If you could change just one event in your past, what would it be?
Apart from the obvious one, mine would be stopping my brother from running into the road when we were small and getting killed.

I've always wanted a brother but I'm not sure why.
( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:25, 244 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

That's easy. Really easy
But I'm not telling you about it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:27, Reply)

Why not?

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:28, Reply)

Cos I think I'm unpopular enough as it is

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Are you saying we're all homophobic?

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:31, Reply)

If you were all homophobic I wouldn't have persisted with OT for this long

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:32, Reply)

You do realise we love you just the way you are.

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:32, Reply)

*sings*

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:33, Reply)

I imagine "love" is a little strong
but I certainly enjoy your company enough not to care about the torrents of abuse
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:38, Reply)

When people stop abusing you, that's when you need to worry.

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:40, Reply)

I shall continue to mince around in a manner that gives everyone cause to abuse me then
Easy
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:42, Reply)

Darth - can we just clear this up -
you are gay, aren't you? Or have we all got this wrong?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:10, Reply)

Hahahahahaha!

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:12, Reply)

I refer you to my obscenely attractive girlfriend
but I can understand why it's hard to believe
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:19, Reply)

Of course, they say you never know till you've tried it.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:25, Reply)

I have tried it
Hence my conviction. By that criteria, unless you've tried it you've got more gay potential than I have
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:30, Reply)

exactly how much gayness have you tried?
because if it's more than some crazy internet weirdo drunkenly snogging you then you are definitely totally bent.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Are you hitting on me?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:37, Reply)

hey, I might be an internet weirdo, but I'm not crazy

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:38, Reply)

Your loss sweetheart

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Oh, I've tried it.
And not just at boarding school either.
We'll have to swap stories on that one day.
I now entirely accept your contention of non-bumderishness.

Of course, I'll still insinuate whenever appropriate and/or possibly funny. (If only to me. Mwah-ha-ha-ha) that was my evil laugh: needs work
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:37, Reply)

That was an impressively honest, decent and highly amusing post
That sort of thing won't fly in this company, Mr Vest
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Modesty, propriety can lead to notoriety
You could end up as the only one
Gentleness, sobriety are rare in this society
At night a candle's brighter than the sun.


Opps -too gay?
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:51, Reply)

No, just me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:32, Reply)

how do you deal with being scared of yourself?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Wanking, crying, Lord's Prayer etc...

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:38, Reply)

the usual then
sensible stuff
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:39, Reply)

You wish you could be straight?
Sorry
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:29, Reply)

That's the first time someone's apologised for calling me a bumder
Although I suspect you're apologising for making an easy joke rather than the assertion about my sexuality
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Bit of both really
Plus, I think you're probably still a long way behind me in the gay jokes section, mine have been going for years!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:32, Reply)

You're not gay, you're a tranny.

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:34, Reply)

POTD

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:34, Reply)

He can be both.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:52, Reply)

I wasn't aware of gay jokes surrounding you until now
which shows how much attention I've paid
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:35, Reply)

They've been on hold for a while

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:31, Reply)

it's more that they've switched to Darth.
And Monty of course.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:41, Reply)

When I joined 6th form
I had a group decide they didn't like me, and start bullying me relentlessly. The annoying thing is that they were all led by one lad, while the rest were girls. This means that while the bullying wasn't particularly physical, it still wore me down.

I saw him recently in the pub, he poked a friend, pointed me out, whispered something, and started laughing. It still upset me enough for me to decide to go elsewhere.

So what would I change? I'd smear his fucking nose across his fucking face the first fucking time he ever decided to cause me any fucking trouble. Then I'd enjoy watching him bleed.

It's a little shocking to discover I'm still this angry...ah well
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:32, Reply)

Those things are difficult to forget
Deep breath, and remember that you're better than him.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 13:35, Reply)

you're better than him you look better in a dress than him.
( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:36, Reply)

I'm with AA on this
Bullies are cunts
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:36, Reply)

When I think of the bullies from school, most of them eaither have sevral kids by sevral mums and/or is doing time.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:11, Reply)

Wow! That's a hard story! Sorry about that
I'm pretty happy with my life as it is in general. I think the only thing would have been to stop a little between Uni and work and go around travelling for a year, but everything else is more or less ok.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 13:34, Reply)

I wish I learned a trade
Instead of going to Uni. Not entirely sure if I could've hacked it but my mates that did that are currently about twice as well off as the Uni go-ers.

