b3ta.com qotw

Home » Question of the Week » Shoplifting » Latest | Search

Shoplifting

When I was young and impressionable and on holiday in France, I followed some friends into a sweet shop and we each stole something. I was so mortified by this, I returned them.

My lack of French hampered this somewhat - they had no idea why the small English boy wanted to add some chews to the open box, and saw it as an attempt by a nasty foreigner oik to contaminate their stock. Not my best day.

What have you lifted?

(

chthonic, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 11:13)

Pages: Latest, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, ... 1

This question is now closed.

Daylight Robbery
Well as some of you may know, I was once a department Manager at a Sainsburys store. Once a week, at the same time, the camera which kept an eye on the Audio/Visual cage would undergo some checks. During the day it was never locked. So during those checks I'd help myself to an item of interest. Anyway, they knew stock was going missing, so they randomised the checks.

So instead I would often just help myself to whatever came in at the rear reception where all the deliveries were made. The guys on the back always remained logged into their handset check-in accounts... so I would check the stock in and minus from the invoice what I wanted.

Total Booty that left the shop during my little spree:

17 CDs
22 DVDs
14 Games
6 Books
and 3 wrongful sackings of suspected thieving staff.

They loved it, the slags!
(Spluff McDuff You Love It. You Slag!, Thu 17 Jan 2008, 1:25, 3 replies)

James & the Giant Beer Trophy
Long old time ago, was returning from newly opened vodka bar in Manchester with suitably shit-faced mates... Looking out of the window of the bus as we passed the Withington flea-pit cinema, we saw a giant inflatable peach moored on the roof to promote (you guessed it) James & the Giant Peach. (1996 according to imdb.com)

After a drunken discussion about what a superb beer-trophy that would be, we got of at the next stop & piled into a kebab emporium for our staple sweaty lamb meat with weapons-grade chilli sauce

Suddenly we realized we were missing someone. A certain mad Geordie fella with an amazing ability to fall asleep anywhere when he'd had a few... We set off to find him, expecting to find him asleep sat on a doorstep, kebab in hand (again). Suddenly he comes running down the street shouting 'Av done it! Av fkn done it!', 'Done what?','Av nicked the fkn Giant Peach man!!!'

Mad pissed nutter had scaled a drainpipe, burned through the cords holding it in place with a fag lighter, chucked it off the roof & hidden it in a stairwell round the side. We nonchalantly stood around in front of it finishing our scran before running with it up Wilmslow Rd to Fog Lane Park for the funniest & most surreal game of vodka-fuelled Giant-Peach football you could imagine! Eventually it punctured & someone folded it up & took it home & we retired for spliffs & bed...

/length? Running about half mile up Wilmslow Rd bouncing an obviously nicked 5 foot tall Peach without getting caught by cops was damn lucky...
(Veni Vidi Lurki had attitude constipation on, Thu 17 Jan 2008, 0:05, 2 replies)

pub theft
a few weeks ago i was out in the pub with a group of mates. this was back up in cheshire where the police have so little to do that i had once been threatened with arrest for walking out of a pub with a half pint glass.

so there we were, it was about midnight and it was vodka shot time.

the nice girl behind the bar produced these fabulous shot glasses - coincidentally there were 8 of us, and each shot glass in the 8 part set had a beautiful different coloured letter. all together the set spelt out:

S-M-I-R-N-O-F-F.

i wanted them for my flat so badly (although to put frozen grey goose or citrus absolut in, not smirnoff. mmm. frozen vodka. anyway.). badly enough to make everyone tip their shot down their throat and their glass into my handbag. even though my bag was tiny and bulged and clanked suspiciously. still. i was drunk and i was happy.

until a few minutes later. the formerly friendly barmaid came up to the table to collect the glasses. her eyes narrowed, her hands flew to her hips, and her lips thinned out.

"where are those shot glasses?" she hissed.

shit. shit.

"er, your colleague collected them," i stammered. she looked at my bulging bag.

"no he didn't. he's downstairs. we take a dim view on theft, you know."

shit. SHIT. not as dim as the law society's view and i'm a solicitor............

"he did," i insisted wildly, remembering the blues and twos that went off over the half pint episode all those years ago.

