Lunchtime thread
I am mostly eating cold pizza, drinking orange squash and watching SSN transfer deadline. What are you consuming for lunch?

Alt Q: Any lunch time errands you have to do today?

Alt Alt Q: Buy lunch or make your own?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:07, 222 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am eating air
I may go to the shop and buy a million chocolate bars.

Also you suck
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:08, Reply)

I know I know
I will grow on you though, like athletes foot.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:09, Reply)

I need to go to the post-office
To send back a mobile phone upgrade I was sent. The phone is shit.

I'll get some lunch when I'm on my way back.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:08, Reply)

Has chompy got his phone yet?
I dunno why I'm asking you really... what phone did you get?

I hope it was the bottom phone on here
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:09, Reply)

A Sony something or other.
It was dogs-eggs - so it's going back.

I now get to choose another phone (once they confirm receipt of the returned one) - but I don't know what to get.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:12, Reply)

just to annoy TGB
Iphone, It's not amazing but I like it.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:14, Reply)

No.
They want money for an iPhone and seeing as there any number of other phones I could get for nowt, I'm not shelling out any more money.

iPhone = Powered by smug.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:15, Reply)

Yeah', but it's not like Virpos, it's smug for a reason, it's smug because it's awesome.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:49, Reply)

Is it really that awesome though?
At the end of the day, it's just a phone isn't it?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:53, Reply)

and an ipod and a gps and everything up to and including butt plug

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:00, Reply)

Is a bentley awesome? It's just a car.
Is a machallin star resturant awesome? It's just a resturant.
Is winning the lottery awesome? It's just money.

....etc.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:03, Reply)

Your point?
Car gets from A to B
Restaurant? Well, it all goes towards making a turd.
Lottery? (err, I've not got any clever answer to that).

Okay - if I win the lottery. I'll get an iPhone. But it won't be awesome.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:14, Reply)

But some things in life are nicer than others.
I'd hate to go the grave knowing I've got loads of money in my bank account but never experianced anything 'nice'.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:25, Reply)

fuck you
I have many reasons to be smug
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:01, Reply)

oo
I have a question, too. If I were to go crazy and buy an e-reader, which one should I get?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:16, Reply)

Seeing as I can't work a mobile phone
I'm not the person to ask about an e-reader.

I'm still quite happy with books.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:17, Reply)

i like books, I have bloody hundreds
but it's a gadget and it lightens my bag and I reckon I could use one to read essays and things on, too.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:19, Reply)

it seems to be common consensus that the Kindle is the best one
I want to get one but I has no monies. I was going to get the classic books 'game' for my DS but I think it's too small to comfortably read on.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:24, Reply)

it works all right
my brothers got that game, and it's suprisingly easy to rea on DSLite (is that the same thing?)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:30, Reply)

hmm
and that one has a thing to tell you how to cook, right?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:32, Reply)

aye
there's also a fitness instructor one
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:43, Reply)

If you're looking at being able to read essays and stuff,
might be worth making sure you get one that can handle pdfs. Just sayin'.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:46, Reply)

oh yeah
I am a div. To be fair, I'm not sure I really can afford one right now. It's more about which one to covert
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:49, Reply)

aye that's the one I've got
I might get it for hols then, it's pretty cheap.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:43, Reply)

hmm
I was leaning towards sony as you can use a memory stick and read PDFs and .DOCs free. Not sure on the Kindle. Also, the interwebs access on them both is badly explained anywhere
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:30, Reply)

The Sony I had was a Satio
Or something. It's like Sony built a camera and then tried to put a phone on the back of it.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)

yeah, their SLRs are a bit pants, too
It's like they don't quite get the whole human interface thing
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Yeah. Sony. The shower of cunts.
Fuck 'em.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:41, Reply)

Using the webs on them is a really awful experiance.
If you got the budget for it, I'd go for an iPad.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:51, Reply)

I cannot ever buy an ipad
without eating more of my own words than I can fit in my prodigious belly
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:53, Reply)

*Double clicks 'prodigious' (to highlight it), press Cmd+C, Cmd+Space, Enter*
Oh, that's what that means.

