I assume the real trip got cancelled...
In 1985 my nursery school's end-of-term trip was to a teacher's house to have an indoor picnic in her living room!

We had to be really quiet the whole time because her husband worked nights and was in bed upstairs!
(hello_kitty_litter, Mon 11 Dec 2006, 6:10, Reply)

In the hotel room, we decided to remake the Mr. Hankey scene from his first episode of South Park
Only instead of writing on the mirror with poo, we used cheese-in-a-can.

nyomnyomnyomnyomnyom.

In that same hotel, the hallways were built so that you could look down and see all the other floors. So we looked down...and saw a hotel employee in one of the rooms, curtains open, having a vigorous wank to a porno video.
( KersaI Missive Free Michael Shields! with Monday's Liverpool Echo, Mon 11 Dec 2006, 5:04, Reply)

Apple Pie
Not school, but camp.

Every year, my summer camp takes all the campers on a trip to a local amusement park, no big deal.

Well, the summer of '01, we were heading back to the camp, and stopped at a McDonald's for dinner. One of the boys purchased an apple pie immidiately before re-boarding the bus. He spies a few girls on the back of the bus, and spreads the pie on his manbits, after which the girls lick it off.

Needless to say, he got kicked out for the rest of the summer, and now boys and girls have to ride separate buses.

Although, I think it's quite funny as a) he was 12 at the time, and 2) had a severe speech impediment:

"Um... I was wondewing if you would wike to wick appwe pie off my extwemities."
(I bape rabies Let's go get Chick-fi-A!, Mon 11 Dec 2006, 2:53, Reply)

Oh yes, another one
A school trip, put on around summer time, as it was a rememberance service for the Padley Martyrs (coupla Catholics round Hathersage way whon Liz the first lynched for not recanting their faith- muppets) and we went for a tramp on the moors afterwards. It was at this time I was mugged by a sheep for my banana. I've been traumatised ever since.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 11 Dec 2006, 0:27, Reply)

living off the land
Went on a school trip to the lake district, one of those outward bound places. On one night we had to orienteer to a spot, camp there the night without a tent and in the morning return to a collection point.
We were given a bag of trail mix each and a bottle of water.

We actually dined rather well though with grilled trout and pheasant for supper and birch sap to drink.
I had been poaching since I was seven years old and the land we were walking across was just a big larder to me.
My kudos amongst my mates was increased exponentially as until then I was always thought of as a little swot.
I think the highlight was showing them some badgers that we got within ten feet of when they emerged from their set. I swear it was the first time that any of them had ever seen one in the wild.
(Stunt slug If God existed I'd want to fight him, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 23:55, Reply)

School Trip


I have a fairly boring childhood and not the fondest of school memories, but there is a particularly good one that stands out.

We were going to the beach for some biology malarkey, something to do with crabs and fish. I don’t remember the exact details, but I didn’t care anyway due to when we arrived the hottest girl in school asked me if I wanted to ‘play in the sand’, which of course I did. So, after much playing, we returned to the group only to find our 25 year old blonde teacher in a bikini sunbathing. We all sat around watching her until I heard a friend screaming in the sea. Naturally I ran over to help, only to see him clutched in the jaws of a great white shark.

I managed to free him and pulled his rotting carcass out of the sea, then wrestled the shark into submission using a nearby sword that was perched in the sand. All of my friends cheered in delight, including the teacher who demanded I should ‘take me now’, which I gladly obliged to, right in front of everyone. The hot girl even cooked a burger just from the sunlight, so I had a snack to eat once I’d finished.

Being a thoughtful fellow, I dragged the shark from the sea by its tail and barbequed it for all of my friends. A couple of passing police officers, a knight and a girl that I can only imagine was dressed as a mermaid joined us while all congratulating me and declaring me an honorary jedi knight.

It’s a shame time passed so quickly, but the day drew to a close and I lay there on the beach, content in my own awesomeness, knowing that I had truly made a difference in the world. The pink sky was beautiful and I saw out the evening with an intelligent conversation with a cheerful crab about the taste of diet coke.