Mind you once the local power plant shuts down in the next decade I think there may be an overwhelming surplus of sparkies flooding the job centre.

Saying that, if I were on more money now and in a less stressful job I wouldn't regret a thing. Time for a job change methinks.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Funny, sometimes I wish I'd gone to Uni
I got an apprenticeship at 16 instead of going back to do the A-levels I'd signed up for (Maths, Further Maths and Physics). I've been knocking about working in my profession for 25 years and make a decent living, but I often wonder if I wouldn't have been happier studying Astrophysics and being a poorly paid scientist, but pursuing something I loved, rather than doing a job that I hate that pays the bills and lets me go on the occasional nice holiday.
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:53, Reply)

Maybe I'm being greedy
the guys I went to school with who weren't particularly scholarly and didn't go away to Uni simply got their trade and now at 25 earn something in the region of 25k+ sometimes even around the 40k mark working offshore. I also know for a fact that most of them don't even work particularly hard!

I appreciate that perhaps down the line I will possibly have better options but right now it doesn't feel that way. I think getting a job in business was a pretty terrible decision. They say that violent psychopaths go to prison and the non-violent psychopaths become managers and MDs. Can't say I disagree.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:31, Reply)

I didn't go to uni but a lot of my friends did
and I'm earning more than most of them. Obviously some of them, who were ridiculously clever, went on to things like astronuclear engineering or whatever and they're earning dickloads, but the rest are just doing admin jobs in work that is kind of related to their field but not really. And not many of them are happy doing it. I think it's a bit unfair of the government and schools to advertise uni as this failsafe gateway to brilliant careers when the more people they try and stuff into universities, the lower the standards get and the less jobs there are for graduates when they come out. And because of the demand for jobs, employers are now demanding graduates for really low paid jobs.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:44, Reply)

I'm not so sure. There are a lot of things I would want to change but who knows what would happen instead.
I'm sorry to hear about your brother, my brother died when we were both babies.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:40, Reply)

actually I change my mind
I wouldn't have went to that bar that night because then I wouldn't have continued to go and end up being an alcoholic slag.
Maybe I would've progressed in my last job and gotten lots of money and been successful.
But then again, maybe not.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:10, Reply)

What about the view that if you are inclined (biologically,genetically- whatever)
to become an alcoholic slag you will become one.
So you might as well get that done and move on.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:29, Reply)

haha
I've got a mental image of Kristine ticking it off a "Things To Do Before You're 30" list
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:39, Reply)

It's already done!
Are you suggesting I have a re-do on that one?
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:52, Reply)

No - move on to the move on bit.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:00, Reply)

I have.
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post623805
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:09, Reply)

I knew all that sweets - and you're doing it in style I bet.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:22, Reply)

I can't think of a single event that I'd change
I've ended up in a good place.

I'd like to have not been a fat cunt through my teenage years, so I might have got some more action from the laydeez.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Yes but sometimes quality is better than quantity.
Even if you have to wait for it.
( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:41, Reply)

Agreed
I've never been especially fat and despite the occasional hair disaster I've never been especially unnattractive (unless you listen to Al) but I still didn't get a girl to look twice at me til I was 17 and didn't shag anyone worth shagging til I was 22
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Bollocks -
when you're 17 anyone is worth shagging.
You just got fussy.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:19, Reply)

Actually, my criteria for "worth shagging" was "is vaguely interested"
so what I said was entirely accurate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:21, Reply)

By god - we agree!
That must be a strange feeling for you - seeing eye to eye with another chap.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Points, sir
You are fast turning into my favourite person to be mocked by
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Don't let Al know.

