have gone to to specsavers'
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:50, Reply)
I fucking love this!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:51, Reply)
That's where my shed went

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:53, Reply)
Korea?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:54, Reply)
We thought the bus was going to get stuck under the bridge on farringdon street yesterday
Also the woman carrying the torch had a big fat Labrador with her. She should have made the wheezy thing carry it like a stick. THAT would have been newsworthy photo time
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:58, Reply)
Is she taking mini monty with her?
I am going out for dinnner with mrs ape tonight which will be nice, we don't get out much together these days!

Surely it would be Baldmonkey witha dildo?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:48, Reply)
Like sex Cleudo?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:51, Reply)
haha! very good
unlike your spelling
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:51, Reply)
I cannot believe you pull me on spelling

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:54, Reply)
look, i don't get very many opportunities in this area
I have to take them when I can
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:55, Reply)
I shall concede this point

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:56, Reply)

on spelling
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:00, Reply)
I had dinner with your wife the other night.
Well I say had dinner, she sucked me off for two hours.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:51, Reply)
she's a reet goer that one

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:53, Reply)
Coke is a bitch for a happy finish

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:54, Reply)
that plus serial killer levels of impotence

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:55, Reply)
She likes that I last ages though.
Means she can have a proper gobble. Endlessly running her tongue up and down my shaft. Tonguing my nutsack.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:56, Reply)
Good job she's not a cat then

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:57, Reply)
She has a pussy like the TARDIS.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:57, Reply)
Had a few K9's in eh?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:59, Reply)
It's fictional and not very entertaining?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:59, Reply)
8' tall, blue with a flashing light?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:00, Reply)
full of nerds? :(

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:01, Reply)
like a party at chompy's house
"hey lets go to the board game room and see how the dungeon master is getting on?"

"Hell yes, let me get another juice box first"
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:02, Reply)
Then I rolled a 6 and a 4.
*smeglols*
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:05, Reply)
My parties are legendary.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:19, Reply)
Right that's it, you outside now
suggesting my wife gobbles your cheesy wosits for hours on end is one thing, comparing to something from that Saturday night family viewing nerd abortion is quite another!

you got your satisfaction now i demand mine!
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:00, Reply)
Thanks "Keith Richards"

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:00, Reply)
lets call it a draw

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:01, Reply)
Sorry Nakers.
You are, of course, right.

I can only apologise for my ill considered words and hope that, in the fullness of time, you might forgive me.

I am so.....hold on, your missus has just sent me some pictures.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:04, Reply)
Not you, sporters. We made the same gag at the same time
You can fuck right off
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:07, Reply)
*sings rolling stones*

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:00, Reply)
Morning bastards and token decent human beings
I'm going to the Harry Potter studio tour thing tomorrow, the highlight of which will likely be trying to negotiate the tube - twice - during an Olympic Games. I'm thinking barbed wire around the forearms, but a case can be made for heavy flatulence.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:55, Reply)
London fucking stinks anyway

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:56, Reply)
G. A. Y.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:57, Reply)
That's on Saturday

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:57, Reply)
He's doing a live PA with 'H' from 'Steps'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:59, Reply)

PA DP
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:00, Reply)
Hahah

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:01, Reply)
Neither of his real names start with H
So it was obviously just a very subtle hint. Like if you were in a boyband your name would be N. Or S.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:05, Reply)
The gay guy who sits next to me has been to dinner with H from Steps.
His opinion: "Annoying screeching queer"
(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:10, Reply)
I've never been
I've heard it's fabulous. Can you confirm or deny this?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:03, Reply)
Monty and I went a couple of weeks ago.
It's a casino now.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:06, Reply)
EPIC SADFACE
Even I would struggle to lose badly enough in a casino to get bummed as a consequence
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:07, Reply)
Quitter.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:11, Reply)
Poolett: red is safe, black gets you a bumming
You don't want to know what green does
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:08, Reply)
with your histroy of shitting yourself whilst out and about
I suggest you leave your butt plug in stick with the barbed wire
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:57, Reply)
It's in Watford, nobody wants to go to Watford, it's not even in London

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:57, Reply)
Cf Luton and other such shitholes "london Luton" my arse
"oh it's only half an hour on the train" - get out and stay out
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 9:59, Reply)
YOUR SO RACIST
just because luton is full of muslamics
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:01, Reply)
It's because it's a tedious shithole with nothing to see or do there
You need monty if you want to bash the muzzers (my friend calls muslims this. It sounds like it should be racist, but I can't quite work out why. ESP as her mum is Muslim).
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:03, Reply)
I'm indifferent to Londoners, locals, daytrippers, whatevs
surprisingly they all annoy me
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:02, Reply)
I don't mind if they admit their ignorance and stay out of the way
It's the pricks who insist they know it really well and know where they are going and then refuse to admit they re lost but stand in the middle of the street talking loudly about how it's just over there. Those are the kind of twunts that really grind my minge.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:04, Reply)
I like the ones who go to London especially just to jump in front of a tube, or off Archway bridge
top trollin
(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:08, Reply)
You're not even a Londoner.
Cheek.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:09, Reply)
I am when it suits me
Or when it comes to paying fucking council tax
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:11, Reply)
It's full of Elton John, that's what I heard.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:01, Reply)
The Harlequin Shopping Centre just keeps em coming back for more

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:03, Reply)
Yeah I know
but you can't get anywhere in the South of England direct from Norwich by train, you have to go via London. This includes BIRMINGHAM. Luckily no-one ever wants to go there.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:02, Reply)
The other cheaper option is to go to cambridge and get the x5 coach to Milton keynes then the train again

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:05, Reply)
Where was this thinking when we were booking tickets weeks ago?
You need to anticipate all my potential future journeys Chompy, what kind of Jedi are you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:06, Reply)
Keep it in mind if you need to get to the south east

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:07, Reply)
I will, cheers
When are you next down my way?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:09, Reply)
WHY HASN'T OUR RELATIONSHIP THAWED IN THIS WAY ???!!

