The obnoxious cunting tweaker next door
who likes to play gangsta rap at 4am!
Well guess what, you twat, I'm playing The Carpenters full blast while you're trying to sleep now. Hah!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Sat 3 May 2008, 19:49, Reply)

Pet Peeves, eh?
My pet peeves are any member of AlBertKaol and the Irish sounding one who flicked her bean once and had 200+ replies from other rubbish people. They also took the piss on the last question of the week, and it is quite clear to me they are trying to take over QOTW and turn it into an actual shite. That sounds impossible, but these people are so shite, they could well do it.

Shitehawks.

Cock
(Purple Jessop Jessoping Purple all over your father, Sat 3 May 2008, 19:43, 14 replies)

I was walking past a bus stop...
the other day, when a Jaguar drove past, with the windows down.
The woman in the passenger seat screamed to her driver/friend, in a way obviously intended to be heard by others, "LOOK AT ALL THOSE POOR PEOPLE WAITING FOR THE BUS!"

Now, I was only walking past the bus stop this time, but I use it regularly, and the way in which this woman clearly thought she was better than other people, simply because they chose to take the bus, for financial other whatever reasons, made me fucking fume. I was speechless with rage, and, being unable to do anything about it, that would make it impotent rage wouldn't it?

I only wish I'd noted the registration number on the car so I could have spent a few years tormenting the bitch.
(UXB you said it man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus, Sat 3 May 2008, 19:20, Reply)

Thanks to Ghostlight for reminding me of this one
The phrase "yummy mummy" absolutely makes my blood boil - largely because anyone who uses it is quite evidently a) delusional or b) a pretentious cunt of the highest order. They probably use words like "makeover" and "lifestyle" seriously too.

I'm terribly sorry you got yourself knocked up love, but let me tell you now there's nothing remotely "yummy" about a woman who comes complete with screaming brat, pushchair, soiled nappies, baby food, stretchmarks, fat ankles, vaginal scarring/stitches and tits that smell and taste of milk. There's no bigger turn-off than knowing that a girl has already squeezed out the offspring of some mouth-breather too cretinous to understand how rubber johnnies work, and I resent being told that I should find it attractive or desirable.

You're not a yummy mummy, you're a pram-pusher. Get over it.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Sat 3 May 2008, 19:09, 3 replies)

Facebook and the BBC
This morning I saw a report on the BBC about "Data Miners," and "Facebook."

Apparently even if I set my profile to private they can get all my personal details.

Cut to Symantec Rep - "Identity Theft is a serious problem. People could open bank accounts, take out loans and buy on credit in your name."

Not from Facebook they fucking couldn't. "Right Mr Johnson, I have to ask you a question to verify your identity: What's your favourite band?"

Could they apply for a passport using that photo of me with a traffic cone on my head?
(FurtiveBiscuit, Sat 3 May 2008, 18:03, Reply)

bumper to bumper drivers
FUCK YOU!

I'm already going 10mph + over the speed limit, why do you feel the need to almost shunt me even faster you absolute cunt.

Fuck you *smashes room up*
(Mr G to you , Fathead, Sat 3 May 2008, 17:41, 2 replies)

Cash machines that make you pay a fee for withdrawing your own money...
I FUCKING HATE THAT.
(jangaaaal shes lost control..., Sat 3 May 2008, 17:38, 4 replies)

People who take the piss out of my accent.
Yes I'm from the north east, it's hilarious isn't it.

Guess what, you pronounce coke "cowk" and we don't. Get over it.

If the bint behind the bar in my local who keeps pointing this out did it to people from other countries she'd have been sacked for racism by now.

Oh and Teesside is NOT Newcastle, just as much as Leicester isn't Birmingham.
(Dok Zombie Cash, gash, pie and mash., Sat 3 May 2008, 17:30, 1 reply)

Health Scare Pseudo Scientific Wankery.
Antioxidants. Sodding antioxidants.

Noooo! My electrons!!!!!!

/science
(FurtiveBiscuit, Sat 3 May 2008, 17:22, 4 replies)

Cheer up!
Sarcastic Girl's post reminded me of this. Apparently my natural relaxed look can be misinterpreted as being a bit pissed off, even if I'm perfectly happy, so I used to get told to "cheer up" or asked "are you feeling OK?" fairly regularly. No, I don't need to cheer up, I'm perfectly happy and yes, I feel fine, I look this shit normally.

As for the "Cheer up, it might never happen" brigade, may they rot in a padded cell watching an endless loop of the Chuckle Brothers. The last time someone told me "cheer up, it might never happen" got an earful and nearly a punch in the face. My day old son was on a life support machine and I'd just that morning walked in to see the entire medical staff of the ward rush to his incubator after one of the nurses called out for help. Thankfully, four years later he's still here and doing pretty good, but a word of advice to those congenitally cheerful gits, if you utter your trite phrase in a hospital, the chances are pretty high that something really shit *has* happened.
( SteamedCleaner, Sat 3 May 2008, 17:02, 3 replies)

Drivers who
Do 40 in a 60 one, then 60 in a 40 zone.
((((InfraSound))) SUNN0))) > YOU!, Sat 3 May 2008, 16:56, Reply)

Sharing a bathroom
I give up on the up or down debate with the toilet seat - I'm just pleased you have stopped pissing on the seat. I would be ecstatic if you could stop pissing on the floor too.

