Alright.
I bought a Valentines card today and cut out paper clothes to go over the "woman" to make it 2 men. Have you ever sent a transvestite valentines?
Are you doing anything special this Friday, or do you not need a made up Hallmark Holiday to make your crywanks special?

Alt. I'm fitting a new end on my rooftop aerial this week and extending it to my bedroom. Is this easy to do? I've got as far as stripping the outer wire.
How DIY savvy are you? Changing lightbulbs, flat pack furniture or building your own house?

AltAlt. weather eh?! What a fuck up it's been for the south. Have you been affected?

\o/
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 11:45, 197 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Can I join this thread please?
Rory's trying to start an argument with Rachel about her kitchen. It's going to get rubbish.
Nothing planned as yet for VD. Probably do something predictable.
I like the diy stuff, old man was a builder so I grew up with it. I like power tools :)
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 11:53, Reply)

As a doctor, you really ought to be aware that VD is usually a surprise event.

( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 11:55, Reply)

Rory argues with everyone. Myself and Rach more. He loves the bite.
Poor overlooked, petulant, middle child syndrome.

One of his many.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 11:57, Reply)

Doesn't argue with everybody, as a matter of fact.
Just those who'll react.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:01, Reply)

Yeah I'm trying to rein it in.
But then what will he do?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:05, Reply)

There's always swipe, she's addicted.

( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:07, Reply)

implode in a ball of boredom

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:08, Reply)

Coax is very easy to do.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 11:56, Reply)

CABLE CHAT YESSSS!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 11:58, Reply)

HA!

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 11:58, Reply)

Just when I thought this morning was getting dull!!!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 11:59, Reply)

It's been a while!
It's the best one here.

What's your best cable, frog?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 11:59, Reply)

my least favourite is the apple lightning cables as I only have one and nothing else fits the ipad

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:00, Reply)

I think it's dodgy how you can't change the battery in an iphone, so it's always on, so they can track you.
*wears tin foil hat*
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:04, Reply)

What are your views on the moon landings?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:07, Reply)

i can't wait for micro to learn about this at school

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:07, Reply)

I've already started teaching her about the Bilderberg Group.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:13, Reply)

maybe she can borrow monty's hat
hopefully seeing the lovely purchaser of said hat over the weekend, I've missed her!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:18, Reply)

She's made micro a scarf which is kind of her. Haven't seen her since before Christmas.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:23, Reply)

THAT'S NO MOON!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:23, Reply)

I've just had a youtube and even I can manage it!
Ordered 2x male and 2x female ends, all bases coverd.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 11:58, Reply)

You mean you couldn't get two male connections to fit together?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 11:59, Reply)

Oh very well done indeed. 10/10.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:00, Reply)

you have to turn one round and push it in the back of it

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:01, Reply)

^ tggi

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:03, Reply)

Not for want of trying!
But no, I get the general idea of male to female.

It turns my stomach but it's natures way I suppose.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:03, Reply)

Well it's good to see you're no straightophobe.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:35, Reply)

Long as they don't shove it in my face, they can do what they want

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:02, Reply)

I don't think I've sent a Valentine card since I was at school.
Alt: I can change a light bulb. For everything else I pay someone else to do it.

Altalt: Haven't really noticed.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 11:58, Reply)

Yeah me and the fella aren't really bothered about it, a card will do and a takeaway instead of cooking with a nice bottle of bolly

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:00, Reply)

I have never sent a transvetite valenties - there's an unusual sentence to type!
Alt: I'm pretty savvy - I've fitted bathrooms including replumbing/showers etc. I've fitted kitchens, refloored a whole house, laminate floored several others. Built several kit cars, used to tune engines for fun (before all this electronics/injection poncery) and I've rewired - under supervision - a house.
Altalt. If you live on a flood plain which floods please don't take it wrong when I say FUCKING DUMBASS - IT'S A FLOOD PLAIN, THE CLUE IS IN THE WORDS FLOOD AND PLAIN YOU FUCKWIT!
I haven't been affected as I live:
a) On a hill and
b) As far away from the coast as it's possible to be in this country
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:00, Reply)

