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This is a question Shoplifting

When I was young and impressionable and on holiday in France, I followed some friends into a sweet shop and we each stole something. I was so mortified by this, I returned them.

My lack of French hampered this somewhat - they had no idea why the small English boy wanted to add some chews to the open box, and saw it as an attempt by a nasty foreigner oik to contaminate their stock. Not my best day.

What have you lifted?

(, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 11:13)
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This question is now closed.

Daylight Robbery
Well as some of you may know, I was once a department Manager at a Sainsburys store. Once a week, at the same time, the camera which kept an eye on the Audio/Visual cage would undergo some checks. During the day it was never locked. So during those checks I'd help myself to an item of interest. Anyway, they knew stock was going missing, so they randomised the checks.

So instead I would often just help myself to whatever came in at the rear reception where all the deliveries were made. The guys on the back always remained logged into their handset check-in accounts... so I would check the stock in and minus from the invoice what I wanted.

Total Booty that left the shop during my little spree:

17 CDs
22 DVDs
14 Games
6 Books
and 3 wrongful sackings of suspected thieving staff.

They loved it, the slags!
(, Thu 17 Jan 2008, 1:25, 3 replies)
James & the Giant Beer Trophy
Long old time ago, was returning from newly opened vodka bar in Manchester with suitably shit-faced mates... Looking out of the window of the bus as we passed the Withington flea-pit cinema, we saw a giant inflatable peach moored on the roof to promote (you guessed it) James & the Giant Peach. (1996 according to imdb.com)

After a drunken discussion about what a superb beer-trophy that would be, we got of at the next stop & piled into a kebab emporium for our staple sweaty lamb meat with weapons-grade chilli sauce

Suddenly we realized we were missing someone. A certain mad Geordie fella with an amazing ability to fall asleep anywhere when he'd had a few... We set off to find him, expecting to find him asleep sat on a doorstep, kebab in hand (again). Suddenly he comes running down the street shouting 'Av done it! Av fkn done it!', 'Done what?','Av nicked the fkn Giant Peach man!!!'

Mad pissed nutter had scaled a drainpipe, burned through the cords holding it in place with a fag lighter, chucked it off the roof & hidden it in a stairwell round the side. We nonchalantly stood around in front of it finishing our scran before running with it up Wilmslow Rd to Fog Lane Park for the funniest & most surreal game of vodka-fuelled Giant-Peach football you could imagine! Eventually it punctured & someone folded it up & took it home & we retired for spliffs & bed...

/length? Running about half mile up Wilmslow Rd bouncing an obviously nicked 5 foot tall Peach without getting caught by cops was damn lucky...
(, Thu 17 Jan 2008, 0:05, 2 replies)
pub theft
a few weeks ago i was out in the pub with a group of mates. this was back up in cheshire where the police have so little to do that i had once been threatened with arrest for walking out of a pub with a half pint glass.

so there we were, it was about midnight and it was vodka shot time.

the nice girl behind the bar produced these fabulous shot glasses - coincidentally there were 8 of us, and each shot glass in the 8 part set had a beautiful different coloured letter. all together the set spelt out:


i wanted them for my flat so badly (although to put frozen grey goose or citrus absolut in, not smirnoff. mmm. frozen vodka. anyway.). badly enough to make everyone tip their shot down their throat and their glass into my handbag. even though my bag was tiny and bulged and clanked suspiciously. still. i was drunk and i was happy.

until a few minutes later. the formerly friendly barmaid came up to the table to collect the glasses. her eyes narrowed, her hands flew to her hips, and her lips thinned out.

"where are those shot glasses?" she hissed.

shit. shit.

"er, your colleague collected them," i stammered. she looked at my bulging bag.

"no he didn't. he's downstairs. we take a dim view on theft, you know."

shit. SHIT. not as dim as the law society's view and i'm a solicitor............

"he did," i insisted wildly, remembering the blues and twos that went off over the half pint episode all those years ago.

"i'll go and check," she snapped, and sashayed off down the stairs. quick as a flash, i jumped to my feet and fled down the back stair fire escape. oh my god the door was stuck... there were people everywhere... where was the goddam bar... shit, she's coming... finally i tipped the glasses in a heap on the bar and disappeared into the ladies just as she landed on the ground floor. thank fuck for that. criminal record avoided for this month, anyway.

i still reeeeeally want those shot glasses though.

i'd apologise for length, but it's better than working.
(, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 23:20, Reply)
After a particularly epic night out of uni, the following was recounted:

One friend had a handbag *full* of glasses; shots, wine, pints, a selection of everything. She didn't notice this until she got home - I had climbed behind the bar, one friend was passing me glasses to wash, and another was putting the (now clean) ones in her bag. How I didn't get kicked out that night, I do not know (especially given I was recently bodily removed from the same establishment for giving someone a hug).

The next part really did take the biscuit though... Another female friend had inside her bag... Another handbag. Nobody has any idea how she got it, where it came from. We did track down the owner and return that one, however.