BUT if you won't clean your PUBES out of the bath don't get arsey if I've been in the bathroom for too long and you want to get in as I have been cleaning your fucking pubes you FILTHY FOREIGN FUCK.
(DryGoldfish, Sat 3 May 2008, 15:57, Reply)

Urban music
Every record shop these days has a section for 'urban' music.

Apart from the fact that sort of mindless gangsta crap does my head in, can anyone tell me where the section for 'rural' music is? The Grumbleweeds or The Worzels, anyone?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Sat 3 May 2008, 15:51, Reply)

"Polite Notice"
Somehow putting this at the top of a lengthy hectoring missive offends me. Said notices are usually anything but concise and polite.
(Puddle of Sugar was still wallpapering on, Sat 3 May 2008, 15:49, 1 reply)

Plenty of things
Although I am a fairly placid person the following will have my blood pressure rising.

People who don't read error messages. Yes sometimes the message has no useful information but sometimes it will actually tell you what you need to know to fix the problem.

My inability to stop drinking completely.

4x4 drivers. Been done to death already but they really do just fuck me right off. Unless you are a farmer who needs to drive over fields you have no excuse.

They are the car equivalent of giving everyone the finger. "I'm alright but fuck you Mr Pedestrian, Mr Cyclist, Mr Motorcyclist and Mr Regular car driver. In the event of an accident myself and the vile spawn I have brought into this world will be fine. You however will be very dead or maimed. Awfully sorry about that!”

People standing on the left hand side of the escalator in the Underground.

People who wear their trousers low to show off their boxers. What the hell is all that about? You look like a fucking idiot who can’t even dress himself.

The governments head in sand approach to power. Just build the damn nuclear stations and as many offshore wind farms / tidal power systems as you can. It’s not like we have a choice and its stops us being the Russians / Saudis bitch.

Drugs. Just legalise the lot. Otherwise you just run a job creation scheme for criminals.

Suppose that will do for now…

This post may have spelling and grammatical errors in it, but frankly I don't care.
(Fluke feels bitter as well as thick, Sat 3 May 2008, 15:45, 2 replies)

Seething Quietly...
People who say "Cheer up love, it might never happen". Firstly, my mood has no bearing on your life, so fuck off. Secondly, if I'm looking upset/sad, IT HAS HAPPENED, so again, fuck off.

People that think taking their entire brood of screaming, snotty kids to Primark on a Saturday is a good family day out. It's not. It just makes people want to kill them. Doubly so if they, and said unhygenic brood are enourmously fat.

Small, yappy, pointless dogs. If dogs are descended from wolves, what is the point in making evolution go backwards? Yes, at some point in history these dogs had a purpose (be it food, ratting etc.) but not any more. Do not buy one just because you don't want to have to walk it. Get a cat instead!

And finally, the CUNT who's sitting on MY doorstep, under MY bedroom window, smoking a cigarette. I don't smoke, I've never smoked (generally, I have no problems with people who smoke), and I really, REALLY, don't want MY room stinking of his cancer sticks. FUCK OFF YOU TWAT.
(sarcasticgirl, Sat 3 May 2008, 15:38, 4 replies)

Facebook
This has probably already been said, but:
People who add every possible application to their profile so when I log in my screen is filled with every stupid thing they've wasted their time on.

I like seeing what my friends are up to, any news they have, photos of nights out etc.

I don't give a fuck who you've hugged, raced, bought a drink, tagged, kissed, rated as a shag, done a quiz about etc.

Dammit. I'm that angry I've eaten half a packet of fruit digestives while I've typed that. The missus won't be happy about that.
(hagis_uk, Sat 3 May 2008, 15:19, Reply)

Females spilling your beer & expecting to get away with it
Last night.

The last McEwans in the place.

I leave my pint on the table (after severely disciplining Mrs Osok for daring to have a sip), turn my back for a nano-second, and all of a sudden there's this young girl sitting flat on her arse on the floor, surrounded by a flood of India Pale Ale, and actually having the temerity to bawl her eyes out, having got her clothes wet with my precious beer.

Now a gentleman knows what to do in this situation. If another gentleman spills your flagon, it is a simple commercial contract. He buys you another, or you physically assault him with extreme prejudice, up to and including biting his jugular out.

If a lady does the deed, then surely she should be treated as an equal, and make amends as above?

Why should I be treated as a master criminal because she is now soaked in ale? Why is this now my fault? Why is she unable or even unwilling to face the consequences of her clumsiness?


