who is the most unfortunate person in the world? why?
alt: is it ever ok to lie to someone?

altalt: as it's lunchtime, what's the greediest thing you've ever eaten, or the occasion when you have acted the most like a greedy glutton?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:08, 123 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

You

( Peej, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:09, Reply)

:(

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:23, Reply)

He's saying you're the greediest thing he's ever eaten?
Seems a bit rude.
( Kroney, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:29, Reply)

frankly it is rude to make me the answer to any of these questions
i am quoting you in my sig AGAIN. that is twice. you are a bad influence.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:30, Reply)

Got to be Gillian McKeith's husband surely
I know that might seem self-inflicted but she obviously drugged or hypnotised him
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:10, Reply)

The man who got a papercut on his bellend

( Peej, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:13, Reply)

Haha, nope.
it'd have to be the boy from my old high school, who is currently on my mother's rehab ward after splitting his foreskin...into three.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:15, Reply)

So now it's a threeskin?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:21, Reply)

pretty much /ac

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:24, Reply)

Ouch!
Did he have it in one of them egg cutters?

I imagine the papercut bellend to be more painful
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:21, Reply)

haha, I believe he was engaging in some sort of sex play with his partner,
and it all went rather badly for him.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:23, Reply)

jesus
whatever position they were in should be torn out of the KS
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:24, Reply)

She must have been tighter than a mouse's ear

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:27, Reply)

he's gay.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:28, Reply)

In that case
S
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:31, Reply)

Was there a piercing involved or something?!
I've never heard of a foreskin ripping in three...
He must have needed a circumcision anyway! Tight.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:32, Reply)

there must have been.
I shudder just thinking about it!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:43, Reply)

I reckon he was trying to see how many jelly babies he could fit under it
and went one too far
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:50, Reply)

Or he tried to fit it up his own arse

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:54, Reply)

Honestly, I have no idea. Not sure I want to know either.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:05, Reply)

Where can I find the full movie of this utter gem
www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=BXiMqrXt6XU&NR=1
( Peej, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:16, Reply)

NSFW
for arsebased gatling gun.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:33, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GQEKx7E7TcY
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:41, Reply)

A guy I was at school with was dumb enough to bring weed into the premises
What makes him unfortunate is that one of his mates decided, upon noticing this, to shout - across the LIBRARY - "Hey Sammy why have you got an ounce of weed in your bag?"

He was expelled. I saw him 6 months later and he was a fucking mess.

Can't decide if this is unfortunate or just a poor choice of mates.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:17, Reply)

But who had the last laugh in this story?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:32, Reply)

Needless to say,
your Mum.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:34, Reply)

Two lads at my school were caught with weed
One was expelled, the other suspended. It was always suspected that it was because the suspended one's better grades being the reason why he was allowed to stay.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:18, Reply)

There are different levels of misfortune.
from and ugly face to poverty.

Alt. Some lies are ok if they will spare pain. Small ones.

Alt.Alt. Whenever I go to a buffet when Im stoned.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:19, Reply)

some people are ugly AND poor
unfortunately some of them also have access to the internet
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:22, Reply)

Yeah, well, at least I'm not fat
Oh.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:24, Reply)

The next person who uses the toilet I've just used. Fucking hell.
Alt: Yes.

AltAlt: this happens all the time.

Did you miss me fatty?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:24, Reply)

who are you again?
i've lost 5lbs since new year's day, thank you very much. AND i have signed up to do a half marathon. ner.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:25, Reply)

So have I. I am doing the Great North Run in September.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:25, Reply)

yay, well done you
we can motivate each other!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:28, Reply)

Which one are you doing?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:31, Reply)

Pah
5lbs? Might as well not have bothered *smugs*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:35, Reply)

Imagine waking up one morning, looking in the mirror and realising that you're Belgian
That person is the most unfortunate person in the world.

alt: Yes, all the time, why not, people don't matter.

altalt: I once ate a whole rotisserie chicken with potatoes an hour after having a steak dinner (at 6am)
( Theoban What of it, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:28, Reply)

hmmm
but belgium is the home of beer, chips and chocolate. i think there might be worse places. but i'll take the answer into srs account.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:29, Reply)

Nothing wrong with Belgium itself
But can you imagine being Belgian? All Poirot and that? Horrible. A fate worse than death.
( Theoban What of it, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:30, Reply)

It gets worse
On top of being Belgian, you look like this
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:19, Reply)

Wilko Johnson's not having a lot of luck at the moment.
Monty'll be distraught.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:29, Reply)

Mr and Mrs Peacocks son
Ray...

Alt, yes of course... things like "no it doesnt make your bum look big" etc. cause no harm to either party.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:30, Reply)

What about his brother Drew?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:35, Reply)

or their burns victim cousin Chris?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:38, Reply)

Apparently my new flatmate is going to drag me to the gym with her.
My life is over.
( Kroney, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:31, Reply)

Operation Silver Lining
She hot?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:36, Reply)

A *lot* of people think so, yes.

( Kroney, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:37, Reply)

There you go then
This is your chance to give up a life of trying to conceal yourself unseen outside the bathroom
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:39, Reply)

Nah, it's not like that.
We went out a few times last year. I don't have much to hide from her.
( Kroney, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:41, Reply)

Oh
In which case I suggest you look for a silver lining in the endless depths of your own ego. There'll be some proper uggos at the gym.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:44, Reply)

This.
I hate looking in the mirrors. I always look all red faced and sweaty, and it's not even cos of fun times!!
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:53, Reply)

I like that you mean dancing by that

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:07, Reply)

Be worried, you might actually enjoy it.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:20, Reply)

Alt: You're looking great since your split with Greggs hat.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:39, Reply)

I watched a doc last night on BBC3 about single teen mums up north.
Their life is fucking grim and I genuinely feel for them. They have NOTHING to look forward to. Very unfortunate.

