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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Wiggy has abandoned me in London town for four days
so I'm going to make toffee apple crumble tonight and eat it all over the next three days. He'll never know.

What do you do when the cat's away?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:08, 253 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
Invite the gang round for a game
After a few thimbles it gets lairy
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:12, Reply)
hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:13, Reply)
Theres a cadbury dairy milk toffe apple ltd edition on sale at the moment. It's epic
When home alone it is pretty much naked time all the time. The trick is to have a pair of shorts near the front door incase of unexpected visitors.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:12, Reply)
I realised that my neighbours can see me as I walk from the bathroom to the bedroom
because I walk past the spare room window. Belm.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:14, Reply)
have you ever been tempted to give him a show?
opposite my place there is an older woman (prob 40's) who shows me her greying bush at least twice a week before work.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:16, Reply)
nothing like a pre-work wank

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:19, Reply)
The thing is I only see her bottom half
She has a weird bathroom windown that is frosted on the top half and clear on the bottom. I would be keen to see her funbags.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:22, Reply)
just be glad you can't see them from the bottom window

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:48, Reply)
read that as pre-wank wank
and I still nodded to myself...
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:26, Reply)
how does that even work?

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:28, Reply)
you think to yourself
"I'm going to have a wank a bit later, best have a wank to get me prepared"
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:34, Reply)
The Wank Plan
sounds like an unconventional exercise regime
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:35, Reply)
Strength Through Joy

(Cave Duck, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:44, Reply)
hehehehehe

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:50, Reply)
no not really
he looks like Sting
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:22, Reply)
get up, get stoned
eat fry up
smoke weed
play loud music
smoke weed
record loud music while smoking weed
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:12, Reply)
ooh dangermouse

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:14, Reply)
^So much this it's untrue
but naked

Edit - no recording music, but do play my drums (not often naked)
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:15, Reply)
guitars are generally too cold
to play while naked
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:18, Reply)
heated guitar cover
dragons den it.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:34, Reply)
I couldn't go on Dragon's Den without punching Deborah Meaden in the face
and most of the others in fact.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:37, Reply)
I love Duncan Banatyne
Ahm oot!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:49, Reply)
Terry Ollis used to drum naked all the time.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:42, Reply)
are you sure it wasn't like a newsreader
where you can't really tell but always suspect
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:49, Reply)
well I have no cat
so i spend the whole time on B3TA or sewing. Sometimes I sleep. I'm dead interesting, me
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:13, Reply)
I did that all last night
I spread all my sewing out in the living room and enjoyed not being told off for it.

Then I ate my ready meal straight out of the plastic dish it comes in and I wore my knee high socks in bed, it was great.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:15, Reply)
Good work, there
I like to eat rice pudding straight from the can, although it's not quite as much fun when noone berates you for it :(
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:16, Reply)
The smugness did wear off after a bit
so I might leave the apple crumble dish lying around so he knows I've been bad.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:23, Reply)
you're in so much trouble
when I get home!
(wiggy5 3 goats and a midget, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 15:01, Reply)
My cat is never away
He's only ever left the house to visit his vet.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:14, Reply)
Wait, you're in london, abandoned by yourself?
NAMCO CENTRE !!!!!
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:14, Reply)
no, HE'S in London
he sent me a picture of the Hummingbird Bakery yesterday, bastard.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:16, Reply)
I have the cookbook
Can't find tinned pumpkin though :( and have never been to the real place...
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:42, Reply)
some of those recipes are a bit gay
like the lavender one. What's that about?!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:49, Reply)
usually drink and mess up the place
the cat [aka landlord/roomate/friend] will be away next week
not sure how I'm going to handle this
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:16, Reply)
oh snap, it has just occurred to me that I will have to take care of her cats :/
bastards
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:19, Reply)
I have to look after my sister's weasel (again not a euphamism)
for a week. Wiggy hates him.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:24, Reply)
Hahaha
You live in a Carry On film aicmfp
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:28, Reply)
whats his name

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:33, Reply)
she calls him Murphy
I call him I M Weasel
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:34, Reply)
my friend had a beta fish named mastah
the sibling of my dog is named Jezebel but answers to "you little ho-bag"
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:42, Reply)
My whippet answers to spastic
She's not clever.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:50, Reply)
Wiggy