I think my one is great, it's a fantastic gizmo.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:02, Reply)

yeah that's what's stopping me
and the ridiculous price of course. And the fact that I drop technology in toilets.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:08, Reply)

Pepsi Max
and some M&S salsa tortillas. I am a fat mess
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:09, Reply)

Love it.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:10, Reply)

not so much
I ate a massive pizza about an hour ago

now THAT is elevensies
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:11, Reply)

I can't manage a whole pizza
even the idea daunts me. I applaud gluttony in all shapes and forms however, and might waddle off to make myself a sandwich
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:16, Reply)

I was camping all weekend
this is my excuse. Also, pizza is teh yum
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:16, Reply)

I have an amazing capability to eat pizza.
I may have been a mutant turtle at some point in my life.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:17, Reply)

cowabunga!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:18, Reply)

I always think I can eat a whole one
then when I order it in a restauraunt I can only ever eat a third or a half. I fail at Mutant Ninja Turtle status
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:18, Reply)

I always feel I could eat another half one
we should totally date
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:19, Reply)

clean plates all round!

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:24, Reply)

I would also like to come
And I insist we dress as turtles but only if I can be Raphael.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:26, Reply)

I'll be Leonardo

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:27, Reply)

I never watched it
but I like the name Michelangelo
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)

he is a party dude

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)

We just need a Donatello and we're sorted
We need a geeky IT nerd who can do some ninja?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)

oddly
I know a programmer with a black belt in ninjitsu. He'll do
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)

and that way Bobby will have someone to go home with

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:38, Reply)

has he got freckles?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:45, Reply)

I'm sure you
could paint some on
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:45, Reply)

I'm going to say yes
regardless of the truth
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:47, Reply)

I am in!
Heroes in a half shell, turtle power.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:48, Reply)

I have to eat mine in installments
I only have a little belly bag.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:25, Reply)

You know how snakes unhinge their jaws to eat?
I can turn off the "You're full" thing on my stomach. That's why I'm fat*.

*+one of many reasons
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)

I have it, I just choose to ignore it sometimes
although I am consumed by guilt so I exercise until I have deemed myself suitably punished.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:44, Reply)

I usually make my own because I'm skint
today is jacket potato with reduced-because-it's-out-of-date coronation chicken. It's riskylicious.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:13, Reply)

I like
the word riskylicious.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:15, Reply)

sounds sexy

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:18, Reply)

and that's what I am babe.
riskylicious and sexy. Awww yeah.

I probably have coronation chicken somewhere on my face by now.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:26, Reply)

worst thing about having a beard is
if you want to eat anything 'saucy' you have to constantly check you're not smearing shit over your face.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:27, Reply)

you are eating at the wrong hole

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:28, Reply)

To perfect my tactical puking skill
I can now vomit at will by thinking about licking a shitty toilet bowl. Works everytime.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Did you just vomit then?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)

Nope but I'm in an office
so not optimal place plus not drunk or feeling rough so no need.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:44, Reply)

i was making a clever
cunnilingus reference
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)

yeah that's the problem I don't tend to get clever til much later.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:44, Reply)

oh man that was crude

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:45, Reply)

I am proud of myself, though

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I thought you meant I talk shit so shit was coming out of my mouth and sticking to my beard and all sorts
of nastiness.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:48, Reply)

different kind of nastiness.
and made all the more nasty by the fact it was said by a girl.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Cougar has got the filth skills
to attract any man. Women who are naughty and funny are always winners.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:14, Reply)

I will file an objection in the morning

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:15, Reply)

*levels up*

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:16, Reply)

i make my own lunch
unless I am late for work. Or have run out of bread. Or can't deal with making lunch
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:14, Reply)

Nothing as of yet, but I'll be making granola later today
and pizza for the sister and me for tea. I like baking when I'm stressed :)

I have no errands apart from a hair appointment in a couple of days and to wake up. Bliss.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:15, Reply)

Cold roast chicken and salad*
mixed Italian leaves, tomato, concombre, red onion, low fat mayo, black pepper.

