Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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i think it's probably dead, but i'll try a bit of CPR anywaytell us something petty about yourself that you know is a bit Wrong, but that you just can't help getting annoyed by, or similar?
alt: do you have a guiding principle? or any principles? what is it/are they?
altalt: what is the world's most pointless pet?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:26,
228 replies,
latest was 13 years ago)
I hate lateness and queuing. And tourists with their stopping in the middle of the pavement. And this drives me to be overtly rude and it irritates me that I HAVE to do it.
Alt: Ban buses and death to Bob Crowe.
Altalt: That tit you had in the Greggs Hat.
Bebbeh.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:30, Reply)
It shouldn't irritate youIf everyone who was perfectly entitled to be angered by fuckwits getting in their way roared their disapproval, they might stop fucking doing it.
Or the government could finally adopt my idea of pavement lanes. "In a hurry", "old" and "obese/crippled".
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:35, Reply)
THAT'S A STARTAll I need now is some more policies and about 20 million likeminded fellows
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:43, Reply)
hmmwhilst i agree, i very much doubt that it is the other people that "drive" you to be rude. i think you'll find that is all you.
altalt: why were you looking at my tits, bebbeh?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:38,
Reply)
If there were no busses more common people would be crowding the pavements,they might accidently touch you as you walked past them and we know you wouldn't like that.
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wanderlust, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:41,
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:43,
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Can buttocks actually pout?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:45,
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The wires thingI don't give a flying fuck what science says, the bastard things are capable of autonomous movement and tangle themselves up out of spite.
Apparently this is wrong, but it's obviously not.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:32, Reply)
entropy does not explain tying themselves in knots rather than staying put.(
CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:36,
Reply)
It's a statistical measure of disorderit doesn't specify what form that disorder will take, so there is a certain probability that it will take the form of one or more knots.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:46, Reply)
I know what it is.you're still wrong.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:44,
Reply)
So science has given a name to the practice of inanimate objects being quite animate when there's the opportunity to annoyWell done science
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:36, Reply)
I hate it when people use 'methinks' instead of 'I think'Alt- the better you look, the more you see.
Altalt- Giant African snails.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:33, Reply)
See also the archaic language you get on here such as "you, sir"Anybody saying "you, sir" followed by some shit insult deserves a punch in the kidneys.
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Kroney, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:41,
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WIth all do respect, I honestly believe that for one, you sir, are a Cad and a Bombarder.That's probably the most wanky statement anyone can say ever.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:47,
Reply)
It's "Cad and a Bounder"a Bombardier is a decent beer poorly advertised by Rik Mayall in the very style to which you refer.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:56, Reply)
Shit, I hadn't even realised that was Rik Mayalldespite him doing exactly the same voice as for Lord Flashheart, now that I think of it. Shows how long he's been out of the game.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:04, Reply)
I donno, I don't use those words.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:16,
Reply)
Not if the shit insult isa) also delivered in an entertainingly old-school vernacular
or
b) not shit
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:47, Reply)
Well, given that the sort of person that uses "you, sir"is practically guaranteed to be a humourless prick, I fail to see when these caveats would apply.
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Kroney, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:48,
Reply)
You, sir, have delivered an annoyingly faultless argumentHA! Now reject the ego-massage!
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:54, Reply)
See also: people who say 'yourself' rather than 'you'.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:43,
Reply)
And "myself"Had a tour guide in Spain, "If you'd just like to follow myself."
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:46, Reply)
Cunts. Every single one of them.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:46,
Reply)
AltAlt: That ridiculous-looking thing Katy Perry used to drag everywhereRussell Brand
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:37, Reply)
I'm starting to hate him less recentlyI'm not happy about this.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:43,
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Oh, it's an easy habit to breakI ended up half-watching St Trinians over Christmas cos the missus' sisters had it on. My one resounding memory of the film is "Russell Brand is a talentless cunt", despite the presence of Sarah Harding and Gemma Arterton dressed as schoolgirls.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:46, Reply)
I can imagineIt's his pisstaking of Westboro Baptist and his character assassination of the heckler that has started to change my mind.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:48,
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my wife's mate is in that filmArterton has a fat arse and is massively overated
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:49,
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Stunned, let's be honest here. You'd fuck a dead traffic warden that had just been run over, so your rating of 'would' doesn't carry much merit.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:52,
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I'd ruin Artertonand my taste in women is impeccable and my trousers chaste.
