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This is a question Off Topic

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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Pages: Latest, 836, 835, 834, 833, 832, ... 1

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Siblings.
Tell us about your place in the family are you the one your parents are proud of?
Or are you constantly falling short of the bar set by your cleverer, more successful, better looking sibling?
Where are you in the ranking, top middle or bottom?
Why did you sleep with your sister?
No brothers or sisters? Tell us about your imaginary friends as you were growing up.
Do you still talk to them? Is this perhaps why you turned out to be such a freak?

Alt: Why are there such a disproportionate number of Scotches on here?
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:09, 271 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
I don't have any,
way to exclude me from the conversation :(
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:09, Reply)
I believe this part includes you:
"No brothers or sisters? Tell us about your imaginary friends as you were growing up.
Do you still talk to them? Is this perhaps why you turned out to be such a freak?"
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:11, Reply)
MMPS IS REAL I TELL YOU, REAL

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:48, Reply)
Sure he is...

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:08, Reply)
me either eely.
hey! we could be bros!
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:17, Reply)
When!
Will I!
Will i be faymerrrssss?
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:18, Reply)
shut up monty, you ugly smelly tramp.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:20, Reply)
Mixed bag.
I'm the cleverest and the best looking but the least successful.

Alt: because they are by their very nature workshy and lazy, and queer as you like, quite possibly more so.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:13, Reply)
you must have some fucking ugly brothers.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:17, Reply)
You cheeky ranga.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:22, Reply)
sorry mate
you have one of those wrong!
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 15:32, Reply)
I have a younger sister.
She is an extremely fat, dull, unintelligent wankfacecuntbubble that I do not have anything to do with.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:16, Reply)
Bullshit, Monkeysex.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:17, Reply)
I feel sick now.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:18, Reply)
good ride though?

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:18, Reply)
Dunno. Ask all the deaf, blind blokes with no sense of smell across the south of England.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:20, Reply)
is she a good ride then.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:21, Reply)
I am now the most succesful of 2,
but for a long time my brother was the favourite, as my dad didn't believe i could make a career out of pubs. Now i own my own house, and run my own pub whereas my brother still lives in my dads loft and doesn't work. I got so much shit from both of them for dropping out of university, but i proved the cunts wrong.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:16, Reply)
and you have a dog, don't foget about harley.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:19, Reply)
2 dogs.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:20, Reply)
WOAH! what? did harley get fucked?

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:21, Reply)
no,
a couple that ladypig was friends with broke up, and neither of them could find a place to rent that would let them have the dog, so we took it.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:22, Reply)
pic plz

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:26, Reply)
i don't have one on this pooter.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:29, Reply)
FACEBOOKS IT!

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:37, Reply)
is it an upgrade from the previous one?

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:49, Reply)
I'm the middle one
oldest son. Sister lives in Germany, Brother in them there Midlands. I'm clearly the best.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:19, Reply)
Don't you find, as the middle child, you don't really have a place?
You're like the weird, unloved one in the middle.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:24, Reply)
....not until now :(

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:29, Reply)
you're all my brothers and brothers pretending to be sisters.
except battered, the prick.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:21, Reply)
I'm less successful
but better looking!
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:21, Reply)
than who?

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:23, Reply)
ooops, sorry
my sister
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:24, Reply)
Hello Highlandcoo

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:25, Reply)
hello Naked Ape
We are all naked apes, standing on our hind legs
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:26, Reply)
My sister has HIV and my brother's an alcoholic and I am STILL doing the worst.
:o(
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:23, Reply)
my condolences, man

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:24, Reply)
Thank you.
I wish I were joking but it's true on all counts.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:25, Reply)
but you can waste hours on the internet in work
that counts like something good to me
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:27, Reply)
True enough.
Plus I have a great kid and my girlfriend is excellent. I'm just an underachieving whinger.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:32, Reply)
That's better than what I have
well done there buddy, keep them close
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:36, Reply)
i still love you.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:37, Reply)
x x x x x

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:46, Reply)
Must admit to being surprised you've mentioned your sister's situation on here again.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:28, Reply)
Well only Bert appears to be mentally retarded enough to bang on about it

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:30, Reply)
I'm not ashamed of it, just one of those things.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:31, Reply)
You should be ashamed that you gave it to her

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:32, Reply)
*shrugs*
She was well fit when she was 5. Her fault for leading me on.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:33, Reply)
Did she ask you to play 'mummies and daddies' with her?