I'm sure those affected aren't just on the flood planes.
But yeah, same as people crying about earthquakes and tornados when they move to areas prone to it etc.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:02, Reply)

It's like moving to the Sahara and then compaining about the heat and sand
As to the coastal issues - I have more sympathy. Coastal defences should be better, they should be maintained and reviewed as to effectiveness regularly and properly financed.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:08, Reply)

They will be after this public shambles.
Why couldn't it have been Blackpool or somewhere more deserving? :(
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:24, Reply)

i sent a valentine's card to a teacher who later on turned out to be gay, which is as close as i've come
presents and cooking dinner at home on fri night, nothing fancy. he might get lamb, if he's lucky.

alt: I had to pay someone to put together a flatpack bookshelf, if that answers your question.

altalt: no. but as i'm looking at walking to and from work on wed and thu, it better stay fucking dry.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:02, Reply)

Getting lamb? Is that a euphemism?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:03, Reply)

sadly not
I am yet to convert him to our animal loving, greener ways.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:04, Reply)

Nobody in their right mind would swap meat for butternut squash

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:06, Reply)

^this

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:07, Reply)

he won't be in his right mind
he'll be henpecked into it
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:07, Reply)

As a ginger vegetarian what are your good points?

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:19, Reply)

i'm NOT ginger
and I cook meat for other people, but don't eat it myself, leaving MOAR meat for them.

what more do you want?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:21, Reply)

Good point ginge.

(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:27, Reply)

s296.photobucket.com/user/rachelswipe/media/do/993363_10153171287420227_867376597_n1_zps68998ae5.jpg.html
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:34, Reply)

BROWN BROWN BROWN

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:35, Reply)

GINGER GINGER GINGER.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:38, Reply)

^ ^ ^

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:39, Reply)

you sound like my 4 year old niece
when I find out which of my brothers taught her to say it to me, i'll kill them
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:39, Reply)

Ha ha. Excellent work by your brother.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:41, Reply)

if you stopped reacting to it, people will stop mocking for it.
Why don't you dye it a lovely "Auburn Sunset" for a time
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:43, Reply)

hair the hue of Irn Bru

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:45, Reply)

+ SHOUTING
+ SHOUTING MEGA MEGA WHITE THING
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:01, Reply)

She's pretty easy and has a fairly low self-esteem.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:22, Reply)

easy and has a fairly low self-esteem thanks tuib, but it's nothing compared to my generous and vivacious sparkling personality.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:26, Reply)

and vivacious sparkling personality waistline
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:28, Reply)

Alt: piece of piss
I'm pretty handy, yeah. DIY's a blue job, innit.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:02, Reply)

I'm going to get 12 roses from the garage, a box of £4.99 thorntans, a teddy bear and card from clintons.... then pay the teacher a quid to deliver it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:07, Reply)

i like roses
best of all teh flowers. and also those bright big colourful daisies, not gerbera, but sounds like it.

not lilies though. they might look beautiful, but they smell like tramp corpse piss.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:09, Reply)

Who are you wooing that you'll need a teacher to deliver for you on a weekday?
Actually, you know what? I don't need to know.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:09, Reply)

TGeventuallyGI

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:38, Reply)

I'd have thought 13 years of marriage would get me out of having to participate in that shit
I mean, I bought her flowers the other day when I wasn't fucking obliged to by a meaningless date, surely that's more romantic. I even remembered to peel the yellow Whoops! sticker off.

Alt: I fitted a kitchen that lasted a good ten years before we got a new one put in. I put up some pictures using a spirit level at the weekend which, given our house was seemingly built before spirit-levels were invented, was a complete waste of fucking time.

