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Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(

rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)

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I can't be bothered reading through the previous threads
Escpecially Foxtrots which seems especially gay.

Today I spent about 15 minutes wondering if the sentence "We have put your order on a euro pallet" should have read "an euro pallet" which follows gramatical rules but sounds worse than saying less people care about the fewer/less debate every day.
Monty I await your imput as you are the only person I can vaguely stand ranting about this kind of thing.

So if you're not Monty, and the chances are high, you can either do your best Monty impression (or anyone else for that matter, go nuts) or you can play the game "who cares" where you say something and we see if anyone cares
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 12:56, 232 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm so fucking tired.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 12:57, Reply)

I don't care

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 12:58, Reply)

seconded

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

Well I'm going to have tomato soup for lunch, do you care about that?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

No

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:02, Reply)

I can find a bbc link if you want?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

a bbc link of you eating soup?

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:04, Reply)

No unfortunatly not but how about a bbc news link about a soup factory?
www.bbc.co.uk/news/10223055
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:06, Reply)

I can't believe I clicked on that link

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:08, Reply)

Kind of a nice news story.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:09, Reply)

makes a change from broken britain
/daily mail
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:09, Reply)

I bet the immigrants will take all the jobs

(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:18, Reply)

That;s not a very exciting story
I was hoping for "MAN DROWNS IN SOUP - RECESSION FORCES COMPANY TO SELL IT ANYWAY"
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:09, Reply)

I'm sorry TGB,
I did just walk into a door, does that cheer you up.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:19, Reply)

Depends... did you hurt yourself?

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:21, Reply)

I banged my knee
but not seriously, it's possible that I'll develop a blood clot which will find it's way to my heart and kill me in the next 48 hours.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:22, Reply)

oh god that cheers me up so much
please gaz all future mishaps directly to me. Facebook me as well.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:22, Reply)

You can have the text conversation between me and Dr Preference before the pub if you want, it made me laugh.
Me: Can you keep an eye out for Monty, he's getting there before me and don't think he's met any of that lot before, he's from offtopic and looks like a roady on massive drugs, you'll probably be able to smell the lies.

Dr P: Right, so if I see anyone I don't know I call them a liar and ask them for drugs?

Me: Yeah, london style.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

that meeting at the pub sounds like it would have been good fun

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:33, Reply)

If only you had friends to go out to the pub with

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:33, Reply)

if only your friends didn't go to the pub that was inside your massive vagina
where you can't join them
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:40, Reply)

My ribs ached from laughing by the end of the night,
then this happened www.b3ta.com/talk/6886881
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:34, Reply)

you fool

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:40, Reply)

At least I didn't have to pay for the ticket on the way back or a taxi.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:42, Reply)

that's a bonus
I really need to sort out a trip up that way. it sounds like fun.

are you invited to the catfaceceilidhwedding?
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:44, Reply)

Yeah, but I'm not sure if I'm going to go.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:45, Reply)

worried about meeting me eh?

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:47, Reply)

No it's the cost that's the problem mainly
and the fact I may be busy, I'm not scared of anyone from here.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

I didn't think you would be scared
cost is what keeps me from getting up to London as well
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:53, Reply)

I don't even own an invite at all !
Oh noes !
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:54, Reply)

I looooove when bad things happen to you

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Wasn't that bad, had a bit of a wander round northampton.
Then saw a girl I kind of know doing the Train Ride of shame, we ignored each other.

Then got to walk through town at sunrise which was quite nice.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:54, Reply)

you mean she ignored you
no matter how much eye contact you tried to make, even when you pretended to drop your ticket at her feet so she would pick it up and you could break the ice, but no, she just looked coldly out of the window, shunning you back to the cold recesses of your train seat.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Are you going to put that literary vomit
into your little book of PsychoChomp fan fic?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:04, Reply)

hahaha
I'm totally going to start some fanfic
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:11, Reply)

that would be amazing
can I help?
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:13, Reply)

and me?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:21, Reply)

I'm going to pretend that Kitty said she's going to start pleasuring herself
and that your responses are as they stand.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:22, Reply)

don't post every little thing in your head
thanks.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:30, Reply)

don't post
thanks
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:37, Reply)

like a Round Robin

(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:25, Reply)

Who wants to start?