So, as a truly chivalrous chap, I was left with no option.

None at all.

I was forced to pick the bawling maiden off the beer-soaked floor, drag her upstairs, and remove her soggy clothing with all speed........














Well, it was bathtime anyway. She's only 18 months old, after all.




What were you expecting?
(osok Rebel without a clue, Sat 3 May 2008, 15:18, 4 replies)

I've brought a new dog
The little git uses my shoes as a latrine.
(shake'n'bake Tally Ho, Biatch!, Sat 3 May 2008, 15:16, 1 reply)

Americans (for it is always Americans)
who post "Oh snap!" on message boards when they mean "Oh shit!" - either because of self-censorship or braindeath, I can't tell which.

To me (as an English-speaker) "Oh snap!" means "Me too!", so when I see something like

"OMG my best friend just got attacked in the street!"
"Oh snap!"

It has a totally different meaning to the one intended. And it's just fucking retarded, let's face it.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Sat 3 May 2008, 15:15, 3 replies)

And another thing
Large, family cars with a capacity for 6 or more passengers being referred to as 'people carriers' or 'multi-person vehicles'.

For Christ's sake.

Any bloody mode of transport with a capacity to seat more than one person is, by definition, an MPV or people carrier.

I'm feeling a bit grumpy this afternoon. Further to my post below on 'waste' I'm also a tad hacked off that it's a perfectly nice day outside and I've wasted the best part of it by (a) sleeping in waaaay too late due to a late night and lots of wine, and (b) allowing myself to get caught up in the world of b3ta again. I've got a pond to construct, and this is the first weekend where the weather's been nice enough to do it. So I'm off now...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 3 May 2008, 15:05, 1 reply)

Waste
Of any kind, really, but food especially.

Sweary junior has been having mates over for sleepovers recently. Fine and good, I don't mind, they're mostly no trouble, but the trouble with a lot of kids today is they're so bloody fickle about what they'll eat. So we don't cook on sleepover nights, we get pizzas. Children love pizzas, right?

Once pizzas have been demolished, however, and they all troop back off to play on MSN, making up their own new language in the process, the sweary missus and I are left to survey the damage.

Number of pizzas cooked - 5.

Number of pizzas actually eaten because they don't *like* the crusts and therefore only take two bites out of each slice before discarding at a fair portion of a perfectly good bit of pizza that still has loads of topping left on it - approximately 3.5.

It really bloody upsets me...

I also detest the fact that at the moment the computer is in our bedroom as there's no room anywhere else. Therefore our bedroom is not the out-of-bounds sanctuary that it should be and there's often an assortment of Sweary Junior's mates in there surfing the net. Thank fuck we're getting a loft conversion soon. I really fucking hate having a bunch of kids sitting in our bedroom, 'cause I'm old fashioned that way.

On proofing this before posting I noticed that I'd typed 'sewary missus' rather than 'sweary'. Given that her mind is in the gutter anyway she reckons I should have left it that way, but I'm too scared of the grammar police for that...

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sat 3 May 2008, 14:53, Reply)

Cruise control.
It turns drivers into lazier and thus worse drivers.
(NekomimiNinja now with a couple percent more posting, Sat 3 May 2008, 14:06, 2 replies)

T'es un looser!
Along the lines of the anger over the misuse of apostrophes : for some reason, over here in France the english word « loser » has sort of become part of most young people’s vocabulary. They pronounce it correctly and everything, with the correct meaning in mind, but sometimes, or rather most of the bloody time they misspell it as « looser ». I wouldn’t really mind, except for the fact, as I try to explain to people, that IT’S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WORD, and isn’t pronounced the same at all. I’ve even written emails to TV channels who misspell the word in the names of some of their rubbish tv shows. No one pays any attention. Drives me mad. Almost as much as old people who wear sunglasses in supermarkets. And people who don’t use their indicators properly on roundabouts. And the fact that ‘cos i’m british, i’m naturally assumed to be a football supporter type person, when i couldn’t care less. And the fact that Nestlé don’t sell Shreddies in France. WAAARGH.
(Alaning, Sat 3 May 2008, 14:05, 3 replies)

Motorcyclists
I don't mean all motorcyclists, I specifically mean the dickheads who get their bikes out only when it's sunny and then spend 20 minutes reving it up for no reason.

To the bloke on my estate who is doing this now: I've no idea what you think you're trying to achieve, but what you have achieved is to make all your neighbours think you're a cunt.
(hagis_uk, Sat 3 May 2008, 14:02, 6 replies)

I enjoy role-playing games, watching Buffy,
am a bit socially awkward, and program computers as a hobby. In fact I've been programming a role-playing game for several years (www.ageoffable.net). I also do that thing of lining up stuff at 90 degree angles.

So, it should be given due weight when I say that I'm finding this question of the week to be depressingly anal-retentive.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 3 May 2008, 13:57, Reply)