"i'll go and check," she snapped, and sashayed off down the stairs. quick as a flash, i jumped to my feet and fled down the back stair fire escape. oh my god the door was stuck... there were people everywhere... where was the goddam bar... shit, she's coming... finally i tipped the glasses in a heap on the bar and disappeared into the ladies just as she landed on the ground floor. thank fuck for that. criminal record avoided for this month, anyway.

i still reeeeeally want those shot glasses though.

i'd apologise for length, but it's better than working.
(

rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 23:20, Reply)

Drunken
After a particularly epic night out of uni, the following was recounted:

One friend had a handbag *full* of glasses; shots, wine, pints, a selection of everything. She didn't notice this until she got home - I had climbed behind the bar, one friend was passing me glasses to wash, and another was putting the (now clean) ones in her bag. How I didn't get kicked out that night, I do not know (especially given I was recently bodily removed from the same establishment for giving someone a hug).

The next part really did take the biscuit though... Another female friend had inside her bag... Another handbag. Nobody has any idea how she got it, where it came from. We did track down the owner and return that one, however.

After a similar night, my friends and I staggered bleary eyed into our shared Uni kitchen. Where we found a supermarket trolley. Given that we lived on the fifth floor, it was regarded as something of a triumph.
(Merrep, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 22:44, Reply)

At uni...
Relayed to me by a friend: The medical society, at the start of the year apparently had a competition: namely that everyone should attempt to steal/trophy something, with the best thing winning a prize. Competition mounted. The usual rubbish, such as traffic cones, roadsigns mounted up. People began upping the ante: sets of cutlery from restaurants etc. Someone went one step further, and nicked a policemans hat. Everyone is very impressed by the general standard, but one person decides he can outdo everyone. Comes back from a night out, having stolen... An Ambulance.

Dangerous, stupid (he predictably got kicked out), and he should have known better, but I cannot help but be impressed.
(Merrep, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 22:40, Reply)

shoplifting karma?
I'm thinking that those times as a kid spent stealing sweets/marbles/other crap has years later come back to bite me on the ass in the form of being double charged for grocery items at tesco every so often.

Length - no apologies even though it's a big'un..err the sentence above that is...
(Handel blah blah blah, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 22:13, Reply)

Not *quite* shoplifting, but still...
A fair while back, I got talking to an older fella in a pub and I ended going around his flat every week for two years to have a few beers and a natter (he was 65, and had the mind of a twenty year old. A right laugh, just couldn't get out much.)

Anyway, I invariably ended up introducing him to my mate Chris. Now Chris is in the RAF and one of the traditions of his flight is that he gets a 'souvenir' from every new place he goes to, which can get a bit fucking daft as you can imagine.

Well anyway, he wants something from Dave's flat. And I'm having none of it - I'm quite protective of Dave, he's a laugh as I said but for fucks sake, he's an old man, and there's no way I'm letting Chris take anything from the place. I warned him on the way in the car, and once again at the door. No. Fucking. Stealing.

The night progresses well. I'm keeping one eye on Chris's hands. Safely in his lap, or holding his beer. No sign of thievery.

It's time to say goodnight. We say bye and get in the lift. Chris looks glum, leaving so empty handed. I thank him for actually not taking anything and he just grunts. I'm satisfied.

I go to my battered old Escort and unlock the door. It's central locking, so the boot is now unlocked - and as I get in, Chris has opened the boot and is frantically trying to stuff something in.

"What the fuck...?" I begin, but Chris is already in the passenger seat, having managed to cram the mystery object into the boot, his face a picture of Hindu Cow calmness.

He told me what it was so I wouldn't have to get out, but still I couldn't quite believe it until I popped the boot and took a look.

The twunt didn't even want it in the end, he asked me to 'look after it'.

Once he nicked a full life size cardboard cutout of Gandalf the Grey from a skip outside Blockbuster, too. We had to get it home poking out the sunroof. He kept that one, though.

