Creepy chat up techniques
Reading Amberl's post about her taxi driver's attempt to chat her up in the thread below reminded me of a few days back. I was in the queue to pay for some petrol and occupying myself by staring vacantly out of the window across the forecourt. Apparently I wasn't staring vacantly enough because a woman thought I was looking at her. She was driving across the forecourt and slowed down, staring back in at me. As she crept as across the tarmac in front of me she started gesturing at me, pointing around the corner, all the while her eyes boring into my skull. Apparently she misinterpreted my subsequent look of horror because she suddenly flashed a huge, toothy grin.

I'm sure she thought she was being coquettish and flirty, but I was left with the powerful impression that she wanted to feed on me and leave my body in a shallow grave.

What's the creepiest way that somebody's tried to chat you up?
( Kroney, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:21, 209 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

kiss me
no
kiss me
no
kiss me
no
kiss me
no
kiss me
no
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:23, Reply)

followed by
kiss me
yes
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:24, Reply)

yeah pretty much

(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Well you bloody looked like you were enjoying it.

( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:26, Reply)

It was a kiss they're not unpleasant
but it was that forced
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:28, Reply)

whatevah!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:31, Reply)

sorry what actually happend doesn't amuse you as much

(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:33, Reply)

you will be....

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:33, Reply)

your lies amuse me all the more though so keep it up

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:34, Reply)

lampito wont deny that

(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:35, Reply)

true, i said from the beginning i face-raped Rapey...

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:39, Reply)

Yo dawg, I heard you like rape...

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:42, Reply)

So we raped yo dawg

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:43, Reply)

brilliant

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:45, Reply)

You loved it.
I saw you grinning like a mong with a rusk afterward.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:36, Reply)

no you didn't you'd gone by then.
Isn't there enough bad stuff I'm actually guilty of to mock?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:37, Reply)

There's a lot, but I wouldn't say it's enough.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Oh you play coy
but that's not the way I heard it.
( Kroney, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:28, Reply)

it's times like this where i can't work out if i should give up drinking
or just drink for everyone's amusement.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:37, Reply)

I have that feeling
most nights after drinking
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:39, Reply)

Never give up!
Never surrender!
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:44, Reply)

was it you who looked at me sadly, shook his head and said
"alcohol is really not your friend, is it?"?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Fuck knows, I was hammered.
If I hadn't gone to dance it all off I'd have been properly sick.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:49, Reply)

You and BGB should be drunk together
This amuses me
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:55, Reply)

No means 'no' Chompy, sounds like peir pressure to me.
There are places in this world where mace spray would be involved.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:07, Reply)

the taxi driver one was quite weird
most attempts to chat me up are quite strange, I don't really attract normal people. I wonder if I give off a powerful aura of craziness
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:23, Reply)

When I was a barmaid some guy came up to the bar and said
"I really like the bracelet you're wearing, it looks nice", which I thought was nice so I said thanks. Then he went on to say "It takes the attention away from your top, which is really not that nice". I stopped thanking him.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:32, Reply)

"I have read The Game but I have not quite understood it."

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:39, Reply)

I called someone on that once
they went bright red
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:39, Reply)

Some friends of mine read it and gave it to me (when i was single)
It's an interesting read, I'd never try anything in it as I'm not sure it sits comfortably with me, but it means I can spot other guys who've read it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:41, Reply)

do you see guys using stuff from it often?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:42, Reply)

you see it in london all the time
one person tried it on a female friend of mine who'd read it. Her reply was "textbook" and she turned around he looked very upset.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:44, Reply)

haha, excellent

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:46, Reply)

I don't understand this,
what is everyone talking about?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:05, Reply)

www.amazon.co.uk/Game-Neil-Strauss/dp/1841957739
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:06, Reply)

The Game is a book about how to be a pick-up artist,
one of the favoured techniques involves complimenting something minor then subtly putting down something more significant to reduce self-esteem.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:08, Reply)

it didn't work
It made me short change him when he bought his next drink.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 17:33, Reply)

When I used to go out once or twice a week
I'd see it happen a fair bit. The friends I go drinking with are an even split of girls/guys, and i've seen a few supposed 'Pick Up Artists' crack on to my female mates (who could see right through them, thankfully).
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:47, Reply)

It's been tried once on me
and I've seen other men try and use it. It just creeps me out slightly.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:42, Reply)

That's because it's fucking sinister.
If you're busted using it, your chat-up line instantly becomes "Hi, I'm trying to trick you into sleeping with me."
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Never read it,
but it's not difficult to spot someone who has.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Never been chatted up, creepy or otherwise.

( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:25, Reply)

you're probably like me
and don't recognise it when it happens
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Perhaps. *shrugs*

( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:27, Reply)

I was standing in a queue at the local kebab shop
This large 50-something harridan turns to me and spots my tattoos, and then grabs my arm.
"I fookin' love tattoos, me. I've gorra tattoo of a strawberry on me arse, wanna add the cream?"

No. No I did not.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:28, Reply)

I just made a proper
'eurgh' face of horror at the screen then.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:33, Reply)

I left promptly, before being served
She put me off my kebab.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:35, Reply)

before after +ic
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:03, Reply)

Jajaja!
What a great line. I need a strawberry tattoo now.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Not sure about creepy
But the one that you lot will appreciate most was at a hard house night some years ago. Off my tits, obviously. Chatting to a random older lady at the bar, she concluded the conversation with "ooh, you're lovely... but you're gay, aren't you"

She munted, so I said yes
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:28, Reply)

she munted I am

too easy
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:31, Reply)

Morning Vippers
Original as ever I see
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:32, Reply)

got quite a lot of work on
originality is the first thing to suffer

morning. good weekend?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:32, Reply)

I love your sense of priority
Lots of work on, originality out the window, but plenty of time for insulting randoms on t'internet :-)

Yes thank you, surprisingly productive. I blame the weather. Yourself?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:38, Reply)

very unproductive
surprisingly, my band gave one of our best performances ever on friday (unlike england. ooo topical) I slept until 12:45 on saturday, then did almost bugger all. went for a surf yesterday. the water was absolutely glorious.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:40, Reply)

I was massively disinclined to do anything on Saturday on account of Friday night's result
But was left no choice. Still sporting flecks of paint. I have to tell you that playing a gig and going surfing on the weekend clashes completely with your current workload, long-established stereotype demands you currently be slouching on a bean-bag in front of the TV
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:48, Reply)

I know
I'm a walking conundrum.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:57, Reply)

undrum dom
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:59, Reply)

^GMIOTD
That's "Glorious Mental Image Of The Day", in case anyone wants to know
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:01, Reply)

When I worked for a school
A 15 year old student was drinking in the pub I was in and asked me to buy her a drink. I said "no" and she asked me to kiss her "I told her to leave" she told me that if I didn't buy her a drink she would get me fired. I called over the barman told them that she was 15 and she was removed. Next day I was physically dragged out of my office by her form tutor as she had remained true to her word to try and get me fired. Thankfully when I said "If you aren't going to tell the truth we could always check the CCTV in the pub" she sobbingly confessed that it was all a lie. I should have reported the dick who dragged me out though. He should really have reported me to the headmaster and it sorted properly.
( Peej, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Too many to mention
*comedy African accent* "Hello, I am Mo's nephew. I have squirreled away some money!" *expectant grin*

And I have had three separate raandom chatups on the steps of my house. The best one was a totally pissed Irish lad. In the end I said "Look Ciaran, go back to the car you appeared from behind so I can open my door without fear of you rushing in. If you're not a rapist or murderer, you'll do that for me." and he did, thanking me for the directions to his hotel and saying "Goodnight God bless".
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Dancing with you makes my cock like hard black pudding
In Spanish it's even creepiest.

I obviously stopped dancing with him inmediately.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:35, Reply)

this made me laugh
and a bit hungry.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:38, Reply)

All my friends pissed themselves laughing
I always got the silliests boys. Like that other one "I'm sorry, we can't have sex because you're in love with me" ... "OK, bye" ??
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:42, Reply)

one of my male friends tried to persuade me to sleep with him by saying
"but you've slept with all my friends..."
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:35, Reply)

HAHAHA!
A friend of mine said something similar to a girl we know. To be fair, she hadn't slept with me either, and I hate inequality.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:38, Reply)

I hadn't really slept with all his friends,
I dated his best friend for a year and after that I slept with two lads in about 6 months, both of whom were friends with him.

He got me back though by having sex on me when I was passed out on holiday in Spain though. I hate him.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Wait wait
On you? With another human being (i assume) on top of you? I kind of want to highfive him.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:42, Reply)

no, that would be much less offensive
the next day he was telling the lads he'd got some the night before with "some girl", whilst I was in my room with my friends sobbing about why it felt like I'd had sex but I didn't remember anything.

