Fol de rol...
Mr Brian Palumbo is a friend of mine; a good few years ago he was incensed when he was watching GMTV only to see a blousy female council official... Well, I'll let him explain. He emailed GMTV in a fit of pique.

I'll post the responses in the replies.

-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]]
Sent: 21 February 2004 12:16 PM
To: Talk2us
Subject: Email us - Comment



Name: Brian Palumbo
Email: [email protected]
Nearest Town: n/a
Nearest Town: Newcastle

Message:
FAO Producer: GMTV

21-02-04

Re: GMTV Programme, 20-02-04 06:45 hrs

Sir,

I feel compelled to write to express my disgust at your programme's
insistence on labelling an Officer of the Council, an attractive lady in
her late fifties by my estimation, as a 'Wayward Ho'.

Upon what grounds did your programme's editors decide that this poor
woman was indeed what is, in modern parlance a 'Ho'?

It is my understanding, upon the advice of my eldest son, Clive, that a
'Ho is a derogatory term applied to a woman of ill repute, in other
words, a prostitute, slattern, nightwalker or harlot!

This sort of ghetto patois may generate viewers amongst the 16-21 age
bracket, but I must say that it is wholly inappropriate to utilise such
language at such an early time in the morning, when either school
children, preparing themselves for school; or an old woman, with nothing
better to do could be watching.

And what of the poor woman herself? I daresay in your mad grab for
ratings against the more efficient, yet impersonal BBC coverage you have
entirely failed to take into account the feelings of the individual
concerned! Whilst I support that dear old lady who seems to be rallying
all of her old friends to avoid paying what is an entirely legal tax, I
feel that your coverage was entirely biased, offensive and subjective.

Should this woman, whose name escapes me, seek damages from your
persons, I would happily support that, such is my intense ire at this
farcical and insensitive case.

On a lighter note, I must give immense praise to Fiona Phillips, who is
a remarkably attractive, intelligent and well presented employee. I can
guarantee that she brightens up my mornings with her cheery grin and
clear diction. However, I find Eamonn Holmes to be over-exposed, and
would appreciate it if you could reduce the amount of coverage dedicated
to a man whose grasp of pronunciation leaves a great deal to be desired.

I also understand your rather convenient rider at the top of this form,
however, I refuse to waste the price of a stamp on contacting you, and I
see no other way to make either my feelings felt, or have my question
answered, and due to the seriousness of this matter would appreciate an
email or postal response within an acceptable timescale. Should this not
be forthcoming, and I am forced to pay postage for this matter, then I
shall be claiming that postage back from yourselves.

I await your response with great interest.

Yours faithfully,



Brian Palumbo Esq.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Sun 22 May 2011, 9:00, 5 replies)

Derek... Babylon 5's a big pile of shit!
(kitescreech still here, Sun 22 May 2011, 8:53, 4 replies)

There was this 'christian' guild on WoW, and they were the kind of lamewads that posted how intensely happy they were with their beliefs on the forums. So quite a few people got stuck into them when they made a recruitment post. I went a hell of a lot further, I replied with bible passages that proved that playing WoW was a sin, went to their guild website and published their ventrillo information (freely available with no login) then made a login under the name Satanisgod with a totally fake email address. Made my signature a pic of tubgirl and posted in every topic I could find, I especially had fun in the ones about how masturbation is bad.

I got a permanent ban from the WoW forums, the christians 'pastor' contacted my ISP and said I was distributing child pornography to children. Luckily the dude that contacted me saw through their BS and said to just leave them alone.

I hope I made some of them cry.
(Quoth, Sat 21 May 2011, 23:35, 28 replies)

I'm from Shetland, Shetlink www.shetlink.com/forum/ is a discussion forum I post on. When a forum member started a campaign of Holocaust denial it ended up with letters to the local paper, genuine threats of litigation and me emailing Anthony Julius, the lawyer who fought the David Irving case who got his team of legal eagles involved when Shetlink accused me of libelling them.


