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(

rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)

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This ain't /links etc.
But, I was just going to post a link to that terrible brokencyde song in another thread and this little gem from urban dictionary came up on google.

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=brokencyde
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 12:47, 255 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I've never heard of these people
have to youtube to see just how bad they are
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 28 May 2010, 12:51, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5GNwCITd9g&feature=fvw
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 12:55, Reply)

that is so fucking awful - it's not even noise, nevermind music
loved this quote on the wikipedia entry:

"The New Musical Express stated in a review of I'm Not a Fan, But the Kids Like It!, that "even if I caught Prince Harry and Gary Glitter adorned in Nazi regalia defecating through my grandmother’s letterbox I would still consider making them listen to this album too severe a punishment.""
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Fri 28 May 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Same here but no sound at work
I'll just add them to my hate list on your say-so Al, no problem.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 12:56, Reply)

They make David Bowie look like the most talented man on earth

(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 12:57, Reply)

But wait
I thought Bowie was the most talented man on earth.
(

djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Look
I know that, and you know that, but lets just pretend he's not so Monty doesn't get upset. He's an old chap and I'm worried if he gets himself worked up.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:01, Reply)

TOO LATE.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:01, Reply)

NURSE!
FETCH HIS PILLS AND GIVE HIM A BLOWJOB! STAT!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:02, Reply)

*flatlines*

*fatlines*
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:05, Reply)

Bagsy not cleaning that mess up

(

djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:07, Reply)

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:11, Reply)

print it off monty

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:14, Reply)

*vomits all over desk*

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:18, Reply)

I read that like
'take it away Sam!'
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:19, Reply)

You thought that, did you?

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:01, Reply)

Not really
I know it's Vince Clarke
(

djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:06, Reply)

Hahahaha
Chad Kroeger hahahaha. When I had long hair if I grew a goatee I was told by all and sundry I looked like that talentless assclown. I stopped growing goatees.
(

djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 12:57, Reply)

He and Sarah Jessica Parker
are never in the same room at the same time.

Coincidence? I DON'T THINK SO.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:00, Reply)

he looks like a spaniel

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:02, Reply)

Does he bollox.
Now if you'd said Cowardly Lion.............
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 28 May 2010, 13:05, Reply)

ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51i%2BCllsHWL._SL500_AA280_.jpg

www.breederretriever.com/photopost/data/606/springer.jpg
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Okay, I'll admit that one.
Although it's quite close.

l.yimg.com/eb/ymv/us/img/hv/photo/movie_pix/warner_home/the_wizard_of_oz/bert_lahr/wizardofoz1.jpg
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 28 May 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Fuck your link, I'm going to be working next door to a very famous landmark, getting paid handsomely for it and claiming back all expenses too
I believe the phrase BOOYA old job applies here.

Someone fetch me a gilded pain au chocolat
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Which one?
Nice link this morning.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:04, Reply)

I'll gaz you when I get home. Saying would give away too much for my liking
Cheers, yours was a great find
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:07, Reply)

Ah well
congrats anyway! :)
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:15, Reply)

I can't gaz on my blackberry as my inbox is too full, it times out.
Cheers
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:22, Reply)

WHAT IS THIS, /links? ETC.

(

crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:00, Reply)

I'm so looking forward to Sunday
Am I allowed to touch the baby bump or do you find people who do that really annoying?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:02, Reply)

do it anyway
angry pregnant lady baiting is fun
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:03, Reply)

Yes, do it
But remember, Al, you're only allowed to try to touch it from the outside.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:04, Reply)

Awwww, you spoiled my fun there
I was going to pretend it was all an amusing misunderstanding.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:05, Reply)

THREADJACK!
You got your tickets yet? Mine are still a no show.
(

djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:09, Reply)

have you got tickets to the gun show?
*flexes*
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:10, Reply)

Oh I got guns hon
*also flexes*
(

djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:13, Reply)

Yep, they arrived day before yesterday
I'm all of the happy now.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:11, Reply)