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:11, Reply)

He often does.
Eye to Jap's eye that is.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 20 May 2010, 16:24, Reply)

sometimes it is
but not when you are a teenager and you ain't getting any
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:44, Reply)

Also agreed

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:45, Reply)

Me neither.
But then again when I finally got some it was ace.
( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:46, Reply)

there is that
however it was mildly embarrassing to be almost completely unskilled when I did get down to it.

thinking back on it, it occurs to me that too many of my 'firsts' were with gingers....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:48, Reply)

You lucky buggar.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:19, Reply)

Almost the opposite from my point of view.
I wasn't unattractive. So I got lead around by my willy most of my young life - in short, a bit of a waster.
I don't think I grew up until I met Mrs V, by when I was 36.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:17, Reply)

Probably spend some more time on Biology A level revision/coursework
then I'd have got into my first choice uni.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Wouldn't really have made you a better paperclip salesman though.

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:44, Reply)

Probably not,
but it would be interesting to see where I would have ended up.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:45, Reply)

If I'd done better on my A-levels I'd have ended up in Birmingham and I wouldn't have met the love of my life
Not one, but TWO fates worse than death
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:46, Reply)

Brum's not that bad.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Tis

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:49, Reply)

At least it's not
Coventry.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:54, Reply)

Ah, Coventry
The eternal consolation
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:57, Reply)

^ this
I live in Birmingham. It's really not as bad as you might think.

EDIT: however Coventry really, really is.
(berk, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:58, Reply)

r
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Wouldn't have ended up anywhere better than MK
City of Dreams!
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:55, Reply)

I'd have spoken more about being bullied
The one time I told anyone about being bullied, it was because I was receiving a dressing down for starting a fight. The fight was because I had finally lost it after years of name calling and other delightful, verbal bullying. In trying to defend my actions, I explained to the teacher that I was being bullied by the other kids for being short. She seemed to think that I should just MTFU and get over it, she was short herself and seemed to think that because she'd coped with being bullied as a kid, it was acceptable that I was bullied for being short. What I wanted to shout at her, but didn't have the nerve to, was "But you're not fucking Irish as well as short". The seventies was really not a good time to come from Norn Iron. 28 years and I still regret not speaking up.

I'd also have told my parents a lot more about how much I was bullied.
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:48, Reply)

I wished I'd held out for the PhD I wanted to do
instead of the one I panicked and ended up with.

But then, perhaps I'd have ended up enjoying what I do, and wouldn't have blossomed into the cantankerous, whingeing old git that you've all come to know and love.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:49, Reply)

I like what you did with the other post
I appreciate why you took it down though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:49, Reply)

Yeah, I read it back and thought it was a bit too harsh

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Oooh, gaz me it
My interest is piqued
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Moi aussi.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Pfft!
We've all been cunts at some time or other.

Except me of course.
( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:04, Reply)

yeah, you're a cunt all the time
:-P
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:04, Reply)

haha!

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:05, Reply)

I'd have pushed like fuck for proper therapy six months after I split with daughter's mum
instead of bouncing from crutch to addiction to fuckup to job to failed relationship to psych nurse to crap counsellor to good counsellor to suicide attempt to self-harm to alcoholism for twelve years. I finally got some brilliant counselling, but I do wish I'd got it sooner.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:50, Reply)

I'm trying to convince family member of this but they won't listen.

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Nobody would have been able to tell me to do it.
It's a terrible cliche but true, it has to come from within.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:02, Reply)

She's had some but I don't think it's enough.

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:05, Reply)

If she thinks she's ok there'll be no changing her mind.
I wrote about my catalyst yesterday. I'll gaz you.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:07, Reply)

I should have pushed that woman down the stairs and stole her pug.
I never did it and I went home in a grump and just had a half floppy willy tickle that didn't even cheer myself up.

I fucking love pugs.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:55, Reply)

I saw a jag today.
It's registration was H11 PUG. It had an old fashioned AA badge in the middle of it's grill and a tin pug either side of the badge.

Is it yours?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 20 May 2010, 16:28, Reply)

Actually, whingeing introspection aside
I don't think I'd change anything. There are a few things I wish I'd not done, and a few things I wish I either had done or had done sooner. Admittedly I don't have any tragedy comparable to what happened to your brother that I might have been able to prevent - and I'm very sorry to hear about your brother, on that note.