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:36, Reply)
I clicked I Iike this

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:25, Reply)
where did she get that from?

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:31, Reply)
Kidnapped and raped whilst doing charity work in Namibia.
Way to show your gratitude, you fucking savages.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:32, Reply)
shit the bed,
that's pretty heavy. Does she still do charity work, or has it puther off?
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:35, Reply)
She's a Detective Inspector in the police now.
That was on her gap year, the poor sod.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:38, Reply)
Older brother and younger sister, I'm the best one though
alt: B3ta is full of bitter, fat and unattractive people. Why do you think so many scotch are here?
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:24, Reply)
The same question, to number two:
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1740901
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:26, Reply)
Nah, my bro is quite quiet so I guess I was the leader and acted more like the oldest
You're unloved because you're world music loving, vegetarian birkenstock wearing AIDs beard and your parents are ashamed of you.

HTH xx
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:28, Reply)
I'm not a middle child
I'm the youngest and favourite child.
I don't think they are ashamed, just a little disappointed.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:32, Reply)
Scots are here
because it is cold and dark and wet out all the time
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:28, Reply)
It's quite nice in Edinburgh today.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:32, Reply)
I hope it fucking burns to the ground.
xxxx
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:35, Reply)
I feel a lot of anger in you, mumpers.
Do you need a cuddle?
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:35, Reply)
I posted it with kisses ffs.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:36, Reply)
Glasgow kisses, though.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:37, Reply)
Malkie

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:38, Reply)
One of my university tutors was called Malkie
He had a proper 'Sgt Pepper' moustache too.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:39, Reply)
was that at Strathclyde?

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:42, Reply)
Yup.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:51, Reply)
I had some classes on the top of the Livi tower
weird 'business' classes. What do I want to know about them for?

But the lecturers were cool
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:01, Reply)
I only want you to love me :(

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:39, Reply)
I love you most of all.
Even more than tangles, winders and hatsie.

And that's lots.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:40, Reply)
I am an adorable scamp.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:44, Reply)
TOP FOUR!!! YES!!!

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:51, Reply)
I'm in Glasgow at the weekend
I've upped my life insurance, just in case.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:47, Reply)
They do love a good game of "Hunt the cunt"

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:48, Reply)
My sister lives in The Weedge
The first time we all went out in the city centre I was 'invited outside' by some swallied-up wee walloper. Charming place.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:51, Reply)
I was an only child but we used to have student lodgers around the place
This led me to being a right pretentious twat of a child, trying to emulate those 'cool students'. One of them gave a Turkish pillbox hat thing, I thought I looked fucking awesome in that hat....*sigh*

Alt: Dunno. Fuckers are everywhere near me, eating their butteries, drinking Irn Bru and being all topless and pale at the first hint of sunshine. I say to them "Fucken' Jings Maw! Put some fuckin' claes oan ye scunner!"
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:25, Reply)
*googles Turkish pillbox hat*
*laughs at Bill Clay*
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:26, Reply)
There's a picture of me in it somewhere
I've got this red waistcoat on that I used to wear all the time. My supposed 'cool' is offset by the fact I'm wearing my big hairy bear-feet slippers.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:29, Reply)
You massive cunt, Bill.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:38, Reply)
Smeg off you smegging smegger

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:12, Reply)
Nope, no family questions, sorry

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:27, Reply)
I was always my dad's favourite
but seeing as my brother had a PhD by 23, has a productive job and is a fully functioning member of society, I think I'm probably the one they don't talk about these days.

