Morning all!
Another grey day but my heart is full of sunshine! *barf*

Slightly whimsical today, so I wondered:

If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

Zero points for

1. Kate Humble/George Clooney
2. Minus Clothes
3. Plus Strawberry Jelly

And, of course, how the devil are you?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 7:13, 300 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Mine's pretty easy
1. That my daughter should never be seriously ill or seriously mistreated.
2. America relaxes its aggressive foreign policy.
3. £50 tax-free every day for life.

I'm a simple soul really.

Today I am mostly a bit tired and just wanna get today and tomorrow out of the way so I can go to the lake for the weekend!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 7:20, Reply)

Good morning to you.
I've wish for:
1, Vulgar amounts of cash so I could laze away the rest of my life.
2, Special fags and beer that don't bugger your lungs and knacker your liver.
3, My cat to live as long as I do.

I'm knackered. I came off nights on Monday and the Missus is still yammering on

"Why haven't you strightened out your body clock already? We're going on holiday on Monday and I don't intend to have been looking forward to it all year just so you can fall asleep ....... I'm not having a go but you can see where I'm coming from.". I may well bury her in the fucking lake district,
(SpunkyMcSpunkbubble Diddled your nubbin on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:20, Reply)

Morning No3l
Well, that's me got zero points then.

Must go and think of 3 others!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:21, Reply)

1. To invent something cool and useful enough for me to be remembered and make a stack of cash
so I can then stop working and pursue a music career with my band.
2. Fags that don't screw your health
3. The ability to either breathe underwater or hold my breath for a really long time plus associated pressure-dealing-with apparatus and swimming ability

morning folks
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:28, Reply)

OK, how about
1 - good health
2 - a long happy life
3 - plenty of cash so I don't have to work.

I have no aspirations to be rich and famous.

Just rich will do fine.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:31, Reply)

Morning folks
Vipros... you want... gills? Fair enough I suppose :)

I considered wishing for Bert and Ernie presenting all rolling news, but I thought it might be a bit frivolous.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:33, Reply)

Morning Vipros, Swan V
@No3l - frivolous perhaps, but it would certainly brighten up the news!

@Vipros - you need to be a guitar-playing seal. That in itself would earn you enough money so you didn't have to work, and also fulfil your other wish.

But not the fags one, of course. You'd have to speak to a tobacco company about that.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:41, Reply)

what's wrong with gills?
:-)

I actually had a really hard time thinking of 3 wishes

mainly, I'd like to not have to go to work. if I could make a good living doing something I really enjoyed and didn't involve sitting in an office and getting up early I'd be happy.

I should consider a different job really, but this one isn't too bad....

edit: @k2k6, you've given me just the answer I've been looking for

now I just need to gather together all b3tan science types to work on it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:43, Reply)

morning
hmmm... three wishes?

I'll come back to you on that :)

*edit*

If we get truly fantasticle ones

1)The ability to fly
2)To be independantly wealthy
3)To run a cafe of somesort, whereby I don't do most of the work, I just get to do the cooking :)
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:45, Reply)

This 3 wishes thing brings to mind
spakka's joke about the man with the head like a giant orange. I laughed for ages about that but no-one I told it to seemed to find it funny at all.

Morning weekirst.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:50, Reply)

Morning kirst!
I'm not sure I could handle a huge amount of cash. I'd probably blow it all on drugs and hoes. I love gardening when I'm high.

Edit: K2k6... got a link or care to repeat the joke?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:50, Reply)

mornin lads
How are you all today? :)
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:56, Reply)

I'm good...
Just had a packet of crisps. Breakfast of Champions!

How're you? Good wishes btw, I'd love to cook for people too.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 8:59, Reply)

Thanks!
I'm pretty well, all things considered (my main concern really is that i'm at work) :)

I really really like to cook for people. -Cook for hire anyone? I'll come to your house, cook for a dinner party and yuo can pretend you did it all yourself and I'll dissapear off into the background:)

you just have to get me too and from the dinner party place, give me wine and I'll charge a nominal fee for my time (and of course you have to supply all the food)
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:05, Reply)

I laughed my arse off at that joke too
and no one I told it to found it that funny either

losers

No3l: drugs and hoes, I like it :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:05, Reply)

Sounds like fun
although getting you from there to here might present some problems :) My daughter and I cooked Wenslydale-stuffed chicken with creamed leeks and cheese & potato towers last week, and it was all of the nom nom nom.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:09, Reply)

@no31
That actually sounds very tasty

Last night I had chichen wrapped in parma ham, stuffed with garlic mushrooms with Bubble and squeak on the side. nom nom nom :)
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:15, Reply)

Wishes you say?
Hmm I would wish for some money, just enough to clear my debts and have some savings because I think if I stopped working I would just drink and smoke all day long.
A teleporter so I can go wherever I want whenever I Want.
A 1972 Aston Martin DBS.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:15, Reply)

I've been having homemade smoothies for breakfast the last couple of days
been pretty tasty and kept me going easily as well as a bowl of shreddies

damn cold though

@kirst, that sounds really nice

I had meatballs in tomato and basil sauce with parmesan mash

edit: Morning Badger, how are you?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:15, Reply)

I can't find the link
but the joke went something like this (apologies to spakka for my paraphrasing and the bits I've made up):

A man with a head like a giant orange went into a pub. He got chatting to one of the locals, who was of course curious about his head, but didn't say anything about it. Anyway, it turns out that the man had found a bottle, which he'd rubbed and out came a genie granting him three wishes.

"So what was your first wish?" asked the local.

"I wished for lots of money", replied the man. "More money that you could imagine. And *bang*, instantly I had billions of pounds".

"Great, so what about the second wish?"

"I wished that women would find me irresistible. Next thing I know, I'm surrounded by gorgeous girls desperate to bed me".

"OK, so what was your third wish then?" asked the bloke in the pub.

"I wished for a head like an orange".


Like I say, I pissed myself at this. But nobody else found it funny :(
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:18, Reply)

Morning TGB
I'm always tempted to turn any meal into a smoothie so I can pretend I'm an astronaut.

Edit: Ahaha... that's tickled me that has. Thankyou.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:20, Reply)

Morning all
Wishes? Hmmm...

1) Inspiration and a book deal
2) £20k in the bank
3) A better paying day job
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:21, Reply)

Hey Vipros *hugs*
I'm ok. Feeling a bit down for no apparent reason though :( I do like the orange head joke though, mainly because I like random crap :p

Edit: Hey No3l. Astronauts are cool!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:21, Reply)

Morning!
How's it going?

3 wishes?

1) Pay rise
2) Me maws going into hospital today so for everything to go well with that.
3)People to just be generally happier and more polite to one another.

@ Vipros Non deadly fags would be awesome.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:23, Reply)

Hmmmm
A kittun
A puppy
Another kittun
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:25, Reply)

Morning PJM, holy
How's your day so far?

Reedit: oneinthepink: wish for two kittens and get one wish free!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:30, Reply)

Here goes
A job would be nice. One where I look forward to going to work, have a 'proper' career and earn a reasonable amount of cash.

Ha. Ha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHa.

Ahem.

In reality, I'd probably end up sucking off tramps if the pay was reasonable.

Number Two would be a new liver, or the willpower to stop corroding my own.

And finally, number three would be a happy smiley personality rather than the grumpy angry one I got issued with.

And in other news for the foodies, last night was a sort of one-pot chicken chasseury thing with piles of buttery mash and peas. Except I got the quantities wrong so wife & spawn scoffed the lot and I ended up scavenging.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:30, Reply)

Errr...only 3?
OK - how about this?

1. That Henry's never ill or sick
2. That my company keeps going
3. That I can find some people who are able to work for the company without constantly moaning about having to go to Rio*

* relates to consultant I've just hired who's now going to Rio for a week and is moaning about it. Grrr.

Anyone here got
(a) PhD with a strong quant background
(b) speaks Portugese
(c) doesn't moan

?
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:33, Reply)

Just 3?
1. A new policy at work that insisted that I keep the same salary but only work one day a week
2. A freakish by-product of the credit crunch which wiped out all of my debt
3. A big steak pie with mash and peas and loads of gravy and plenty of beer to wash it down
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:33, Reply)

@TGB
*hugs* I hate feeling down for no reason :-/

osok: I also hate getting food quantities wrong...

everyone: I'd be grateful if someone could find me a site where I can listen to the new ac/dc single that isn't myspace or youtube!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:34, Reply)

Ed
(1) BSc with a strong fish bias
(2) Barely speaks da Eengleesh
(3) Ah.

Sorry.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:37, Reply)

@ No3l
Not too shabby mate, yourself?

It's another lovely day up here so I think a day of sitting out the back playing chess in the sun is in order. The cardboard cutout guy I was talking about yesterday made us a chessboard before he left so we sit and play that like old greek men..