After a similar night, my friends and I staggered bleary eyed into our shared Uni kitchen. Where we found a supermarket trolley. Given that we lived on the fifth floor, it was regarded as something of a triumph.
(, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 22:44, Reply)
At uni...
Relayed to me by a friend: The medical society, at the start of the year apparently had a competition: namely that everyone should attempt to steal/trophy something, with the best thing winning a prize. Competition mounted. The usual rubbish, such as traffic cones, roadsigns mounted up. People began upping the ante: sets of cutlery from restaurants etc. Someone went one step further, and nicked a policemans hat. Everyone is very impressed by the general standard, but one person decides he can outdo everyone. Comes back from a night out, having stolen... An Ambulance.

Dangerous, stupid (he predictably got kicked out), and he should have known better, but I cannot help but be impressed.
(, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 22:40, Reply)
shoplifting karma?
I'm thinking that those times as a kid spent stealing sweets/marbles/other crap has years later come back to bite me on the ass in the form of being double charged for grocery items at tesco every so often.

Length - no apologies even though it's a big'un..err the sentence above that is...
(, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 22:13, Reply)
Not *quite* shoplifting, but still...
A fair while back, I got talking to an older fella in a pub and I ended going around his flat every week for two years to have a few beers and a natter (he was 65, and had the mind of a twenty year old. A right laugh, just couldn't get out much.)

Anyway, I invariably ended up introducing him to my mate Chris. Now Chris is in the RAF and one of the traditions of his flight is that he gets a 'souvenir' from every new place he goes to, which can get a bit fucking daft as you can imagine.

Well anyway, he wants something from Dave's flat. And I'm having none of it - I'm quite protective of Dave, he's a laugh as I said but for fucks sake, he's an old man, and there's no way I'm letting Chris take anything from the place. I warned him on the way in the car, and once again at the door. No. Fucking. Stealing.

The night progresses well. I'm keeping one eye on Chris's hands. Safely in his lap, or holding his beer. No sign of thievery.

It's time to say goodnight. We say bye and get in the lift. Chris looks glum, leaving so empty handed. I thank him for actually not taking anything and he just grunts. I'm satisfied.

I go to my battered old Escort and unlock the door. It's central locking, so the boot is now unlocked - and as I get in, Chris has opened the boot and is frantically trying to stuff something in.

"What the fuck...?" I begin, but Chris is already in the passenger seat, having managed to cram the mystery object into the boot, his face a picture of Hindu Cow calmness.

He told me what it was so I wouldn't have to get out, but still I couldn't quite believe it until I popped the boot and took a look.

The twunt didn't even want it in the end, he asked me to 'look after it'.

Once he nicked a full life size cardboard cutout of Gandalf the Grey from a skip outside Blockbuster, too. We had to get it home poking out the sunroof. He kept that one, though.

Apologies for length, it's my first post.
(, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 22:13, 3 replies)
attempted freddo theft
Not far from me is a Cadbury's reject shop. on the counter there is a basket full of freddo chocs. I was browsing the mis-shapes one day, when i heard the checkout lady announce in a booming voice "are you going to pay for that!". On cue, the whole shop became silent and everyone turned to look at this shoplifting woman, who was, for want of better words, a bit of a posh type. She was rather sheepishly holding a Freddo. "I thought they were free!" she stammered. "No, you have to PAY for them!" replied the scary checkout lady, in a slightly sarcastic tone. Everyone in the shop rofl'd, and she ran to the door, red faced and threw the offending freddo at the counter.
(, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 21:20, Reply)
An Eagle...
Round about 17 or so at our local at the time, myself and associates lifted a wooden eagle... was going to be a bugger to get a 2 foot wingspanned eagle out the door. Until we realised the wings came off!

Still have it, one day it will make it's way on to my fireplace. Oh and I always thought it was kinda cool it was stamped "Made in U.S.S.R." on the base...
(, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 21:19, Reply)
Come on Ilene
Slighty off topic and not exactly shop lifting

I used to work at a computer games developer sweat shop in Chesterfield that was above a sarnie shop. One of the lads that worked there would gladly take peoples money for their orders (usually topping up to £10 a day) and come back with a chirpy smile on his face. This went on for weeks before I figured out what the crack was.

The shop was run by an elderly couple (Cliff and Ilene if I remember correctly). Cliff was the sort of man that couldnt concentrate withough sticking out his tounge and biting it, much to our amusement... especially with the beatroot, but I digress.

It turns out that Ilene was a bit batty and had a soft spot for us lads that worked upstairs. When Cliff wasnt around NO MATTER WHAT was ordered the old dear would turn round and say with a little whisper... "That's just 50p love".

Now good old Cliff was surely on to his batty wife as he would hang around in the shadows trying to catch her out and dive in with the correct total but there was always inevitably some distraction that left just Ilene on the till with great rewards to the buyer. Other times you would give her the right money and she would give you far more change than you was due... sometimes it was more money than you gave her in the first place!

Of course the scam didn't always work. People would come back from the shop with a sad look on their face saying "Cliff served me". Other times you would be charged 50p for some 15p chewing gum but you had to take the rough with the smooth otherwise it just didnt seem to add up.