Stupid club with its stupid free drinks.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I assumed the same as Lab
doesn't seem to be the case. what a massive cuntbag.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:47, Reply)

I agree.
gigantic fucktard.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:48, Reply)

yeah he makes my skin crawl now when I think about it.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:49, Reply)

I'm not surprised

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Shit, what the fuck?!
I am seething right now. Stupid, fuck all I can do, but fucking angry,
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Having sex on you when you were passed out?
I'm not sure if I understand it. Sounds like rape.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:43, Reply)

well that's the thing, I don't think he would have done that
which makes me think that I was just really drunk and probably agreed to it. I honestly can't remember. He always used to try it on with me when I was drunk, but I was never drunk enough. I don't think he would have forced himself on me as such with me saying no, or being unconscious, so that makes me think that I just gave in. I don't remember anything though so I'll just call it lesson learned!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:47, Reply)

still sounds like rape to me

(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:49, Reply)

and you'd know

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:49, Reply)

And you'd know.

EDIT - Shit.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:51, Reply)

haha

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:55, Reply)

She doesn't know if she said yes, and we don't know if he was so drunk that her drunken yes just seemed like a sane yes
So whilst he's definitely a cunt, Kitty's saying he might NOT be a rapist.
She's giving him the benefit of the doubt instead of going "Oh he MUST have raped me!!!" like some mean people do, to cover their shame. This causes a bad attitude towards actual rape victims.
Kitty's being well fair here but possibly too hard on herself. Guess she'll never know.
Sorry such a vile thing happened, Kitzo.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:52, Reply)

^^This

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:54, Reply)

It's ok, it was years ago so I'm over it now.
You're right though Roota, I honestly don't think of him as A Rapist, even though I've known him to take the advantage when he can. It just wasn't worth it for what happened and I hate these girls who sleep with someone when they're drunk and then claim they were spiked and raped and blah blah blah, I think it's kind of insulting to people who are genuinely raped and it dilutes the seriousness of it. It's women crying false rape that make people question real rape and then it's harder to convict proper scum bags. This guy was just a horny loser who didn't care if I found him disgusting or not.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:55, Reply)

^This
Been in a similar situation.
Grey area. Not worth further hassle and humiliation.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:57, Reply)

yeah half of me didn't want to tell anyone
that he'd had his naked penis anywhere near me. Ick.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:03, Reply)

I suppose so,
but think how much shit it would have caused between me and my friends if I'd tried to pursue it. It probably wouldn't have got anywhere because by my own admission I don't remember anything and he would just claim that we were both drunk and it was consensual. Plus my friends said we went home from the club together (which I also don't remember) and that I didn't seem that drunk to them, so maybe he thought the same.

Bleurgh. Makes me feel queasy thinking about it, he's so revolting.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:52, Reply)

It's not worth bringing it up to make a point
so lets talk about monty, he was wearing a sleevless top to the pub, he looked like the "Rock one" of an early 90s boy band.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:55, Reply)

monty
sleeveless top

hahahahahaha
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:55, Reply)

I asked him for a gun show. He refused.
It was sad times.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:00, Reply)

poor show
I'd expect better from him. although my mental image of monty is not one of someone who could be expected to put on a respectable gun show anyway.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Musket show?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:07, Reply)

that reminded me of


O soldier, soldier, won't you marry me
With your musket fife and drum?
O no sweet maid I cannot marry you
For I have no coat to put on.
So up she went to her grandfather's chest
And she got him a coat of the very, very best
And the soldier put it on.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:10, Reply)

And fucked her over his drum

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:11, Reply)

Oh ya little fucker ye

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:12, Reply)

Labs..ruining kids' nursery rhymes since 2010

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:13, Reply)

Eye thang yew

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:22, Reply)

He looked cool and well you know it

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:56, Reply)

Is there a photo of this?
Was he not wearing an AC/DC tshirt, which is how I've always pictured him.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:57, Reply)

monty is fabulous.
i remember inspecting his septum
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:20, Reply)

I've never told anyone apart from my father
And I don't want to discuss it here, but once I took a similar decision, and I don't regret it. Sometimes, when you're not sure about what's going on, it's better to let it run and avoid making it more complicated.

Probably, you'd have got half of the world saying it was your fault, and the other half saying it was his, and all got a bad mess. Like this, it's just a bad night of not being sure of what happened.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:57, Reply)

I was a bit of a prick tease back then as well so a part of me thinks it was probably a bit my fault
I've learned since then that sex seems to be way more important to blokes than it does women, so women shouldn't hint that they're going to offer it if they're not really. I'm not justifying his actions but I'm not entirely blameless.