@ Vipros no ideas I'm afraid. Have they announced any tour dates yet?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:38, Reply)

I would like to
1) create, copyright and trademark something like the babelfish

2) Time machine, but to be able to go to all the legendary events throughout history, and with the aid of 1) understand whats going on

3) Everyone to show a little bit more respect to each other and the world in general. World peace would stagnate our evolution.
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:38, Reply)

Morning osok, Edmund, Che
Just three wishes I'm afraid. Although I wonder if it would be easy or difficult to come up with, say, a hundred...

Edit: good choices Halfy :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:39, Reply)

3 Wishes
Easy choice -

1. Never ending supply of fantastic plots, characters, descriptions and all round fantastic creative ability which would fund my lifestyle properly.

2. A large house (with staff) in the country where I could play out my Marie Antoinette fantasies (ahem).

3. The ability to take care of all my family and friends so they could be just as happy as me.


I wonder if anyone will wish for world peace or an end to poverty or disease?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:41, Reply)

Vipros
Is it not on the ACDC website? For some reason my work has that blocked for "unsuitable" content.

And it doesn't look like it Chickenlady! I don't think perpetual world peace is attainable

Edit: Vipros it is playing on this site as well
www.acdcrocks.com/
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:44, Reply)

TGB
not that I can see. these days things just point to youtube

I've tried youtube proxies before, but they tend to be a bit gay.

Badger, I love you :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:46, Reply)

Hmmm! 3 wishes
1. I want to wake up one morning and realise what the fuck I want to do with the rest of my life.

2. I want my family to be happy and leave me to get on with trying to make myself happy.

3. I want all my B3ta friends to move to my town.


Good morning all : )
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:49, Reply)

Not too bad thanks no3l,
I've been jobsearching this past few months. Although my current palce of employment is staffed by universally lovely folk, a payrise hasn't been forthcoming for a while and I'm being expected to use my own car too much without adequate remuneration for it.

Have had a couple of interviews so we'll see what happens...

*edit* Goes off to feed chickenlady cake
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:50, Reply)

:)
It's borderline irony as well I spent 10 minutes looking for that but as I don't have any speakers can't actually listen to it myself! Is it good?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:50, Reply)

3 Wishes - redux
If I'm being slightly less selfish in my 3 wishes (hat-tip Ms CL) ...

1. No child in the world dying from preventable diseases and electrolyte replacement being available where malnutrition exists to ensure that even if there's hunger the level of minerals in the blood are maintained

2. That all weapons in the world would be beaten from swords into ploughshares and that the UN would be an organisation with teeth rather than relying on the generosity of its member states

3. That everyone could achieve personal fulfilment (whatever that means!).
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:50, Reply)

That new single is awesome
Morning BGB, how are you?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:51, Reply)

@bgb
lol! Thats awfully sweet!

How bout a b3ta tour? I'll go to your home town, you come to mine?
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:52, Reply)

it is good
but then, you know what you are getting from AC/DC :-)

I have to go see them when they tour
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:52, Reply)

Have you ever felt you've quite literally painted yourself into a corner?
I think I've managed to do it.

Arse.


And I'm not even painting at the moment.

Bugger.


this makes sense in my head
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:53, Reply)

I was wondering
if there'd be any altruistic wishers out there :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:57, Reply)

@ Vipros
They've announced they'll be touring to promote the new album but don't think any dates have been released yet. I've got their live from Donnington DVD which is just brilliant.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:57, Reply)

*exciteds*
although clearly I'll fail to see them.

there's only been one band recently that I've wanted to see as badly as AC/DC and that was Monster Magnet. they played one date, midweek, about 200 miles away from me, and no one else I knew wanted to go :-(
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 9:59, Reply)

Good luck for the jobhunt PJM
And yeah ACDC have stuck with a formula that works! I must have some headphones around somewhere.

My less selfish wish is that all the money spent on war went towards improving living conditions in third world countries. Which may also stop war as a happy byproduct. One of my wetfaced flouncy liberal friends once bored me with figures of how much stuff could be bought and how many people saved with the money from the iraq war and that was about 3 years ago. It was "lots" then so probably "lots more" now. The war did start on my 18th Birthday which I wasn't too impressed about :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:00, Reply)

I agree
Although not about wanting to see Monster Magnet...there's only a couple of bands that I'm desperate to see and AC/DC are one of them.

My mate did buy me tickets to go and see Journey a few months ago as he thought I liked them. I don't really and after 2 and half hours of men wearing elasticated stone washed jeans shoving their moobs in my face whilst singing Don't Stop Believing I like them even less.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:05, Reply)

19 albums all gone platinum is what I heard the other day
that's a pretty fucking good thing to have achieved.

man, I wish I had some AC/DC on my ipod, instead of huge amounts of Zeppelin, Tool and Deep Purple....

edit: dear god batman, that sounds painful. tight jeans are fine when they are young rockers, but why can't they get old gracefully, like Robert Plant, or Iron Maiden
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:05, Reply)

Stopping war would be good
but so would stopping uncontrolled population growth. Western countries have a stable population (albeit with the demographic problems that result) but much of the developing world is breeding very quickly.

We've got to be able to feed everyone, not to mention providing their other energy requirements.

A U-turn by the Catholic church on its stance on contraception would help.

Edit - on a different topic, I do have AC/DC's If You Want Blood on my iPod. Classic live album!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:08, Reply)

I'd have
1) A robot arm.

2) To be invincible.

3) Enough money to go to medical school and become a surgeon.

On that note, I'm off to Brighton.
Bye!
( Cawl, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:08, Reply)

clearly
100 more wishes.

then 100 more.

and finally another 100.

can never have too many wishes.

reminds me of that joke where a woman finds an old dirty lamp in an antique shop. thinking it would look nice on her patio, she buys it. when she gets it home, she breaks out the brasso and starts to rub it to a gleaming shine. but before she has gotten past a couple of swipes, there is a puff of green smoke and out pops a purple genie.

"you have one wish," he intones.

well, at first the woman thinks the cleaning fluids have gone up her nose, but in the end she accepts there is really a genie in front of her, offering her one wish.

"there is one thing i've always wanted," she says slowly, clasping her hands in front of her, eyes dreamy with bliss. "thin thighs."

the genie recoils in shock.

"thin thighs?" he repeats incredulously. "thin thighs? with all the war and poverty and misery in the world, you ask for THIN THIGHS? i'm going to give you another chance. you have one wish. what will it be?"

flustered, the woman looks around her for inspiration. then her eyes light up.

"i know," she exclaims. "thin thighs for everyone!!!!"

apologies for general lack of wit and humous...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:10, Reply)

can always count on Kaol
for good wishes

it depends on the robot arm technology if you ask me

it'd have to be able to feel and be controlled as well as a real arm, otherwise it's not use

plus you'd have to have reinforced shoulder and probably ribs as well, otherwise it's extra strength would rip you apart.

I suppose that might be where the invincibility might come in....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:11, Reply)

Oh I agree k2k6
Although you have to be careful with things like that and not do what China did which was to say you can have one child resulting in everyone wanting boys and loads of baby girls literally getting thrown away.

Probably shouldn't get me started on the catholic church...

Hi Rachelswipe and hi and bye Kaol!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:11, Reply)

Vipros
The band themselves have aged not too badly (apart from the bassist was wearing a leather waistcoat with nothing underneath...eurggh). They have just employed, if that's the right word, a young Vietnamese guy on lead vocals so they sound as fresh as they did in...well they never sounded fresh actually :)

It was more the fans that need to grow old gracefully. Far to many bandanas wrapped around bald, glistening, middle aged domes accompanied with the tight jeans. Horrific!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:13, Reply)

@Rswipe
*adopts Robin Williams voice*

Ixnay on the wishing for more wishes!

edit: Batman, that's not so bad, but when will people learn that you can enjoy and support a band without making yourself look like a moron.!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:13, Reply)

@ Vipros
That's made me want to change my wishes.

Seen the new Bionic Woman - the one that got cancelled after only 8 episodes?

I want to have the same physical abilities as her.

Then I could show Chris Sharma a thing or two!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:16, Reply)

I agree with K2k6
There are too many of us buggers :-(

I wish there were an easy way to feed the mouths that need feeding without putting other species in jeopardy because of our innate selfishness and greed.

Putting my socialist hat on (yes, I do have a social conscience despite my politics), then there is but one wish: A cheap, renewable and efficient source of energy.

With that, our excuses for waging war and causing havoc will be curtailed.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:16, Reply)

Taking it further
I sometimes wish I could have another go at life, but knowing what I know now, but I'm not sure I'd do any better the second time around. I've got a nasty suspicion that I'd be much more selfish second time around.

Just to open this up a bit: with all my faults and imperfections (no, really!), I wouldn't want to swap places with anyone. Has anyone else come to the realisation that the ego is so strong that you think you're better off as you than anyone else? It seems fairly clear with most people's wishes - enough money not to worry and a few goodies perhaps, that we're all pretty close to happiness.