And that’s when I realised those mushrooms I had the night before fucking rocked.
( Regger, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 23:50, Reply)

On one coach journey
to the zoo I desperately needed to use the onboard loo. Mid-piss I notice one the teachers pulling at the corner of the rather flimsy door and peeking through. She starts to berate me, explaining that I should ask permission to use the facilities, all the while looking at my pissing cock. I really should have reported her, but I was fairly naive at the time. This along with the time I got caught mooning by one of the teachers explains why I feel so ill at ease with myself.
( Goldfish_, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 23:46, Reply)

Bit of a Repost but still...
So, picture the scene.

4 rather uppity French teacher's decide that the best way to get a group of 60 snotty 11 year olds into their new French lessons is to take them on a day trip to Boulogne. Yes, thats right, a DAY trip. The whole excursion was to last 24 hours....oh if only it was that simple...

We left the school at 11pm and set off on our merry way. A 'quick' stop of at Oxford Services turned into a 'long and frantic looking for the lost child and adult guardian' stop, where we spent just over 1hrs looking for this coupling. They were of course, signing up for an RAC membership and sorting out some double glazing for thier new front room.

Moving on from Oxford found us at the channel tunnel and onwards to France. After arriving we cruised down their lovely Autoroutes only for the gear box of one of the coaches to break down. We were to stop of at a Supermarche, so this required the one coach driver to drive to the shop, drive back for the other kids, and then back again.

Here the same family who had bought the RAC membership, decided to do a bit of a booze cruise, stocking up on liquors of all shapes and sizes. This 'over-stocking' caused their trolley to buckle and for the contents to splash /break upon/corrode the tarmac below (well if you will use the equivalent of a B&Q heavy loading trolley what do you expect?)

After moving on from the Supermarche, we arrived in Bolougne. Here, the coach driver decided to drive down a narrow (and busy) one way street. As with all good British bus drivers he was going the wrong way down said street. This caused much anger with our French counterparts. So much so, that said British driver got out and nearly started a punch up...


In Bologne, during a gentle afternoon of shopping and drinking, one of the parent helpers (read "Parents wanting a free trip to France") had her bag nicked from outside a shop. Cue, spending 4 additional hours at the police station with the teachers trying to translate all the proceedings.

After all of this we moved back to the Channel Tunnel, only to be stopped by the Ministry of Transport. (This was of course during the Foot and Mouth crisis so I stuffed my home made bacon sandwiches down my throat). We were ordered of the coach and seats were slashed open.

Of course, due to all the extra ferrying around that the coach driver had done, he had completed far more hours that he could legally and his tacograph showed this. Result? A 7 hour wait in customs while substitute driver is supplied by coach company.

Eventually, he arrives and we are taken home...


All this for 60 excited 11 year olds...



They didn't run the trip again



*sigh*
( Grinned2Death knows what Willis was talking about, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 23:13, Reply)

Another one
Just thought of another one.

In year 7, we went to Germany for the end of term. Handily, we decided to drive by coach. As anyone who has driven there before will testify, it is a bastard long way to go, about 36 hours before you even hit the Rhineland.

Now, it being an all boys school, we got no sleep whatsoever, what with drawing on people's faces, human buckaroo and endless gameboy games. When we finally got there, our hotel was dismal, with dimly lit corridors and rooms, and damn in most of the rooms.

We arrived about mid afternoon, and went into the local town. whilst walking around, having stayed up for a good two days straight, i felt a bit faint. This progressed to a strange state where everything was spinning and blurry around the edges, and I was wandering around the town like this. I must of looked absolutely bladdered before I even knew the joys of alcohol.