Altalt: Bit wet and windy, musn't grumble etc
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:09, Reply)

The mistake you're making there is in attempting to apply logic to a fundamentally illogical creature.
Just view it as necessary payment for being able to hide in the shed for most of the year.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:12, Reply)

Can we have shed chat?
Please, can we?
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:17, Reply)

I have no shed, but then I have no wife.
Ergo I have no need of a shed.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:18, Reply)

I have both AND a greenhouse!!!
I also built a barbecue. Garden time is excellent.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:21, Reply)

Wow, you must really fucking hate your wife.
Superb avoidance skills, there. A lesson to us all.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:22, Reply)

I've got a brick shed
with an old outhouse attached that I've converted into a coal bunker. I use the shed about once a year to clear out all the shit that gets chucked in there.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:31, Reply)

You're using your shed wrong.

( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:38, Reply)

I don't think I'm a shed person

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:45, Reply)

^^Bill Clay admitting to being a girl, here^^

( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:54, Reply)

Musical-loving, shed-mehing 'Bill Clay'
I fear the veil has well and truly dropped
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:03, Reply)

Hoist by your own lavender-scented petard.

( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:04, Reply)

Illogical aint the half of it
The other day I said to her that Take Me Out was a bit of a laugh but mostly shit, which led to her not talking to me for the rest of the day and being on the verge of tears because (and it took me a good few hours of silence and "nothing's wrong"'s to get this out of her) "we have nothing in common anymore" and "what are we going to do when the kids move out?". Fucks sake.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:18, Reply)

What's a Take Me Out?
Sounds like pretty typical blobbing, to me.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:19, Reply)

translation: you had done something minor to annoy her previously and it had been building up to this for a while

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:20, Reply)

Yeah Take Me Out was the catalyst. Do you go out on date nights or anything like that?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:27, Reply)

Fucksake some people!
You ent supposed to have things in common, she's a woman.
Let her be different without knocking her and maybe she'll stop sulking.
/Marge Proops blog
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:28, Reply)

Voice of reason here
Where would we all be if blokes were into the same nonsense that women find entertaining?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:30, Reply)

We'd all be living in expertly decorated homes
with shelves that fall off the walls the moment you put any of your wonderfully aromatic home-made pot pourri on them.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:32, Reply)

here is how it works
if you buy something, she will roll her eyes and say it's stupid, but be secretly pleased. even if she isn't secretly pleased, her friends will ask her what you got her, and they will JUDGE you.

if you buy nothing, she will JUDGE you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:14, Reply)

There must be a few birds who aren't psycho bitches though?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:15, Reply)

Probably the brain dead thickos, but you'd know about that :)

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:16, Reply)

who cares about brains, so long as they're hot?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:17, Reply)

FINALLY you're getting the idea.

( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:18, Reply)

I care about brains, which is why I can put up with your pig ugly face.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:18, Reply)

lucky for you, i have both

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:19, Reply)

That was clearly my point

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:19, Reply)

remember what stunned said about hanging onto me?
YEAH! THAT GUY GETS IT!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:22, Reply)

never met him

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:26, Reply)

i was thinking of having everyone over for a massive trash my old kitchen party
he'd be good at that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:27, Reply)

RIP Monty's sofa

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:28, Reply)

I vote for this Friday

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:29, Reply)

^Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah^
*breathes*
Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

They're ALL mental!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:17, Reply)

you've been married a while, you know the rules by now

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:17, Reply)

^ and if she has gay friends, I will judge you more.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:34, Reply)

we usually tell each other not to bother with presents
sometimes even the card

I've got her something she'll love this year though, I'm a great present buyer but I'm apparently not easy to buy for. *practices pleasant surprise face*
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:49, Reply)

Watched the new Hotel Inspector at the weekend and the owner gave her some flowers.
Pair of poofs that me and the boyfriend are noticed he left the price sticker on and heckled him for it. Haha!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:26, Reply)

Wasting his time with her anyroad.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:30, Reply)

Yeah she did a nice rolleyes, then saw the sticker herself.
Like when a fan got Madonna Hydrangeas and she bitched about it "forgetting" her mic was on...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBNDiE5sDsc
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:36, Reply)

Now - Alex Polizzi is hot!
I will brook no dissent on this.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:38, Reply)

Google images says not

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:40, Reply)

She's a power woman and no mistake.
Very eloquent with her language.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:42, Reply)

TUIB - don't make me hurt you...