Alt: I need to set up a new mortgage DD. I'm not doing it, though.

Alt Alt: made it myself: it's fucking dull but healthy - the usual trade-off.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:16, Reply)

sounds tasty

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:19, Reply)

sounds sexy tasty

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:20, Reply)

There
is a sexy theme emerging in your replies?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:22, Reply)

i blame pancakes

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:24, Reply)

Sexy pancakes?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Is there
any other kind?

With their little pancake knickers....
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:26, Reply)

it's the lemon curd

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:28, Reply)

my god Cougar stoppit!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:45, Reply)

I apologise
my world-view is out of whack. Been larping for 4 days. Real world is tricksy sometimes
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:50, Reply)

I loathe savoury pancakes
apart from Chinese ones.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)

you are correct

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)

I agreed until he edited and added mayo
HATE mayo. Blargh.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:20, Reply)

Calm down dear, it's only a dollop on the side of the plate.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:24, Reply)

nothing wrong with mayo
don't be ashamed Monty
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:25, Reply)

There's plenty wrong with low fat mayo though
the fucking gay.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:26, Reply)

100% right.
Low fat mayo does not work - same with low fat crisps.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:28, Reply)

I stole it from a girl who works for me.
I couldn't really tell the difference if I'm honest, though.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:32, Reply)

I'm not ashamed.
If I'd have confessed to eating salad cream, THEN I'd have been ashamed, and rightly so - although I have to say a 20% salad cream to 80% mayo mix for potato salad is nice. But for no sensible reason I like to put chives AND spring onions in my potato salads so perhaps I am an over-elaborate knobend.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:27, Reply)

And
hard boiled eggs. It's champion.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:28, Reply)

Pickled eggs works even better.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Are you northern?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:32, Reply)

How fucking dare you.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Did that disc play OK?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:39, Reply)

what an odd comeback

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I'm like freeform Jazz.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:49, Reply)

So how is the kid?
Edit - see?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Fucking brilliant, thank you.

*beeboobleparpledoo-doo-doo-squeak*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Scat is called scat because it is shit.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:21, Reply)

I ended up a bit 'distorted*' and didn't get to play it.
Will give it a shot tomorrow.

*We ended up playing cover versions of shit songs in a Jesus and Mary Chain style. Either our vesion of Olivia Newton John's "Hopelessly Devoted to You" was an act of feral genius or the DMT has played havoc with my memory.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:48, Reply)

God I love DMT.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Good stuff too
3 hours of fun, fun, fun!
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:54, Reply)

I am only one link away from a chemist who actually makes it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Don't tell me the link is Psycho-Bitch?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:21, Reply)

I'll try that.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:32, Reply)

And add chopped olives and sprinkle with cayenne pepper.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Alright calm down Heston.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:39, Reply)

He's another one for my 'hope he gets run over by a bus ' list.
Bald shit-bag.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:42, Reply)

He has redefined smug for the next generation.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:43, Reply)

He will redefine 'facial injuires' if I see the shine-headed bastard.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:50, Reply)

I think he's cool
and I want bacon ice cream
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:52, Reply)

He's innovative
.....but a total penis.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:02, Reply)

he is a cock
but I find the way he works fascinating.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:06, Reply)

I want to eat there
but it might not be worth it since there is so much I can't eat
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:09, Reply)

I do.
And I'd like to try his food (my brother-in-law's best man is an employee and close friend of his, so I'm hoping some kind of angle can be worked here) - but his celebrity meal series made me want to eat my own eyeballs*.


*probably on the Fat Duck menu already
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:09, Reply)

celebrity meal series?
the heston's [insert shitty theme here] feast stuff?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:12, Reply)

That's the one.
The 70s one particularly grated.

