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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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my friend just sent me a picture of her baby, and it's seriously fucking uglywhat do you say tactfully to something like that?
alt: were you an ugly baby? or a cute baby? what went wrong?
altalt: fucking wooooo, following the demise of my beloved salad bar, another one has opened near my office. lunch?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:10,
210 replies,
latest was 13 years ago)
All babies are uglyJust coo over the pics (unless it looks like it has some sort of deformity - even then you still have to be tactful)
Alt: I was a big baby - over 2 Kg - and have matured over the last 52 years into a fat, balding middle-aged git. So, nothing went wrong there then!
Altalt: Salad bars are gay, London salad bars are gay and overpriced.
Lunch will be some home-made soup which includes MEAT!
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:18, Reply)
a friend of my gf's just became a grandmaand i'd totally hit that, i mean she's the first GILF i've ever seen
alt i dunno, i don't fancy babies?
altalt that's the shittest, gayest altalt ever
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:19, Reply)
Alright q dog(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:22,
Reply)
Yeah, not bad.(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:35,
Reply)
wow, i almost feel proud of my altaltit has some stiff competition to win that prize
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:24,
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Just do the thing people always do, and tell them how cute it is, and how much it looks like them, and it has it's dads eyes. Then avoid any talk of babysitting and go to the pub.
Alt. Really really ugly.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:20,
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hang on, i'll see if i can dig some out. I'm at work though, so not likely.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:28,
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i would laugh a lotalthough i do hear you're not entirely ugly in real life, so good job growing up there.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:35,
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christ stop judging me by your own standards!(
rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:39,
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he might be ginge but he's not half bad!I saw him getting off with two dogs the other day. you might well be in.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:47,
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if all else failsthere's always date rape drugs
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:51,
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Alright Mmpsi bet you got a right lob on at that pic, you filthy sex pest.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:53,
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sexiest thing I've ever seentongues everywhere, didn't know which were yours and which was theirs.
my missus saw your pic and said you look nice but should never smile, cause you're all gums. I hope this helps.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:55,
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Thanks, i'll hit up A Vagbond about how to look dark as dark and broody as possible
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:03,
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Talk to Monty as well, he can help with standing in the rainto look extra moody
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:04,
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You say "Awwww s/he looks just like you/its dad"*However ugly it is, she thinks it is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen.
Alt: I'm sure I was very cute, but then I stopped being a baby. There is certainly nothing cute about me now.
Altalt: Far too early.
*Delete as appropriate.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:41,
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lie, parents are blind to their own crotchfruitalt: I looked arian, white hair and blue eyes.
altalt: breasts hopefully, a sandwich more likely
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:43,
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try saying: congrats! it appears to be human.or just shut the fuck up and let them enjoy their fucking deformed child without fucking judging it.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:45,
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I imagine you said that with a pout.GET TO YOUR ROOM!
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:47,
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can i take the budgies with me?they're all i've got
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:51,
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NO. the budgies are confiscated.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:55,
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Whilst this is all very interestingI'VE JUST HAD ABOUT 80 SAUSAGES DELIVERED IN A COOL BOX!!!!!!!
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:57,
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I finished Mockingjay last night, i was disappointed on the wholee(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:59,
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Maybe it's because you aren't 17.I thought as endings go it was alright.
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:01, Reply)
Well yes, I meant throughout the series really. i found it quite irritatingnice easy read though
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:02,
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I thought it was the weakest book of the threebut worked very well as an ending. I don't care if I am twice the age of the target demographic, I think they're brilliant books.
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:02, Reply)
I wouldn't say brilliant, but certainly a well written trilogy of books for children.I can think of many worse books for children, such as Harry Potter or Twilight.
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:07, Reply)
Twilight is not a series of booksIt's a poorly-thought out collection of words, edited into an order which makes some vague sense but is nonetheless utter bollocks.
Just finished Game of Thrones, which was quality. Itching to pick up A Clash of Kings but have just started an OU course so best not.
