DEBT AND NONCE-FREE THREAD RIGHT HERE.
Tell me something that you're planning to do in the near future. Something interesting that doesn't involve my my mum, your fucking nommy lunch or this weekend.

If I do not deem your reply interesting enough I will force you to go to a two-week long football match with Darth and Bobby, both speeding their tits off on crystal meth and feeling 'really chatty'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:33, 201 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm going to buy a potato peeler and a scarf tonight.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:33, Reply)

I recommend the Oxo good grips peeler

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:35, Reply)

I will look into peeler technology at John Lewis later.
Must be left handed friendly.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Zyliss ones are good.

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:39, Reply)

pretty sure the Oxo one will be
It looks fairly basic, but it is very sharp and works very well
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:40, Reply)

I love John Lewis
their habidashery section is beautiful. £35 a metre silks and stuff, fit.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:48, Reply)

That reminds me I need some needle and threads.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:49, Reply)

the one in Exeter should be opening just in time for me to be able to spend money again
:-D
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:51, Reply)

I love browsing in John Lewis
everything is just so pretty.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:54, Reply)

That reminds me I need some waterproof trousers

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I hope it's a warm scarf. Those football matches can get rather cold, I hear.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:36, Reply)

I can copy and paste my entire sainsburys order if you'd like?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:37, Reply)

No need
surgical masks
marigolds
duct tape
string
dettol
manpons
stain devils (blood variety)
wank tissues
PC Gamer magazine
nommy sammich

Am I right?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:44, Reply)

no
i stopped them from selling wank tissues
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Linked in another thread because I know you really care
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post986973
I should have bought PC gamer though.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:51, Reply)

I can't believe I actually started to read that

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:55, Reply)

I'm very excited by the LOADS OF SPICES

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:56, Reply)

i started at the bottom
got as far as the dandruff shampoo

gave up
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:00, Reply)

I buy shampoo based on special offers.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:01, Reply)

this actually physically hurts me, what with all the lovely designer shampoos out there
but be careful with that H&S shit. i was once advised by the hairdresser to use it when i dyed my hair a dreadful colour to strip the dye right out. and it did. you could end up a silver fox.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:05, Reply)

...like me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:19, Reply)

any man on the planet
should be lucky to end up looking like you, from what i have heard ever since the last bash!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:22, Reply)

I'm gonna e-mail a lady.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:35, Reply)

I read that as Lardy
is the lady lardy?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:38, Reply)

does she have lardy lady lumps?

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:40, Reply)

No.
She's lovely.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:42, Reply)

*sings*
Lard, Lady Lard,
Lard across this thick brown bread...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:43, Reply)

"The lardy in reeeeed....."

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:47, Reply)

"I'll never forget
The weight you look tonight..."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:48, Reply)

*snort*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:52, Reply)

'I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance
Looking for some over-sized paahnts, given half a chance...'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:54, Reply)

You can't hurry lunch
NO, you'll just have to wait
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:55, Reply)

You're once, twice, three times thesizeoftheaverage lady ...

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:56, Reply)

hahaha superb

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Cheesy like Sunday morning

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:58, Reply)

"HELLO! Is it meat you're looking for?"

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:59, Reply)

HAHAHA!
Brilliant
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:00, Reply)

She's a brick (shit) house.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:06, Reply)

"I can see it in your spice..."

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:06, Reply)

"I can see lard on your thighs"

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:07, Reply)

cry and sob like a girl
if i can't get the figures to add up on this stat demand. i hate maths, i hate interest calculations, i hate calculators. it's all SHIT.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:36, Reply)

*There there*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:37, Reply)

humph!
my brain simply does not work this way, i blame my left-handed mother for making me half back-to-front.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:38, Reply)

Nothing wrong with left-handedness.
My father's side of the family are 35% left-handed as opposed to 8-10% which is the norm. Our surname is a term for left-handedness in the Border region. I am only only one of my siblings to be a true *myrealsurname*

/dull
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Monty MongyMcSpazz?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:42, Reply)

I've heard that you're "a bit left handed in the border region..."
whoopsygaylols etc
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:44, Reply)

This is probably not a good time to point out that I'm also left-handed.
People might spot a trend.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:45, Reply)

I missed the "Crow is a massive bender" memo
is it too late to insinuate that you're a massive bender?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:48, Reply)

I'm not sure. Monty would almost certainly do the same.
But now that Darth's back, I don't know whether I have to continue being /offtopic's resident screaming wooftah.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Oh well, if Darth's back forget it
although he might not have internet access in the multiple STD clinic (what happens in Vietnam stays in Vietnam)
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:58, Reply)

clearly not if he's brought it to the STD clinic.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:10, Reply)

Oh god, they'll all have it now...
The doctor won't even have to time say "If you could just remove your trousers, Mr Foxtrot," before the insatiable bumder is buried up to hilt in his tradesman's entrance and thrusting away as though he were in a Right Said Fred music video.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:19, Reply)

Christ, it's 28 Days Later all over again.
*flees*
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:21, Reply)

Get yourself a pair of cast-iron pantaloons
And don't remove them until we can get the raving mincer deported to the Outer Hebrides*. Until then, nowhere is safe.