Anyway, it wasn't as bad as the trip where people got flick combs confiscated. Flick combs! I ask you... what are they going to do, slick your hair back to death?
(Urban Hermit Exit, pursued by a bear on, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 22:57, Reply)

Music trip
In yr9 i went on a music trip with my school. It was really shit, but the most vivid memory of it was that we had been walking back to the campsite where we were staying. I needed to take a big shit. I therefore went straight for the loos. I then farted the longest fart of my life, probably for around twenty seconds. I then proceded by the usual, washing hands, etc. I then left and i could hear giggling from people i knew and i saw a guy that i knew called Mike, and this girl he fancied called Nina. I then went back to my tent, thinking nothing of it. Mike then came back to the tent looking disgruntled, and said to me "Couldn't you have kept yourself from farting, i was asking out Nina!" Hilarity from my behalf then ensued.
(alexlightfoot1 has to do toilet on, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 22:44, Reply)

Frankfurt
We went to frankfurt last week for lower sixth IT/Business Studies/Tech trip. We arrived in frankfurt to find out that our hotel was right on the edge of Red Light District. So every time we left the hotel we would see a naked woman somehow. Though the funniest and weirdest part of the trip was when a friend decided it would be fun for the group of three of us to buy female thongs, parade in them in our room, take them off , then give them to an unsuspecting friend, who would theoretically think it was a girls, and maybe play around with them, then we would show him pictures of us in them in the morning. While we were parading in them, he walked in to see us in thongs, and was speechless. It was less funny when the teachers walked in...
(alexlightfoot1 has to do toilet on, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 22:30, Reply)

we went to france for the day in year 8
i take a certain ammount of pride from the fact that we were the last year they ever took abroad for the day.

the whole year combined must have bought near 10 thousand fireworks. we went mental.

there were rockets being fired at cars building and alike. bangers being let off in shops. 13 year old kids running round with flick knives. the most ambitious buy was the kid with the nunchakus.

it was the best school trip since sliced bread.

it was a bit shit when my best mate got suspended for setting off bangers on the ferry but it wasnt me so who gives a fuck.
(fwack bang on it, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 21:11, Reply)

You couldn't make this up if you tried...
My best friend teaches at a secondary school in Leicester. He went on a school trip to France with his Y10s...The trip was a catalogue of disasters amongst which the hotel wasn't finished so there weren't enough rooms for the kids, then the coach driver managed to a) go the wrong way and b) crashed the coach. To top it all, they got back to Leicester and found an asylum seeker stowaway in the luggage compartment! At least he got to the right place ;)
(SpongyMonkey is an honorary East Anglian on, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 20:49, Reply)

Menstrual France
For some reason, I missed out on a trip to France with my year when I was in my third year at high school. I could have been ill or something - anyway, the second years went shortly after the third years came back, so I went with them instead.

I was the big boy, and everyone kinda looked up to me. I got all the sausages at meal times, and everyone would listen, enthralled as I regaled them with Third Year stories, helping them appreciate the hidden wonders of Mid-School life. I also got kudos off the ladies of the group, but sadly no handjobs.

One evening, I was scaring the shit out of a group with some spooky stories. We all retired to sleep. In the morning, we were all awoken by a scream. Hurtling down the corridor, we opened the door of one of the girl's dorms, to find blood smeared down the left hand door of the wardrobe. The issuer of the scream had just discovered it.

Everyone was questioned. No-one admitted to having smeared the blood - everyone was jumpy anyway, 'cos of my storytelling Skillz the previous evening. The teachers weren't too sure what had happened.

The next morning, another scream. There was now blood in another girl's bed, and in the bathroom.

The girl was questioned - it turns out she had her first period. Her parents must have been shit, as she had no idea what was happening to her poor 12 year old body. So she mopped up what she could with her hands, and wiped it on the wardrobe door, and, I assume, thinking she was some kind of freak, hoped it would go away. Then, obv, she slept and bled all evening. Quite a heavy one too.

So, yes. That was my introduction to the wonder that is Menstrual Fluid. It was also my introduction to tits (I got a sneaky glance at a rather fine pair of buds), and I sniffed a bra. Not quite sure why, but I liked it.

School trips are ace.
(V3lvetPresley, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 20:46, Reply)

Germanland!
Our shool had a 3 day trip to germany, (one day there, a day in germany and a day back), and well ......i dont like it! Anyway, on the way we stopped at a services and my friend had a burger from a dodgey lookin wimpy. Needless to say from then on every time we stopped, he took a crap in every service sation from crewe to london!

