Lying thick bastards!
People who claim to be dyslexic when really they're just fucking thick. Just because i'm lazy I dont go around telling people i'm disabled. I don't have a problem with dyslexia but don't try to cover your retardedness with it.
Motherfriggers!
(bangorip fears all is not well, Sun 4 May 2008, 22:21, 5 replies)

The hound of the matter
Dog crap. Why, oh why do people not clear up after their dog? Living in continental Europe as I do, the problem is worse here than in Britain, but it infuriates me no end that people cannot seem to take due care and attention when exercising their canine.

I've come a cropper of the crap once in 8 months, living in Amsterdam, which is about average for my track record in Britain, but this is beside the point. I've seen people let their prize poodle poop their present directly in the middle of the pavement, but it's not even done in malice, or with a slight smirk on the face. It's blatent unwillingness to think.

While out for a walk with a good friend of mine, his quadruped let one fly. "Have you got a bag?" I asked. "It's on the grass", he replied. But kids play in that park! Where's your sense of corporate social responsibility, man? He's American, he wouldn't understand those words.

I really sound like an old granddad, talking as if the world's gone mad, but this is just ludicrous. I'd accost someone when I see it occur, with such words as, "Menneer, uw hond heeft een cadeautje op straat gelaten. Heeft u een plastik tasje dabij, om hem weg te nemen?" However, I'm too chicken, and I'd probably be laughed at in return.
(nothingworn didn't eat cheese on, Sun 4 May 2008, 22:16, 5 replies)

Software
Or more specifically, when i'm installing software on my laptop, and it has extra stuff (crap) that is pre-selected.

If I want the extra crap, i'll select it. I don't want it installed just because I forget to deselect it.
(csc2ya also uses this name on xbox live, Sun 4 May 2008, 22:02, Reply)

Any knuckle-dragging, brain dead BNP supporter.
The fact that the BNP can even exist in this day and age is making me lose hope in the human race.

I had to listen to some idiot rant about how the BNP couldn't possibly be racist because "if you go on their website there are testimonies (they didn't use that word by the way) from doctors". As if being a doctor magically makes you a shining beacon of humanity.

Harold Shipman was a doctor. Joseph Mengele was a doctor. What does that fucking tell you.


I'll also throw in anyone who rants about "PC lefty's" and uses "Liberal" as an insult. Yes I have an open mind, and I'm fucking proud of it.

The only thing I cannot even attempt to tolerate is Fascism. The BNP's hopes and ideals do not seem (at least to me) far away from the Nazi ideals of ethnic cleansing.
(Badgers wear Corpsepaint it's true, I've seen them..., Sun 4 May 2008, 21:53, 3 replies)

FAMILIES IN FITNESS CENTRE SWIMMING POOLS
aaaaaaargh ... not only does the smug bastard of a dad insist on teaching his brats to swim breadths (hence fucking everything up for the exercising pensioners, serious swimmers and wheezing middle aged cunts like me trying to do lengths) but he's tetchy with it ... "don't bump my children" ??? "well don't make them swim across the path of half a dozen fucking swimmers you inconsiderate retard - would you teach them to jog *across* all six lanes of the M6?"

AND THEN?

"darling, we are enormously successful from a genetic point of view and have four children, making us a family of six and we have the au pair with us too ... which towels are ours?"

"i don't know darling, just scoop up the lot, we'll need them all anyway - everyone else in the pool is either elderly or a paedophile and doesn't deserve a towel..."

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Sun 4 May 2008, 21:43, 1 reply)

'baby on board'
Wtf is it with english people and 'baby on board' stickers, what like Im going to drive any slower because you have a sticker in your car, or maybe you cant drive attentively because you have a baby in the car.. Grr.
If it was 'making baby on board' then I'd be impressed
(The_artist_formally_known_as_alz0r, Sun 4 May 2008, 21:39, 3 replies)

cnuts
Apples, or rather people who eat apples loudly, wankers the lot of them.

Polo mints, they are made to be sucked, not crunched one after another like a fuking derby winner.
Free-loaders
In laws
...oh thats the same thing.