Also, he was one of a large group of friends so it would have caused no end of shit and probably caused fights in the group.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:00, Reply)

back then?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:07, Reply)

haha
I'm a one man woman now, I only tease Wiggy's prick.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:12, Reply)

that really does not sound good
he sounds like scum

Edit: if no matter how drunk you'd been before you'd still said no, I can't imagine you'd have changed your mind. Which means either you said no, or you were unconscious (and he'd have known already you had no intention of ever sleeping with him) so yes a creepy creepy person
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:49, Reply)

FFS!
He's a bastard if he did that, waiting for you to be so drunk that you couldn't say no.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:51, Reply)

That's fucking horrible.
I'd have him killed.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:52, Reply)

hopefully I gave him aids.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:53, Reply)

you almost certainly gave him face-aids
I've seen pics of you...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:54, Reply)

That was before my weight loss as well,
so he humped a whale.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:57, Reply)

I now have "Hobo Humping Slobo Babe" stuck in my head
I had forgotten about that until now.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:58, Reply)

OH MY GOD
I just remembered me and dj were drunkenly discussing music on Saturday and I said "I do hope Lab isn't the dj in the Krazyhouse who hadn't heard of Hobo Humping Slobo Babe that time. I'd be so let down" and he said "If he didn't have a mohican it wasn't him" and I said "Dunno, I was drunk, shocked and angry"
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:00, Reply)

Haha!
I never DJd the Kray, they were right arseholes about it when asked as well. I also didn't have a mo' when in Liverpool, I had bright blue dreads.
Very random though!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:02, Reply)

I thought you'd done a bit there
Did you do the Mardi though?

And I'm so glad it wasn't you. Oh, but they knew Limp Fucking Biskit didn't they eh!!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:04, Reply)

Nope, I only did my own cybergoth/industrial/powernoise night called Sanctuary
And played a little at a goth night in Manc, plus a one-off night there that I forget the name of, but it was massive.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Fair dooz
I thought you'd dabbled in the venues here.
And DJ'd as well, boom boom!!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Eyyyy ;)
We also pissed off the folk who run the Kray by putting up flyers for Sanctuary over town. Apparently they don't like competition, even though 90% of our crowd never went to the Kray on a Friday anyway.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:08, Reply)

nothing wrong with being an ex-fatty
however, being a fat bloke meant that I have no real answers to the question posed in the OP. I only really got together with people who had got to know how awesome I am, rather than going on appearance.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:58, Reply)

I was kidding, I've always been this thin
*smugs*
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:02, Reply)

LIES
I've seen the pic, and frankly, it's fucking vile.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:03, Reply)

haha
I might ask the guy who photoshopped me to do all my holiday snaps before I put them on facebook. That'll give you lot something to wank over.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:09, Reply)

That's libel
I am outraged that you imply that I, upon friending a girl, go hunting for the bikini pics.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:12, Reply)

can you honestly deny
that you haven't seen my bikini pics from my holiday in Shagaluf?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:29, Reply)

I admit I've scanned through most of your pics

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:34, Reply)

I knew it!
It's a shame I'm so unphotogenic, I look way less retarded in real life, honest.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:49, Reply)

Sure
And I bet you've gone through my pics looking for bikini shots. perve.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:54, Reply)

that's hurtful
you've opened me up to spill my insecurities and then you throw it back in my face.

you are worse than hitler with aids
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:05, Reply)

I'm sorry
You're beautiful now though and that's all that matters.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:09, Reply)

now though and that's all that matters. no matter what they say. Words can't bring you down.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:13, Reply)

If I ever meet Veepro
I'm going to sing that to him, whilst walking slowly towards him and making wild gesticulations about how powerful the song is. As I reach him, he'll start sobbing, we'll embrace, I'll pat him on the back as he sobs his pain away and it'll all be fine.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:15, Reply)

this is definitely going to happen

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:16, Reply)

I can't sing to be honest
so I've fallen at the first hurdle. I'll probably just high five you and then you can teach me how to surf.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:19, Reply)

that'll work too
I'm all about the high fives
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:20, Reply)

Talking of surfing
I'm up for giving it a go. What beaches do you go to, and do any do kit hire?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:26, Reply)

I tend to go to Saunton and Woolacombe
because I'm a longboarder. they are also massive and you can get away from the cunts.

you can hire stuff at or near both. most decent beaches have hire places nearby
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:28, Reply)

Did you have an instructor when you first started out
or did you just give it a bash and see what happened?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:30, Reply)

I used to bodyboard
could do a load of tricks and stuff, but a few of my mates surfed properly (they are the ones who are awesome now)

I didn't go for ages while I was at uni and started again when I started working, cos most of my office surf. had a shit time bodyboarding one day, and that coupled with my mate barry looking cool on his longboard made me take surfing up properly.