I bet you all prefer my brother to me, as well. I bet you all wish I'd fuck off and he'd come back. I bet you'd all like that.

Why do you hate me, /off topic.

Alt: because we have a dry, sick sense of humour, and being on the internet doesn't involve 'outside'.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:27, Reply)
Are you a scotch as well?
How is your bro?
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:29, Reply)
How long have you known me, and you didn't realise I was a porridger?
DJ is fine, I think. I spoke to him the other night.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:30, Reply)
I had no idea, I assumed you were born in Weston
I can't contemplate why someone would move there tbh.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:31, Reply)
I met thi sbloke on the internet...
The rest, as they say, is history.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:32, Reply)
I'll take that bet.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:30, Reply)
Shut up and drink your Buckie.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:32, Reply)
GIZZA FUMBLE DOLL.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:34, Reply)
I'm the eldest.
My brother is MD of a company in central London. He makes probably a bit more money than me, but then he has to live in London, so swings and roundabouts. I wouldn't trade places though.


Alt: Because they're taking over the world, tangles.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:31, Reply)
I wanted to make some sort of joke about McIlluminati or summat here, but I couldn't make it funny.
Soz.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:51, Reply)
The IlluMcNulty

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:52, Reply)
Hmm, you're along the right lines.
But I'm still not lolling.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:02, Reply)
I am amused by this, this morning:
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19670686

It has lifted the dark hangover cloud a little. Bloody Merkins, see how they like it for a change.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:32, Reply)
That's a purple link, so I'm going to assume it's the thing about 'britishisms'.
My American friends love some of the words I use. 'Lovely' has them in stiches, as does 'elasticated'.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:33, Reply)
Do you say elasticated a lot?

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:35, Reply)
As far as I recall, I only used it once
but it's not a word they use, so they thought I was making it up.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:36, Reply)
She talks to Americans online.
She needs to tell them how to make their clothes expand to fit.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:38, Reply)
They are merely correcting back to proper English
as they should be
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:41, Reply)
Well depending on how you look at it, I'm either...
The youngest of four girls and the second youngest of six
or
the oldest of two.

I don't know why there are so many scotches here, but I'm getting really fucking sick of one particular scotch who isn't on here.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:33, Reply)
yes poppet, we are very sexy. thanks.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:36, Reply)
elaborate.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:36, Reply)
Well my dad married twice.
So if you look at all of his children, then I'm one of six. But if you look at his second marriage, the one I'm from, then I'm the oldest of two.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:38, Reply)
You're from the family he wanted then.
Or did he get rid of your lot too?
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:46, Reply)
Nope, he loves us all, it's just my mum hasn't died yet like his first wife did.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:50, Reply)
Oh right, you all live on a caravan park and your step-parents adopted loads of children?

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:54, Reply)
Silly Tangled.
That's Home and Away. Poppet lives in Neighbours.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:54, Reply)
Silly beth.
I live in neither of those places.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:59, Reply)
You ran away to Yabbie Creek with Bobby and Carly.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:01, Reply)
Bloody snakes!

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:56, Reply)
Nah, was the Big C.
A giant C from a Caltex servo fell on her head and squashed her.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:00, Reply)
I think we need the full story here.
This sounds like an amusing death.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:02, Reply)
But we're cute and lovely!

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:37, Reply)
you are.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:38, Reply)
I am and all

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:39, Reply)
!

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:39, Reply)
I fucking AM, too!

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:40, Reply)
I MEANT ME YOU SELF IMPORTANT COW!

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:41, Reply)
It's best not to get in to the LOL-O-RAMA that is my family
I don't have a tree so much as a shrub. I'm the youngest of five, and thus far, the only one of those five who hasn't made an amusing balls-up of their life at some stage.

However since I'm the youngest it could easily still be in the post.