:'(
Maybe they take longer to get East Anglia cos we're all simple farmers
(

djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:13, Reply)

Maybe someone stole yours
or maybe the organisers decided you didn't deserve tickets since you started dating a scouser.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:18, Reply)

I think everyone realises
I'm doing the country a favour by taking her out of the dating pool. I demand remuneration!
(

djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:20, Reply)

Oh man, you're so fucking dead now

(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:23, Reply)

She's at Alton Towers today
I can say whatever I goddamn please!
(

djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:26, Reply)

Yeah, cos she has no access to phones or texts or anything...
Stupid boy
(

fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:28, Reply)

Well if we all click it, it'll go on the popular page and she'll see it.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:28, Reply)

I don't think I've been on the popular since I started seeing her
Apparently I used to be funny.
(

djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:32, Reply)

Which wag told you that?

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:37, Reply)

You did
You were always POTDing me. Remember, back when we first met and everything was fresh and exciting?
(

djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:41, Reply)

he was trying to sleep with you.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:42, Reply)

well it's the most popular now
I don't think I've ever had such an empty victory.
(

djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:46, Reply)

You're right.
Where did it all go so terribly wrong?

Nowadays you're about as funny as cock cancer. Slightly less funny than that actually.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:43, Reply)

about Darthfoxtrot's level?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:43, Reply)

should I pretend to be pretending not to be gay as well?

(

djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:47, Reply)

A little bit lower than that.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:23, Reply)

You
Are so fucking dead...
(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 28 May 2010, 16:40, Reply)

If you use nice words like "radiant" and "blooming"
I'll probably be less of an angry retard than usual and might be amenable to some bump fondling.

I'm cooking lamb, oh yes.
(

crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:17, Reply)

That's my favourite meat.
Well, joint favourite along with cow and pig. Does this mean you have a functioning kitchen again?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:19, Reply)

for the most part -
needs tweaking but the structural, functional aspects are done.
(

crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:21, Reply)

Wooo!
I can't wait to see your blooming radiant self in your lovely kitchen.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:23, Reply)

Well done.

(

crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:30, Reply)

That's not music
that's autotune and wank.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:05, Reply)

To counteract Brokencyde
have one of my all-time favourite records:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpWIggaXycQ

Unbelievably the man behind it was Alan Hawkshaw, who you may also know as the wizard behind the Grange Hill theme tune.

Message ends.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:05, Reply)

That "I'm Alive" song you linked to a while back
is now being used to advertise 5Alive. It's a good tune.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:06, Reply)

It's magic.
Shame I can never play it out again, as it's been on an ad. I always used to finish with it so a bit gutted.

Here's Tommy James & the Shondells' version - slower and more garagey, I like it:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=byO-hhbv28I

By the way I am thinking of reviving my old Cock Rock nights in Wankditch. Might you come to one?
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:12, Reply)

Cock rock nights?
You mean... Hanoi Rocks and Poison and Ratt and Dokken and Van Halen?

I'd come.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:18, Reply)

In all truth it was more classic rock, 60s garage and psychedelia

....but please come anyway. I'll gaz you if I get it together. It's be in a bar/club in Kinglsand Rd that friends of friends have just taken over.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:26, Reply)

Even better
You mean AC/DC, Hawkwind, Blue Oyster Cult, Speedwagon etc?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Yup, a healthy dose of the above
Nazareth, Zeppelin, Motorhead, that sort of thing - and some of my more wilfully obscure sides.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:08, Reply)

no it's just that the DJ is a cock.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:27, Reply)

Listen, I TOLD you, you can't play.
Not after you 'dropped' N-Dubz last time.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:28, Reply)

Yeah, I'd be amenable to attending something like that.
Then I can say to the bouncers, "no it's okay, I know the DJ, No, I said I know the DJ, GET OFF ME I KNOW THE DJ, OWWWWW, OUCH, STOP KICKING ME! Oh GOD NO THE PAIN! PLEASE STOP! I KNOW THE DJ, PLEASE!"
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:22, Reply)