Does this make any sense?
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:19, Reply)

I do often wonder how people would survive
if tomorrow all the electric and power ran out and we were effectively thrown back 100 years. I may need to start looking for a mangle...

Edit: Che I think the fact people want more money implies they see themselves as not being as happy or good as those with money so maybe we do all wish to be someone else but believe money will be able to buy us that lifestyle.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:19, Reply)

@TGB
Quite so, but currently a lot of families in third world countries have a whole bunch of children. Now of course high infant mortality means that fewer will survive to adulthood than in the developed world, but even so, the population is rising quickly.

As better healthcare and nutrition etc makes its way to those parts of the world, the problem will only get worse unless we can convince people that it's not actually a good idea to have 7 kids!

Edit - reply is to another post, not the one immediately above.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:20, Reply)

@pjm
but what about people who choose to use religion for that?

deep down, some people just like the power and evil of killing other people.

i would remove that desire.

apart from people who just STOP in front of you for no reason when walking down the street. they will always be fair game for anyone to pick off!!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:20, Reply)

@ Vipros
I wish I could agree but I went to see Bruce Springsteen a few months back and managed to get down to the front of the standing area. I was flailing about like an idiot when Dancing in the Dark came on. And I was wearing very tight jeans and cowboy boots!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:22, Reply)

@rswipe
The same goes for people driving Micras at 25mph, or towing caravans or especially bloody horseboxes.

Someone on Top Gear once suggested a tongue in cheek solution to the horsebox problem. Have two horses, and keep one at home, and one where you're going with the horsebox!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:23, Reply)

Che
that is a really interesting point. I did consider as I was writing my wishes whether there is much I would like to change.

is it because we are happy as we are, because we don't have one big regret, or because we can't think of anything that wouldn't change who you are?

it's hard to realistically think whether a single change would make you a happier person or not.

Personally I'm pretty content, yeah things are a bit mundane sometimes, but that's life. I've got a nice house, a good job, a wonderful and beautiful girlfriend, a fine surfboard and a really really nice gold Fender Strat.

Edit: @k2k6, horseboxes are worse than caravans in my opinion, there are just less of them.

if you have a horse and you want to get somewhere with it, then ride the fucking horse there.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:23, Reply)

But I *am* happy
More money would make my life easier but not any happier.

And if electricity and mains water were to go tomorrow I know I could cope - I have in the past.

In fact when I left the farm it took me about three months to adjust to central heating and double glazing - I was constantly overheating and had to drink gallons of water.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:26, Reply)

Morning rachelswipe, hibye Kaol
As the genie said, "Ixnay on the wishing for more wishes-ay" :)

Population control is a touchy subject but I agree with the sentiment. Why bring another mouth into the world if you can't put food into your own mouth?

Damn sex feeling good and everything.

Edit: Vipros is in my mind, stealin' my Aladdin references :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:27, Reply)

Allo!
Alright?

My wishes are thus, please:

1) A Ferrari Scuderia with a fuel tank that never runs out.
2) A nice house in the countryside.
3) Health, wealth and happiness.

Hurray! It's nearly the weekend!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:27, Reply)

Morning DiT
hope you are well

any news from the nether regions?

I've been rethinking my wishes.

better and more consistent surf in the south west and more time for me to go appreciate it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:29, Reply)

Right I should go do some work :(
See y'all later

Edit: Hi DiT nothing personal I am leaving right as you get here ;)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:29, Reply)

Morning DiT
How's the bollocks?

You need a Mr Fusion power source for that Ferrari. Although the engine note would be lost with an electric motor.

Edit - Bye TGB.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:33, Reply)

Oh dear God.
I have just found out that the mental temp will be working with me again.
For the whole of next week.

I don't think I can take a WHOLE FIVE DAYS of her ramblings.

Oh and morning lovely people :)
( wanderlust, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:33, Reply)

Hmmm
It's easy to blame religion. I'm not religious myself, but it's about intolerance and disrespect for others, not blind faith. I know devoutly religious folk who are tolerant of others, and some athiests who blame the muslims/jews for all that's wrong today.

As for what would happen if the mains stopped tomorrow, we'd be in deep shit. We're not aware of how many things in our lives rely on power, from agriculture to the delivery of fresh water.

Pah, I'll settle for Hover Cars.

*edit* The intellectually challenged temp is back? Happy days!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:35, Reply)

Ning Lusty!
Just send her out for a long wait...

Or for a package in Canda!

@V-man, K-dizzle: No news yet, m'afraid. :(

EDIT: But I don't wanna lose the engine note! This is part of my wish!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:36, Reply)

@ NO31
"Damn sex feeling good and everything."

try it with one or two of my exes, that'll cure you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:37, Reply)

'Tis depressing
But there are two pre-programmed solutions to overpopulation and limited resources: war and famine.

Maybe technology will one day open up a cornucopia of limitless energy, but it has by increasing human life expectancy increased pressure on finite resources, in a rather neat Catch 22.

Plus people are generally bastards who want everything that the people in the next country along have and more.

It would be nice if evrybody suddenly had a blinding flash of revelation and decided to live in harmony with themselves, their neighbours and the environment, but that's about as likely as Simon Cowell becoming an agony aunt.

30 days rations, plenty of candles and a minimum 500 rounds stashed, and tin-foil hat in place.


*edit - this getting gloomier by the second. Can we talk about tits or something. And as for AC/DC, I'm going to bang Dirty Deeds on as soon as I have confiscated a rubber puffer fish from Junior and cleaned the Graffiti off Peppa Pig. It's an interesting life I lead.....*
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:37, Reply)

@rswipe
Has it cured you?

:)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:38, Reply)

Three wishes
Right now,

1. A PC that didn't work intermittently at best.
2. One of those things Wallace and Gromit had that got you dressed and breakfast made automatically.
3. Miss Keloid here on blow job duties.

I don't ask for much.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:40, Reply)

@ PJM
Providing you live near a well (and you'd be surprised at how many of them still exist out in the sticks) then it is possible to cope without power.

It's less common now, but go back just five years and out here we used to lose mains water every summer for a day or two each month!

And in the winter if there's any snow it tends to drift across the fields and cut us off if we have more than half an inch of the white stuff. The electricity was always dodgy up until a couple of years ago too.


And to think I live only just over an hour outside of London!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:40, Reply)

Heheh
Thanks for the suggestion ms swipe... although I prefer my sexual partners to have more vagina :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:44, Reply)

3 wishes
1) Enough money to be comfortable and indulge a few of my hobbies
2) A collection of classic cars and a workshop to maintain them
3) A FULLY ARMED AND OPERATIONAL underground command bunker with perimeter defences proof against nuclear armageddon and zombie invasions. Several secret escape tunnels are mandatory.
( Kroney, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:44, Reply)

The temp used one of my note books.
Some of the things she has written include:

Light - Invade my mind with money.

Time to feel like you have a goal, I hope they keep me on. I still on pound.

Boots - Eyedrops and get my hair did.

I think she may be some kind of evil genius.
( wanderlust, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:46, Reply)

^I think that's a given...
But let's go for the litmus test... Did she live in a Volcano? Did she have a scar?





_{Was she stroking her pussy?}
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:48, Reply)

@ Miss Lust
Perhaps she is,

The second one was almost a haiku if she's spread it over three lines.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:49, Reply)

@chickenlady
Yes, you could survive OK, because you were less reliant on electricity and water, and had alternative strategies in place.

But imagine if the electricity went off in London for say a week. It would be chaos. I'd put money on there being riots and looting, not to mention a complete collapse of commerce for the period.

Bloody hell, if London gets half an inch of snow it grinds to a halt, which makes national news. The consequences of an electricity blackout would be a lot worse.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:50, Reply)

Wanderlust's temp
Did she turn up to work in a Zeppelin?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:50, Reply)

Morning
1) To write a book or do some other thing that makes me rich enough to be able to not work again unless I want to. This will also mean I could afford to move back to the country and have babies.
2) For Mr Bin, myself and the babies to have good health.
3) For society to work. There to be no violence on the streets, no stealing or muggings. No drug addictions.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:55, Reply)

@No31
hey, don't knock it til you've tried it!


no, only kidding. some things should never ever be tried.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:55, Reply)

No zeppelin
No volcano dwelling as far as I know, no visible scars and she hasn't stroked her pussy infront of me.
I'm onto her though...
( wanderlust, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:56, Reply)

^^ Incest and Morris Dancing.
Those should never be attempted under any circumstances.

@Wanderlust - I'm looking forward to hearing more temp stories. Keep 'em coming.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:56, Reply)

Al
You really wouldn't want to do that in London. Read a book called Necropolis for confirmation, but a hefty proportion of London is built over it's former residents. Same for most old poulation centres where burial was used rather tha cremation.