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Kroney, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:53,
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My tastes are famously impeccable, as proven by my shockingly low Magic Numberand I... well, might, if I'm honest.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:56, Reply)
Yeah. Total vindication right there.From a gayer and a french bloke. Says it all.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:06,
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Women have no idea at allas to what makes a woman attractive. None.
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Kroney, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:14,
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I second thisI think it's at least partly to do with the fact that nary a woman exists who doesn't have some ludicrously unjustifiable issue with her own appearance.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:22, Reply)
Actually, I do.www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Falcon%20Punch
knowyourmeme.com/memes/falcon-punch
I think it is you that is confused.
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Kroney, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:32,
Reply)
That's a highly reliable source of validation right therewww.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=botty+pop-pop
You're right though, I thought it was a clout in the fanny.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:34, Reply)
see I don't hate russell brand(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:00,
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bit of a white out here, so popped back to the chalet for tea and cakeI Cannae see MAN
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:38,
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in Meribel, eating and drinking like a gluttonand enjoying some fantastic snow, even if I couldn't see it today
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:47,
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my boss brought back some more of that awesome truffle stuffed cheese for me after christmasom nom nom
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:53,
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slightly more exoticbut i do love me a bit of purple babybel action
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:03,
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I haven't met youand I'm absolutely perplexed as to how the words "purple babybel" could not be filthy.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:27, Reply)
purple babybelhow is that not rude?
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:24,
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It'd take me all fucking day to list the petty things that piss me offso I shall simply say "the world".
alt: Of course, I have some very strong principles. No actual *morals* as such, but definitely principles.
altalt: guinea pig. I heard somewhere that they're extinct in the wild from being so shit.
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Kroney, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:40,
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i think you heard that from meand i think i was talking about hamsters
but i said it online, so it must be true
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:43,
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If guinea pigs aren't extinctthen they fucking well should be.
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Kroney, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:44,
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But then Cavy would be totally alone.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:46,
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I told her she just needs to be sluttier around drunken men, but she didn't want to listen.I gave her the weapons, but I can't actually fight her battles for her, you know?
She needs to suck it up and get her gash out.
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Kroney, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:47,
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if you fought her battles for herhow would LARPing work then?
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:49,
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I don't think it does, really.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:50,
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will work on it when I'm better(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:57,
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hey there are millions of guinea pigs in the wildsome cultures worship them, so ner!
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:56,
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Christ, you know you've got some crap wildlifewhen the godliest animal available is one that'd lose a fight with a vole.
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Kroney, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:00,
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but they are excited by everythingjust earlier I gave mine carrot and they squeaked teh equivalent of "OH MY GOD! CARROT! FUCKING YES!"
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:06,
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Altalt: All pets are pointless.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:40,
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I don't get annoyed. I am an oasis of calmness and peace.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:43,
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Alright fatty?Happy New Pizza or whatever you've celebrated.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:44,
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did i not mention that i was in the caribbean, not even once?glad tidings natty dread bring you. i therefore feasted on flying fish and macaroni pie. yum.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:48,
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Dunno. Wasn't here much during the break.Not sure I like the idea of macaroni pie tbh. I had some excellent food, including some delicious venison. I need to lose a stone. I would ask you how, but, since you've clearly failed to...
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:51,
Reply)
they call it macaroni pie, but there is no pie involved as we would know it, certainly no pastryit's basically baked macaroni cheese, and it's fucking FIT.
haha, i am a vision of health and fitness, you gawking mewling sack of merde.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:53,
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Anybody that uses unnecessary Frenchwww.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1819597
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Kroney, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:45,
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Get any good moths for Christmas?(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:47,
Reply)
I've had about 6 pisses today.That seems quite a lot to me. How often do you urinate?
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:51, Reply)
clearly it depends how much i drinkif i have the usual - let's say a bottle of water and a can of diet coke - about once during the working day. if i am doing my water diet, about once every ten minutes.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:52,
Reply)
We need to do an Inner Space type experimentand send someone up there to investigate, and possibly free poor Shergar. He's probably croaked by now but I bet horse meat marinaded for 30 years in lawyer's flange is delicious.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:17, Reply)
Get James Cameron right away!Deepest trench on Earth, you thought........
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:21, Reply)
Think how much the food snobs would pay for a tasteHeston would be unable to compete.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:28, Reply)
We could set up a top-end restaurant based on our findings up thereWe could call it "The Fanny Trove".