Every ten seconds:

'I really like to explore my crazy fun side so I...blah blah blah'
'I really wanted to capture my wacky, experimental character, so I...' etc etc

The culinary equivalent of the 'you don't have to be be mad to work here...' sign. Fucking turd.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:17, Reply)

there were some awesome bits of cooking wizardry during that series
but I agree, the whole was terribly contrived and geared up to provide him with a back-patting exercise.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:21, Reply)

I've got a thing against savoury white creamy things
like mayo, salad cream, cream cheese, white sauce.

It gives me the willies.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:32, Reply)

you've got that the wrong way round ;)

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Better, and faster than mine.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Her penis is?
I wouldn't have said faster was better...
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)

it's like a piledriver

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)

"Ooh, you're shuddering, does that mean you're coming?"
"No-oooo-ooo-ooo, c-ccc-cann you-uu-u-u ad-dd-just-ttt- th-th-the power-rr sett-ii-ngs on-nnn th-this-ss th-thi-ngg-g?"
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:39, Reply)

sorry dear
I appear to have pushed you off the bed
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:45, Reply)

It's when 'the willies'
start to give you unsavoury white creamy things that you have to get yourself seen by a clinic, pronto.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:33, Reply)

-bokes a bit-

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:36, Reply)

you hate mayo, you hate lip piercings, why don't you just come out and say it -
"I HATE KITTY!"
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:27, Reply)

:(
I love you Kitty, hard and in the face. While lovingly avoiding your lip piercing so I don't tear it out or something.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:32, Reply)

I accidentally left the ring in this morning and didn't realise until I got to work
people are looking at me like there's something different but they can't figure out what.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:10, Reply)

Ah that happened with my Latin teacher and her nose piercing
she had the retainer in when I went to see her in her office at 8.30 in the morning, and it was very odd.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:24, Reply)

Your mortgage
sure is buxom. Does it have trouble buying bras?
( Kroney, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:25, Reply)

in a DD?
Are you joking? Apparantly it's the most usual size in Britain
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:26, Reply)

Sure, it was a crap joke
but "does it have no problems at all buying bras?" wasn't as snappy.
( Kroney, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:27, Reply)

is it bad that I keep reading DD
as D&D?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:27, Reply)

Yes, I'm afraid to say it really is.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:28, Reply)

I just assumed it was another drugs reference.
:-)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:29, Reply)

thought so

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:31, Reply)

Way to make a tragic joke
more so.
( Kroney, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:30, Reply)

Your food always sounds exciting
however there is always an element of which I have no knowledge. What is this Concombre you speak of?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:30, Reply)

cucumber you oaf.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:49, Reply)

I haven't had lunch yet.
I may go get some when I pick up my NEW PHONE!!!!
(PsychoChomp, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:24, Reply)

Good luck. Don't hold your breath.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:24, Reply)

I've got a tracking code and it was signed into the shop at 9am!!!!!1 11! 1!! 1!11

(PsychoChomp, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Ah yes,
but don't forget the potential for 'sorry, we don't know anything about it', the 'wrong phone' and any other of the myraid potential phone-shop-spastic related screw-ups that could still occur.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:30, Reply)

This is true, I've already written a "you're service is shit email"
My typing fingers are twitching for another chance.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:33, Reply)

You will appreciate this I think
I had connection issues with my Xbox on sun morning so rang the helpline which was abroad. It was a very crackly line so I had to ask the operator to repeat himself a couple of times. He then had a tantrum down the phone at me and refused to speak. We just sat there in silence for a minute or two before he put me on hold. After 5 minutes he took me off hold, still wouldn't speak even though I was asking to speak to a manager. I hung up redialled and asked to go straight through to the supervisor and they wouldn't put me through. I have subsequently sent a very very angry letter to Microsoft. I was so shocked I have never had anything like that before.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:42, Reply)

You lost me at 'Xbox' I'm afraid.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:44, Reply)

I know it's not your thing but I was appalled Monty

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:46, Reply)

I'm usually extremely polite to call centre people
unless I really am getting nowhere. I feel sorry for most of them.

