Not so much of a song as a brain-washing masonic chant

when I was an ickle six year old and livinging in good old blighty I had a 'Boyfriend' called Richard. When we moved to america (came back when I was nine) I had to say the 'Pledge of Allegence' on a friday. And for the whole 3 years I lived there I said
'the Republic for Richard stands, one Nation under God, invisible,'
To finish, Americans brainwash their children with minless patriotism that they're too young to understand. If Proff Moustache Winston has shown us anything it's that five year olds don't KNOW what country they live in.
(xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:11, Reply)

M.A.R.R.S.
Mum: "Ooo that's catchy! - Pump up the Valium, Pump up the Valium!"

If only we had...
(monkeyboys like monkeygirls, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:09, Reply)

Singing the wrong words
As a kid I used to think Buggles "Video killed the radio star" was "video kid at the radio store", which used to puzzle me lot at the time, I mean why would a video kid be in a radio shop?
(Sentinel 2, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:03, Reply)

Like walking in the
rain and the snow when there's
no place to go

and you're feeling like a pot of glue is drying....

My sister and I loved 10cc when we were ickle. I still do, she now likes RnB.
(unholysmoke, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:03, Reply)

"To be a Pilgrim", the John Bunyan hymn,
was always sung as "To be a Penguin" at school...

And for Blues fans, "Rollin' and Tumblin'" has the lyric "I wish I wuz a catfish in the deep blue sea..". The Doctor Feelgood version always sounded like "I wish I wuz a cabbage etc."
(Doctor Evil, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:03, Reply)

Oh the joys of Jesus Christ Superstar
School production. Choir of 30 ten year olds, with the alto section mostly singing:

"I closed my eyes"... I closed my eyes
"Pulled back the foreskin"... ahh-ooh-ahh
"And stuck my dick in"... aaahh-ahh
"It felt so good."

It went on, but I can't remember much more of the original, let alone our version.
( chthonic, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 12:01, Reply)

Cheese?
You remeber that awful dance song from a while ago that went "energy!" then had this weird sound effect that sounded like someone going "wiggle wiggle wiggle"?

A mate of mine thought for ages the lyrics were "cheddar cheese, wiggle wiggle wiggle!"
(Jon Norris, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:53, Reply)

Clarkie's Gay Beatles Songs
My mate Clarkie has devoted many childishly wonderful hours to altering the titles of Beatles songs so that they're, well, gay.
I give you:

A Hard Gay's Night
Eight Gays a Week
Gay stripper (Day Tripper)
A Gay in the Life
Shaft my Arse with Cream (Yellow Submarine)
Gaping Backsider (Paperback Writer)
Here Comes my Bum
Gay Nude (Hey Jude)
Love my Poo (Love me do)
Bum for your Life
Yes I'm Gay (Yesterday)
Stick it Inside (Ticket to ride)
I wanna hold your gland

I could go on. Can anyone add to these?
( BobbyParadise, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:52, Reply)

Our corporate anthem
is positively criminal.

It's called "You can't touch EDS" and is set to the music of MC Hammer's "You can't touch this".

Truly dire. A bit like working for them :-(
(DrGonzo, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:50, Reply)

But we're never gonna surviiiive
Seal - Crazy
Original lyric: Crazy are the people walking through my head
My lyric: Crazy are the people fucking in my bed
(bunny_333, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:49, Reply)

.
at uni we have "konrad's gay" to replace "here we go, here we go, here we go" (he isn't actually, btw)

when i was at school, there was an arrogant sod with the surname Stillwell... if others were arrogant or similar, we sang "are you stillwell in disguise?" to "you're not singing anymore"

apologies for crapness
( mr_wicksy is.... old., Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:42, Reply)

Wall
Singing the Chorus to Pink Floyds "Another Brick in the wall" changed to "all in all its just another dickhead called Paul" not that funny but he was a bit of a dickhead!
(simpson, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:40, Reply)

Britney Smears
Might appeal to your readership!