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:34, Reply)
haha

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:50, Reply)
Shit with the door open

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:17, Reply)
You do that anyway

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:17, Reply)
Only if I'm feeling generous

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:24, Reply)
this ^^

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:18, Reply)
eww you're a girl
girls don't shit.

stop letting the side down!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:24, Reply)
yeah, obviously I don't shit
but if I was a boy and in on my own I would totally shit with the door open, that's what I meant

did i get away with that?
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:25, Reply)
safe
they didn't notice.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:35, Reply)
we do
because we can!
(wiggy5 3 goats and a midget, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 15:01, Reply)
My housemate moved out last week
So far all I've done is drink and watch films/tv
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:18, Reply)
+ Masturbate furiously in his old room.

(I helped save b3ta! Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:21, Reply)
oi oi

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:22, Reply)
Don't see the point tbh
All the porn is on my pc, in my room
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:26, Reply)
you could run between the rooms
refreshing the porn but getting the main event over on his bed.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:35, Reply)
playing All By Myself on the stereo
and crying?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:25, Reply)
Live like I do at uni.
Walk round naked, eat in my room, loud music, ridiculously long showers.

I've juts been informed I won't have internet for the next few days. I'm panicking.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:20, Reply)
It seems
that walking round naked is a popular pastime. This should be encouraged.
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:25, Reply)
It's fun.
I can recommend it to anyone
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:38, Reply)
I know
I do it myself, when it's warm enough!
(I helped save b3ta! K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:43, Reply)
No internet isn't that bad
Although I say that sitting in my comfy bedroom with lovely wi-fi. Lovely, lovely wi-fi. I didn't have the internet for three months until last Thursday, apart from having to pleasure myself to terrestrial television (you'll be surprised how much Eamonn Holmes can turn you on when you're desperate) I was alright.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:27, Reply)
You should meet up with that merkin who's going to be in manchester this week.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:22, Reply)
I would but I don't know him
he might be a weirdo. Or not a weirdo, which might be worse because then he'll think I'm a weirdo.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:25, Reply)
Just make sure you meet him on your own in a secluded place
Make sure you don't tell anyone where you're going and leave your phone at home. wouldn't hurt to take some massive drink/drugs combination to get over your nerves.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:26, Reply)
you seem to know a lot about this Rapey

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:36, Reply)
I just really really want you dead.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:39, Reply)
if you want a job doing well...

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:43, Reply)
Ladies and gentleman, someone so desperate for attention
they're encourage people they've never met online to kill them.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:46, Reply)
You do have a Ted Bundy-esque look to you
you'd probably do something creepy like strangle me whilst feverishly repeating "I don't fancy you, I don't fancy you" to try and make yourself believe it.

If you can't have me, no one will eh?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:52, Reply)
I don't want you, read the sig.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:53, Reply)
yes, yes I get it
you really don't fancy me(!)
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:55, Reply)
I don't, get over it.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:57, Reply)
jebus, calm down, I'm only messin

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:05, Reply)
Remember the merkin who said they were going to Liverpool in August
and asked how to chat me up?
I'm out of the Liverpool for about a third of August anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:27, Reply)
I do remember a bit about that,
it's sweet that he thinks he has to actually "chat up" a scouser.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:32, Reply)
I know
A can of Skol would have done it
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:34, Reply)
A romatic trip out shoplifting in a stolen metro
romantic chicken kebab.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:40, Reply)
I don't do kebabs

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:41, Reply)
snob

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:42, Reply)
Nah
I'll eat bhajis
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:43, Reply)
You just need to waive a pound coin in front of their eyes

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:43, Reply)
I live on my own
so pretty much whatever I like, whenever I like. Sadly this really isn't as exciting as it could potentially be.
(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:24, Reply)
yes it is!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:25, Reply)
Nah
I'm incredibly dull. I do wander about naked a lot though.
(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:27, Reply)
I love it
I can sing and dance and dress up and eat weird things and talk to the cat and watch what I like.
I used to love being able to come home at all hours in dreadful states too, but I've not been to fussed on that since last year really.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:32, Reply)
I miss not being able to eat disgusting combinations of things without being judged
like Snickers spread straight out of the jar.