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:10, Reply)
I really hope he doesn't die before he finishes the series.In any case, before I read the next one (when he finally writes it) I'll have forgotten all the characters. I had enough trouble remembering them while reading the damn books.
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:11, Reply)
Hadn't considered his mortalityWasn't it originally supposed to be a trilogy anyway?
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:17, Reply)
Birthday present from my brother and sister.I don't have a garden Al, no chance of a BBQ at mine.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:59,
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That's not a bad present actually.Unless you really hate sausages.
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:01, Reply)
LOL you have to live on food aid or you'll die of hunger because you are broke!(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:03,
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I get this new and topical joke!!!!(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:05,
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I find this extremely unlikely.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:08,
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No, you're correct.He is the epitome of level headed calm. Much as Captain Placid is a prime example of the kind of man you'd want to look after your teenage daughter.
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:12, Reply)
What was so cool about the box?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:59,
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It had scenes from Auschwitz on it.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:59,
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oh ho, I see what you've done there.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:01,
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Gasp in amazement at my clever wordplay skills.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:01,
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This guy's good, WP - REALLY good.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:05,
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Also, I put it to you that this is NOT all very interesting.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:01,
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It would be if you weren't some kind of half man vegetable eater.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:05,
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They are likely to have a shorter lifespan anyway(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:16,
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Well, I thought we were referring to the rest of the thread.But now you mention it, it's true that I have little to no interest in your ground meat stuffed inside intestines.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:13,
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80 sausages is far too many for one man.I shall come and help you eat them. Now.
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:02, Reply)
"You have an ugly child". Firm, but fair.Alt, I was lovely, Jimmy Saville cuddled me on many an occasion.
Altalt, it's going to be Spanish Omelette and salsd I think. Does this contravene your vegetarian/vegan principles?
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:01, Reply)
There is a band called the SubwaysTheir bassist is a girl.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:18,
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AltAlt I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest I might go for some kind of sandwichI'm including wraps in that, I want to seem inclusive.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:08,
Reply)
I shouted at Swipey earlier for not answering my FB mailIn the interest of fairness, I must now shout at you also.
BEARDY TWAT
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:10, Reply)
Probably couldn't just leave at 3 but might take the afternoon off.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:13,
Reply)
Save it for next time and we'll try and do a mini-bash mateTwo weeks isn't enough time to organise really
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:18, Reply)
I can't believe that the earl of sandwich invented the sandwich. Surely someone else had the previous idea of sticking something between two slices of bread?
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:14, Reply)
Yeah but the first guy to think of it was the Earl of StokeThey waited til someone else did it before accrediting them
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:20, Reply)
Pick the uglier parent and say it takes after themThey'll never know you're subtly insulting them, unless of course they're reading this, which they might be.
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:12, Reply)
Just say 'awww, cute' or some such nonsense. People love hearing that about their kids.'Oh my god, she's gorgeous, I bet she gets nonced' is less acceptable, apparently.
Alt: I was very cute for about nine months, then I got round and shiny. My poor genetic material is one of the main reasons I will never reproduce.
Alt Alt: that's a good idea. I hope you're paying.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:13,
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And what would the main reason be?Do tell.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:18,
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I don't know if I should say, you might unleash your mod powers on me in a fit of pique(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:21, Reply)
I'm guessing it would have something to do with no-one wanting to have sex with me.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:23,
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I don't know about when I was a babyBut I was a seriously good-looking kid. I don't what went wrong, really. I hit puberty, got all long and gangly and never quite recovered.
My FB is full of new mothers at the moment. It's really fucking tedious.
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Kroney, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:16,
Reply)
i was talking to berk last night about having b3tans and pizzas at minegiven that monty always hosts it. we should all do that.
well, not all of us. the flat would burst.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:20,
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at my flatdate tbc. you would be welcome to come. if you turn out to be a cunt, you can stay on the balcony.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:01,
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+ and many people are massive cunts anyway(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:26,
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I can't help it, i'm so fat and unattractive I'll never get a botfriend :'@((((((
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:31,
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best typo since Scarpe Accidentally typed 'kike' in a post which mentioned Jews.