LOOK I'LL PUT THEM BACK ON, OK?
IT'S ALL JUST A BIG MISUNDERSTANDING.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:24, Reply)

You don't half like some shite.
Then again it's more than outweighed by the good stuff so you are forgiven.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 28 May 2010, 13:07, Reply)

What on earth are you wittering on about, you wizened old helmet?
I only like good stuff. And Shaky.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:23, Reply)

one of my all-time favourites
www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTbgwCq3BkE
Yes that's the same Snow wot did "Informer mi know mi daddy mi snow mi licky boom boom down"
(

djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:12, Reply)

You've licked a few boom-booms down in your time, I'll bet.
Know this? You will like it, I think:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNoinJ0Xjh4
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:13, Reply)

I know this not
I likey, have this in return
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PUezm-6CQE
(

djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:17, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=xv8URilkuqg
(Tugnut I got them all..., Fri 28 May 2010, 13:19, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMGCbgpIf3E
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:21, Reply)

*shakes head*

(

djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:21, Reply)

~~head~~ cock.
(Tugnut I got them all..., Fri 28 May 2010, 13:23, Reply)

you fucking freak.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:22, Reply)

OK try this then...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlgIjlS2siY
(Tugnut I got them all..., Fri 28 May 2010, 13:27, Reply)

I am a fucking HUGE cutty Ranks fan, have been for years.
Saw him at Dingwalls at one of Westwood's 'Live To London Jams' in about '90. The bloke is my favourite 'chatter' of all time. Him and Dr Alimantado.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:31, Reply)

"Slam! Duh duh-duuuh!
Let the boys be boys."
Now that I think of it, Onyx were a bit homoerotic.
(Tugnut I got them all..., Fri 28 May 2010, 13:14, Reply)

'Throw Ya Gunz' will always be a fucking classic, benders or not.
The lyrics speak to my soul.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:22, Reply)

I've always wanted to know what would happen if someone shot a load up your nose

(

Lisette von Falcon, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:14, Reply)

I think it would make your eyes water.

(

girlinthehole, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:18, Reply)

'Dicks Sinex Nasal Spray.'

(Tugnut I got them all..., Fri 28 May 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Tell you what
If you were to sneeze afterwards it'd be a hell of a mess!
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:20, Reply)

it's a handy sperm receptacle
if it weren't for that little draw back
(

Lisette von Falcon, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:21, Reply)

There are logistical issues though
I'm not boasting here, but I'd struggle to get my cock into anyone's nostril. It would need a good aim, which is difficult at the moment of ejaculation.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:23, Reply)

you'd not need the whole thing in there!
unless you've got a headless cock that spews sperm forth like a fire hose
(

Lisette von Falcon, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:26, Reply)

No, it has the requisite jizzle
But it's a bit difficult to be precise with the aim when convulsing orgasmically.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:27, Reply)

I've only been with one guy that convulsed when he orgasmed
he was a fah-reak, so now I'm assuming you are too
(

Lisette von Falcon, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:29, Reply)

I thought it was quite normal
We're not talking epileptic fit here, just a bit of spasmodic jerking (snigger).
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:30, Reply)

haha I get what you mean, still, he's the only one

(

Lisette von Falcon, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:31, Reply)

but it's so uncomfortable when you accidentally get water up your nose when you're swimming,
it would be like that, only gooier and burnier
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:29, Reply)

hahaha isn't it funny? if I had a cock I'd be jizzing up bitches noses all the bloody time

(

Lisette von Falcon, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:32, Reply)

You might not be too popular
And perhaps have to sign a register every day...
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:41, Reply)

I've had Aftershock up my nose
that was awful

I imagine jizz would be worse
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Absinthe up the nose is a fucking stupid idea
Learn from my mistake.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:10, Reply)

Salty :(

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:33, Reply)

probably
I'm wondering if it'll burn
probably make you sneeze
(

Lisette von Falcon, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:20, Reply)

It would be deeply unpleasant
I seem to be the only one in our Dark Trinity who's not had spunk in their eye.