*_{I know it's not devoid of people, but if The Wicker Man is anything to go by, then hopefully the local populace will capture him and eventually burn him alive in a giant wicker arse.}
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Now where am I going to get cast-iron Pantaloons?
You don't have any spares do you?
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:28, Reply)

On the left, next to the waterproof ones ->

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:45, Reply)

Yay!
Is also left handed
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:49, Reply)

I'm hoping to work on some music with my compadré
likelihood is that I will actually end up painting one of the bedrooms in my house
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:36, Reply)

...in your own excrement, whilst sobbing
and making a massive collage of Jill Dando pictures.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:37, Reply)

naturally

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:40, Reply)

I'm going to my Nan's 90th birthday
When asked what she wanted for her party, she replied "curry and fireworks". She's ace!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:36, Reply)

And you're going to provide the 'fireworks' eh?
You sick bastard.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:38, Reply)

Haha!
That sounds like a great birthday.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:38, Reply)

It promises to be
Plus she told my chav aunt to fuck off (apparently this aunt had been cheating on my uncle), so I won't have to be polite to the munting ginger whore.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:48, Reply)

I like your nan

(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Is that a polite 'your mum' insult?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:47, Reply)

I like your naan.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:47, Reply)

You can't have her naan, it's hers, she paid for it to go with her Dahl.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:50, Reply)

Going to Gran Canaria
For a long weekend. Really looking forward to the buffet breakfast.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Interesting?
Not much. Marrying, going to South America, moving and changing jobs, all in the next 4 months.

I'm starving.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:38, Reply)

I'm going to go sledging with the kids and make snowmen
I may also make pizzas too. I am also going to try and book EuroDisney
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:38, Reply)

And just to annoy you a little
I have a question. Why do people ask you what you want for your wedding, and when you tell them "whatever, just something not for the house, as we have everything twice, and we don't have a house now, so no place to put it, and something not heavy, as I have to carry it myself, and here you have my wedding list, if you want to use it" they decide to buy you 5kg of glasses? Why do they ask? How am I going to take them home now? Ay...
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:40, Reply)

god, I haven't got to the awful present stage yet
one of my mates got married recently and someone from the bride's mum's place of work got them a really fucking tasteless, chromed plastic photo frame with some awful twee message on it.

Why the fuck would you bother?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Exactly!
And I know they've spent tons of money on it, which really upsets me.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I'm going to bake a birthday cake

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:41, Reply)

my birthday isn't until Tuesday though

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:23, Reply)

I'm having a bash on Sunday Night!!
and hopefully there will be lots of new b3tans to meet. :D
also, I'm wearing my first ever band shirt.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:43, Reply)

OMG Bash
I would go but Sexface is coming and I'm worried he might try and chat me up.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I don't think he will come to the bash.
he knows I don't like him and that I think he's a creep.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:49, Reply)

YEAH
BASH ON SUNDAY WOOO. There's at least two people I know going.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:54, Reply)

Brace yourself for excitement.
I shall be there also.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:56, Reply)

THREE PEOPLE
I'm going to wear my special trousers.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:56, Reply)

You'll need to.
You are talking about the fishing waders with the reinforced gusset, right?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:03, Reply)

Gusset?
What gusset?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:07, Reply)

Velcro ass-hatch?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:13, Reply)

All around thru-zip
with nipple discs.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:14, Reply)

I'm going, Monty's going,
I think Lusty may be going...
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Yar I'll be there, for a bit at least.

( wanderlust, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:59, Reply)

yay! I really can't wait to meet you. :)

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:02, Reply)

You are in for a treat.
I'm amazing.