Apologies for length, it's my first post.
(oneltrchardonnay, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 22:13, 3 replies)

attempted freddo theft
Not far from me is a Cadbury's reject shop. on the counter there is a basket full of freddo chocs. I was browsing the mis-shapes one day, when i heard the checkout lady announce in a booming voice "are you going to pay for that!". On cue, the whole shop became silent and everyone turned to look at this shoplifting woman, who was, for want of better words, a bit of a posh type. She was rather sheepishly holding a Freddo. "I thought they were free!" she stammered. "No, you have to PAY for them!" replied the scary checkout lady, in a slightly sarcastic tone. Everyone in the shop rofl'd, and she ran to the door, red faced and threw the offending freddo at the counter.
(trickbaby, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 21:20, Reply)

An Eagle...
Round about 17 or so at our local at the time, myself and associates lifted a wooden eagle... was going to be a bugger to get a 2 foot wingspanned eagle out the door. Until we realised the wings came off!

Still have it, one day it will make it's way on to my fireplace. Oh and I always thought it was kinda cool it was stamped "Made in U.S.S.R." on the base...
(Jack Bravado, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 21:19, Reply)

Come on Ilene
Slighty off topic and not exactly shop lifting

I used to work at a computer games developer sweat shop in Chesterfield that was above a sarnie shop. One of the lads that worked there would gladly take peoples money for their orders (usually topping up to £10 a day) and come back with a chirpy smile on his face. This went on for weeks before I figured out what the crack was.

The shop was run by an elderly couple (Cliff and Ilene if I remember correctly). Cliff was the sort of man that couldnt concentrate withough sticking out his tounge and biting it, much to our amusement... especially with the beatroot, but I digress.

It turns out that Ilene was a bit batty and had a soft spot for us lads that worked upstairs. When Cliff wasnt around NO MATTER WHAT was ordered the old dear would turn round and say with a little whisper... "That's just 50p love".

Now good old Cliff was surely on to his batty wife as he would hang around in the shadows trying to catch her out and dive in with the correct total but there was always inevitably some distraction that left just Ilene on the till with great rewards to the buyer. Other times you would give her the right money and she would give you far more change than you was due... sometimes it was more money than you gave her in the first place!

Of course the scam didn't always work. People would come back from the shop with a sad look on their face saying "Cliff served me". Other times you would be charged 50p for some 15p chewing gum but you had to take the rough with the smooth otherwise it just didnt seem to add up.

Twas good whilst it lasted.

Last time I walked past the shop it was closed down. I like to think to myself that the smiley faced old dear drove him to an early bankrupt grave. Somehow that brings a smile to my face.

Not one of us EVER corrected her.
(SillyMoo, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 20:54, Reply)

The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 16 Jan 2008, 20:45, 2 replies)

Coke machine..
We had a one of the normal coke vending machines at the computer place I used to work at. Sometimes, generally early in the morning if you went for a can and pushed the top button for a coke two cans dropped out.
That was about as exciting as my life got working there!
(Titanix, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 19:56, Reply)

Transformers
When I was a wee nipper (about 9 or 10 I think) I nicked some ickle transformers (little audio cassette transformers) from the local Asda. I then bragged about it to one of my school mates who duly dobbed me in to the teachers at school which then lead to some bod from the Asda at my house giving me a telling off.

I got a right good hiding off my mother.

And it wasn't actually me that did it... all... I nicked one and my Dad nicked the other and gave it to me outside the store.

Parents eh?

My Dad wasn't too pleased either when I dobbed him in to my headmistress but he was old and wise enough to deflect the whole blame onto me.

I never had any transformers after that. Just Gobots, and as we all know they were the poor mans transformer.
(SillyMoo, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 19:40, Reply)

When I was a kid...
...shoplifted.

...got caught.

...got the shit scared out of me, intentionally but not literally, by a CID who looked like that burly ginger Scottish bloke that always plays the burly ginger Scottish bloke in Hollywood movies.

...got no end of grief from my mam for months.

...got the message and didn't do it again :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 19:25, Reply)

German Exchange - The Best display of kleptomania I've ever seen
Take a group of 13/14 year olds, let them loose in germany to learn about german culture and improve their language skills and what happens?

Possibly the greatest shoplifting fest ever!