IT contractors who have obviously lied like fuck on their cv, who eat apples noisly, and ham butties, noisly.
(polar69, Sun 4 May 2008, 21:38, Reply)

Cunts in gyms
The men's changing room has a straightforward sign at the shower area saying "please dry yourself off here before going back to the lockers" or words to that effect ... but no ... people shower, then walk to the locker (dripping) to get their towel (because they're paranoid that someone will steal their towel which actually belongs to the gym so don't take their towels to the showers with them) and dry themselves at the locker ... five minutes later, some poor bastard gets undressed adjacent to a puddle of soapy, dirty water and INEVITABLY drops their shirt/socks/pants into the lake because

1. when you open the locker door, 50% of everything falls out
2. the benches are slatted with an aggregate 0.5" width and enjoy a cunning construction that throws shirt/socks/pants/ipods/mobiles into the small pond of dirty water on the floor WHICH IS ONLY THERE BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE TOO FUCKING CUNTISH TO DRY OFF AT THE TILED WET AREA

they are all wankers
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Sun 4 May 2008, 21:38, 2 replies)

Shopping Trolleys in Parking Spaces*
Is there any stronger indication of the sewer-bound direction of society than the practice of leaving shopping trolleys in parking spaces? Picture the scene; You've unwisely chosen to shop at Tesco on a Saturday afternoon, along with every sod and his dog. You crawl around the car-park in first gear, searching for that elusive space, as does the queue of cars behind you. At last! You spot a gap! But it's only as you pull up to it that you realise it isn't free; Some lazy cockwad has chosen to leave their trolley in it. You can't get out and move it for fear of the queue behind you lynching you there and then. So you have to carry on to Zone Z (you know, the part of the car-park where the more energetic BMW drivers park across two spaces).

What in the name of bollocks possesses people to leave their trolley in a space? No wonder the nation as a whole has a BMI of 412, when the average lardbucket considers the ten-foot walk to the nearest trolley-shelter is a bit too much. What's wrong with you, you lazy fucker? Worried you'll miss the beginning of Ant and Dec? Can't be arsed? Whatever it is, you clearly think nothing of offloading your problem onto a complete stranger, leaving them to deal with your tidying up. It's like a distilled reminder of what's wrong with the world today; Endless hordes of selfish tossrods who fart their way through life, dumping their problems onto the rest of us, expecting someone else to clean up after them. Odious, lazy cuntflags.

* NB 'Shopping Trolleys in Parking Spaces' would also make a good album track title for the Enemy, Hard-Fi, Reverend and the Makers or any other lumpy Virgin-Radio stodge-rock group, don't you think?
(costas, Sun 4 May 2008, 21:29, 4 replies)

British Tourists In Spain
Bunch of complaining cunts the lorrovem.

Especially the "cultured" ones who sit around moaning about other "uncultured" Brits who clearly share the same lack of imagination and desire to procure similar comestibles when they find themselves in close proximity on their typical choice of holiday destination.

Keep holidaying there so we know where you are, cunts.

End of.

*I have never been on holiday to Spain, it's full of dagoes.
(sham-il-eer-tak-tak noes better but still can't give a fuck at, Sun 4 May 2008, 21:21, Reply)

activia
it includes somethging called bifidus actiregularis which realy pisses me off
(PaulGadd -, Sun 4 May 2008, 20:55, 5 replies)

The New Co-op Ad
First there was "5 fruit and veg a day" which was annoying.

Then there was "3 wholegrain a day" which was infuriating.

Now it's "5 different colours of fruit a day" for fuck's sake.

Now they're just making shit up.
(Axeman Jim, Sun 4 May 2008, 20:37, 2 replies)

when adverts claim completely unproveable things you couldn't ever measure.
'improves 'shine' by 48& 1/2 percent! ' can boost hair volume by up to 32 point 6 percent!
how do you measure that?

the favourite one is when they claim things like smoking or whatever increases 'mortality' how the fuck does that work? you may be unaware that EVERY living thing on the earth has a 100% mortality rate. FACT. how you gonna increase that? ridiculous. you should just say 'buy our shit' and be done with it.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Sun 4 May 2008, 20:34, Reply)

Sun is good!
One of the reasons for leaving the UK is the constant amount of gloomyness and coldness.
For 364 days a year. Its generally cold, rainy and cloudy.
However, for one day only (usually when id be working all day) a miracle happens. And you get up and its warm! The sun is shining bright, and its glorious out there! I can go out of my house without having to put extra clothes on. Everything is lovely. Spirits are high, all happy. Until i hear the dreaded words of a winging cunt:

"Oh its too hot for me!" FUCK OFF! Get yourself outside, get some sun, enjoy it. It doesnt come along very often.

Anyway, i fucked off and Now I get the sun almost every day and the only people winging are british tourists.
(Miggyman, Sun 4 May 2008, 20:05, 4 replies)

Yearbooks...
OK, I’ll preface this by saying that this woman probably thought she understood the question. I really think she did. And she’s perfectly clean. But…
In a lot of yearbooks, graduating seniors are given a questionnaire to fill out to accompany their photo . They write their nicknames, fond memories, blah blah blah. And students can write their Pet Peeves which are usually ditsy (waking up, studying, lost friendships) or hick (blue lights, blue balls) or COMPLETELY MISUNDERSTOOD. My friend bypassed all the standard responses (and obviously didn’t refer to any past yearbooks for ideas) and wrote…


Clean Clothes.
( salamander, Sun 4 May 2008, 20:03, Reply)

British Tourists in Spain.
OK you fat hairy beer belly mongs. The temperature is only 25C. You do NOT, and i repeat do NOT need to sit outside a skanky british restaurant without so much of even a t-shirt on. Other diners do not want to see sweat dribbling down your fat wrinkly torso whilst eating.