1st letter to Shetland Times

Shetlink (www.shetlink.com) is an internet site containing Shetland news, classified ads and ‘What’s On notices etc. The Shetlink site also hosts a forum where all manner of topics (not just those with a Shetland focus) are discussed. This forum is regulated by a number of site moderators who try to ensure that topics are discussed within Shetlink’s own terms and conditions and within the law.

It is with a certain amount of dismay that I see this forum used to promote Holocaust denial in much the same way as race hate sites such as Stormfront do, in particular, questioning the veracity of the usage of gas chambers in the camps. As a Shetlander, a relative of Holocaust survivors, a history graduate and someone who cannot abide racism I hope you can understand that I find this offensive.

There is no serious academic questioning of the use of gas chambers to achieve the genocidal aims of the Nazis. This is a matter of historical record. There are questions about their use primarily on the level of particularities and specifics which may never be known to historians, in part due to the efforts by Germany to keep the Holocaust secret. There are many such questions about many specific details of the war and indeed all areas of human history.

There will always be those who choose to hate others and there will always be those who try to use the guise of historical research or academic study to legitimise their feelings, the most well known case in point being that of David Irving whose methods and motivation were discredited in the Irving- Lipstadt libel trial.

Why Shetlink’s staff choose to allow this method of Holocaust denial a platform despite a number of requests from myself not to (following exhaustive rebuttals on the forum), and in view of their own terms and conditions, and in regards to the laws concerning incitement to racial hatred is a question I have at the time of writing, not received an answer to.

lib319

Aberdeen



Response

Offensive to Shetlink.

We write in response to lib319's letter "Why allow the platform" in last week's Shetland Times.

Mr lib319 makes a number of unsubstantiated accusations against Shetlink users and moderators of promoting racism and racial hatred by allowing debate on the Holocaust.

To compare a community website such as Shetlink, where a wide range of subjects are discussed by a diverse group of people, to a far right white supremist website such as Stormfront is wildly inaccurate and offensive to Shetlink members.


Mr lib319's complaint to the Shetland Times seems to echo that of one anonymous Shetlink user in particular who regularly accuses swathes of other people of racism and Holocaust denial. But when asked to evidence his claims, he is unable to provide examples.

Regretfully it seems that this divisive strategy has now spilled over to the pages of the Shetland Times.

We urge folk to read the debate for themselves before accepting Mr lib319's uncorroborated claims.

Shetlink Mod team (Pooks, Njugle, Peeriebryan, Trout, Fjool)



Response 2

Dear Sir

Please find attached my submission for your Reader's Views page, a copy of which follows my name and email address.

lib319
[email protected]

Shetlink’s moderators are mistaken if they thought I was accusing them of racism and promoting racial hatred or comparing Shetlink to a white power website like Stormfront in last week's Shetland Times. Shetlink is hosting a substantial amount of Holocaust denial material (often verbatim) within the bounds of discussing the Holocaust, of the type that is found on far right racist sites.

As such this 'discussion' has now taken the form of some of the most prejudiced and offensive anti-Semitic material being continually posted on one side and a continual rebuttal on the other side.
To say there is no evidence of this offensive material is also in error. I am happy to provide a concise list of points to any readers interested and this list is also available (as of evening of Thurs 10) at the end of Shetlink’s Holocaust discussion pages.

I can only assume the difficulty Shetlink’s staff had in reading my letter was also the case when reading their own website. Hopefully a more concise and collated list of offensive material will prove to be more accessible for Shetlink’s moderators from which they can then decide if it is acceptable or if indeed they are under any obligation to host any more of it.

lib319

Aberdeen

As such the Holocaust thread was pulled www.shetlink.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=11208 . Which wasn’t exactly what I wanted but I regarded it as a victory anyway. Some of the discussion spilled into the Israel thread here if anyone is interested.

www.shetlink.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1120&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

It is 30 pages though.
(lib319, Sat 21 May 2011, 19:45, 10 replies)

Trollin as Jezzuz

( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Sat 21 May 2011, 19:09, 10 replies)

Ha ha ha!
Had you all going there, didn't I, you dumb bastards? 5x10x17x10x5, therefore Rapture...how stupid do you need to be? I'm laughing myself sick here!!