www.farts.com/cgi-bin/ubb/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=11;t=000009;p=
(Wrecked Tums, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:39, Reply)

it's gotta be big
remember that awful dance tune, well listen to it, they're saying "scabby bitch", i swear....
(prostheses, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:39, Reply)

...
Some day you will find me caught beneath the landslide in a champagne suit bendover in the sky.
( vanja, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:36, Reply)

(to Jesus Christ Superstar...)
"Geordie Best
Superstar
Wears frilly knickers and he wears a bra

The bra`s too big
He wears a wig
And that`s why they call him a sexy pig"

.. ahh to be 4 years old again :)
( Reckless_Rik, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:35, Reply)

Religion
My primary school headmaster was a very religious man, so we had hymns every morning in assembly. We were accompanied by nice Mrs Bennett on the guitar and horrid Mrs Gowan on the piano (always referred to as Hinge and Bracket by Mum - had no idea what she meant at the time).
So we always loved it when "Go Tell It On The Mountain" was hymn of the day - predictably we would all sing the chorus as loudly as we could. "Go toilet on the mountain, over the hills and everywhere," is very funny when you're ten years old. Of course, we were all shouted at one day by the headmaster for being disrespectful. Next time we sang it, we all whispered the "toilet" bit, making it even more obvious.
I wish my humour had risen above this level now, but it hasn't.
( thealternativefact, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:33, Reply)

Athlete - Vehicles and Animals
"It's the simple things like the robot baby Jesus"
( The Lurker Plenty One, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:30, Reply)

Titanic
I can't listen to the Titanic theme by Celine Dion without hearing... "And I know that the hot dogs go oooooooooon"
But then again, I can't listen to Celine Dion without having the urge to jam a pointy pencil in my ear!
( Ethel Le Crisp, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:25, Reply)

Misheard?
Well..you know the bonnie tyler song "total eclipse of the heart..."

I once sung it, rathelty dunkly as "I've tried to set ligh to my farts..."

Ruined that song for many people i did :-p
(Phil Febuggure, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:22, Reply)

Football game
At a Carlisle match we had a player called Carl Heggs, and the fans used to sing "who let the heggs out" due to this being my first match in a few years, me and my mates decided to sing "who let the hens out" que many disgruntled fans looking at us.
(Statt0, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:21, Reply)

My Mad Aunt
Who for years thought 'Sitting on the dock of the bay' was actually 'Sitting on the top of the plane'.
(Mogg Questioned her own sanity on, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:16, Reply)

#Breakfast time, cocaine and crime,
Uncle Dave is doing time,
With his dick in his hand and a kid on his knee,
He's a dirty nonce, I'm sure that you see.#
( gone, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:14, Reply)

Well
I spose I'll get in quickly with the old favourites of "Gladly the cross-eyed bear" and "The girl with collitis goes by". And yes, I do know people who have sung both.

My Dad is still convinced that the Offspring are singing "the world needs one eyed pizzas" in Pretty Fly.

Also, not entirely wrong words, but I'll never forget my Mum listening to Stereophonics and coming out with "I wish he didn't sound like he was saying there's more life in a tramps vest".
(Cuddles It's not rape if they're already dead, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:13, Reply)

lords prayer
...give us this day our daily bread, and don't forget the chocolate spread.
(dukefukem, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:12, Reply)

Good King Wenslesslass Went down
on his brother Stephen
Spunked in his face which made him frown,
So bit his cock off and were even,
GloooooOOoooooOOOooooOOorria
got shagged behind the bike-shed.
( Kris Fucking Kristofferson, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:09, Reply)

Cheat
Scoobs, you're right. You're the real first-person.

Shame on me.
( thealternativefact, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:09, Reply)

Gah!
Cheat. Gotta have some words, shurely?

Personally always thought Blur getting their heads shaved by Agent Mojay was a bit off topic.
(Scoobs, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:07, Reply)

Hurray!
Hurray! And thrice Hurray!
( thealternativefact, Thu 27 Jan 2005, 11:05, Reply)