But all the good bits and all the shit bits have contributed to a great deal of experience, and dragged me up in one way or another, rounding the corners off my awkward personality and making me the grumpy old bastard I am today. And, all in all, I can't really complain.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:56, Reply)

we can though
complain about you that is

because you're shit
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:58, Reply)

I was only small and with my mum at the time.
Not sure I could have done anything but I would like to have prevented it somehow.
( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:59, Reply)

It must have been bewildering and obviously some trauma resulted. *hugs*

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:42, Reply)

sometimes I wish I'd gone to uni to do the degree I'm now studying through OU
but when I was 18 I didn't know this was the degree I wanted to do, so I wouldn't have been any better off and still would have wasted my time.

If I could take away one event it would be shagging someone in the toilets of a bar because it still makes me cringe now and it was 6 years ago. I'm cringing right now. Really.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 20 May 2010, 13:58, Reply)

OU eh?
Know where that's based?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:00, Reply)

Well I said OU although it's not the official Open University,
it's home study through the London University.

But go on, tell me anyway.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:02, Reply)

do you need to ask?
M to the muthafuckin' K I expect
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:04, Reply)

MILTON KEYNES!!!

(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:05, Reply)

I hear Milton Keynes is full of snakes
not education
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:13, Reply)

No we're all smart enough, we export our smarts to the provinces.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:14, Reply)

did you mean to write smarts
or was it supposed to be snakes?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:25, Reply)

I wrote what I meant to write ok?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:25, Reply)

yep, fine
just checking
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:28, Reply)

What if it's something I can't change, no matter how many times I go back?
I wouldn't have been ill, if I could change one event in the past.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Too many to choose from, but
I would accept my scholarship to one of the nation’s best public schools instead of refusing and going to a state school because I didn’t want to go to school on Saturday mornings.

GAZ TOP RUINED MY LIFE.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:07, Reply)

Yes but at least it stopped you from turning into a complete knob.

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:08, Reply)

Really?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Better a terrible cunt than a complete knob I say.

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:10, Reply)

I'd agree with that
it's got chompy coming and going though
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:11, Reply)

Don't you start flirting with me too.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:26, Reply)

fliting?
he's moving house with you?
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:28, Reply)

I edited now to make you look stupid.
I win this round.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:30, Reply)

if you hadn't commented
maybe i'd look stupid
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:36, Reply)

:-(

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:28, Reply)

Wise words.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:17, Reply)

Yes, because going to a good school turns you in to a knob.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:33, Reply)

Yup!

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:34, Reply)

Actually, no.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:35, Reply)

FFS!
Because of course everything anyone says on here is what they 100% believe.
( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Why do you have to say that?
It obvious that anything that is written here is true. Isn't it?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:46, Reply)

It was a pretty cut and dried statement, BGB.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Bollox!
I was obviously making a sweeping generalization for comedic affect.
( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:54, Reply)

"Yes, but at least it stopped you from turning into a complete knob."
A sweeping statement, sure, but I see no comedic effect.

See also: "All people who believe in God are idiots"
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:57, Reply)

You're just being reactionary.
You have a habit of it.

And if you don't find me funny then there is nothing I can do about that.
( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:00, Reply)

Do I really?
Well, I'm so glad to have been shown that I'm an awful reactionary idiot. It must have something to do with my GOOD EDUCATION.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:03, Reply)

Might be.
I don't know you well enough to say one way or the other.

(That was me being sarcastic btw)
( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:04, Reply)

That one I did get.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:06, Reply)

off the top of my head I can think of three of the loveliest people I've known
who went to public school.
It's who you are that counts.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:39, Reply)

I went to a public school
A nuns school, in fact. I wouldn't recommend it, but I'm not a knob.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:45, Reply)

Four!
*is not playing golf*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:46, Reply)

*Ahem*

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:53, Reply)

I know it's not spelt like that, Lazarous!
Ooh Lazarous. Like it.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:56, Reply)

While I've no doubt you can spell, and also probably raise the dead -
What I meant was, I also went to a public school.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:18, Reply)

i would have had that threesome :(
FFM, incidentally. No double saveloy action here.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Yea - me too.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:23, Reply)

Oh, yeah, I forgot about that
I would have done it too. To be fair, we were there, in his house, the three of us completely ready to go, but somehow, nothing happened.