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:29, Reply)
I reckon I've done that many todaybut I have had 3 cups of tea, 2 of honey and lemon and about 2 pints of water
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:58,
Reply)
I had a pint of squash before breakfast then I've had a litre and a half of water during the day.(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 15:59, Reply)
then you are probably fine(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:01,
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I don't knowit sounds as though he is not urinating enough, if he has drunk that much.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:03,
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I had 2 duck kebabs and a pot of couscous and feta salad from sainsburys(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:08, Reply)
Hang aboutI'm blaming old age, macular degeneration etc, but it really looked like you said duck kebabs there.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:10, Reply)
Yeah, from Sainsburylittle chapati style wraps with some cooked duck and peppers in a bit of a curry esque sauce inside.
They were on sale to clear the stock. They were alright.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:11, Reply)
That's kind of a reliefI honestly thought that you were so posh that your local Turkish meat grinder only served duck and pheasant.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:15, Reply)
depends on the quantity and colour each timewe need more data
wait..less data
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:07,
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www.dulux.co.uk/colours/index.jsp
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:09,
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I wonder how many people limit their colour choices of their homes just on the basis of them not realising you can go left/right.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:15,
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probably less than those who restrict their choices based on being boring
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Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:21,
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Yet this still isn't the oddest subthread on this page.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:18,
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I think the one about Shergar being trapped in Swipe's fanny is pretty oddSo odd it must be true, in fact. You can't make this stuff up.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:20, Reply)
And some old Gregg's-bag condoms.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:28,
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That is the one that I find the oddest.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:24,
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Nah you're alright with thatI'm the same because today is the start of my "I really did overdo it last month" dietary stretch. Lots of water and hot drinks + not as much grub as I'm used to = loads of urine.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:06, Reply)
It's preferable to the WHISKY CHAT.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:27,
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What about a sub-thread on Christmas poos or NYD sputum that I coughed up? (, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:26, Reply)
By which I mean 'no, shut up'.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:27,
Reply)
Well......The poo was rich like a Xmas pud and as long and had the girth of two beer cans. It took about 4 minutes to get it out and I didn't pinch it off. Control, my young padawan.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:30, Reply)
Reminds me.Needoo's? I 'need' one asap.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:36,
Reply)
Interesting segueWhen I went to Needoo's I thought the food was excellent. Not shit. And it didn't animate my poo. Shame really.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:40, Reply)
It is fucking magic in there and I've not been since my birthday.Travesty alert right here.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:43,
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Pencil that beeyotch right in.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:47,
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Well if you could skive off on Friday afternoon you could go with Stunned and me for a post 6 pint late lunch.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:44,
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No chance.I am in the shit for closing my office early on NYE and also I've my Xmas with t'nipper the next morning.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:45,
Reply)
Oh fuck off.I've not been since my birthday either. My 33rd. I'll be 35 this year. Mind you, it's a 200-mile round trip for me.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:46, Reply)
I can walk home from there in 20mins.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:47,
Reply)
Next time I'm thereI'm going to walk for 20 minutes and knock on whatever door presents itself when I stop, assuming that it'll be yours.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:51, Reply)
5 minutes for meCan I come?
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:59,
Reply)
If you wanna, for sureLet's confer tomorrow
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 17:02,
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saves me having to cook(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 17:07,
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Tastier than a Rustlers as well.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 17:16,
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If this is really going to be the standard of OT during 2013 then it is going to be even more shit than i had thought possible.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:33,
Reply)
This lack of imagination is exactly the problem with OT in 2013There are always new depths to plumb #chutneymines
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:36, Reply)
I have a little bit of yellow puss leaking out of my left tonsil.tonsillitis lols
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:30,
Reply)
Surely removing them must be easyIt stands to reason that every surgeon played Operation as a kid and you're just the right size for all that practice to pay off.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:32, Reply)
I have found that Rioja is better than Pinotage for washing antibiotics down.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:41,
Reply)
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1819761
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:36,
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b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1421483
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:40,
Reply)
Christ, that post is over a year oldDo you have an archive of links surrounded by pictures of Monty's face and the odd pair of jeggings?
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:42, Reply)
It's the only time I've ever posted something silly on the internet so he treasures it.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:43,
Reply)
This is what's known as 'setting yourself up for a fall'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:44,
Reply)
When you have to explain to somebody where the Enter key isyou are having a great day.
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Kroney, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:45,
Reply)
I've just realised that my enter key doesn't say "enter" on itPresumably in case it gives sexual deviants the wrong idea.
(, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 16:52, Reply)
Killing time on my iPad before a meet up with someone later. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 2 Jan 2013, 17:10,
Reply)
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