Alt - I do have vague recollections of anthropomorphising the weird looking window catch on the sash windows in my bedroom as a very small child. He was called Durdup and had a split personality; one evil one and one nice one. I was a strange child.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:47, Reply)
As the youngest of five I imagine you could pretty much do what the fuck you liked and no one would even bat an eyelid.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:50, Reply)
No, I gained three stepbrothers when my mum remarried
I was always the youngest, but of two rather than five until I was 17.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:53, Reply)
The balls up is all part of the fun though.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:53, Reply)
I'd just as soon as not
I'm also the only one who's gotten to the age that I am without either having a kid or mistakenly knocking someone highly unsuitable up. Apart from the brother that's a fuckwit and fortunately can't reproduce, anyway. But since he's with some dolescum bird who was a grandma at the age of 34 I'm putting him in the trollop pile with the others.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:02, Reply)
I have a cousin who was a grandma at 34.
She was the apple of my granddad's eye, the silly old Scots bastard.

Technically, I became a step-grandma at 26, so I probably shouldn't mock.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:12, Reply)
Did you see that that MAths teacher who ran away with the school girl has a little girl manga tattoo
clearly a nonce.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:51, Reply)
It was the tattoo that led you to that conclusion, not the relationship with a minor?

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:52, Reply)
^this

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:53, Reply)
it compounded my judgement
hangin's too good etc
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:53, Reply)
I'd call him a flid, but by this stage it seems redundant.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:55, Reply)
he's worse than nakers.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:53, Reply)
He's better at pulling 15 year old girls than I was :(

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:54, Reply)
Maybe you should give it another go...
I believe they run training courses in Rochdale if you need some tips
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:05, Reply)
Topicalol.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:06, Reply)
I am the eldest child and while my mum doesn't play favourites, my grandad did and I was his.
My younger brother is more successful for several reasons, primarily because he doesn't have the same lazy intelligence that I do, so he's had to work at stuff his whole life and consequently has a far better work ethic. As for whether he's better-looking, it depends on who you ask. Most people say no, but then he does have a smoking hot wife, so...

Alt: Because they spend all day indoors drinking heavily on booze bought with Westminster's money, of course.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:53, Reply)
Your younger brother has a smoking hot wife and you are an unloveable french basement tenant in Slough?
moments tristes Kroney
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:55, Reply)
la monde; elle est une maitresse cruelle

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:56, Reply)
she really is a bitch

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:58, Reply)
I hate to go all French Mistress on your arse, Kroney
but if it's LE monde, you can't say ELLE.

Then again, 'he is a cruel mistress' sounds a bit odd. Why don't you frenchies just speak English like the rest of us?
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:59, Reply)
Eh? Learn to read, woman.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:01, Reply)
Now it's definitely wrong.
Can't you speak your own language, man?
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:07, Reply)
What are you on about
"la" is the feminine.

No, having googled it, apparently "world" uses the masculine. How strange.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:08, Reply)
Yes
but 'monde' is a masculine word. You had that part right the first time. It's le monde, not la monde.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:09, Reply)
I guess they don't feminise objects in the way that English does.
I guess it would have to be "the world is a cruel master" but that doesn't sound French enough, damn it!
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:12, Reply)
It's a stupid language.
It's really hard to explain to kids why foreign languages have genders for nouns anyway. Especially in German, where the have three.

*sigh*
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:14, Reply)
Thank God for the lazy English, who phased it out of their language
because they just couldn't be arsed with it
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:18, Reply)
Except in Bristol.
"I've lost me bag. Can you see he?"
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:20, Reply)
no, just lazy kroney :(

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:56, Reply)
My mum says she loves me.
But she's always looking at him when she does so :(
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:58, Reply)
Work ethic is a strange thing.
my brother didn't have it at all until he was in his final year of school and then he pulled out this whole other gear and leaped ahead. I was so proud of him (although secretly glad he didn't beat my ATAR score).
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:58, Reply)
I am very proud of my brother and all he's accomplished.
Somebody had to be the white sheep and I'm no good at it.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:05, Reply)
Were you the first grandchild then?
My dad really struggles to disguise the fact that my son (his first) is clearly his favourite.
My maternal grandad was apparently the same with my sister.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:58, Reply)
Yep!
First grandchild and the one that was most clearly his. The other grandchildren all take after the women that married into the family and my brother takes after our grandmother. I'm my grandfather reborn.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:02, Reply)
Wouldn't he have had to be dead first, to be reborn?