Even the meakest student was not averse to 'going on the rob'. Booze, fags (why they kept them in baskets by shop checkouts, could they be anymore tempting even for a non-smoker!), ashtrays, china ornaments, porno mags, bennetton bags (v trendy circa 1987!) anything was game.

However, with all this tempting bounty on offer what did my friend and i do? Get caught in woolworths stealing three hair scrunchies! Did mention to her that we did have woolworths at home to no avail, Maybe she was homesick!

Shat it while in the security office, thought be going to get arrested, deported, sent to Auschwitz. With a pathetic bit of german and some crying they eventually let us go!
(DangerFlange Chamone Mother Hubbard, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 19:12, Reply)

Nightclubs, poorly attended bars & hubris
The man we shall call the toaster, for reasons I have never truly understood.

Scourge of numerous Nottinghamshire bars and husbands of sub-milfs everywhere. The guy is cocky and amazingly calm about just picking things up off of tables, like he owned them in the first place. I'm not talking about wallets, keys, watches, things of that nature. Mainly his targets involve drink.

To say he has developed a reputation as being somewhat of a scabby fucker is an understatement to say the very least, he once stopped at the chip shop at the bottom of hurts yard (shop filled alley and general night time urinal for Nottinghams market square)and proceeded to eat chips off of the floor in such a way to get the most attention possible. That was just the way he was and unfortunately at times, remains.

His usual trick when out on the razz was to simply take other peoples drinks rather than buy his own. Of course, this just falls into the category of "cheeky bastard" as opposed to pure unadulterated theft.

Getting onto the good stuff though, his best ones to date so far are as follows: -

1) Stealing a bottle of wine from behind the bar of a busy nightclub. He slipped under the hatch, grabbed it, slipped out and not one person noticed.

2) Whilst waiting for service in a bar, he successfully picked up pints that had been waiting to settle prior to top up, right from behind the bar-man who had just poured them.

3) Walking past a hen party in a nightclub and picking up a full bottle of champagne from a side table they had utilised as base of operations. £40 drink, free of charge.

When he gets truly going, we need never pay for a drink.
(

Muns, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 18:25, 7 replies)

Not a shop, Not technically theft.
A few years back, Ladbrokes online casino ran a bonus within which you simply had to deposit £100.00 and play it. They gave you £100.00 as a bonus and once you played that you could cash out.

Oh, and they had the option to automate blackjack to play in your particular style.

The Beauty of it all was that you were playing an exact mirror of the house way and were more or less guaranteed to come out even, or at worst a few quid down, so having played 100 goes at a quid a time, my account had the princly sum of around £103.00. This was what was fun about this though, you could then claim the bonus, take it to a table and without playing a stake remove the money from the table. It was then available for withdrawl.

I know this spread like wildfire and I personally managed to do it four times in total for roughly £390.00 profit in the space of an hour.

One chap I know who shall remain nameless, had numerous business accounts and utilised them all with this particular scheme to personally net around £4.5K in an evening.
(

Muns, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 18:14, Reply)

Ah yes
And I just remembered helping some stranded Irish girls, trying to visit their mother in hospital, to pay for their petrol.

Funny enough, their telephone number didn't work either....

The sad thing is that genuine hard luck cases will face a sea of indifference if people keep playing to 'niceness'. :o(
(clopinettes, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 17:58, Reply)

free sweets & fags
don't ever tell kids but the real way to steal sweets is:-

but them in your mate's pocket, then retrieve them when at a safe distance from the shop

obviously, not telling the friend gives you the kudos of being a risk taking rebel, but really you're a devious coward

we broke into the fag machine in the JCR at uni by smashing the little glass window. i didn't even smoke. they don't do fag machine windows any more...probably our fault

oh and mp3s...ha ha, goodbye EMI
(Darth Vodka, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 17:49, Reply)

Not technically shoplifting but...
I used to help out a mate (let's call him Mark) of mine who collected scrap cars. One day he comes round to mine to pick up one of my 'dead' bangers from the weekends racing, so we stick that on the back of the lorry and on the way have a look at a Vauxhall that someone had asked him to take.

We eventually find a Gold Vauxhall Cavalier (pay attention this is relevant)in a car park behind some flats in the rabbit warren that is one of the Crawley housing estates.
Problem is there's no keys to be found and we the bloke isn't answering his phone.