I'm not sure if we were joking or not.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:26, Reply)

I've sadly never ever been in that position (FFM threesome)
I have witnessed a bisexual foursome (FMMM) at the afterparty of my old club night.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:33, Reply)

This one was a FMM
I liked both of them very much, so I wouldn't have known who to choose if I had to.

We were there, talking about doing it. Touching a bit here and there. But nothing, nothing.

Silly girl.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:35, Reply)

Definitely sounds like a wasted opportunity!
You should have made the first move.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:38, Reply)

I know
I thought they had more experience than me, but clearly they didn't.

It was the house of the parents of one of them, and he said at the beginning he was hoping they didn't appear before time. I didn't know when "time" was and how long that meant.

Ay, well. I have my imagination.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:47, Reply)

And your imaginations is probably 10 times better than how it would have been.
Like I'm imagining the three of you, in bed, playing Monopoly. I bet that would have been better than the awkward, clumsy clusterfuck that might have occurred.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Yes
Especially having into account that his parents did come before time, and it would have been difficult to explain.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:51, Reply)

I'm as kinky as they come. (no pun intended).
But the thought of threesomes leave me cold.
( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Well, these 2 guys were very sexy
I can't believe we went there and didn't do anything.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:33, Reply)

I like the idea of it (FFM)
but it'd be really weird I reckon
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:35, Reply)

Same
In my mind it'd be all porn movie thrills. In reality I'd probably get nervous and keep asking if they're both ok.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Judging the correct amount of drink/drugs must be critical.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:45, Reply)

That's the worst you can do, asking if they're ok

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:50, Reply)

But I'm a gentleman

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:54, Reply)

You can ask at the end
But not during... Well, I don't like it anyway, it feels as if you weren't confident with what you're doing and as if you weren't enjoying yourself.

It's not the same as asking "Do you like it, bitch, do you like it?" That's ok
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:55, Reply)

That's ok?
*makes notes*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:59, Reply)

I can't bear that sort of stuff
sounds completely fake to me
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:01, Reply)

Oh, so you don't like it, bitch?
I agree though, shouting during sexehtiem has to be genuine.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:02, Reply)

Genuine yes
But careful. I like to tease my bf by shouting stupid things, like, when he's going to get in, I say:

Engage! *moving hand like Picard*
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:05, Reply)

That would make me burst out laughing, and probably ruin the moment.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:08, Reply)

there is definitely a place for saying amusing things
sometimes it's nice to have a laugh during sex.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:11, Reply)

I agree again
Sex is pretty funny at the end of the day.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:12, Reply)

I agree

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:12, Reply)

Well, that's what happened
That's why I say I tease him. We have to start all the foreplay from the begining, but he doesn't mind, as it usually means extra bj minutes.

Sometimes when he's starting to get hard I shout: wingardium leviosa! *moving hands as if I had a wand* That makes him laugh too.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:11, Reply)

Extra foreplay is always a plus!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:13, Reply)

Fire photon torpedoes!
Warp drive, Mr Data
Oh yeeees.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:11, Reply)

photon protein
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:14, Reply)

You're on form today

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:16, Reply)

I have to try that one just before he's coming
Problem is that usually at that point I'm coming too and it's difficult to concentrate on saying anything appart from a lot of swearing in Spanish.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:14, Reply)

I'm guessing that doesn't include
puta madre
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:15, Reply)

Sometimes, maybe
I have a very bad mouth when having sex.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:23, Reply)

Too few people do

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:26, Reply)

I've realised that slowly, with experience
Still, it's difficult to control, but eh, I don't want to control it!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:31, Reply)

A bad mouth?
I heard you got the level of suction just right ;)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:28, Reply)

Ha!
Who told you that, eh? I want names!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:30, Reply)

Here y'are
The names are in the grey box
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:32, Reply)

I'm scared to click

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:44, Reply)

Oh, yeah
I had forgotten about that. I think I'll do it, but I don't think anyone will like my music.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:44, Reply)