(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:34, Reply)

I will:
PsychoChomp like totally had sex and that and did loads of the kinky stuff and it was great and then the girl called him dull and then he killed himself because HE IS SHIT!

/what I'm expecting.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:55, Reply)

Kitty should start

(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:55, Reply)

Why I love wormulus
www.b3ta.com/talk/6879363
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:27, Reply)

that is a bit fantastic
but I bet me, Kitty and Applebite could do better, if less graphic
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:30, Reply)

"It's not kosher, Sexface, but you're going to eat it"

haha
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:33, Reply)

haha that is pretty funny

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:49, Reply)

Fuck
fell for that once again
(

whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:27, Reply)

I had chicken balti soup
it was excellent
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:02, Reply)

I didn't know such a thing existed...
I will look into this.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

it was in a kind of pouch thing
Bachelor's Express I think
www.mysupermarket.co.uk/sainsburys-price-comparison/Tinned_Soup/Batchelors_Express_Soupfulls_Chicken_Balti_300g.html?ShowSwitchSMBar=3

their other varieties are also good
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:05, Reply)

I am eating a pack of Quavers that somebody left on my desk.

(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 12:58, Reply)

I like the way you are all pretending not to care,
so just to answer that question you've resisted asking, yes it is a "grab bag" sized pack, not sure why that means it's bigger.
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:07, Reply)

I think it's because fat people grab at it quicker.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:08, Reply)

It;s because fat fingers can't pick up small items

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:09, Reply)

I bought a scrunchie today.
Shoot me please.
(

girlinthehole, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Is it so when you go back to the 80s you'll fit in?

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

No.
I just had a lapse of common sense again.

Please don't make me go back to the eighties.
(

girlinthehole, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:04, Reply)

If you buy legwarmers next I'll have no choice

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:04, Reply)

Shouldn't be a problem.
I never go into Topshop.
(

girlinthehole, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:09, Reply)

I have legwarmers
they're very useful for actual dancing.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:23, Reply)

Dancing back to the 80s?

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:28, Reply)

I don't think I would wear them outside of the dance studio
for that very reason. But they stop me bruising before I've warmed up properly.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:51, Reply)

I have a green velvet scrunchie
and I am also wearing leggings. You may shoot me
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:24, Reply)

hello amberl, i hear you're going to sonisphere
will you be camping?
(

weaver., Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:41, Reply)

I will indeed be camping
are you camping with a group/flag?
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:43, Reply)

not anymore :( the uni coach has been cancelled so i've got no-one to go with
could i camp somewhere near you? it's my first festival and i'm scared :(
(

weaver., Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:46, Reply)

aw
The best advice I can give is to camp with Camp Loner. Anybody going alone is welcome there. I know the people who run it and they are lovely. I am camping next door to Camp Loner (in Camp Cunt) so pop over and say hi (we're only a small group)

Here is the facebook group you need

www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/group.php?gid=104346664338&ref=ts

Edit: or if you aren't early entry, I can be part of your meet and greet if it'd makeyou feel better
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:56, Reply)

I'll be there too
if it helps
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:57, Reply)

You being anywhere never helps

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:34, Reply)

when are you going to admit that you love me?

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 15:01, Reply)

when she feels anything like love for you
don't be waiting up
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 15:02, Reply)

that was just unnecessarily mean

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 15:03, Reply)

I think its something to do with the Y sound
that you use "a"

The opposite happens with words like "honest" because of the "o" sound and people say "It was an honest mistake"
(

Peej, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

it's meant to be an hotel
EXPLAIN THAT EINSTEIN!
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:02, Reply)

because H is pronounced "aitch" which starts with a vowel

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

but the Ho sound isn't vowelly
so it should be a hotel

I blame the americans for not pronouncing the H at the beginning of herb
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:07, Reply)

finally someone who agrees with me about this and doesn't just call me a southern fairy

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:23, Reply)

agrees with which bit?
I was watching Mitchell and Webb last night, and they had a sketch where there was a meeting and the guy played by David Mitchell shot someone for saying "Haitch"
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:26, Reply)