Mark comes up with the bright idea of towing it back to the yard behind the lorry with me driving, to be fair it was only a few miles and the car didn't look that bad. So we break in, disable the steeing lock and off we go.
After an eventfull journey (no brakes and very notchy steering)we get back to the yard and decide to have a look in the boot, only to find it full of kids toys, golf clubs and other stuff.

Finally the bloke who's car it is rings back to ask why we haven't taken his car yet....oops, his was a Red Vauxhall Chevette in the next car park along...bugger.

Mark then craps his pants, as he's been a bit of a naughty boy in the past and is well known to the local police, and decides to fess up and phone the local plod. I could actually hear the laughter on the other end of the phone as the rozzers heard the sorry tale. Their advice was 'put it back where you found it...quickly'
So we did.
Apologies for length and all that muck.
(

UKAC let me sniff your diff, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 17:32, Reply)

I've always wanted to play the pub theft game
where you go on a pub crawl and steal something from each pub which is bigger than the last thing you stole.

So you start off stealing matches and end up trying to lug a fruit machine or a pool table out without the landlord noticing.

Most I've actually stolen is the usual - pint and half pint glasses.
(

rhebus ac201fd270c3b96beab24f2829780ab2, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 16:40, Reply)

cow
I once tried to steal a raw cow from Smithfields market.
I had underestimated how heavy they are. After a minute of heaving I noticed a small goup of jeering butchers enjoying the show. They sent me on my way with a free pork chop for my efforts.
(

browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 16:22, 5 replies)

in the labs at uni
i spend a good couple of days rooting around the cupboard where the beakers were kept in order to pilfer enough 25ml beakers to make a set of shot glasses, after gathering up about 6 of them i carefully wrapped them in my lab coat so they would survive the journey home

the next day i return to uni, get out my note book my pencil case, my safety specs and finally my lab coat, and crash i had forgotten to take the bastard things out of my bag when i got home, i now had a lot of tidying up and explaining to do
(

Reme Philips laid an epic dump on, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 16:10, Reply)

What else can you fit in there?
Being a woman, it is a given that anywhere I go, I have to take a handbag. Being a huge nerd, it is a given that my handbag is huge enough to carry about 6 notebooks should the situation call for it. And being a student, it is a given that my friends and I will invariably want to own things that we cannot find the will to purchase.
Usually, this happens in bars as friends of mine have a particular weakness for cocktail glasses. And as I am usually the one with the biggest bag, the task of swiping these items usually falls to me.

In the last year I was been the mule for: 12 brightly coloured plastic beakers from a club, two Cosmopolitan glasses from our favourite bar, a daiquiri glass from a bar which is so expensive anyway they can afford the loss, and a brandy glass and a miniature gravy boat from the local branch of Wetherspoons.

The miniature gravy boat was stolen because the girl in question thought it was 'cute', not thinking that she would have no use for a miniature gravy boat whilst living in a catered Halls of Residence, or ever, as her cooking skills are lacking. I had to stuff it full of napkins to stop it getting gravy all over my bag. She gave it to her mother, who proceeded to enquire what she would do with a mini gravy boat.

I have also been made to smuggle out various beer mats because my boyfriend collects them, and he is convinced that people will mind if he is seen taking them.
(chronicwhimsy, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 15:41, 1 reply)

Sandwhich shop
During some good times at 6th form myself and about 6 other lads used to go to the sarnie shop down the road.
Now this shop was run by 3 old women who were not the smartest of beans. Was only a small shop and sweets,drinks and chrisps were displayed on the counter. Also due to the fact that when the orders were taken in the 3 women turned round at exactly the same time and began cooking for minutes on end without turning around we began taking advantage of this situation.
It began with the odd freddo from 1 or 2 of us moved up to 3 or 4 freddo's and a chomp or curly wurly as the weeks went by untill eventually we were all robbing about £2's worth of chocolate drinks etc...
However one day there must of been at least 12 of us went down and one person who shall remane nameless as i didnt no his name ... but he slyly ( i say slyly he basically picked it up and walked out ) but ye he picked up a freshly opened box of curly wurly's there must of been at least 75 of them and just walked out.
safe to say they stopped putting stuff on the counter after that.
there was also a slight air of guilt hanging over us all.
pity as well they did some nice sandwhiches.
* insert poorly assembled penis sized joke here*
(

Mr Nerdy-Speccy-FuckNuts Ouchy ouchy wa wa!, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 15:16, Reply)

Vending machines
I used to work as part of an IT support helpdesk, due to the global support we provided it meant working a 24x5 in shifts.