Stay tuned for the next round in...ooh, let's say...fuck it, call it 2020.
When you'll all have forgotten about this again. See you there, you credulous fudgenuts!

Send money! :D

Love,
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Sat 21 May 2011, 18:07, Reply)

your all gay
.
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Sat 21 May 2011, 17:43, 12 replies)

Real Life Troll - Lost Cat
My pal Fanton runs the Lord Likely website and did this here Lost Cat poster

I thought it's not doing much good sitting around on the internet, so now the good people of Reading are now seeking high and low for poor, starving Thundercock. CAN YOU HELP?


( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Sat 21 May 2011, 17:25, 7 replies)

I didn't know what trolling was at the time.
You might think that Linux users are easy to troll, or Mac users or even Star Wars fans. These are relatively unflappable compared to the Amiga fanatic.
I had an Amiga from 1997 to 1999, at which point I got my first PC. 400MHz of AMD's finest with a whopping 10GB drive compared to the Amiga which I'd shoehorned a 320Mb drive into, and an 8Mb expansion card with a faster CPU on it. Now fair enough, it was a good computer in its day, 32-bit operating system and rather clever architecture. But by the end of 90s, it was seriously lagging behind the alternatives.

After using the PC for a few days, I realised how wank the Amiga actually was. The A1200 were still worth a few bob and so I went on one of the Amiga Usenet groups. I told them I decided that the Amiga was past its best, that I'd moved on to a Windows 98 PC and wanted to know what the going rate was for an Amiga with that add-on card.

I don't think anybody actually answered the question. It seems I'd stirred a few PC owning lurkers into entering the fray and the argument went on and on for longer than I thought possible.

Though truth be told, anyone who puts "Micro$haft Windoze" has lost the argument anyway.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sat 21 May 2011, 17:16, 7 replies)

When my usual messageboard crashed, some of the regulars went onto the Habbo Hotel.
I immediately created several identities and began following the others around and taking the Mick, at one point 'interacting' via a desktop and two laptops. My three personas were constantly ejected from the doorway of the Exclusive Serious Members' Club one after the other for half an hour. I shrieked with laughter so loudly that Mr Quar rushed downstairs thinking I was having a seizure.

Not as sophisticated as the Flying Penis or as well-organised as the Grey Invasions but it kept me amused.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 21 May 2011, 16:32, 1 reply)

Seeing Happy Phantom's mention of Yahoo Answers...
reminded me of my trolling hour. Yes, a whole hour. The gist is that I was put in the direction of the site by a friend who said "it aint great, but it does sometimes get results."
So I posted a Q about PDC's (something to do with wheel ratio's or bolt distances etc) and whilst waiting thought I'd check out the jokes for a giggle. I then noticed one user on every single joke who posted 'HaHa. Funny.' to EVERY joke. Wow, methinks a troll is about. Not abusive or annoying, just answering every joke to get points. I thought this was sad but an opoortunity to troll her/him/it just for a challenge.
Task one was to try to get my post directly under theirs and leave joke/smart alec comment. this went ok, managed it twice.
Task two was to try to get there first and predict the inevietable response. Not bad, four successes!
Lastly, I decided to take direct action and post stupid/non-funny/no punchline jokes to see if I could get the response and be able to spit sarcasm at the troll from the edit button.

After ten sad jokes and lack of suitably sarcastic responses I gave up having wasted an hour and a half trying to catch out someone I don't even know, let alone if they even cared.

Trolling is a very boring and sad existence from my own limited experience. Got the answer to my question, though. So not totally wasted.
( NooShmoo It's a fantazmagorical pile of ultra bollocks, Sat 21 May 2011, 14:32, 2 replies)

lost in translation.
fuck you, sofia coppola, you massive troll.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sat 21 May 2011, 13:50, Reply)

This article is a satire on trolling, rather than an actual troll. But it's brilliant.
www.somethingawful.com/d/news/ultimate-moms-ban.php

Read it.
WITH YOUR EYES.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Sat 21 May 2011, 13:29, 1 reply)

The Untrollables
In general, I'm not too fond of trolling - but some places are so outlandishly stupid that it seems almost mandatory. A different set of rules applies - trolling the clinically braindead doesn't really count, in the same way as the RSPCA will not investigate complaints of cruelty to a pet rock. The Jawa Report is a favorite - right-wing rednecks, full of piss and wind, who always take the bait and respond with hilariously inept and malformed streams of invective and abuse. Proposing the imposition of gun control unfailingly results in comedy gold.