Having said that, the folks-in-law's neighbours house is built over an old Anthrax pit.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:57, Reply)

@ All you lot in London
Yep.


I'll be here in the sticks stroking my pussy along with Wanderlust's mad temp.


;)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:57, Reply)

@PJM
Must be the hangover, but I read that as Incest WHILE Morris Dancing
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 10:59, Reply)

*is content that when the power goes out
there is freshwater aplenty to be had in Devon*

*smugs*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:02, Reply)

Okay! I'm pissed off.
A car that I'm getting from my dad went in for it's MOT last week and can I find the MOT certificate, can I fuck. I can find the receipt, the description of work carried out but not the MOT.

Can you get copies from the garage?
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:03, Reply)

BGB
Don't panic... When you tax a car online the DVLA has the certificate number held on a database.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:04, Reply)

Just a quick question...
But how do people approach incest?
Do they leave a note on the fridge or something?

Don't worry! It's nothing I would ever do *heaves* but you know it does happen so I was just wondering how.
( wanderlust, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:04, Reply)

@BGB
It doesn't matter nowadays. It's all electronic, and the record of the MoT will be on a national database. So when you have it done, it will be dated from the expiry date of the previous one, assuming it's still in force.

If the MoT's run out it doesn't matter anyway.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:05, Reply)

@PJM
Do you mean the MOT test cert number. I usually tax at the post office though.

@K2K6 - Ah I see now....thanks everyone.
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:07, Reply)

BGB
Yes. If you buy your tax online you'll find that your insurance certificate number is recorded too.

*edit* I'm amused by Wanderlust's idea. Can you imagine the note on the fridge:

Get milk, butter, eggs.... Sleep with sister, move to Suffolk.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:08, Reply)

@k2k6
expired MOT = invalid insurance I believe

that kind of matters ;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:13, Reply)

It's still bloody annoying losing the damn thing.
Ggggrrrrr!
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:14, Reply)

fuckit
im changing my selections

may I please have

1) A fully armed and operational Culture special circumstances combat drone slaved to me.

2) A full set of nice Envoy suits and weapons

3) A list of all the people who have pushed my buttons over the years.

Rewengee!! mwaahahahahaa

Sigh.

Wander, sounds like your temp has been reading the secret.

edit: hehehe on the incest, well you know how it is, a few bottles of wine, giggling on the sofa together, more alcohol, cuddling up closer, taking the bottle to bed together, its just the morning after feeling when you roll over and see who you slept with.
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:14, Reply)

Halfy
if you are wishing for that you may as well wish to live in the Culture

sounds fucking awesome to me
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:15, Reply)

@Vipros
Sorry, I meant that if the current MoT's expired then it wouldn't matter whether you had the old certificate to prove the expiry date, and hence have the new one post-dated. But nowadays it makes no odds whether you have the certificate or not, because it's all computerised.

Actually having a current MoT does matter of course if you want to drive the car legally.

*makes note to buy new brake discs today as MoT is due next month*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:18, Reply)

The Envoy suits
are from the Kovacs books, the Culture would be cool, but i like it here, and the ability to have a frank exchange of views with a medium sized nation and still come out winning would be quite neat
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:19, Reply)

ah I see
rereading your post I missed an apostrophe the first time that kind of changed the meaning a bit :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:20, Reply)

Herr Vipros
Is correct. Plus if you get a pull from the Traffic Stasi you can be required to produce your documents within 72 hours: although the wunnerful DVLA 'pooter system should be accurate please bear in mind that it is a HM Govt database, supplied by the lowest bidder, and maintained by Welsh Civil Serpents.

Get the original or a copy.


*notes am not biased against DVLA, but 10+ years in the motor trade scar you a bit*
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:20, Reply)

I've calmed down now and getting a copy.
All is well with the world again.

*breathe*
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:28, Reply)

^Ommmmmm!
*meditates*

Anybody know where I can get good but reasonably priced luggage from?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:33, Reply)

DiT
TK Maxx

alternatively, steal it from the airport/bus station
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:33, Reply)

Top Tip in the wrong place
DO NOT EVER attempt to write a story which is increasingly creepy while in a house with ten year olds.

One will burst into the room and make you scream and almost cry as they laugh like a loon and you briefly lose the ability to tell the difference between reality and the strange stuff in your head.


:(
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:34, Reply)

Ta!
For TK-Maxx, I mean, not the theft advice!

*giggles at poultry madame*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:36, Reply)

I'll be so pleased when they go back to school on Tuesday
I'll be able to work in peace without interruption.


/grumpyparentblog
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:39, Reply)

bah
I can't believe I only just remembered to check the surf forecast....

what is wrong with me?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:41, Reply)

i'm mad now!
Just had the most stupid argument ever with a guy at work.
In dublin there is a north/south divide. South is generally viewed as posher, more upmarket, but in recent years, it seems that Landlords just charge astrinominal rent, knowing people will pay for the postcode, and the quality of flats and houses has gone down somewhat.


My Dad is a southsider historically, but I live out in the northside, which has a more... working class background. I have a beautiful house, in a nice we estate, and I've never felt unsafe and for the same amount of rent on the other side of the city i'd live in a cupboard.

The guys argument is that the southside is just better, adding to this the fact that were equidistant from the actual city centre, I just don't understand what his problem with the northside is! Its really annoyed me, and I can'tquite put my finger on why!

-Sorry just needed a wee rant to vent so I don't shout at him later :)
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:41, Reply)

Kirst
You *really* are mad!


;)

EDIT - ah, you've calmed down a bit now I see...
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:44, Reply)

damn kirst
you must be mad! :-)

I figure that as long as the immediate locale of your place is nice then that is what matters

Exeter has a nice and a not so nice side, I live in part of the nice bit, but just outside the nice bit is a really shitty bit

makes no difference really, it's all about how nice your place is, and whether it's in a good place for what you want to do, not some pretentious bollocks.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:45, Reply)

Whoops
lol, the three posts is just my spazzy computer i'm afraid :)

I know that, but the guy at work makes me want to beat that knowledge into him!
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:50, Reply)

most people are just stupid
there's no getting away from that!


unrelated question: I can't get html tags to work in the subject line, why is that?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:53, Reply)

Kinda makes me happy I live in a small town
The only divide here is the river running through it, and that's just physical.

And we only a small chav population. Some of them are actually quite nice :)

Edit: Vipros, I noticed that the other day too. Mouseovers don't work in body text either, so horse-loving is much easier to detect these days :( / :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:54, Reply)

Gosh!
Some people really are gits, aren't they?

Happens everywhere though. I live in East London, many people turn their noses up at that because it's the East End and therefore 'a bit rough'.

Touch wood, never any trouble (for me) at all.

Then again, I grew up in Essex and I get a lot of stick for that too.

Bloody snobs.

EDIT: I don't think they work in there, Vipros. Dunno why, but I've never been able to do it...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:57, Reply)

quick everyone!
vote for my new story!

http://www.b3ta.com/questions/gullible/post229813
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 11:59, Reply)

^
Youcuntyoucuntyoucuntyoucunt.

EDIT: I didn't even think about it, I just clicked. DAMN YOUS!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:02, Reply)

Ahaha bastard!
No status bar in Opera Mini! Or did the Mouseover work?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:04, Reply)

sorry dude, it's an addiction
I should get help

seriously though, vote for my story :-)

http://www.b3ta.com/questions/gullible/post229813

I did toy with the idea of ilovehorses again, but thought no one would fall for it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:04, Reply)

Nope
The mouseover reveals it to be what it is.

Gah!

EDIT: I probably would've, stupid git that I am...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:04, Reply)

You poor trusting fools...
You ought to know by now what he's like!

(Afternoon all by the way, I'm mostly lurking at the moment, for no good reason other than I don't feel that conversational...)
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:13, Reply)

yeah, but linking to that
will make you a goddamn sexual tyrannosaur
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:13, Reply)

Hello...Me again.
I just had a wee and it was orange!
Fucking orange!!!

What the fuck is that about?!
( wanderlust, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:18, Reply)

@weekirst
Either you've been eating too many carrots or you haven't been drinking enough water.

Or you have a mysterious case of orangeweeitis.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:20, Reply)

I have 2 thoughts on this:
1) Have you been drinking Berocca? (or whatever it's called, that weird orange fizzy drink thing)

2) Do you live near Chernobyl?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:21, Reply)

Wanderlust
Most likely dehydration... have you been getting enough... fluid?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:23, Reply)

I did drink this weird juice
from the polish newsagents this morning.

It had dancing oranges on it.

Dam those dancing fruits making my wee a funny colour!
( wanderlust, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:25, Reply)

*looks at Al*
you're a little strange....

anyone reckon this is any good

http://www.ebuyer.com/product/134144/show_product_overview

not horses I promise!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:26, Reply)

I'm back!
What's this talk of orange wee!?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:28, Reply)

@ Grammy
Wanderlust has a fetish for umpalumpas it seems.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:33, Reply)

@Vipros
It's a Samsung LCD panel, so it'll be the business as far as LCDs go. However, it's not 1080HD ready, as the blurb suggests, as it's only got a 1366x768 resolution.