I missed that as my friend came over
I do love mitchell and webb though.
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

it was a good one
worth watching on iplayer
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:31, Reply)

Well maybe I will do that tomorrow on my day off

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:32, Reply)

I can sympathise with Mitchell's character in that one
It's got to be riding high in my pantheon of most-hated mistakes...trying to work out whether "Haitch" (always said with that hideous, guttural gasp, like they're about to dry-retch the letter rather than spell the word for you) annoys me more than the less/fewer distinction and the pillocks who spell "losing" with two 'o's. Or the Americans who say "'erb" when they quite clearly mean a fucking herb.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:33, Reply)

he went on to shoot someone else
who said "pacifically"

unfortunately he had to end himself at the end of the sketch
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Jamaicans say 'erb too.
Why didn't you pick on them? Racist.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:42, Reply)

So do cockneys
The difference is the cockneys and Jamaicans always drop the 'h' from words. I don't know why the Americans just drop the 'h' from 'herb' - did they assume that the French invented herbs or something? If they want to sound continental, they could at least go the whole hog and say "herbe" (pronounced more like "aerbe"), or they could stop being so fucking pretentious.

Right, on balance, I should probably find a reason pick on cockneys and Jamaicans now...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Pick on both in one foul swoop.
Give Smiley Culture a vicious kick in his gold teeth.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:57, Reply)

I CAN'T UNDERSTAND A FUCKING WORD EITHER OF THESE DEGENERATE DEMOGRAPHICS EVER SAYS
Plus Cockneys are full of shit and Rastas tend to smell a bit funny.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Now that is a generalisation.
Not all Rastas smell.
On the other hand ALL Cockneys ARE full of shit.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:03, Reply)

I've had to come to terms with some of those
my mrs spells losing as loosing and sore as soar, among other things.

I have to bite my tongue
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:47, Reply)

YOU'VE GONE SOFT
If anything, you should bite the fingers wielding the pen or executing the erroneous keystrokes. It's the only way the bitch will learn.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:51, Reply)

it's a small price to pay for her otherwise all-round awesomeness

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)

IT'S THE THIN END OF THE WEDGE
Soon she'll start writing emails in "text speak" and then it's a short tumble down that slippery slope before she's a morbidly obese, tracksuit-clad, Elizabeth Duke-festooned Australopithecus with her hair scraped back into a bun to better reveal the forehead that keeps the rain off her toes as she cackles and grunts through a maw of grimy gold teeth that have become adept at biting the lids off bottles of blue WKD.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:55, Reply)

I'm fairly sure that won't happen

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:01, Reply)

I hope for your sake it doesn't.
Just keep an eye out for when she starts "loosing" it, and don't say I didn't warn* you...

*_{Wildly extrapolate and grossly exaggerate}
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:04, Reply)

I'd bite your tongue
wait, that's not sexy.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)

well, maybe a little bit

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)

yeah I was thinking that
but didn't want to scare you
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:12, Reply)

LOOK PSYCHOCHOMP I'M DOING IT AGAIN

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:12, Reply)

HARLOT (AGAIN)

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:13, Reply)

it's not harlotry if it's to you!

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:48, Reply)

It's less interesting than my kit kat.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:24, Reply)

Don't lie
Kit kats are almost as dull as you.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:35, Reply)

And still not as dull as kitty metaphorically lifting her tail around /offtopic.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:41, Reply)

it's just around Vipros
Psychomp (I can't be bothered typing your full name anymore) is just jealouses of the otherses with their competent social interactionses.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:49, Reply)

I don't moan about my group of friends every week.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:52, Reply)

*awaits explanation*
feel free to call me thick to cover your lame joke skillz
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:55, Reply)

It wasn't a joke it was a insult.
You're constantly moaning about some guy you hate but the other friends still invite him to the pub yada yada.
Then you moan about my social competance when you can't even ditch someone you don't like, that's lesson 2 of how to have a "competant" social life.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:58, Reply)

it is

(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)

It made my vowel 'ard.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:58, Reply)

I love aural sex

(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Urgh.
Waxy bell end!
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:04, Reply)

Really?
That sounds unlikely. In Enland at least we pronounce the aich on words like hotel so say "a hotel"
(

Peej, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:04, Reply)

you don't live in England
you live in Cornwall :-P
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:06, Reply)

True

(

Peej, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 15:32, Reply)

there's an easy way round the a/an debate when it starts with a vowel
which I may have got from here the other day, but may have got from somewhere else.