Quite why restaurant owners even allow these fat naked blobs to sit there like this is perhaps more of an annoyance than the disgusting lumps themselves.
Its only 25C its not fucking 60. Get a grip. If its too hot for you, try holidaying in Iceland instead.

And thats another thing. You fucking british mong faced twats. Dont go to foreign countries parading around with Union Jack shorts on. No one is impressed, the locals certinately arent. Dont act like youre far away from home. Youre not, you fell off a short haul flight, and are one of many thousands that come here each year. The locals are used to you, and only put up with you because you give them money.
Your money allows them to live here, so that they can enjoy sea sun and sand every day, unlike you miserable lot who only get it for a couple of weeks a year.

And another thing, dont complain when its raining. The weather doesn't change just because your easyjet flight is landing. It may piss it down for 2 weeks, but you can be sure in the knowledge that once you fuck off it will get sunny again.

And another thing, in europe like the majority of the world. We drive on the RIGHT, thats right, its not hard to remember is it. The Right side of the road, is the right. So stop f*cking driving on the left. The other day i had to break for some fuckwit on the wrong side of the road, and this was an hour away from the airport. Did you not notice that everyones on the right?? If you cant grasp the simple concept of switching to the other side then take the bus.

Thats my rant for now. Its not even tourist season yet and the funs already starting.
(Miggyman, Sun 4 May 2008, 19:54, 2 replies)

Pet Peeve
Seeing my heartfelt and well written answer to this weeks QOTW dead and buried on (advert break) page 19 *sobs*
(bacontrout got ska, Sun 4 May 2008, 19:31, 1 reply)

That stupid bint on the national lottery
Who makes a big show of pushing the big red button when the draw is about to happen. The camera doesn't even bother to hide the fact that a bloke then saunters over to the machine and presses the real start button.
Christ, she gets paid enough, make her do it for real.
(turtles head is touching cloth poked a dwarf on the forehead at, Sun 4 May 2008, 19:26, Reply)

You have to understand that I'm normal
Right. I just can't stand it when people don't understand the importance of everything lining up properly, at right angles. Or being in alphabetical order. Even beer mats in the pub need to be in geometric patterns.

A new guy started at work the other week and sprawled across my desk when I was speaking to him about his new role, and pushed everything slightly out of line....inside I was screaming. I had to hide in the loo for a good 10 minutes choking back the all consuming rage that I felt. I could have eviscerated him, and then lined his entrails up perfectly parallel to other bits of his anatomy.
(Super Oaf Petit filous?, Sun 4 May 2008, 19:21, Reply)

Can't believe that I'll be the first to say this..
Waiters in Chinese restaurants. This one is totally universal.. Err, I suppose apart from people in China. Hold the phone! That has made me think.. Do you reckon in China they have English restaurants with white waiters that also don't fuck off? We need a Chinese B3ta equivalent to answer this. Name suggestions?

I digress. Another thing, "Would you like some water for the table?" TABLES DON'T DRINK!
(MunchMyBalloons, Sun 4 May 2008, 19:19, 1 reply)

Where do I start?
Daytime tv (Fern and Pip Silverfox getting the giggles is ok though) pisses me off as I am the target audience, the stay at home mum. Which I find insulting as it's all patronising crap.

Car seats, either they are not used when they should be (in a car) or they are used when they shouldn't be. Tiny babies strapped in the things nearly all day long, which fucks up their spinal development and lowers their oxygen levels (possibly buggering up their brain a bit). Yet nobody warns the parents so they carry on using travel systems etc oblivious to the risk.

Gina Ford and Claire Verity..I can write an essay on this. I was even on a documentary slagging off Gina once. You can't go treating babies in a way that totally ignores their physiology and not expect some kind of negative repercussion. Sadly for the babies the consequences are usually not obvious to the parents until years later.

Dog Shit. My kids' shoes always find it.
Nestle make me very angry too.

Sorry my peeves are really boring and parenting related. This talk of banning certain kinds of porn makes me angry too.
( moogy boobles, Sun 4 May 2008, 19:00, Reply)

Lazy Students
So I'm guilty of not being the most active of students (I can when I want to be).

However this laziness refers to an academic laziness. The type where they expect everything to be handed to them on a plate.