Or the mix for flapjack, uncooked, from a cup.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:37, Reply)
Butter icing out of a mug

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:39, Reply)
there should be a restaurant which sells this stuff

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:41, Reply)
I know

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:41, Reply)
I'm on it
Kitty's Raw Ingredients Shop
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:43, Reply)
"I'd like one spoon's worth of cake mix as a starter
then the butter icing and glace cherries for a main please"

"pudding?"

"no, thanks, I'm on a diet"
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:46, Reply)
Yes!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:47, Reply)
Butter icing!
When I was in my teens I used to wait until my parents had gone out then I'd mix up a mug full of the stuff and watch The Muppets.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:51, Reply)
You are me
AICMMOBI
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:52, Reply)
I was going to bring cupcakes to the london bash
so maybe I'll just not cook half of them for you guys
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:56, Reply)
Oh man
that would be ace.
Me and my nephew still fight over the cake mix.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:57, Reply)
suddenly I am tempted to
go all the way to London to meet strangers
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:01, Reply)
Hahaha!
but MOBI? Mum's Old Black Inkpen?
Man Of Big Irises?
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:57, Reply)
MUG OF BUTTER ICING!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:58, Reply)
*clang*
that's the sound of the giant penny dropping in the empty pit of my brain.
I did originally type brian and actually that's how I like to think of my brain - as a brian. Perhaps like Brian Cant. What a wonderful man.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:02, Reply)
pee ell ay why...

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:14, Reply)
*sings along*
*Floella Benjamins*
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:18, Reply)

"They've had Cant conformism since nineteen sixty six
Now subversion's in the air, in the shape of flying bricks"

Trumpton Riots - Half Man Half Biscuit.

I love the image of Brian Cant being the benign dictator of Trumpton and Candlewick Green
(Cave Duck, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:20, Reply)
I was surprised
when he turned out to be a philosopher of some note
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:22, Reply)
wasn't that Immanuel Kant?
oh damn. now I have the philosophers drinking song in my head. that's there for a week now.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:31, Reply)
that was the 'hilarious' joke
thanks a fucking bunch, you've made me look like a tit now
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:35, Reply)
I did wonder if I'd missed a joke
but thought I'd plough on regardless

I apologise
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:37, Reply)
haha

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:37, Reply)
there is nothing wrong with either of these recipes

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:40, Reply)
I didn't realise how much I had changed since living with someone for 2 years
I lived along for 4 years and loved it, but last night I didn't know what to do with myself. I accidentally stayed up really late because I didn't have someone saying it's bedtime. And this morning I crept awround for about 20 minutes before I remembered I could stomp around and make loads of noise if I wanted.

I went to the supermarket and it was well scary. I've forgotten how to look after myself.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:27, Reply)
I've lived on my own
for nearly 10 years now. I was all up for moving in with the bloke when I had to find a new place just before Christmas, but he didn't want to, and the more I think about it now the more I'm incredibly unsure about co-habiting.
(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:29, Reply)
Initially I was, the first guy I let move in with me used my flat to sleep with loads of women
but Wiggy moved in without me noticing, so it was a gradual adjustment. Plus he loves cooking, so bonus.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:38, Reply)
Oh man!
I know exactly what you mean. It's only thanks to gmail talk that I remember it's night time (especially during college holidays). I've only just got the hang of supermarkets again, and still only sometimes
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:32, Reply)
I couldn't find golden syrup because I always think it's on the cooking aisle when it's not
and I realised last night that whenever I look for it on the cooking aisle he belms at me and goes and gets it from some mysterious place and that I don't know where that place was.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:39, Reply)
Yeah, it's a special place where only blokes are allowed.
You've got the vote and are allowed to wear trousers, control of Golden Syrup supplies is the only thing we've got left.
(Cave Duck, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:06, Reply)
YAY I totally got one over on the system
I had porridge and golden syrup for lunch which I totally bought for myself! go me!

wait, that could just mean I look manish enough to get into the department
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:08, Reply)
they probably overheard you talking about having a shit
and were all "she can't be a girl, they don't do that"
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:10, Reply)
if it means getting golden syrup
I'm breaking cover
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:12, Reply)
I eat peanut m&m's
And sing very loudly.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:27, Reply)
I only sing in the car
and only when no other cars are around because it's really funny seeing people singing their faces off on the motorway when you overtake them. I saw one guy proper thrashing out some steering wheel drums once as well.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:28, Reply)
I do that all the time
In fact I have to stop myself singing/drumming when I have my ipod on. I look like a mentalist otherwise
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:30, Reply)
Me too
It's always funny scaring the shit out of joggers by cycling up behind them singing when it's dark though.
(berk, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:31, Reply)
I jump out of my skin on a daily basis
if someone is in the lift when the doors open it always scares the bejesus out of me.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:41, Reply)
I'm like that
if someone opens a door that I'm about to open it scares the hell out of me, and yet I'm pretty hard to sneak up on.