Just add "fucking" in front of it. A fucking euro pallet.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

^this^

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

I'm in a very bad/low mood today
and may end up weeping in the arms of an old friend I've not seen in about a year and who will be thoroughly unsympathetic, as he always is and as I like him to be.
And resisting texting someone, as I know I have nothing really to say, but I just want to talk to them.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

dooooooooooooooooooon't do it

(

Lisette von Falcon, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:05, Reply)

This!
Text me instead.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:07, Reply)

I like getting texts that are sent for no reason
so I think you should do it
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:06, Reply)

I texted him out of the blue on Monday...

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:18, Reply)

Send me an emo gaz.
I promise not to laugh much.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:06, Reply)

yeah don't do it.

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:24, Reply)

definitely don't
not worth the agonised wait for a response/worrying over the response
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:26, Reply)

I have a lot of catarrh
And a jabbing pain in my heart
(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:11, Reply)

Is that a pirate pussy?

(

girlinthehole, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:13, Reply)

That took me too long :(

(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:32, Reply)

I didn't get it until you posted this and I stared at it till my brain hurt

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Oh good

(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:34, Reply)

"It's probably indigestion. I'll soon take your mind off of that."

(

djtrialprice, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:22, Reply)

Got a severed head in your car, Darling?

(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:34, Reply)

loose lips and all that...

(

djtrialprice, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:37, Reply)

How dare you

(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Have you done the 'Geo Phys' you bald cunt?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Charming!

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:43, Reply)

OH MY SWEET ROOTA, MY HEART LONGS FOR YOU TOO !

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:58, Reply)

But what are we going to do about You know Who?

(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Well, the last film is going to be a two-parter, and I can't be arsed to read the books.
Sure, he got Dumbledoor, but I can't imagine Harry loosing.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:06, Reply)

I don't know about Potter :(

(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:16, Reply)

SPOILER ALERT
The joke is that Dumbledore is dead.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:56, Reply)

I'm awaiting word back from an important job interview
and can't stand the tension. I'm a bit worried that I'm depending too much on this one.
(

whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:11, Reply)

I think you should start penning an angry letter
saying how fucking stupid they are for not hiring you. Then if you do get it you can throw it away and if you don't you have a letter you can send them. Also it will kill some time
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:17, Reply)

Or maybe they will initially deny me
so I'll send the letter. But then they'll phone back and say they made a mistake and I got the job. And then I can get myself in various hilarious japes trying to stop the letter being delivered.
(

whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:18, Reply)

I'll film it and then neither of us will have to work again after all the millions we make from our
"Hillarious! Must See" Paul Ross, Daily Mirror

film
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:20, Reply)

ok I just had to stop writing something retarded
because I was interrupted by a phone call.

I GOT THE FUCKING JOB. IN YOUR FACE JESUS.
(

whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Don't care
but I do a little congrats
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:27, Reply)

*wipes jizz from cheek*

(

Captain V, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:27, Reply)

you'll have lovely clear skin
after that
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:28, Reply)

Not with my sour, foul semen
Acidic.
(

whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

I always try to convince little girls
like Captain Catface of that too. Hit rate is about 50/50.
(

djtrialprice, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

luckily
I have clear skin already. So it'd never work
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:35, Reply)

It'll soften your beard too.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:39, Reply)

even better
moisturised and perfect ready for me to hit the road
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:42, Reply)

I'm not getting in your truck again

(

djtrialprice, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:45, Reply)

you don't have a choice
sorry. I need company on these long lonely trips, and I've heard you're up for Xtreme Endurance Trucking
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I like trucking and I like to truck.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:53, Reply)

reminds me of the kissogram
in Ferris Bueller
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:22, Reply)

ha Not The 9 O'Clock News FTW

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:57, Reply)