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:33, Reply)
say it looks like its dad.Alt- I looked a bit like a girl when I was very very young.
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:20, Reply)
+I didn't like it, it's been cock central for me ever since
CONTRIVED
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:22, Reply)
oh DarthI would say I've missed your mincing, bent-piercings, shit taste in music ways in your absence, but it's a niche I've made my own.
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:25, Reply)
You should put your prince albert in his flesh tunnel(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:26,
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I was a fucking georgous baby, dead cute, not just saying that, I could have been a model or something.I'm feeling very much Oh Woe Is Me about my Oh Woe Is Meisims, I only woke up 30 minutes ago, I want to go back to being a normal human being, its not fun anymore.
I think I need to watch the muppet's christmas carrol today to snap out of it.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:49,
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Dude.Normal human beings older than about 5 wouldn't watch The Muppets to cheer themselves up.
Just saying, like. No offence and all that.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:50,
Reply)
what you should definitely do is mock someone with a serious medical condition based on the kinds of films he likesdefinitely
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:52, Reply)
What do they do? Hotel for Dogs?(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:52,
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How would I know?I'm not a normal human being either :o(
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:54,
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You should watch Time Bandits.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:57,
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I donno that one.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:58,
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Well it's excellent and a lot of fun AND there are dwarves in it AND Sean Connery as well as loads of other people. Proper Sunday tea time type film.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:00,
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It's tuesday dill-hole.(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:02,
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Yeah? Are you sure it's not FUCKOFFday?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:08,
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Every day is FUCKOFFday (
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:09,
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It was fucking great, thank you Double J.I really did good booking yesterday off.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:14,
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I read that as 'my excrement was a typhoon'and though, 'I hear ya, brah'.
Do you like whisky? I'm really keen to try some more Japanese ones, as they've been winning awards for them for a while now.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:18,
Reply)
Actually, that's quite a good Photoshop idea......using the footage of the typhoon blowing the car over on Okinawa.
check it out
But anyway, you're recovering now?
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:24, Reply)
'Initial reports suggest Daniel-San unharmed'I'm fine now. This is a minor miracle as I had four pints and half a bottle of cognac last night, I should feel dreadful.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:28,
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I should knowI offer quack nutritional advice as part of my job.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:32,
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Top stuff!It passed us with a few damaged trees left in it's wake. I was on Skype to my daughter and she thought it was great!
Cognac eh? I've kept off the spirits for a while - they make me feel funny (falling over and puking 'funny').
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:36, Reply)
I'm so-so on whisky,my dad's a bit of an expert, but it's a BIG THING over here - the sort of thing you give as a nice present to someone. My boss here used to hate whisky and didn't like the nice bottle I brought over the first time I visited, but he met a Scottish guy and is into it all now.
For Japanese stuff, the trick is to go into a small sake place that also sells whisky and pick up a bottle there.
Without meaning this to sound as creepy as it sounds, if you have a favourite, let me know and I'll look out for it.
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:33, Reply)
Wow, nice one.I've only tried a couple and they were lovely. My field of knowledge is cognacs, if I'm honest.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:36,
Reply)
Alright, I'll have a rummage around - get the locals' opinions - and bring you back something.
(, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:43, Reply)
Stick it up your pooper, dweeb.(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:10,
Reply)
Alright, Gonzy(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:02,
Reply)
Alright Windy?(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:10,
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I'm not great Gonz, but in the scheme of things, probably better than you.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:11,
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He's ginger.They can treat it, sure - but there's no known cure.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:14,
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Whats up mate? The good thing about feeling bad is that it doens't last forever, so when you do get fixed, you're like "OH MAN, IM BETTER NOW !"
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 13:26,
Reply)
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