I can walk noisily into a room, say something, and my mrs will still jump when she notices me
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:55, Reply)
haha
I was drying my hair with the hairdryer and djtp came in and said hi and I did a 50s B-movie scream.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:56, Reply)
Wiggy was waiting outside the bathroom for me the other morning
and he'd even struck a big comedy bear claw type pose and was going 'grrr' and I still jumped and screamed.

Although once when he was in the shower he was washing the shampoo out so he had his eyes closed, so I snuck in and pressed my face up to the glass with my hair over my eyes like the bird from the Ring. He screamed higher than I've ever managed, slapped the glass and jumped backwards. I lolled hard
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:58, Reply)
I just lolled

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:59, Reply)
hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:01, Reply)
excellent

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:04, Reply)
I've got him twice with this trick
TWICE.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:06, Reply)
I just lolled
whilst on a conference call =/
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:09, Reply)
:D

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:38, Reply)
Is this just an abuse Wiggy thread?
:?
(wiggy5 3 goats and a midget, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 15:04, Reply)
haha
I had Eddie Izzard's Glorious on my MP3 player but when it was on shuffle, little bits would pop up in between songs and one of them was the bees skit and I started laughing as I walked past a load of chavs, I was well scared.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:41, Reply)
Is this 'Eddie fucking Izzard Day' or something?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:49, Reply)
I like him
miserable!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:58, Reply)
it's like he's punching a baboon

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:55, Reply)
mmmmm peanuts

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:34, Reply)
Eat roast lamb, masturbate, drink too much cider & enjoy having the whole bed to myself
These do not necessarily happen simultaneously.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:35, Reply)
I don't like having the whole bed to myself
because Wiggy's my radiator and I get cold without him. Although it was nice sleeping diagonally without waking up to find I've been moved.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:42, Reply)
Whilst I do miss my gf when she's away I don't miss her trying to steal all of the bed.
She is going away to the states at the end of next week. 10 whole nights of full mattress occupancy! Can't wait!
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:49, Reply)
My cat will be permanently away in about a fortnight :((((((((
I'll let you know what I get up to.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:43, Reply)
I'm allergic to cats
so it will be the perfect time to have me round for dinner
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:45, Reply)
What sort of food do you most like to eat?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:47, Reply)
MANFLESH

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:49, Reply)

FLESH milk
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:51, Reply)
*glares*

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:58, Reply)
*cries*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:01, Reply)
Sad times

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:47, Reply)
Very much so. I shall be most lonely.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:48, Reply)
You could ring up my cat and watch tv while he ignores you?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:51, Reply)
I don't have his number.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:52, Reply)
It's fur fur fur fur fur fur
five
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:54, Reply)
oh god that made me laugh

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:07, Reply)
Glad you liked it it ;)

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:08, Reply)
Sorry to hear that
how old is he/she?
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:54, Reply)
Seven.
He's moving to the country for his health, I know it's the right thing to do but am most sad nonetheless.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:57, Reply)
My lad is seven

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:58, Reply)
Get a new one.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:02, Reply)
Nah. It's not fair on them.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:10, Reply)
I thought you were having him put down
Going to the country is much nicer (unless it's a euphemism)
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:02, Reply)
My rat 'went to the country'
last week. Sad times.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:07, Reply)
It's always sad when a pet dies
it's why I wont have anymore once my chicken carks it
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:10, Reply)
I had hamsters
those fellas really don't live long enough, but I really miss having pets now, it's only a matter of time before I give in
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:11, Reply)
Yeah, hamsters die too quickly for my liking