Twas good whilst it lasted.

Last time I walked past the shop it was closed down. I like to think to myself that the smiley faced old dear drove him to an early bankrupt grave. Somehow that brings a smile to my face.

Not one of us EVER corrected her.
(, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 20:54, Reply)
Shoplifting? No- hijacking!
And why am I hijacking the QOTW for a moment? To share these:

(, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 20:45, 2 replies)
Coke machine..
We had a one of the normal coke vending machines at the computer place I used to work at. Sometimes, generally early in the morning if you went for a can and pushed the top button for a coke two cans dropped out.
That was about as exciting as my life got working there!
(, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 19:56, Reply)
When I was a wee nipper (about 9 or 10 I think) I nicked some ickle transformers (little audio cassette transformers) from the local Asda. I then bragged about it to one of my school mates who duly dobbed me in to the teachers at school which then lead to some bod from the Asda at my house giving me a telling off.

I got a right good hiding off my mother.

And it wasn't actually me that did it... all... I nicked one and my Dad nicked the other and gave it to me outside the store.

Parents eh?

My Dad wasn't too pleased either when I dobbed him in to my headmistress but he was old and wise enough to deflect the whole blame onto me.

I never had any transformers after that. Just Gobots, and as we all know they were the poor mans transformer.
(, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 19:40, Reply)
When I was a kid...

...got caught.

...got the shit scared out of me, intentionally but not literally, by a CID who looked like that burly ginger Scottish bloke that always plays the burly ginger Scottish bloke in Hollywood movies.

...got no end of grief from my mam for months.

...got the message and didn't do it again :)
(, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 19:25, Reply)
German Exchange - The Best display of kleptomania I've ever seen
Take a group of 13/14 year olds, let them loose in germany to learn about german culture and improve their language skills and what happens?

Possibly the greatest shoplifting fest ever!

Even the meakest student was not averse to 'going on the rob'. Booze, fags (why they kept them in baskets by shop checkouts, could they be anymore tempting even for a non-smoker!), ashtrays, china ornaments, porno mags, bennetton bags (v trendy circa 1987!) anything was game.

However, with all this tempting bounty on offer what did my friend and i do? Get caught in woolworths stealing three hair scrunchies! Did mention to her that we did have woolworths at home to no avail, Maybe she was homesick!

Shat it while in the security office, thought be going to get arrested, deported, sent to Auschwitz. With a pathetic bit of german and some crying they eventually let us go!
(, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 19:12, Reply)
Nightclubs, poorly attended bars & hubris
The man we shall call the toaster, for reasons I have never truly understood.

Scourge of numerous Nottinghamshire bars and husbands of sub-milfs everywhere. The guy is cocky and amazingly calm about just picking things up off of tables, like he owned them in the first place. I'm not talking about wallets, keys, watches, things of that nature. Mainly his targets involve drink.

To say he has developed a reputation as being somewhat of a scabby fucker is an understatement to say the very least, he once stopped at the chip shop at the bottom of hurts yard (shop filled alley and general night time urinal for Nottinghams market square)and proceeded to eat chips off of the floor in such a way to get the most attention possible. That was just the way he was and unfortunately at times, remains.

His usual trick when out on the razz was to simply take other peoples drinks rather than buy his own. Of course, this just falls into the category of "cheeky bastard" as opposed to pure unadulterated theft.

Getting onto the good stuff though, his best ones to date so far are as follows: -

1) Stealing a bottle of wine from behind the bar of a busy nightclub. He slipped under the hatch, grabbed it, slipped out and not one person noticed.

2) Whilst waiting for service in a bar, he successfully picked up pints that had been waiting to settle prior to top up, right from behind the bar-man who had just poured them.

3) Walking past a hen party in a nightclub and picking up a full bottle of champagne from a side table they had utilised as base of operations. £40 drink, free of charge.

When he gets truly going, we need never pay for a drink.
(, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 18:25, 7 replies)
Not a shop, Not technically theft.
A few years back, Ladbrokes online casino ran a bonus within which you simply had to deposit £100.00 and play it. They gave you £100.00 as a bonus and once you played that you could cash out.

Oh, and they had the option to automate blackjack to play in your particular style.

The Beauty of it all was that you were playing an exact mirror of the house way and were more or less guaranteed to come out even, or at worst a few quid down, so having played 100 goes at a quid a time, my account had the princly sum of around £103.00. This was what was fun about this though, you could then claim the bonus, take it to a table and without playing a stake remove the money from the table. It was then available for withdrawl.

I know this spread like wildfire and I personally managed to do it four times in total for roughly £390.00 profit in the space of an hour.

One chap I know who shall remain nameless, had numerous business accounts and utilised them all with this particular scheme to personally net around £4.5K in an evening.
(, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 18:14, Reply)
Ah yes
And I just remembered helping some stranded Irish girls, trying to visit their mother in hospital, to pay for their petrol.

Funny enough, their telephone number didn't work either....

The sad thing is that genuine hard luck cases will face a sea of indifference if people keep playing to 'niceness'. :o(
(, Wed 16 Jan 2008, 17:58, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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