But of course, that means standard HD (rather than full HD) will actually look better because it's not having to upscale using non-integer multiples.

Personally I'd stick with a CRT. Or plasma if you must.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:33, Reply)

Umpa Lumpas? Interesting...
The old style ones were loads better than the new version. And they had better songs.

I still have a TV that goes back about 3 foot it also weights around 4 stone.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:36, Reply)

@ethelred
I told you that in private! Stop telling my secrets :p
( wanderlust, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:37, Reply)

to be honest
I don't care about HD or any of that crap

I just want a sleek black tv that takes up less space

I have a Samsung CRT at the moment, one of the flat screen, but not flat-screen ones and the picture is better than any LCD or plasma screen I've ever seen.

it's only 21 inch though, and is a bit small for my living room
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:39, Reply)

@ grammy
My dad had a 36 inch super wide (ooh err) CRT, it was a four man lift!

@ wanderbum

Shush you.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:40, Reply)

@Vipros
Move your chair closer to the telly.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:43, Reply)

not too helpful
my sofa is enormous and has to be where it is or you couldn't get in the room
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:44, Reply)

Mines only 28"
Think my vision is getting worse though as I am having to squint to read the TV guide again :(

I'm quite surprised the "last" brigade aren't about in the QOTW yet
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:46, Reply)

@ethel
Don't you tell me to shush mister. I might have to come and ummmm well I haven't thought of anything yet, but i'll come and do something alright.
*plots and schemes*
( wanderlust, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:47, Reply)

@TGB
Sssh!

They might forget it's Thursday!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:49, Reply)

haha I haven't read any of this weeks QOTW
Was it good? I'm trawling through some older topics at the moment. I am massively bored at work I should have taken the rest of the week off
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:52, Reply)

there have been some good posts
on this one

a few things I've tried on people and found that they worked nicely
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:53, Reply)

As usual, with these 'unpopular' QOTWs
There has been some absolute gold that has made it worthwhile!

I wonder what the next one will be? Place your bets! Place your bets!

*runs book*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:55, Reply)

I'll have a read later
I am quite cynical about things but would probably believe half the stuff there as I am sweet and trusting *tries to look angelic*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:56, Reply)

FUCK
FUCK FUCK and CUNT

Mr Bin just got paid. Due to his work being a bunch of FUCKING CUNTS they have paid him £772.

That's it. That's for the two of us to live on for the next fucking month.

COCK AND CUNT.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 12:58, Reply)

Whoa!
Shit!

*hugs*

All the advice I can think of is rubbish. But if you have a freezer perhaps a family member might be able to help you out, at least as far as food goes?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:01, Reply)

*slightly scared*
That's rubbish, I take it that it is a mistake on behalf of Payroll? Can you not get them to credit you before next payday?

failing that if you get the rest of it next month you can afford caviar then

hugs!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:02, Reply)

To answer the initial post
1) a plane ticket to England
2) a week to spend there
3) enough money to do it properly.

I may get 1 and 2, but 3 looks to be unlikely.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:04, Reply)

Nope we are proper fucked
I'm out of work. He's just left his job to start a new one on Monday.
Payroll haven't fucked up, I've checked the figures.
I guess it's just going to be a case of going into my overdraft which I spent 3 years getting out of.
I've managed to put the mortgage on hold which is one blessing.

The thing is as soon as I get a job sorted I'll be on £5,000 more than I have ever earned and we'll be laughing. It's just a case of holding on to then.
COCK.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:13, Reply)

Well at least there is a light at the end of the tunnel
and all that crap.

Asda smart price baked beans are only 9p! yum yum yum!

I'm totally fucked financially having to sell one of my Marinas :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:17, Reply)

I know the feeling altogether too well.
I work as a contract employee here. Unfortunately, the way payroll is set up is that they pay once a month- and for contractors, they pay for the previous month. That meant that I went for a month and a half with no pay, after being laid off for a time.

My home equity line of credit is nearly tapped out now.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:17, Reply)

ouch
I feel for you guys

I'm in the lucky position of bringing in a pretty decent wage, and my girlfriend bringing in slightly more.

our industry is pretty good in terms of job security too

you have my sympathy though

I can recommend an awesome cheap dinner (if you like corned beef, beans and pastry)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:24, Reply)

Is that an offer you are going to cook for us Vipros? :p
I'll be round bout 730...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:25, Reply)

And we've got about £750
in savings but I'd rather not use that.
I guess I'm going to have to and then pay it back in once I start working.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:27, Reply)

Big hugs to the cash strapped B3tans.
for the first time in my life I'm at a good point financially.

Let's hope it lasts.
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:30, Reply)

if you want to come visit me I'll happily cook
I love to cook, and I'm not too bad at it

the recipe is like a pasty, but massive

basically, get some puff pastry, roll it out

mash together a tin of corned beef and a tin of beans

spread that on the flat pastry

roll pastry up and slash top to make pretty

cook until golden brown

devour
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:34, Reply)

It does sound yummy
and my food budget for September is around 20 squid. So cheap and cheerful recipes appreciated! (Luckily my parents are divorced as well so I can get at least two free meals a week by visiting them! Score!)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:37, Reply)

sounds good Al
the corned beef + beans thing really works well though :-)

and it is cheap as hell

ready made puff pastry is pretty useful stuff. I've made a huge mozzarella and bologneise pasty using it before

also, try a rectangle of puff pastry, spread with green pesto, sprinkle with sun dried tomatos, pine nuts and mozzarella then make a kind of lattice of pastry over the top and bake

that's awesome too
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:41, Reply)

Afternoon All
Hope this pc holds out but not holding my breath.

I bring in a decent wage but it just vanishes, as far as I'm aware I don't piss the majority of it up a wall.
My girlriend brings in double what I earn, and she's 21. I'm in the wrong profession, clearly.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:45, Reply)

Are we posting recipes now?
Spaghetti sauce:

Chop up a bunch of fresh tomatoes, or get a couple of large cans of diced tomatoes. Dump 'em in a pot.

Pour in a can of tomato sauce (if you don't happen to have all day to let it brew), or just leave it on low heat for a few hours (if you do have the time).

Chop up one medium sized onion into little bits and dump that in.

Do the same to a green bell pepper.

Add a couple of tablespoons each of basil and oregano. If you like some spice, add about a teaspoon of red pepper.

Mash up a clove or two of garlic and throw that in as well.

Add about a tablespoon of salt and about three or four tablespoons of sugar.

Stir it and let it boil for a bit, then turn it down.

Add in one can of tomato paste (to thicken it a bit).

Let it simmer as long as you can- I've let it go for six hours on low heat, and gotten fantastic results.

One pot of that will give you enough spaghetti sauce for at least four meals.

Want my lasagna recipe?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:45, Reply)

@TRL
Yeah, lasagne. I'm a flagrant cheat and use the ready bottles Dolmio stuff so I'm all ears how to do it properly.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:48, Reply)

detailed trawl though
my bank statements lead me to think that I might get paid tomorrow, but I'm not sure and there is no one I can ask.
That would be fucking ace if I do.
Sounds good vipros but I'm vegi.

cheap dinner?
Chop some onions fry up in a saucepan. Chop up some vegi or meat sausages and chuck in. Fry until they are brown
Add whatever vegis you've got knocking about. Add some creamed tomatoes (24p a carton and will keep for ages in the fridge, will make about three dinners).
Add and oxo cube or even better some gravy granules. (regular meat flavoured Bisto is vegi!).
Add a tin of beans (or if you've got stacks of money mixed beans).
Let is cook for a bit.
Job's a good'un. Serve with some bread.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:48, Reply)

Delia Smith
Did a book years ago (may have been reprinted) called Frugal Food. Well worth a shufti (the soss & lentils is very yummy).

One advantage of the supermarket is the value ranges as well - I always buy the pikey chopped toms anyway as they have less salt than the posh ones and I'm cooking for kids: between pulses, value tinnies and spuds you can live quite cheaply. Just cut down on the meat, except when it's drastically reduced at the end of the day and then lob it in the freezer...

Just never, ever run out of wine - a glass of Post Office makes a meal slither down much better, even if it is value beans on toast.

*notes, we are going to have to the B3ta (or QOTW) cookbook, I mean this is getting silly.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:51, Reply)

@osok
Thats a superb Idea! :) I would love that!

*edit* I have a book from the late 60's early 80's called the poor cook. It tells you how to skin your own rabbits and prepare brains n stuff. I don't think i've ever made a recipie from it, but it's my facourite cook book in the world!
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:53, Reply)

Years ago when I was at Poly.
We used to buy tins of soup and add rice or pasta to bulk it out.

Very filling and cheap.