But then there's Yahoo! Answers. I've tried in the past, and typically get deleted within a few minutes, but would not say I've ever really succeeded. It's not because they're too wise - the threads fill up quickly and reliably with shouty nonsense. However ridiculous you make your post, however unbelievable, you will quickly become eclipsed by those who not only seem to genuinely share your faked position, but take it to horrifying and incomprehensibly bizarre levels.

They are truly untrollable. It's like trying to gross out Armin Meiwes by eating a bogey. Fun, though...
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Sat 21 May 2011, 13:24, 1 reply)

...
I sent Rick Astley an accurate URL.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Sat 21 May 2011, 13:16, Reply)

I am a troll
trollcityrevisited.yuku.com/
(whiskas loved by 8 out of 10 cats, Sat 21 May 2011, 12:11, Reply)

simply go to the yahoo F1 page and post
either that ferrari are cheats or that lewis hamilton is the greatest driver
and watch the whole forum degenerate into a series of person attacks

i love it
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Sat 21 May 2011, 12:00, 3 replies)

F.A.C.T.
Anyone who reads and/or posts on b3ta is gay.
(iamdoingapooasisignup, Sat 21 May 2011, 11:11, 10 replies)

This might just count,
and Im feeling lazy,
and its the "end-of-the-world" today,
and I dont care:
www.b3ta.com/questions/decisions/post877191
(gearanach #wankwankwank, Sat 21 May 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Daily Record - Letters Page
A surefire way to enrage my fellow countrymen is to write to the Daily Record claiming to be a teacher. Tell them that you've taught both in Scottish schools and English schools. Then tell them that you think the English education system is much better. To receive extra spleen/bile/incomprehension in the responses, also tell them that, on the whole, you believe the English are friendlier than the Scots (belief in Caledonia's innate friendliness is ingrained in the national DNA).
( ThisCaledonianClown has left it far too late, Sat 21 May 2011, 8:49, 1 reply)

Officially condoned trolling
Part of my job is leaving comments on various articles on our website - to rile the readers and keep them coming back (boosts the page impressions).

If a user is being a complete cock (even if they haven't done anything 'officially' wrong), I will delete their comments repeatedly so they get REALLY angry and then freeze the thread, ensuring that they effectively lose the argument. Yes, I'm drunk with power. :D
(Supermonkey, Sat 21 May 2011, 3:09, Reply)

Troll for tuna quite a bit. Hate seals. Charismatic megafauna my arse. Big brown bags of shit.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sat 21 May 2011, 1:51, 1 reply)

Another shit QOTW
why cant you ever manage to pick anything half fucking decent
( wjh31, Fri 20 May 2011, 23:39, 24 replies)

talk
nuff said lol
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 20 May 2011, 22:44, 5 replies)

Just before Blazin' Squad had their 10 minutes of fame...
We bought up blazin-squad.com (the official site was the .co.uk), The holding page was a soundboard of the band saying things along the lines of "I'm scared of the dark" and "I've just wet meself, on purpose", it loaded to Macho Man by the village people.

We added a forum to the site so see how many brain dead groupies the site would score, making sure add a few word filters, buff= gay, fit = chubby etc.

This ensured not only confused fuckwit fans, but also huge flame wars due to people going onto the forum and apparently slating the band.

"WTF I didn't say Kenzie was gay I said he was gay!"

Still, we never did get any money for the domain name :(
(Ruffgeezer back again like a bad smell., Fri 20 May 2011, 22:39, 5 replies)

yuletide
I went on the talk board here at christmas time and posted 'falala falala lalala' in reply to every post.

as in 'troll the yuletide Christmas carol'. well I thought it was funny...
(teasus likes tea, Fri 20 May 2011, 21:32, 4 replies)