You misunderstand
I never listen to whether they're convinced or not, I just go ahead and try to do it regardless. The 50/50 hit rate depends mainly on how quickly they are physically and mentally.
(

djtrialprice, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:41, Reply)

loose lips and all that

(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Congratulations.
Now write the letter anyway.
(

djtrialprice, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:27, Reply)

awesome
congratulations!
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:50, Reply)

"Ooooh Monty, you're ever so impressive. Please have a go on my boobs."
Wait, it was an impression of Monty you were after, not one of TGB talking to Monty.
(

djtrialprice, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:21, Reply)

GrumblegrumblegrumbleMASSIVE DRUGSgrumblegrumble
I HATE BOWIEgrumblegrumbleGRAMMAR IS IMPORTANTgrumblegrumble
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Clear winnnnnah!

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Is your vowel hard or soft?
Depends on how the word is pronounced and not on how it is written. If you spell the word using the phonetic alphabet and it starts with a vowel - use 'an'. If it doesn't as in 'Euro' (which would start with a phonetic 'j') please use 'a'.
I think.
Edit. Sorry - I was supposed to respond as Monty, please add a gratuitous 'cunt' or two into the mix.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

If your vowel is hard I'm calling the police

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:31, Reply)

Carol Vorderman? Is that you?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:34, Reply)

you shat carol vorderman?
Dear lord!
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:38, Reply)

She works it out with a pencil

(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:41, Reply)

Or a shovel.
I bet her 'bomb doors' are roomy.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:46, Reply)

Teacher at my old school has been arrested for indecent images
Fucking hell
(

Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Is that one of you in a skirt?

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:46, Reply)

~~one of .... in a skirt?~~
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:49, Reply)

it's perverted but hardly indecent
My old Scout Leader was found guilty of noncing. In court and everything.
(

djtrialprice, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Well, that's just asking for trouble,
if you will nonce in full view of a court...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Nah
Just a bit of a shock, second time this year a teacher from the school has been in trouble. First one was a female accused of having sex with a pupil. I think it took the jury half an hour to let her off
(

Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:13, Reply)

l g
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:31, Reply)

Check out the munter in this article
she's an 'aspiring model'

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1294662/Boyfriend-held-death-aspiring-glamour-model-Gran-Canaria-holiday.html
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:55, Reply)

She could model gimp masks

(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:58, Reply)

I think in this case the phrase 'glamour model'...
...means she appeared in 'Dogging Site Bukake 27'.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Yeah her face would look much better covered, even if it is in spunk
but she's dead now so it doesn't matter.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:08, Reply)

Porn is one of the few industries where death...
...need not be the end to a career.
I am sure there is a niche market to be exploited,
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:13, Reply)

That photo must have been taken after she was savegly beaten.
murdered girl not very atractive lolz
(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Do you know what the worst thing is?
If she was one of us lot, I reckon she would be quite nice, or at least, I wouldn't comment on her looks. But because she's a 'aspiring glammer model', I think "Oh god, what a hiddous creature, look at her eyes and her lips, she's fucking orange, her lips are actually a lighter shade than her skin. Christ, what a fucking monster, the guy who done her in probably had resonable cause.".

I find 'glamor models' a real big turn off, I don't know anything about _her_ personailty, but every glamor model I've seen on the telly and stuff have fuck all going on upstairs, and I find that a huge turn-off.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:05, Reply)

apparently Katy Price was one of her influences
no shit sherlock.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Katy Price has a lot to awnser for.
Fucking hate Katie Price, worst human being on the right side of legal on the planet.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:10, Reply)

'right side of legal '?
Over 16?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:14, Reply)

As in, she ain't murdered anyone, defrauded at most.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:15, Reply)

Is this "glamour model" culture one of the root causes of the problems pervading our society at the moment?
I think we should stem the tide and counteract it by employing TGB and Monty as Grammar Models.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:19, Reply)

I like the concept...
...but fear that if you start whistling you are the King of Bumders.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:32, Reply)

*whistles*

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:44, Reply)

I rest my case M'lud....
He admits it. A bumder is a bumder by any other name.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 15:11, Reply)

no, she's actually hideous

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:09, Reply)

she looks like that guy out of the Devil's Rejects

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:10, Reply)

She looks like gollum in a wig

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:25, Reply)

SHE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE ME YOU BASTARD

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:39, Reply)

hahaha

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:45, Reply)

Let's say some girl on here you like, looked like that, would you turn her down because she looked like that?