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:43, Reply)

She's alright for somebody on the wrong end of forty, I suppose.
Go off well quick past thirty, don't they?
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:46, Reply)

The flooding's hit Berkshire, so it's vaguely important now.
If it hits London it will be actually important.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:15, Reply)

Thank fuck it's lunch.
Butties from yesterday's roast, very nice bit of beef. TOpped with tomatoes, mustard and crumbly cheese. Been thinking about these fuckers all morning.
(DBT became a fruitarian on, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:16, Reply)

Beef and cheese? How gauche!

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:22, Reply)

Cheese is a kind of meat.
A tasty yellow beef.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:33, Reply)

^

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:37, Reply)

Shouldn't have a problem, after all Valentine was a bloke.

Build or make most things, more tools than /talk.

Pissed down worse than Noah's nightmare and we're flat as fuck here but no flooding. Us thick worzels built drainage you see.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:22, Reply)

Well you can't take credit for that.
You see, all those people that bought on a flood plain and didn't bother investigating the risk of flooding or taking out insurance have said it's the government's fault for not doing enough to prevent it for them. Since it's apparently all down to the government to sort this shit out, it must have been them that put in your drainage and they all live in the South East, like civilised people.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:25, Reply)

No the farmers done it.
Choice between that and drowning.
Or, unthinkably, moving south.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:32, Reply)

I find it all quite funny, out of pure schadenfraude.
OK, if your place floods, it's a shame. But if you move to the Somerset Levels, whose natural state is under water, I don't see how you can be surprised that it floods. It wants to flood. Flooding makes it happy.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:35, Reply)

I agree with you.
They seem to manage ok in The Everglades.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:47, Reply)

I'd love to live in that area, but not being a spastic, I'll buy on a hill.
I'd probably keep an inflatable dinghy in the attic, too. Again, not a spastic.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:48, Reply)

alright
I watched Django Unchained this weekend. It was 'okay'.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:30, Reply)

I found it to be 'reasonable entertainment for a couple of hours'

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:31, Reply)

yer it was alright
Christoph Walz was very good. Overall 7/10.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:32, Reply)

when i suggested that to my friend
my predictive text changed it to "flange unchained". we never did see it.

saw the aids one on Saturday afternoon, that was good.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:36, Reply)

aids was 'good'?
You sicken me.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:37, Reply)

it was the good kind

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:38, Reply)

ah, haemophilia Aids

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:38, Reply)

We watched The Lone Ranger.
It was "fun".
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:37, Reply)

I'll wait til it's on Netflix then. If it ever gets there.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:41, Reply)

I'm going to watch Pacific Rim tonight, finally.
What could possibly ruin a film about giant robots punching giant monsters? An attempt at a plot. I hope they haven't bothered.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:47, Reply)

is that the one with Rihanna in it?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:48, Reply)

Dunno, it's the one about giant monsters being punched to death by giant robots, if that helps?

( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:49, Reply)

the only thing that could possibly improve that precis
Is Rihanna's arse.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:50, Reply)

I am ambivalent.

( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:02, Reply)

Rihanna has a cracking arse.
Cor!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:05, Reply)

It's not good enough to make up for that face.
Jesus.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:06, Reply)

she's a right smutty bitch innit dogg

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:08, Reply)

I'll stick with being a Portman fanboy, I think.

( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:09, Reply)

She does nothing for me.
Pretty enough but just leaves me cold.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:13, Reply)

if you'd gone to her show, you could have seen her rimming one of her dancers
pathetic, there were kids in that audience.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:50, Reply)

I'd like to have it off with Rihanna

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:51, Reply)

funny, when i was in barbados, i met her dad
and he said she couldn't stop talking about you
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:55, Reply)

well, chicks do dig me

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:57, Reply)

yeah
with a spade
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:59, Reply)

RACIST!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:59, Reply)

I think there would have been a bit more outcry if she'd rimmed one of them...