I'd like to do it, but my burner is broked :-(

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 16:03, Reply)

What's the gag -

The Positive orgasm - calling Oh Yes, Yes!
The Negative orgasm - calling Oh no, no!
The Religious - calling out God's name.
The Fake - calling out your name.
The Genuine - calling out your best friend's name.
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:10, Reply)

Surely it all sounds like "oorrgllarggll"
If they're gagging.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:11, Reply)

Ha! Excellent.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:13, Reply)

I shout during sex. It goes like this:
SHUT THE FUCKING DOOR YOU LITTLE BASTARD AND FUCK OFF!
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 20 May 2010, 17:14, Reply)

I too would have had that Octosome (MMMMMMMM)
like a cocktastic key stage 1 maths test it would have been.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:43, Reply)

I had a threesome with my best friend and her boyfriend
It was awesome. So was the 7some (FFFFMMM), in case anyone's interested. Everyone should try it, ideally with people you know but no-one you're romantically interested in. Apologies if anyone had been hoping for confirmation that multiple-partner sex games are not all they're cracked up to be.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:17, Reply)

I would have been born a girl
And obviously therefore be a smoking hot lesbian, and probably really rich too.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:29, Reply)

born one
rather than having the op?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Yeah, I'd have saved £15k
Hence he rich part.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:33, Reply)

PHWOAR, LEZZERS!

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:34, Reply)

I just read your "YOU'RE RAPING ME" post again
fucking funny
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:35, Reply)

Aythangew.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:37, Reply)

You can look, but you can't touch!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Everyone knows that what you lezzers need is a good stiff piece of hot purple ramrod action.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:42, Reply)

Oh, and I suppose you'd be the guy to 'turn me'?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:43, Reply)

You *knows* it.
If I can't, it's probably your fault anyway.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:48, Reply)

Photographing OK?

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Everything that's gone before
Be it good or bad, has made me who I am, and I'm a nice kid really.

In fact, I'll let Edith say it:
C'est payé, balayé, oublié,
Je me fous du passé
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:45, Reply)

Yeah, but you could be you, but with an extra £20k in the bank

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:47, Reply)

I wouldn't be exactly me
I wouldn't have known final demands, making decisions on necessity and not just pleasure.
I might hve still been a fine lass, but i wouldn't be the exact me that I am now.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:50, Reply)

Ok, you could be you, but in 8 minutes time win £20k

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:53, Reply)

That would be MINT

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:02, Reply)

Well she would say that wouldn't she.
She's French.
( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Absolutely nothing
I have had some shit times, and some wonderful times, and do not regret a single second of it, even when the good turns to shit

I have met some lovely people over the years, have some wonderful friends, have a decent job, most of my sanity and all my own teeth.

(Would have prefered that I wasn't lured by the flashing lights of a fruit machine so easily when I was younger though!)
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 20 May 2010, 14:59, Reply)

I like that thing about your own teeth
My grandma (father side) used to say that.

My other grandma got all of them out when she was 18, as it was healthy and fashion, and only rich people could afford it. She got a whole set of new teeth, one of them made of gold. Cool.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:01, Reply)

if I ever need a false tooth
I'm definitely getting a gold one.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:01, Reply)

My aunty has gold teeth and she is a complete horror
So gold teeth now remind me of her witchy cackle.
They used to remind me of nice old ladies.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:03, Reply)

Gold and bright, eh?
I think they look awful, but it was fashion.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:03, Reply)

I hate them
It makes me think that the possessor is a superficial cunt.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:04, Reply)

*waves*
hi there
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:11, Reply)

Oh herro!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:16, Reply)

Regrets, I've had a few. But then again, too few to mention.
Because I got senile dementia
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:01, Reply)

Talking about grandmothers
My father's mother was great cooking. I regret not having paid more attention when she tried to teach me, and not having noted down every single step.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:02, Reply)

I know my mother regrets not teaching us German as we we're growing up.
But as a single mother of three for most of the time, it's understandable.
( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:08, Reply)

I think she did a great job looking after you 3
You can still learn German and surprise her.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:13, Reply)

yeah, you could leap out of a cupboard and shout
"ACHTUNG!"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:13, Reply)

my mate is swiss
and his teaching his boy french as well as english

however, after one day at daycare he came home and caned loads of juice. hadn't had a drink all day because he'd been asking for one in french, and the staff didn't get it....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:13, Reply)

Somewhere in my heart there is a staaaar that shines for youuuu
Silver splits the bluuuuuuue, love will see you throoooooough
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:11, Reply)

Pass that over here, please.

( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:15, Reply)

*passes*
Enjoy
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:16, Reply)

*puffs*
-strong stuff. Thought as much. You can roach that.
*passes back*
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Thu 20 May 2010, 15:30, Reply)

You've a song for every occasion : )

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:17, Reply)

And also by Aztec Camera:
The past is steeped in shame, but tomorrow's fair game :)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:18, Reply)

If I could start again, a million miles away
I would keep myself, I would find a way.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:19, Reply)

ah trent
what a wordsmith

who else could come up with something so poignant as "I want to fuck you like an animal"?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:20, Reply)

And such lyrical geniusnessness as
I got my arms a-flip-flop-flip, I got my head on a string.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:22, Reply)

Irving Berlin
I know a millionaire
Who's burdened down with care
A load is on his mind
He's thinking of the day
When he must pass away
And leave his wealth behind
I haven't any gold
To leave when I grow old
Somehow it passed me by
I'm very poor but still
I'll leave a precious will
When I must say good-bye

I'll leave the sunshine to the flowers
I'll leave the springtime to the trees
And to the old folks, I'll leave the mem'ries
Of a baby upon their knees
I'll leave the night time to the dreamers
I'll leave the songbirds to the blind
I'll leave the moon above
To those in love
When I leave the world behind

To every wrinkled face
I'll leave a fireplace
To paint their fav'rite scene
Within the golden rays
Scenes of their childhood days
When they were sweet sixteen
I'll leave them each a song
To sing the whole day long
As toward the end they plod
To ev'ry broken heart
With sorrow torn apart
I'll leave the love of God
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:25, Reply)

You mis-spelled
"Hit me with your rhythm stick"
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:25, Reply)

Oops!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:26, Reply)

Haha!

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:28, Reply)

Wasn't that album recorded in Charles Manson's old house or summat like that?

(Cave Duck, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:25, Reply)

Not quite
It was Sharon Tate's house, she was murdered just outside it by the Manson family.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:28, Reply)

I bloody love Aztec Camera, me. Somewhere In My Heart is a great song for sunny days.
But the first album is still my favourite.
"I've been hanging with the hollow men who never got the groove, now I'm going down the dip with you"
(Cave Duck, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:30, Reply)

I like Oblivious and Good Morning Britain too

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:31, Reply)

Now I always thought The The were better.
Especially Uncertain Smile. But there you go
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 20 May 2010, 17:18, Reply)

right now
i'd go back to some point last week and not get whatever it is that has made me so ill.... this is the second day on the trot that my boss has got really angry with me and ordered me to go home, and now i am banned from work until monday.

and fuck me i am BORED RIGID. the tv is actually showing things like "fat pet, fat owner". wtf?! who the shuddering fuck makes, produces, writes, stars in and watches this drivel?!

luckily i also managed to sneak some work home with me, but still.......
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:37, Reply)

Shouldn't you be internet shopping or something?

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:42, Reply)

nooooooooo
this weekend was far too decadent!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:43, Reply)

I haven't done anything decadent in bloody ages : (

( girlinthehole, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:50, Reply)

Don't worry, I am being decadent enough for both of us

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 20 May 2010, 16:51, Reply)

play some online games weirdo.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:45, Reply)

there is such a delicious irony to this sentence
i love it!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 May 2010, 15:47, Reply)

If you looked after yourself properly and gave your body time to recover......
It can't always cash the cheques your mind writes you know.
Go to the doctors and get yourself sorted.
Cuh.
Bloody kids.

PS My neighbour started like this. He's in intensive care now with 40% lung function.
Not trying to scare you or anything.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 20 May 2010, 17:20, Reply)

argh now i am shitting it

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 20 May 2010, 17:39, Reply)