In the staff room was a vending machine - which - if you have ever worked nights when there are no shops open, becomes the focus of your breaks.

One night i had put money in for a Nestle Crunch bar, typed the coordinate number, but it didn’t fall out. So i tipped the machine sideways to give it some persuasion - result!! Two bars fell out.

With a raise of one eyebrow, i spot a pack of Polos hanging precariously. I give it another ‘shake’ Double result – Crisps and Polos fell out.

All for 42p.

I Continue this practice for about a week until the vending machine was looking quite bare. I kept it a secret knowing it could quite easily get me fired. Then a bout 3 weeks later on night shift again, the previous shift was just leaving when I heard the unmistaken bangs coming from the staff room. I go to investigate…

When I get there I find my co-worker and my Manager doing my trick. On the floor next to their feet was all sorts – chocolate bars, smints, crisps, pork pies – the lot. They were giggling in a very hushed evil/silly manner – they knew it was wrong, but they were getting such brilliant rewards. They see me and quickly freeze. The manager then quickly shuts the door and says in a hushed manner ’you didn’t see us doing this, but we’ve been doing this for a few weeks now and get everything for free – isn’t that great!?!?’

I quickly dismiss their antics and take the moral high ground – knowing that this could quite easily save my arse if I ever get collard.

This went on for about 3 months – I don’t know how the guy who refilled it (who was from a 3rd party company) didn’t click…

Length ? it was about 6’ x 4’ x 5’ and weighed like b@stard.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 14:44, 5 replies)

Shells.
As a younger Guilt, I was a little swotty bastard of a student, with a painful streak of law and rule abiding-ness (Still am to a certain extent) one of them ones where if you were with the teacher being taught how to read and the like (yes, that young) and was stuck on a word that would lean over your shoulder and tell you the right pronunciation and have a smarmy little grin plastered on his face.

Anyways, as I said, I was painfully law abiding and the like, taking a sweet when I was not allowed was a cardinal sin and I would be swept straight up into the maws of Satan's festering anus. But one thing made me go against the grain, one thing more precious than all was worth risking my eternal soul...

It was a fucking sea shell.

We had a little collection of interesting rocks and sea shells in one corner of the class room, that our tutor would add to every now and again. One day this one shell was added. It was like a coloured, speckly tightly bound turd from the sea and it was to be mine. So I planned and planned, I did not want the shell to be kept about my person once the heist had been pulled of, in case I was searched and found out. So come the day I swiped the shell just as every 1 else was going out for playtime, so no one would see and ran to the cloakroom to hide the precious in my PE kit bag.

Childrens minds what they are, I soon forgot of my illicit cargo because CHRIST IT WAS PLAYTIME, LETS PLAY TIG!

Come PE the next day, I get on my kit and we all toddle down to the hall to do whatever form of sport a young child can, and while warming up it happens. The precious falls from my shorts where it had hidden itself!

Oh the shame.
Oh the horror!
Oh... no ones noticed.

I swipe the shell up, and so wracked with guilt and near shitting myself at almost been caught and sent to prison am I that I pocket the shell and wait till next lunch time to put it back in its place.

I think my soul is safe now. At least from the repercussions of shell thievery...
(Guilt wants to get in your moist confines, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 14:06, Reply)

Slightly off topic
A few years back when I was a student in Dundee. A mate and I had been at a flat party. They had a pool table in their kitchen. Said mate and I found this vastly entertaining being both drunk and too skint (or cheap) to play it in the pub at a £1 a go. SO eventually half 6 in the morning rolls around and one of the lads that lived in the flat got up to have a dump (everyone bar me and my mate LONG since having gone to bed) and politely asked us to get the fuck out. We thought this might be a good idea.