I'm CLEAN, me.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:33, Reply)

having someone jizz all over your face with your eyes closed does NOT make you clean, silly Lampito
when will you learn?
(

Lisette von Falcon, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:38, Reply)

I've just found you on facebook
I'm going to add you as a friend so I can invite you to all the cool parties I have.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:40, Reply)

that I can't come to?!
You're HORRIBLE to me!
(

Lisette von Falcon, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:43, Reply)

I've never let anyone jizz on my face
trufax
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:41, Reply)

Yet

(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:42, Reply)

Can't imagine it'll be very nice

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:43, Reply)

But you don't know until you've tried it
I never thought I'd enjoy eating tomatoes when I was younger. But I love them now.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:44, Reply)

Do you like eating cock now too?

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:50, Reply)

I don't know, I've never tried it
But I'd imagine it would be quite nice, if I were that way inclined.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:52, Reply)

It's incredibly fun. I recommend it.

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:53, Reply)

I'll stick to pussy for now
But if I ever change my mind, I'll bear your advice in mind.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:54, Reply)

Ewwww sperm

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:44, Reply)

Just wait until my drinkies
You'll look like a plasterers radio.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:45, Reply)

Who's going to be doing the honours?
:P
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Geoff Capes.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:02, Reply)

everyone
even me, and I'm not going to be there.

Al asked me to post him a ~~bucketful~~ sample
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:03, Reply)

you wanker

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:05, Reply)

technically no
I have a milking machine

it's the only way to meet Al's demands for jizz-by-post
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:06, Reply)

I thought it was just me he tapped up for spunk-parcels
I feel used now.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:10, Reply)

he likes to create his own blends

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:11, Reply)

cock-tails

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:21, Reply)

I'd like to change my answer to
"Suck it up!"
(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Just wait till someone surprises you with it
That is well_fucking_fun
(

Lisette von Falcon, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:49, Reply)

I agree,
but I've got a totally different perspective.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Oh fuck off Chompy, don't pretend that you've had sex
it's just sad
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:51, Reply)

Totally have, I went well deep, put the balls in and everything.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:52, Reply)

urgh I really don't want that image in my head

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Too late
it's like stuffing raw sausages into a kebab.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:55, Reply)

You're vile.

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:56, Reply)

:D

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:09, Reply)

'I got kidnapped by these guys talking about going balls deep. Sounds fun, right? Not always'

(

Lisette von Falcon, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:00, Reply)

My ex wanted to
but he never got round to it. Plus I'd imagine you'd have to do it in the bathroom to clean up properly.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:51, Reply)

Or perhaps
use some sort of groundsheet on the carpet.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:53, Reply)

Best thing to do is to coat your bed with clingfilm
this also prevents stains from farting.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:54, Reply)

I find that brown sheets
do the job on the flatulence front.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:55, Reply)

I've had sex in my bed at uni PRECISELY ONCE
sad fucking face.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:55, Reply)

I only just had sex for the first time in my own bed the other night.
I feel dirty sleeping in it now.
(

Lisette von Falcon, Fri 28 May 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Oh man you had sex!
Was it fun?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:02, Reply)

I'd been with the guy before, I don't think it should count
It was, but that bed....that's my childhood bed. I've had it since I was 15.
I need a new bed now.
(

Lisette von Falcon, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:04, Reply)

I've never had sex in my bed at home
had it once in the spare bed, as it's a double.

That was a good night :(
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:04, Reply)

I've only rarely had sex somewhere that wasn't my bed
or at least a bed that I was sleeping in
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:05, Reply)

I lost my viriginity in a hotel bed :/

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:06, Reply)

classy bird
was it a pay by the hour hotel?
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:06, Reply)

It was to someone I loved
No, he came up to see me and a gig.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:07, Reply)

aww
I feel bad for cheapening it now, sorry.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:14, Reply)

No problem
I find it amusing as to where it was- quite often our liaisons would be in hotels and stuff like that due to parents not knowing about him and living at opposite ends of the country.