The exact details are inconsequential, but it really grinds my gears when speaking to fellow students about one topic or another, they express amazement that I know something that wasn't taught in a lecture. Then they follow it up with comments of 'how come we weren't taught that?' or 'We didn't get taught it so it won't come up on the exam'. Well actually it might, because, you know, it demonstrates that you're sufficiently intelligent enough to read a book, and put two and two together!

It's because the lecturers do have better things to do than recite whole books at you. We have a library for a reason, it's called studying. Books are written for a reason, to convey knowledge (and to make some money, but hey, we all have to live).

Use it.

Don't just assume that you'll get taught everything about a subject, you won't, subjects are huge, lectures have a limited amount of time. 1 hour.

And they wonder why I'm getting quite good marks...
( mister.f is now married, Sun 4 May 2008, 18:58, Reply)

Customers
Working for the Co-op means I get to see my fair share of ignorant idiots when it comes to serving age restricted products..

If you are lucky enough to look under 21, I will fucking I.D you. I wear a giant red badge stating this fact, so don't start tutting and mewling, just show me the I.D.

If you are acting like a prick and swagger up to the counter clutching a bottle of WKD, I will I.D you.

Waving your car keys in my face is not an acceptable form of I.D. Just because you drive your mum's Nissan Micra does not mean I'll be serving you any fags or booze.

I couldn't give a toss if you are actually 25, 45 or 105. Don't rant on about how you got served at Asda...fuck off back there then.

If you've left your driving license at home, don't look at me pleadingly and hope that I'll take pity on you and serve you, I won't.

You can swear and curse, stamp your pathetic little feet and bitch about how ridiculous we all are. I still won't be serving you 10 Lambert and Butler.

The majority of customers just produce their I.D, but there are still some cocky fuckers who think this is beneath them and have a fit in the middle of the shop.

If you have ever been asked to produce I.D and you have had a go at the till staff, they're just doing their job. We can get fined, arrested and lose our jobs if we are caught serving someone underage.

Oh and to the one arsehole who threatened to kill one of my staff because they wouldn't serve you a single can of Carling, it was us that put your car window through, you MASSIVE ARROGANT CUNT.
( Scary Mary The D'oh Fairy, Sun 4 May 2008, 18:47, 20 replies)

Switzerland.
Just that, the bunch of war-avoiding, semi-facist, smug gits.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Sun 4 May 2008, 18:42, 1 reply)

Lazy, manky bitches
.
At work, we have reasonably nice Ladies' toilets. I don't know what state the Gents' are in, I've never ventured in there.

The loos are cleaned on a two hour cycle, and the thing that bugs me most are the lazy bitches who dry their hands on the paper towels provided then lob them in the general direction of the bin. If it lands on the floor, they just walk away. I caught one, and called her on it, and her excuse was,

"It's the cleaners' job to pick them up, not mine."

No, you lazy cow, it's the cleaners' job to empty the bin, not spend the first five minutes picking up paper towels you were too lazy to put in there. They have a limited time to clean each set of toilets, and wasting their time that way means that they skimp on the rest of the cleaning.

I don't imagine it's anyone's ideal job, and they're mainly young Polish lassies on minimum wage, but why do people think it's okay to behave like this? Would they do that at home, to quote my old teachers?

*breathes deeply, and vows to stop sweating the small stuff*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Sun 4 May 2008, 18:42, 3 replies)

Hot and cold taps
Goes to wash hands. Uses cold tap. The water is freezing. Turns on hot tap instead. Water is also freezing. 30 seconds later water is warm...ahhh thats better. 2 seconds later water is boiling. Swears fluently. Runs hands under freezing cold tap. Tries to explain the injustice of it to everyone. No one gives a shit.
(i dont get it tell them a badger got me, Sun 4 May 2008, 18:33, 1 reply)

Or
leave something in there that looks tasty and is completely packed with enough chilli (or insanity sauce or whatever) to blow their thieving heads off ...
(Foxinsockssir, Sun 4 May 2008, 18:32, Reply)

Commercial radio.
I absolutely loathe it. Century FM, Metro Radio, Smooth FM, Galaxy, Virgin - utter wanksocks, the lot of it. The same half dozen tracks played in endless rotation by shite 'woo look at me, I'm a crazy motherfluffer and I don't care who knows it' DJs; all broken up every 15 minutes by crap adverts with badly acted regional stereotyped characters urging you to sue the arse off anyone who so much as looks at you in the wrong way.

*Breathes*

It's just shit. Really, really shit. I just can't believe how vastly, hugely, mindbogglingly shit it is. I mean, you might think that BBC radio is shit, but that's just peanuts compared to commercial radio.

Apologies to Douglas Adams for the last bit
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Sun 4 May 2008, 18:06, 3 replies)