Not only that, but being the lads we all were in school, you couldent sleep on the coach as people kept messing about. Putting hola hoops and bits of paper in your mouth or clicking the arm rest down if you were sleeping on it.

When getting to germany i had reeeally bad stomach cramps, and had to walk about 2 miles around bastard germany. And being forced to eat a chicken curry, plus being forced to order something in the german language overall made me not like germany. And to top it off, some spac shit his pants on the way back, and the smell made me throw up when we got back!

But i'll give it one thing, before they were on the euro you could get a huge can of pepsi for like 0.30 deutch mark things!

Danny
(Da[]\[][]\[]Y Well.....That was nice, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 20:03, Reply)

excellent fun...
Just after I'd left sixth form, I went back for a trip to Wales with the vocal group (yep... I know). Being of official drinking age I was allowed to spend each evening with the staff and their numerous bottles of red wine. Hanging out of a window smoking Marlboro reds at three in the morning with one of the science teachers is something I'll never forget. I also had quite a lot of fun trying to sing the next morning.
(whatktdid, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 19:24, Reply)

I got perved on a school trip
by a teacher. I was a skinny girl of 10, and we were on one of those youth hostel/coach/walking trips. Great fun - we stayed in Staithes on the North Yorkshire coast and visited a pre-Heartbeat Goathland.

One day, I left something on the bus and a teacher escorted me back for it. I walked down the aisle to my seat, picked up the rainhat or whatever, and suddenly found the teacher standing close behind me, apparently having trouble breathing.

He took hold of my shoulders, turned me round to face him, and then shoved me down onto the seat, gibbering, 'That's not your seat! That's not your seat! Why are you sitting on there? That's not your seat!'

I was soon flat on my back, with him kneeling between my legs, holding me down by one shoulder and leaning right down into my face, still muttering.
After about a minute in this position he jumped up and walked away, getting off the coach and striding away back to the group.

I was 10 and had NO clue what he was up to. I knew something 'wrong' had happened but had no words to complain about it, even if I'd dared to. So I never told anyone.

A full 10 years later, I realised what had happened, or rather, what had NEARLY happened.

I sometimes wonder what else he did, and which poor kids copped it - I can't believe I was the only one.

Maybe I'll ring the local LEA and make a belated complaint.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 18:49, Reply)

Nursery School
When I was three years old, one of the "Aunties" at my nursery school announced that later in the morning she would be taking anyone who wanted to come on a walk to the local garden centre to look at pretty flowers and stuff. I tagged along seeing as it was a bit of a novelty. When we got there it was predictably boring of course.

Amongst the other kids were these three boys who I used to think of as my nemesis. They seemed like really big boys (although I guess they were probably about a year older than me) they were always monopolising the best toys and generally being a right pain in the arse. Well, the three naughty boys were amusing themselves at this garden centre by climbing on a statue. They were doing this in full view of the Aunties and so obviously I assumed that it was okay to join in. I dashed over to this statue and started climbing all over it, only to be dragged off it by Auntie Bitch and given the bollocking of my life whilst I tried to explain my reasons for assuming that this statue was in fact a climbing frame in disguise. She wasn't impressed and enveloped my arm in a vice-like grip for the rest of the trip. This meant that not only were all the other kids laughing at me but I couldn't look at anything interesting because I was stuck next to Auntie Bitch the whole time, getting nothing but a stellar view of her frumpy skirt. Oh, and also a stellar view of the three naughty boys, who were still happily running around and climbing things.

By the end of the trip, I had finger-shaped bruises on my wrist from where she'd been holding it, and she wasted no time in telling my mother that I'd been a complete shit - generating another bollocking for me and no doubt a huge amount of embarrassment for my mum.

Auntie Bitch also never allowed me on a field trip ever again.

Auntie Bitch, if you're reading this, I'm 24 now and can climb all the statues I want. So cock off, you menopausal old trout.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 16:38, Reply)

Bus Journey
I have luckily had many highly enjoyable and engaging school trips, some of them verging on the brilliant.