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:05, Reply)
If you were going to take everything
ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY, then yes.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:06, Reply)
I've got a sister who is 9 years older than me.
She still refers to me as an accident. Cheeky cow.

I was the 'smart one' and the first in my entire family to go to university. This was due (apparently) to my photographic memory (according to her) and nothing to do with the fact that I knocked my pan in all the way through school and uni.

Conversely she fell all google-eyed for a bloke in the post office when she was 16 and was married at 19. Silly moo. They are no longer married and she's a driving instructor.

Having said all that, we're actually pretty close.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:55, Reply)
hi bbz
I have two older sisters and a younger brother.

I am cleverer, better looking, funnier, way more attractive, much cooler and far more sophisticated than my brother. He naturally sees this as competition, but you're probably aware I'm pretty good at ego puncturing and general takedowns.

He also reposts sickipedia jokes on his facebook and tried to take the credit for them so I troll him mercilessly. Several of his friends have sent me fanmail as a result.

Let's face it, you'd hate to have me as your older brother.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:56, Reply)
That is great
have you posted any on failblog?
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:58, Reply)
naw
He's a massive Rangers fan and a great one was where he was cheering on Motherwell I think when they played Celtic. I asked him when he'd started supporting Motherwell and told him I had started supporting HMRC. I only support winners after all.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:02, Reply)
But which one of you is the most alternative?

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 10:59, Reply)
me.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:02, Reply)
I'd hate to have you in the same gene pool
let alone the same family tree.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:01, Reply)
this right here, this should be sent to psychology students.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:03, Reply)
one sister, younger.
She is better than me in every measurable way, but I an more fun and i'm not bangin a geordie.

Alt because we are the bestest.except dozer, obv.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:00, Reply)
you're the fun one?

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:04, Reply)
oh dear.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:07, Reply)
christmas must be a blast.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:08, Reply)
I can imagine them all sitting around the Christmas table. It's monochrome.
They sit sternly, hands in laps. Facial expressions neutral. A cracker is pulled, a joke told.

"That is factually inaccurate" is the reply.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:11, Reply)
a clock ticking in the background, the clinking of plates.
the silence is broken by CQ, he tells a bland knock knock joke. the budgie cheeps. father scowls at mother and shakes his head, his large moustache perfectly trimmed. "Why can't you be more serious, like your sister."
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:13, Reply)
budgies don't cheep
they squawk

other than that, a pretty picture.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:15, Reply)
The grey dishes are cleared away.
Father reads aloud from the 'deaths' column of the local paper. The family allows themselves a cold and humourless smile, and the annual tradition of watching the treasured VHS of 'weather forecasts of the 1970s' begins again.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:22, Reply)
the fire crackles in the background, father pushes the embers around.
"Tradition dictates the exchange of gifts. You may take one of the whimsical snowglobes from the mantle."
CQ claps excitedly, father scowls and mutters under his breath.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:24, Reply)
CQ shakes the globe and the flakes slowly drift down over the jolly Father Christmas miniature.
A thumping on the ceiling as grandmama bangs on the floor of her room with a shoe.

"Stop that racket!" she yells.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:27, Reply)
I have a click for each of you here.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:29, Reply)
By this point the Lithium is coursing through CQ's veins like psychedelic lava.
His Wilf-like 'tache quivers with anticipation as he reaches for the whirling orb of aqua-borne flakes, his heart pounding. 'What will it be? A castle, perhaps, or a fairy grotto?' Through the fug of heavy sedatives the last vestiges of his imagination struggle to remain alive.