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:14, Reply)
especially with what you do to them
for shame
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:38, Reply)
I want sugar gliders next
they're like little bushbabies crossed with flying squirrels, they're fucking amazing!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:14, Reply)
oh! I've seen those guys
it would be so cool to have a room full of flying hamstersquirrel things
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:19, Reply)
and it would be an excuse to get dwarf lemon trees
for my tiny gin twists
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:39, Reply)
I want chickens
but only when I live in Australia so I can call them chooks.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:14, Reply)
They are a massive pain in the arse
and chicken shit STINKS
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:16, Reply)
my parents ones don't seem to smell
and they have 8
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:25, Reply)
You just don't notice it because all of Devon smells of poo
and custard
and old people
and waistcoats
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:34, Reply)
it does often smell near my parents place it is true
stupid farmers

it'd be awesome if it smelt like custard.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:36, Reply)
He really is moving to the country.
He's massively obese and has never killed anything in his life bar my furniture, because he doesn't go outside. I've seen two dead cats just by my house in the past year or two (one of whom looked just like my cat Benny) so I'm glad he's a 'house cat' but I feel guilty about his quality of life so I am 'letting him go'.

Not happy.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:09, Reply)
I once pulled my car over to see if I could help a run over cat
It was already dead, but a woman drove past and I saw her mouth "You bastard!" at me.

It wasnt me! It was the one armed man...
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:12, Reply)
I stopped the traffic to save a comedy scouser wig once

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:13, Reply)
Was it attached to a comedy scouser?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:14, Reply)
No
I thought it was a curly cat
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:15, Reply)
Do all the moggies have perms in Liverpool?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:17, Reply)
Nope
they have flick-knives
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:18, Reply)
you are ace

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:17, Reply)
I'm retarded is what I am

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:18, Reply)
Did you put it on, turn to the irate motorists you stopped and say;
"Calm down, calm down" like wot Harry Enfield used to do?
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:18, Reply)
I was almost in tears!!
This poor permed cat, cut down in its prime, and now they're about to drive over it for good measure. I wasn't going to have that.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:19, Reply)
I reckon he'll be home before you.
Cats are remarkable creatures. He's probably got his own Oyster card that you don't know about.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:14, Reply)
Sorry to hear that.
I have 4 cats & would be gutted to be without them, even though one of them shat on the carpet this morning.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:50, Reply)
Sit around in pjs and watch maury
oh wait, my housemate is here. At least she likes maury too...
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:46, Reply)
I read that as
'Sit around in piss and watch maury'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:48, Reply)
Maury causes uncontrolable urination.
How are you doing honey?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:53, Reply)
Fair to middling, is how I am.
You?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:55, Reply)
I'm fair to decent
Moved onto buffy the vampire slayer. I also have a pipe.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:15, Reply)
Pipe: pot, crack, normal tobacco or -bomb?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:17, Reply)
Tobacco
Crack is on one of my three nevers, remember :p I'm using Gold Leaf. I'm a classy bird.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:28, Reply)
do you like rough shag?
/tobaccololz
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:29, Reply)
Not in my pipe I don't

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:33, Reply)
ummm
good
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:35, Reply)
Is that Balamaury?

(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:51, Reply)
A 15 year old boy IS THE FATHER

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:06, Reply)
Classic Maury
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ta-FGE7QELQ
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 16:54, Reply)
I like to eat breakfast while reading the paper
and watch tv all day, then eat ice cream or popcorn or cake in front of more tv.

On my own I'd become a huge fat slob who had her finger on the pulse of contemporary culture.

It's only living with people that stops me from ballooning to GMTVesque size.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:00, Reply)
that's a growing (ha!) concern of mine
the more cupcakes I make for other people, the more cake mix I ingest. I made brownies for Wiggy at the weekend but he went away yesterday so I've eaten like 9.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:09, Reply)
Ever since Nugget #2 was diagnosed with T1 diabetes
I've stopped baking because I'd eat it ALL.

I'm a greedy cow when no one is looking.
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:21, Reply)
I am too
My dad sometimes catches me dipping buttered bread in the tayter fat
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:22, Reply)
never get between me and leftover gravy

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:24, Reply)
Fuck off
Me and Nana will have it before you even move.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:26, Reply)
Hahaha!
We must have been separated at birth!
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:24, Reply)
It's looking that way, sis...