I'm trying to remember all my cheap meals for my sister to use at Uni. Mind you, she's crap at cooking and I don't think she'll be as cash strapped as I was.

*spoilt daughter alert*
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:55, Reply)

As a cash strapped student
I used to live on some pretty cheap stuff. Making your own soup is good. Liver is also tasty*, cheap and nutritious.

*if you like it, which I do, but I know many people don't.

Buy bread at the end of the day, when it's marked down, then freeze it and defrost only what you need for that day. Keeps for ages.

We had a Malaysian student here once who could feed herself on £5 of rice a month, plus whatever meagre rations she chose to accompany it.

Mind you, she was built like a racing snake.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 13:59, Reply)

Liver!
My dear sainted mother used to call this 'Wombat Steak' when I was a tiddler as it was the only way I'd accept it.

Bloody hell, on topic as well.

I'm quite tempted to try it again (or try 'wombat steak' on my kids. Tradition and all that)
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:03, Reply)

"built like a racing snake" FTW
cheap meat

I recommend belly pork as it is delicious. slow cook that sucker with some root veg and you have a meal fit for a king.

tins of tuna and corned beef are excellent for meating something up a bit.

best recipe I've found recently:

take two slices of bread, make a sandwich of thinly sliced apple, sultanas and honey, put in sandwich toaster until cooked

devour
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:05, Reply)

At Uni
A flatmate and I got so poor we started living on 9p Noodle Sandwiches.

Do. Not. Recommend.

Otherwise, I always find that a cheap, filling meal can be nothing but some risotto, chicken (or in your case Veggie) stock, and some mushrooms. Yum!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:05, Reply)

You can cut back on the salt
I was giving it for a batch of about a gallon of sauce. But if you cut back the salt, also cut back the sugar- keep it about 3:1 or so, sugar to salt. The sugar is crucial.

Lasagna: simplest thing in the world.

Fry up a pound of hot Italian sausage and drain it well. Get plenty of mozzarella, some parmesan and a cup of ricotta.

In a 9x13 baking pan, pour a little sauce in the bottom- enough to cover it. Put down a layer of uncooked lasagna noodles- typically three across, with a partial across the end of the pan.

Open your ricotta and use a spoon to put dollops of it around the pan, more or less evenly.

Spread half of the sausage over the pan.

Pour more sauce over this layer. (I generally use a little over a quart of sauce overall for this recipe.)

Spread a thick layer of mozzarella over it.

Put down another layer of noodles, then repeat what you did before.

Put another layer on top of that, pour the remainder of the sauce over it, then sprinkle parmesan over it. Top it with some mozzarella. By now it should be about level with the top of your pan.

Cover it in foil, then bake it at 350F for 40 minutes. Take off the foil and bake it for another 10 minutes, or until the cheese starts to brown.

Let it sit for 20 minutes before you try to cut into it.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:06, Reply)

Might give that a try Loon
I've always made lasagne with minced beef. You confused me with the pan size - I was educated in metric and thought "That'll be a helluva wee lasagne" until I worked out you meant 9x13 inches......... oops. Bit of a blonde moment there!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:10, Reply)

For anyone who finds themselves a bit cash-strapped
I'd alwasy recommend going and having a look at the moneysavingexpert .com site.

There are definitely a lot of good ideas on there, and if nothing else, reading the forums on there will make you feel better - the stories of people dragging themselves of of tens of thousands of credit card debt and so on...

You might even find some ideas on making some extra money on the "Up your Income" board. (F'rexample - like talking dirty? Be a phone sex operator!).

I'm not recommending my usual matched betting moneymaking idea here, as it's not really ideal if money's really tight to start off with (since you need a little bit of a float to get you started), but details are in my profile for anyone who's interested or needs to make a few extra quid.
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:11, Reply)

Yes, hot Italian sausage.
As opposed to mild or sweet.

Am I missing something over here? Is it called something else there? Or are you just having bad pr0n film thoughts?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:11, Reply)

I may go on a risotto spree
I make most stuff from scratch so I am going to be using all the yummy recipes! (not the 9p noodles I have already tried that when I was a student!)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:12, Reply)

WeeWitch
I like using the word wee to describe something small but I'm not a Scot.
Does it sound stupid coming from Southener?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:13, Reply)

Yes, we still use the Imperial system over here.
I can convert it all to metric if that's easier- I never know what system you lot are more familiar with, as you still give body weight in stones and drive miles. It's a mite confusing for us septics...

(BTW, where did the term "septic" originate? The only use for that term over here has to do with plumbing.)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:14, Reply)

Loon
we'd probably call it spicy rather than hot here in Scotland, but I rather suspect al is being ... well .... mucky. Based on the phallic shape of sausage.

Honestly, I don't think he matured beyond "silly little boy" stage!

EDIT: septic - septic tank = yank. Rhyming slang

Mrs bin - not at all. Help yourself, lovey. Just so long as you stay away from that "hoots mon" crap.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:15, Reply)

Tis Rhyming Slang Loon
Septic tanks = Yanks.

weewitch got there first.

Loon - I love the eccentricities of the weights and measures we use.
We buy petrol in litres yet we buy cars that do x number of miles to the gallon.
We buy milk in pints but butter in grammes.
I know my height in feet and inches but ask me to measure something and I'll do it in metres.

But the best one is this: If it's cold we say 'Blimey it must be -2'
If it's hot 'gosh it must be up in the 80s'
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:16, Reply)

Tis a form of cockney rhyming slang
Septic Tank - Yank

As in "take a butchers" Butchers Hook - Look

Hours of entertainment. I flit between metric and imperial :)

Edit: My work internet is so sloooooooow
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:17, Reply)

Belly pork is good
Vipros is right. Much cheaper than beef and just as tasty when slow cooked.

You can make a pork and bean casserole by firstly chopping an onion and lightly browning it in a pan with a little oil. Then chuck in your pork, which you've cut into little bits. Brown it, then add a splash of water. Add herbs (I like sage) to taste. Stew slowly for a bit to cook the pork. Meanwhile, boil some spuds.

Now open a can of baked beans, and bung them into the pork. Stir well and bring back just to the boil.

Pour this concoction into a dish, and top it off with potatoes, which you've now mashed, and added pepper to. Stick in the oven for a few minutes to brown the top, then consume.

Alternatively, keep it (in the fridge or frozen) in the pie dish and heat when you need it.

Yum. It does make you fart like an old horse for the next day though.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:17, Reply)

I am really hungry now
*rummages in desk*

Half a packet of extra strong mints and some cup a soups..
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:21, Reply)

*lands gracefully into thread*
hello all!

have just skim-read all your posts. hello.

*snogs*

@k2k6 - I read "belly pork" and thought you were being rude again.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:25, Reply)

*tacklehugs*
*wrestles*

You ok, bubble?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:26, Reply)

No worries, al.
I just didn't know if it was one of those mis-translation things that seem to plague me here. You wouldn't believe how odd some of the stuff in here sounds to us Americans...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:27, Reply)

*hugs al*
sorry, honey. We like you that way, honest! This place wouldn't be the same without our al lowering the tone.

Aaaw, c'mere

*hugs again*

Is that a Mars bar in your pocket?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:27, Reply)

Pfft, HLT
I never thought that 'belly pork' could be rude. But now I'm seeing the possibilities...

Good afternoon, by the way.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:28, Reply)

Yeah it's always the small things that get you
At uni I lived next to a Canadian who was confused as to why our pool tables used red and yellow as opposed to stripes and solids.

Hey HLT *waves*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:29, Reply)

Sorry, I didn't mean to lower the tone
We've got al for that.

hello devil, was that me you were referring to just now?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:30, Reply)

bloody work distracting me from b3ta!
re: using meat in lasagne rather than mince

I've been experimenting with using cheap steak in mine instead of beef mince, makes a really nice lasagne and is much less fatty

I'd have laughed at hot italian sausage too....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:31, Reply)

Just found a recipe
For neck of lamb chop and black pudding hotpot.

Hotpot.

*Drooooools*

And I'll third the belly pork. Most yummy if cooked slowly, which goes for all the 'cheap' cuts. Cook anything in the oven on a low heat with yummy gravy until the meat is uber-tender and I don't care if it's neck-end, scrag-end or Jeffrey Dahmer's mystery meat.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:33, Reply)

Turkey mince
makes a great lasagna.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:33, Reply)

phwoar, lasagne
bacon and marmite make tasty additions.

edit @ al - eeewwww! I didn't have anything like that in mind at all!

I think "tummy banana" is a much funnier name for, erm, man bits.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:35, Reply)

Where I used to live
I got really cheap cuts of horse. T'was good I recommend it.

Edit: Cheap because it was hard to sell not because it was a bad cut
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:35, Reply)

HLT
Certainly was!

@TGB: Horse? What's it like? They're EVIL creatures, so I might be in two minds about eating them...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:38, Reply)

Heylo
Yeah I've tried horse a few times when I've been abroad. It's surprisingly tasty after you get past the initial shock of eating a horse.