Looking forward to meeting you yoo :)
( wanderlust, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:05, Reply)

I suspect I won't actually be coming as I have a bedroom to decorate
and I'm going to see Motorhead the night before.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:05, Reply)

So's Monty, where's your stamina?
Wuss.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:07, Reply)

He's such a fucking poofter.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:11, Reply)

Monty takes loads of drugs
doesn't have a fucked knee and lives alone.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:11, Reply)

I read that as
'Monty's so much cooler than me and my morbid obesity has given me mouldy man-tits and my knees cannot support my gargantuan belly so I'm staying at home with my fictitous wife and playing WoW'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:14, Reply)

I read that as
"Despite promising I have still not arranged an evening of consuming hot meat in the Tayyabs and now we'll have to wait until after christmas because of my ineptitude"
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:17, Reply)

I read that as
"We really need to butt-fuck already and just get it over with."
I can almost smell the testosterone.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:19, Reply)

Oh we did that A LONG TIME AGO, believe me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:21, Reply)

really? you wouldn't think it the way you two banter :P

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:24, Reply)

The sizzling chemistry is that obvious?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:34, Reply)

yeah it really is.
sorry to be the one to break it to you love.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:35, Reply)

I read that as
"I really really wish whichever one of them turns up at the bash will take me for a quick knee trembler in the toilets, otherwise this whole trip to the UK will have been a gigantic waste of time and money"
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:21, Reply)

I didn't come here to get shagged m'dear.
I can do that back home you know.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Haha fair cop guv

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:20, Reply)

I'm currently imagining what it would be like to eat a seek kebab right now
and I'm salivating.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:21, Reply)

I was in Needoo's on Monday.
They're actually getting better I think. The Dry Meat was on par with Tayyabs.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:24, Reply)

I'm going to have to take the mrs out next week.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:29, Reply)

Are you a gangland hitman?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:30, Reply)

Fancy a 'double date'?
I don't have any car keys for the bowl but I've got my old bike-lock one, would that do?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:31, Reply)

Your not having my bike you cunt
It's mine. Just mine.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:36, Reply)

You haven’t quite understood how this ‘swinging’ lark works, have you?
It’s not a vehicle exchange programme, you oaf.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:39, Reply)

Is she starting to smell?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:33, Reply)

Will you be well?
Or with pizza slice?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:02, Reply)

I should be well,
though I may have a cheeky baguette in my handbag should I feel the need.
( wanderlust, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:03, Reply)

Have you been getting ideas from Rachelswipe?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:08, Reply)

Does she like masturbating with baked goods too?

( wanderlust, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:30, Reply)

I've heard that, as with breadcrumbs, it's best to use slightly stale bread.

(Cave Duck, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:34, Reply)

I know you're going
It's your bash!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Like women not liking him has ever put him off.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:55, Reply)

He'll get a slap and a shot from my asthma inhaler to the eyes if I have to.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:58, Reply)

The rohypnol will have kicked in before you've even noticed he's there.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:03, Reply)

Does the t-shirt read
'The holocaust never happened, anyone who says it did it a fruit?'

(I'd imagine a t-shirt like that would be banned)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:45, Reply)

No, it says Bellowhead.
and has a Trombone headed man in a suit playing the Accordion on it.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:46, Reply)

This is Monty's comedy t of choice
right here.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:50, Reply)

CONTAINS NAZI T SHIRTS
aryanwear.com/nuremberg-eagle-acid-wash-tshirt-p-1273.html?cPath=96_40_74
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:02, Reply)

I'd rather you linked to your Nazi porn.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:04, Reply)

Is this NSFW?
I actually thought about this and considered a link to 'aryanwear.com' might actually be worse for people...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:06, Reply)

I work with hippies. So probably.
Don't worry about it, I'll just keep it off screen.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:14, Reply)

I've just been offered the chance of switching courses up here instead of dropping out and going somewhere else next year.
They don't want to lose me apparently. Although I had set my heart on moving back in with my old man in Blackheath. I want to go back to London. So that's what I'm probably going to do in the near future.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Come back to London, Bal.
You know it makes sense.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:59, Reply)

I am absolutely desperate to do just that. I miss bowling round Old Street and calling everyone a cunt.
But it would financially ruin me beyond all recognition.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:02, Reply)

In the near future?
Nothing. Nothing at all *tumbleweeds*
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:48, Reply)

sure you are.
come to my bash! pleaaase.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:50, Reply)

I can't afford it :(
I don't get paid til Monday and I have precisely £11 - that won't even get me to London, nevermind buy me any drinks or a hostel for the night!
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Are you going to the Manchester bash?