So as we're staggering into the sunrise we see a traffic sign. You know, one of those "road closed" ones. Well, my mate half inched the fucker and set about a mile away in front of some school gates. But our story does not end there. Oh no.

We're about ten minutes away from our flat and I decide "I want THAT!" "that" was the "private" part of a sign that collectively read "No Entry. Private Parking." With Private on its own placcard like thing and all three bits screwed to some board...thing. Out comes the swiss army knife and between the two of us we spent what seemed an hour (but must have been about 5 minutes) unscrewing the half dozen screws with a bottle opener before casually strolling home, collapsing into our own rooms and forgetting about the sign til tea dinner time. The sign was then exchanged between our doors depending on who had a lady in.
(Teran Thinks Pogonophobia is funny, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 13:55, Reply)

OMFG SHHHHHH!
.....I once stole a 10p refresher bar and a pen from a multipack!!! OMFG i hope the pigs aint watching! :O :S

oo i had some help with the pen! was reet scary!
(Lexachu A buh? no, not a buh, a bomb!, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 13:49, Reply)

Computer thievery, Mass Shop Lifting, and Stolen Tunes…
Just thought I’d share three occurrences to add to this weeks QOTW.

(1) Many moon ago, in the early 1990s (around 1992), a couple of mates of mine were pretty much off the rails and were up for any form of mentalist high jinx, no matter how illegal or moral.

They were best mates of mine, and one of them in particular my folks were quite fond of.. He actually used to call over and hang out with them if I was out the house, because he would be invariably be locked out by his Mum for one reason or another. Anyway, one day he invited me over, and he was quite excited about something he wouldn’t tell me about. And, it was a change from the latest pr0n tapes or "discovered" jazz mags.

We went to his room, and low and behold there was an RM Nimbus that he had lifted from the secondary school that we used to go to. The very same one that DID live in the library block until relatively recently. I couldn’t believe that he and his accomplice stole said computer.

He retells the story, and it was quite amusing. As when they walked off the school grounds into the forestry that surrounded it (with the PC covered by a blanket) they actually stumbled into the school governor walking his dog, and they had a natter for five minutes. Said school governor was completely unaware of what they were carrying.

He also used to lift VHS cassettes for me from the school, which was around the time that The Mary Whitehouse Experience and Bottom were on TV for the first time. My folks were too tight fisted to buy me a packet of VHS cassettes, so he took it upon himself to steal several tapes to order, so that I could record said comedy programmes. I even set the timer on my VCR so that it was set to AV1 so that it blanked the VHS tapes overnight until they were all cleared. Took about a week, doing one a night.

And what did said secondary school implement as a new security feature to stop anything else getting robbed? Some CCTV?, a pack of homicidal Doberman's looked after by the school caretaker? None of these...

They screwed the windows down in places of the school where there was anything valuable to be stolen (notably, the I.T. rooms, and the back of the library that was home to a network of Link 480Z's). In this day, this would be a severe Health & Safety issue where the school would have the book thrown at them!

(2) I knew of someone indirectly that used to pilfer CD’s from Music Zone many, many moons ago. Said person actually went as far as carefully sellotaping the CD’s and booklets carefully to their legs before going home. They used to buy the cases separately, and sometimes had a pop at smuggling rare imports and picture discs out too.

They never bought tunes for ages, and were never found. But, someone else tried the same thing and eventually got booted out for it.

(3) I know of someone that used to work for a budget retailer, that has since gone down the pan (clue: they used a Status Quo tune with altered words as a TV advert).

This place was notorious for losing stock hand over fist, even down to management level. Said person tells me that the thievery in their shop actually started off as a dare, that became bigger and bigger, and security and searches were very much lacking.

Anything was fare game that could be worn, or easily concealed in a bag. They even did the trick of wearing lots of clothing and wearing an item concealed so that they avoided detection. Word has it that in this particular store alone there was a loss of £70,000 a year. But, their attitude was “Screw them, we get exploited with crappy wages so let’s screw them back”, an attitude similar to that of other posters that have quoted stories here.
(Panteneman Isn't entirely sure why he bothered on, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 13:29, Reply)

This question is now closed.

Pages: Latest, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, ... 1