'No, son. It is a factually accurate model of Coventry, 1971'
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:30, Reply)

1971 1941
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:38, Reply)
yeah mumps
Can you imagine it?

Shes even more of a hippy than i
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:17, Reply)
fucking hell.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:19, Reply)
yup
She's a vegan librarian training to be a councilor
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:22, Reply)
You need votes, not training to be a councillor.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:30, Reply)
Wait... you're a scotcher?

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:07, Reply)

I think you and Monty might be the only ones who aren'y on this thread
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:09, Reply)
I'm not
my mum is, though.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:10, Reply)
Go back two generations on both sides of my family and it's 100% scotch all the way.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:16, Reply)
I stand corrected!

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:18, Reply)
Just the father's side on mine
but yes, two generations and it's all hoots the noo, or some shit
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:19, Reply)
aye' technically
In the same way half of America is irish
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:19, Reply)
Ah, you mean: No.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:21, Reply)
my great grandad was
And I like porrigde.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:23, Reply)
i have a half brother who is 7 years older and a brother who is 2 years younger
we are depressingly middle-class: a headmaster, a lawyer and an accountant. not a black sheep to be found. i blame my dad. and my mum. and my half-brother's mum.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:15, Reply)
I blame asylum seekers.
/ac
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:17, Reply)
Ah, this'll have been the trigger for
your progressive political views
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:19, Reply)
i've just bought tickets to the lamont/darling debate on osborne and whether he is doing a good job
darling says yes. lamont says no. should be interesting.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:22, Reply)
Yeah.
Interesting.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:23, Reply)
Darling says yes? REALLY? fuck.
Darling was the only one recently that the Treasury thought was OK as an economist. Although Brown wasn't bad apparently.

Osborne is a fucking disgrace.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:23, Reply)
Gosh yes.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:25, Reply)
they oil up and wrestle. the winner is the first one to bum the other.
LET'S GET IT OAWN
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:36, Reply)
IIIIIn the blue corneeeeer
Alistair "the Bummer" DAAAARLLIIIIIIIIIING

AND in the red corner

Norman "Face of Nightmares" LaaaAAAAAMOOOOONT
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:40, Reply)
Seriously, Norman Lamont looks like a Morlock.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:42, Reply)
Up until they both get gassed by the local farmers

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:40, Reply)
really???
That is not the stance that I would have expected from Darling and Lamont (not that I remember much about Lamont other than Black Wednesday).

What has Osborne done that has been any good?
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:48, Reply)
did you fuck him? like on brookie.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:19, Reply)
no
auntie swipe didn't like me touching anyone else
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:21, Reply)
the bitch!

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:25, Reply)
I bet they both like wearing women's underwear and being whipped, though.

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:24, Reply)
Who doesn't?

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:26, Reply)
the ones who prefer nappies

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:36, Reply)
Deviants

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:38, Reply)
what a delightful image

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:35, Reply)
Well, this went downhill quickly

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:50, Reply)
their minds are in the toilet
where dirty minds belong
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:57, Reply)
It's a loo you pikey coo

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:57, Reply)
I generally refer to it as 'the bog'
but not everyone south of the border realises what I am on about
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:58, Reply)
I think bog is pretty universal

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:59, Reply)
ah, it must just have been posh folk
pretending they don't know what I'm on about while looking for the shitter in some place in London
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 12:01, Reply)
also
where did everybody go? I was gone for half an hour and nothing much happened
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:57, Reply)
ebbs and flows innit
I've been in an annual planning meeting for the last hour
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:58, Reply)
Man, that sounds painful

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:59, Reply)
Nah, it's alreet man
got loads of money for next year, so I'ma happy ape.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 12:00, Reply)
LOADS A' MUNNIE
w00t
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 12:02, Reply)
Y'know, I do believe it might be time for a new thread.
Any takers?
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:57, Reply)
Not me, it's only gay if you take it afterall

(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 11:58, Reply)
No
brothers, no sisters, no imaginary friends, no real friends either.

And I'm scots too.
(, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 12:01, Reply)

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