He might be coming to uni in London next year. Keeping my fingers crossed. I enjoy his company greatly.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:17, Reply)

It was out back, they'd thrown the bed out.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:07, Reply)

nice

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:08, Reply)

think I lost mine in someone else's single bed
not sure why considering my house with my king size bed was just up the road.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:07, Reply)

I can go worse
I lost mine in a B&B in Bradford.
Topical.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:09, Reply)

I lost my virginity in a pick up truck
I even have a souvenir, the sticker he had to put on his truck from the NASCAR race the weekend before got stuck to my foot as I got out, all deflowered and shit.
Welllll classy.
(

Lisette von Falcon, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:09, Reply)

That's incredible
Best virginity story EVER
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:12, Reply)

I bled when I lost my V
The lass failed to inform me she likes it rough. I'm busy trying to make sure everything's going alright (1st time worries), and she throws me by asking me to slap her in the face.
I oblige (cos i'm scared she'll devour me otherwise), but obviously not hard enough. She shouts at me to hit her harder, so I slap her again, and she squeals in delight and rides me ragged, scratching the fuck out of my back in the process.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:15, Reply)

o_O
I have not been injured in sex. Apart from coming home with a massive lovebite, my mum mistaking it for hair dye on my neck, and trying to rub it off :/

I've had lovebitten earlobes too. Now THOSE were fun to get :D
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:19, Reply)

Never had a lovebite
Vehemently don't want one.
The other sex injury I've had was getting all entangled with one lady, then when she came she shuddered and locked up, and had me practically in a Figure Four Leg-lock, which hyperextended my knee and fucking CANED. No O for Lab that time.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:22, Reply)

more in common
lovebites are vile, and I'm glad I've never had or given one.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:24, Reply)

living in the white trash capitol of virginia, they're quite popular here
and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't gotten or given my fair share
however I now find that I hate them and whereas I like being bitten I hate people knowing about it
it's like they're judging you with their eyes
all "look at that SLUT!"
(

Lisette von Falcon, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Or just do it in the shower until you get used to it.

(Tugnut I got them all..., Fri 28 May 2010, 13:55, Reply)

Best put some newspaper down first.

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:15, Reply)

I've only agreed to it a couple of times
and both times I've started laughing immediately. I was worried I'd ruined the mood but he says he doesn't care by that point.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:01, Reply)

I bumped into one of my flatmates while having a fag
she looked at me, laughed and said "I didn't know hair could go that colour!"

Success?
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:03, Reply)

definitely
you've invented a new colour :D
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Bright orange.

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:06, Reply)

errrr...
I've had my hair orange before now, don't worry! Although it was part of a rainbow.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:07, Reply)

I'm quite enjoying it. My eyebrows are still quite dark thoguh

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:11, Reply)

I can understand that
Once you've reached the tickly bit it doesn't really matter where the jizz goes!
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:03, Reply)

fortunately my mrs laughed when I got her on the ear
it was her own fault, she turned her head at the wrong moment
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:04, Reply)

I once tried to trick Wiggy into jizzing all over his own belly
but he guessed what I was going to do and got me in the side of the neck. It went in my hair and everything :(
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:06, Reply)

you two are excellent
I'd be annoyed if my mrs did that. I'm quite hairy, and it'd be a bugger to clean up
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:07, Reply)

yeah, showers are such a pain.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:08, Reply)

more of a pain then not having one
when the only reason you need one is an avoidable jizz-covering
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:10, Reply)

Yeah, but don't you shower after sex?!

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:11, Reply)

I find it's better to shower before sex
Then I can do a proper gentleman's wash
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:12, Reply)

not always and not immediately
also, being in a stable loving relationship I don't feel dirty after sex, so don't feel the need that some of you might.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:12, Reply)

^^ this
Have sex last thing at night, fall asleep together, have shower when you wake up.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:13, Reply)

yeah
I always shower first thing anyway otherwise I don't wake up
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:14, Reply)

I tend to wake up first
It makes getting to the bathroom easier.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:15, Reply)

doesn't work for me
I've had to train myself to sleepwalk to the shower

I do occasionally wake up standing in a wardrobe, 2 hours late for work...
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:17, Reply)

I'm a morning person
But my other half is the opposite. I can wake up before the alarm, and be out of bed within seconds, but she takes about an hour.