However, I do recall one way back when I was 11.

It was, I'm ashamed to say, and activity holiday for the school boy's choir, of which I was a member.

I spent the whole way there sitting in the front of the cramped minibus, with a boy who had a nosebleed for the ENTIRE journey sitting on my left, who made lots of noise and fuss, and the slightly-dodgy music teacher (who later confirmed our suspicions by being locked-up after child-porn and worse was found on his computer) on my right, trying to make slightly disturbing conversation throughout the whole five hours.

Things did not pick up from there.
(WarneMarsh My priority for frivolity begets quality jollity, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 16:34, Reply)

From the creators of 'The Red Shoe Diaries'
Every year, as a farewell, our school organised an annual trip for its seniors. The year I went, as we were over the Mediterranean our plane ditched into the sea and our teachers died. Most of us survived. Ralph decided we should worship a conch (What was he smoking?) and to cut a long story short, Piggy was crushed by a rock and alot of other shit went down. We found a hatch, were attacked by the others and picked off one by one until I was left alone with Wilson, a new guy at our school who, due to a birth deformity, was born in the shape of a volleyball. I lost alot of weight, made fire,performed ice skate -dentistry and eventually escaped to forge a mediocre and bland acting career playing John Everyman. The irony of the situation was that there was no need to be on a plane at all as our school was in Manchester and our trip was to the Big W 6 miles away... How we laughed!

This story may infringe on the works of William Golding, J.J Abrams, William Broyles Jr. or Cyndi Lauper.
(clusterfuck detesting 'length' jokes since, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 15:06, Reply)

European Trips
I went on a school trip to germany once. We had to share beds. I pity the person who had to share with the stinky girl who wet the bed...

My school also went to greece once, i never went but it has become legend now. It is a boarding school so lots of people had booked their flights home for 2 weeks later. On the morning of the trip the bloody greeks had gone on strike so they couldnt fly. instead they took a bus to dover, missed the ferry so had to wait for the next one. got to a random carpark in france, took all luggage out the bus and waited an age for anther one to come along. Got to a french airport where the escalators only went up. Arrived there 2 days later. By then all the airports were open and they would have been able to fly the day before. to top it all off one of the few staff was puking his guts out for the whole thing and insisted on sleeping in the middle of the floor...

sorry for length and lack of funnies.
(Abel wants to see if that new thing works, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 15:01, Reply)

Well and truelly stitched up....
In my last year of junior school we were taken to the lake district to see the glorious scenery (a bunch of 10 year olds!!). The 'highlight' of this little jolly was a tour of William Wordsworth's house (again, what the feck, we were 10). On this particular day i was not in the mood for my cheap slimy school cheese sandwiches in a bag with my name on it, and threw them in a bin in the car park.... some total toerag then took the plastic bag from the bin and proceded to take a long yellow piss into it before leaving it on the step of the bus. upon returning from the most boring tour of my life i was hauled up in front of the whole coach by the teachers and given a huge bollocking before being made to carry a bag of someone elses piss back to the hostel where i was made to apologise to the woman who made the sandwiches in the first place. Well fucking stitched up. Bastards.
(jademonkey We gonna need a bigger boat..., Sun 10 Dec 2006, 14:56, Reply)

Fairly off topic
After completing the Nijmegen Vierdaggse, and then all my Duke of Edinburgh awards, I was asked to lead a group of younger kids around their Bronze expedition for my school.
Now I was 18, they were all around 14-16, and they were clueless. Couldn't find their arse for their elbow, let alone navigate along fields using a map and compass.

One kid got on my nerves from the very start. A whiny fat kid with ill fitting boots, about 5lb too much weight in his pack and a nasty temper.

About half way through day two we wander down a particularly rough track, doing about 2km/h due to fat kid and his knee problems (read as 'being a whiny bastard'). I warn everybody to watch their footing as there would be potholes in the area.

Guess who not only falls into a pothole, but also brakes his ankle, prompting me to call in the air helicopter (we were about 5 miles from any roads), and call a big end-ex to the entire trip.
The fat kid.