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:11, Reply)

I hate to say it
but yes, that girl totally repulses me
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:15, Reply)

I donno, if it turned out that [insert any female b3tan here who wants free cheap'n'easy panda] looks like that, I wouldn't think "eww, disgusting".
Not saying I think she's fit, but take away the stupid make up and she's got potential to look good, it's the glamour-girl personailty that has made her dress like that, and I'm taking that element away.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:18, Reply)

that's true
might look ok without the makeup. If she had a good personality then I'd give her a chance to remove all that and then see.

I'm fond of Kitty after all...
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:21, Reply)

oh that's it,
I'm not biting your tongue or touching your wood now. I'm going to touch your tongue and bite your wood.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:52, Reply)

I was beginning to think you hadn't noticed
I'd rather you didn't bite my wood.

I mentioned having a meeting to review something to someone in the office this morning. I was at the urinal a couple of minutes ago, and he came in, also to use a urinal and said "I need to have a look at your thing" I had to enquire whether he was talking about work...
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:57, Reply)

*sings*
"Gonz loves dead glamour girl, Gonz loves dead glamour girl'
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Yes.
Next question?
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:17, Reply)

I'd probably slip her a gaz

(PsychoChomp, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:18, Reply)

Yep.
Her vile orange, botoxed face is like the Antiviagara.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:20, Reply)

I'm also laughing at this headline
"Mother gets the all-clear from breast cancer... then drowns in freak car accident as she drives home to tell her husband"

and now I feel bad.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:10, Reply)

Ha!
EXCLUSIVE: LADY DIES AFTER NOT DYING SHOCK.
(Colonel Santiago Introduced surprised kitty to the world., Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:27, Reply)

I just thought the irony was too cruel to not be amusing
apparently I'm 'sick' according to colleagues. What do they know.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:53, Reply)

Oh jesus christ, she looks like something from Labyinth.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Oh fucking hell
I've just realised what she reminds me of, and it's one of the Black-and-White Minstrels.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:27, Reply)

I'll do an impression of Monty doing an impression of YOU.
MNNNNRRRERERERERERERHGHGHGHEHREREGHGHEHERHEHHERHEMREMRMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMN
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Now, ladies and gentlemen, I shall do an impression of Monty doing and impression of me.
Hello, my name is gonz, I am such a fabulous young man, it's just an absolute crime that I'm still stuck on the shelf.

...wait, that sounds sarcastic, Monty is _not_ being sarcastic when he says that
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:00, Reply)

Depends on the industry you're in
If you work for Royal Mail or ParcelForce, for example, in order to be grammatically correct it should read "we may have put your order somewhere. We're not sure, and to be honest we don't give a shit. We're required to tell you that you'll receive the goods tomorrow but that's obviously bollocks. We are horribly inept. But our grammar is excellent."
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:06, Reply)

You know what, I just realised, I didn't even read the origional thread, just saw some stuff about monty.
I didn't even read your one past the words 'in order to be grammatically...', which pointed me out to the point I didn't read the first one.

I'm sure you'll all find that fascinating.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:13, Reply)

I certainly do

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:14, Reply)

That is probably the most abstract response to any of my posts, ever
Good work sir
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:21, Reply)

watermelon

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Should have gone with "wibble"
Then stuck pens up your nose
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:27, Reply)

+ i
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:33, Reply)

Up his noise?

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:35, Reply)

Now stop that.
You know damn well where to put it.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:50, Reply)

I actually like what Vipros said
and I do not say that often
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:35, Reply)

You're just saying that to spite me
I'm on to you
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:36, Reply)

pisswibble

(

Lisette von Falcon, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:36, Reply)

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