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I'm not sure
possibly but probably not, as I'm going to the Bristol one and can't really afford both.
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Boo :(

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:59, Reply)

:(
I"m pouting very hard at this.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I'd recommend directing said pouting at the First Great Western train company
They charge obscenely unreasonable prices to get between London and the West of England. I would hope that a well-organised mass pout outside their head offices might encourage them to recitfy this.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:55, Reply)

£12 each way from the midlands :D

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:58, Reply)

What the wobbling buggery-fuck?
Hang on...how many months in advance did you have to book that?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:00, Reply)

6 days

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:02, Reply)

£12 return from Birmingham to London
on the day, as long as you don't mind it taking 2.5 hours on the Chiltern train rather than just over an hour on the Virgin one.
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:03, Reply)

Hmm...clearly I've just had bad experiences when I've had to travel to Reading with them.
(Worst of all, at the end of the outbound journey I find myself in fucking Reading...)

Edit: Hang on, I've been retarded as usual. Just remembered that Brum would, of course, be serviced by Virgin trains, not FGW. *spangs self duly*
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:05, Reply)

The worst thing about that train is it's full of people from Derby by the time it gets to Birmingham

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:11, Reply)

Derby Birmingham
gets to pulls out of
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:13, Reply)

I will organise something along those lines immediately to encourage that rectification.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Get the megabus then you plank
It'll probably cost you less than a tenner return.
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:59, Reply)

You've seen the size of me
Folding myself into a bus seat for three or four hours is a less-than-ideal solution to the problem.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:01, Reply)

how tall are you?

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:02, Reply)

About 6'2"
Legroom is frequently an issue.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:03, Reply)

Depends how badly you want to go to the bash, I guess
they're not that bad - the ex and I used to get the megabus occasionally and he's 6'5.
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:04, Reply)

And they are proper coaches now, aren't they?
I was put off after I spent several hours in a retro-fitted double decker bus stuck on a seat next to my not-as-tall-but-certainly-wider friend from Bristol to London.

(How did your ex cope? Did he have an extra pair of knees or something?)
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:12, Reply)

you must have looked weird standing together
my ex of a long time ago was 6'5 but I'm 5'10 in heels so there wasn't a huge gap.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:19, Reply)

Probably a similar gap between myself and a not-too-distant ex,
who was 5'0.

Basically I looked like a nonce.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:21, Reply)

I also had a 5' ex once.
And also looked like a nonce.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Monty, the apostrophe is supposed to indicate 'feet'
Not 'years of age.'
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Ah, my mistake.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:29, Reply)

My ex is 5'3 and had a crazy look in her eye

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:38, Reply)

pouting wanking
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:57, Reply)

*There there*
You okay berk?

You had 'one night in Venice' last night and you are still unhappy.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:50, Reply)

It's just impending
friday night/weekend boredom and loneliness (it's a killer - dum dum dum DUM DUM DUM dum dum etc)
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I'm sure the usual selection of losers will be on here over the weekend to keep you company.
*Pencils 'weekend talking to berk on OT'* into diary.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:58, Reply)

Hehe
I'm sure you must have something better to do, but thanks.
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:05, Reply)

I'm going out this evening
And I'll be out all day Saturday, with an option on beer and curry on Saturday night, so maybe I won't be here all weekend.

But I'll pop by and say hello.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:23, Reply)

I am planning to rip apart my media centre and put in 4tb of storage
replacing the meagre 450gb

Feel free to deem my reply uninteresting, my weekends have become very boring since becoming a husband and father. I also may be building an integrated wardrobe and drawers in the nursery ready for baby 2. I have no DIY skills. I should document the disaster it most likely will be.
( Peej, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:50, Reply)

I would've thought that as it is your second child
you would know by now not to put it in a wardrobe or set of drawers
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Why not just put the 4Tb on an external drive or RAID array and save the ripping?
and integrated wardrobe and drawers with no DIY skills? good fucking luck, there ;) Unless you're buying it as flat pack rather than making from scratch
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:04, Reply)

Because external drives are slower
And making from scratch as the room is a funny shape. Its going to be epic!
( Peej, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:27, Reply)

I just bought a heater for my garage...
...so I can work on a festive 'piece' to hang from the conservatory beams. It is going to be made of cut up chicken wire, tinsel and fibre optic lights, spray-painted and moulded into a 1.5 metre 'angel-type' shape.
Very excited about this.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Sounds a bit 'Mutoid Waste'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:58, Reply)

Very - the inspiration came from Duran Duran's...
...classic post-apocalypse video for 'Wild Boys'.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:03, Reply)

a MASTERPIECE.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:08, Reply)

conservatory beams?
What makes your conservatory so fucking smug?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:59, Reply)