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:10, Reply)
Oohhh second date eh?
What base will you get to?
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:11, Reply)
How did you know we'll be playing capture the flag?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:14, Reply)
Gayest euphemism ever
L
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:21, Reply)
Not for a while Baroness is coming here on Tues for a week.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:11, Reply)
You can show her the railway station, scene of one of Supermans greatest speeches

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:13, Reply)
That was our first date.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:15, Reply)
Chicks dig superhero films

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:20, Reply)
especially if you point out all the ways the film isn't true to the original comic

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:20, Reply)
She's a massive geek.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:21, Reply)
pretty low calling your girlfriend fat in public

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:22, Reply)
Keeps her on her toes

(PsychoChomp, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:25, Reply)
That's no excuse*







*It is really
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:15, Reply)
Or indeed to norwich

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:05, Reply)
Norwich is lovely and, more importantly,
it's not full of fucking Brummies
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:06, Reply)
And if you get divorced you're still brother and sister, right?
I went to some little village near Norwich just once. I was sharing a room with my friend. The evil middle aged inbreds running the guesthouse assumed we were lezzers and were really quite rude to us. We LoL'd. Then on the Sunday I went home and my mate's black bf arrived to spend the next 2 days with her. Turned out if there was one thing they liked less than lesbians, it was African men. Really horrible cunts they were.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:10, Reply)
Norfolk does have chronic blacklack
In fairnes, they assumed you were a lesbian because you look like a lesbian
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:11, Reply)
Only in your dreams
Put that puckered quivering arsehole away, nobody's going to kiss it for you
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:13, Reply)
I'm sure I don't know what you mean
I assume it's some kind of lezzer code
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:17, Reply)
Something like that
But less lezzers and more your shameful bumhumming ways
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:19, Reply)
You've got African men written all over your face.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:12, Reply)
In spunk?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:14, Reply)
You are so hot.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:16, Reply)
I try

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:19, Reply)
Hahaha.
Northern bird slagging off Notts Norwich bloke.

*ironylols*
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:08, Reply)
Cheshire darling
If they'd let you in, I'd have shown you round
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:12, Reply)
In the immortal words of Groucho Marx
I wouldn’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:14, Reply)
What about club biscuits?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:14, Reply)
What about club foot?
TURN THAT FUCKING MUSIC DOWN!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:15, Reply)
Late night last night, was it darling??

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:18, Reply)
he does seem a little manic

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:19, Reply)
Like a big coke powered firework

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:20, Reply)
I love fireworks.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:22, Reply)
I remember winning a quiz
drinking lots of wine and finger banging a colleague.

After that it's all a blur.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:20, Reply)
Finger banging a....
.... But you work in the insurance industry. All your colleagues are men!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:21, Reply)
And your point is?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:21, Reply)
Meh
Good work shitfinger

(Shirley bassey's less successful etc)
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:22, Reply)
Was she the fat office bike from finance?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:23, Reply)
All the women in my office are fat bikes.
Except for two, who are just bikes.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:25, Reply)
dunno dude, AA's congleton, thye're not that discerning

(I helped save b3ta! Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:14, Reply)
My sister in law is from near there
How she laughs when my brother calls it mongleton
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:15, Reply)
My red curry is hotter coming out than it was going in
>_<
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:10, Reply)
Thanks for sharing
This is like the texts I get from both the ex and my bezzie telling me they've shat themselves (her) or nearly shat themselves and had to keep an eye out for emergencies (him) on long runs. Why? Why tell me this? Whyyyyy?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:15, Reply)
actually it was prawns so you could have had some

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:16, Reply)
Nope
White fish or salmon, cool. Prawns? Disgusting rubbery orange pieces of death.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:17, Reply)
Morning tit-ends
I had a bacon, egg and mushroom sandwich for breakfast and would now be feeling awesome if I had gone to bed at a reasonable hour last night.

In fact, I got up late so had to choose between making the sandwich and a shower this morning. Given that one benefits me and the other mostly benefits my co-workers, it wasn't difficult.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:13, Reply)
Can anyone smell that?

(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:14, Reply)
Stale piss and shame?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:15, Reply)
No that's you
this is more dried fish and eggs
(I helped save b3ta! Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:15, Reply)
More fucking DIY.
Cleaning gutters and painting fucking window sills this week, then varnishing the fucking floor on fucking Sunday. Saturday night I've got to interview some cunt for blurb on his CD. He'd better get me drunk or I'm going to have to kill more fucking kittens.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 27 Jul 2012, 10:42, Reply)

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