Alt: Of course. If we all told the truth all the time the world would be dreadful place of hurt feelings and misery.

Altalt: At the height of my pomp I could eat a large pizza, portion of 4 garlic bread and wings in one sitting. Or £25 of take away. *heartattacklols*
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:47, Reply)

Re altalt: You fat mess.

( Kroney, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:53, Reply)

21 stone. You have to work at that.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:00, Reply)

Yeah, that doesn't just happen by accident.
Solid effort, old boy.
( Kroney, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:03, Reply)

No-one ever got fat behind their own back
Mind you, as I found out when I stepped on the scales on New Year's Day, it being your own fault doesn't make it any less depressing
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:13, Reply)

How much do you weigh?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:15, Reply)

Now, I weigh 14st 4lbs
Because I've been working out like a motherfucker since that day.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:16, Reply)

Be at peace, young Darth.
What's the hurry? Have all the hotties in your call centre gone off you?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:18, Reply)

Unfortunately they were never on me

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:19, Reply)

The flatmate might be dragging me to the gym by my hair
and I might* cry and stamp my feet and tantrum, but that doesn't mean I don't need a fucking good gymming.



*will
( Kroney, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:15, Reply)

I want to say it couldn't hurt
but we both know it will hurt like fuck
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:17, Reply)

Quick go on the bike. 10 minutes of weights. Look at the stairmaster.
A few pints for being a good lad.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:19, Reply)

Rowing machine as well, those things are a doddle
and justify the kebab
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:20, Reply)

*on way home*
Of course I want double cheese on the double whopper. And large onion rings. And a diet Sprite.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:22, Reply)

Good call
You'll vom up most of those nasty calories after drinking that horrible shit
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:25, Reply)

Ask them to draw you up a plan
That way, you'll hurt less than if you just use the machines willy-nilly.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:21, Reply)

Hehehe
willy
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:22, Reply)

TALK to the HELP?
Exactly who do you think I am?
( Kroney, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:22, Reply)

Gerard Depardieu.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:25, Reply)

Just had a talk on staying fit for busy people
boils down to, pilates/zumba what-have-you do no good after about 8 weeks as your body has adapted. But mostly since you probably spend 20 hours a day sitting or lying down, don't sit down at the gym - i.e. use the free weights not the machines.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:39, Reply)

Gym'll fix it for you

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:37, Reply)

how can something you eat make you greedy?

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:48, Reply)

You eat too much of it.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:51, Reply)

But its not what you eat, its eating too much of it
And again, how does that make you greedy?
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:07, Reply)

You could have something that
triggers a response to keep eating more of it.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:36, Reply)

When I was a kid I eat so much angel delight I was sick.
I would probably do it again.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 12:52, Reply)

I hope it was butterscotch flavour.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:01, Reply)

Strawberry is superior.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:21, Reply)

BOLLOCKS

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:22, Reply)

Shut it, queerbo.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:25, Reply)

Up yours flangemonkey

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:25, Reply)

Shitflinger.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:26, Reply)

Bumfluff enthusiast

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:28, Reply)

That's you, dear boy.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:29, Reply)

That is why you are doomed to forever be a pleb.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:23, Reply)

He'll never become a member of the 99 club with that sort of attitude.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:24, Reply)

*ninetyninepercenterssmughengelols*

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:32, Reply)

They make this stuff called blue crab dip
I could eat the whole container, its so lush and amazing
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:09, Reply)

This is excellent.

( Kroney, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:10, Reply)

I'm delighted to be allowed back to participate in this superb thread*.
* This may be a lie.


( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:11, Reply)

Alt: if you go to see a mate's band play
and they're shit. I can't think of it ever being OK to tell your mate that his band were shit and you want your money back. This is what versed Heather Mills in the convincing degree of deception required to get minted.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:11, Reply)

Alt: I'm not going to lie to you
This thread is shit.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:18, Reply)

Completely off the subject matter
Does anyone else think of porn whenever they hear a German woman's voice?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:23, Reply)

i suppose if thats the only sort you watch

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:28, Reply)

Dunno what to tell you K
I was peacefully listening to a song and this woman's voice pops up talking Kraut. Next thing I know it's tent central in my trousers.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:31, Reply)

After going to Thailand I think every Asian woman is a brass.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:33, Reply)

Terrible racism
Anyway the term is gook, monkey is for blacks.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:34, Reply)

Apparently I was "too boocoo"

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:36, Reply)

maybe you just found her voice attractive

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:36, Reply)

IHRE PAPIERE, BITTE!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:37, Reply)

Not even Germans
Find the German accent attractive
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:38, Reply)

alright then

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:39, Reply)

The kid that protested at KFC
I don't think he's ever going to get laid.

Alt: Yes.

AltAlt: My friend and I used to share boneless boxes from KFC, that wasn't good. Either that, the £5 box, or the burger I ate in Glasgow.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:30, Reply)

You've got to make sure there is a bone in your box when sharing with a mate.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:34, Reply)

If you say so.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:38, Reply)

AltAlt: noshed off Stephen Fry once

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Jan 2013, 13:33, Reply)