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:52, Reply)

she squatted over her face and gyrated
I am far from prudish, but that was just gratuitous and pathetic.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:54, Reply)

dutty ho

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:04, Reply)

You do know I was referring to her rimming a child, Yes?

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:05, Reply)

No.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:50, Reply)

Nah that was Battleship, based on the popular board game

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:51, Reply)

yer I know
I was being satirical.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:52, Reply)

...
oh, lol
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:53, Reply)

Technically a 'pencil and paper' game

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:53, Reply)

you just sank my coracle :'(

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:56, Reply)

My pedalo got blowed up!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:58, Reply)

you just sank my kayak with your longboat :(

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:00, Reply)

I knew a man who had a 'sit on top kayak' in camouflage

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:01, Reply)

cool colour scheme

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:02, Reply)

onnot

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:03, Reply)

yer
I'm thinking of broadening my palette, I might add 'striated' to my favourite colours.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:06, Reply)

I like 'harlequin'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:09, Reply)

interesting
Houdstooth is also alright.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:14, Reply)

I have a houndstooth jacket, I don't have a harlequin one
I think that tells you all you need to know
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:16, Reply)

If you're 15.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:17, Reply)

Or a hound.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:19, Reply)

Dogs wouldn't watch dogs fuck on that.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:21, Reply)

You're the satirical Jesse James.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:53, Reply)

*waits for him to go down in flames*

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:54, Reply)

They haven't.
It's entertaining rubbish.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:50, Reply)

Excellent.

( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:53, Reply)

I'd have thought you could get a valentines card for same sex couples
you can get incestuous ones there. I was most disturbed when I went to get one for the missus and saw "Happy valentines to my brother/sister/aunty/uncle/mum/dad/mum in law/dog/cat etc" cards
( Peej, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:37, Reply)

i think that's quite an american Thing
my American former flatmate sent me a big bunch of flowers on valentines day as a thank you for letting her live with me for a year. I won't say I was disappointed when I saw the card, but...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:38, Reply)

You probably can but I'm not trekking to Clone Zone to find one.
HaPpY IncEst DAy!!
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:40, Reply)

Don't they do valentine's cards for raging quares?
I've seen wedding day cards for them, so I'd have thought there would be a market for valentine ones. Someone's missing a gap in the market there.

Alt: I'm getting a lot better since I've been married to an engineer. I'll have a go at most things, as long as I have clear instructions.

AltAlt: although we technically live on a flood plain, our part of Somerset is completely unaffected. Been a lot of high winds, though. I've lost three umbrellas in the last month.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 10 Feb 2014, 12:55, Reply)

Just picked it up in Sainsburys. It's more fun now I have made one a drag King.
altalt. people who use umbrellas in wind deserve their deaths.

The umbrellas, not the people.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:06, Reply)

I've just bought a Fulton.
I'm hoping it will survive the rest of the winter.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:11, Reply)

My new one's a Fulton! OMG we're umbrella twins.
So far it handles gusty wind much better than my old one. Some pretty serious bracing in the parasol supports going on.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:12, Reply)

They seem to be a lot better made than most.
I got a transparent one though, and the PVC smell takes me right back to 1970s toys and wendy houses.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:16, Reply)

I wasn't alive in the 1970s.
Soz.
( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:19, Reply)

That's a shame.
You missed the classic show, "Wait till your father gets home".

Which in your house, of course, he never did.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:23, Reply)

I dont see how a Japanese fold out bed settee is going to help

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:33, Reply)

Well, this is gash.
My appraisal just got cancelled.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:14, Reply)

Would you like us to appraise you?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:16, Reply)

Go on then.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:17, Reply)

"You're alright I suppose"

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:18, Reply)

Hardly a "payrise" appraisal.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:21, Reply)

I don't feel there is any evidence in the performance related data I have recieved to date to warrant any changes to your contract in terms of remuneration

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:24, Reply)

^cunt^

( Kroney, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:18, Reply)

Oh, this should be good.
Hang on while I get popcorn.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:19, Reply)

'not as much of a cunt as Al'

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:23, Reply)

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 10 Feb 2014, 13:27, Reply)