I swear I had a little smile on my face as he sat there whimpering in pain while we bunked down and had a cuppa waiting for the damn chopper.
( Pointy Head poked another hole in my anorak on, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 14:32, Reply)

Quantum leap stylee
We went to some lame ass leasure centre, an they offered everyone a choice for the afternoon, either play squash, or play pool (!). I went squash, while all of my then mates played pool and called me a gay. We later heard a massive riot took place in the pool room, cues broke over backs, lights and windows smashed, pool tables danced on and felt torn off to make makeshift whips. All the main offenders (my little scrote friends) went into a spiral of punishment/retaliation, which resulted in them being drug dealing smack heads. I feel squash saved my life, as I would have undoubtably been the ring leader if I was there. Thank you ziggy.

It's long, but I'll love it regardless.
(noswalrm, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 14:13, Reply)

Not a school trip, but a work one
and it amused me when it happened yesterday.

So, it's day trip to France time - cheap booze from a shopping centre packed with ignorant Brits and justifiably disgruntled Frenchies. Being open to all, one person brought her husband, their 16-year-old son and his equally young girlfriend along.

The driver warns everyone that we need to be back on the coach at the times he says as he won't wait or we'll miss the ferry.

The coach duly arrives at its last pickup in the centre of Calais and there are two worried-looking teenagers sat near the back sans parental supervision. Where are they, and where are the kids' passports? Trying to get on a different coach to meet us at the ferry terminal.

What does passport control think of this? You can't come through without your passports. Cue two increasingly worried teenagers sitting on one side of passport control while a group of adults stand on the other laughing at them and saying it'll all get sorted.

To cut a long story longer, the kids were eventually allowed through without either the parents or their passports. They merely had to face a few immigrant releated questions and one of them was able to produce his id card for a local proof of age scheme.

The parents met them on the ferry, but only after all the substitute parents on the coach had offered plenty of advice about how to milk the situation.

The End
Ijon, aged 27 and a half.
( Ijon Tichy, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 10:30, Reply)

Lost at Sea! - Nearly
We went out on a school trip to the beach on Thursday, 17 July, 2003. That was one hell of a trip! I was there as an adult supervising, along with one other adult and two teaching staff. We'd planned for a BBQ and to play some games on the beach. We got there and started setting up and the kids asked to go down and play on the beach. We let them go down and told them not to go into the sea. Kids being kids - they went down to the sea and started pissing about. It was 10 minutes or so when we had sorted all the stuff out that a student came running back saying some of the kids had been pulled out to sea. We thought they were joking and wondered down - little did we know all hell was breaking loose!

The sea had turned, it suddenly became very violent, the clouds darkened and it became freezing - just like what would happen in a movie! - We started trying to get out to the kids but they were too far out, past the sand bar and I grabbed the mobile and dialled 999. Within 20 minutes, we had any amounts of ambulances, 4x4 coastguard jeeps, a helicopter and some lifeboats on the way! (I felt quite pleased)

Bla-Bla everyone was rescued, we even made the news (and the international headlines later that night)

Here's the proof;
* - news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/tyne/3074759.stm

* - https://mcanet.mcga.gov.uk/public/news/release.asp?mcga_news_id=2279&month=7&year=2003

As you can guess, the Mirror took things to the extreme! www.mirror.co.uk/news/allnews/page.cfm?objectid=13190390&method=full&siteid=50143
(KevAkas, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 9:52, Reply)

Group train tickets
We went on an A-level English day trip to see a lecture or something (I can't actually remember what) in Manchester. There was about 8 of us and the school got us on a shared train ticket.

On the way back, we changed at Liverpool to get on to the local line. One of my friends had the group ticket and thought it would be great for he and three other of us to get on the train, wait for the rest to get on and then jump off as the doors were about to close.

I'll never forget the look on the rest of the party's faces as the train slid out of the station with us waving the ticket at them from the platform. We got the next train 15 minutes later expecting them to be waiting at the other station but they weren't.