Even being shit at surfing is better than being good at bodyboarding.

I knew the principles of it, and knew about how waves worked and stuff, so just got into it. Lessons are only worthwhile if you can't go really regularly. It's all about catching as many waves as possible to learn how to do it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:34, Reply)

Thanks
I think I'll wait until I'm somewhere warm and beautiful, the likelihood of me catching decent waves in Manchester are slim.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:39, Reply)

Noted, thanks!
Was thinking of a weekend camping down in Devon with the missus.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:30, Reply)

let me know when and I'll come and meet you

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:31, Reply)

Awesome!
It's merely a pleasant thought at the mo, nothing planned, but will let you know.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:33, Reply)

"...I'm a longboarder"
That's some neat returning to the thread topic, there.
(Cave Duck, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:33, Reply)

Oh, great
You just called me slut, so yes, let's have sex.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Exactly. He's such a douchebag
I said "that's because your friends are fit" and left. I felt mean about it afterwards though.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:41, Reply)

You shouldn't feel mean
I'm sure he didn't. I'm sure he didn't even understand why you were upset.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:44, Reply)

yeah he's kind of a twat.
he used to cry on his female friends about how lonely he was in the hope that they'd pity fuck him.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:45, Reply)

He's not kind of a twat
He is a twat and a few worse words.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:52, Reply)

not creepy, but the most obnoxious.
"Nice arse love!" /grope

I was a tad shocked!
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:39, Reply)

When it happens to a bloke it's quite flattering
OK... When If
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:42, Reply)

it was slightly flattering,
and very shocking, since it was the first time anybody had openly hit on me (that I'd noticed!).
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:43, Reply)

Not always
I've had too many fat/minging women grab my arse. If a man does it to a girl, they get slapped (and rightfully so), but I can't backhand a woman, despite her really deserving it :p
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I didn't slap him,
I just laughed.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Not when it's because they thought you were a girl :(

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:45, Reply)

aww darl!
/chuckles.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Oh yeah, been there my friend
Accelerated my decision to cut my hair somewhat
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I was walking in front of a guy in a club and he put his hand up the back of my skirt
when I turned round to shout at him he just said "sorry, I slipped". My male friends fell about laughing so I couldn't really get angry.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:43, Reply)

One that might sound creepy
But I quite liked it:

"You like comic books? You're the perfect woman!"
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:48, Reply)

You like comic books?
You're the perfect woman!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:54, Reply)

like comic books are a woman
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:56, Reply)

You're like a forensic analyst
Never stopping until you reveal the truth.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:58, Reply)

that is my mission

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Hahahaha!
It worked on me that night. I felt very good about someone appreciating it instead of thinking I was a freak. Until that night I would only talk about my hobbies with my brother, as my friends would laugh at me.

This guy and I are still very good friends.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Mon 21 Jun 2010, 11:59, Reply)

god how long have you got?
i attract all manner of creeps. taxi drivers are the worst, because it is usually on the way home from work at about 2am. because what you really want is not bed or dinner or a bucket of vodka, no. it is to be asked out by someone 25 years older than you with 4 kids.

my friend sam made me laugh the other day. she is now a doctor and one of her mental health patients grabbed her bum and said:

"when you get fed up of all this love, i've got 2 grand squirrelled away. you can be my mistress."

bless him, that'd buy about 3 days of her company!!!!!!!!!!! (if she were the kind of girl who could be bought)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:15, Reply)

What is it with men inserting the word 'sqirreled' into chat-up lines?q
First me, now your mate.
I bet there are millions of cases of this.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:20, Reply)

I really really hope
That if/when I meet you I can remember to put 'squirrelled' into every thing I say to you. While throwing squirrels at you.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:24, Reply)

I fucking love squirrels as well
I squirrel things away too.
But telling me you have sqirrelled away some money is going to make me thing of Mo's nephew and his expectant grin. It was like Coming to America.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:29, Reply)