Saying that I think Gordon Ramsay had a thing on on one of his many shows about eating horse meat and how good it was.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:39, Reply)

Horse meat is great
It's the best of all the animals...

(Seriously though, I've no idea. Never eaten it)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:39, Reply)

I'd eat horse
if I could get it

@Loon, can you answer me something. I've heard of stuff in American called chicken-fried steak and things like that. what is the deal with that?

sounds revolting!

euphemism for male genitalia - Meat spigot FTW
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:40, Reply)

Horse. Yums!
Every time I go to Johnny-Crapaud land, it's the first thing on the barbie. Tell people back here that, and they look at you like you just shat in their kettle while simultaneously bumraping a kitten.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:41, Reply)

American foods
The one that really got me was Buffalo Wings.

Flying buffalo? Surely not. Anyway, they're actually bison you have there.

It was only last year I found out what they were.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:41, Reply)

horses
I'm surprised no-one's done the link yet. I'd do it, but I'm not very bright.

They make lovely glue as well.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:42, Reply)

Oh it's yummy
Slightly gamey taste but not as much as say venison (which I also love!). Tastes great in a stew and thinking about it would probably make a yummy lasagne.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:43, Reply)

For good meat
Try panda. Or dolphin. Mmmm, porpoisey.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:44, Reply)

@K2k6
last year in Colorado (I think) my friend very nearly ate the Rocky Mountain Oysters before a kind truck driver told her what they are!

Barf!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:44, Reply)

Aaaah, thank god
I haven't put al off smutty remarks!

Glad to see you back on form (and kittums)
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:46, Reply)

Talking of Gordon Ramsey
My friend had some squirrel following on from one episode of the F word. There's not a lot of meat on a squirrel - I think we ate about 10 between us.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:46, Reply)

Umm...
What are these Oyster you speak off?
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:46, Reply)

Chicken friend steak
is beef that has been coated in batter and deep fried. Personally I find the very concept to be utterly revolting, and have only eaten it once.

Buffalo wings are so named because they originated in Buffalo NY in the 1970s.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:48, Reply)

Al
Freedom of Expression.

*Edit - TGB squiggles are indeed most edible, treat like rabbit.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:48, Reply)

Rocky Mountain Oysters
If they called them Buffalo Bollocks you could have them as a side with your Buffalo Wings!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:48, Reply)

Deep fried steak!?
ukkk the only way to eat it is rare to medium rare
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:50, Reply)

hmmm, might have to see if I can find some horse
sounds good

my brother came back from canada raving about buying buckets of chicken wings by the pound...

he's a simple fellow with simple tastes.

I wonder what's for dinner tonight

thursday is usually chilli night, but I didn't get any out of the freezer

Chicken-fried steak is about as disgusting as it sounds then. why would you do that to a steak?

there's a restaurant here called Starz that does the best ribs I've ever had, and great cocktails too.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:51, Reply)

Deep fried steak?
I'm surprised I haven't seen that in a chippy up here yet. I had a deep fried cream egg a while ago. Never ever try it.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:52, Reply)

@ devil re his earlier post
ooh, yay!

*is tackled*

*falls to floor*

*wrestles*

*smooshes*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:54, Reply)

The taboos of eating horse make it a little tricky to come by
But if you have any proper butchers near you they should be able to give you an idea of where you can get some. If they look at you in disgust they are not proper butchers.

Proper butchers will also offer you free cuts of random meat to see what you are willing to eat!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:55, Reply)

For those of us who put strange things in their mouths
(obvious feedline for Al)

Two books: 'Larousse Gastronomique' by somebody French and 'Extreme Cuisine' by Jerry Hopkins (who doesn't like Marmite, the heathen)
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 14:56, Reply)

Obviously a man of great taste...
For Marmite is Satan's Own Bum-Paste.

100% of FACT.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:02, Reply)

^ what Devil said
although it helps bolognese sauce a lot if you run out of stock cubes.

marmalade, on the other hand...
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:04, Reply)

@DIT blasphemer
Tosh! Marmite is totally amazing you heathen!

Ha ha ha!

Perhaps your just not used to the taste... Here! *Proffers marmite on toast*
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:05, Reply)

I have a 1920s book of Home Management
It tells you things like, the duties of a morning girl (insert smutty joke here) and correct etiquette. It also has some recipes that make your toes curl.
For example: Calf's Feet Fritters
Ingredients.- Calf's feet, egg, breadcrumbs, frying fat.
Method.- Stew as many calf's feet as you require until they are tender, then cut them open and take out the bones. Put the meat on a plate and leave until it is cold. Cut it into neatly shaped pieces, dip into beaten egg and breadcrumbs, and fry in plenty of boiling fat until a good brown. Drain and arrange on a very hot dish, and serve with tomato sauce.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:05, Reply)

Marmite is in fact nectar from God's own teat
and I won't hear a word said against it

it doesn't go well with a steak though.

chicken on the other hand....mmmmm

grill chicken breast till mostly cooked
smear with marmite
cook further
DO NOT OVERCOOK MARMITE!
Devour


also, leftover short pastry should be rolled flat, spread with marmite, rolled into a swiss roll type thing, chopped into slices and baked.
again DO NOT OVERCOOK MARMITE!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:06, Reply)

This could have been a beautiful friendship
Real men eat Marmite.

And Real women.

And Real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.

You'll be telling me you don't like Worcester Sauce, next.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:07, Reply)

Marmite?
No. Just no. *bokes*

Calf's feet fritters? Actually, I'd rather have the Marmite - and that's saying something.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:07, Reply)

no no no
Marmite is WRONGNESS and you know it.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:08, Reply)

Thanks, weekirst!
*tries to eat*

*can't*

*does a little very large sick*

I do quite like Bovril though.

My gran, however, absolutely adores this stuff.

Yummers!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:08, Reply)

DiT
how could you? I clicked that link.

*bokes*

Good grief. Why?
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:10, Reply)

Marmite?
Can't help hearing "yeast" without thinking "infection"

* tries not to think about bread *
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:10, Reply)

@ Devil
noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:11, Reply)

Civil War on QOTW!
As the followers of the true Marmite declare themselves and the unbelievers scurry from their path lest they be basted in Marmite and sacrificed.

I've even got some of the limited edition Guinness Marmite left....
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:11, Reply)

Marmite is WRONG
as are
teh beanz
twiglets (arrrrrgh witches fingers)
celery
pilchards
marzipan
( wanderlust, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:11, Reply)

Brawn = bleurgh
if we are talking stuff we absolutely love, you've got to try this:

http://en.wikipedia.com/wiki/Natto

I didn't really rate Guiness Marmite all that much. prefer the original stuff
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:12, Reply)

Marmite is disgusting
But I would at least try the calf feet fritters.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:14, Reply)

YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKEAD!
Twice in one day! *bows down*

(EDIT: Not you, GB, I was talking to Vipros then...)

Sorry about the Brawn link, folks. I went out with a girl who actually threw up when I got some from the butchers to take to gran.

I am a good grandson.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:15, Reply)

War on Marmite!
Death to Marmite!

*petrol bombs Marmite factory*


I agree with wanderlust except for teh beanz. I like beanz. Everthing else - yep, ban the lot. Especially celery.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:15, Reply)

@dit
my nan loves that stuff too... And if you like boveril how can you not like marmite? You need to buil up your immunity... try kissing girls who've been eating marmite ;)

Ha ha ha!

ps never even SAW guinness marmite and i'm in Irisher territory! :-O
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:15, Reply)

agree with everything on teh list
except marzipan.

marzipan is god's own sweeties.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:16, Reply)

OMG!
Has the conversation gone so flat that were resorting to arguing over marmite.


How's this for random internet shopping....

Sports bra and absinthe.
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:16, Reply)

Vipros
TBF, couldn't tell the difference myself.

Try Soused Hogs Face, Bath Chaps, Lamb Fry, Tripe in milk, sweetbreads - all yummy*

Or if you're feeling adventurous, Smala Hove.








*to a certain degree of yummy.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:16, Reply)

@WK
You offering?

*puckers*

Argh! Teh beanz are all of teh evilz! They must be DESTROYED!

EDIT: @TWW - it's pauper food, from years and years ago. Makes use of the whole animal, not wasting half of it like many people do nowadays...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:16, Reply)

Cock!
My computer was just linked up to the shops stereo when I pressed that, 5 people just legged it out at the shop. Fuck sticks!

Oh and Marmite is bleurgh. As is Coldslaw.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:17, Reply)

Poor DiT
Being a member on here has made me always look at the bottom left of my window when hovering over links to see where they actually go :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:17, Reply)

@ Lusty
Well...

teh beanz - Noooooo! Beanz meanz fartz! They is teh fun!
twiglets - Normal ones? Yes - ick. The old Worchester Sauce ones? Ahhhhh - sticky gorgeousness...
celery - Only good for fencing with
pilchards - They put them in a tin for a reason. To keep them away from normal decent folks like you and me.
marzipan - Almond earwax.