The next day back in school it turned out they'd had to explain what had happened to the ticket officer when they got off. Our English teacher told us the head master wasn't happy about it and told us off, though she did all that with a smirk on her face. Happy days.
(hagis_uk, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 9:10, Reply)

The legend of the Shrunken Heads
Back a few years (2001-02) in year 7 we were taken on an art trip to some world history/culture museum. This museum was a bit dated so there were very few glass cases. As we lads were bored, wandering round making doodles of stuff we come across the shrunken head display. On an open shelf.

Year 7 boys + occult heads. Magic.

I merely make the comment of "I wonder how well they fly" and soon enough someone has picked one up and lobbed it across the room.
Into a pack of girls and pikeys from another school.

Chavs retort with head#1. We retort with more heads.

It's in my nature to start things and make myself pretty scarce just before the shit hits the fan so I can avoid any blame, So off I & best mate run to the upper gallery to catch about 2 minutes of head bombardment.

The opening scene of Saving Private Ryan has nothing on this.

One of the heads loses it's way and ends up in the gift shop where it tonks someones grandmother on the head.... oh dear.

Security & teachers are called.
And then (the best bit) one of the teachers from the pikey school picks up a head and throws it at our music teacher.... oh dear.

The bombardment starts again briefly before the big, fat, museum owner comes over and wails like a banshee. It's over. Both schools leave early and are forever banned.

Bus ride back in complete silence, one boy makes some poor joke about heads.
The music teacher whirls round in his seat, almost exactly the same way as the velociraptors in Jurassic Park do when they smell prey.... oh dear.
The glare shuts that kid right up.

We return, there's phone calls home, 2 kids expelled and a formal apology to the museum. The school trips there now have a screening process on the people who should be allowed to go.

Length? Yeah I guess
(Good Looking Deity Grew a magnificent beard on, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 8:26, Reply)

Residence Piss-Up
In my first year of university, a bunch of us in my residence decided to hire a yellow school bus and have a night out in the Big City an hour away. The bus driver, probably from the voice of experience, demanded a $50 deposit from us in addition to his fee, to guarantee that nobody would puke on the bus during the ride. Already being hardened drinkers, with no chance of losing our dinners, we laughed at him but had no choice but to cough up the cash.

We were well pre-loaded by the time the bus got there, and spirits were high as we set off down the highway. Naturally about 10 minutes into the journey the need to pee became urgent for most of us, and all kinds of inventive solutions were found for emptying our bladders, from empty beer bottles to condoms (which do quite a nice job of holding piss by the way). Eventually somebody asked the driver if he would stop as there was a desperate need for relief, and he pulled over.

It was a hilarious scene: a yellow schoolbus stopped on the side of the freeway, with about 30 of us dotted around the verge having a slash while a busy stream of traffic raced past. The girls ran for the bushes, but the boys couldn't be bothered and let loose in full sight.

Then back on the road and into the city, where we had a grand time in a bar with a 90-year-old piano player and his 70-year-old wife singing bawdy songs. It was great, and many beverages were enjoyed by all.

The way back, and many of us started to realize that being in a bouncing, vibrating bus while under the effects of some pretty serious alcohol consumption was not the most settling thing for the stomach. It didn't take long to discover that puking out the window led to streamers of nachos & pizza all down the side of the bus, a good part of which found its way back inside through the open windows further back. But being ever-resourceful, we found all kinds of ways to hide our condition from the driver -- we weren't going to lose our $50 deposit for anything.

Then one creative but green-at-the-gills young lady, remembering our pee-break on the way in, went up to the driver with a similar idea in mind. "Could you stop the bus please," she said, "I think I need to...."

BLEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGH!!!!!

All over the floor next to the driver, splattering everybody nearby and causing a yellowish puddle to run up and down the aisle of the bus for the rest of the journey. And that set off most of the others who had managed to keep their jaws clenched up to that point as well. All in all it was quite a messy bus by the time we got home.

We didn't get our deposit back.

It was worth every penny.
(arvana, Sun 10 Dec 2006, 7:01, Reply)