What about if I tell you I've
Squirrelled away some {insert Roota's favourite chocolate here}, in a nice quiet place by {insert Roota's favourite location here}?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:32, Reply)

Well, Milka Creme has just returned to the shelves...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:35, Reply)

it seems to be the word of the day
it is like "nice eyes". countless men say this. i presume what they really mean is "fuck, massive norks. but this way you might think i am more sensitive and am not just wondering how to bone you and then fuck off."
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:26, Reply)

Greek men always hiss something about eyes at you as they slope off with their books
thinking they've tenderised you nicely for the next encounter.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:30, Reply)

"thinking they've tenderised you nicely for the next encounter."
Haha! I love that!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:31, Reply)

maybe that is greek for "nice norks"?
my favourite greek guy story ever is my friend ali who was teaching english in greece for a year. she was shagging a greek guy and one night he rang for phone sex.

turned out the next day it hadn't been him. so she had phone sex with a completely random hissing greek stranger (most likely one of her teenage pupils as they were the only ones with the number). hilarious.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:33, Reply)

That made me get a red face and I don't even know her

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:42, Reply)

it is utterly horrendous
and as she didn't speak any greek, she had no idea if the whole class was laughing at her!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:44, Reply)

what's even worse
is when they get the colour of your eyes wrong as they do that sequence of events like 'what lovely blue eyes'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:32, Reply)

yeah
you have a lovely pair of...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:35, Reply)

*thinks desperately to fill in silence*
I reckon they just go for blue as the most likely answer
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:36, Reply)

i do quite like men with blue eyes though
it can be a very good look. piercing, like.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:39, Reply)

I didn't like blue eyes until 2008

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:42, Reply)

it's more about shape and intensity/sparkle
than colour i guess. but blue is generally a winner for me.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:45, Reply)

Yes
Brown eyes can't light up as much, even though they're lovely
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:47, Reply)

I have hazel eyes
Does that mean I'm handsome?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:49, Reply)

well you might have a face like a lizard, so I dunno

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:50, Reply)

We're friends on FB...
So you can see my real, non-lizard-y face.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:52, Reply)

I just looked
You'll do. Your lady is very pretty too.
She hasn't got Vip's mrs's jugs or nose, but she's a bobby dazzler all the same.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Oh she's a corker alright
And she has lovely norks, they make me feel molesty.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Oh that's lovely
I actually mean that
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:59, Reply)

I meant it in the nicest possible way
She is utterly beautiful.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 13:02, Reply)

I can't think who she reminds me of
but it's someone pretty so it's ok
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 13:03, Reply)

Good
She has a definite natural beauty to her.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 13:04, Reply)

awwww you're sweet

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 13:04, Reply)

there's nowt sweet about my intentions...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 13:05, Reply)

beast

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 13:09, Reply)

i am sure you are stunning
but it is all relative. oh wait, roota beat me to it!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:52, Reply)

I was expecting "Hurr, you're ugly" from my jovial fishing comment
Actually getting backhanded compliments is worse.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:53, Reply)

don't tend to get chatted up a lot
but i do get grabbed. One nasty one was when I was walking down oxford road. He looked about 17, he lunged and tackled me and tried to kiss me. I told him to fuck off and shrugged him off, he spat at me and called me a frigid bitch.
This was all in front of my mum :(
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:16, Reply)

is this the real story of friday night?!?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:25, Reply)

my mum AmberI's camera.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:27, Reply)

pretty much
am disappointed no-one else took any pictures, because mine were phone ones and therefore a bit rubbish
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:34, Reply)

Did no one else? That sucks.
Who else copped off?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:36, Reply)

I didn't.
I never do.
You'd better not let me down now that you've got my hopes up.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:40, Reply)

Oh I'm going to let you down hard
I don't kiss goblins.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:42, Reply)

:(

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 13:15, Reply)

I did

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:43, Reply)

I don't care about that, it's old news
Besides, I did too.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:45, Reply)

Hahah
I agree, our cops were no mean feat
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:46, Reply)

I took a few
Which I'll get around to uploading one of these days...
(bill, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:51, Reply)

*Bookmarks thread for future chatup usage*
Edit: real answer

You look just like one of my sons college friends, I've always had a thing for him.
(bill, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:56, Reply)

Rapey put his arm round me and said hi

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 12:57, Reply)

ZOMG
Are you ok?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 21 Jun 2010, 13:03, Reply)