I did tell a Domino's pizza operative to 'fuck off' once.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:48, Reply)

I was very polite
I just kept saying 'sorry' 'pardon me' 'could you repeat that' and he flipped out like a mong.

Dominoes? you should be ashamed there pizza is horrid.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:52, Reply)

It was for an ex's son, who was staying.
I have two magnificent pizzerias within a few minutes' walk of my front door, but this somewhat spoilt boy 'only liked Domino's', the cretin.

First they said 'you'll have to come downstairs to collect it' - fine, I said, as I live on the ground floor. 'Actually, you'll have to come out of your block to the main road' at which point I told them to fuck off. It's not like I live in a dodgy block - it's 100% private and not at all cheap.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:01, Reply)

Justified.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:02, Reply)

"Deer fone peepul
you are service is shit"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:56, Reply)

ha,
It is actually voda-FONE so that's ok.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:02, Reply)

they probably can't read anyway, so it doesn't matter

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:06, Reply)

My first thought was "I hope he trips and drops it down a drain on the way out of the store"
this is why bad things happen to me.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:27, Reply)

Whatever gets you off.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)

I don't know about that
but it makes her sleep soundly at night
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:39, Reply)

What phone did you get?
Edit: I'm a mong.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:28, Reply)

have did you get?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:29, Reply)

Leave him be, English is his second language, like Raoul Moat.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:30, Reply)

I hate to do it to Jeff
but that's the first time I corrected anyone. SMUG.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:32, Reply)

You've just got the hump
Because you spelt 'club' as 'clud' earlier and I picked you up on it.

Not that I care.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)

I forgot about that
but one all now so truce.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Roal Moat's first language
was Awesome.
( Kroney, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:32, Reply)

Damn right.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Yeah. You tell him Monty.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:32, Reply)

HTC Desire,
I'm going to put U2's desire as my ringtone just to annoy everyone here.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:29, Reply)

I fear this may backfire on you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:31, Reply)

I'm pretty sure you've already got that covered without a fancy ringtone.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:31, Reply)

very true

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:55, Reply)

I was considering that as a replacement for the Sony I'm returning.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:31, Reply)

The best thing about that phone is when it rains
your screen has wind screen wipers. Win everytime!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:31, Reply)

Eh?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:33, Reply)

The weather feature just
changes the screen saver to sunny, rainy etc, snow blah blah when it rains it brings up wipers.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Oh, wow!
That, is like, the best thing eva! I so want to get that phone. Sounds brilliant. I'll be the best person in the pub bar none with a feature like that on my phone. The dead hard men who drink pints will respect me totally if I am able to show them that.

Honestly. To think someone developed that. Surely, with a mobile phone you are 'out and about' therefore, you'll have a much more accurate idea of the weather than a fucking phone.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:40, Reply)

I like stupid things

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Arsenal.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:43, Reply)

I love Arsenal
awaits strikethroughs
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:46, Reply)

That would be too easy.
So I'll say 'you love small boys' instead.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:50, Reply)

+ ginger
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:53, Reply)

Sorry. Yeah, I forgot.
Small, ginger boys.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:55, Reply)

Yeah I'm sure you turn your phone off and lock it in a drawer whenever you enter a building.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:43, Reply)

OH NOES ! SOMEONE MADE A FEATURE THAT ISN'T PURELY FUNCTIONAL ON A PHONE THAT I DON'T HAVE !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:56, Reply)

It's like 'windscreen wipers', I'm guessing.
Only made-up ones that don't actually work, making the whole sorry episode that little bit more tragic.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)

exactly this

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:38, Reply)

Egg and cress sarnie
Free bhajis and 'bruschetta'.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:33, Reply)

Free bhajis
best of all the Indian foods.
( Kroney, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)

They were ok...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)

I had the best brushchetta eveh in Kos.