But at the close of day, I'm falling asleep during the 10 o'clock news while she's still wide awake for hours.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:20, Reply)

sounds like our positions are reversed
my mrs is like you, and I'm like your mrs
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:23, Reply)

'm
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:24, Reply)

The two of you should clearly have sex

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:25, Reply)

WIFESWAP!

(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:25, Reply)

Same same
A shower is an essential part of my morning routine.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:16, Reply)

Yeah I can't be arsed showering afterwards
it would usually mean having to go to bed with wet hair.

And I might catch a cold, eh Al, eh?! *elbows again*
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:17, Reply)

Yeah, but if you get hot and sweaty and stuff like that...
I hate falling asleep when I'm like that.

Not that I sleep with people after I've shagged them :(
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:15, Reply)

You would if you were a bloke
It goes something like:

Ejaculate
Pull out
Turn over
Fart
Fall asleep

Within about 3 minutes. Unless I make a concerted effort to stay awake.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:18, Reply)

You forgot
"Maintain a low level of unconscious flatulence throughout the night, which you'll be told off for the following morning."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Very true
I sleepfart quite well, apparently. One of my mates first told me that when we shared a room in a youth hostel.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:22, Reply)

And this ^
It's all hormones and chemicals innit, makes us menfolk very sleepy after blastoff. Please keep that in mind when you suddenly want to talk about what Deborah said to you at work today.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:20, Reply)

I don't suffer from that
I don't sleep well, so even sex doesn't make me sleepy
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:21, Reply)

that's why you need a post-coital smoke
to all you to cool off.

also, I've got a water meter, if I had a shower after every time I had sex I'd be broke. KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

*looks around for someone to high five*
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:21, Reply)

Shut up and eat your croissant, there's a good boy

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:22, Reply)

I've not slept with a smoker
but I imagine post shag fags would be great
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:30, Reply)

they really are
even better is lying back with your shaggee and sparking a joint in bed.

bliss. no smoking in my house though :-(
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:31, Reply)

The person I'd most likely sleep with next if all goes well
doesn't think smoking suits me.

Then again, he's known me since I was 14 and innocent.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:34, Reply)

pfft
smoking suits everyone, as long as they look like they are comfortable holding a cigarette.

also, it makes you look cool
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:35, Reply)

Lots of people have said they don't like to see me smoke
As in, at least 10.

I still do.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:36, Reply)

why have they said that?
and did you tell them to find their damn business?

I've been told that smoking suits me. not that I really smoke cigarettes any more...
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:39, Reply)

I laughed and took another drag

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:41, Reply)

good girl :-)

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:42, Reply)

But kissing a lass who's just smoked
Is fucking GRIM.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:34, Reply)

never found that
even before I smoked
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:35, Reply)

It tasted how I imagine licking an ashtray would tase like.
Plus she was a bit of a minger, I was young and hadn't formed much in the way of standards by then.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:38, Reply)

Not always

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:12, Reply)

He usually has to pay first.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:12, Reply)

*identifies with Vipros's issue*

(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:08, Reply)

he has got a bit of a hairy belly so it would have been messy
but as it stood I was the one trying to detangle it out of my hair. It took a couple of shampoos to get it right again, jizz has the strangest qualities.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:16, Reply)

sounds like you deserved it though

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:17, Reply)

It was only revenge for when he jizzed on my belly
and then smushed it all around like a kid in paint.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:27, Reply)

I love doing that!
From a scientific point of view, of course. The rheological properties of jizz are quite interesting.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:28, Reply)

I don't understand how water makes it stickier
and harder to get off. WHAT THE HELL?!
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:31, Reply)

You have to emulsify it with soap to wash it off
It's designed to be sticky, so it hangs around inside your fanny long enough to let the tadpoles swim for the winning post.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:33, Reply)

I find even washing with soap leaves a slight film of it on the skin
I've been advised the best way is to tissue off the bulk of it (apologies for using the word bulk there) and then wash the skin with soap and a bath puff thing or sponge.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:35, Reply)

I find tears are the best for washing off semen
Especially the chunky, chewy bits.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:37, Reply)

oh ew Lab, just ew.