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:26, Reply)
*boik*

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:28, Reply)
Nom, you soft cow

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:29, Reply)
i'm just not northern enough to handle that shit
although I did used to have 'dip butties' when I was a kid, when you basically wipe up bacon fat with bread and eat it with tomato sauce
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:31, Reply)
Hold the sauce
I still do that
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:32, Reply)
My brother
used to eat out of skips when he was a squatter. He once ate bread sandwiches (where the filling was a different kind of bread), and his mate used to eat salt sandwiches.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:35, Reply)
Good God...

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:37, Reply)
Have I ever told you about 'wok bread'?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:38, Reply)
That sounds nice

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:39, Reply)
Oh it really is.
Fill a wok with oil, warm it- no need to wait until it's hot - dunk bread in it, season with salt, eat.

A classic recipe from my brother's mate who once bought a huge sack of sprouts in the post-Xmas markdowns, and lived for several weeks on sprout curry, sprout fritters etc. He once cycled from North London to Greenwich because he'd had a tipoff that there was a place being knocked down where he could get some free lightbulbs. About 4 hours' round trip.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:45, Reply)
Hahahahahaahahah

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:46, Reply)
They're gross


He should stick to quavers.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:43, Reply)
I got a bit pissed and ate 6 rashers of bacon last night. Oh dear.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:30, Reply)
Raw?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:31, Reply)
Proper LOL, good one

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:33, Reply)
I've been stupidly good with food the last few months
Mainly because I had no money and had to resort to stealing oxtail soup from Tesco.
Last night I got indoors and ate three pizzas and garlic bread. I feel bloody disgusting and am not going to eat at all today. Take that appetite you arsehole.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:42, Reply)
if you're going to steal
why would you steal that?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:49, Reply)
I didn't just nick that.
It's just it was the easiest and I'm lazy. We went through a period of about two weeks in our house where we had sirloin steaks for lunch and dinner every day. Took a bit more effort though. To steal and eat.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:51, Reply)
Wiggy makes me french toast
and even though it's eggy fried sugaryness I still have to spread a really thick layer of butter on it so it melts. I also go through a jar of mayonnaise a fortnight.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:40, Reply)
butter on eggy bread is just wrong

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:43, Reply)
Butter on everything is good

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:44, Reply)
^this
so much this.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:47, Reply)
Right now I'm craving pasta with butter and pine nuts

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:47, Reply)
I'm craving french toast!
and butter.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:48, Reply)
Whilst in Newcastle
I ate Lurpack straight from the pot with a spoon. Bad times.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:49, Reply)
that actually makes me feel a little bit sick

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:49, Reply)
I don't even like butter that much.
Never, ever use it. That was a bleak time for me.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:52, Reply)
When I make cheesecake
I always double the amount of butter and digestives for the base because I know I'll pick at it until there's not enough left.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 18:21, Reply)
I dunno girls
Eggy bread is perfect as is. I will try a slight layer of butter and report back. I do butter bread before cheese on toast though.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:54, Reply)
I hope you are going to leave your body to the RSPB when you die.
It will feed a family of tits for a whole year.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:46, Reply)
I have a family of tits :(

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:46, Reply)
I've only got a couple of little ones

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:47, Reply)
Mine are ALL little

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:48, Reply)
Great or Blue?
Fnar fnar.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:47, Reply)
did you hear about the guy who started a dating service just so he could have sex with seabirds?
He had a couple of good shags then took a tern for the worse
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:48, Reply)
That made me proper LOL
None of this sniggering or tittering but and out and out proper LOL!
(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:55, Reply)
On the day that my metabolism fucks off for better working conditions
I will be spherical.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:48, Reply)
I only ever do savoury eggy bread
how does sugar get involved?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 18:24, Reply)
It seems to be the difference between french toast and proper eggy bread.
You can also stick maple syrup on it. Sounds crepey to me.
(I helped save b3ta! Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 20:55, Reply)
When the cats are away I wash their bowls.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:40, Reply)
I like this

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:41, Reply)
And their mittens?

(I helped save b3ta! chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 17:55, Reply)
AOL
(Aww, out loud)
(Cave Duck, Wed 28 Jul 2010, 18:01, Reply)
Oh yes he will
:|
(wiggy5 3 goats and a midget, Thu 29 Jul 2010, 14:59, Reply)

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