( girlinthehole, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:39, Reply)

It was better than this 'bruschetta'.
I can tell without looking.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:41, Reply)

I made bruschetta for a dinner party once.
I was over-prepared and made them too early. Soggy bruschetta is not nice.

MORE THRILLING NEWS AS IT HAPPENS.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:54, Reply)

You would have been very sarcastically mocked on Come dine with me.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:09, Reply)

And rightly so.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:18, Reply)

I used to love that Bruschetta ad
where the woman turns out to be dead common and nicks his lunch.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:20, Reply)

I'e bought a large bottle of Frosty Jacks for lunch today
Preparing for life on the streets and that.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)

No joy with Greggs?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:36, Reply)

What's happening with your accomodation situation?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)

How long have you got until you need to find somewhere?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:41, Reply)

The tenancy on this place ended one hour and forty three minutes ago
and I've just been let down on staying on a mate's sofa. To top it off just this very second my housemate who hired a van 'doesn't have any room left' for my stuff to go in. I've given up and am watching Arcade Fire at Reading on BBC3.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:45, Reply)

That's the spirit.
Are you a student?

Edit: If you are properly snookered, give Shelter a shout.

england.shelter.org.uk/
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:46, Reply)

You can't inflict Barry on the vulnerable

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:50, Reply)

**Sniggers**

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:54, Reply)

Oh gutted.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:07, Reply)

+lol I'd hate that

(PsychoChomp, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:10, Reply)

I now have a piri piri chicken wrap

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 13:44, Reply)

piri piri chicken is shit

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:07, Reply)

I DISAGREE
It's a good way of packing as much chili as possible into meat, which improves its chances therefore of being a good thing.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:11, Reply)

it's not done in a sensitive and delicious way though
chilli is great, but it is possible to make it taste nice too. piri piri doesn't.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:12, Reply)

This is true, chilli can often make you oblivious to all the other flavours in the food
(Though that does mean it's a good way to make shit food edible) But then I do quite like the flavour of a good piri-piri sauce myself. And on a relative scale, it's certainly one of Portugal's better culinary achievements.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:16, Reply)

IT WAS NOMALICIOUS
Then I had salt and vinegar Squares and a Boost
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:17, Reply)

This sounds like a top lunch to me
I had a rather mundane tuna and sweetcorn sandwich for lunch, although I was pleasantly surprised to find one of my colleagues had bought in some strange Asian dessert made out of rice in a banana leaf. It was good, though now I really want a packet of salt and vinegar Squares.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:20, Reply)

THE ADVENTURES OF TGB AND VIPROS: PART 2.
After a stormy evening of insulting eachother and cussing out each other's families, they find themselves alone in a room after a bash.
"You're a fucking slut, I hope someone rapes you with aids", he shouts.
"Yeah', 'cus you ain't man enough to do the job yourself, you've got a fucking button-mushroom of a cock" she seeths back at him.
"Buttom mushroom cock? It's like chucking a bratwurst down a hallway"
"I'll show you a fucking hallway"
As TGB throws him against the wall and attempts to taste his lower osphogus, he can feel himself growing down under, she's impressed, she won't admit it though.
[Explicit scene]
It's late now, he's in his restful slumber, she's sneeking out, putting on her high heels to walk out, when she gets an idea, she's going to shit in his griddle pan. So she goes downstairs, takes the tefal covered griddle pan from off the shelf, lowers her panties and lets rip. It's hard to come out at first, but eventually all is revealed.
She thinks to herself "Hahahaha, gotcha', strike one for TGB" and proceeds to leave the premses and drive home.
There she is, walking to the car, she walks up to it and opens her handbag only to find a her childhood toy, ripped to pieces, inside a used condom covered in shit.

"Touche, Vipros, one-one, but this is not the last of this.", as she gets into her car and drives off.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:23, Reply)

I totally tented reading that

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:27, Reply)

I fucking well knew that thing in the corner was a camera!

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 31 Aug 2010, 14:27, Reply)