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:46, Reply)

Thought that might get that response

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:49, Reply)

Perhaps your bloke produces particularly tenacious jizz!

(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:39, Reply)

yeah it's like go web go shit.

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:46, Reply)

I'm totally going to Zorro my mrs

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:29, Reply)

hahaha

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Nowt wrong with it going on the belly
Most of the women I've been with have been of the "in me, not on me" mood.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:08, Reply)

I find that the most successful face/tit jizzings
are conducted when you've not had any for a while. If you can build up a week or two's worth, you get the full effect. Cleans out the sediment in the tank, as it were.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:07, Reply)

When it resembles watery milk
Rather than toothpaste.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:08, Reply)

Toothpaste?
My jizz is not abrasive, nor does it have red and blue stripes.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:10, Reply)

you should get that checked out by a healthcare professional

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:11, Reply)

I have to wring mine out by curling the end in

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:12, Reply)

Just so long as you don't squeeze it in the middle

(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:12, Reply)

No, I'm no heathen!

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:13, Reply)

that would be awesome
if it was toothpaste
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:30, Reply)

I think the world, at large, would be at peace if this were so

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:34, Reply)

I would love it if it tasted of whatever he had drunk
I'd have him on pineapple smoothies every day.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:36, Reply)

Or bacon butties?

(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:38, Reply)

If it worked the other way too
I'd make my lady drink orange and banana smoothies.

Vipros would probably forcefeed his good lady Fois Gras and Bollinger.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:40, Reply)

too fucking right
not bollinger though. 42 below or something
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:43, Reply)

I was struggling to think of posh drink

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:44, Reply)

I appreciate the sentiment
I'm not posh though.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:46, Reply)

No, you're like me
Only Southern, Stoner and Surfer.
And engaged too.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:47, Reply)

this is all true
my mate took some photos when we went surfing last weekend. I'm standing on the beach in my wetsuit in one looking like I'm having a spack attack of some kind...
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:08, Reply)

Might be an urban myth
But I thought pineapple made it taste sweeter?
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:39, Reply)

Not according to my girlfriend
We tried it and it made no difference.

We may need to repeat the experiment more often though, to get a statistically significant result. All in the name of science, you understand.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:41, Reply)

I was going to say, a sample of '2' would get laughed out of all the good journals

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:42, Reply)

and yet it is used in all makeup adverts

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:50, Reply)

and eating asparagus makes your piss smell bad
So you could eat loads or pineapple and aspargus. As the first load goes on your good lady will well up at your lovely gesture. Then as you rinse it off she'll laugh at the subtlety of your cunning comedic ruse.
(

djtrialprice, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:42, Reply)

I've heard that too but it doesn't seem to make a difference I don't think
I did notice a difference when he quit smoking though, so that was pleasant.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:45, Reply)

A lady's only tasted mine once, so don't have a lot to go on.

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:49, Reply)

start storing your samples
and then get a lady to do a blind taste test
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:51, Reply)

I have a lady, who doesn't wish to, and I respect that
But I might now throw some samples at blind people.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:56, Reply)

it's an odd thing
I've never been with a lady who hasn't been keen to gobble it down, not that I mind either way.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 28 May 2010, 15:06, Reply)

I am willing to bet actual cold hard cash that Oasis are worse than this band
Whoever the fuck they are
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Actually
- and I really hate to break this to you -

But Oasis are actually less objectionable.

Never thought I'd have to say that...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 28 May 2010, 14:18, Reply)

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