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( , Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Escpecially Foxtrots which seems especially gay.
Today I spent about 15 minutes wondering if the sentence "We have put your order on a euro pallet" should have read "an euro pallet" which follows gramatical rules but sounds worse than saying less people care about the fewer/less debate every day.
Monty I await your imput as you are the only person I can vaguely stand ranting about this kind of thing.
So if you're not Monty, and the chances are high, you can either do your best Monty impression (or anyone else for that matter, go nuts) or you can play the game "who cares" where you say something and we see if anyone cares
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 12:56, 232 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

www.bbc.co.uk/news/10223055
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:06, Reply)

I was hoping for "MAN DROWNS IN SOUP - RECESSION FORCES COMPANY TO SELL IT ANYWAY"
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:09, Reply)

I did just walk into a door, does that cheer you up.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:19, Reply)

but not seriously, it's possible that I'll develop a blood clot which will find it's way to my heart and kill me in the next 48 hours.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:22, Reply)

please gaz all future mishaps directly to me. Facebook me as well.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:22, Reply)

Me: Can you keep an eye out for Monty, he's getting there before me and don't think he's met any of that lot before, he's from offtopic and looks like a roady on massive drugs, you'll probably be able to smell the lies.
Dr P: Right, so if I see anyone I don't know I call them a liar and ask them for drugs?
Me: Yeah, london style.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

where you can't join them
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:40, Reply)

then this happened www.b3ta.com/talk/6886881
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:34, Reply)

( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:42, Reply)

I really need to sort out a trip up that way. it sounds like fun.
are you invited to the catfaceceilidhwedding?
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:44, Reply)

and the fact I may be busy, I'm not scared of anyone from here.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

cost is what keeps me from getting up to London as well
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:53, Reply)

Then saw a girl I kind of know doing the Train Ride of shame, we ignored each other.
Then got to walk through town at sunrise which was quite nice.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:54, Reply)

no matter how much eye contact you tried to make, even when you pretended to drop your ticket at her feet so she would pick it up and you could break the ice, but no, she just looked coldly out of the window, shunning you back to the cold recesses of your train seat.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:01, Reply)

into your little book of PsychoChomp fan fic?
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:04, Reply)

and that your responses are as they stand.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:22, Reply)

PsychoChomp like totally had sex and that and did loads of the kinky stuff and it was great and then the girl called him dull and then he killed himself because HE IS SHIT!
/what I'm expecting.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:55, Reply)

but I bet me, Kitty and Applebite could do better, if less graphic
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Bachelor's Express I think
www.mysupermarket.co.uk/sainsburys-price-comparison/Tinned_Soup/Batchelors_Express_Soupfulls_Chicken_Balti_300g.html?ShowSwitchSMBar=3
their other varieties are also good
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:05, Reply)

so just to answer that question you've resisted asking, yes it is a "grab bag" sized pack, not sure why that means it's bigger.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:07, Reply)

I just had a lapse of common sense again.
Please don't make me go back to the eighties.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:04, Reply)

for that very reason. But they stop me bruising before I've warmed up properly.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:51, Reply)

and I am also wearing leggings. You may shoot me
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:24, Reply)

will you be camping?
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:41, Reply)

could i camp somewhere near you? it's my first festival and i'm scared :(
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:46, Reply)

The best advice I can give is to camp with Camp Loner. Anybody going alone is welcome there. I know the people who run it and they are lovely. I am camping next door to Camp Loner (in Camp Cunt) so pop over and say hi (we're only a small group)
Here is the facebook group you need
www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/group.php?gid=104346664338&ref=ts
Edit: or if you aren't early entry, I can be part of your meet and greet if it'd makeyou feel better
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:56, Reply)

that you use "a"
The opposite happens with words like "honest" because of the "o" sound and people say "It was an honest mistake"
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

so it should be a hotel
I blame the americans for not pronouncing the H at the beginning of herb
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:07, Reply)

( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:23, Reply)

I was watching Mitchell and Webb last night, and they had a sketch where there was a meeting and the guy played by David Mitchell shot someone for saying "Haitch"
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:26, Reply)

I do love mitchell and webb though.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