It's a conservatory
That's automatically smug. It's just a greenhouse with ideas way about its station
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:02, Reply)

It is also where I do my 'smoking'...
...so any perceived smugness might just be stoned grinning.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:04, Reply)

I'll give you a choice:
I'm probably heading up to Nevis Range asap to see if the skiing is any good yet
I'm going to decide what replacement car to buy
I'm going to properly conceal the surround speaker cables in my lounge.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Sorry to butt in with such a MONUMENTALLY SAD THING
But I did my cabling with this stuff and it worked perfectly.

www.d-line.co.uk/
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:03, Reply)

not sad. Well, it probably is
but cheers, that looks spot on for what I'm after. I needed something that goes with the pointlessly ornate Georgian skirting.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Maybe a nice cameo brooch?
You old-fashioned trannies crack me up.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:33, Reply)

a brooch that says Word Up?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:40, Reply)

Well, I'm meant to be moving today, but I'm still waiting on confirmation from the estate agents
Not very pleased.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Can I tell you about something I did this morning
because of my own sheer stupidity instead?
( Kroney, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:20, Reply)

OK.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:21, Reply)

OK, it's a long story with precious little pay-off, so bear with me.
I replaced my letterbox a little while ago. It fits really fucking horribly and lets a god-awful draught in. Didn't really matter until this week when the temperature plunged well below Baltic levels. So I went out after work to buy some sealant and fucking coated the letterbox with it. Yes, yes, I know what you're going to say "applying external sealant at night at this time of year? Are you MAD?". No, just cold. I'll reapply it in summer if it doesn't take properly, which it won't.

I was in such a rush to do that last night before my fingers froze right off that I left the interior light on in my car. Got up this morning. Dead battery. The misss works nights, so I had to walk down to meet her as her route home follows the road where a girl got raped recently. Very cold. Then nobody was around to boost me and I don't have Home Start on my AA membership. Then I couldn't remove the battery to take dowen to my local autofactors (to take advantage of their 12 hour "borrow a battery whilst we charge yours" offer because I don't have a 14 mill socket to remove the plate holding the battery down. Got a 13 and a 15, naturally. Of course, I only found this out once I'd disconnected both terminals and removed most of the stiff-as-fuck plastic surrounds.

In the end I had to get the Mum to call the AA out on her policy.

Edit: Oh, and I got sealant on my work trousers.

What a twat, eh?
( Kroney, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:34, Reply)

Twat indeed.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:36, Reply)

I've just booked to stay here.
yorkyurts.com/
(Cave Duck, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:22, Reply)

Does it have wifi so you can communcate with your date?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:57, Reply)

I'm taking fifteen people up a hill for my birthday next weekend.
We're walking a few miles, finish with a huge view of Aylesbury Vale from Ivinghoe Beacon, then back to town and my best friend is cooking a big chilli and a sausage casserole for everyone. Then we're going to the pub and getting pissed. It's gonna be fucking excellent.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:25, Reply)

a hill the shit-box
getting pissed +on by a minibus full of 50 year old German men
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:27, Reply)

I reckon you've missed a couple there.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:30, Reply)

I thought I'd leave some for others.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:33, Reply)

Aylesbury Vale from Ivinghoe Beacon my gaping anus
my up the arse of my
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:34, Reply)

cooking a getting out his
chilli and a
casserole
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:34, Reply)

Good lad.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:37, Reply)

I'm going to borrow a tenner then fuck a child.
And after that, I'm going to call Darth and talk at length about Forest signing Aaron Ramsay on loan.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:44, Reply)

I am going to do something I haven't done in a very long time.
But I can't tell you what it is.
( girlinthehole, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Waaaahey.
Get in there!
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 13:01, Reply)

No not that.

( girlinthehole, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 13:02, Reply)

MASSIVE DRUGS?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 13:04, Reply)

This weekend I want to....
bake something - possibly a Christmas Cake while listening to the radio these activities will be interrupted by regular coffee and cigarette breaks, finished off with a sit down a read of a book/newspaper.

However, fistly I have to do the laundry, read the electricity and gas meters, hang up the wet laundry, iron dry clothes, give the house a general tidy up and hover, change the bedding and towels, wash the bedding and towels, hang up bedding and towels, cook dinner/lunch/breakfast/lunch again/dinner again, then make lunches for Monday I must forget to do the washing up. Start sorting what has to be packed for the visit to partner's parents for Christmas (lots to take and it is long way).
Monday I get to go back to work.
(Free pens 100, 101, 102 is still counting on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 14:51, Reply)