I would however add:

Tomatoes - satans bum grapes...
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:17, Reply)

Tonight
we're having chips. And beefburgers (home made with onion and a dash of Worcestershire sauce).

No Marmite. No pigs heads.No calf feet.

I love being the one in charge of "what we eat for dinner"
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:18, Reply)

@dit
takes big bite of marmite n toast
chews lots to spread around marmitey goodness

*snogs*

Yum ;)
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:18, Reply)

if I could just dip my little fly in your ointment
prawns. prawns are evil. they are pink, but they are evil.

edit@al - marzipan is gods own sweeties, because it goes round christmas cake.

but fair point on the rest of the sweeties. vimto bonbons ftw. although vimto = nasty.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:20, Reply)

Marmite
FTW.

End of.

Anyone had those little cheddar marmite bites?
They come in a net/bag like babybells do.

They rock.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:20, Reply)

@al
noooooo!
i'm not smelly at all! I'm lovely! you just haven't discovered the true goodness that marmite really is!
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:22, Reply)

@ al
I don't know what you mean.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:23, Reply)

I dunno...
You get a snog off an Irish girl and the next thing you know you have a mouth full of disgusting evil.

NOT what I was expecting.

*bokes*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:24, Reply)

I thought I was scraping the barrel with that horses link
but if I got one person then that makes it worthwhile :-)

mmm, homemade burgers are good. my personal burger recipe includes, mince, crushed garlic, roasted red peppers, loads of chives, onion, tomato puree

best burgers in the world. fact.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:24, Reply)

For Happylittletulip the Apostate
One order of enormous, juicy tiger prawns.

Marinaded with garlic, lemongrass, lime, chilli and a gnats of Marmite in lieu of soy.

Grilled over charcoal while being brushed with the marinade to keep juicy.

Served with a sweet chilli, marmite, and soy dipping sauce, accompanied by a frosty bottle of Cobra or well chilled medium-dry Reisling.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:25, Reply)

@ Chef Osok
That sounds lully, really it does, but it'll make me poorly.

You don't want me to be poorly on you, do you?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:26, Reply)

I know I'm late to this but
1. True love.
2. No debts.
3. Sheffield Wednesday to win the Champions League.

I'm a simple man with simple pleasures.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:27, Reply)

@dit
lovely scottish girl
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:28, Reply)

Could we possibly make a new thread?
My internetz is crying at the refreshing :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:28, Reply)

@ al
Ooohhhh! You meant nookie!

Well of course, silly!
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:32, Reply)

@wk
I apologise profusely, I really do... ;)

Scottish eh? All Scottish ladies have incredibly sexy accents.

This is truth.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:32, Reply)

Chef???????
A chef is a white-hatted ponce who shouts abuse at poorly paid scullions and then gets a squillion pound book deal despite being an obsessive in silly trousers.

I cook.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:32, Reply)

@DiT
You may revise your opinion of Scottish ladies' accents should you ever visit Dundee!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:34, Reply)

Eurgh
Seconded on the Dundee accent. It's possibly the worst one in Scotland. Although Eastend Glasgow one isn't too far behind.
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:37, Reply)

Perhaps I mean Edinburgh...
That kind of soft, lilting Scottish accent makes me go weak at the knees.

Same with Irish. And, bizarrely, Durban accents too.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:39, Reply)

@DIT & Holy
I'm from near inverness. i have a highlanders accent. that ok??
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:42, Reply)

What...
Like Conor McLeod's (of the Clan McLeod) wifes accent?

If so, prepare to be jumped! ;)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:43, Reply)

@ DiT
An irish accent seems to do it for me. Match that with dark hair and I'll be dribbling.

Might be why I watch The One Show, theres sod all else to reason such a calamity of TV.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:44, Reply)

@dit
Kind of like that, yes ;)
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:45, Reply)

Hello lovely people
How can you say that the Dundonian accent is bad? I love it! Then again I have that accent myself although it's tempered a bit by living for a long time in London.

Actualy now you come to mention it the only Dundee accent that I really like is the posh one, more like Perth or Edinburgh.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:45, Reply)

I was out on a kind of date thingy
with an Irish man the other night.

He asked me if I'd ever been to Toyland.

"Toyland!?" Says I. "Never heard of it. It sounds fucking great though!"

He looked puzzled. "Not Toyland you dozy mare...Toyland? You know the country near Vietnam?"

"Ohhhhhh Thailand!"

I was rather embarrassed after that.
( wanderlust, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:48, Reply)

Born in Embra
18 years of living there, 3 years in North Wales, 5 years in the Saaarf East and 9 in the North West and I've ended up with an accent that errm varies.

Everyone thinks I'm from fucking Bristol.

Unless I get pissed off, when the full Jockinese returns in an instant.
(osok Rebel without a clue, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:49, Reply)

@weekirst
Do you have that 'take the bairns to Nairn' accent, right enaaf?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:50, Reply)

@ weekirst
Iverness accent is lovely, don't worry!

EDIT I was grew up in South East Glasgow so I doubt my accent is much to boast about!
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:51, Reply)

Miss Lust
I would have thought the same *laughs*

You've heard of Legoland so why wouldn't there be a Toyland.
( girlinthehole, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:53, Reply)

@Lusty
If I was Irish, and a girl said that to me, I'd know that she was a keeper! :)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:55, Reply)

scottish accents
Actually my dad is an oirisher, so i have a really mild accent. not even full on nairn or inverness :)
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:56, Reply)

@BGB
That's what I was thinking!
I made a bit of a fool of myself a few times that evening. In my defence though it was a really loud bar. Thank god I wasn't drinking though, it could have been a lot worse.

Edit: I'm seeing him tomorrow night actually.
*blushes*
Hopefully I won't accidentally flash him again this time.
*shames*

I wish I was joking!
( wanderlust, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 15:58, Reply)

Oi laaave Scottish manvoices
especially the ones I can understand.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 16:02, Reply)

Stop it, wk!
*weak kneed*

I'm nearly married! You should be ashamed! ;)

EDIT: You are brilliant, Lusty. I love it!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 16:03, Reply)

@lust
I'll bet he's wishing that you do 'accidentally' flash him again!

@HLT - you live in the 'Boardirs' so the accent's reasonably understandable. Have you ever been to deepest Aberdeenshire? You'd need an interpreter.

I have trouble understanding them up there!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 16:05, Reply)

@dit
lol!
i'm on my best behaviour! i swear
*winks*
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 16:06, Reply)

@al
Jelly totty.

We were playing that air hockey game, I got a little bit too involved and one of the mitchell brothers made a bid for freedom.

I felt like crying :(
( wanderlust, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 16:08, Reply)

Ahahahahahahaha!
"The Mitchell Brothers"

Best. Euphemism. Ever!

@wk: Ooh, you cheeky thing! *winks*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 16:11, Reply)

@dit
*giggles*
tee hee hee
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 16:15, Reply)

@al
I hope so.
I'll still make sure I'm wearing something less revealing tomorrow though!
( wanderlust, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 16:21, Reply)

@lust
Al's right. We men never tire of looking at tits.

It can only ever be a good thing.

Fact.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 16:29, Reply)

@al and K2k6
But surely no man will want to buy the cow if they're getting the milk for free?
( wanderlust, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 16:33, Reply)

@ Lusty
Are you lactating then? I can see how that would be awkward.

Ningles all, sorry I'm late, stupid work is keeping me stupid busy these days.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 16:37, Reply)

@al
There's nothing I can say to that apart from thank you for making me choke on my cup of tea!
( wanderlust, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 16:39, Reply)

Indeed
He's not getting the milk for free, he's just getting a brief tour of the dairy!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 16:40, Reply)

Mr Bin says
'When there's always biscuits in the tin, where's the fun in biscuits'.

I don't know if he's insulting me or my biscuits.

edit for there's
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 28 Aug 2008, 16:46, Reply)

@al
It's quite alright.
You make me laugh so you're forgiven :p
( wanderlust, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 16:51, Reply)

Oh, you're still here!
I thought you'd nipped to the other thread!

*waves and bows*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 16:59, Reply)

Afternoon m'dears
And welcome to my weekend! So happy!

In other news, I bought a 22 inch tv today. Once again, so happy!

Are we all well? Anything interesting been happening today?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 17:01, Reply)

Sorry to double-up from another thread... any 'shoppers on?
Fancy spending two mins with a scan I've got to optimise for /board? I'm on a friends 'puter with no shop or gimp *pouts*

Gaz pls ithankyouverymuchinadvance

Edit: Pixlr is really very limited =o[

Editedit: Hey PoD. today we have mostly been talking bollocks.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Aug 2008, 17:04, Reply)