It's got to be riding high in my pantheon of most-hated mistakes...trying to work out whether "Haitch" (always said with that hideous, guttural gasp, like they're about to dry-retch the letter rather than spell the word for you) annoys me more than the less/fewer distinction and the pillocks who spell "losing" with two 'o's. Or the Americans who say "'erb" when they quite clearly mean a fucking herb.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:33, Reply)

who said "pacifically"
unfortunately he had to end himself at the end of the sketch
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:39, Reply)

The difference is the cockneys and Jamaicans always drop the 'h' from words. I don't know why the Americans just drop the 'h' from 'herb' - did they assume that the French invented herbs or something? If they want to sound continental, they could at least go the whole hog and say "herbe" (pronounced more like "aerbe"), or they could stop being so fucking pretentious.
Right, on balance, I should probably find a reason pick on cockneys and Jamaicans now...
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Give Smiley Culture a vicious kick in his gold teeth.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:57, Reply)

Plus Cockneys are full of shit and Rastas tend to smell a bit funny.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Not all Rastas smell.
On the other hand ALL Cockneys ARE full of shit.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:03, Reply)

my mrs spells losing as loosing and sore as soar, among other things.
I have to bite my tongue
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:47, Reply)

If anything, you should bite the fingers wielding the pen or executing the erroneous keystrokes. It's the only way the bitch will learn.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:51, Reply)

( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Soon she'll start writing emails in "text speak" and then it's a short tumble down that slippery slope before she's a morbidly obese, tracksuit-clad, Elizabeth Duke-festooned Australopithecus with her hair scraped back into a bun to better reveal the forehead that keeps the rain off her toes as she cackles and grunts through a maw of grimy gold teeth that have become adept at biting the lids off bottles of blue WKD.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:55, Reply)

Just keep an eye out for when she starts "loosing" it, and don't say I didn't warn* you...
*Wildly extrapolate and grossly exaggerate
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:04, Reply)

( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:41, Reply)

Psychomp (I can't be bothered typing your full name anymore) is just jealouses of the otherses with their competent social interactionses.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:49, Reply)

feel free to call me thick to cover your lame joke skillz
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:55, Reply)

You're constantly moaning about some guy you hate but the other friends still invite him to the pub yada yada.
Then you moan about my social competance when you can't even ditch someone you don't like, that's lesson 2 of how to have a "competant" social life.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:58, Reply)

That sounds unlikely. In Enland at least we pronounce the aich on words like hotel so say "a hotel"
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:04, Reply)

which I may have got from here the other day, but may have got from somewhere else.
Just add "fucking" in front of it. A fucking euro pallet.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:01, Reply)

and may end up weeping in the arms of an old friend I've not seen in about a year and who will be thoroughly unsympathetic, as he always is and as I like him to be.
And resisting texting someone, as I know I have nothing really to say, but I just want to talk to them.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:03, Reply)

so I think you should do it
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:06, Reply)

not worth the agonised wait for a response/worrying over the response
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:26, Reply)

( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:33, Reply)

( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:22, Reply)

Sure, he got Dumbledoor, but I can't imagine Harry loosing.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:06, Reply)

and can't stand the tension. I'm a bit worried that I'm depending too much on this one.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:11, Reply)

saying how fucking stupid they are for not hiring you. Then if you do get it you can throw it away and if you don't you have a letter you can send them. Also it will kill some time
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:17, Reply)

so I'll send the letter. But then they'll phone back and say they made a mistake and I got the job. And then I can get myself in various hilarious japes trying to stop the letter being delivered.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:18, Reply)

"Hillarious! Must See" Paul Ross, Daily Mirror
film
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:20, Reply)

because I was interrupted by a phone call.
I GOT THE FUCKING JOB. IN YOUR FACE JESUS.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:25, Reply)

like Captain Catface of that too. Hit rate is about 50/50.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

sorry. I need company on these long lonely trips, and I've heard you're up for Xtreme Endurance Trucking
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I never listen to whether they're convinced or not, I just go ahead and try to do it regardless. The 50/50 hit rate depends mainly on how quickly they are physically and mentally.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:41, Reply)

Wait, it was an impression of Monty you were after, not one of TGB talking to Monty.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:21, Reply)

I HATE BOWIEgrumblegrumbleGRAMMAR IS IMPORTANTgrumblegrumble
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Depends on how the word is pronounced and not on how it is written. If you spell the word using the phonetic alphabet and it starts with a vowel - use 'an'. If it doesn't as in 'Euro' (which would start with a phonetic 'j') please use 'a'.
I think.
Edit. Sorry - I was supposed to respond as Monty, please add a gratuitous 'cunt' or two into the mix.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Fucking hell
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:43, Reply)

My old Scout Leader was found guilty of noncing. In court and everything.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:50, Reply)

if you will nonce in full view of a court...
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:52, Reply)

Just a bit of a shock, second time this year a teacher from the school has been in trouble. First one was a female accused of having sex with a pupil. I think it took the jury half an hour to let her off
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:13, Reply)

she's an 'aspiring model'
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1294662/Boyfriend-held-death-aspiring-glamour-model-Gran-Canaria-holiday.html
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:55, Reply)

...means she appeared in 'Dogging Site Bukake 27'.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:01, Reply)

but she's dead now so it doesn't matter.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:08, Reply)

...need not be the end to a career.
I am sure there is a niche market to be exploited,
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:13, Reply)

murdered girl not very atractive lolz
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:02, Reply)

If she was one of us lot, I reckon she would be quite nice, or at least, I wouldn't comment on her looks. But because she's a 'aspiring glammer model', I think "Oh god, what a hiddous creature, look at her eyes and her lips, she's fucking orange, her lips are actually a lighter shade than her skin. Christ, what a fucking monster, the guy who done her in probably had resonable cause.".
I find 'glamor models' a real big turn off, I don't know anything about _her_ personailty, but every glamor model I've seen on the telly and stuff have fuck all going on upstairs, and I find that a huge turn-off.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:05, Reply)

no shit sherlock.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Fucking hate Katie Price, worst human being on the right side of legal on the planet.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:10, Reply)

I think we should stem the tide and counteract it by employing TGB and Monty as Grammar Models.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:19, Reply)

...but fear that if you start whistling you are the King of Bumders.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:32, Reply)

He admits it. A bumder is a bumder by any other name.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 15:11, Reply)

( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:11, Reply)

Not saying I think she's fit, but take away the stupid make up and she's got potential to look good, it's the glamour-girl personailty that has made her dress like that, and I'm taking that element away.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:18, Reply)

might look ok without the makeup. If she had a good personality then I'd give her a chance to remove all that and then see.
I'm fond of Kitty after all...
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:21, Reply)

I'm not biting your tongue or touching your wood now. I'm going to touch your tongue and bite your wood.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:52, Reply)

I'd rather you didn't bite my wood.
I mentioned having a meeting to review something to someone in the office this morning. I was at the urinal a couple of minutes ago, and he came in, also to use a urinal and said "I need to have a look at your thing" I had to enquire whether he was talking about work...
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:57, Reply)

"Gonz loves dead glamour girl, Gonz loves dead glamour girl'
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:22, Reply)

"Mother gets the all-clear from breast cancer... then drowns in freak car accident as she drives home to tell her husband"
and now I feel bad.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:10, Reply)

apparently I'm 'sick' according to colleagues. What do they know.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:53, Reply)

I've just realised what she reminds me of, and it's one of the Black-and-White Minstrels.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:27, Reply)

MNNNNRRRERERERERERERHGHGHGHEHREREGHGHEHERHEHHERHEMREMRMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMNMN
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:59, Reply)

Hello, my name is gonz, I am such a fabulous young man, it's just an absolute crime that I'm still stuck on the shelf.
...wait, that sounds sarcastic, Monty is _not_ being sarcastic when he says that
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:00, Reply)

If you work for Royal Mail or ParcelForce, for example, in order to be grammatically correct it should read "we may have put your order somewhere. We're not sure, and to be honest we don't give a shit. We're required to tell you that you'll receive the goods tomorrow but that's obviously bollocks. We are horribly inept. But our grammar is excellent."
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:06, Reply)

I didn't even read your one past the words 'in order to be grammatically...', which pointed me out to the point I didn't read the first one.
I'm sure you'll all find that fascinating.
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:13, Reply)

Good work sir
( , Thu 15 Jul 2010, 14:21, Reply)
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